Do women actually want to be wives ? Or do they have to pretend in order to Jeep the charade going ?

historyhill · 2020-10-06T05:02:09+00:00

[deleted]

HOLYREGIME · 2020-10-06T01:37:04+00:00

You answered your own question.

Do women actually want to be wives

Women seem to be holding out for marriage with Mr. Right.

Yes, they’re dying to be married but only with who they want.

I don’t find it too difficult to get a relationship or even be married at some point.

19whale96 · 2020-10-06T03:15:49+00:00

[deleted]

SonicBackScratcher · 2020-10-06T13:10:26+00:00

My wife was literally shaking and crying when I proposed.

23 years ago.

I swear this sub, and hell about 1/2 of reddit has no concept of love.

decoy88 · 2020-10-06T04:52:57+00:00

I have been married a couple times and I must say, before you’re married what you and your significant other do for, with and to each other feels more like a privilege. Then you get married and all those privileges feel more like priorities. I don’t recommend it, but then again I’m not a fan of conformity. Too many people continue to “teach” and brain wash these old traditions to the next generations, so there are still a lot of men and women who are still living traditionally either to make their parents or families happy, and some believing it will make themselves happy, or it’s the “right” thing to do....

The thing is; marriage wasn’t intended for romance intimacy or true love. At least, not in the last several hundreds years. As a Patriarchal society, marriage has historically been a strategic alliance between two families, to ensure long-term stability for the maximum amount of people, and more often than not, women were forced into them marriages for economic security. If you think about it, marriage was a brilliant invention; where men could simultaneously ensure that women’s rights and feelings would remain subservient, and that reproduction - the only thing which could be controlled by women - was kept firmly within the sphere of male control instead.

I’m not saying that every woman thinks of the origins of marriage when they’re proposed to, but many more are starting to realize or even know intuitively, that when it comes to marriage, men win and women lose.

SmurfESmurferson · 2020-10-06T01:50:24+00:00

Women are no longer beholden to marriage as their only career option. I point this out all the time, but Pride & Prejudice is the best example of how it used to be - without marriage, the Bennet daughters would have been put out on the street and homeless

Women today do want to be wives; the issue that men are picking up on is the fact that they don’t want to be wives to just any man. They can afford to have standards, and they can hold until they find a man that they truly want

So, yes, women want to be wives. But only to some men, not any man

April_blossoms · 2020-10-06T01:27:35+00:00

First a man wrote that. A man who likely wanted to encourage women to be a mistress. Second women can leave their husband and not be left destitute now. And she can take another should she like. Women aren't forced to sit and bear a thousand insults anymore. A wife can leave now.

rft24 · 2020-10-06T08:18:05+00:00

lol this is a funny question. of course there are women who want to be wives, just as there are women who don’t.

although, that quote is understandable. i’ve seen examples of this all over; where men treat their wives like mommybangmaids (on top of expecting them to work full time), add absolutely nothing of substance to their wives’ lives besides extra income, are disrespectful or abusive, & then cheat because of “dead bedrooms” that they essentially caused by being pos husbands.

marriage looks undesirable to a lot of people, not sure why this comes as a shocker to men. it’s almost like you all think you’re the only ones who have anything to lose & see marriage as a lose-win situation. if anything realistic people see it as a lose-lose situation, which is why they wouldn’t marry someone unless they truly felt that person was trustworthy enough to marry.

NarniaFox · 2020-10-06T03:16:36+00:00

Marriage isn't necessary anymore, so far less women inspire just to be "wives" in general terms. Less women want to be wives just for the sake of the status.

There are still enough people who want to have a family though and most of them think that having a spouse is the best way to do so. They want to get married to the right person and they actually have a choice now. Plus, more women don't want to get married all together or at least don't consider it as a necessary goal.

itsjbuttz · 2020-10-06T10:08:47+00:00

We want to be wives but only to people we actually like.

goatismycopilot · 2020-10-06T01:37:39+00:00

Many men and women have very idealized notions about what a "wife" is and often those idealized notions bear no resemblence to one another. Those people tend to suffer in marriage or LTRs the most.

merlinscalculator · 2020-10-06T05:53:22+00:00

The idea of being a wife in the sense that my grandmothers, great grandmothers and even my own mother to an extent were - not appealing. That image of a self sacrificing Madonna, no personal identity just an extension of her husband, a servant for him and the kids. Not appealing.

In the sense that so many men seem to have such black and white categorisation of women - Virgin/Madonna/Wife, whore/bitch/spinster, I’ll always take the latter. Until we can collectively see women, and wives, as nuanced complex individual whole human beings, there is no appeal to it. The best you can hope for is to find a man who sees you as such, that you also see as such (where there is also mutual attraction, compatibility) and then go ahead if you want to.

With that being said, I’ve found him but I don’t want kids so I still see no appeal in being a wife.

Mimoxs · 2020-10-06T01:52:48+00:00

I thought this was some new things about women demanding jeeps like it's the new hot car or something

Yes wives are treated worse than mistresses, but the wife has the legally binding contract, which serves your best interest. The mistress can be cut off with no repercussions. The wife can bleed him dry. You want to have that kind of security

BleachedJam · 2020-10-06T03:29:46+00:00

When I was a teenager marriage seemed like an inevitability. I wanted kids, therefore marriage would eventually happen. I never dreamed of my wedding or really cared about it all that much.

When I met my husband I knew I wanted to be with him forever, in whatever way that meant. We moved in together, eventually combined finances, had a baby. When we got married nothing really changed. We had a courthouse wedding with 6 people as guests. We had been living the "married life" together already, so nothing was really different.

I think that's how it should be. Find someone you love, be with them, and if you wanna get married do it. Marriage won't change anything either way, and that's how it should be. Being married doesn't change the way you love someone, it doesn't change the dynamics of your relationship, and if it did then maybe it wasn't the right choice or you guys weren't really ready.

Women seem to be holding out for marriage with Mr. Right but not to interested in anything less.

I sure would hope so. And I hope men are holding out for Ms. Right as well. Everyone should be waiting to marry the best person for them.

phantomwingedangel · 2020-10-06T05:34:39+00:00

Not everyone wants to get married. Me, personally? If I find that special someone, I think I’ll marry, when the time comes.

But it truly depends on the person.

relish5k · 2020-10-06T02:06:56+00:00

I'm a woman. I'd love to have a wife but I don't want to be a wife. If I meet a guy who makes my quality of life better than it is now, I'd get married. If I don't, I'm happy with what I have.

poppy_blu · 2020-10-06T02:46:27+00:00

Seriously though I think a lot of American women today are getting married primarily to have a wedding. Some are meh about the men they’re marrying, some are happy but overly focused on their princess party at the expense of focusing on the actual marriage and then find incompatibility issues down the road cause they didn’t talk about the hard stuff.

I went to a six figure destination wedding in December. Never seen anything so over the top. Had dinner with them a few weeks ago. They’re already starting to look bored.

_mwk · 2020-10-06T08:03:48+00:00

i want to be a wife bc i want to be a mom

if i didnt want to be a mom, i would not want to be a wife at all. i wouldn't be a mistress either bc yikes

but yeah to be me being a wife is closely connected to being a mom, sometimes i think about it and marriage seems to me like adopting a grown child first then making sure he grows into a good dad

many women do not want to be a mom, dont want to be a mom to a grown man and dont want to be a submissive wife to a meh leader, so they either don't marry or marry reluctantly for other reasons or play the wife until they dont like it anymore

AnonPinkLady · 2020-10-06T05:17:55+00:00

I neither want to be a wife nor do I pretend to want to be a wife. I want a long term deeply meaningful and monogamous relationship, but personally I never want to be legally bound by marriage. It seems unnecessary. If you truly love each other so much you shouldn't need to be contractually forced to stay together. In other interpretations of the wife concept, I have no interest in having a family or cooking and cleaning for someone. So yeah I think a lot of us are just not that interested in being married.

Kandace21 · 2020-10-06T07:24:56+00:00

Depends on the definition of wife. Loving equal partner of a high quality man? Absolutely. Bangmaid to an insecure sexist dickhead? Of course not! The difference is now a days women can earn a living and not have to settle for the latter.

2020-10-06T05:08:37+00:00

The notion that women are dying to march down the isle seems like male wishful thinking.

Uuh I don't think women are dying to do this?

I think most women want to be in good relationships, but that is easier said than done.

Women seem to be holding out for marriage with Mr. Right but not to interested in anything less.

So? Also if this is true I find that sad given that even then 50% of marriages still end in divorce.

I read your excerpt but I don't really get it (never was good with literature...). It sounds like to me the gist of it though is that mistresses are treated as passionate lovers whereas wives are treated as servants below their husband?

Is that really true though? I mean for example it seems like when it comes to sex it's usually husbands complaining about not enough of it/wives doing starfish sex than other way around.

Copperstoner · 2020-10-06T05:45:04+00:00

I don’t get it.

Marriage is just a change of the legal status anyways and all the things above can happen to women in LTRs too? Couples who live together and are monogamous already have all the problems and advantages of a marriage.

And yes I hope that they are looking for „Mr. Right“!(and guys for „Mrs. Right) After all this decision will determine much of your life’s happiness.

Empyrean_MX_Prime · 2020-10-06T05:57:39+00:00

I've met a lot of women who still want to get married and live happily ever-after.

Mind you, they're all in their 20s so perhaps they'll become bitter and cynical about relationships in time.

rubbooyuri · 2020-10-06T01:23:54+00:00

The want their cake to look at and eat it too.

They want to be wives, but they want to retain all of the upsides of being single while retaining none of the downsides of being married while doing so.

thetruthishere_ · 2020-10-06T04:14:25+00:00

I think many people today are not about marriage. Times have changed and we can live our own lives now. Marriage/having a partner/kids not the be all of life for everyone. You can have a great relationship without being married too. We do not have to fit into 'societal norms' and its the only way to live to be happy.

Marriage is not for everyone and it wasn't back in the day either, they were stuck with it.

Sure, do some marry for money, just the 'wedding', etc, I think its the minority though.

HelloDearWorld223 · 2020-10-06T10:13:32+00:00

Women want to get married but don’t want to be wives

NaturalQueer · 2020-10-06T15:21:20+00:00

I didn’t get married because I wanted to be a wife, I got married cause I love my husband

Hoopy223 · 2020-10-06T01:25:04+00:00

They wanna be wives until the reality of changing stinky diapers while hubby watches football with a beer in his hand sinks in.

Like kids. Sounds fun until they realize they have to pop the little bugger out and feed him/her for 18-20 years while they destroy your clothes, house and car.

SaBahRub · 2020-10-06T01:52:24+00:00

Nope! I’d sure like to have a Martyr Mommy McBangmaid^{TM^,} though, minus the banging. Who wouldn’t?

5689g00 · 2020-10-06T08:57:54+00:00

If women would hold men to a higher standard. Not let them have sex without being married. They would marry instead of sleeping around. This is essentially the fault of women. That’s why she blames the mistress. I think the biggest charade is that we have to pretend casual sex is okay and settle for less.

justme4433 · 2020-10-06T10:36:12+00:00

In my view, if you feel you’re in an oppressive relationship, you are not with a man or woman who loves and respects you for who you are.

I was also in a very abusive marriage the first time around, never wanting to do it again, and only recently has someone started to possibly maybe change my mind about that. When you feel free in your partnership, it’s different. It’s also possible that we go through those bad first experiences to learn a few things and prepare for/learn to identify the one you actually should be with.

OneTrueQ · 2020-10-06T11:40:13+00:00

Everyone is different, women are individuals and you won’t get the same exact answer from every single one. Some women’s actual relationship goal is wifehood to a man whos goal is husband hood.

I suggest you worry about what you want and be congruent in that in the way you walk around the world

Plus that quote represents a small worldview of about 1 whole version of marriage lol, while there are plenty of better versions that have been drafted out and settled in a situation where both parties benefit greatly when the agreement is adhered to.

throwaway91078 · 2020-10-06T11:52:36+00:00

Why would you want to marry in first place though? In the past it might have been a necessary course of action because of the stigma of having sex and kids outside of wedlock, but these days what's the point? It only makes sense for the financially weaker party (women for the most part) to improve their livelihood.

Women don't marry as much as before because there are less and less men around even considering marriage, and given most women now work they don't compromise on their standards. The men who women would consider marriage with are even less inclined to enter a LTR given they have access to multiple women and casual sex. They will consider it later, likely with someone way younger and still fertile.

The average men with enough wealth and reasonable looks are sought by bottom women when they are older but these women are often a combination of being fat, aged visibly and badly, emotionally damaged, promiscuous, often single mothers, often feeling entitled to his money, and even more often in a utter rush to seal the deal in a few months. Basically it is such a bad proposition all around that the majority of those men just run for the hills.

In summary women have an idealised view of marriage with attractive men. When they come short on it that view will turn quite utilitarian ("who he is" -> "what he can do for me").

Likewise men have an idealised (blue pill?) view of marriage with attractive supportive women with traditional values. The difference is that they will focus on who she is AND who she was. Financially sensible men will also ask themselves the inverse question raised by women, "what she will expect I provide for her".

2020-10-06T13:44:57+00:00

I don’t want to be insulted and treated like a servant but I didn’t realize that was my only option if I want to get married. That passage describes an emotionally abusive adulterer, not husbands in general.

Jakes1967 · 2020-10-06T21:12:07+00:00

Do women actually want to be wives ?

Honestly, I don't care. What does piss me off, is those same women bitching and moaning, when they hit their 40s, 50s etc.

If you want to marry, then do so and if not, then don't. Just shut the hell up about your "choice" later in life.

Cimorene86 · 2020-10-06T23:21:51+00:00

Personally, I'm 34 and have never wanted to be married or have kids. Im extremely introverted and career oriented, so there doesn't seem to be much that would add to my life. However, there'd be a lot of negative consequences to deal with.

xXxINCELFAGGOTxXx · 2020-10-06T02:02:30+00:00

[deleted]

Sid_Insidious · 2020-10-06T05:35:28+00:00

Also what makes you think we’re holding out for Mr. Right anyway?! There are a lot more women who know how to please women than there are men! (No offense guys, don’t get me wrong, I love men, but the women deserve more credit in the bedroom!!) 😜

TheBachelor536 · 2020-10-06T14:37:57+00:00

The men i know are not looking to become husbands, since there is nothing but financial ruin at the end of that particular road

Jaylen-Gads · 2020-10-06T02:56:33+00:00

Yes women want to be wives, but not for the reason that many people think. Marriage is a contract by two parties, that states that both parties are bound together. Women like this idea because that means she can have a man provide for her and the offspring. The issue is that the men these women are marrying or want to marry largely do not exist. They want a traditional christian Chad(even though they are nothing like that themselves) with a 600k salary and that won’t judge them or their choices. So they have to settle for a guy who is not Chad but average and the eventually ends up despising him.

taapy234 · 2020-10-06T05:32:56+00:00

They want to get married and not get married at the same time.

They want the benefits of marriage, but none of the responsibilities of marriage. Why? Because women are absolutely coddled with options, and they constantly mistake their sexual market value with relationship market value.

They sure love to be in the center of attention in their "special day", but usually marriage will fizzle out within 10 years if we are being optimistic here. And she's going to divorce rape you for the cash money and prizes, and get this, her female peers will CHEER her for destroying family and how she fucked you over.

If you are redpilled, you should never under ANY circumstances marry any woman no matter how "innocent" she is. Modern day female culture is extremely toxic, anti male, and gynocentrism runs rampant in every facet of our lives be it government or in private. The ONLY way you can exercise your power is to spin plates and always keep things casual. Hit the gym, work out, maintain good diet, work on your career, and leverage your net worth all you can for casual dating. You may not land 20 year old babes, but its totally possible to spin 26-29 year old women.

Workaholiconew · 2020-10-06T01:24:20+00:00

To jeep the charade going?

LotBuilder · 2020-10-06T05:52:21+00:00

They want a wedding but they don’t want to be wives. They don’t want to sacrifice or put in work but they also don’t like having to work full time and pay all their own bills. They refuse to settle in their 20’s and even maybe their early 30’s... but by 35 the list of demands gets much shorter.

Eastuss · 2020-10-06T08:40:58+00:00

The game of life is about taking as much as possible while giving as little as possible.

LeatherDifference583 · 2020-10-06T15:12:41+00:00

Its becoming less appealing the more opportunities that women have.

figuringMylife · 2020-10-06T16:11:14+00:00

Yes.

PoPoPanda13 · 2020-10-06T17:01:34+00:00

Just to answer a part of it, yes some women look forward to marriage. Some plan their life and have a timeline for marriage and kids, some have wedding Pinterest boards.

InsideHangar18 · 2020-10-06T17:25:36+00:00

I think it really depends on the individual. I’ve known lots of women who had “dream weddings” built up in their minds, and some who abhor the whole concept. I don’t think we can generalize, but I think that in the modern era, there aren’t as many good reasons for a woman to get married (men either, but that’s a different conversation). A thing I think most people are missing in this debate that isn’t about women, but may provide some context: For lots of men, getting married to the woman you want to have kids with is important from a legal perspective, because in some states of the US, if you’re the father, but we’re never legally married to the mother of your children, if she were to die, or be declared unfit in some capacity, you may have no claim to custody of your own children. Custody would transfer to her next of kin (usually the mother’s parents) I think very few people, men or women, truly want to get married until they meet someone they love in the modern day. But for guys, there can be a legal pressure to do so if you’re planning to have kids.

nik6979 · 2020-10-07T11:40:16+00:00

Its just part of being and adult , conforming to government standards . Not the primary desire in a females life anymore when being raised . Believe that ideaology went out the window about 60 years ago . Being married is nice but it's not the be all it was nor is it pushed as part of feeling accomplished in life now . Some culture or ethnicities might hold it to some higher standard but in America it's not a must to have things in life or to feel accomplished.

Willow-girl · 2020-10-08T12:58:11+00:00

I say we leave my Jeep out of this, eh?

SteveSan82 · 2020-10-06T03:58:12+00:00

Woman want to get married but don't want to be married.

They want the party, gifts and attention. But not the responsibility of being a wife and mother.

Women only get married because they subconsciously know they are hitting the wall so will marry beta bucks. She will just divorce him once she gets bored and take half his shit.

relish5k · 2020-10-06T01:45:37+00:00

The excerpt that you're quoting describes the issues with the Madonna / whore complex. So yeah, in that context being a wife would suck. I want my husband to see me as an equal partner AND a sex object.

cunningcaring · 2020-10-06T02:16:25+00:00

Yes women want to be wives.

sigma1932 · 2020-10-06T07:20:41+00:00

They want the party where they get to be a princess for a day, and the title and the clout that goes with it... but they don't want the responsibility that goes with being given the position.

They want traditionalism for "he", but progressivism for "she".

JameisBong · 2020-10-06T10:37:21+00:00

They want the wedding, not necessarily the marriage. And even then there are no guarantees she'll change her mind and just get with someone else.

Women never really liked the idea of monogamy ( paternity testing is providing that) And that's ok. No man should be monogamous either, you are essentially screwing yourself if you commit to that.

asdf333aza · 2020-10-06T11:54:16+00:00

Having a successful and being a wife are symbols of status. And women care about status. ANY female can get a guy to have sex with them, but not every girl can get a guy to marry them. And if he is a hvm with money, fame and success, getting him to settle down with you is a big ego boost and accomplishment for the female. They like guys who have options and who are able to get other girls. They want a guy who can atttract a shit load of girls and then out of all those girls he chooses to be with her. That love shit like that. 50 shades of grey kind of had that as a theme. Billionaire pretty boy who can have any girl he wants chooses the mousey nobody female who has nothing going for her. That's the kind of stuff girls get wet for. Locking a guy down like that is the ultimate female status symbol.

Females weren't meant to conquer the environment. They aren't as capable as men. Men are designed to go out and get stuff done, women are more so focused on getting men to get stuff done for them. Even if they have their own money, they still want a guy to use his money and resources on them. That's basically what all these female raps songs are about nowadays. "I don't cook I don't clean, but let me tell you I got this ring". "Yeah I got my own but I'd rather spend yours." Getting dudes to spend money on them. It's the female biological imperative. Girls take pride in getting guys to spend money and time on them, the same guys take pride in getting sex. And marriage is the ultimate sacrifice for a successful guy. Giving her access to everything HE worked for in life.

2020-10-06T14:43:20+00:00

Women want what society tells them to want. When you stop seeing wedding related media, youll start seeing women that dont care anymore.

Workaholiconew · 2020-10-06T01:25:37+00:00

This woman wants a servant, not a husband.

That is called being uncompromising and unreasonable.

Modern women's default behavior.

No wonder modern relationships are dying, they took it as a guidebook.

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SaBahRub · 2020-10-06T02:06:40+00:00

[deleted]

2020-10-06T04:04:03+00:00

To be honest, I have never wanted to be a wife. I figure, I love my freedom and my sanity too much to willingly commit to any institution... Then again, I do love Jeep’s

jdobrila · 2020-10-06T04:44:29+00:00

First of all, Hanlon's Razor.

Second of all, women don't want marriage, they want a wedding. They want to be a princess in the center of attention.

Do women actually want to be wives ? Or do they have to pretend in order to Jeep the charade going ?

Comments

The Bible

Pride And Prejudice

Title	Do women actually want to be wives ? Or do they have to pretend in order to Jeep the charade going ?
Author	ElGupo1978
Upvotes	102
Comments	484
Date	October 6, 2020 1:21 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/j5w3yl/do_women_actually_want_to_be_wives_or_do_they/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-women-actually-want-to-be-wives-or-do-they-have.313964 https://theredarchive.com/post/313964