I'm getting really into eastern philosophy lately (and I help run a philosophy discord), so I often think about the nature of reality and the importance of going with the flow rather than trying to force things, to do your best to be a good person and fulfill your duties and letting life take its course. I see a lot of this in stoicism as well.

I noticed a lot of fearmongering about being unable to find a husband in time, or dying alone for women. I get recommended articles about women crying on tiktok over not having a husband and kids. I get videos recommended to me about women freezing their eggs. I looked at red pill women subreddit out of curiousity and they're all completely freaking out over their life being over by the time they hit their 30s.

But let me tell you something, if you've had 20 boyfriends at this point, and you couldn't get any of them to marry you, how do you know if you magically had a kid, that kid would like you forever? How do you know that you'd even be a good mother? That the same issues you had with interpersonal relationships suddenly wouldn't apply to your kid?

People also have very unrealistic expectations about how their life is going to turn out. I think having a healthy dose of realism that you could have fertility issues or some kind of mental issue that prevents you from finding "the one" is a healthy perspective to have, and to always plan for in case you don't get married or have kids. Retirement planning is important!

It is still important to have children while you're still in your fertile years. IVF is painful and expensive. Geriatric pregnancy can also be dangerous. But at the same time there's consequences to getting with someone you don't even like just because you're desperate to have a sperm donor for a child, and not because you genuinely love them as a husband. I think it's not even thinking about the child in this case, and just viewing them as an object that prevents you from "dying alone". Children are not your personal therapist, and will eventually want to leave the nest and do their own thing.

I often think how a lot of these women who post these videos of themselves crying over being single and childless, would probably then be posting on the regretful parents subreddit how exhausted they were and how much they hated motherhood if they did have kids. People who love to complain on social media, love to complain.

I know at least for myself, I am very prepared for the fact I could end up single for life despite my efforts. I don't use dating apps and I met my ex by chance. But I've worked as a preschool teacher for years, and I've had wonderful experiences working with kids, building relationships with families, babysitting, caring for small babies, etc. Looking back on my life, regardless if I had kids or not, I would know it's been worth it helping my community with all the great memories.

And that's what's most important of all in life. Going with the flow, and having no "woulda could shoulda" mentality. Being flexible and finding solutions to your problems. Such as for example if you never could find a spouse or kids, there's mentor programs out there, volunteering with kids, etc.