The problem with “Women would rather obey their boss than their husband”

TenaciousVillain · 2023-12-02T10:13:15+00:00

I think “obey” is oversimplified for the workplace and outdated language.

You’re carrying out an agreement to provide a service for which you are paid, and you are to do so within a matrixed hierarchy that was established not to subjugate you, but for the profitability, productivity and organization of the business. I don’t need my employees to “obey” me. That is not the function of my role. We agree on the job they will perform, their pay, and the vision, and they have the autonomy to carry out that job under my leadership and service to them.

Obedience is a problematic and oversimplified way of looking at this transactional relationship. And as a leader if I treated my employees like they needed to “obey” me (a stupid and petty objective that is far from the actual business goals) then it would probably be a really toxic work environment. Cooperation is far more productive and respects the fact that I am working with full grown independent and very intelligent adults.

This is why companies train leaders to take classes called “Influence vs Compliance” and “leading without authority” etc. It’s a very dated way of managing to think your employees have to be “subservient to you.” It’s the making of a shit leader to prioritize obedience like some remedial grade school ish… to think men are demanding this of wives says a lot about the kind of “leader” he wants to be.

Children are to “obey” not grown ass adults. A wife and husband in 2023 are partnering.

Flightlessbirbz · 2023-12-02T13:06:15+00:00

If you say “men would rather obey their bosses than their wives” it becomes immediately obvious why this phrase is ridiculous.

No-Library-2144 · 2023-12-02T11:25:14+00:00

The idea that one person in a relationship should be subservient is just gross

00ft · 2023-12-02T09:22:30+00:00

Completely agree.

Whether it's motivated by the capitalist hellscape we occupy, or a woman's genuine desire to succeed in her chosen profession, employer relations are crucial to many people's livelihood.

To suggest that a partner should have a similar level of influence or command over another human being as their employer is gross. The fact that so many employee relations are influenced by misogyny and capitalism further compounds the problematic nature of the sentiment.

PS: it seems you may have a typo after the word "do" in your first paragraph.

TidyMess123 · 2023-12-02T10:20:34+00:00

When he starts making up facts that are easily disproven to support his argument 🚩🚩

chalkandapples · 2023-12-02T10:56:23+00:00

I would be happy to have my husband be my boss, he's a great boss. If he wants to pay me my current benefits and total compensation, then sure he can have 8 hours of my time Monday - Fridays. Plus our money is combined so him paying me is just me paying myself.

Love-Is-Selfish · 2023-12-02T11:31:38+00:00

It’s an equivocation on the word obey. The way in which employees obey their bosses is not the sort of obedience that sexists want.

Planthoe30 · 2023-12-02T11:18:03+00:00

This is the most sane subreddit I have seen in a minute. I’m so tired of dealing with red pillers.

Logical-Confection-7 · 2023-12-02T13:20:47+00:00

Is probably the most idiotic argument I’ve heard. I don’t mena this post but the “why women want to be subservient to their boss but not their husband”. There’s is literally hundreds arguments that show how stupid this. I’m gonna add some more.

A) you aren’t truly subservient to your boss, you are just beneath him in authority when it comes to your job. He cannot tell you what’s to wear or who to hang out outside of work.

B) if you were subservient to you husband, then it would be more like a duty or a roll rather than a marriage. You want partners for support, not to be in a dictatorship.

C) Why then men want to have job by not to clean for their lady and makes sandwiches and be subservient to their wives?

D) you work also for you. Many times for money but Manu other be use you have a personal commitment to produce an create shit. Sometimes to help others.

That whiny argument is really just a petty attempt at emotional manipulation.

Schmurby · 2023-12-02T11:00:29+00:00

OP has written a thoughtful and well written piece in response to an utterly absurd assertion.

No one needs to “obey” their spouse. That is the opposite of what a mature relationship should be.

Charming_Parking_302 · 2023-12-02T17:06:25+00:00

I will obey mmy husband if he pays me £65,000 annually (my current income) gives me 28 days annual leave, sick leave and only requires me to obey him from 9-5. If he can do all that, then I'm open to the conversation

harmonica2 · 2023-12-02T19:10:34+00:00

Aren't guys the same way in that they would rather obey their bosses than their wives, as well?

Kurva-Lazanja · 2023-12-02T10:53:01+00:00

I benefit from "obeying" a boss. I don't gain a single thing from serving a male husband. Therefore I will not be doing that. It's really that simple.

AdEffective7894s · 2023-12-02T09:16:39+00:00

I think it is more a remark on the tendency of women to openly disrespect their boyfriend or husband. Like openly display contempt.

The question being asked is why would you treat someone you say you love like that, a relationship which by all metrics should be more important than your job but you handle far more carelessly.

It's probably a manifestation of "men aint shit mentality that seem sto pervade the west."

At least in the beginning the woman tends to be standoffish because she knows he wants her more than she wants him and because she can next him immediately

We are equals and in theory we both have veto power in the relationship. Neither of you are beholden to listen to each other and can hold each other accountable, but it is still not a good idea to be a dick.

While in the past it was kind of accepted that men who behave like this women do exist the current paradigm judges such men as bad people. On the other hand women doing this is conflated with women standing up for themselves and the vibe of the response is " yas boss babe! Yas!"

zeynabhereee · 2023-12-02T13:57:45+00:00

Very well said.

cinnamongirl444 · 2023-12-03T04:02:15+00:00

Also, workers mostly submit to their bosses because otherwise they wouldn’t have a source of income to buy necessities. Who would want their romantic and intimate relationships to be like that?

MrBrittle · 2023-12-02T09:38:03+00:00

Your husband does not put you on a payroll. He doesn’t put money into your pension, savings, no company shares, health insurance, dental insurance, 401k, sick leave, paid maternity leave or paid holiday. And if you’re a SAHM mother, god knows you don’t get sick leave or time off.

Actually yes, where did you get that no? I'm about to get married and will put my wife on my health plan. And everything I buy she will also consume, and she will also have money for individual things, in addition to the INSS (National Social Security Institute) payment. I'm concerned about the kind of supposedly traditional relationships you know, because certainly the women in these relationships are literally starving. I believe that the men in these relationships you know are quickly becoming widowers

Some women enjoy their work - whatever aspect that is, they like the people there or the challenges, I’ve yet to see proof that all women are despising their jobs any more than men do.

Yes. SOME Women. But most people in general (women are people), don't like their work.

Women are 90% of our nurses, 50% doctors, 76% of teachers, 53% of lawyers, 81% of social workers, 56% of medical scientists. Let’s stop pretending that women don’t have roles in society outside of being wives and mothers.

Who is faking what? One thing has nothing to do with the other. Do not diminish the social role of a wife and a mother, these women are important.

Do men not have a job and are therefore also “subservient” to a boss? Even business owners and CEOs have people they have to keep happy.

It depends on the nature of the job the relationship is often bilateral, especially when it comes to a qualified and rare workforce. The same goes for women. But in most cases there is subservience, but what about that?

Genuine good faith question: why should your wife “obey” you rather than both of you having a mutually respectful relationship? What exactly makes you better qualified and give her more incentive than a boss?

If the issue were genuine, there would be no false dichotomy between hierarchy in decision-making and respect. And men should be the ones in charge of decisions because:

Women prefer it this way;
Men prefer it this way.

For responsible people, decisions are not mere privileges, but a burden. This is a weight in which the woman wants to be spared, and the husband wants to spare his wife.

babazuki · 2023-12-02T13:08:01+00:00

If you don't want to spend the rest of your life in service to your spouse and family, then don't get married.

Marriage isn't a right. It's not everyone's end goal in life to get married. It's completely optional.

But the agreement in marriage is that both partners are bound to serve each other. And almost always the woman demands her husband makes money. That's ok. That's his duty to her. He's not going to demand the same from her but she has duties towards her family the same way.

It's silly coming up with new rules that fit your palate. If you don't want to get married just don't. Or call it something different. "Barriage" or something. Barriage is when you like someone so you live with them and you both split bills, but you can leave whenever you want and sleep with other people. Whatever.

Dry-Cricket3524 · 2023-12-02T10:06:03+00:00

Acting like being a sahm full time is harder than a full tine job is laughable at least, especially after the kids turn 6 or 7. By that time they can literally be left on their own at home. They should be capable enough at that age to microwave a meal for themselves, get undressed and get into their pajamas after they come back from school, and do some homework, which takes you a few minutes to look over after. Yes, it's hard while they're infants and toddlers, but they aren't incapable and helpless until they turn 18. Unless you homeschool them (which is a bad idea either way), i don't see whats that hard. You should send them over to kindergarten by 3 or 4 so they can develop some social skills either way, which gives you 4 to 5 hours a day to do whatever needs to be done.

There's no reason why someone can't do both, especially with help from the other parent. But obviously, just staying at home is way, way easier. I think it would be way healthier for a lot of women if they stayed home with the kids instead of slaving their lives away to barely make food, rent and Healthcare. Shit was way better when men actually made enough.

As for why you should listen to someone who works their ass for pay for everything you need while you relax with the kids at home.... I don't think you have to rub those braincells too much to figure it out.

AbsolutelyNobody0 · 2023-12-02T12:50:27+00:00

Ahh yes, married women are notoriously kept off of their husband's health, dental, and vision insurance. Vacations are strictly only something the husband does as well.

The reality is that a lot of women would be more fulfilled and more effective if they put their efforts into furthering their family as opposed to sacrificing their children on the altar of career. You may have less money at the end of it, but I'd argue many women stand to gain things much more valuable than money if they took another path...

Away_Art_1273 · 2023-12-02T14:16:00+00:00

I think it's all just natural and no amount of word playing will make it right.

No-Rough-7390 · 2023-12-02T13:49:56+00:00

Let’s put it this way, women would rather:

be a drunken frat boy
do 4+ years of extra school for a worthless degree
take on soul crushing debt
and work a thankless job

Then rely on a man. Welcome to 2023.

Barely-moral · 2023-12-02T11:44:58+00:00

When it comes to women, particularly wives and mothers in the workplace I’ve seen this line crop up a lot. To paraphrase, apparently women these days have an issue being subservient to their husbands but will listen to their boss. There’s a few issues with this sentiment/outrage

I'm am all ears.

Your husband does not put you on a payroll.

He pays for you. If you picked the right one.

He doesn’t put money into your pension, savings, no company shares, health insurance, dental insurance, 401k, sick leave, paid maternity leave or paid holiday.

He does. If you picked the right one.

And if you’re a SAHM mother, god knows you don’t get sick leave or time off.

You get what you negotiate for.

Some women enjoy their work - whatever aspect that is, they like the people there or the challenges, I’ve yet to see proof that all women are despising their jobs any more than men do.

The happiness level of women keep decreasing since they entered the workforce.

Women are 90% of our nurses, 50% doctors, 76% of teachers, 53% of lawyers, 81% of social workers, 56% of medical scientists. Let’s stop pretending that women don’t have roles in society outside of being wives and mothers.

Fine. Not that I ever pretended that.

Do men not have a job and are therefore also “subservient” to a boss?

Yes.

Even business owners and CEOs have people they have to keep happy.

I agree.

Genuine good faith question: why should your wife “obey” you rather than both of you having a mutually respectful relationship?

False dichotomy. We can have a mutually respectful relationship and she can obey me at the same time.

The real question is why should she obey me at all. And the answer is that I have better decision making and have her best interest as a priority.

What exactly makes you better qualified and give her more incentive than a boss?

A boss only sees her as a disposable/replaceable tool and has their own interests as a goal. I see her as an irreplaceable partner and have her own best interest as a goal.

Filmguy000 · 2023-12-02T14:50:32+00:00

I agree. The problem is, most men end up becoming subservient to the woman these days. Of all the friends and families that I have known in my life, I rarely saw a couple where the man had complete control over the wife in some form. But the opposite? Almost all of them.

lovestocomment · 2023-12-02T16:21:25+00:00

Actually, plenty of women get allowances and they are the ones who make most of the decisions when it comes purchasing goods for the house hold and themselves. Wives who do decide to take an allowance typically do so because they have extremely bad spending habits. At a job, her boss has literally no obligation towards her. She has no decision making power in how the company is run either. Where with her husband she does, maybe not in everything but she does make important decisions. So women should obey their husbands over their bosses.
Most wives work in some capacity, raising children is job in itself. Running the family business or working for their husbands is a thing. Also, wives have more say in how the business is run when they word with or for their husbands. Nothing prevented women from doing things they love, but like all things there has to be a balance. When that woman is injured in someway or pregnant or have limited capacity. That job will most likely fire her. Why because she is disposable and easily replaced by her boss, because that boss only cares about production. Not her. Where as if that wife is injured, pregnant or not able to work. She will have financial, emotional and physical support by her husband free of charge. She won't have worry about food, housing or anything like that. Wives should obey their husbands.
Only 37% of doctors are women. That drops significantly less when doctors specialize. Yes, most nurses are women. But most of the innovation and papers published are from men. No one is pretending women have no roles in society outside of being wives. However, women use up more resources, pay less taxes, have more debt, do not participate in building and maintaining the actual structures of society. The reason women have rights and privileges is because of other men. However, women seem to be under the impression that rights, freedoms and the privileges they enjoy doesn't come with any form of responsibility. But guess what, if woman gets in trouble or in danger, guess who's she'll most likely look to help from? I'll give you a hint, it's not other women... Wives should obey their husbands.
Men are subservient to their bosses up to a certain point. Part of the reason men make more is because men are less likely to settle for whatever their boss is offering. And is more willing to be disagreeable for that sake, for goal of negotiation. From my experience, working wives have a higher ability to command more pay because they can walk away and they have the support of their husbands who help them gain negotiating power and teach them how to get higher pay. That's why women should obey their husbands.
Why should my wife obey me? That's a long list. But here's a few things. Outside of whats listed above. A) I actually love and care about her and her boss doesn't. B) I would risk my life and injury to defend her, but her boss wouldn't. C) If she needs personal mental and emotional support and leadership I'll provide that. Her boss won't. D) if it's the end of the world and society crumbles, I'll still be there for her. Her boss won't. E) If her family members need help or support in anyway, I'll provide that help and support. Her boss won't. F) If the house is on fire and the children are inside, I'm running in to get them. Her boss won't.

So those are a few more reasons why women should obey their husbands. Obviously not every husband is perfect. But a husband will always be willing do more and sacrifices more for his wife, vs his wife's boss.

thedarkracer · 2023-12-02T09:42:31+00:00

A good way to say that you would fuck your boss but not your husband.

And to add, if you love someone you surrender to them. It's the norm, doesn't the husband do anything for you? Like someone on this sub said, all women do for love is take, take, take like give me your money, give me your time, give me your everything but in return, I will just let you fuck me only when I desire ( if you ask for it then you are a bad person) and if you have any mental issues you can say it to me but fix it yourself as I won't help it (read comments from my other post, it's good data)

Gitsumrestmf · 2023-12-02T11:45:06+00:00

"Obey" is not the right word here, as guys don't exactly command you. But you should show more caring and respect to your husband, than your boss.

Who is your boss to you even? Oh, he provides all those things? Your husband provides that and more, in most cases. He's taking responsibility for you 24/7, while you play your little pretend "independent" game. Who does sh1t around your house, car, etc.?

And it's not just about what he provides. Your husband is your life partner, your family. Compared to that, your boss is less than a pile of crap.

AMDisappointment · 2023-12-02T15:51:03+00:00

Do women not want the man to lead? Don't women hate being in the leadership role in a relationship?

DietTyrone · 2023-12-02T15:58:59+00:00

Ah, so in summation, a woman's respect is tied to the benefits she receives. But...we already knew that.

kvakerok · 2023-12-03T02:29:48+00:00

The most unhinged shit I ever read on this sub so far.

He doesn’t put money into your pension, savings, no company shares, health insurance, dental insurance, 401k, sick leave, paid maternity leave or paid holiday.

Except every job's health/dental insurance covers spouse, and your husband's money are literally at your disposal with zero effort on your part, and if he makes enough he maxes your 401K yearly.

What exactly makes you better qualified and give her more incentive than a boss?

Uncountable cases of women hooking up with and marrying their literal bosses.

This unhinged shit.

Let’s stop pretending that women don’t have roles in society outside of being wives and mothers.

Lists non-critical low-risk jobs with low mortality rates.

How about we stop pretending your contribution is anywhere on par?

Spare-Estimate5596 · 2023-12-03T13:49:25+00:00

Your husband will take care and raise your children. Your boss wont.

basedmama21 · 2023-12-02T16:23:24+00:00

I’m on my husband’s payroll

I hate working. So I work for my family and I have my own graphic design company that makes me tons of $ but I answer to no one

Women will look for any reason to not respect men I swear 🙄

BeepBeepYeah7789 · 2023-12-02T13:30:58+00:00

I've heard and read this sentiment before. From what I understand, it's a simple way of responding to women who say they don't want men telling them what to do (usually in reference to their fathers, boyfriends or husbands); yet they are willing to do what their (male) bosses tell them to do.

Also, a husband may not pay his wife a direct wage, but he is still compensating her financially (in most cases).

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OtPayOkerSmay · 2023-12-02T17:53:32+00:00

Your whole post basically boils down to "men bad, women oppressed," which is demonstrably not true.

ThorLives · 2023-12-02T17:56:18+00:00

Your husband does not put you on a payroll. He doesn’t put money into your pension, savings, no company shares, health insurance, dental insurance, 401k, sick leave, paid maternity leave or paid holiday. And if you’re a SAHM mother, god knows you don’t get sick leave or time off.

My brother works a full time job and his wife is a SAHM. She most definitely gets all these benefits from him: he pays for the house, bought her car, covers all her health insurance through his job, her retirement is thought him. She also gets migraines and is out-of-commission for several days at a time, and my brother handles everything when she's laying down in a dark room all day - i.e. sick time.

Do men not have a job and are therefore also “subservient” to a boss? Even business owners and CEOs have people they have to keep happy.

Yes. Not even sure what point you're making here. Sounds like you're agreeing with the original meme.

YearnsToDestroySun · 2023-12-02T18:52:02+00:00

It's the word 'obey' that's weird for me. If it's like "Women would rather respect their boss than their husband" - then that may hold greater weight without making a relationship sound like a slave driver system.

Different-Virus-7474 · 2023-12-02T20:06:00+00:00

Why is there so many feminists here? Women do tend to be more submissive towards the boss these days. Most places I've worked the women have even been sleeping with the boss. Women mostly use men for resources. A wife probably costs over a million dollars in a lifetime, so it's a question women have to ask themselves at some point.

macone235 · 2023-12-02T20:34:44+00:00

Genuine good faith question: why should your wife “obey” you rather than both of you having a mutually respectful relationship? What exactly makes you better qualified and give her more incentive than a boss?

When you expect dominant men, then you don't get to sit there and selectively choose dominance. If you want a man to protect you, then you need not be drawing unwanted attention. If you want a man to provide for you, then you need not be asking for control over finances. If you want a man to lead you, then you must not be making demands for him to follow.

The issue with women is they ask for something, and then get mad when what they ask for has consequences. They want to live in this fake reality generated from their ridiculous novels where certain men act in a way that is contradictory to their nature.

Song_of_Pain · 2023-12-02T22:06:48+00:00

What you're missing is that feminism has very much aligned with capital and the interests of the top 1% in the last 20 years.

Women are more prone to seeing people at the top of hierarchies as being good people by virtue of their status; the issue with women that this phrase is describing is they prioritize their job and boss over their male partner, and thus don't respect him because they see him as low status.

ravingpiranha · 2023-12-03T03:19:46+00:00

I mean you answered your own problem. It's all about money

boom-wham-slam · 2023-12-03T09:42:10+00:00

I actually agree the fuck out of this. As a man if you're not providing financial stability and leadership, then why is anyone supposed to listen to you? You have to earn a woman treating you like the boss. Honestly it's not even that difficult.

NOW that being said, there are still women out there that will not accept treating their man as their boss even if he financially provides and leads her in a competent direction. They will be jobless and still yelling "girlboss, independent woman, I do what I want", being disrespectful to the man who provides for them. Those women are useless for relationships as far as I'm concerned but that's why I simply wouldn't date them. Sex only, no relationship.

If you don't want a woman who doesn't obey you, man up and don't date a woman who doesn't obey you. Who would have thunk its that easy. Have some boundaries... however this is the problem with the men complaining about this is they don't have standards or boundaries and therefore they aren't respected as a leader and in conclusion they get themselves into the precise situation they cannot win at.

KissCutMe · 2023-12-03T10:01:23+00:00

The idea that I need to “obey” my husband is absurd to me. Is he my father? An authority over me? Or are we a team?

Title	The problem with “Women would rather obey their boss than their husband”
Author	AdhesivenessLevel379
Upvotes	86
Comments	609
Date	December 2, 2023 9:00 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/188zqa7/the_problem_with_women_would_rather_obey_their/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/the-problem-with-women-would-rather-obey-their.1239840 https://theredarchive.com/post/1239840

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