The logistics of dating as a man.

bkballa34 · 2022-04-03T23:38:40+00:00

These posts get no traction because this sub and pretty much any relationship sub is PACKED with anti-social people or people with some sort of social anxiety disorder. So, any suggestions regarding being good at being social are going to be challenged because it's basically like advising people to sign up to be tortured.

Every friend I've ever had has tried to introduce me to someone or put me in positions to meet someone. Being social is how you meet people and meeting people is how you find partners.

Also, places like the gym and work are great places to meet people. If you're social at the gym and work, women will be more open to you being social with them. They might overhear a funny joke you told or a cool story about something that happened to you over the weekend. However, if they only see you talking to other women or if they never see you talking to anyone they will assume you talking to them is suspect. Being social is how most people meet partners and the larger your social network, the more likely you are to find someone you actually want to be with.

Also, it's true that women don't want to be bothered by men they aren't interested in regardless of where they are, so you have to generate interest or find out if she is open to dating. My suggestion for gym approaches is to be someone that most of the people at the gym likes or at least are polite to. Start by saying hello and goodbye or enjoy the rest of your day and build from there.

Watching guys engage with other people helps women get an idea of who you are, your sense of humor and to a certain degree your character. All of which helps build attraction and interest, which requires being social and putting your personality on display for most people.

kumquat-chutney · 2022-04-03T23:10:51+00:00

The place is irrelevant. If you are unattractive there will be no place where you can interact with women without making them uncomfortable.

AdobiWanKenobi · 2022-04-03T16:37:14+00:00

Welp all the suggestions I’ve read thru so far are pretty shit

Elevatedheart · 2022-04-03T20:09:28+00:00

Back in the 80s and 90s people met at bars, church, gym, social gatherings, etc. We weren’t as suspicious about meeting people because we didn’t have the paranoia we do now because of what social media has perpetuated.

So if you don’t include all of the above you just mentioned, than their simply aren’t any other options. Personally I find online dating the best way for me.. I wouldn’t have opportunity otherwise. I don’t do activities that men take part in. Yoga classes have like 90% women so that’s not gonna work. I don’t hang out at bars and I don’t like going to Home Depot.. lol..

So I would suggest more men get into yoga. Lots of beautiful fit women there.. but that would mean they’d have to show more vulnerability.

jasonology09 · 2022-04-03T16:47:53+00:00

Any approach that seems like an approach has a very high chance of failing, regardless of place/setting. Unless you're a dreamboat that she's already been eyeing, walking up to her and cold approaching is going to bring her guard up, and once it is, it's very difficult to bring down. If you can make the interaction seem natural or at least not scream of an approach, your chances of success are exponentially higher.

HannibalsProtege · 2022-04-03T18:57:40+00:00

Hey Op break down the comments like this:

Don't go to the gym, but go to the gym, there are women there. Women who want to have some interactions, and those that will do their best to appear as uninterested as possible. Good luck sorting the two out (doesn't matter if she has ear buds in or not humans never use their eyes other than for reading their phone screens now 🙄).

Car Clubs/Shows: I would genuinely like to have feedback from someone born from the mid 80's to '00 who has successfully picked up someone or has been successfully picked up by someone at one of these venues.

Creative Writing Classes: Not sure how tone deaf this is to some people with a pulse, but not everyone is a writer! With online blogs allowing you to write from the convenience of your own dwelling, you can take a FREE class without having to drive somewhere.

Wine Tastings: Eddie Murphy 4th wall stare Either the women travel in packs, or come with a group of people. Or their S/O. I've gone to tastings at BevMo, and two other wineries and the women that have come through are usually taken or seldomly interested. I wonder why they didn't mention that first 🤔?

Soft sports: Volleyball, kickball, softball are sure to get their interest piqued in a man who isn't cut from a Rom-Com, or Disney fairytale /S. Dodgeball and Tennis Centers might be your best bets; but remember Tennis Centers do have their range of issues in the selection of women. Dodgeball is a good middle ground, you can still be aggressive, coed teams, and can have some good cardio (+1.... finally)

Miscellaneous: Lastly and my favorite of the less than helpful advice, you're given a small sample in which some of these activities are specific to the individual like the investment group classes. This'll have to be lightning striking, and you being in the right place at the right time.

Basically the majority of the comments boil down to YOU making the first move (shocker didn't see that one coming 🙄) in locales where there are women.

Great help guys.

A1Dilettante · 2022-04-03T13:45:31+00:00

Dance class of the partnered variety like tango, salsa, etc. It puts you in an vulnerable yet fun setting where you're actively doing something while interacting with others to help each get better. It makes for a relaxed social setting to meet and get to know women.

thetruthishere_ · 2022-04-03T14:08:56+00:00

Coed sports like softball, kickball, or volleyball.

Edit to add or bowling leagues.

Katatonicsnake · 2022-04-04T09:51:32+00:00

Different women like different things. Where would you like to meet women, what kind of women would you like to meet? I attend open lectures, courses, and other similar events quite often. There are a lot more women than men. Those environments often encourage discussion. I think hitting on someone is almost always unattractive, unless I’m surrounded by my friends in a familiar surroundings. Even then, it should be light and friendly, nothing cheesy.

The problem today is that people seem to think that every encounter has to begin with heavy flirting and seduction. It makes many women anxious or annoyed, and it creates huge pressure on men. Most couples I know have met each other at random locations, they just started talking without pressure to have sex with each other. I’m sorry if this is frustrating to hear, but forming relationships requires patience, openness and acceptance.

EntertainerUseful408 · 2022-04-03T17:31:23+00:00

I think a good way to assess this is observing the guys who are in relationships and where they met their girlfriends. In my experience, 90% of the guys I know met their girlfriends in college (and these are average guys btw).

After college, it does become significantly harder to organically meet someone. The best thing to do is keep in touch with friends and make sure to visit them every so often. If you know even one guy who has a girlfriend, try being friends with the guy and when his girlfriend sees you are a decent person she might set you up with some female friend of her own. The key is to get your foot in the door into the female social circle.

If you don't know a single guy who has a girlfriend then sorry to say this but the problem is you. You can't expect to be antisocial and have a girl fall into your lap.

Cherry_macaroon · 2022-04-03T14:27:59+00:00

If you are religious, church is actually a great way to meet a girl. Especially in churches that have social events/bible study groups that helps you get to know more people. I know plenty of couples who met through church

YouAskedIt · 2022-04-03T15:53:09+00:00

Idk. I feel like most people meet organically through close social circles, work, and daily networking connections. Those that don't use online dating. I see a lot of guys say they don't have social circles and that is a symptom of their problem. The setting to meet new people makes no difference if you lack social skills and the ability to form those relationships.

Karaokoki · 2022-04-04T03:32:48+00:00

Game stores

Hobby shops

Bowling alleys

Basically, have an interest or hobby that takes you outside of your home. I promise there will be women there.

The issue, however, is that women enjoying themselves in public or participating in their hobbies in public places are not always open to being approached to be asked out. Please don't lead with that. Start by getting to know them first and building rapport.

GroundbreakingWing48 · 2022-04-03T13:46:41+00:00

Walking your dog outside is all you need to do for me to start talking to you.

Any regular semi-social event that allows me to get to know who you are a small bit before engaging in conversation. For me, that’s bar association meetings; CLE meet-and-greets; parent events at the school; my kid’s dance class; waiting at the bus stop for my kid.

If there’s a spark in the conversation, that’s the time to ask if I want to go on a date. If not, leave it alone.

RealNiceLady · 2022-04-03T17:33:51+00:00

If I were a man, I would chase any attractive woman wherever I saw her.

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2022-04-03T14:05:46+00:00

Putting these constraints on where men approach women is exactly the problem. 90% of places are go in my opinion. The biggest turn off is being a mouth breather that doesn't groom, not approaching women.

As a single woman, I only went to the gym to catch a hot man - I have bikes, run paths outside, female fitness buddies, hike trails, etc.. don't care about getting muscular, most naturally skinny women just wanna get in cardio or tone, if even that.

If she really wants to be a gym-goer, she brings her man to workout with her - and he is usually also a hard gym goer, too.

Frequenting the spaces of men you want is the easiest way to catch a man. Why would a woman be at horse races as a non-horsegirl or charities if I wasn't trying to catch a rich man?

Work and college are also a go. Literally who cares where you meet a woman. If you see something you like as a man, make the move. Just make sure you don't look dusty.

ruboyuri · 2022-04-03T18:26:38+00:00

Why not those places? You know, the most common ways to met a partner?

KikiYuyu · 2022-04-03T20:46:02+00:00

I don't think I'd change my strategy that much. I just try and bond with people over shared interests.

margaretnotmaggie · 2022-04-03T23:28:09+00:00

Church, the library, classes (college or just for fun), volunteer groups, environmental groups (the female to male ratio in these groups tends to be favorable for guys). Learning a language is also a great way to meet new people, women included. It will have the added benefit of boosting your desirability.

mandoa_sky · 2022-04-04T00:21:55+00:00

meetup - best case meet someone

worst case - found a new hobby club

i remember couples getting together all the time at my old history club. salsa is great at well.

cloudnymphe · 2022-04-04T02:57:46+00:00

I’d start going to local small scale raves/EDM events. And maybe learn to DJ or pick up some fire/poi spinning skills. The people in that community are SUPER friendly, it’s really easy to meet people even if you’re shy. Men or women who were new to the community were always warmly welcomed. Not saying that translates directly to it being easy to get interest from women but my male friends in that community who put themselves out there usually had partners.

My main dating strategies if I were a man actually don’t have as much to do with how I’d approach women as they would with adopting a certain aesthetic. I’d basically become the male version of the type of guy who interests me sexually, most of whom get a lot of attention from women. I’d go for that alt skater boy style and wear eyeliner and paint my nails (which is how I’d dress as my male equivalent anyway). Then I’d involve myself in the communities where women who are into that type of guy hang out. Basically appeal to that niche.

undecided-name · 2022-04-04T03:54:53+00:00

I'm a guy. But just saying stop giving a shit what people think of you, nobody is perfect and someone is always going to think you are creep if you approach them, even if you are Brad Pitt (although probably much much fewer will think that of him).

So my advice for place? Well look at what do you like. Are you a big fan of dancing and dancers? Take a class and approach women there. Are you a meditator? Join a meditation class or create your own. Do you like snowboarding and snowboarders? Well go to a mountain. It's really that simple and as a man just take the risk of being a creep.

miminothing · 2022-04-04T11:17:39+00:00

Yoga... great ratios!!

sabiinvesting · 2022-04-09T17:26:54+00:00

Before I go into things, I only approve of being approached with mutual understanding that there is great uncertainty, and what is being pursued is interaction and not a relationship. What I mean by that is, I want the mindset to be "Let's get to know each other without any expectations."

The time when I really enjoyed being approached was when I was at an art exhibition, and a guy approached me to talk about the piece that I was admiring for a very long time. We talked about art, some other things, and exchanged numbers. We both figured each other could be fun to be around, and we didn't think much more of it.

Just don't overwhelm me, and I will most likely be fine. Please have a better reason to want to hang out with me than just my face or whatever.

Other_Taro_3806 · 2022-04-03T14:25:55+00:00

Men get really confused when we don’t like being hit on. Honestly when some of you guys hit on us, it’s really just either not presentable, rude, creepy, or disrespectful. I been hit on the train, streets, groceries, gym, library, school, kinda everywhere. Just being nice and having good hygiene is enough to start a conversation.

Being rejected has nothing to do with a place, it’s just the first impression. Although the best place to meet me would be in a park. I’m out for a relaxing day and I could be up for a relaxing conversation. But if your a creep in a park, it’s gunna be a no.

WhyAreYouScaredHoney · 2022-04-03T18:59:10+00:00

Though groups or clubs that you have an interest in. Like an artist's group. You'll meet new friends, if nothing more. And, if you do end up meeting the one there, at least you'll know you have something in common with them, whether that be Picasso, tennis, or something else entirely.

parahacker · 2022-04-03T14:28:42+00:00

Honestly as a woman I find it wholly inappropriate to cold approach anywhere besides social settings like bars or clubs. If I’m alone and not speaking to anyone take a hint and don’t ruin that. Gyms are probably my least favorite as I’m there to work and not be bothered by the man with a semi bulge in his pants. And I do everything I can to make myself unapproachable including avoiding eye contact, resting bitch face, ear buds and a scowl if a accidentally make eye contact

Hot_Role9647 · 2022-04-03T14:25:23+00:00

My advice would be just to open to as many options as possible while remaining mindful of course. I work in a male-dominated field and have met men there. Cold approaches & online dating are lame as last resort. I don’t think anyone should go to work with the intent of trying to date someone but If you meet someone, you’re both single and you like each-other, then just be open to it. With it already being so hard to meet people organically nowadays, we cannot afford to just shut options down.

I’m more open and attracted to men I already know, rather than random strangers from the street or online. My longest-lasting relationships have been with men I met either at work, school or mutual friends. That’s not a coincidence.

flapperfemmefatale · 2022-04-03T15:08:55+00:00

What's the issue with meeting through direct friends?

Forsaken_Software394 · 2022-04-03T16:17:41+00:00

Yoga classes, dance classes, wine tastings, fundraisers, investment classes, music/food festivals, private events, sporting events, dog parks, tennis centers, museums, car shows and even church are all places I’ve connected with healthy, single, attractive women around my age (mid 20’s).

Why do men think it’s so hard to meet and find women outside of the bar and gym? I feel like most don’t even try to go out alone anymore….yelling at a woman down the street will never ever work and a cold approach does not count if you have to involve alcohol.

You’re welcome 😘

Orange_Paisley · 2022-04-03T16:10:47+00:00

Places where I've been successfully approached include but are not limited to bars, coffee shops, Burning Man, house parties, festivals, the dog park, the beach.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-04-03T14:31:39+00:00

Clubs, so long as they aren't for overwhelmingly male interests, and various methods of meeting friends of friends. The same as I did to find a man, as women need to find people to date if they want it too. I'd probably still not care too much about someone I didn't consider to be a friend at first though.

Rook_Cross · 2022-04-03T16:29:37+00:00

"Do not include direct friend group". This is the problem, people not having friends and family, community, not being socialized properly. On top of that a lot more mental illness so they can't be socialized properly. Got to get back to basics, if you can, build a friend/community network. If you can't do so, well, there is, I'm sorry, probably something wrong with you (not you but the hypothetical) and that's why you haven't been successful and don't really have the greatest chance of being so. But volunteering was helpful to me just meeting people. Also can't do it just to be calculating, you have to build relationships, you never know which one might work, or be that connection to someone else who's right for you.

Darklillies · 2022-04-04T01:33:59+00:00

The counter movement to dating in Asia is coming from an increase of porn sickness and depraved crimes (cameras in bathrooms, assaulting school girls, semen in womens food, list goes on) and rampant use of prostitutes. What I’m saying is, the problem is not where to find women; is that women will actively not date men until the whole of society and culture changes.

Necessary_Flan_8139 · 2022-04-03T15:55:49+00:00

Do you have any hobbies that tend to be more popular with women?

Creative writing and yoga come to mind, for me anyway.

I would go to whatever group exists for that hobby near you, but go there to actually partake in the event, not to scope out the women in the room. It is really obvious when one is doing the latter.

And if you over time develop a rapport with a woman there, you can go further. But be prepared that it will be awkward and you may not want to come back if you get a bad reaction, as it can be hard to tell if someone is into you or just friendly.

I don’t know if that answer seems too vague?

There is some nuance. It’s best if the activity you pick has multiple similar activities nearby, as opposed to something really niche that would mean you or the woman would be discouraged from partaking in your hobby if it became awkward between you.

localmicrodosechamp · 2022-04-03T16:13:36+00:00

I would make a profile that isn’t sloppy, aggressive, or mean and stand out on online dating in two seconds.

Then I would send nice messages to women and be in the top 1% of men on old with minimal effort.

amremaininganonymous · 2022-04-03T17:02:26+00:00

If I was a man, I would not be out looking for just any woman to take care of

And I would probably be over just random sex, too, but if not, I guess I’d bang someone off of a dating app if they really wanted to, with a rubber, and not at my place

pinaasa · 2022-04-03T18:21:48+00:00

Just don't say things like "I think you are pretty I really would like to get to know you"

Maybe just start normal conversations and not an awkward 'I want to date you' - thing It's kinda shallow, seems like lying and being the 38483937 to be told exactly that because horny. It's weird and also strange to date someone you didn't talk to for at least 1 minute.

ajb950 · 2022-04-03T16:45:12+00:00

I don’t agree with that at all.

Socially isolated society?

I talk to more people in a day than my dad did in a month.

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sarkington · 2022-04-03T15:14:28+00:00

Any social group

Yes, even work

Wander1900 · 2022-04-03T23:49:27+00:00

I think we should finally as a society give up. Let me explain. If we random friend request on fb - creep, random fb message - creep, talk on the gym - creep, talk on the church - weird...

Only way is online dating unfortunately it's the way we have evolved as a society. Social media and covid ended families and pregnancies...

2022-04-04T01:11:23+00:00

An art museum or bookshop cafe would be nice to meet up with people.

GloomyHousing2657 · 2022-04-04T02:56:25+00:00

My piece of advice. As a woman. Is go to clubs and social events in stuff you have interest in. You’ll find women that are most compatible with you in those settings.

ObviouslyAnAltAct · 2022-04-19T23:52:58+00:00

Bro, who cares if women don't want to be approached cold any more? Do it anyway and who cares if they don't like it. As long as you are respectful and back off when they clearly aren't interested, I don't care if they don't like it. I don't like having 0% online dating, either I'll take a 5% chance cold open any day than a 0% chance online. And I'm mildly inconvenience them? Psh. They can not like it as much as they want, but when it's your only and best option yoy do what ya gotta do.

AdobiWanKenobi · 2022-04-03T17:41:53+00:00

Pose as a grad student and peruse your local college campus LOL

Some guy on a PUA forum I lurked on many years ago did this. He said men are too focused on dating apps or nightlife but that college campuses are untapped resources.

HuntressAndGoat · 2022-04-03T22:14:12+00:00

My only problem when this happens is when I am blatantly treated like either a s*** or a w**** bottom line is I enjoy sex and physical attention and reciprocation of skin on skin contact very very much it is actually a biological need for me more so than food and sleep and water and affects every area of my life not getting enough physical attention but being treated like just because you approached me I should rip my clothes off in the nearest dark corner and f*** you that's not okay or meeting me on the bus and we exchanging a decent conversation and then a day or two of texting back and forth and then all the sudden you're offering to pay me to come and spend the night and f*** you that's not okay unless I present myself that way respectfully I don't need to be treated that way and I know that it's awkward and I know that it's difficult to approach a woman trust me I'm 5 ft 11 the luxurious 44 year old woman you have some very nice ankles and some very unattractive angles whatever the bottom line is I fear rejection so much so that I would literally rather star and break out in rash has physical manifestations of physical starvation touch starvation rather than go up to someone and ask them hey I'm so desperate for touch and affection can I give you a foot massage that's how desperate for a section and touch I am and trust me I'm relatively attractive woman who gets approach on a regular basis I cannot go out in public and catch the bus without being leered at by wolf in men's clothing driving down the road looking at me like you I'd like to grab that and f*** it so as much as I desperately need physical attention and physical touch skin on skin I starve without it most of the time because I don't feel like being used like an object because I want to also have a friendship and and have things in common and enjoy think we're both humans why does it have to be Man Against Woman why can't that be us on a path taken a walk and occasionally having to hold each others hands to make sure we don't slip and fall why does it have to be men against women my mother raised me to be a man hater he was married seven times most all of the men that she married with child molesting drug-addicted rapist violent assholes she was a child molesting violence rapist taking advantage of men can anyone stealing Stevens s**** who pretended she wasn't a prostitute but she was she was a lot lizard we hitchhiked across the country of the United States more than five times her and three young children hitchhiked across the country more than five times in 18 wheelers the woman was a lot lizard okay so my perspective is a little skewed in a little weird bottom line is why can't we just be together on this why do we have to be separate men versus women women versus men can't we just be individuals were all just individuals trying to survive my goodness gracious

Title	The logistics of dating as a man.
Author	rootsnyder
Upvotes	159
Comments	442
Date	April 3, 2022 1:27 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/tv994d/the_logistics_of_dating_as_a_man/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/the-logistics-of-dating-as-a-man.1108832 https://theredarchive.com/post/1108832

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