You should have a “hoe phase!”

ExistentialJelly · 2021-10-29T22:40:19+00:00

My hoe phase is going to be learning how to garden.

herbivorouscarnivore · 2021-10-29T17:44:43+00:00

If she was happy with what she’s doing, she wouldn’t feel the need to try and persuade you. The most any friend has ever asked me is if I ever considered a hookup just to get my physical needs met. When I said no, that was the end of the discussion.

MsEastEnder · 2021-10-30T00:25:01+00:00

I’m always a bit bewildered when a woman suggests that casual sex with randoms is ‘getting their needs met.’ The female orgasm isn’t in general that easy to achieve (when a man is involved at least) but if the fumbling and pounding from a stranger does it for you, good for you, but for a lot of us that ain’t gonna get it done.

Having a ‘hoe phase’ may initially feel validating in a ‘yay random guys wanna do me’ kinda way but sooner or later it’s followed by the crash into feeling used & disposable. Any woman who has tried to put the pieces of a friend who went the ‘hoe phase’ route back together could tell you this.

abby_ch238 · 2021-10-29T18:30:00+00:00

Or when guys say that every girl will have a hoe phase so if you haven’t already had one and you say you aren’t interested in it, they’ll insist they know you better than you know yourself and that you WILL do it eventually. Dumbasses

Oli_love90 · 2021-10-29T17:58:59+00:00

Hoe phase: unsatisfying sex with a bunch of random people who could care less if you enjoyed any part of it.

warinmymind94 · 2021-10-29T18:31:16+00:00

A "hoe phase" shouldn't be normalized and I had that pushed on me by pickme classmates in college. She is trying to drag you down to her level.

-higher risk of stds and abuse. Taking a man home you dont know and just think about it- you're getting naked and often hes atop you where he pretty much overpowers you. Higher risk of him being violent and abusive especially when you're at your most vulnerable

-yeast infections, throwing off the pH, etc no thanks

-hookups are awkward. You don't even know the guy. How can you even relax and really get into it? At least for me, I can't actually get wet or orgasm at all when I'm nervous and still feel shy. Tip toeing past his roomates or parents or getting looks from his apartment neighbors when you walk to your car afterwards.... all awkward.

-there is nothing to actually gain positively out of hooking up as a woman. Our bodies are hardwired to bond and "catch feels" after sex. All my friends that would hookup would be tripping or crying about how he wouldn't ever call her back.

-it holds up the global resistance. By allowing men to keep using women for low effort sex, it just reinforces to them that they can keep being low effort and keeps them in this objectifying women mindset. If we all stuck together and made them invest into us and make effort then they'd have to step it up or be abstinent.

-what is a hookup gonna actually do for you that your own hands/a good sex toy alone won't do for you? I haven't met a pickme that actually had an orgasm from a one night stand unless she gave it to herself.

zorua · 2021-10-29T20:23:57+00:00

I've never had a ONS, I never will I think. It's just not for me. If others want to thats okay, I won't judge, but not everyone wants or needs these "hoe phases" hah.

LittleSnackPack58 · 2021-10-29T21:51:09+00:00

Why would i want to share my body with a scrote who gives zero shits about me or if I get off? No thanks.

BasieSkanks · 2021-10-29T18:59:52+00:00

One of my friends kept encouraging me to sleep around like she did. She even said she would give me the number of guys she slept with so I could get with them. I always said no, casual sex isn’t my bag. She’s now pregnant from a hookup and the guy ghosted her. 💀

likearealreptile · 2021-10-29T22:22:15+00:00

looking back, my hoe phase was the LOUDEST cry for help. like i may as well have been introducing myself with “i was sexually assaulted in the last five years and i am NOT processing it in a healthy way”.

in retrospect, i sort of can’t believe that NO ONE i was close to, like… noticed. said anything. ever. ☹️

VanessaViews · 2021-10-29T21:55:06+00:00

I feel like women confuse having a single period of their life with a hoe phase. I 100% believe you should have a period in your life where you are completely single and going out and having fun traveling and focusing entirely on YOURSELF. But this phase should not include casual sex with strangers or weird friends with benefits.

2340000 · 2021-10-29T18:01:26+00:00

Exposing myself to STD's, revenge porn voyeurs, and trauma has NEVER been appealing 🤮

What people are looking for is love. Having sex with people you scarcely know is reckless, especially for women. It may feel good to get felt up, but it's high risk low - low reward.

olivelemon88 · 2021-10-29T18:26:18+00:00

I wish I’d known about the pains of managing HPV before my super fulfilling and totally worth it ho phase 🙄 Colposcopies and cryotherapy are no fucking joke.

coffeeheartflutters · 2021-10-29T19:08:35+00:00

I've had too many friends that come out of their 'hoe' phase with horror stories to ever take that plunge myself.

mysecretdiary2 · 2021-10-30T03:13:48+00:00

What I have realized though, it’s really unfortunate. But I have seen many women around me they had to go through shitty experiences with shitty guys or through a “hoe phase” before they actually understand what I’ve been trying to tell them all along. Like so many women are so brainwashed by libfem culture, that whatever I try to tell them eg. let a guy treat you, don’t sleep with somebody right away, etc. etc. it doesn’t go through their brains. And then after getting burnt at some point they get back to me and are like: you’re right, you were right all along.

😅😅😅

kolsen92 · 2021-10-29T20:05:46+00:00

I get this a lot as someone in their late twenties whose only slept with a few guys. I used to buy into it and wonder if I was missing out on something but what to women ever get out of random hookups anyways?

electroloop · 2021-10-29T17:40:14+00:00

That ain’t a friend, that’s a toxic pickme.

_cnz_ · 2021-10-30T00:04:12+00:00

Hoe phases are really just a time period of trauma induced hypersexuality. 99% of the women who undergo them has been sexually or seriously emotionally abused and is using casual sex as a maladaptive coping mechanism or an effort to retraumatize themselves. Most of the time, these women do not even realize that they have been abused.

Men know this and flipped the script, grooming women into leaning into their trauma just to get low effort sex with emotionally damaged women. Liberal fems then adopted this ideology due to lack of emotional services for women back in the 60s and 70s (free love movement) and spread it to the masses for decades.

Women need to seek therapy and not the peepees of bottom barrel men looking to exploit them further

Lmyes123 · 2021-10-29T17:59:24+00:00

Have a "friend" like this. She brags about it and how awesome it is, but then goes on to cry about how lonely she is and she just wants a boyfriend..

She's a real pickme...

Warm_Ad6994 · 2021-10-29T18:37:23+00:00

Ah yes the most vulnerable part of your being should be given away freely to strangers who will not value it. That’ll feed the soul. /s

Sounds very depressing.

bananapanda-mess · 2021-10-29T19:13:22+00:00

Basically my entire 20s with the exception of my 3 year relationship was a hoe phase. None of those hook ups were memorable or worth it. I never even considered the alternative. It’s so sad to think about.

Really tho it was never about having good sex. It was about seeking intimacy or some connection to others. The irony is that I could never achieve intimacy with hookups. It just leaves you feeling more lonely.

I hope I never have “casual sex” again.

iDk_FDS · 2021-10-29T18:34:04+00:00

Literally just had a friend say this to me after a breakup. It's almost as if she wanted me to feel as miserable and used as she felt after her last breakup 🤔

MagickalChilde19 · 2021-10-29T18:30:18+00:00

That kind of thing would leave me feeling empty inside. Hard pass.

JulyParade · 2021-10-29T18:36:48+00:00

I had a hoe phase in my early 20s. And I'm glad it was a hoe phase rather than a married an LVM phase. Most women use their hoe phase to not-so-secretly hope that one of the LVM they are having sex with suddenly "falls for them." At best hoe phase is a distraction from other stresses and definitely not a path to meaningful relationships.

AdmiralRando · 2021-10-29T18:45:06+00:00

Did she come? If she didn’t come, it didn’t count.

She might not have had a ho-phase after all! 😂

TheOGJammies · 2021-10-29T19:43:30+00:00

“Hoe phase” is a misnomer because they’re generally not getting paid for all the bad, meaningless, sex, but “Free prostitute phase” sounds a lot less cute.

frostedgemstone · 2021-10-29T23:24:11+00:00

I haven’t met one person who didn’t regret having a hoe phase.. literally the most pointless and worst thing you could do for your life. You get nothing out of it

ConstantNurse · 2021-10-29T21:13:52+00:00

To be honest, I see the "Hoe Phase" as a form of self-harm. It often comes while the woman is going through a depressive phase either due to shitty guy problems, family problems (with overbearing parents) and/or any other depressive episode in which the self-esteem has been effected.

No String Attached Sex is used to medicate the feelings of depression aka chasing that dopamine/oxytocin high you can get from having sex/orgasm. I've witnessed it with women who have recently left abusive relationships, cruising Tinder with reckless abandon and jumping any and every guy that lends them attention. It's why therapy is so important not just for your self-esteem but for resetting the emotional mindset that is recovering.

I've also witnessed and experienced the extreme in the other direction. Celibacy and fear of men. I was ready to quit dating all together and began to focus on me instead of everyone else. I was sickened by how men are, how they treat women, and how no matter how much I communicated my values and expectations, NVM only thought of "Hurr Durr get dick wet". I was disgusted, disenchanted, and figured I would be that awesome Aunt that travels the world. I was happy with being that.

And then I met my HVM bf. I was happy with the way my life was before but now I have an added bonus of getting to have more happiness. I hope you ladies will be able to find that.

karabnp · 2021-10-29T19:21:29+00:00

All girls and ladies who read, let me advise: A “hoe phase”, isn’t anything that some killer sex toys can’t best.🥂

Why?? 1.) Guaranteed orgasms. 2.) Guaranteed orgasms. 3.) Guaranteed orgasms. 4.) No pregnancy or STD/STI worries. 5.) No having to deal with fuckbois.

Save yourself A LOT of heartache/trouble, and invest in some nice sex toys, before embarking on a “hoe phase.”

eightyonedirections · 2021-10-29T18:46:25+00:00

I thought I needed a hoe phase, but then I realized that the few casual sexual experiences I had sucked and changed my mind lol. It’s not worth it to me. Plus, the risks don’t outweigh the measly benefits. No thanks, I’m good!

pathalienation · 2021-10-29T19:07:59+00:00

Lol just ask how many times she orgasmed on her one night stands.

Alpha_Aries · 2021-10-29T20:01:08+00:00

People who have these hoe phases and feel OK about it don’t need to go around preaching about it. I know a gal who tells every man she’s been with about all of her past escapades because she wants to be with someone who “accepts every part of [her].” She pretends that she feels empowered by this, but there’s always an air of guilt/shame, like she needs to ‘fess up about her “sins.”

Look… whether we’ve had a hoe phase or not, there’s no need to go to confessional for it. Let the past be the past. If we need to accept that men have pasts, they need to, too. If it’s not affecting my day-to-day life or is something I no longer engage in, there’s no need to bring it up, in my opinion.

Best case scenario, you’ve got an HVM feeling a bit jealous and insecure, because they’re human, and it’s understandable. Worst case scenario, you’ve just given an LVM ammo for when the relationship goes sour.

thinktwiceorelse · 2021-10-29T18:42:51+00:00

I had. Ended up with STD and many regrets. Don't!!!

Zaltara_the_Red · 2021-10-29T18:39:05+00:00

"Sport fucking" is what we called it and I felt that it was a right of passage. I have many regrets.

laurencetrishburn · 2021-10-29T18:53:59+00:00

I thought this is what I needed after getting out of a long term relationship, as told to me by a guy friend who has been in a hoe “phase” for 5 years. Lies men tell.

NoMoreLVM · 2021-10-29T23:09:34+00:00

When I was in my early 20s I thought I would try a “hoe phase” and even though I didn’t have any miserable experiences, they were so hollow and unpleasurable. I’d never really dated much before (not due to lack of opportunity but because of a lack of desire) but I thought I’d be missing out if I didn’t do it. We need to stop pressuring young women into doing something that they wouldn’t even naturally be inclined to do. I didn’t gain anything from the experience whatsoever.

europoor24 · 2021-10-29T19:17:04+00:00

Didn't mean to have one but: got coerced 3 times, sexually abused one of those 3 times. Wisened up and was more careful about trying to get into a relationship. I thank my lucky stars I didn't catch an STD/I. Did you know it's been proven that casual sex lowers a woman's self-esteem and harms her mental health while it's the opposite for men?

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2021-10-29T18:23:50+00:00

Dump her now. She's dumb and a liar.

Noemie_Mathilde · 2021-10-29T21:27:18+00:00

It can also be a low self esteem thing. Woman thinks she's unattractive, sleeps with random hot guys to convince herself she's worthy. Hun, you are amazing and male validation is not needed to prove that!

PicoPicoMio · 2021-10-30T05:36:46+00:00

Lol my friend who is peak hoe phase at the moment, will often call me and complain about how lonely she feels despite having lots of casual sex with random hot guys. She receives more emotional intimacy from me than her sex partners.

Edit: she’s a 3rd wave libfem, I’ve tried talking FDS with her. She doesn’t agree with all of it.

VaselineB · 2021-10-30T02:41:20+00:00

Actually... It's better to have a "no phase" Where you learn how to say no to all the people looking to make themselves happy at your expense. There's absolutely no benefit to free loose casual sex - not financial, not emotional, not physical - no benefit.

2y-omonkeyonafarm · 2021-10-29T19:02:54+00:00

It’s very much giving me “my parents spanked me, and I turned out fine!” vibes. Don’t encourage others to do something that doesn’t sit well with your soul just because you feel bad about your choices

thatjimmylove · 2021-10-29T20:58:58+00:00

I don't get why "hoe phases" are advertised as appealing they make me nauseous lmao, It's weird how women hardcore encourage each other to do things that don't benefit us. Even if the friend is super shy not interested in hook ups the friends always will push this onto them. It's almost like they want company for their misery!

zombiessalad · 2021-10-29T21:11:18+00:00

Whenever people talk about hookups its just like…If you want sex with no strings attached just get a dildo, at least that wont fuck ur life up…

natalie2k8 · 2021-10-29T19:18:33+00:00

My "hoe phase" was my self-destructive/self-harm phase. I definitely think women should get out there and see what sex with several men is like just so you don't end up with a dud like I did in my first marriage, but there are safer ways of doing that like serial monogamy

sugarrrrrush · 2021-10-29T19:13:36+00:00

If someone wants to have flings, sure just be on guard. Be careful about rewarding the shitty dudes. They have no reason to stop being shitty if we don’t hold them accountable. The men should be decent, respectful, no lies, be honest.

And if flings aren’t for you, you don’t have to lie to yourself that you actually enjoy it. Don’t recommend flings when you yourself admit it’s causing you pain.

xfelugirlx · 2021-10-30T05:48:56+00:00

My hoe phase is dancing and doing bad bitch makeup. Don’t giving af about men

shockingupdate · 2021-10-30T01:41:08+00:00

Misery loves company. An emotionally intelligent person would face her regretful mistakes head-on instead of proselytizing said mistake to her friends. I hope she figures that out soon!

AyemHerself · 2021-10-30T15:30:28+00:00

The part of my life where I dabbled in kink and polyamory was actually my lowest period.

Sometimes I still think about a possible timeline in which my partners actually showed me respect, didn't ignore my existence until the wife was out of town, didn't get drunk and call me a whore on the regular and blame it on depression, didn't pressure me to reenact the various porn videos they were obsessed with, didn't constantly try to erode my boundaries in and out of the bedroom, didn't stay locked in their rooms until it was time for sex, didn't think it was sexy to keep going after I said "stop," didn't think "do u give handjobs" was an appropriate introduction. Maybe then it would've been fun. But that's not the kind of person who frequents those circles.

Sex positivity sells you a lie that you can be sexual and people will like you for it, and if they don't it's probably something you did wrong. It's done nothing to discourage the fucked up ways people think about sexual women and everyone to encourage more women to be sexual.

Do I think women should be ashamed of our sexualities? Absolutely not. But this dating climate is not safe to express it.

Equal-Ear2312 · 2021-10-29T19:05:04+00:00

that what I really need in my life is a “hoe phase.”

wasn't that some horrible advice that vehiculated in Cosmopolitan by Tracy Clerk-Flory? didn't she begin her career as a "sex writer"?

whydenny · 2021-10-30T05:20:49+00:00

Honestly I wouldn't mind that if there was who to have this hoe phrase with but:

90% of men don't look good for my standards (short hair, beards - no thx)

They don't have respect for women (and they don't even realize it)

Don't know that the clitoris is where the orgasms come from not the vagina.

ApartPersonality · 2021-10-30T05:27:07+00:00

Buy a vibrator.

drslvtr · 2021-10-30T10:55:10+00:00

I had a hoe phase after my divorce. Dead bedroom that lasts five years can do strange things to your mind and body. I wanted pure physical pleasure, nothing more. My hoe phase lasted a little over a year.

Looking back, I now understand why I did the things I did, said the things I said, thought the thoughts I thought. Being denied of something or being starved of something puts you in a scarcity mentality, you just want to shove it to your face the second you find it. It's not a good place to be. I'm in therapy now, trying to forgive my younger self and understand the motives behind my behaviors and actions. I've learned so much about myself, my body, my true wants and needs. I'm wishing it didn't have to take that much experience and that many people to figure it out. I don't really regret my hoe phase, but now I know better.

akashyaboa · 2021-10-30T16:06:44+00:00

Idk, some women have a high sex drive and can enjoy sex without strings attached or whatever. But glorifying that, saying everyone needs it is not the way to go about this. You shouldn't be shamed for having a hoe phase or a hoe life all together. But to each their own.

Title	You should have a “hoe phase!”
Author	ArugulaIsAwesome
Upvotes	1558
Comments	121
Date	October 29, 2021 5:33 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/qii1e9/you_should_have_a_hoe_phase/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/you-should-have-a-hoe-phase.1081101 https://theredarchive.com/post/1081101

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