Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In, Quick Questions Answered 2/20/2020

gursky0 · 2020-02-28T17:08:44+00:00

Another question about OLD - I’m messaging with a guy on Hinge who didn’t message me back for a full day, as in like 20 hours later. Should I just drop him? If I reply, I think it will give the impression that I’m ok with that, and I’m not.

Pitiful-Implement · 2020-02-28T16:42:02+00:00

I just want to say I love you girls and this part of reddit. When I come here I feel like yes someone else gets it.

Thanks for that and all of you have a great weekend!

sappfirestar · 2020-02-28T14:21:45+00:00

Do I have flair yet?

vidaDelColor · 2020-02-28T14:18:33+00:00

I think I have to break up with my bf. I thought he was great but lately sex has been super bad. Like, he hasn’t made me climax in over 2 months. We barely do any foreplay (I hate that word, because it implies only penetrative sex is sex, but basically what I’m trying to say is he doesn’t finger me or go down on me). I brought it up a month ago and it got slightly better (still no orgasms) but he did a bit more. I told him last night and he did say that he gets tired from working. I definitely understand that, but I don’t think it’s fair that I have to have sex that I don’t want or that I don’t enjoy. I feel he just uses it to fall asleep.

Can you convince me I’m not being unreasonable?

pallta · 2020-02-28T04:03:48+00:00

[deleted]

Xia0mia0 · 2020-02-27T23:22:44+00:00

[deleted]

2020-02-27T16:02:16+00:00

[deleted]

hello-earthlings · 2020-02-27T13:33:11+00:00

When I first matched with this guy on an OLD app, he described himself as "spontaneous, tactile, and introspective". 2 months in and I now know what these things REALLY mean...

Spontaneous = Doesn't plan dates in advance, just texts me on the night to see if I'm "down to hang out".

Tactile = Wants sex. Wants sex ASAP.

Introspective = Terrible communicator.

These men ain't shit.

BasieSkanks · 2020-02-27T13:07:00+00:00

I've read posts about forever gfs. My thing is, I never wanna get married OR move in with a bf because it benefits them more than me. So, I'd prefer taking turns at living at each other's places few times a week. What's FDS view on this?

Secondly, I have my own place, studio apartment all to myself. What if the guy shares a house with housemates? What're your preferences on it regardless how well off he is financially? Personally, I'd never stay a night at his place if he's sharing a house even.

illusion_believe · 2020-02-27T12:18:16+00:00

I’ve just watched a super interesting video on OLD . The video says that a lot of people are addicted to it even when they are in a relationship. They feel like checking who is in there. (One of my colleagues did it once although he was in a happy relationship).

And because of OLD people have less tolerance in a relationship and break up faster than what they used to. They have a sense of (fake) abundance and they have a fear of missing out. This is crazy! I’m glad I left and committed to 3-4 activities a week to meet new people.

A (male) friend of mine was doing that too. When he broke up with his ex of 5 months, he immediately started talking to girls on tinder again. One week later he went back with his ex and deleted the girls on IG immediately. People truly became disposable. This is crazy !

They also talked about the fact that the match symbol looks like winning symbol at the casino. And the app has been designed like a reward and getting a match gives us a dopamine shot .

People see you like an avatar. You get blocked, stood up ghosted as if you were a sims personnage . Not a real person

My friend got ghosted this week after 3 dates from a tinder dude. He went on a travel trip and we think that he met someone IRL there. I don’t know if you agree but I feel like people respect more the people they meet IRL than Online. Maybe because you had more effort to do and you didn’t have that awkwardness of “we met online . I can’t take it seriously “

The video says that most of the bad experiences we have with OLD would never happen with people we meet IRL.

The boyfriend of my friend died of cancer. When he died she checked his phone and she saw that he had a tinder account and was talking to some girls. Even when they are about to die, they think about cheating . SMH

ofiuocijckne · 2020-02-27T09:16:31+00:00

Progress report #1 on leveling up (aka a messy ramble about OLD):

I downloaded Bumble the other day and today I deleted it and BOY was it relieving. I was between Hinge, Bumble, and Tinder. I like Hinge because it's advertised as being for relationships but doesn't seem to have caught on at my college. Tinder has a reputation for being for hookups and I didn't wanna deal with the endless pile of fuckboys. So I thought Bumble was a nice medium. But no. BUMBLE SUCKS. DO NOT USE BUMBLE. Completely against FDS ideology of letting men pursue women by making us message first. I couldn't get myself to, which is a huge marker of progress for me since I've ALWAYS been the bold one who makes the first move. But instead, I looked at my very few matches and was like, what am I even doing on here??? I hardly swipe on anyone due to knowing my type well and having reasonable standards, but the pool was so disappointing that I had to make exceptions from those. For example, a few of my matches were open about smoking weed, which is not at all compatible with my lifestyle. A few I just wasn't attracted to enough, but they seemed nice otherwise. None of them were worth me messaging first, so I let them all expire.

One of them I matched with on Tinder months ago. He's super cute and I remember we messaged a bit and realized we'd be going to the same concert (which I saw him at, ha) but then I was ghosted. So you know what? I let that match expire and it felt good. No way was I gonna message a guy first who ghosted me. Another guy extended our match, indicating interest without me having to do something first, so I messaged him to give him a chance. Jeez it was boring. He put in effort to keep the conversation going and asked me questions, but I just had NO interest because I could tell off the bat that we weren't the same brand of nerd. Our majors and interests just didn't mesh and he was still pushing it and I felt like I HAD to keep talking to him since he was nice. But I realized - I don't owe this guy anything!!! Why am I taking time out of my day to talk to someone I don't want to? I was so unenthused by my other matches that I decided to delete Bumble (and told the nice dude that because ghosting is rude as hell if they don't deserve it). And I'm never going back. I might get back on Tinder later in the semester, but not now. I don't have the mental energy or time for it. I'm proud of myself for not giving in to the first person to give me attention.

questionsaboutrel521 · 2020-02-27T04:30:44+00:00

Toying with what’s the proper level before asking commitment/getting rid of a man.

On paper, the guy I’ve been seeing is HVM - high education, very valued in the community (well known locally). We have similar beliefs and lifestyles. He’s never made paying a “thing”, it’s always been assumed we are on one check. Respectful, messages back, regularly invites me places, has taken me round with his friends. Loads of personal interests and hobbies, owns his house, cooks. A million times level up from my abusive ex-husband.

But we haven’t had the talk defining a relationship. On about our fourth date, we each disclosed past traumas etc, and when I mentioned my abusive ex, he said in a kind way that we could take it slow. Not “casual” but slow.

It’s been a little over 6 weeks that we’ve been seeing each other. I’m not sure when it’s okay to be exasperated about not having a label... or when to bring it up. Is my “normal meter” broken from shitty relationships, where there was a lot of roller coaster fireworks in the beginning?

Like I said, he isn’t behaving in a fuckboy fashion, we just haven’t talked about it. He has his own baggage that he explained on that date that may underlie the cluelessness but I don’t know. I’m wary he may be emotionally distant.

What’s a good timeframe to DTR?

2020-02-27T01:05:02+00:00

[deleted]

joannapwns · 2020-02-27T00:38:43+00:00

Im trying my best to go on dates with other people, but I still cant shake my ex. I blocked him for 6 months before I saw him again but the feelings came back so quick. I really thought I had grown, but nothing had changed.

I hung out with him last Friday night, we watched a movie and cuddled. I watched him eat popcorn and a protein shake for dinner, and though I know it was super unhealthy, it was charming cause it was him.

We talked about his emotions, we went to get food, he asked about my emotions and the first thought I had was about him. It's pretty sad actually, I'm great at giving my friends advice on dropping their exes, I only message him back when he texts me to avoid being clingy. But I cant help thinking about him and feeling down when he goes out with other girls.

I'm at my happiest when I'm with him because he treats me with so much respect and care. I am struggling with the reality that I'm going to have to drop him eventually and lose my favorite source of happiness hormones.

angeljuice · 2020-02-26T20:32:03+00:00

What are some quick dates? My time is really precious and I don't want to go to restaurants or do activities I won't enjoy & wouldn't otherwise be doing, during my free time I want to drink, party and relax. I see that drinks dates aren't recommended but I feel like I could tell if I want to see the man again by the way he behaves, paying for the drinks, paying for my taxi etc plus how he reacts to me getting male attention. The most expensive meal in a restaurant round here (i'm not willing to travel) is like £15, even if I only have like 4 drinks so I don't get drunk that could be around £30 so cheapness isn't the issue... I can't think of anything else I'd want to do to be honest!? But would love to know

eng2fly · 2020-02-26T20:18:24+00:00

[deleted]

girlWproblemz · 2020-02-26T19:24:50+00:00

Are there some advice and warnings about men and their mothers? And men who "retire" their moms, or are financially intertwined with their moms. Living with their moms they have "retired" or have taken over all their finances so their mom (early 60s) doesn't have to work, while they themselves are struggling financially. I personally don't like that situation because, what's the long run financial plan while she's living her old age watching tv and eating fast food? How do they(him) plan to afford two properties or are they planning on having a live in mother forever?

NoThisIs-Patrick · 2020-02-26T18:29:21+00:00

As part of upgrading my wardrobe, I've been wanting to get some professional bags. I'm starting to have a decent handbag collection, and I kind of understand the whole thing with them now! When I go out with a nice, structured bag it really lifts my whole outfit. The past few weekends when I've gone out I've gotten some real props from some nicely dressed ladies and I feel good. The guy I've been dating has been responding well to it, too.

I was thinking of finally getting my dream handbag - the Chanel classic flap. The brand isn't important, but I really love how those bags look. I was thinking I could get the authentic bag used or new in the colour I want, and then get a couple copies in other colours. I saw a youtube review of a knock-off bag in blush pink that looked really nice, and the logo was modified too so it wasn't a replica. But, that producer only makes the bag in three colours.

I found a mid-priced replica seller with good reviews who has all the colours I want. And there's always a chance my dog could destroy them (he's a houdini). I'm so excited! I'm ordering a bag in a couple weeks, and then I'll see if I should order a couple other colours. Those bags are still kinda pricey, though, so I'm going to order the blush pink one from the cheaper seller as I do already have a similar colour bag.

illusion_believe · 2020-02-26T18:04:48+00:00

Going to the movies on my own for the first time. I found a free event online for an avant première.

I feel like I wasted the last 3-4 years of my life. I didn’t have much social life going on for me . Before that I had a social life around parties and drinks. With the gym I’m not into that anymore. And I don’t feel like it makes me super interesting. I want to make new female friends so I’m always going to networking events. This week end I’m going to a free cooking class with a friend

Edit: was so nice! We had a free buffet at the end

even_thriller · 2020-02-26T16:39:55+00:00

A year ago today I was dumped. I'm taking myself out tonight for dinner as a congrats for losing 200 useless lbs.

Haven't talked to my ex since.

gursky0 · 2020-02-26T16:14:41+00:00

Question about OLD - if a guy instantly replies to my messages (within 0-3 minutes) pretty consistently on Hinge, is that a sign of something? Kind of makes me wonder if he has nothing better to do, but he otherwise seems like he does - good job while also in grad school and owning a small business, and very active. I tend to space my messages out anywhere from 10 minutes to several hours /overnight. His first message to me was also just telling me I'm pretty (and I matched since he was cute and waited for him to initiate again), but since then he's made actual conversation and is asking questions about my life.

JoanHollowayWannabe · 2020-02-26T03:11:45+00:00

Quick rant: It's getting really annoying to hear my friends talk about their situationships and LVMs. If I push back even a little I'm 'judgmental'. Probably because I'm not that nice about it. I just get so frustrated that my beautiful, successful friends think a guy asking their when their birthday is or like, actually listening to them when they talk is somehow 'rare' or 'special'. Like...no it's not. Especially not when you'e fucking him. Of course he's acting interested and attentive. He want to continue to fuck you with no commitment. A friend did the most pickme shit ever and bought the guy she's f*cking tickets to an amazing show that was thoughtful and catered to his tastes - they had a great time. I asked her what dates he'd planned for her? "Oh we go to places that are significant to him when I come visit...he's ~deeply rooted~ in his city.." I was so livid I wanted to snap back with some slick shit like "so when you plan dates they're about him and when he 'plans' dates they're about him?" but I stopped myself.

I've known what I wanted (marriage) since I was 16 and have zero tolerance for any relationship 'gray area', whereas they all claim they're 'exploring' or that it'll 'happen someday'. Like, no chick. It'll happen when you stop tolerating these breadcrumbs because you're worried a guy won't pay attention, love you, or care about you unless you act like a pickmeisha. I just wish I had friends whose values were closer to mine and weren't such aggressive pickmes sometimes! These women are so educated! Accomplished! Attractive! They shouldn't be chasing guys, ever. It's really frustrating.

felixfelicis2014 · 2020-02-26T00:54:46+00:00

I’m just so angry and irritated. Just got my period so probably part of that. I had mr perfect lead me on and he wasn’t perfect at all, it’s good that it’s done because the red flags were crazy but now I can’t be bothered with anyone else. No one I find is as smart or attractive or do I just click with the way I clicked with him. One of my worries with him in the first place is who do you date after this guy, he’s perfect. And now I know. You date no one because everyone else seems boring.

Also doing a 36 hour fast and getting your period half way through is not super fun lol all I want is carbs and chocolate but I’m being a better person.

AngelStarfire · 2020-02-25T22:48:51+00:00

Could anyone suggest to me examples of women in media, TV shows etc portraying what FDS stands for please? I wanted to see it be done and what situations it would happen.

Evil_Rao · 2020-02-25T21:11:30+00:00

Fucking hell. Gonna have to ditch the guy I've been seeing. We've been having a lot of fun together but I'm getting all sorts of red flags and my guts are screaming at me to drop him at once.

level_up_always · 2020-02-25T19:49:17+00:00

I was just talking about this in another thread but I think having too many memes/screenshots/etc. is taking away from the quality of the sub. Good posts get buried while they get uploaded bc their easier to digest or whatever. Could we consider only doing memes and/or screenshots on certain days? What do others think of this?

cirrus_cloud · 2020-02-25T19:09:25+00:00

Is there a way we can somehow “market” this subreddit so more women can reap the benefits of this ideology? I seriously think this subreddit is the antidote to 90% of modern female woes!

gursky0 · 2020-02-25T18:46:36+00:00

I decided to dip my toe back into dating - I want to meet new people and practice FDS for the first time in a low-stakes way (not looking for a relationship right now). I made a profile on Hinge and was reminded of how low the bar is where I live. Last time I was on the apps I would swipe right on guys that made me think "meh" because there wasn't much better out there. This time, I'm not liking men first and I'm swiping left on 90% of the guys who like me. And if the ones who've matched with me don't message within a couple days I'm unmatching them. No time to waste!

throwmeupandacross · 2020-02-25T16:54:48+00:00

[deleted]

faircreditscore · 2020-02-25T16:14:14+00:00

Imagine actually dating someone who is better than you? What a concept.

drownthemout · 2020-02-25T10:15:25+00:00

I am obsessed with lists so I made a little one on gifts, basically a wishlist of sorts (I have many allergies, don't like typical jewelry/flowers), with allergens that affect me and what products I can use (with examples), my hobbies and things I need for them (I paint a lot so new quality canvas never hurts) and various ideas of other little things to treat myself to.

I use this list myself, but also intended to share it with others. My ex LVM boyfriend scoffed when I shared it with him, accusing me of being materialistic and hard to please (mind you, some stuff on the list can be purchased for as low as 5$!).

My current boyfriend, which I'm still evaluating (but I'm leaning towards HVM), was overjoyed when I shared the list with him, his eyes light up and he was so happy to have something to refer to (he knows I have allergies and has refrained from gifts, mostly taking me out and on experiences). Upgrade, queens! 😍 Keep your standards high.

junoranger · 2020-02-25T04:45:20+00:00

[deleted]

akansha_12 · 2020-02-25T00:52:45+00:00

Help me stop being such a goddamn pick me girl. I’m smart, funny and I care about people very intensely, but I can FEEL myself getting annoyingly invested even though it’s never reciprocated. Help

faircreditscore · 2020-02-24T23:23:09+00:00

[deleted]

Megustalations13 · 2020-02-24T21:54:01+00:00

3 proper dates with a guy, shared our first kiss after the last one. Got a text today saying ""I'm free Tuesday night if you want to chill". Not sure how to best respond to communicate my standards and give him the opportunity to check himself.

sardinesaladsandwich · 2020-02-24T21:21:28+00:00

I’ve been married for a looong time to a pretty quality dude. Our finances are mixed, because frankly when we got together 20+ years ago neither of us had either money or sense. He makes a lot more money than I do, the result of my being in the arts. He spends money freely on himself, and also wouldn’t ever begrudge me doing so for myself, but I have been feeling for a while that I need some separate money of my own.

Question is, where to start? Should I get my own checking account first? Or savings? Or credit?

throwmeupandacross · 2020-02-24T11:49:34+00:00

FWB: Wasn't mutually beneficial so he's 🚮

Ex: He's being friendlier but I'm still ignoring him.

Went on two dates this Sunday and this was a quick summary;

Date #1; Overall felt the guy was just awkward. Mentioned his whole life experience with dating apps, how tinder has tourists and on both that and bumble guys get no matches. Mentioned his ex and how he didn't act right and take the initiative to plan stuff. Said my voice was really nice and low and he liked that. thanks i guess. REALLY just did not sell himself at all.

Date 2#; He was very baby-faced. Went to a shrine, I pulled bad luck, then a dessert shop. Dessert was my idea so a bit :| but he took me to an observatory afterwards.

Not meeting the first guy, and not sure about the second either 😩 Might just take a break and focus on something else

hello-earthlings · 2020-02-24T08:44:04+00:00

This sub made me realise that this LVM/pickme dynamic can play out in friendships as well. It just became very clear to me that one of my girlfriends is the LVM (or LVW) and I’m the pickmeisha in our relationship. She always talks about seeing me but is never willing to set a date in case something better presents itself, I guess. She will play me hot and cold. One day be all like “I miss youuuuu” and the next day ignore my text about actually setting a date to meet. She moved to the same city as me over a year ago and I still haven’t seen her! That’s not being busy, that’s not having any interest in seeing me. Dropping this “friend” just like I’m dropping LVM.

Placentaandcabbage · 2020-02-24T03:54:17+00:00

[deleted]

stormyeevee · 2020-02-24T02:09:23+00:00

Left a guy on Halloween because he was messing around with a younger ex coworker. Still feel like absolute shit months later. Mostly because I feel like I wasn’t enough and that it was my fault he started to do it. Even to this day I have nightmares and anxiety. Someone tell me it gets better. I left him and I feel like I’m the one who got the worst of it.

FemclFleshBeckyBones · 2020-02-23T23:16:03+00:00

Do you guys have any advice for below average looking women? I am not trying to disparage myself. Not all of us are very attractive. I have never ever been approached by a guy. No guy irl has ever shown interest in me. I feel like I almost have to settle because of the way I look. I'm 22 for reference.

throwawaytck1001 · 2020-02-23T23:00:07+00:00

Lesson learned: I put this guy I was quite smitten with on the back burner. Trying to practice spinning plates. He's expressed a huge willingness meet me where I need him 'cos we're not quite compatible. But that's just words so... we'll see.
Scary thought: Right now, I'm really enjoying myself being solo like it's seriously AWESOME. I'm abroad, and life is so much easier without another person. I feel light and free.

BUT THEN of course, I watch "Love is Blind" and start ugly crying. WTF! Gah.

Foreign_Bug · 2020-02-23T21:23:28+00:00

I’m sick of being a half Asian woman online and having every single LVM make some comment about my race. Asking me if I want a green card from them, making an accent, their last Asian exes or what they perceive Asian women to be like, “I bet you don’t date [their race]”. It’s both white and POC LVM. My race isn’t an open invitation for you to make some dumbass comment.

canttouchthisnananan · 2020-02-23T20:59:07+00:00

Need to vent for a bit. I’m disappointed in the people around me. I see so many girl friends and family members accepting low value behaviour and so many men around me trying to get away with it. My own mom told me I should be less picky because this way I’ll never find a men. But to be honest, if what I’m seeing all around me is how it is most of the time, then I don’t want a man at all. Starting to give up on dating, maybe it’s time to.

Dating wise, finally a guy made the first date cut. I’ve filtered most men out in the chatting phase, because they didn’t even try to impress me. But this guy did. The date was good, we had a lot of fun, a lot in common, he acted like a gentlemen, payed and offered paying an Uber too. Tomorrow we have a second date. Suddenly it’s low effort mode from his side, telling me ‘I have permission to pick where we are going.’ Uhhhhhhhhhh??? What?

I texted him ‘oh wow I have permission?’ And he responded ‘haha if you want of course.’ So I told him that I don’t want to, because in my opinion that’s not the way dating works. He said ‘haha okay it was worth a try. Now I’ll have to look for a place.’

Wtf? He admits to trying to putting in less effort, right? I’m not even gonna respond now. This is a total let down. First date was great, but now this attitude?

90sCosmoEnergy · 2020-02-23T15:46:42+00:00

I haven't been here since fall because I totally slipped into Pick Me mode with what should have been such an obvious fuckboy. I have no idea what the hell happened (well, that's not true, I have really mentally worked through what happened, and the truth is that I just let my guard down and fell in love and made some extremely by-the-book mistakes cause not my Nigel). I've been catching up on all the posts I missed for the past few months.

Honestly, it's been a few days and I'm starting to think this was the greatest thing that ever happened to me. I had my FDS masters degree before, now I have my PhD. I was able to block very easily and to turn off the love switch way faster than I could in my pre-FDS life many moons again. I really don't anticipate another slip-up, this was my final Pickmeisha hurrah.

The old me would have blocked but secretly fantasized about him being sad when he found out he was blocked, the me of right now doesn't care if he meets Princess Charming tomorrow and never even finds out that I blocked him. I really don't care. He threw away a queen, which means he's a low-value man and I don't concern myself with low-value men.

He was an extremely talented manipulator and I let my game slide. It is what it is. Ronda Rousey has taken some bad punches, Beyonce's lost some Grammys. Just because you lost a battle doesn't mean you lost the war.

Having to build a whole new rotation from scratch is going to be such a pain in the ass though, LOL. I don't know where the rules would stand on trying to reconnect with old orbiters who were just dates and never official LTRs, but it feels too close to contacting an ex for comfort so I'm just going to leave it alone. Start from scratch!

On the bright side, one of my best friends from home just became a LITERAL FUCKING JUDGE. I burst into tears this morning and it genuinely had nothing to do with the breakup. Save those tears for the pride and joy you feel for your fellow queens, not some scrote.

2020-02-23T06:17:32+00:00

[deleted]

Unlikely-Marzipan · 2020-02-22T19:50:10+00:00

[deleted]

illusion_believe · 2020-02-22T19:45:26+00:00

I love Matthew hussey and how big he is on kindness and assertiveness and self love (he taught me that at a young age). He’s the reason why I started the gym a few years ago and attracted better men , friends and got into self dev/spirituality a few years later.

But, I’m realizing that he actually teaches women to date like men. Because he used to coach MEN. I love his book and him but I’m now taking his stuff with a pinch of salt .

What do you all think of school of affluence?. I feel like her channel is mainly for gold diggers . She doesn’t say anything about being high value but more about how to appeal to (rich) men :/

I like doctor Antonio something and Matt Boggs And Elliot Scott. They say a lot of stuff from FDS and Antonio backs it up with science

smittydoodle · 2020-02-22T19:39:19+00:00

I’m watching “Love Is Blind” on Netflix and keep fast forwarding. These people are so strange.

pinkyberries · 2020-02-22T16:29:07+00:00

My first crush requested my private IG (we haven't talked in 6-7 years!) , i blocked him.

He was so disrespectful towards women like wtf.

duckfeatherduvet · 2020-02-22T14:05:35+00:00

I think someone tried to stand me up today but I wouldn't know because when he didn't give me a specific location to meet at, I didn't chase him or suggest one myself and I wasn't going to block off a space in my calandar until I had confirmed plans. Looks like he had a nice day based on social media posts but it can't have been that good if he felt the need to liveblog it and I also didn't care enough to do anything but scroll past

mudveins · 2020-02-22T06:12:21+00:00

Have a question for everyone familiar with the online dating world!

Going on a date next weekend with someone I’ve been talking to the last few days... He is so gorgeous that I’m unsure if he’s a catfish or real... He added me on Instagram and is tagged in friend’s videos/stories. I did a google reverse image search too. It does seem to check out, but I know catfishes can be convincing too.

Anyway, my question is: is it too much to ask him to take a selfie holding up a couple fingers to verify he’s real? Or should I just wait and see when I meet him in a public place?

eatpraycoffee · 2020-02-22T05:28:50+00:00

I've recently been seeing a guy, 6'3, fairly built, and decent paying job - high value in so many ways. However, recently when he was over I tried to go on his phone and saw he had a passcode.

Is this a red flag? I just don't know how to feel about this.

Careful-Economy · 2020-02-22T02:45:07+00:00

[deleted]

Meredeen · 2020-02-22T01:08:44+00:00

I didn't want to make a post about it since it isn't really FDS related but more just misogyny. I found this video today:

I Was the Fastest Girl in America, Until I Joined Nike https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qBwtCf2X5jw

HORRIFYING, and so disheartening. These men in charge didn't know shit and put the health of so many young women at risk. It feels like they just saw her as an object to use.

hello-earthlings · 2020-02-21T22:38:31+00:00

Why do guys who I've met once 5 years ago (maybe through Tinder or at a bar) follow me on social media still? I don't follow any of these men anymore yet they all religiously watch my instagram stories. They rarely engage with me by liking a post or commenting something... they just lurk. What are they trying to achieve?! I'm about to remove them all from my follower list and make my account private... tired of randoms witnessing my life.

qpHope · 2020-02-21T19:02:48+00:00

My boyfriend left me alone on Valentines Day to go on a vacantion with his friends.This is our first Vday and we are together for 10 months. Should I forgive him?

uselesssdata · 2020-02-21T18:23:14+00:00

Anyone ever had a guy set up a morning date? This is a new one for me. He wanted to meet up at 11:30am tomorrow right after a meeting he has in the morning. I turned it down since I already have plans, but I also expressed ambivalence at the early time. He was like, "oh sorry, is that weird?".

Not sure what to make of such an early date time. Especially since he didn't even mention what he had in mind to do.

geoffersonstarship · 2020-02-21T16:55:18+00:00

I came across this sub maybe a month ago? I’m not sure. But I was in a pretty bad relationship and couldn’t really leave due to finances and being far from family. But I applied some of the skills I’ve learned here in my relationship. I stopped “pick me” behavior and he started treating me with more respect and he even did our laundry (folding included), I cannot even remember our last argument? Small things what would have usually made him upset did not upset him anymore. I’m still saving money on the side to leave, but the change is pretty nice. Just wanted to share!

NUTELLALOVER97 · 2020-02-21T16:34:20+00:00

This guy who i met through tinder ghosted me when he moved the country.this wae my first ever experience witha guy thank god i didnt go all the way but i did do more than i should of before commitment. Ughh i feel so stupidddd.anyways he messaged me ON VALENTINES DAY.....so what did i doo ghosted his irrelevant ass. I aint taking no bullshit from anyone anymore.

muchachaganj · 2020-02-21T14:31:04+00:00

Sucky feelings as time goes on after I left an abusive relationship. Proud of myself for taking that step but feel like a baby cow learning to walk again

Polleyka26 · 2020-02-21T13:53:32+00:00

I'm not attached anymore. Now if any man (even LVMs) wanna shower me with "attention" for the sake of any benefits (mostly sex), i pretend to be a dumb fox, enjoy those benefits and then when they want their "payment" ldump em.

rosa_sally · 2020-02-21T12:02:52+00:00

Just ditched a LVM after two dates. Feels so empowering!! He’s not a bad guy but he would just be a drain on my resources. He’s banned from driving because of drink driving, has a kid with a woman who was a homeless one night stand. Can barely manage holding down his job. Suffers with extreme anxiety. He’s not healthy and just smokes all day and gets take out. The fact that he’s funny and we had loads to talk about isn’t enough to see him again. 💪🏼

luckycharmsaregod · 2020-02-21T08:15:16+00:00

[deleted]

JoanHollowayWannabe · 2020-02-21T07:02:58+00:00

[deleted]

lolumadbr0 · 2020-02-21T04:47:00+00:00

I'm truly a dumb bitch for guys but I'm done.

Finally removed someone who meaned alot to me go. But I saw his true colors and I'm no longer anxious anymore.

Skittleschild02 · 2020-02-21T04:16:18+00:00

With work kicking my ass and my upcoming surgery (It’s minor. Wisdom teeth need to come on out.), I don’t have much time to text and talk to Snapchat dude. In fact, he contacted me about a random snap I posted.

Interesting thing about it, he contacted me on my off day. Before anyone freaks, I didn’t respond right away. I ended up taking a nap. I woke up and gave a bland response.

This torturing thing is working in my favor.

90sCosmoEnergy · 2020-02-21T04:14:36+00:00

[deleted]

endlessgalaxies · 2020-02-21T00:38:52+00:00

A guy I had been seeing for a couple months told me over the weekend he isn't in a place where he can prioritize a relationship, his sole focus is himself, he believes forming attachments to others is a weakness, blah blah blah. Typical emotionally unavailable man (who had no issue leading me on and acting like we were together to the point where his friends were even including me in things and asking me about us. But I digress). Old me would have tried to rationalize this mindset, keep an "open mind" and get on a similar level to understand his perspective until I ran myself to the ground. But this time I did not push back, I merely dropped him. Plain and simple. And shit, it feels so freeing to walk away from a place of strength and dignity. Thank you FDS for giving me the strength to realize I deserve more. <3

RadiatorFeminism · 2020-02-21T00:06:55+00:00

I've lost the will to be on the dating market. Just so many sleazy men, stale profiles, blank profiles. Or people(men or women!) looking for English tutors.

Been focusing on making my home nest cozier and decluttering. Also have set a monthly saving direct debit. I sadly can't imagine living with a boyfriend ever again.

I hope someday that the will to try to find a partner again.

NoThisIs-Patrick · 2020-02-20T20:26:18+00:00

Feeling really down. I went to do some weird hippy therapy shit with the guy I've been seeing last night. He's known me for years, and been asking me to go, so I finally did. I thought it was going to be a cute thing for us. As usual, it turned out he didn't view it the way I did.

This opened another discussion during the argument. Basically, the relationship isn't where I want it to be. So, I said I thought we had different expectations of one another and I didn't want to continue anymore if that's how things were going to be.

He tried calling twice after that but that was it. I didn't call him back. If he calls again tonight I might talk to him. I don't think he'll call again and I have no interest in calling him myself.

Everything between us is a long, stupid, mostly unbelievable (not in the romantic way) story. I don't know how I feel about all of this. I guess mostly vindicated that he finally, unknowingly, confirmed everything I've suspected about him since the very first time I met him.

Still, it hurts, and I've been crying off-and-on since I got home last night. I cried this morning, I cried a few times at work. But I don't regret any of my words or behaviours. I don't feel like I have to prove anything to him anymore. I think I conducted myself well.

He didn't do anything wrong this time, either. He just can't be the man I want.

I guess I'll know for sure by this weekend whether he wants to step up or not. And that makes me feel... safe.

Update: He did call last night and called me a 'savage' lmao. We're still going out this weekend.

Toomanyprollems · 2020-02-20T18:34:09+00:00

I bought all the stuff to do UV gel manicures and I did my nails for the first time in years and they look fantastic. SO SHINY and RED I am a babe and a half.

I'm still sticking to my 15 minute workouts every night and I did a short yoga last night as well and meditation this morning. I feel so amazing and I look great even though I still have a lil pooch I love my body and I'm so happy I started working out.

Nothing on the dates front, all the guys who have liked me on hinge are yucky or just can't keep the conversation going so I X them. They should call it "cringe" app. "The app designed to be deleted because men are trash."

Anyway, hope you guys have a good week!

hello-earthlings · 2020-02-20T18:25:22+00:00

Today I went to my weekly therapy session, as I've been doing for the past 6 months, and I was ANGRY. This sub helped me confront all the anger I've been harbouring inside - anger towards the countless men who have walked all over me. I've already forgiven myself for not knowing any better and allowing them to use and abuse me so today was all about letting the rage out. It was so cathartic and a necessary step in my journey to true self-love and maybe one day finding a real HVM of my own. Been a part of this sub for like 3 or 4 days and it's already had such a big impact! <3

30137509 · 2020-02-20T18:12:04+00:00

Yes! So glad you’re realising your worth so much more.

Toomanyprollems · 2020-02-20T17:48:24+00:00

[deleted]

pinksuede · 2020-02-20T17:44:50+00:00

About a month ago I actually started practicing a lot of the recommendations in this sub and I really wish that I had found it sooner!

I’m really on the struggle bus because I started out strong on being confident and only accepting what I want with this guy. However, I gave in and now all the stuff I didn’t want is happening. He’s really emotionally abusive and I also recognize that my attraction to this person is fatal.

The hardest part is staying strong and healing while also putting myself first. I’m really thankful to find this community because I’ve needed it for a long time. I’ve been talking to my therapist about how to change my behavior to match what I know is true about me: that I am amazing and if someone doesn’t appreciate that, then fuck them.

elphaba23 · 2020-02-20T16:26:58+00:00

Question about the FDS big mood in marriage... I am struggling a bit. Example on Valentine’s, his parents offered to take the kids so we could go out. On the way out the door he said it didn’t seem like I even wanted to go out (I did) and when we got to the restaurant we got turned away because it was booked solid and we didn’t have reservations. We went home and didn’t eat. When I say it hurts my feelings he says “but YOU didn’t plan anything for ME either whaaa” etc etc. I don’t know how to respond to that. For context been married 13 yrs, 2 kids. Blocking and deleting isn’t something I want to do 😅but I need help, thoughts?

luckycharmsaregod · 2020-02-20T15:29:13+00:00

I’ve never been in a relationship before. It’s new and I don’t know how to act. Like, do I still never text first, be aloof and slightly unavailable, etc.? I’ll never text first anyway, really...I don’t wanna play mind games but I don’t want it to be too easy for him already, you know?Should it be? I have no idea what I’m doing. If you’re talking attachment styles he screams secure in every way, so I don’t think being aloof will make him like me more (I wouldn’t want to be with someone like that regardless). He’s mushy and affectionate and texts me all the time. His interest didn’t falter at all after sex. He’s had the exact same energy the entire time. He’s like this upbeat, sweet puppy, always happy and wanting to make me feel good. He’s never moody and he’s so upfront and communicative; I’ve never seen anything like that from a guy. Not used to it. Should I basically just mirror his behavior? That sounds right...I think I read that here lmao. Insight?

oddcharm · 2020-02-20T15:17:15+00:00

Just really need to vent. I've been trying to help save one of my good friends from the AWFUL LVM she keeps going back to. Usually I mind my own business because I got my own shit to worry about but when she decided to call him on our way home from a night out I LOST it. I made her hang up right away and tried to talk so much sense in to her but I have a looming feeling she is STILL somehow not done. She full on admitted to me she has been feeling lonely, is scared of ending up alone and has low self esteem but idk what to do anymore. She did thank me the next day for telling her what she needed to hear but my intuition feels like this is not the last I've heard of him.

short list of bs this asshole has done:

- has already stated he doesn't want to date her because he needs to sort himself out, yet uses her like some emotional punching bag. I've also seen their messages and he says plenty of bf/gf shit for someone who claims to not be in a good position to date

- never pays for anything, in fact, lets HER pay for things including food, parking tickets, travel costs to travel TO him

- claims he wants a wife who is going to cater and cook and clean for him. so naturally when he traveled to see her in our city ONCE for NYE, she did just that and his rude ass never even bothered to lift a finger

- attended a NYE party WITH her, proceeded to exchange Instagrams with 2 women from the party AND asked them out while he was still in town. He literally bailed on getting brunch with my friend the next morning, claiming something came up and he "had to leave early" to take one of them out to eat... at a restaurant SHE brought him to!

- mocked her for still living with her mom... while she is in GRAD school and her mom lives 20 minutes away. (I'm sorry, should she move out and manipulate people for money like you do?!)

that isn't even all of it!

I am so SICK of this absolute LEECH.

duckfeatherduvet · 2020-02-20T15:02:47+00:00

Following on from my comments in lasts week's thread about a male friend who keeps trying to mess me aroung with plans and is upset that I won't play along. Instead of the last minute plans he proposed to me earlier on in the week, he spent time with his daughter instead. Why the FUCK wasn't she the priority? I'm appalled

endorphins_ · 2020-02-20T14:37:28+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f6r5tx/aita_for_hand_making_an_engagement_ring/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

Y’all I cannot with this shit. You can’t just “whip up” an engagement ring. Make me stop reading that subreddit.

Toomanyprollems · 2020-02-20T14:27:28+00:00

[deleted]

noavocadoshere · 2020-02-20T14:05:19+00:00

when i described what my perfect day was, my ex remarked that i was alone a lot--although i pointed out that he too, had described being alone a lot as well besides the inclusion of sex (🙄). there was no difference besides the fact that i don't live and breathe for sex--and even men now try to frame it as pitiful as possible when they find out i keep to myself. i genuinely enjoy my own company. even today, just reading while having slices of rye with butter and grape jelly makes me happy. and while i can't physically see them (usually until the holidays), i keep in contact with my girlfriends, and i feel their love and support from miles away or message one of my friends here to hang out and check in on each other. can't say it gets much better than that to be quite honest with y'all.

throwaway23004345 · 2020-02-20T12:35:55+00:00

Hi guys!!! I just wanted to recommend some stuff!!

YouTube: Asha cee YouTube : doctor ramani (talks about narcissism) Book: the nice girl syndrome

jesza09 · 2020-02-20T12:20:10+00:00

I want to say a few things. Firstly I love this sub! I always considered myself to be rather anti feminist (I know, I know) but hear me out. I had only ever been exposed to liberal feminism before discovering this sub and the GC sub, and me being anti porn, anti kink, anti casual sex, anti hookup culture ect, I decided that a movement that calls all that stuff “empowering” and good for women, was not for me. I had heard of radical feminism but I thought it just meant a more extreme version of the feminism I knew lol. What I’m trying to say is you’ve all educated me so much and I now have a real healthy respect for feminism and I don’t consider myself to be anti feminist anymore. I feel like I’ve finally found a place where I belong.

Okay soppy stuff out of the way, I’ve been working on levelling up and improving myself for myself and so far I have:

-Stopped using my phone in bed, I’m reading real paper books again and I’ve already finished one.

-Started exercising every day, even if it’s just a brisk walk.

-Started waking up before my kids so I can have a coffee in peace and take my time getting ready for the day.

-Started working on home improvements and diy including a dining set I’m refurbishing, touching up the paint in my house, and working on my gardens and making my lawn all green and lush.

I’m super proud of my progress so far and how you all have motivated me to start doing things I have been putting off for so long.

Thank you FDS!

MrsValentine · 2020-02-20T11:03:26+00:00

More and more I find myself having to come back to this sub to get back in touch with reality after scrolling through the rest of Reddit. Have just been reading the world news thread about a right wing terrorist in Germany shooting up hookah bars.

The suspect was 43 years old and after committing the mass shooting, murdered his mother at the home they shared (?) before shooting himself. Plenty of reporting about his xenophobic motives but the news of his dead 73 year old mother way down the article, almost sidelined. I wonder if he'd ever moved out or if his mother actually put up with him sitting on her sofa eating her food for 43 fucking years before he came home and murdered her. I wonder if she made his dinner and washed his clothing for him. That murder had no xenophobic motives, it was pure male depravity. The entitlement he felt to take other people's lives was already astounding, but the entitlement he felt to end his mother's after likely wasting so much of it already really hits hard for me.

And the comments about it in the thread? JUSTIFICATIONS. (Paraphrased) "We don't know what his mother was like, she could have been a bad person, I understand him shooting his mother more than I understand him shooting up the hookah bars", and "maybe he killed her to spare her from the pain of knowing he was a murdering fuckup". As if you don't KNOW your son is a fuck up when he's 43/yo & lives at home. As if you don't know he's a depraved murderer when you watch him point a gun at you and pull the trigger!?

43 years of unconditional love for what?? For a side note in an article and a normalised discussion about how maybe you deserved it/how your son murdering you maybe was an act of compassion instead of a horrific violence.

Title	Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In, Quick Questions Answered 2/20/2020
Author	NecessaryCook
Upvotes	63
Comments	340
Date	February 20, 2020 8:29 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/f6q4s2/weekly_fds_chat_checkin_quick_questions_answered/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/weekly-fds-chat-check-in-quick-questions-answered.723129 https://theredarchive.com/post/723129

Comments