Again. Single dads will use younger women for childcare.

starlight_sequence · 2021-08-18T00:17:59+00:00

My new roommate is an elementary school teacher and was telling me about how she’s been dating a single father for a month and how “sweet” it is that she’s already met his child. Alarm bells went off for me because I’m worried this exact situation will happen to her.

CuntWaffe · 2021-08-18T01:25:42+00:00

In the first sentence, she mentions how he was "newly widowed". His first wife DIED, and he wasted no time looking for the next Mommy McBangmaid. This guy is an all around loser.

Geocities_SEO_Expert · 2021-08-17T23:48:32+00:00

This story puts these kind of "sweet" blended family vows into an entirely different light. Which really shouldn't be surprising.

Catz10000 · 2021-08-18T01:18:26+00:00

The thing that struck me about this story was how he literally ended up not lifting a finger for his own kids. Had his wife lived, they probably would have ultimately divorced since he was so LV. She met the kids within days of meeting him and didn't see any red flags. Younger ladies and lurkers: experience gives you the ability to see through bullshit. Any sign of a red flag should make you run.

pickmieshaexorcist · 2021-08-18T02:10:46+00:00

Tamara sounds like a right flying monkey for her Narc dad!

purasangria · 2021-08-18T01:53:06+00:00

They just expected her to take the abuse, and then abused her more when she noped out. Why would anyone think that this was okay, to be cruel to the woman who stepped up to mother you?

queenofswordsxxx · 2021-08-18T00:39:30+00:00

First of all, yikes with the age gap.

Second, he probably brainwashed the daughter into thinking stepmom was the ‘witch’. Big yikes. I wonder what the indoctrination has done to her well being. Probably a pickmeisha that lets men walk all over her.

DandelionScreaming · 2021-08-17T23:42:21+00:00

Both this woman and the kids lost here. He intentionally pushed her to be attached to those kids (and them her), with the quick marriage, vows, and sudden full-time childcare. This woman did the right thing by leaving, but also I can’t blame her kids - they’re victims of this man’s manipulation and likely also a ton of lies about her. It’s their father’s fault, unquestionably. Unfortunately this woman is getting the brunt of it. A good example of why you shouldn’t do age gaps, rushed marriages & the huge risk of marrying single father’s if you don’t have kids of your own.

WatermelonSugar47 · 2021-08-18T00:01:33+00:00

Jesus Christ.

Pickled_Tink_Tea · 2021-08-18T00:09:20+00:00

This doesn't surprise me in the slightest. Before current BF I've only ever dated one man with kids and he tried to put a lot on me.

Luckily he left me for another woman (whom he met while I was looking after his kids). I didn't mind though, as I was planning to end things and it made it easier.

Now she's living with him and his kids, who he has full time.

She was very "cool girl" though, putting up with a lot from him and tolerating a heap ton of flaws and ego.

CanadianRadFeminist · 2021-08-18T03:24:01+00:00

This is exactly why you NEVER take a man's sob stories about his ex at face value. Men like this will suck the life out of a female partner, and then drag her name through the mud for decades.

Worse yet, this pile of human garbage has been psychologically torturing his children for nearly 2 DECADES over his failed slave capture. A 6-7 year old girl is not going to so vividly remember "promises" made by an adult she barely knows all on her own. Give them some time, dont bring up the ex unless they do, and i guarantee the children will forget after a while. Their father has been dumping his anger and bitterness on his children ever since, and he wont let them forget about her and move on.

All of this emotional trauma and brainwashing inflicted on innocent children, because his plot to secure a much younger, naive servant and emotional punching bag fell through. What a sick, twisted fuck.

Helpful_Stock · 2021-08-18T07:19:24+00:00

ARG. I saw this post on the stepparenting sub from a woman living in a ONE bedroom apartment with some dude she met a year ago, along with his FIVE kids (2 of them under 2 years old.) Did I mention she's also 6 months pregnant with her first child? She was asking for advice because since they met, he basically never let's her have time to herself, expecting her to stay home all the time Watching HIS 5 kids. Apparently she isn't even allowed to have a nice bath to herself without him getting angry and accusing her of avoiding them. He is also unemployed and games a lot of the time. Thankfully everyone tried talking sense into her. Most said they are extremely worried for her and her unborn babies future.

dancedancedance7 · 2021-08-18T01:34:34+00:00

And this is why women without children shouldn't date men with them... Why the baggage? At 23 you can have anything you want in life. Good she got out. She doesn't owe anyone anything. The guy was a terrible father and traumatized his daughter.

Junior-Lion7893 · 2021-08-18T05:11:02+00:00

I run into a lot of these guys on OLD. Half of the time their kids are posed as their “nieces and nephews.” Nowadays, as soon as I see pic of a man with children I just reject instantly. I’m not sticking around if he has kids.

LateDiagnosedAutie · 2021-08-18T08:13:10+00:00

15 years ago, this 'Tamara' was just a 10 year old kid. Which means that, even since her 'new stepmom' left her, her father has probably been sledgehammering into his kids' head that OP was a vicious, heartless harpie who abandoned the family at the time of their greatest need or some BS like that.

He's effectively brainwashed his now ADULT child that any and all problems with the family only happened because of this 'evil stepmother who abandoned them' rather than an incompetent husband and father who literally could not keep his own family together, even on a second try.

I wonder what happened to the kids' bio mom?

dontsayboo · 2021-08-18T02:33:26+00:00

Lawd this resonates so much for me. I was the 22 year old dating a 33 year old widow with a special needs 3 year old.

Took five years for me to leave that abusive relationship and was verbally abused by that very angry kid too.

Then it was 3 years of therapy to unwind for the gaslighting and trauma bonding. I lost a lot of friends who felt like I abandoned the kid or “gave up” too soon but I’m thankful for the strength I found to leave.

My only sage advice is stay away from age gap relationships.

lolmemberberries · 2021-08-18T02:25:26+00:00

This is why I don't date men with kids.

vbych76 · 2021-08-18T03:56:30+00:00

I love that the story unfolds and shows both the beginning and the inevitable end.. it shows step by step what you get in those situations.

MajesticSkyPachyderm · 2021-08-18T07:08:43+00:00

Never date single dads unless you want to be a single mum.

modernmedusaa · 2021-08-18T08:58:22+00:00

Why is a 22yr old taking that on at her age?

Birth rates have massively declined you do NOT need to deal with these men and their kids - don’t even entertain them at all

Ericaeatscarrots · 2021-08-18T01:56:13+00:00

It’s clear that the daughter grew up listening to the father bad mouth the stepmother all the years after she left. If he didn’t, it would have just faded away and they all would have moved on. But scrotes love to blame women for, well, everything

Usernameunchanged · 2021-08-18T00:39:51+00:00

Typical LV behavior: "you were supposed to stay, because pRomIseS, while we all abused and used you!"

NOT THE ASSHOLE. Will and his kids certainly are though.

FlockAroundtheClock · 2021-08-18T05:33:51+00:00

Daaaamn! I’m so happy she got out. Fuck that guy and his bratty kids. And how dare the daughter try to jilt her!

andwhenwillitbegin · 2021-08-18T12:11:01+00:00

This sort of thing is all over the stepparents subreddit. The amount of stepmothers used and abused like this is truly horrifying, and then you get the odd idiot who says “you knew what you were signing up for” which has got to be one of the most stupid and victim-blaming nonsense put on women.

Don’t date men with kids. Been there, done that. It almost destroyed me. Stepfathers have an easier time because they aren’t seen as automatic monsters like women are and are, instead, considered heroes.

It’s a different ball game being a stepmother. The misogyny is rife.

WorkaholicParty · 2021-08-18T01:55:05+00:00

I might be harsh but the kids are also a bunch of morons. My brothers and I never got an actual education and still didn't bully people around.

My own dad (worst scum i know of) used to bring random gfs, abuse them and would try to convince my little brothers to hit them to which my brothers responded by protecting them and staying away from him.

I know children absorb and yada yada but I was perfectly capable of acting stubbornly against my parents scrotery. And she's 25 now, she can't self reflect? When you hurt someone you know what and why you are doing it. It's one thing to be manipulated to dislike somebody, another is insulting them and trying to make their life hell. Those kids were weak and cruel, and the dad is maximum scrote. Your mom just died and you bully the nanny/mother replacement? And people just endure it until they leave without questioning if it's OK? And you don't develop a sense of shame? Normal people cringe at innocuous past behaviour but you can't formulate regret about hurting somebody that was caring for you?

Also why are men so comfortable throwing away their children at strange women????? If a woman did this, CPS would be called on her and eyebrows would be raised. Do they care so little of their children or is it that women pose no threat to their lives so they are incapable of thinking beyond themselves. My best friends's sister was sexually abused by their step mom and their dad did nothing and is still with her. They stopped seeing him when they reached 16 and could choose. These things are way more common than people think, don't leave your kids to random people.

nicegirlelaine · 2021-08-18T03:01:25+00:00

Ive actually had guys tell me even before the first date that they needed someone to help raise his kids. Nope.

kwallio · 2021-08-18T05:38:34+00:00

NTA. Block, block block. Block the whole fam.

Ironsculpture · 2021-08-18T09:18:40+00:00

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree it seems. The children got taught early to blame the woman for living her life instead of their father for failing them when he was responsible. The fact that they remained just as dumb when they grew up shows that entitlement always was a part of their character.

The "promise" was a laughable attempt to transfer responsibility to the poor woman. That guy hoped he could guilt her into becoming a mother of children that weren't hers through half-hearted words.

Astral_weaver · 2021-08-18T08:29:01+00:00

All the 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 where there from the beginning. Fortunately she managed to realize that the situation was a loss for her relatively soon.

No woman had to tolerate this kind of bullshit though.

smart-tart23 · 2021-08-18T10:40:53+00:00

Wow…. Felt like I was reading my former life!!! This is exactly why I WILL NEVER date a “single dad” (much less marry them) again… the guilt and using the kids to manipulate is so real while he becomes fun dad… I remember being sucked back in several times over the guilt of damaging the kids … lessons learned.

amberalpine · 2021-08-18T01:31:55+00:00

Just dropping off the story of an acquaintance of mine. Was friends with her fiance when he was single, and genuinely thought he was cool. He started dating her and I was put off by the 17 year age difference, but apparently she's into "mature guys" and really liked his kid. Then they move in together and she's literally not allowed to enjoy normal things a 21 year old girl would like to do because now she's a step parent... Then he starts cheating on her with his ex, but she can't leave between the housing crisis, her job and her relationship with the daughter. Then her parents say they're going to stop being childcare for the daughter because they're tired of being exploited by proxy... so he dumps her. She goes out and gets loose for the first time in 3 years and gets a DUI, which really complicates moving out... All the while the little girl has known her as her dependable parent for most of her life and is starting to develop panic attacks over the idea that she's going to move. After 9 months of being broken up but living together he proposed to her. They're 5 months in and my ex saw him at a concert with a mutual female friend, who he apparently publicly made no qualms about sleeping with while his fiancee took his daughter to Disney Land. PS, her parents are building them a house on their property.

BasketLow8411 · 2021-08-18T03:59:02+00:00

This one tugs at my heartstrings a bit. I know why…because I was this woman. But for twelve years, not one. In fact, if I look back at our relationship, I’m pretty sure the main reason my NVX married me was for money and/or child care. He turned out to be an abusive, addicted shit in the end. And, I have taken responsibility of all three of the kids, only two of which are biologically mine. The oldest, she wants nothing to do with him whatsoever. I am her only parent as bio mom has been fully out of the picture for longer than her father and I were together. She is mine and I love her like she is mine. In fact I didn’t leave her father sooner because I couldn’t stand to leave her with him. But I realize my situation is vastly different. But similar premise from the man. He expected me to do most things for her when we got married. Child care and medical appointments and birthday parties and school stuff, etc.

ALysistrataType · 2021-08-18T00:36:51+00:00

The fact that OP is in her 30's and Wills daughter is 25. Whew boy. Okay. All I can say is good for her for leaving. It's one thing when your partner picks on you but to involve the kids in harassing, undermining, and disrespecting you is messed up.

nattyhattie · 2021-08-18T10:59:32+00:00

The only surprise in this story is that he didn’t want to have a baby with second wife right away. It would have made it much harder for her to leave. Yes, I’ve seen this play out.

VeganandlovingIt · 2021-08-18T02:38:09+00:00

This was just sad to read. I tell my daughter to never get caught up with an older man, especially if he has kids. They aren't looking for life partners, they just want live in nannys, servants, and fuck buddies.

NotEvenRemotelyLisa · 2021-08-18T03:42:29+00:00

I’m glad to see this here. I just read that post and was so disgusted.

That subreddit is full of young women who got manipulated into marrying older men to take care of their kids for them.

curiousiberiantiger · 2021-08-18T05:41:08+00:00

I hope he didn't kill his former wife

bapresapre · 2021-08-17T23:57:02+00:00

If this woman is in her 30s now and her stepdaughter is currently 25, that’s already telling of how gross this man is. The age gap isn’t thaaaat bad, but how would he feel about his daughter right now marrying a much older man with 2 kids who treated her like shit.

28Improved · 2021-08-18T02:57:47+00:00

Ew. Grounds for divorce

Make sure you scope out losers like this EARLY. Introductions to kids should be after a significant amount of time and relation investment, and if he starts to pawn them off on you and game after marriage time for that parental agreement prenup you should make sure you get

Edit to add: Tamara is 25. She is at the age where she hopefully will stop being a Pickme. Block and delete, hopefully she will own day realize her dad was a leech

msxchrisx · 2021-08-18T20:56:54+00:00

I saw this one too.

Lord knows that "child" was made to take over the household duties when the step mom decided to do better for herself.

With the way the father acted I'm sure he used her (as the eldest and female)for everything he didn't want to do which of course was everything. She's bitter because of that not about any silly promise from ages ago.

OPs best bet is to ignore everything from that family because nothing good will come of it.

No need to disrupt your queen shit to worry about bitter bettys👸💁‍♀️

throwaway-fds · 2021-08-18T21:30:19+00:00

Single mothers have to worry about predators while single dads have to worry about finding mommy #2 to unload all parental responsibilities on 🥴🥴🥴

OptionalCookie · 2021-08-18T15:02:24+00:00

I am pleased that she did not endorse some good quality in this man in her first paragraph.

I know this: I ain't playing mommy to someone else's kid. Period. I wouldn't expect someone to play daddy to mine. :\

musicalistic · 2021-08-18T16:02:20+00:00

This reminded me about one of my friends. She is currently married to a man with five children, with the oldest child is the same age as her.

She and the man has 20 years age gap. I know for sure deep inside she is miserable because she always said those children are not her children but she has to take care of them anyway.

otronivel · 2021-08-18T03:46:57+00:00

I really believe he killed his first wife or kidnapped the kids and moved to another state or something and there’s a mother out there searching for her kids.

AnniaT · 2021-08-18T14:56:43+00:00

If you're in a relationship with a man that has children always enforce your boundaries and make it clear that you're not their mother nor will do mother duties. And if they start using and disrespecting just to have free childcare leave. It's possible to have good relationships with single fathers but these are hard and many men will take advantage. Plus if you want children yourself many single fathers don't want to have more children but instead want you to take care of theirs. Also make sure to only meet children when the relationship is serious and stable. As we see here men who introduce children too early are a big redflag.

blackmetalbetty · 2021-08-19T09:29:50+00:00

I'm not defending Tamara, but if the father was as bitter and skillful at deceit as OP recounts, how does she know it's not him messaging her from Tamara's account? The message seems like some narcissistic, conniving shit you type up in Gmail as the computer bathes you and your anime style reflective glasses in blue light. It would make more sense being from him because narcs don't ever want to be forgotten. This woman was chilling at su casa, and "Tamara" just decided to remind her ex illegitimate stepmom that she's still seething, out of the blue? Single dads are some of the biggest "plate spinners", they always need a backup to come in a raise their kids when the preceding one gets wise and leaves--Tamara would have been exposed to this constant revolving door of women and would not have been attached to OP for 15 years...

capresesalad1985 · 2021-08-18T19:17:31+00:00

Holy moly - thank god she got out. I have mixed feelings for the kids, they obviously don’t understand the situation and need therapy now as adults. I didn’t have a good relationship with either of my parents but I’m now as an adult I wonder what adult problems they were having that made them they way they were (my mother is stroke victim and my dad was an alcoholic - they were not living at all). I’m also surprised he didn’t wrangle some other young 22 year old for the job after her...maybe FDS is finally working!!

cicerii · 2021-08-22T14:19:57+00:00

There’s a girl on tik tok who looks like she is 23 making videos where she is preparing food for her step kids who are older, like preteen age. She does A LOT for those kids and It makes me uncomfortable.

buggcup · 2021-08-18T00:53:49+00:00

I’m sure he pushed the narrative that OP was the villain all along. I hate that the stepdaughter has such misplaced anger, as they were clearly both victims of her crappy dad. I can only hope she’ll see the light as she grows older and that OP will get the help she needs separating herself from a lose-lose situation where she wasn’t at fault.

quasarbar · 2021-08-18T00:52:21+00:00

I don't blame Tamara for feeling upset, and I don't even blame her for treating the stepmom horribly (whatever that involved) -- children behave horribly sometimes and it's their parents' job to correct them.

But this is on Will, not OOP.

proudpine · 2021-08-18T20:41:09+00:00

I AM SO GLAD I REFUSED TO DATE MEN WITH KIDS. I love kids! They are amazing. But they are a HUGE responsibility (if you’re doing it right) and you have to be damn sure their father will be doing his part or else you’re signing yourself up for years of misery.

Elegant-Emergency-60 · 2021-08-30T21:26:43+00:00

Red flag city. Any responsible single parent will NOT rush having you meet their kids and will go out of their way to protect them. Sad but unsurprising to see the kids have grown up to be just like their father and he sounds like a real son of a bitch.

Relative_Ad_6683 · 2021-08-18T00:30:29+00:00

She knew he had kids when she met him. Why is she so surprised? Comes with the territory and if I were you I wouldn’t have made all of those promises if you weren’t able to keep them. Kids=full time job. She can either talk to him about how she feels and something changes; but odds are this will end in divorce. Too much responsibility for such a young soul.

Title	Again. Single dads will use younger women for childcare.
Author	GabbaG0ul
Upvotes	1090
Comments	127
Date	August 17, 2021 11:26 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/p6f7i6/again_single_dads_will_use_younger_women_for/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/again-single-dads-will-use-younger-women-for.1058178 https://theredarchive.com/post/1058178

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