Own Your Shit Weekly - October 20, 2020

Stoic_Wrangler · 2020-10-20T12:17:38+00:00

OYS #5 10 weeks post ILYBINILWY.

AGE: 41, wife 41. Married 11 years, together 14 years. No kids.

6’2”, 255 lbs. Target weight 210.

LIFTS: Squat – 200, DL – 220, BP - 150 Gym time 5x a week.

READING: Finished: NMMNG, MMSLP, WISNIFG, TPF, TTGTW, Rational Male, TMAP, TBOP, TWOTSM, 48LOP. Rereading NMMNG.

BACKGROUND: Got ILYBINILWY 10 weeks ago. Found MRP after googling ILYBINILWY.

PHYSICAL: Steady improvement – lifts got considerably better in the last week, but I'm fucking around less in the gym. One week in on TRT and already feeling better. I’m sure this is mostly a placebo effect, but I’ll take it. 3 lbs down over the last week and 34 lbs down total. Diet on point with no cheat days since starting. Lungs starting to feel better since not smoking since quitting cold turkey.

SOCIAL: Getting better by the day. Have made a small group of new friends found at the gym. Decent dudes that are more than willing to offer assistance at the gym. The gym I attend requires reserving time slots and we all get together and decide what time slots we are reserving to work out together.

Three of the guys I went to the dunes with last week came over to the house and we spent a few hours in my garage putting the new rail together. Wife was pleasant and entertaining which was unexpected….the usual shit tests and fits that she throws out before company comes over was non-existent. I was happy with her behavior, and old me was tempted to point this out to her after everyone left but caught myself and stopped those thoughts in their tracks. STFU is the best policy.

MARRIAGE: I am now 10 weeks post ILYBINILWY. I have decided to utilize my wife as a sparring partner for the time being.

Interesting notes for the week:

This week was my wife’s birthday, which I have been dreading for the last couple of months. She reacts childish to her being one year older, and has only gotten worse over the last 10 years as I have always enabled and rewarded. Her birthday is typically a shit storm that consists of testing me, throwing fits, testing me some more, me being her emotional tampon, and me failing the tests and making things worse. I normally buy her a bunch of shit she doesn’t need (which she doesn’t end up liking anyway) and the day will be 100% likely to end in a huge argument and her not talking to me for a few days.

This year I took a different tactic; I didn’t get her anything. Instead I planned an awesome day out that consisted of heading to the beach, lunch at an ocean side café, a car meet, and a few other activities. These were all things that I wanted to do with no consideration to what she would like. Why? I am done rewarding and enabling bad behavior. I was expecting her to start throwing her typical tantrums, and if that was the case I had a day planned that I could take off and do on my own and have an awesome time.

When she asked me what we were going to do for the day, I outlined the plans and told her I would like her to come along if she wanted. Surprisingly reacted with a smile and said “Sure! Whatever you want to do, babe.”

I suck at overt dread, but the wife reacts hysterically to even the smallest amount:

While we were having lunch at the café, we were being served by an early 20’s HB8 who was very friendly and being a bit flirty. Normally in this scenario I would be avoidant and pretend like I didn’t notice. Instead I engaged with our waitress and flirted back with her just a bit…nothing overly egregious, but my wife definitely noticed. Again, the wife tends to react hysterically in this type of situation. When we got in the car, my wife looked at me and said “For fuck’s sake, what’s next? She was totally hitting on you right in front of me! What a disrespectful little bitch! Was she going to give you a lap dance at the table next? You sure didn’t seem to mind!” My typical response to this would definitely be to DEER like my life depended on it. I took my shot and replied “a lap dance would have been nice, but I don’t have any $1’s on me and I didn’t see an ATM nearby” and I braced for the incoming shit storm. She looked at me oddly, punched me lightly in the arm while smiling and said “you’re such an asshole sometimes, you know that?”

That evening she pulled the same move as last week and got into bed with only a thong on. As others pointed out to me in my last OYS, I was playing stupid mind games and failed to initiate. This time I initiated and was met with starfish. I recalled what u/man_in_the_world said last week and just cavemaned her. Afterwards, she went to the bathroom and cleaned up. When she came back out she climbed on top of me and initiated. This time it was much better quality. This is the first time we have fucked in 16 months, and the first time we have fucked twice in one night in years. Oh, sweet validation...how you come roaring back when I'm given scraps from the table. Suppressing my need for external validation will be a focus.

HEALTH: Steady improvement. Morpheus Thad from the gym has me set up on a diet plan and tracking macros. Upped caloric intake to a healthier level.

GOALS: Continue gym sessions 5 days a week- no missed days. Keep diet on point with no cheat days. Continue abstaining from porn and smoking. Develop a true mission.

ContributionFinal · 2020-10-20T08:42:09+00:00

OYS #6

Stats: 37, 5'7 165lbs 22%bf (navy), LTR 6 years, two kids <5yrs and one on the way

Books: NMMNG, WISNIFG, MMSLP, Rational Male, MAP

Lifts (lbs): Bench 185, DL 305, Squat 235

My last OYS was a couple months ago. I was allowing reddit to become a distraction, so I decided to work through things on my own for a bit.

Frame

I've come to understand that frame is basically just knowing what it is that I want and acting on that... without being swayed by external influences (manipulation, opinions, etc). I can still take external input, but I judge that information for myself and my decisions are only based on my own conclusions. Since realizing this, I have been able to fully not give a fuck.

Looking back on my mindset earlier on in this process, I can see that I was allowing my actions to be controlled by a fear of the judgement of others, or a fear of being viewed negatively. I always thought this fear was something that I'd always have, and that anything that I try to get rid of it (therapy, self-help) would only be teaching me techniques to learn how to live with this fear. But now that I no longer care about the opinions of others, that fear is gone.

I now understand that opinions are made up things that have no actual effect on me, and I am no longer interested in having my fear of this imaginary thing control my decisions. Since figuring this out, I do not care what other people think, good(validation) or bad.

For the first time, I know that what I do in life is completely up to me. It's given me a sense of peace that I've never felt before. It's the first time I've actually felt good about how I'm living my life.

Nuking the family

I struggled with this idea for a while. I thought this was about being willing to push the button, and I couldn't really agree with this because.. I won't be the one to push the button.

But now I don't think it's about who nukes what. I think the important thing here is to have the following mindset:

In the event that my family gets nuked, I will be okay.

Like I said, I won't be the one to push the button and I have my reasons for that. However, since I am okay with whatever happens... I am now free to operate from my frame. I will not tolerate disrespect. I will make my own decisions and do what I think is best for my family and myself. Because I am not afraid of the outcome (whether or not the family stays together), I am not afraid to live my life the way I want.

Ego

In one of my previous posts, I talked about how the energy vampire portion of MAP hit home, but not as it was intended. I realized that I was the energy vampire in my current relationship. This led me to reflect on my past and I discovered that I have been the energy vampire in nearly every single relationship (romantic or not) I've had. After spending a while thinking about why this is, I've come to the conclusion that I'm a narcissist.

I see that I've had this fake self-image that I've been trying to force onto others. It prevents other people and myself from seeing and connecting with my true self. I'd do all kinds of crazy things to have that image validated, including only surrounding myself with people who I'd know would give me validation. Any time something didn't align with that image, I'd get angry, defensive, and butt hurt.

Now that I understand that this image is some fake shit I made up, I've been able to let go of nearly all ego protection and validation seeking. My real self is nothing like the image I created, it needs no validation because it doesn't claim to be anything other than a guy who is trying to learn and grow.

LTR related thoughts

I still find myself dealing with thoughts about things that she may be doing behind my back. Even though I've already reasoned through it, and I know that her actions do not matter to me, the thoughts still pop up like a compulsion.

When I have one of these thoughts, I usually have to slowly reason through it to remind myself why it doesn't matter to me, and then I can let it go. The problem is that it takes time, and it's a huge distraction from other things that I'm trying to accomplish.

Lately I've just been telling myself to push the thoughts away because I know I've already thought it through on some previous occasion. This way, I don't have to reason through it in the moment... I don't even have to remember any details of my reasoning. I can just take comfort in the fact that I know I worked this one out already and I can immediately drop it. I think this compulsively thinking about her actions stuff will slowly fade away as I make this a habit.

What I currently need to work on

I'm having trouble with time management and keeping things organized. This is really the first time I've tried an approach that isn't just winging it. What I'm finding is that every time I get a schedule and a plan going, something new comes in and throws a wrench in the works. I allow myself to feel overwhelmed, then I shut down and it takes me a while to re-organize things.

I need to do two things here:

Become quicker at adjusting and adapting
Become more organized overall

I think I can accomplish this by going over my schedule at regular intervals, whether it needs adjustment or not. I am going to aim for bi-weekly review of my schedule. It shouldn't take more than 30 minutes to go over everything.

Vegasman20002 · 2020-10-20T11:47:16+00:00

*OYS 34

Age: 50 Wife 50. Married 19 years. 2 kids 16 and 10. 5'6" 154 up 3 pounds since bulk started.

Lifts

175 x 6 bench (up 5-proficient) goal: 200 by January 280 x 5 deadlift (up 5- proficient)- goal 2x body weight by January 100 x6 OHP (up 5 intermediate) :goal 120 by 12/20 185 x 6 squat (up 15). Goal 200 by 12/20. I know this seems like an easy one but with two bad hips I can't push too hard without risking injury.

Doing BLS but am adding one extra set to most of the big exercises while bulking.

Thanks to your advice on my AskMRP thread on deadlift grip I started doing fireman's carry, and already see results. Latest deadlift I did 255 without hooks (up 30) using alt grip and 235 overhand, again up 30.

Diet

My BF is stuck in the same range for two months now (13.75 caliper, 16.5 lifts, 18.75 Navy)

In a prior OYS I questioned my TDEE and was told to look at TDEE 3.0. So I am, and have been using it for the last ten days. Started out with 2500 calories on lift days and 2000 on non-lift days. Literally gained zero in a week. So I increased by 100 calories on lift and by 200 on non lift and gained 2 pounds in a weekend.

It's all over the place.

What I am doing is adding 500 calories to my TDEE for lift days and eating exactly TDEE from the calculator on non lift days. Will do that for a month and see what it says. No rush here, and I want to be accurate.

Goal: one month of above then reevaluate.

Goal: hit calorie targets 7/7 and within 5% on macros- met this 6/7 this week.

Eventually I want to hit 20% BF on Navy or 160 pounds then cut again, if needed. Given T update I am hoping to avoid another cut in the short term

T Update

Most recent blood tests still low. I was at 353 when I first looked at T as an issue. Now it is 514 and free 10.7.

So I started injections this week, 200mg 2x week, HCG 2x week Anastrozole 1x week. Looking forward to it. so I am hoping this jump starts some more fat loss. I can see top two abs (barely) but still have a spare tire. In profile my chest and spare tire are equal, which isn't horrible compared to where I was but nowhere near where I want.

Reading

Goal: five hours of reading and watching MRP stuff, start TWOTSM.- met it this week.

This is the easiest goal.

Chapter 1 of TWOTSM puzzles me and I spent some time thinking about it. I am a third of the way into it (second read through) and overall it makes more sense now than it did 9 months ago. But chapter one says, right off the bat: "Instead of trying to fix her so she no longer does x, relax and give her love, and tell her when she is x, or doing x"

Well, my wife is fat and I don't want her to be that way. So I put fat in for x; what kind of advice is that? Tell her I love her when she is fat?

Relationship and shit

I realized this week that I am treating MRP as a checklist of items that I do. And I am seeing results. I think about how to respond to shit tests, lifting, making sure I give praise, STFU. Like clockwork, almost robotic, and I hope that if I keep doing it something will click.

But the fact is it is all one big covert contract for me, if i do x, y and z my wife will lose weight. I need to cast off this idea and do these things to be the best version of myself.

So I am thinking about this idea all day long; whenever I do something and whatever it is, it is for me and me alone. I have been talking to myself in private, with this as a mantra: "you are doing this for you; no one else gives a crap, most of all your wife." Now I don't know if this is true; she may give a crap. But I operate on the assumption she doesn't, and if she doesn I truly don't care. It's me and me alone that pushes that barbell up.

I hate to use buzzwords and bullshit, but wife is along for the ride for now, is ceding to me and I am doing what I am supposed to.

We have been watching a show called Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, and if that show doesn't red pill you, nothing will. I won't bore you with details but the men are absolute BP simps and the lead is a diagnosed BPD post-wall feminist with three high value guys after her. But she is presented not as a hero but as a cautionary example for men. And I suppose a feminist dream for women who are her IRL.

The sexual politics of the show engenders a few shit tests and I easily shrug them off with a joke or STFU. And the wife is disgusted (her word) by the men, and by the lead woman, which makes me laugh on the inside.

There but for the grace of MRP, was I.

The men are well built, and sexy, but such losers with no self respect. I see her unsolicited comments about the men as her way of telling me she wants my self respect as well. And I am giving it.

I see the hard work finally paying off. If she were at all a decent SMV I would probably have a tougher time and would get a Main Event at some point. For now though it's smooth sailing. But the potential rough seas ahead are in the next section.

Sex

No initiating, again. So: Goal: initiate at least once this week.- fail.

As I have said in prior OYS she is getting better but starting from 5' over 200 lbs, there is still a lot to go. She is probably 175 now. Just no authentic desire on my part.

I know I am possibly shooting myself in the foot and sabotaging my efforts to get her to follow my lead. But then I realize this is a covert contract. And I am thinking about how to validate her weight loss, without genuine desire on my part, but also DNGAF, but also getting out of my head, but also showing her how to get out of the maze, but also x,y,z MRP rules that all apply and contradict themselves in my head right now. I like her, I love her, want to spend time with her, she is smart etc. But that is one side of the scales and the other is I Just don't want to have sex with her.

So I STFU, lift, think and read. I need to find my way out of this maze first before I can show her the exit.

And if not, I have some decisions to make. Yeah it's easy when your wife is sexy or even a 5. Try getting it up for a two. And I get zero rejections when I initiate, obviously, as rare as it is.

Overall Mission

My overall mission is to never be that 75 year old rotting away in a nursing home, or just sitting around watching TV to run out the clock.

Right now my two big pursuits are lifting and shooting. That's enough for now. But a few years from now who knows? What matters to me is that I have something to pursue so that I stay interested in life.

As for the shorter term, still looking for a destination.

DirtyNuke · 2020-10-20T09:17:02+00:00

OYS 64

Age 65 Ht 5'11" Wt 177 Wife 66 Married 44 Together 47

Physical - Hitting 65

When Social Security (in the US) first started, 65 was the age most people were supposed to already be dead. I don't plan to start actual SS for five years, but I am starting Medicare. It is too easy to complain about aches and pains when you get older, but really they are each another reminder to stretch, hit the gym, etc. I've got sets of motions I do multiple times during the day for my shoulders, back, etc. Things I do when I wake up, before I go to bed, etc. Currently I am most dissatisfied with the rebuilding / regrowth of my right arm / side after surgery. And I don't accept the ortho's comment that "it is always going to be like that".

Mental

The wife was out of town one night visiting a friend. I had an empty bed, an empty house, and an empty garage when I came home from the gym. It was actually pleasant.

I used the occasion to benchmark myself. Do I believe her explanation of the trip? Ie., is she instead off fucking someone? Do I care? No. Checking at a deeper level do I really not care or am I just ignoring the care under the bed? Based on how I felt coming home after my workout, I really don't care. This future or current hypothetical don't-care is different from the "practiced" don't-care I've struggled to get to about the past. That takes daily work at the mental gym.

A year ago I would have said I could never get to this don't-care state without significant alternate female physical interaction that is, I was sure I needed to be fucking other women to have an "abundance mindset". And then after that I planned to get to don't-care. I realize now that was just my ego looking to replace one set of bogus validation expectations for another. I was pretty pathetic. I used to scavenge for compliments from random women. I think in my mind I was "building dread" which was really stupid on multiple levels.

All the same, I have a substantial amount of unfinished business. I phone or text old friends but do not have any kind of regular social outing.

I say hi to women at the grocery store whose eye I can catch, but that's it. More scavenging? I want a validation-need-free don't-care-how-they-respond. That is, go ahead and try to chat with people (women) "just because", not for validation. And don't avoid talking to people pretending I'm trying to be free of a need for validation.

I only analyze all this at the end of the day. In the actual moment, I focus on just being-a-man talking-to-a-woman, practicing modeling masculine energy. On the positive side, I don't really "think" about "doing" but instead have gotten to just acting.

My work is I don't go anywhere with it - I don't expect to go anywhere with it, and wouldn't know what to do if it began to go somewhere.

Has having a nympho at home removed the incentive? Am I "waiting for covid to pass"? Or am I just a lazy chickenshit (magic 8 ball says "yes"). Deeper, do I care that I have no real sense of urgency about this? Wife keeps getting dirtier and wilder every day. I'm not complaining.

Cloudy_Pirate · 2020-10-20T19:03:25+00:00

[permanently deleted]

twat-hat32 · 2020-10-20T09:18:09+00:00

OYS 12

38, together 8, married 5, 3 yo sprog.

6'1, 96.5kg. 6RMs(kilos) - Bench 95, Squat 120, DL 140, BOR 82.5, Press 57.5.

Physical

Slow and steady wins the race. BOR, bench and press up 2.5kg for 6. Grip is starting to fail on deadlift, so doing shit like hanging from a bar to improve it.

Career

I had a second stage job interview for a management role. I was on the fence and love my current role, so they were going to have to sell it to me. The responsibility and time demand was proportionally higher than the money increase... So it would take my energy away from other things.

The interviewer turned up late so I immediately fucked it off. They seemed super keen before and after, but turning up late without a call or warning was a big no. For now, doubling down on technical skills until the right manager role comes up. Or maybe I'll get so good technically that it surpasses my earning capability as a manager via a contract/consultant role.

Marriage

I was starting to think that the way I was using MRP/OYS had made things worse, the marriage has been shitter than ever and I’m now >3 months in. I've been having much less sex and no cunt is happy in the family.

I knew I was either on the verge of a breakthrough, taking a step back from OYS, or it would continue to an exit strategy and divorce. Gladly it was a fucking breakthrough in my mentality.

Now that the Autist STFU Rambo phase seems to be over (which I am grateful for, it created a shit load of momentum), I went back to basics. Instead of Rambo/STFU/nuking everything, leaving her thinking I have no interest in her or the marriage, I have started calmly de-escalating conflict and trying to move her into positive emotions. HOA's "shitty comfort tests" seem to be my wife's arsenal. Luckily, staring through the bullshit and being present comes quite naturally to me. tWotSM has also helped with this mindset.

Been dealing with serious nagging/shitty comfort tests for days with no remorse. At this stage, she's been rejecting my sexual advances for weeks to the point that I gave up and lost attraction. I also lost my craving for sexual approval. I eventually had a "fuck it" moment and thought I'd see what I could make happen...

I took the sprog for a nap, told the mrs to pull the curtains, dim the lights and get a towel. Gave her a massage, no strings attached. Worst case I get my hands on a hot woman. I put on some music I like and went to town. Naturally, she wanted to give me one after and it got freaky. Afterwards, magically (but seems obvious now), a wife that is no longer 'exhausted' and constantly complaining... but beaming with feminine energy and an amazing wife and mother.

I started figuring what I actually want. I wanted to push the 'norm' of starfish sex with the lights off. After some decent and congruent game throughout the day, I kissed her up and then told her "I want you to crawl over to me on all fours and lick my balls." then threw my clothes at her and walked off to the other room. (I'm in pretty good shape at this point, doubt this would have worked 6 months ago at 107kg). Some resistance "I am not that submissive." I told her it was our secret. No surprise as it was smooth as fuck, she did it and sucked me off like she hasn't in years.

She tested me harder the next day, but chilling the fuck out and calmly dealing with them like waves in the ocean has worked well - and is 1000% less emotionally draining.

Summary

I am already thinking about where my gaps are, but fuck me I am glad to finally feel progress outside of the gym and my career.

Lessons learned: don't forget the basics. Don't treat my woman like I would myself or a man. Lead her emotionally. Don't be a Rambo autist STFU cunt. Don't be needy.

Most important lesson: Trust in my judgement and progress. Getting laid how I want to (for now) does not mean I can slip back into being a fat miserable cunt. This journey is for me.

AlphalfaSprout · 2020-10-20T11:35:19+00:00

OYS #18

Stats

Age 32 Ht 6’0”, Wt 176.4 (-0.8), BF 16.7% (-0.2), Wife 32 Kids 2 under 7

Reading

Finished: NMMNG, MMSLP, WISNIFG, Rational Male, Ironwood Alpha Moves, Pook, Ultimate Texting Guide for Men, Bang, MRP Wiki, Way of the Superior Man

Currently: The Enlightened Sex Manual by David Deida (17%)

Physicality and Health

Goals from last week: Lose another .5-.8 pounds. Hit the gym 3 times. Eat adequate amounts of protein. Keep snacking on weekends to a minimum.

I hit all of these goals this week. I don’t have much to own my shit about in this section this week so I’ll keep this section short. I continue to see small, steady gains in muscle mass and the general look of my body. But I continue to be skinny fat.

GOALS: Lose another .5-.8 pounds. Hit the gym 3 times. Eat adequate amounts of protein. Keep snacking on weekends to a minimum. Get past this cold without mentioned it to any living soul.

Relationship and Sex

Good week on the relationship front. It was shark week but that didn’t stop the enthusiastic blowjobs. One of them was absolutely beastly. I am realizing the power of dominance in bed. Telling exactly how to slurp and suck makes her more enthusiastic, which in turn leads to a more fun session and a better orgasm. After Saturday’s blowjob, (which she told me earlier that day she wanted to do) she gleefully tells me that I shot a ton of cum down her throat. Hadn’t heard that in a while. I took it as an opportunity to commend behavior I want to see by telling her that with blowjobs like that, she can’t expect me not to come hard and plenty. Same with sex last day of shark week. Hard cave man sex with spanking and moaning.

GOALS: Have fun, KINO, dominate in bed.

Social

Went hunting for the first time in my life. Not much action but it was great to just hang out with a buddy and watch the sunrise in the middle of the wilderness. Continued the large home project with a friend. Going along well. About 50% done.

I am getting a lot from building something in my own home. Am realizing it is part of my vision.

Mental

I hadn’t touched my MAP in about three months so I decided to dive back in to it and see where it was and what I’ve done to grow in the last nine days. The change was absolutely staggering. I barely recognize the man who categorized every red, yellow and green area of Athol Kay’s book and gave myself a 1-10 rating on every category. Three months ago I had not lifted a barbell in my life. I haven’t skipped a single week of lifting since. I updated my ratings and will be diving in this week to see where I am still lagging.

This week we had our first legitimate conversation about shared goals this year. The 1000 foot rope continues to tighten as I gave been getting myself into shape. She has already lost over 20 pounds and is looking more and more like the girl I started dating in high school. She showed me the apps she’s been using and I showed her mine. We talked about what our goals for fitness are and what we are doing get there. We also talked about what obstacles we had. I’ve been OYS’ing for weeks about eating too much when high on the weekends and she has the same issue too. We promised to keep each other in check. We also decided we are going to start doing ab workouts together twice a week. This all seems minor but it felt good. We are a great team when it comes to our mutual responsibilities but feeling that way about our interests and personal goals is a great little step forward.

GOALS: Refocus my MAP to address new weaknesses after three months of progress. Be humorously stoic.

ExtensionHelicopter · 2020-10-20T15:45:50+00:00

OYS #1

AGE: 30, Woman, 28. Together 2 years. No kids. 6' 7", 360lbs Fat as fuck boy.

LIFTS: Bench: 155 Diddly – 355 Squat – 185 cause I fucking HATE it. Press - 135

READING: Finished MMSLP, NMMNG, WISNIFG, working through TMAP

BACKGROUND: Typical bullshit. Sex started out like I was living in a daily porno shoot, then dwindled to life support status. Once or twice a month now. Did everything a Nice Guy does to try and get it back, but to no one on this sub's surprise, words don't get you more pussy, they just get you a more depressed and anxiety ridden woman. For a woman who as already like that, my fucking garbage behavior sent her over and I had to watch as I played a part in her being voluntarily committed. Then the 'Rona Reaper got its hooks into me and fucked my liver up (with the help of a lifetime of a shit diet.) I ate my fucking feelings right up to where we're at right now.

PHYSICAL: State I live in is a maximum fuck Trump state so they're keeping everything locked down for no reason. No gym. The lifts you see were the best I could do at a friend's place who lives an hour and a half away. Bought myself a 150lb competition sandbag because before my life derailed one of my goals was to compete in strongman, time to actually fucking shit in that pot instead of sitting on it. Immediate plan here is to get to a point where I can press it overhead. Going to accomplish that by learning the implement, you learn the implement by picking it up a lot. Innovative shit, I know.

Keeping an eye out for barbells and plates off of craigslist. I'll build a goddamn shed if I have to. I have a garbage 1 inch one and the shitty "plates" that go with it. It'll have to do. Counting calories and macros are easy shit I already know how to grapple with. I'll probably put myself on 2400-2600 and do a low fat split because of a dogshit gall bladder that gets angry when I go above 70g.

SOCIAL: I fucking suck here. I wrote a line here that was a fanciful lie. It was me living the fantasy of being a loner. The truth is I suck here and avoid people because I don't want to be vulnerable or be known. I fear being known instinctively because it's been used against me. Something that I'm going to work on by ingratiating myself deeper with various circles of friends I have. I've reached out to a friend regardless to come and lift with my limited implements with me because he's a flabby bastard who is terrified to lift on his own because he thinks 100lbs can snap his shit.

RELATIONSHIP: I started to implement very, very small amounts of what I've learned so far. If there's been anything I've noticed from being a lurker is that a lot of guys just pour this shit on day one and it backfires in their faces. I started to initiate more often, last week because at the peak of the shitstorm I'd initiate, she'd say no and my fucking butthurt would turn itself up to 11. "She doesn't love me, she's fucking someone else, I do all this shit." Why am I like this? I'm a scared little boy. That's the long and short of it. Haven't forgiven myself for shit that was out of my control when I was a kid, put up walls to keep people out. When I finally let a person in, covert contract holdovers from my mom were transferred onto her and bled emotions all over her. Minimize your needs. Always be available for her to vent on. Don't be a burden. Make who you are invisible. Reading NMMNG makes me embarrassed by that motherfucker and even still he's not gone. He's quieter, but until he doesn't fucking talk at all I know I'm just faking it. My initiations had me batting for .000, but I attempted so many of them that I could feel myself caring less and less about her saying no. I kept it fun, sending her pictures of product at work and claiming I was hard at work at the cum factory, things I find funny at least and at the very least had my depressed mess smiling. I don't hate the woman, I'm mad at me more than anything. Mad that I didn't jump sooner, get out ahead of this.

WORK: I'm currently putting together a plan for the cosmetics company I work for to increase our efficiency and product delivery. This is after a collaboration with our site manager on how to use our CRM tools to inform what products we make/fill so we can fill based off of volume and not schedule. My goal here is to get the company righted (it was sinking when I was brought on as the logistics and filling laboratory manager) it's no longer sinking but there's a long way to go before we can start expanding again.

GOALS: Get back the muscle I lost. Not even going to sugarcoat it, I've always been a fat fuck but I was built. Now I'm just a bag. Continue to initiate so that the fucker in my head who thinks I'm owed shit for being alive gets quieter.

Keep being fun, for me because shit is more awesome when I'm fun.

Focus inwardly on letting my childhood go. It happened, I need to get over it by now. Read, and apply things slowly.

MISSION: I read a post by /u/blarg_risen, I believe. That said something to the effect of your mission is what you'd do if you weren't beholden to anyone or anything and could do anything, you were the only person on the planet. I'll be honest I'd probably just tell stories. That's what I really want to do. I want to tell stories, be a writer. Transport people to other worlds with words. It's what I'm good at actually. I'm going to write a short vignette for Halloween and work with an artist buddy, make a proper blog about it to kick this off.

Boner-McHardon · 2020-10-20T17:58:58+00:00

OYS #1

Age: 36, wife 34, married for 5, together for 7. 5’8” 175 lbs. with a goal of 165 lbs.

Readings: NMMNG, TMAP, currently on WISNIFG and Rational Male.

Lifts: haven’t maxed anything recently, but BP 250, BS 320, DL 390 are safe guesses. Goal is to lift 3/week as a real priority.

Goals: stop seeking validation, be more assertive, be more decisive, and prioritize myself (gym).

Physical: Lose 10 lbs. and start removing the things like alcohol and thc from my routines. I use weed to avoid issues instead of handling them, this is not the way. I have started dressing nicer for work, dates, the grocery store, etc.

Career: Finish my degree by the end of the year, which is on schedule. Work WISNIFG into my role as a supervisor at my job. Increase effort on my side hustle.

Mental: Implementing the NMMNG breaking free activities, I’m in #14 now. Overall giving less of a shit about the emotions of others, as a goal. Start passing shit tests like being asked to go places I absolutely do not. I typically cave in to find the short term peace, but now I know it is at a long term price.

Social: Get out and do something alone or with male friends once a week. A friend invited me to a local men’s group, I am going to attend and see what it’s about in a couple weeks.

Marriage: Be more assertive with decision making and start knocking out those lingering items on the home repair list around the house. This will make me feel better and let her know that I am responsible. I have been steadfast in putting myself first and going to the gym when I want to, this wasn’t the case before. I would make sure I went early or just skipped it if I couldn’t, just to be home with the wife. Looking back I feel ridiculous for a lot of my behaviors. I feel so much less resentment with this knowledge.

We only had sex 3-4 times in the year previous to discovering MRP, which was only 2 weeks ago. Since then we have had sex a couple times and the quality was way better too. I will initiate more moving forward and spend my energy elsewhere if I am turned down.

Finances: We are doing well enough, nothing crazy but zero debt aside from a 15 year mortgage. We do not budget because we have little overhead costs. I am wondering if this is a missed opportunity. An opportunity to lead and to be wiser with our choices. Do a lot of MRP guys lead a budget?

I am still in shock from the paradigm shift that is red pill. The instinctive response is to consume as much as I can, as fast as I can. I know that these changes will take time and strategy to implement, but feel very empowered by it.

This is my first ever, so hopefully the formatting fits.

RedBackedBadger · 2020-10-20T08:14:41+00:00

OYS 43: Mid 30’s, 6’ 190lb, BF 12%, Separated, one kid 3yrs (f). OHP 138*9, Bench 170*12, DL 230*3.

Week Goals

meditation session 20min – 4/2
10 min meditation – 3/4
mobility – 90% intended sessions
pomodoros 24/20
project focus 5/5
No porn – 8/12.

Reading: MMSLP, MAP, Side Bar, Unchained male, models, The Eagle and the Dragon, WOTSM, WISNIFG, The dating playbook for men, The subtle art of not giving a fuck, The Rational Male, Awareness, Pook, NMMNG(x2), sex god method, no more bad kids, Practical female psychology, Meditation Book, The Way of the Superior Man (reading) Mans search for meaning (reading)

Physical: Be strong, fit, powerful and injury free into old age.

weights – three
cardio - three
Lots of walking

Relationship

I’m moving away from even considering shit tests, the standard ones don’t even register anymore and if she does something that is just her ego then I ask ‘is that what you want from your relationship?’ Either she sees through her ego or she turns it into a shit test and I have fun with it.

Separation

I have let go of most of my expectations here. I’m sure there will be bits and pieces here and there but it’s effectively gone and that makes the whole thing much easier. There area I still have expectations is around our daughter - she involves our daughter in our shit and plays into any negative feelings towards me e.g. if daughter doesn’t want to come over to mine for some reason, instead of just not worrying about it and 2 min later daughter is happy, she really plays into it, sets her up with the TV and a ‘treat’ and engages her in not wanting to come over. She is deliberately building that emotion which is a shitty thing to do and pisses me off. My response is to be an awesome dad. I use that anger to lift my game and focus better on who I want to be as a father.

She has realized how much value she lost from her life when we separated and I think she is struggling with it.

Life

I have been looking at a few different areas of my life and looking for one thing I can do to lift my game. It started with hobbies then I expanded.

Father – I tell my daughter stories at night with her as the main character. I started a book where I jot down ideas and include little problems for her to solve to get through the story. Recently I drew up a puzzle she had to solve to open a door in the temple we were in.

Cooking - I like cooking and it contributes towards my goals but I had stagnated. One thing I can do it just keep a list of things I want to try, this of course evolved into watching a few cooking shows with girlfriend, going to markets to get ingredients for new recipes and cumming on her face. Chicks love markets.

Weights – added 1-2 power workouts a week. Slow down warmup reps and really pay attention to form.

Sex – GF is down for porn, I googled good movies to watch together and have a few ready for us. During sex I’m focusing more and more on just being in the moment and doing what I want, I think about 95% of what I do is just what I want in the moment and the sex is better as a result…probably better for her too.

Meditation – swapped one of my 10min session to a 20min session. Had the experience I mention below during this additional session.

Mental/Mindset: Express myself authentically – be fully ‘me’

While meditating, I became the place within which all thoughts and sensations arise. It’s not that they weren’t happening, I was just bigger than all that, I was the consciousness within which they happened. I felt a lightness and joy and then infinite expansiveness where I was not separate from anything. Interestingly as it ‘hit’ I felt a moment of fear as I remembered a bad DMT trip I had. I am writing this two days later and I still have a sense of ‘space’ and calm.

I have less of a ‘need’ to tell people things. I still want to share some things with some people but I don’t feel like I need to run and tell anybody with something happens.

I am much more settled into myself, who I am, what I want and seeing the world from that perspective. One of the areas this is most evident is actually here. I look to MRP less for what I should be doing/thinking and look more to myself. I still put things out and am grateful for the feedback but this feedback only helps me understand another perspective which I may or may not take on board, as it should be.

Shoulds – The dysfunctional should are dropping away. Still there are some about what I ‘should be doing’ but this is mostly around knowing I am not living on my edge and having a drive to actually do this. I see this as healthy.

Fear – fear has been a big barrier for me, I pull back when I get close to my edge. I have been practicing stepping into this more. I have a plan for my career that has three main components, one of them is consulting external to my current work place. I was scared of doing this and failing, however I got my workplace to agree to it and when the first job came through I was not 100% confidence and could easily have pulled back but I pushed into the fear. I will really keep a focus on pushing into this fear and living on my edge through this process or I will forever be some play it safe worker drone and it’s just not what I want for myself, not the worker drone bit (although I don’t that) but really I don’t want to be a person who KNOWS they are living less than their potential because of fear.

Two fears I have share a root cause, I am scared of my masculine power, of having needs, and winning, I hid it so as not to offend anybody and be a Nice Guy. Also, I’m scared of not being powerful enough, of not being able to control things. Both of these stem from a fear of experiencing emotions.

What Next:

While reading Mans Search for Meaning it struck me that meaning is not binary. I have been looking for some all-encompassing meaning that drives everything I do (something around changing the course of humanity). Without that, I felt I had no purpose. But, that is only one kind and I have lots of meaning in my life, I find meaning in my daughter and being a good dad, I find meaning in being the person I want to be in life/living in accordance with my values, I find meaning in being in nature, in letting go of my ego and accepting my place in all things. I find some meaning at work but not enough and I have a plan for improving that. So rather than focusing on what I lack, I am focusing on what I have and then building that towards my vision. Thanks u/Blarg_Risen, I have read the book before but it is hitting home more this time. Also, I realized how much of my looking for purpose was actually ego, I wanted to ‘help the world/people’, not because they needed help but because I needed to help…I wanted to ‘matter’. Nice Guy.

2wo2wo3hree · 2020-10-20T09:34:51+00:00

OYS 17

Books: Sidebar, NMMNG, MMSLP, WISNIFG, TWOTSM, MAP, POOK, TRM, 48 Laws of Power, Can’t Hurt Me, The science of trust.

Currently reading: Rich Dad, Poor Dad

SUMMARY

Steadily getting better, but the progress is much slower.

STATS/LIFTS

36yo, 6’3, 203lbs, 14% body fat.

Squat: 225 5x8

Bench: 225 5x7

OHP: 145 3x8

DL: 315 5x5

Bent-Row: 225 5x5

I’ve been averaging about 90 minutes lifting as frequently as 5 to 6 times a week. I don’t plan on making any changes other than cutting my lifting minutes/volume because I might be over training and compensating my immune system. I’ve been catching these bitch colds lately. I’m going to be paying more attention to it. I am still fasting for 16 hours, and still on a caloric deficit. I’m determined to see myself on a lean 200lbs. I’ve also been targeting my upper inner pectoral. It makes V-Neck shirts pop.

Relationship: I’ve been married for 5 years. I have a 4 year old kid in my marriage.

MENTAL:

As I shopped for my next audiobook which was going to be “unchained man” I suddenly got pulled into a vision by looking within and analyzing my weaknesses. I identified my lack of knowledge when it comes to personal finance. I need to square myself away in terms of financial intelligence. Bonds, Stocks, investments, etc. Money that have the potential to grow. Just as a start up, I got “Rich Dad, Poor Dad” I don’t think this book will give me the actual tools but I think this should get my mindset right before I jump deeper into essential information to put things in motion.

Lastly, I noticed a mental trend among men here. Inevitably, men who are getting better start to look at life and begin to ask questions about what life really is. “Now what? Where will it take me? What does life have to offer?” I started talking to life like it’s a tangible being. What I realized is that life as I see it is just my reflection, similar to a mirror. Looking to life for change, or direction is no more than looking at the mirror to make it change the reflection I see. Life is the reflection of my actions or lack thereof. I control what life is and my direction, not the other way around. Asking life for anything is the biggest fucking excuse I’ve told myself in my entire adult life.

MARRIAGE/SEX/FRAME

It’s been positively interesting and peachy. Just playing with my wife’s submission. I heard and witnessed the craziest verbal surrender and loss of inhibition in between moans. “Hurt me, Daddy. You can kill me if you want to, but please keep fucking me.” What in the psychotic fuck?! I know! Of course I didn’t kill her but I took note. I need to internalize that this is a different ball game. “Likes” “Wants” and “Needs” are a little different.

Internal work on my end, which had nothing to do with relationships but had everything to do with me being individually resourceful, individually capable, independent, decisive and self-assured are what got me in this position. It’s been quite amusing and I tend to keep pushing her deeper.

Over the weekend , as I was woken up by my wife to serve my coffee. I hear “Good morning. What do you desired to do today?” I said the gym, arrange the garage, do some minor repairs around the house and some other activities for the family. I was then asked “Is there anything I can do for you today? Anything at all?” I jokingly said “I could use your mouth on my dick. All day long.” My statement made her face light up, propped up in excitement as she set several alarms every hour on the hour to come to me and ask to suck my dick.

Unfortunately, this is is shifting my mental model. Im not finding “as much” satisfaction over this level of obedience. I want more but I will not act on it just yet. I truly haven’t had the chance to just relax into my position and enjoy it. I keep looking forward and beyond.

SOCIAL:

I was deep in tasks this weekend. No social activities but I was still very busy and mostly unavailable.

FINANCES:

All good. The budget I constructed for the family is being followed. Extra expenses are being ran through me. As reasonable as I can, I use my judgement on when to give permission or deny the request. It’s all about building good spending habits at this point.

jaackknives · 2020-10-20T20:33:25+00:00

OYS # 21

34 yo, 6’1”, 182 lbs. Married 10 years, together 15 years. 1 kid (5). 13% B.F (Navy method). Squat 235x5 (+5), Bench 185x4, Deadlift 320x5, OHP 130x4, PClean 165X3 (+5).

I estimated my BF% using a few different methods and got widely different results:

- Navy method: 13%

- Jackson / Pollack calipers method: 9%

- Durin / Womersly calipers method: 16%

Reading

Completed WISNIFG, NMMNG x2, MMSL x2, SGM, TRM, MAP, Pook, Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, TWOTSM, Bigger Leaner Stronger, 48 LOP, Models, Saving a Low Sex Marriage.

Audiobooks: NMMNG, TWOTSM x2. Currently listening to Day Bang.

Lifting/Exercise

I haven’t missed a day of lifting (3 days/week) since I was on vacation in mid July. Bigger Leaner Stronger recommends deloading or taking a week off every 10 weeks or so. I will be away for a few days next week, so I could use the opportunity to take next week off. Otherwise there are gyms I can travel to and use. Haven’t decided yet on what I will do.

Mental

After HOA’s challenge to me last week, I did go and initiate a BJ hard with my wife. Got rejected. I felt the validation feelz afterwards though. This one was built up and I just got hit hard with a wave. I didn’t fight it this time, just let it wash over me. And in that moment I felt all of that validation, all of my self-worth tied up in her sexual denial, and it felt so pathetic.

I’ve been feeling so much desire for my wife lately. Beyond anything that I can remember in years. A part of this is her continued weight loss. We started getting physical again after 3 weeks of no activity, and I was noticing all of these positive changes. But perhaps more importantly, I’ve noticed her in a much more feminine form lately. I’ve seen it in her dress, her speech, and her emotions, and my desire has grown from this increase in polarity. I got an erection from the mere act of her showing off her new eye shadow makeup and seeking attention and validation for it. I’ve been able to feed off of this energy and it’s kept me in a positive mood. I’ve let this desire be known through my words and my actions, and used it during my initiations and during sex. It felt like I was actually initiating and having sex for the right reasons, instead of just trying to get my dick wet.

Sex

Had a shipment of new sex toys arrive this week, so I thought I’d fuck with her mind a bit. Told her it was full of sex toys, but not to open it. Just let is sit there half the week. I was constantly asked about it but I didn’t budge. Then some shit tests started. Once I was told in a teasing manner that I couldn’t eat her supper if I didn’t open it. I did eat her supper and it was delicious.

The weekend came, so I moved the box into the bedroom to raise the tension. The questions only escalated. “It’s not anything weird, is it?” I pressure flipped that question, just left if hanging there. Finally opened the box at night. Had gotten a magic wand vibrator (which was a bit too intense) and some light bondage stuff. The light bondage is new to us, so I was pushing our boundaries a bit there.

Family / Home

My leadership has been improving around the home lately, and I’ve been sensing a bit more respect from my wife. For example, I got an unexpected response one day. Wife had a minor outburst at our son about him getting dressed one morning while he was goofing off. I could see she was frustrated, so I decided to take this opportunity to calm her down, reign in her emotions. I embraced her and kissed her and received a surprisingly passionate kiss in return. When I pulled away, I received an apology for the outburst, which I was surprised about.

Social

I got out and volunteered at another racing event over the weekend. I enjoy helping out the local organization that puts on the events, and it gives me a chance to socialize and meet new people in an active community.

I had expressed interest with the executive director a couple of weeks ago on getting involved beyond just basic volunteering. Had some follow-up conversations about this as well. Sounds like they may be interested in having me serve on the board - they want a more physically active, youthful presence. The thought gives me some anxiety, but I’ll continue pushing through it. We’ll see where it goes.

interwebztufguy · 2020-10-20T20:34:35+00:00

OYS #2

It’s been a couple of weeks, life got in the way of posting on the internet. I also felt the need to step back and figure some shit out.

My first OYS was super vague, generic, and in hindsight devoid of anything of substance.

I was posed with the question of “what do you want?”

I want financial stability, to be a man who smashes on the regular, and to be happy with the face I see in the mirror.

I’m 2 weeks into a new job that I am really into. I see a lot of potential for upward movement if I bust my ass. After 6 months of covid related unemployment, this has been huge for me.

So far I’ve been good at passing shit tests. I’ve had moments where I responded with anger (sometimes it’s like a flinch or sneeze, reflexive) however the instances where this happens are becoming fewer. I always took shit tests to heart, threw up rage to protect my ego.

I’ve also stopped being indecisive. I’ve nearl eliminated “I don’t know” and “what do you want for dinner?” from my vocabulary. When I asked, I pick something, and lo and behold, when I get home from the gym/driving kids to sports, it’s there waiting…..

My biggest challenge has been sex hangups.

Drip-fed, weak initiations, validation-seekinig, neediness, butt-hurt to rejection, covert contracts, choreplay, fapping, starfish, blah blah blah. I blamed her, got guilt trips about pressuring her, I’ve rotated through being cold and distant, gaming hard, trying to find a middle ground.

I initiated one day while the kids were gone, but due home soon (about 20 minutes later). Got rejected and said ok, well I’m going to the gym. Kiss on forehead, slap on the ass, and out the door.

But I still hold onto a helluva lot of resentment when we go multiple days sometimes weeks without fucking. But I know if I am direct about what I want, I usually get it, but I get in my own head, feel entitled, butthurt, afraid of judgement, etc.

On the plus side, I feel as though some of my anger is beginning to ebb. I feel myself moving more into an authentic OI/ DNGAF state of mind. Some things clicked for me recently while listening to the OYS livestream last week. During the day and in my normal interactions with my wife I am making good progress. But I know the neediness/validation seeking/ covert contract bullshit is still seeping out of my pores and is probably repulsive.

This week, I will initiate harder and tell her what I want. Also, stop putting pussy on a pedestal. I know on my head, it shouldn't be that important, but its like money, when you don't have enough, it's all you think about.

On other fronts, gym is solid. I had one week where I could only make it a couple of times due to new job and I hurt myself wrestling. Had to relax on some things, but was able to push others. Some high points for me over the last 2 weeks: Bench 240X4, 185X15, Squat 345X2, 240X12, Deadlift 385X1, 250X15, Weighted Dips w/90 X 5, 55X10.

I look great, I am making progress, and that shit is on point. My kids are awesome and I have no issues with them.

I am also stepping up in other areas in the household where me being drunk captain defaulted responsibility to my wife. I know she has been yearning for me to step up and take charge.

Finally, the other day, my wife and I were talking and her goal of losing a few pounds was brought up (she’s petite, but starting to get soft and if not careful could get pretty dumpy). Blah blah blah, we were talking about intermittent fasting and I gave her some tips. As I was leaving, she goes, “You forgot to say ‘but you’re not fat’” I almost shit, because I hate when that comes up. But in the space of a breath I realized what this was. So with a smirk I said, “if you were fat, I wouldn’t be able to throw you over my shoulder, carry you upstairs, and throw you on the bed” to which she replied “you can’t do that, you’ll break your knees!”

So I threw her ass over my shoulder, carried her upstairs, and tossed her on the bed all the while she was giggling and squealing. It was a fun moment.

Long story short, i now have 3 herniated discs…..jk

Substantial_Rust · 2020-10-23T03:54:25+00:00

OYS 12

Stats: early 30s, 6'6", 225 lb, 12% bf (navy method), 34" waist:49.5" shoulders (1.456 ratio)

Married for 1, together for 7, no kids

Goals from last week:

Chapter 5 of TRM - done, reading between lifting sets works wonders
Do one lesson of data science every day - 4/7
Sign up and start class on Monday - done

Current Tier 1 lifts (KB Modified Bodyweight GZCLP VDIP):

double kettlebell front squat = 71+71 lb x 6 reps (volume+)
double kb press = 62+62 lb x 6 (volume+)
Weighted Ring dips = 18 lb x 6 reps (volume+)
double kb deadlift = 106+106 lb x 6 reps (volume+)

Feedback from last week:

I appreciate the feedback I received last week. I was brought to my attention that I need to address my emotions. Reading through Strategos_Autokrator's "Elements of frame" really made it clear. If Frame is a tripod, I was definitely not supporting the emotional leg. I spent a lot of time journaling; I read somewhere that doing so first thing in the morning is best as that's when the ego is supposedly the weakest. I also meditated 5 times, using Headspace and ten minute sessions. I discovered I was in a negative loop: I would set really high expectations, fail to meet them, get angry at the time I wasted, which would cause me to lose motivation and further distract myself, bringing more anger, etc. Realizing that no one gives a shit, and I am the judge of myself, and that it's ultimately my decision, I decided to break out of the loop by just relaxing my high expectations and forgiving myself for fucking up. The anger was not productive or motivating like it might have been in the past. As a result, I had a much less stressful week, and actually got some stuff done and enjoyed the work. I'm still building habits and systems (another good point from W&S OYS Review, something I knew but forgot) but I've taken steps in the right direction. I need to abandon the "all or nothing" approach--progress is somewhere in the middle, by building on successes and learning from failures.

After reviewing BarracudaRP's "Primer on Power" again, I noticed I have been slipping with STFU, specifically by oversharing (for validation). I've been repeating "acta non verba" to myself like a mantra, not only do I need to not speak about it with others, but I need to prove it to myself by doing and taking action.

Goals for next week:

Morning Pages - journal first thing every day
Data Science online lessons 5 times
TRM chapter 6

Stallion--Duck · 2020-10-20T10:17:39+00:00

** Age 29** Ht 5'10 Wt 195 bf 17% (goal 170 and 8%)

Bench 205 x9 Deadlift 225x5

I know what I need to do, I fucked off with diet all this year. Discipline. I'm not super fat, I've got some decent muscle mass accompanied with a bit of a gut that has to go. I gained 10 lbs in quarantine and have lost 10 lbs since August.

Financial This truly is my weakest area. Dave Ramsey would fall dead if he stalked me on the weekends. I get all my expenses paid then typically get reckless on the weekends when I'm out drinking with friends or eating out too much. I don't spend more than I make, but I barely slide into homebase in time for the next paycheck. I refinanced my house and lowered the monthly mortgage pretty decently. Well on my way to having my car paid off. The wife and I will get on these kicks where we'll be minimalistic with spending and very frugal then after a while the discipline fades. Wife usually handles the bills from her phone that aren't automatic. I work more than her, she works from home part time and also keeps the kids so it's kinda just easier for her to pay it all.

Relationship/Family

I've got to be honest here, desire from my wife has gone down to a drip again ever since my daughter was born three months ago. Before that it was pretty steady. Back in the beginning of the year, it was two or three times a day, tapered a bit then Sahara dry after the baby. I now know that female desire is responsive and I feel like it's me in some area. In some area I am being unattractive. Lacking. It's not so much a validation thing for me anymore, I have a few soft plates that would be DTF. Do I want to cross that line? Not really. It's not that severe yet. I'd just rather fuck my wife. Sex happens maybe once every other week right now. I'm still present, no rambo, in the gym almost daily now and just focusing on reaching my bodyfat goal. I'm under no illusion that there is a prize from her at the end of that tunnel. I just want to be fit, happy and healthy.

ChiefGuitar · 2020-10-20T10:34:49+00:00

OYS #3

Age: 36

H/W 5’7 165

Body Fat: 19%-21% (Navy Method)

Married 11 years; 2 kids (7 year old son; 2 year old daughter)

Have Read: NMMNG; MMSLP; Rational Male; Sixteen Commandments; Book of Pook; “I Get It! No, you really don’t.”’ WOTSM (partial); WISNIFG; various top posts

Have understood: A tiny bit

Reading: NMMNG

Lifts:

Bench: 230 (Calculated max using Wendler formula)
Squat: 135
Deadlift: 300 (Calculated max using Wendler formula)
OHP: 135 (Performed last week for 1 rep)

Mission

Be honest about myself
Kill the ego
Start from the basics

My last OYS post received multiple comments that identified two things: 1) that I was whining more than I was planning, working, and achieving; 2) that I lack a mission that “does the work.” The comments also identified that I lack frame, exhibit weak leadership, and struggle with indecisiveness.

All of which are accurate.

I have a massive ego. If you ever watched Seinfeld, you may have seen the episode where Jerry believes he’s better than everyone else. Better looking, smarter, higher potential, more social. I am close to that level of ego. I’ve cultivated a bloated sense of self-worth by not being honest about myself. Not so much that I literally feel better than others but that I don’t see the reality of who I am. Not my physique, my fitness, my social skills, my leadership. Such dishonesty with myself has prevented me from admitting faults, focusing on weaknesses, and living an authentic life.

My ego has restricted my potential because it jumps past the basics of MRP and starts expecting results that are seen in advanced stages of growth.

In order to fix these problems, I am focusing on three areas:

Physical fitness and health Style Quality time for myself

Physical Fitness and Health

Lifting

I put together a workout program using Jim Wendler’s 5/3/1 Forever. This week I lifted three days and performed homework sets of push ups and chins 3 other days utilizing free time at work to get in a few sets. It feels like I got stronger and I’m energized to continue on the program.

Running

Using low heart rate training with running has been frustrating because my pace is slow. Maybe that’s good for me right now to keep my ego in check. It’s a good reminder of how far back I am and how much work is needed to catch up. While the paces were slow, I did get in 3 more miles this week than last week. Despite running my longest run Saturday and hitting the weights on Sunday, I had plenty of energy to get in a few miles Monday morning. My training schedule has me getting 3 more miles this week than last, so the mileage is growing.

Mobility

I did some pretesting via Squat University to determine my mobility needs. I have extremely immobile ankles and tight hips. My ankles are so rigid that I could barely do the diagnosis exercise. I ordered a band to use for ankle mobility exercises. It’s scheduled to come in today. I also performed hip flexor stretches that work on anterior pelvic tilt.

Diet

I increased my protein intake this past week from ~90 grams a day to ~130 grams a day. I also limited refined carbs and cut out all dessert. I want low body fat. I used the Navy Method to determine my body fat, and I think the reading of 19% was too low. I read that Navy Method can have a margin of error around 4%, and I really think I’m over 20%. Doesn’t really matter though as it’s the mirror that tells the true tale.

Style

I haven’t purchased a nice outfit for myself since I can remember. The majority of my clothes are given to me on my birthday and Christmas from my mother-in-law. She’s doesn’t have poor taste, but I’m no where near fashionable. I’m purchasing one full outfit for me each month. I don’t have a huge budget for clothes, so I’m searching through Amazon’s brands currently while reading about style for my age and body type.

One of the main reasons why I haven’t bought clothes for myself is because I always say, “I can’t buy nice outfits until I lose weight, body fat, blah blah.” No more dishonesty and no more waiting.

Quality Time for Myself

Key word here is quality.

Let’s be honest for a second about a major issue I have allowed to dominate my life: I have been on my phone literally all day long.

I recognized this for the problem that it is after watching this YouTube video on dopamine detox a few days ago. I believe my addiction to small dopamine hits has hindered my quality of sleep in major ways, and I’m already seeing improvements in this area.

But after watching the video, I decided to track how many hours a day I was spending looking at my phone for Reddit, social media, Tik Tok, message boards, and I couldn’t. I couldn’t track the time.

I was looking at my phone when I first woke up in the morning, in between sets of workouts, while sitting at red lights, while students were doing work in my classroom, on my lunch break, when I got home, while cooking dinner, while letting my kids play in the bathtub, while “relaxing” on the couch, while watching a TV show, while watching a sports game, and when going to bed. Literally all day.

So this has to be fixed. To do so, I am keeping my phone put away in places that are hard to reach. I’m short and my wife is 5’10, so I could just put her charge of those hard to reach places (joking of course). But I put my phone in my closet when I get home unless I need it to make a call or text. It’s in my lockable filing cabinet at work. And I put it in the glove box when I’m in the car.

I started that on Friday, and I slept well all weekend and found myself accomplishing more throughout the day with better focus and sustained energy Saturday, Sunday, and Monday.

Marriage

Our sex life has been really dead the past month. This is on me. Have I gamed my wife? Practiced kino? Made the bedroom fun? Made anything in our relationship fun?

Have I acted grumpy, butt hurt, annoyed? Do I STFU or am I really just acting like a passive aggressive bitch when I’m not getting my way?

My behavior has cultivated a dead sex life not only with my wife, and it would be the same with any woman. If I left tomorrow as a single man, I would not get laid and probably would not get laid for a long time.

Something that I noticed this past week is that I don’t get shit tests. Not like many guys post about. In fact, I’d say my wife would be fine ignoring me unless she needs to tell me about her day or something that happened at work. I practiced STFU this past week and tried to get away from the family to do house projects, work out, or engage in my hobbies. There wasn’t a response from the wife. She was just cool with it.

There’s very little passion, fun, and sensuality in our relationship. No tension. I never “poke the bear.” There’s no fight involved.

Reading I’m rereading NMMNG this week because I am dishonest, secretive, compartmentalized, manipulative, controlling, passive-aggressive, addictive, isolated, and a pacifist. I haven’t read the book since before I found MRP (January 2019), but it’s definitely needed. I’ve changed nothing about my nice guy behavior. My half-assed effort with MRP has turned me into some kind of hybrid rambo-douche nice guy who thinks working out and slapping my wife’s ass is all I needed to live a free and authentic life.

This Week

Goal this week is to continue with my MRP basics: lift, diet, style, and STFU. Restrict myself from thinking ahead too much for now. I know many guys picture the man they want to be, but I don’t think I can do that yet until I find my footing on the path.

GetOffMyLawn74 · 2020-10-20T11:41:49+00:00

OYS # 1

46 M, Wife (SAHM) – 38 – Married 9 – together 12 – Kids 2 M (7) and M (5); I have daughter 20 from XW. Been lurking and dipping my toes into MRP since November 2019 with lifting, STFU, and sidebar. Started seeing some changes in frame, then I let COVID and an injury impact my commitment.

Background: Was married for 4 years from age 26 – 30. Total Beta. Divorced – Chad moved in a week after I moved out. Was too weak to investigate or pursue her cheating and instead opted to “do the right thing” and pay alimony and child support. Ended up paying for additional shit – private school, camps, etc. Bailed the XW out by getting the kid on call and answering to her needs. Set myself back financially for about a decade at best. Only every other weekend custody, but “did the right thing” and broke myself and sacrificed myself for the benefit of my daughter while XW partied and fucked around for 8 years.

First read NMMNG in about 2009. Read some other red pill dating books (the Game and others). Went Red Pill and found my current wife. Slowly fell back into BP life. Marriage not on the rocks – have not heard ILYBINILWY or anything close to that. Just living completely in her frame including rampant disrespect, fear of upsetting her and having her “go off” on me, etc. She has a robust social life mostly centered around tennis. Starfish sex 2-3 times a month and like she was doing me a favor. She has actually said she doesn’t care if i watch porn because that way I’m less likely to cheat - and the implication is she doesn’t have to have sex with me. I’m addicted to porn. Tried to kick it a number of times. Give in usually after a couple weeks. Currently at one week with no porn and no jerking off. Feel liberated, but I’ve been here before.

She does whatever she wants socially and I make sure I am there to take care of the kids and I get shit any time I want to do something socially – got shit for working too because that was allegedly way easier than staying home with the kids. Also, despite making very good money, was accumulating a ton of bad debt – she kept spending despite me asking her to stop. Way, way out of balance. She is HB-8 and I had gradually fallen from a 7 to a 5. But I was and am a “workhorse” provider. Looked around in fall of 2019 and realized I was working for everyone else except me – said to myself “this plow horse is going on strike.” Found MRP by googling “wife won’t have sex with me.” Started the “program,” but have not posted OYS until now.

Physical: 5-9, 200 lbs (down from 212 since July 2020); 27% BF (Navy method – what a fat f*ck); All lifts SL 5X5 – SQ – 230; DL – 245; BP – 215; BOR – 180; OHP – 115. These lifts are from March – I tore my pec benching and had surgery 3/17/20 started SL 5X5 in November 2019 and had made good progress. But used the injury as an excuse to stop lifting at all, but started walking and then doing cardio during recovery. Now have tennis elbow – doing a lot of cardio and core work. As of July 2020 went keto. Stalled about 3 weeks ago so now I’m re-focusing and getting my macros down. This week really focused on caloric deficit and not stuffing my fat face. Since I can’t lift much right now I’m cutting. Just set up my TDEE / macros and am tracking on fitness pal. Trying to do what i can with a recovering pec and now tennis elbow. (Got it from golf - I do not play tennis).

Reading: NMMNG X2; WISNIFG X2; MMSLP; TRM X2; MAP; Pook. Sidebar X 2. Currently reading MAP again and SALSM.

Mission: Get back my frame and bring the entire family into it. Captain the ship with confidence and abundance mentality. Be the best male role model for my 2 boys. Establish Captain and First Mate relationship dynamic.

Career: In probably the best place I have been doing work I like and making money at it. Need to work on balance, which has been easier without travel. Pre-COVID I was on the road about 60% of the time. I want to avoid going back to that. Trying to delegate the grunt work and focus on rain-making.

Family: I have no balls at home at all. Wife shit tests constantly and I fail. Really struggling at telling the difference between shit tests and comfort tests and responding accordingly. Younger son is challenging and wife’s solution is to yell at him. I’m terrified he is going to learn to take that kind of stuff from women by seeing me take it and that being the mode of behavior control in my house. Recently read “Wild Things” – a great book on raising boys and have been applying some of the concepts appropriate to his age. Need to re-visit and get the wife on board and stop using her damaging parenting techniques. Have been just trying to lead by example here since any suggestions are met with some form of “you are an idiot and I am a great parent. How dare you criticize me.”

Finances: Making really good progress here. Put her on a budget about 3 months ago and laid out a plan for debt elimination. She has an account that I put money in every 2 weeks and no access to any other accounts or credit cards. She has to make the house and whatever she needs or wants. I’ve set up the surplus to pay off debt. Credit cards and 2 personal loans paid off. Paying off car is next. Am also accumulating some liquid savings. Feeling good about this. I’ve made way too much money in my career to be in my current situation. I need to find a side hustle to make some passive income.

Relationship: Been doing better with STFU and handling shit tests with A&A or sometimes I will just smirk at her when I know she is shit testing. Was leaving on a golf trip last week and she did her typical thing before I do something fun and tried to act like and say I should be kissing her ass and doing all of the housework for the days leading up to it. I ignored it and focused on getting my work done, things delegated, etc. so I could enjoy the trip. She tried the same thing when I returned, but it was more subdued. She still plays tennis a few nights a week and I stay with the kids. I hate this and feel like she should be doing this during the day when the kids are at school. But I also recognize that I may hate it because I don’t have anything to do myself.

It is so frustrating to be so into her frame that the first thought in my head before doing or saying anything is how she is going to react. Its exhausting. Total oneitiis mindset. I think this just comes from years of programming about being the “good guy” provider. I think before I can get her in my frame i need to get myself in my own frame in my own head. Funny thing is she accuses me of being selfish, etc. any time i don’t do what she wants. Executed with perfect technique and I’m like a moth to the flame - guilt, etc. Need to start meditating perhaps to get out of my own head.

Social: Golf trip was good, but I don’t have anything to do regularly outside of the house during the week, especially at night. No female friends at all. I am planning a trip to the gun store with a neighbor and am going to propose we go to the shooting range on the reg after I get a new handgun.

Goals for the week are to continue to STFU and handle shit tests; get back into the gym (even if I have to “take it easy”); re-focus on my work and delegation – re-connect with client contacts and prospects that have faded during COVID. I need to find ways to get out of the house that are not work-related. No porn and no jerking off.

So, there it is. I am focussed and committed to doing this.

HornsOfApathy · 2020-10-20T15:37:35+00:00

[permanently deleted]

dust2dust45 · 2020-10-20T17:25:34+00:00

OYS #6 35, 8yrs married. 3kids under 6, weight 171 (-1), 6ft, bf% ~16. All 5x5: bench: 155, squat: 205, dead: 225, ohp: 105.

After 2 years here, little changes have added up and I still need to do the work. I need to believe in myself, that things will be ok, and to have faith. What’s important: Family, health/body, friends, giving back. Attraction and leadership.

Top problem of the week:
Strong butthurt feelings about her not spending time with me/no kino from her. I take words/rejections too personally ->butthurt->victim->lack of confidence/gratitude/attractive. Need to fix this, appreciate advice.

Physical: Goals: 185 bench, 2xBW dead, 2xBW sqt. 180lbs, not keeping up with the calorie needs to get there, but I continue to try and track..

Relationship Goal: Eliminate sex validation. Sub goal: remove attention by getting outside house.

Sub goal: Eliminate sex as the prize for my hard work mentality. I think I’m close to killing this idea, as I’m focused on improving attraction, and sex is the result of attraction. My work and actions can increase this and I can try new things and observe the result.

Wife gave me a kiss to wake me up and said she wanted to bang that evening, which was her first initiation in about a year. I used to be butthurt and wanted her to do it more, but have totally dropped that expectation for a year and was pleased and surprised but no big ego impact. I think when I walked away from sex last week has some correlation to this. That night was super good, she was louder, I told her specific things were feeling good. So fleeting. I’m grateful it’s so good still after all these years.

Mindset issues: Validation, victim, lazy, fun

Validation: feeling a lot better here as my fantasizing/anticipation/thirst for sex is nearly 0.

Victim: recognizing victim thoughts / feelings and rejecting them. Butthurt is way reduced and 2wks ago I haven’t felt one bit. Butthurt did return last week, but I’ve prioritized controlling it and did ok, especially at not showing it or rejecting her good behaviors. I’m such a bitch feeling like I need to retaliate and “show her” what she’s missing out on. Thinking about how when my kids let me down I don’t have any butthurt and all trying to model that with wife.

Lazy: pretty fucking lazy because my life is so comfortable. Fun: not fun enough, need more social opps.

bat_out_of_hell_ · 2020-10-20T18:22:06+00:00

OYS 5

36 Y/O, 6’1”, 176lb, ~16% BF, Married 1.5, Together 3, Kids, 8 & 10 (step), 10mo and one on the way.

Reading: WISNIFG 75%. Completed: WISNIFG, NMMNG, MAP, Rational Male, TWOTSM.

Lifts: Gym finally opened back up last week - deloaded 3X10 a lot as injuries have taken me out in the past. Bench 145, DL 200, Squat 130. So, starting over. Have kept in good shape via kettlebels and bodyweight in the meantime.

Last OYS was in early June. I wasn't being an honest judge of myself. Lots of faggot validation seeking behavior. Took a break, quit drinking entirely, and i'm back.

Mental: Spent the last several years entirely in my head (and hers) surrounding sexual validation and sexual history. Creating your slut describes me perfectly in regards to getting over your girls past. I bled insecurity and tried therapy, xanax, meditation, etc. and in order to stop fixating on various sexual situations that I was aware of. The realization I have come to is that no amount of trying to fix or change the external will change anything for me. Fix the man not the relationship. I understood logically AWALT but did not internalize it. Couldn't properly STFU and became the energy suck in the relationship. Goal now is to lift.

MAP: Career - I quit my well paying job, and took a much lower level job, to relocate for the relationship. Quit that job to start a business. This has taken me much longer that I had first predicted and on the way I have many times had to admit I have no fucking clue what i'm doing. On one (wife's) income the entire time which has been a source of great anxiety for her. Finally on track with the business and open now. Goal is to focus energy here and make it successful.

Final thoughts: Porn has been a feel-good crutch and a motivation killer. Cold turkey is the only way to go here. Focus all my energy on bettering myself and my situation without constantly looking for external validation cues.

fix-the-man · 2020-10-20T18:58:52+00:00

OYS #1

STATS: 35 M, 5'11", 225 lbs.; married 8 years, Wife 36, 5'0", 100 lbs; 1 kid, 5

LIFTS: 4x /wk Dumbell curls 3x12 35 lbs (each) Dumbbell Triceps extension 3x12 35 lbs Dumbbell Shoulder press 3x12 30 lbs (each) Dumbbell squat 3x12 70 lbs Dumbbell row 3x12 35 lbs (each)

I know Jack shit about lifting, and I own a set of 30 lb and a set of 35 lb dumb bells, so this is an area to fix.

Also running 2 miles 3x /wk.

READING: NMMNG, MMSLP, WISNIFG, Rational Male Year One, What a Year of Owning Your Shit Looks Like, reading The Book of Pook

Pook isn't really resonating with me, guys. It's written like something my dungeon master would say (dungeons & dragons, feels like I might need to specify with this crowd).

CAREER: 12 yr engineer in aerospace. I've had regular promotions, but I've been trying to make the jump into the management ladder with not much success. Had an interview today that went well for a position leading a young team of engineers. I like teaching people, so that excites me. If it doesn't work out though, I enjoy that my current job involves playing with big aircraft.

MENTAL: I've always put on a show of confidence, but I rarely have had the self-certainty to truly lead. Instead, I've generally followed the trails i watch my friends take. I feel nervous about risks. Pook is trying to teach me that risk aversion is it's own risk. I don't have that internalized, but I think it's probably a big reason I'm where I'm at in my career and my marriage.

This basically means I don't know what my mission is. When I got here, my mission was to make my wife horny all the time. I know now that that's a shit mission and is entirely dependent on someone else. So I don't know what my real mission is right now. I'm trying to figure it out, but in the meantime my mission is to get myself to a weight I feel proud saying.

SHE SECTION: Found r/deadbedrooms, which led to Athol's blog. Starting trying to follow his advice in November 2019, and I had great success... until I didn't. I bitched to myself (and her) about it Eventually found this place and lurked for a few months. I've been lifting seriously (i know you guys will say I'm still not lifting seriously) since late July, early August. Then I was 250 lbs. I've come to realize that my "she" gains so far have been mostly dancing monkey LARPing.

Right now, I've had sex once in the past two months and it was shitty duty sex. I still initiate, but get turned down. I've been trying to DNGAF about it, and even convinced myself that it's true. This weekend though, I couldn't sleep I had so much internal anger over a rejection after I had cleaned the garage, and taken care of the kid all day and had lost 25 lbs and felt and looked better than I had in years while she sat in bed and watched Netflix (she has a cold, her pussy still works fine... at least I assume it does). I had been working for almost a year (let's be honest, 3 months) at this, and I wasn't getting anywhere. And how dare she? She, she, she!

Well, I realized that night how insidious these convert contracts can be and how I was still totally in her frame. That's when I decided I needed to post in OYS rather than just lurk.

Some success came from that night though. She was pissed at me for keeping her up that night and instead of coming out to lunch with my son and I, she asked me to just bring something back for her. Without thinking I said I would, but then later told her I would not and that she was only not coming to lunch because she didn't want to be around me. I told her men don't bring food to women who don't want to spend time with them. Well, that really pissed her off, but within 30 minutes she was in the car next to me, and we had a lovely lunch together.

SOCIAL: We spent some time with a couple friend this weekend, watching football. I asked the guy if he had a bench, and he showed me his squat rack. I squatted and benched what he had racked up for fun. 150 lbs.

I spend time playing board games and dungeons & dragons with my friends. Real nerd shit. A couple months ago, I asked a church friend to play a board game with me because we needed a 4th for our game. I didn't really know him very well, but I knew he played games, and my group needed a 4th. Well two weeks ago, he messaged me and asked me to play a game with him because his group needed a 4th.

I've been thinking a lot about how I never would have gotten to play that game or meet his friends if I hadn't asked him first. It felt good to make new connections because I reached out to someone. Risk aversion is a risk of it's own. Pook, I'm trying.

Zer0_crow · 2020-10-20T22:30:19+00:00

OYS #1

Stats: 23 yo, ~5,85 feets, LTR 2 yo (probably over soon)

Books:

NMMNG (x3 in audio)
WISNIFG (x1 read, x1 audio)
Dating Essential for men (x1 read, 1 audio, same author as NMMNG)
Models (x1 read, a while ago)
How to be a stoic (reading, not finished, Massimo Pigliucci)
Boundaries in marriage (reading, not finished)

Lifts (lbs): Gyms closed here, so, not lifting anything atm

First OYS, I created a new account for this purpose. Started reading MRP in August/September because my relationship is turning to shit, mostly because of me not taking the lead and turning into a passive nice guy.

Had a talk with my GF tonight, I told her exactly what I wanted her to do: block some guy she was flirting with (including one she cheated me with), and take an appointment with a therapist.

She blocked + deleted them and agreed to call the therapist. Then, instead of STFU and "reward" her for doing so, I kept talking, and I ended up kinda DEERing, admitting to her that I was avoiding her and her family to not get too much attached if I had to break up.

She ended up leaving to a friend's house for tonight

What I can improve:

STFU: Just avoid talking more than necessary

Keeping my calm: When I kept talking, I started to get emotional. She left before it turned into total shit fortunately

What I improved:

Expressing what I want directly: I'm able to "talk seriously" even if it's uncomfortable

Be willing to leave the relationship: I used to be afraid of the "void" (being alone, not many friends and stuff), but since I traveled without her in a foreign country for one week, and talked to peoples without much trouble. Basically, I learned that I could handle it

Going out of my comfort zone: I started doing thigs that used to scare me. Traveling alone (never did it before), trying motorcycle, and other stuff.

Goals:

Trying to improve things or end the relationship if I see it won't improve/go anywhere
Moving out of my country and go to a place with more sun (Mexico, Indonesia...)
Meet peoples & go out of my comfort zone

usedtosaywhatever · 2020-10-20T22:48:28+00:00

OYS #1

46 years old. 6 ft 4 in tall. 210 lbs.

1RM:Deadlift 315Bench 200Squat 295OH Press 135

BJJ for about 6 months until Covid/surgery. Starting again in about two weeks.

I married in my early twenties and had kids when I was 23. Next year it will be 25 years. Both kids now grown and out of the house. Since the quarantine, it's just my wife and I. It's gone incredibly smoothly and she's been good company. She's a great cook and has a good attitude.

Work:I'm VP and generally seen as the top dog, except I don't own the business. I need to get a plan together to move on to my own thing. I have the experience and the connections. I just need to take the fucking leap. To me, this is my main area to improve and own my shit. My finances go along with this. I'm in good shape financially, but I haven't prioritized really getting ahead in this area. I have no significant income that isn't tied to my 9-5. Huge area of improvement for me.

Mission:Everyone that knows me can tell you what my mission is. I've been a musician forever but I've always treated it more like a hobby than something to do professionally, which I'm not proud of. I am changing this mindset.

Relationship:I have been reading TRP for a while and my relationship is where I want it to be. My wife looks up to me and is generally pleasant to be around. My next step is figuring out what else I want from the relationship.

Sex:The sex is on demand. Blow jobs, etc. It's satisfying, though I don't crave it with her like I used to.

More to write, but I'll leave that for #2.

the8rgeek · 2020-10-20T22:56:53+00:00

OYS 1

History (only because it’s OYS 1): discovered MRP over 2 years ago, due to researching “low sex marriage”. Have never been given any threats of leaving, nothing resembling ILYBINILWY, sex was typically once a week but trending in the wrong direction. I went hard with lifting, STFU, and Rambo for a few months, and saw some results…then I became a lazy cunt and backslid. I have repeated this cycle of making steps forward, only to drift back to my old shitty habits and watch my quality of life lessen, have some event smack me in the face to wake me back up again, over and over again every few months. I have been drifting south since mid-April, and I started curbing that shit last week. My goal is to post OYS for a year to keep my shit on track and create a lasting change.

When I was in high school, my AP English teacher called me out for being a slacker in front of the class. This is absolutely true. I have coasted on my abilities, always done the least amount of work required to get by. How much more could I have been at this point? I need to find out how much more I can be starting now, before I waste any more of my life.

Reading (completed): Sidebar materials, NMMNG, WISNIFG, Pook, TRM, most all of the stickied posts and “top rated” posts

Reading (currently): The Daily Stoic every morning, weekly OYS thread every week

Stats: 37, 6’, 210.3lbs, lifts unknown, bf probably north of 25%. Former fat kid who got skinny fat then got close to fit once 10 years ago then drifted back to skinny fat and now just fat.

Fitness and Diet: Haven’t lifted since pre-Covid in February, and have hit the highest weight of my life last week at 212.4lbs. Made a decision to quit soda (have drank probably 40+ ounces a day every day since I was 14) and dramatically reduce alcohol consumption (got to the point where 4+ beers/an entire bottle of wine/3 cocktails a night was standard). Haven’t had a soda or alcohol since Thursday of last week. Made a decision to quit eating shit (was eating drive-thru or takeout 12 meals a week on average). Haven’t had a fast-food meal since Thursday of last week. However, this weekend I ate more snacky crap than I should have because I was camping and everyone else was doing it. I did lead the group on a ~6 mile round trip hike on Saturday, which was the first meaningful exercise I’ve had in a while. And just while typing that, I realized how fucking pathetic that is. Have been doing Starting Stretching every morning since Thursday last week, except while camping Saturday and Sunday. The older dads on the trip bitched each morning about how creaky and sore their backs were after sleeping in a rooftop tent and an RV bed- I don’t want to be that guy.

I’m not fucking with a commercial gym until Covid mellows out.

Weekly Goal: continue Starting Stretching every morning. Begin bodyweight fitness program this afternoon, to be done on alternating days. Eat real food, no sugar, no alcohol.

Long Goal: 175lbs by May 1st. Return to keto diet Sunday of this week.

Parenting: My kids are 6 and 9 years old. I’ve seen a number of occasions recently where my clear lack of setting examples have played out in unacceptable behaviors from my children. I can’t expect my kids to eat healthfully and not constantly be after junk food when they see me drinking soda. My kids have both started shouting at myself and their mother when they are angry about being disciplined or not getting their way- this is due to us shouting at them when they don’t do as we ask. I have been focusing on trying to keep that anger silenced and instead show them with actions and clear communication what the consequences will be if they don’t behave as expected.

Weekly Goal: demonstrate appropriate behavior in communication with them. Shouting is not acceptable.

Long Goal: set them up for a lifetime of success by setting habits of healthy eating, activity, and appropriate communication.

Relationship: My relationship with my wife is dramatically better when I take care of my own shit. The best sexual events that have happened in the last few years have been immediately following times when I showed uncommon leadership. The first was our anniversary 2 years ago, when I took the reigns of planning some really cool experiences on a weekend getaway- she had booked the childcare and the accommodations, and I did everything else. The second was a week into Covid lockdown- I took charge of planning the kids daily schedules, assigned them tasks around the house to do each day, and managed all the technical shit with remote learning.

Weekly Goal: manage our family calendar and make sure that the things I want to have taking up our time are what actually take up our time. Set a weekly schedule for all common household tasks.

Social/Out of the house: This is one of my biggest weak spots. I developed severe Oneitis with my wife over the span of our relationship…at one point I actually said to her “you have all these friends to hang out with, and I only have you” in one of the disgusting, pitiful attempts at negotiating desire after getting shut down pre-MRP. I have recently struck up friendships with a few of the dads from my kids school, and am attempting to make plans to do things outside of the house with them separate from the wives. I’m increasing aware of how many guys are “happy wife, happy life” supplicants who do whatever their wives ask them to do whenever they get asked, and I will not be that guy anymore. I still have shitty fear of approaching people, and it’s a major limiting factor…I’m nearly 38 years old, maybe it’s time to actually accept that I am who I am, and if other people don’t value that then fuck them and move on.

Weekly Goal: make a plan to do something that doesn’t involve my wife and kids every week, whether that is with friends or not

Financial/Work: Perhaps no area of my life represents my “slacker” trait more than this. Part of my job involves reaching out to professionals in associated trades to forge relationships with them that lead to them referring business to me. I allow myself to get sucked down with excuse after excuse for why I can’t make that phone call YET, and my career has stagnated because of that. When I’m in the room with a client, I almost never lose a job. But, I don’t get in the room often enough to make the money I should be making without getting those referring relationships in place.

Weekly Goal: call at least one potential referring partner each day this week and begin building relationships

bluepillbandit · 2020-10-20T23:32:34+00:00

OYS #26

Stats- Age: 40- 193cm 95.7kg, Waist- 36”-

Lifting- Squat- 140kg, Deadlift- 170kg, Incline Bench- 95kg, Standing Press- 60kg

Relationship: Wife 39- Together 20 years- Married 16 years- Kids 10 & 8

Read: Dead bedroom fix, NMMNG, MMSLP, MAP, Saving a low sex marriage, Rational Male, Own Your Shit- Conquer Life, Man Up- Bedrous Keuilian

Reading: MMSLP, NMMNG

Mission- Be a strong, authentic and powerful man so I can provide a life that I want and to guide my children to do the same.

Notes: Have been in the wilderness. I have actively been avoiding posting here because I know I'm not doing what I need to do. I've also been avoiding doing more coaching with /u/sepean for the same reasons (that and I've had some large unexpected expenses). Something that /u/red-curious said a couple of weeks back really hit home with me. It was along the lines of being scared to do for fear of knowing what you're capable of. This is me in a nutshell. I know and I've seen what I am capable of. I'm currently living in that shame of knowing that I am not congruent with myself.

Until 10 days ago I have been drinking a minimum of 6 beers a night every night. I have been eating largely anything I want up until the same time as well. My work has suffered, my family time has suffered, my finances have suffered. My relationship with my wife not so much. It's pretty much the same as it was before but that's also a negative.

I've had an underlying level of anxiety for some time now. I want to blame "covid" but it was there before that. I know in large part it's due to me not being congruent with who I want to be. Covid certainly hasn't helped though. I have been locked down basically since March. The last 10 weeks I have only left the house for groceries and to walk the dog. Normally as part of my job I'm out seeing a variety of different people during the day and get to enjoy some down time whilst driving or eating. I haven't had that the last 8 months and it's exhausting. I have been sucked into the covid news bubble too. As much as I don't want to I haven't been able to escape it. When I do talk to anyone else it's all they talk about too. I have a lot of resentment for what is going on right now and they way it's been handled. There's nothing I can do about it so I know I shouldn't care but I do.

I have noticed I talk too much right now as well. I don't talk too much about my feelings but more about what I'm going to do. I do that to my wife and kids. I need to stop talking and just fucking do it already.

Talking to a mate last week and he called me dramatic. Not in a drama queen sense but that I am an all or nothing person. I'm either drinking everything or nothing. Eating perfectly or completely like shit. Studying like a demon or not at all. My life has no balance or consistency. Looking at everything I do this is evident and present. I am trying to find ways to just keep doing with things instead of having to go all in or all out. I recognise this but it's a lot harder to actually do it.

I have been journalling lately and realised that I need to take a breath before responding to people. I am pretty quick witted and will often get the joke before people have finished saying it but that also leads to me responding too quickly without much thought or responding before people have finished their thoughts. I have noticed myself doing this in conversation with the wife the last week or so. I will agree to a point that she is halfway through making. I need to let that thought get finished and make an informed response. STFU anyone.

Another issue I am overcoming is the fear of other people's opinions. Especially my father. I had told a few select people about my new business venture but had kept it a secret from my dad. His first response to anything is always negative and he points out the potential flaws prior to seeing anything else. This is a pattern I have endured my entire life. Probably one of the reasons I'm not as emotionally mature as I could be is that I have never dared to fail at anything given he would have always talked me out of it when I was younger. I haven't had to deal with many of those harsh lessons. What's interesting is that anytime I tell someone of my plans they're all supportive. Even when I told my old man last week he was 100% on board. Even my wife, whenever I have told her of an idea or a plan I had she was always 100% behind me. Saying that now and knowing it in the moment are still so far apart for me though. That's what frame is to me. Doing that regardless because I want to or I feel a certain way and not worrying what other people are going to do or think due to my actions.

Physical- The last 11 days I've been 95% carnivore. Topped out at 100.5kg and I'm sitting at 95.7 now. I'm using this approach as a reset till I get to around 90 as I know that a different approach will be required to take me further and I will likely add carbs (rice/potatoes) back in. I'm alternating between 50/50 protein to fat and 70/30 protein to fat days at around 2,200-2,500 cals. I feel pretty good eating this way and provided I keep my salt up I haven't had any keto flu type symptoms.

I haven't stopped training at all though and even squatted 140kg and front squatted 130kgs a couple of weeks ago. Doesn't make a difference if I'm a fat fuck though so I will get the fat down and do a slow rebuild from there.

I'm now getting up at 5.30 again. We got a new puppy as a friend for our dog and that's forced my hand. The first hour of my day is not that productive right now but it will be once the pup has settled in and is a little better trained. I also had the best meditation session of the last few months this morning.

Finances- I have taken a hit with covid. Not seeing too many new clients so a lot of my work is existing client related. This means a decent drop in income till the new business starts up again. This is shit and I've spent more on that I should have on stupid shit like alcohol and Uber eats.

Professional- Not much has changed here. On track to launch my new business at the start of December. Pretty stoked about this and I am hoping this can be a viable alternative to my now full time job in the next 12-18 months.

Relationship- No real news to report here. I haven't become a complete bitch so I pass shit tests for the most part. I don't actually get that many cause I'm such a good beta (that's sarcasm for anyone who missed it). I get compliance tested day and night. Actually had a stand off with the wife a week ago for about 10 minutes while we were watching some TV together. She just kept on asking and I kept saying no and making fun of her. I would then get asked again and again. It would be comical if it wasn't so ridiculous. Lesson for me is to not be there watching tv and be off doing something more important. No sex though. I haven't been initiating. This is tied into self worth. I haven't been putting in the work and don't feel prepared. Again, more all or nothing. Need to stop that shit.

Social- Have been talking to one mate in particular a lot lately. Pretty much every day. He's a good bloke and we have a lot in common but I am struggling as he is even more BP than I am. Anytime I broach an RP topic he baulks at the more thought that it might be true. I have had the same experience with a few other mates recently too. I am pretty much resigned to that fact that I won't have any real life people to bounce these kinds of ideas off.

Plan for this week-

- Pick up a fucking book. Start with MMSLP again and listen to NMMNG audiobook everyday.

- Journal every day

SemperErit · 2020-10-21T00:22:23+00:00

OYS 1

30, married w/ 3 kids. 5’8”/170

Lifts (working weight 4x10): BP 155, BB Row 145, BS 145, DL 220, OhP 95

Read: NMMNG, MMSLP, SGM, Book of Pook

Currently Reading: TWOTSM

Background: I found MRP 2 or so years ago out of bedroom frustration. Starting reading, realized I was a bitch, realized all the men around me were bitches, realized I was a shitty captain, started making changes. Didn’t particularly care to write out OYSs because I didn’t care to commit the time each week. Ended up deploying for 9 months where I gradually realized I would be perfectly fine alone, and that not getting laid wasn’t the end of the world. Got to work on my degree and other things while I was gone which really helped out on removing time consuming actives from my life and prioritizing the things I wanted to learn. Got back home earlier this year and started working on figuring out what I actually want in my life.

Career: I have, and always will have, multiple things going on here. I am in investor at heart, always have been and always will be. I buy and sell rental properties and manage for a few other people. I love it but I’m limited in the resources I have available to me, and this is not a good time to buy properties right now. I think we’re on the edge of another housing market crash and will see some major negative movement starting early next year. Because of this I started getting into stock market trading while I was deployed so I could continue to be proactive in my investing.

I’ve actually done very well on the market this year. At the start of September I had replicated my annual salary in my brokerage account. My last really good day was literally a $20,000 day. Leading up to this I had started to realize how much I wanted this to be my primary job. The freedom throughout the day to do what I needed is pretty much what I feel I’ve been missing in life. I was stoked and had upped my goal for the year to break six figures. Well since that point things have gone to shit. What I was doing up to this point was pretty high risk/high return. It had been working out but has not at all over the last 6 weeks. I’ve taken out a good chunk of my gains which set me back below my initial goal. I’ve switched to a more conservative strategy but the rate of growth is insanely frustrating vs what I was doing. Additionally, moving to doing this full time is much further out now than it was at that point.

For my full time job: I was in another branch of the military and then came to the national guard in 2017 where I’ve worked full time in various company support roles. I’m not happy in the guard and adapting an RP mindset has not helped that at all. The army/guard culture is a culture of weakness and it pisses me off. I decided while I was deployed that once I finished my college degree I’m commissioning back into my previous branch where at least I know there is a semblance of what I expect the military to look like. I finished my degree and met with a recruiter so now I’m finishing out my packet and hopefully will be in OCS next spring/early summer.

I want to get to a point where I am making more than my active duty officer salary on the market each year. Personally, I feel like that puts me in a very powerful position where I will get the most of my military career. Additionally, I really only want to do one more active duty contract and then fall back to just a full-time investor. I’ve enjoyed my time in the military thus far but its not my passion. I do it because its something I want to do.

Lifts: I just need to stay consistent on this. I have a calisthenics workout I do with my wife in the morning before work and then usually life weights once I get to work. At work I hit upper body on Tues/Thurs and lower body on Wed/Fri. Wed after lunch I usually get an hour of running playing ultimate frisbee with the other full-time guys in my office.

Some weeks we are really on point with the early morning workout and others I’m just wore the fuck out. I have no idea what it is but some weeks I’m just utterly useless in the gym. That was the last couple weeks and it was rough. This week I’m hitting only weights and next week I’m starting the early morning workouts back up. If I don’t do these my wife doesn’t work out.

Relationship: I’m honestly not really sure here. I generally like my wife, we’ve been friends since high school and I can pretty much get laid anytime I want. She brings decent value to the relationship through occasion good ideas on real estate moves, she pretty much knows exactly what I look for so I can send her to go look at properties, she’s a good mom, and a good cook when she actually cooks. She recently started working so the cooking isn’t nearly as often.

Sex is ok, nothing spectacular. I was working on improving this really hard prior to the deployment and right when I got back; but pretty shortly after returning I just kinda lost interest in putting in the work. That's what it has become, work. I’m not sure if my lack of interest here is because I don’t think I’m ever going to get the result I want, which at this point I’m not even sure what that looks like; or if I’m so wrapped up in getting beyond where I am with my career that sex is just low on my priority list. I can get laid pretty much whenever I want. My want has just seriously decreased.

ST Goals: $1000 gain this week on the market. Finish TWOTSM, hit weights everyday at work.

LT Goals: Break the 6 figure value on my account prior to leaving for OCS, bring my monthly dividend average to $1500 before the end of the year.

kendallb183 · 2020-10-21T06:39:08+00:00

OYS #2.

Physical: Confirmed surgery to fix rotator cuffs and SLAP tear, going to be both shoulders at once, in a sling for 3 months, 6 months until normal functioning, 1 year till I can fully weight lift again. ETA on surgery is looking to happen in about 6 months from now. Started cut until then because any mass I gain will be lost in the 1 year of recovery.

Weight lifting: Created workout plan. Executing now. (I did more exercises per muscle group than listed but I'm summarizing the main test of strength for each muscle group)

BP: 135x10x3, muscle failure last to reps of the third set

Delts: 20lbs side raises x 10 reps x 3 sets 8/10 difficulty

Biceps: 20 lbs x 10 reps x 3 sets 7/10 difficulty, stepping to 30 next week

Triceps: 3 sets x 10 reps x 20 lbs of skull crushers, 8/10 difficulty

Bent over row: 130 lbs x 10 x 3 sets, 8/10 difficulty

Next week will post DL and Squat numbers

Books: re-reading WISBIFG

Diet: BF @ 21%. Started high protein diet last week. Currently in a 500 cal deficit with protein intake equal to 1g per lb of lean body weight. Rest of macros are mostly carbs, low fat.

RP theory currently working on: STFU. Read 3 main posts on STFU. My interpretation is STFU is about not arguing with the hamster. It isn't litterally ignoring your wife. Caught myself a few times trying to rationalize with the hamster and simply said look I dont wanna talk about this anymore, were going in circles. She knew my point I saw her hamster of a rationalization for the hypocritical nonsensical thing it was and saw how she kept just twisting things. No point to argue with. Make my side known and listened to her side for the validation she needs, repeat my point of view and stopped trying to argue with the hamster.

Finances: Just spent $2500 on our anniversary trip. So we dipped deep into our savings but expect to make back $10,000k by Christmas. Planned out all the details and finances for the holidays and plans for her and my sons b-day in February. Lots of traveling to do, lots of logistics figured out money wise. End goal is to save $350k in 5 years to buy dream home outright.

Education: im retired so I have 16 hours a day. I can't fill all of those up with chores, weight lifting and reading the internet. So I have chosen to keep my mind sharp by learning to master physical training to a CSCS level.

Mental health: no hallucinations in a while. Hit hard depression that knocked me on my ass for several hours 2 days ago to where I couldn't get out of bed, when it passed I started trying to make up for lost time by cleaning up the kitchen. Still having large rapid cycling swing between hypomanic and depressed. Seeing the psychiatrist tomorrow, going to see what I can do. Worked with psychologist to give me material to educate my wife on signs im hypomanic. Created a plan to keep me from doing crazy shit during a hypomanic phase. When hypomanic I have to lock up forms of spending so I dont blow our whole bank account in 1 day. I have to make sure not to decide to do anything impulsive and add a 3 day notice to any new plans to keep me from deciding I want to go, planning it,, paying for it, and starting a road trip to Mexico in the same day. For instance. And a few other pieces. But essentially created buffer to control myself when I know I can't.

Chores: started washing clothes, doing dishes, cleaning and maintaining household cleanliness, and setting up man cave. Rope is actually pretty short with wife in this area, she feels guilty and the need to assist me right away. Even gets mad if I start doing her work for her (likely because it shows im not actually always dependant on her when I am at a healthy mental status.) If I say I'm going to do the dishes, went to the bedroom to grab my water bottle, she already was washing them. This is pretty common reaction across all the chores I've started doing

Sex: wife was a virgin. Very shy and doesn't know how to do much. Taught her to give a great blowjob. She feels way more comfortable. She won't do it often which is because I look fat as fuck and ny SMV is low. I do get sex daily, sometimes twice a day, any way I want it.

Wife: still a harpy. Went next door to my grandmothers and cousins house to help grandmother with IRS paperwork. Wife was annoyed I was leaving to go there. Then asked me to take my son and ask my grandmother to watch him, so I did. She complained my workouts are too often and takes too long(4 days a week, 2 hours a day). I told her I can't help it but I wanna keep doing it. Said it in more of a way of im gonna keep doing it not in a I need your approval way. At my grandmas got my cousin and worked out at my house. Wife waited until I was mid workout to go get my son. I asked her why can't she. She said because it makes her anxious to be around people she doesn't know very well (she won't even get pizza from the delivery guy, she makes other people do it). I told her im working out and I'm not gonna go just because she's shy, she's part of my family now and needs to work on being comfortable around my family. She gets pissed, gets my son, talks with my grandma for 30 minutes, comes home and I say that took a while, looks like it wasnt so bad. She ignores me and walks inside. When I finish my workout I go inside and she is still pissy and says I had to watch your son for 2 hours while you worked out, thats why you shouldn't be doing it. And I said yeah, its something I'm gonna do so were just gonna have to work it out. She keeps an attitude and I just start talking to my cousin about his future in college. Wife gets up goes and takes a nap. End of story. So, still a lot going on. Need to raise my SMV a lot. I believe I need to quit validating her hamster, its causing her to have frame not me and she believes she can dictate my life and punish me by getting pissy when I dont do as she approves. Still working on that solution.

PatientDeprograming · 2020-10-21T16:20:32+00:00

OYS1

Stats: 40 5’9; 246.5lb; Married for 7, 2 young kids

Current Lifts(lb): Bench: 135X5, MP: 95X5, SQ: 135X5 DL: 95X5 Row: 95X5

Reading: Working through the side bar: currently reading TWOTSM & past 60 DoD threads

Background: At the end of August 2020 I did a lot of self reflection and came to the realization that I was fucked up. I exhibited all the textbook beta behavior including looking for self-validation from my wife. I stopped the self denial about being ok with my weight, 270 at the time and found MRP about a month later and started reading everything. I’ve never been fully “alpha” but disgusted at what I had become.

I started my self evaluation mainly because I was unhappy with the state of my marriage, but over the last two months I have realized that the problems in my marriage are mainly because of me. I was not happy with myself. For the first month I still blamed my wife for a lot of it but that has changed. I accept that things are this way because I let them get this way. I don’t know if my marriage will last but the changes I need to make, I need to make for me. The shit tests, deadbedroom (i know everyone’s surprised), the lack of respect, are symptoms. The problem is my lack of respect and confidence in myself. It took me years to get to this fucked up state, it will take some time to change it.

Physical: Long-term goal: keep weight 170 and under & maintain a level of strength, which I define as 1RM: 340SQ, 425DL(sumo), 255 BP/row, & 170MP. Priority one is weight, I’m a fat fuck.

Plan:

1.) Fast minimum of 72 hours a week. Status: avg 85; current week plan: 113. Results: avg about 3.21lbs per week.

2.) Less Alcohol: Only drinking 2 days a week, new plan is 2 days and only drink when being social.

3.) Lifting: Switched from doing some light workouts at home to getting a gym membership last week. Doing a DanJohn 40 workout routine. Lifts are Bench, Squat, Deadlift, Row, Military Press. Immediate goals are habit, consistency and basic strength. Got the mats down and space cleared for my home gym. Bar and the first set of plates arrive next week so I should be set if COVID closes the gyms again.

Relationship: I have friend zoned my own wife. That's basically the short of it. She doesn’t see me as a man, rather as a amorphous partner. One of the key takeaways I have internalized from the MRP readings is that desire is not negotiable… and boy did I try to do that in the past. I am an idiot.

I have always been comfortable with being by myself. I realized I was hanging out with my wife for the sake of hanging out, not because I wanted to but because I thought that is what she wanted. Pretty pathetic, I know. I started withdrawing my attention two months ago, just doing what I wanted to do, projects, ect.

I screwed up the other week. I invited her to watch a movie that I wanted to see, but she didn’t want to see it and instead we changed the movie. I should have just watched the movie without her because I wanted to see it.

I also have tried to increase flirting and kino and I think it's been received and reciprocated. This is an area where I just need to get the fuck out of my own head. Just do it cause I want to, don’t worry about what I perceive her attitude or feelings are beforehand.

During a shit/comfort(?) test last week, told my wife I was headed outside to read for an hour before heading to bed and I got “you can read here you know.” I did not handle it smoothly. Instead of just saying, no I want to enjoy the weather and read outside I hesitated because I was thinking of all the reasons I did not want to read there. I got there eventually but need to get out of my head here too.

Mental/Frame:

I’m still holding onto anger and resentment that I just need to get over. It’s getting better but still a problem. I still get too buthurt at some of the shit tests. I realize this is just a hurt ego, I need to kill it. I don’t have this problem at work, or with friends but for some reason I place more weight on it from the wife - probably due to a lingering validation mindset. I have caught myself sliding into trying to explain myself once or twice in the last week.

I’m slowly reinforcing my frame and using habits and activities Main goal is to identify shit tests and expect them as they will always come. Also work on identifying covert contracts.

Stopped (computer games) or limited (porn & drinking) some escapism behaviors.

Career: Good, but complacent. I need to increase internal marketability in order to maintain the flexibility I have with my job. I set up a meeting with my manager on Monday to get approval to do an internal certification that will allow me to switch jobs at the company more easily.

redPillOnHard · 2020-10-21T20:10:33+00:00

Health

Successful competition last week. Purposefully vague as to not dox myself. Several months of prep, put my body through hell. This has been a goal for the past 10 years. Now that its done, I want to find another challenge to work toward. Learned a lot about myself and did well. I'm proud of myself.

My body is is pretty beat up right now. Need to take the time to recover a bit. Lifting is a non negotiable, so I'll keep doing that. Will work in more stretching and PT on off days.

Business

Lots of opportunities in front of us. We will need to staff up if we get selected for them. Good problem to have. I'm working on the planning, so that when that happens we can execute effectively.

Parenting

I have been reacting to my teenager more than I should. I will work on this going forward. She is my oldest, and parenting is hitting new territory as she spreads her wings a bit. She need me to be an oak more than ever and I need to remember that in the moment when she frustrates me.

Relationship

Good input from WS and other in the youtube discussion. I've been so busy this past week, that the conspiracy discussions haven't really been an issue. When they did come up, I've AA'd and change the subject or left to do something productive.

My wife has been very supportive of my mission over the past few months as I prepared for last weeks event. I've been gone a lot, training and traveling. She has stepped up and handled most of the kid related stuff while I've been focused elsewhere.

We are currently working on a remodel project and its been going nicely. She gives her input, but I make the final decision. With part of the house torn up, its been a bit challenging sharing space with the kids more than usual. Overall its been a good process so far and we are all excited for the end results.

AurelianReflections · 2020-10-21T21:07:13+00:00

OYS#8- Rejection

Have been reading the sidebar this week. Trying to programme my mind to see the matrix for what it is.

Felt like I haven't made massive gains this week, but I’m still here, trying to be accountable for my progress.

Best thing I’ve read and come to realise that I cant expect my mothers love from my wife. She will only care about herself, and hers. Briffault’s law.

Physical

Last week’s goal was to stick to a routine. I have managed to do that for the past week. Worked out 3 days last week and was following a routine I have done previously.

Felt more tired/drained this last week. Have been working 7 days a week, and with new baby it feels like I get little time to recuperate.

Overall I have eaten better this week. There was one day I pigged out on some fruit tella, mentos and a fizzy drink. I’ve learnt my lesson now.

Money

Attempted to make budget for short term goals. This area isn't a major problem, and working on my mental takes precedent.

Value

Last week’s goal was to pass more shit tests. Not really sure if I’ve passed more tbh.

Best thing I’m trying to do is to STFU, A&A, and not get butthurt over it. I am getting better at this, but still have a long way to go.

I’ve noticed that when conversing with other people, I’m trying to use some of the same principles to make the conversation more fun and flow better.

Comfort

We gave each other a massage earlier in the week. It was nice to give and receive from each other, and it does create a better vibe in the house.

Not engaging if there are arguments. Try to stay stoic. I’ve failed with this at least once this week. I’m seeking approval less after we do fall out, and sticking to my guns when necessary.

Personality & Preference

Have been better with the use of electronic devices. Massively cut down from what I was a few weeks ago.

Still haven't managed to move forward with the house, as that is the next area of my life that needs improving.

Sex

Got rejected earlier in the week. I guess I’m not attractive enough yet. Wasn’t butthurt, and haven't held that against her.

Focus

Keep logging my workouts.
Dress better. Buy some nicer trousers.
Stay weary of shit tests, and keep attempting to pass.
Give affection when deserved.
Move forward with the house. Keep off the devices, and get shit done.
Don’t be scared to get rejected. Keep things playful, and escalate to being sexual.

fireBadMeGood · 2020-10-22T15:49:24+00:00

OYS#3

Late 30s; 5'8" 168# Navy: 19%; married 15+y; wife late 30s, multiple kids

5/3/1 training maxes: row 140#; squat 195; bench 140; dead 190; ohp 105 | Convict Calisthenics (levels): pushup 2; handstand 3; dip 1; squat 3; leg raise 1; pullup 2; bridge 2 | 30m bike (couch to 5k splits) (mins / heart rate): 5/155; 20/175; 5/155

Ego. Fucking ego.

It's my elephant and my vampire, as well as the vampire of those around me. When I started fucking around with MRP shit earlier this year, I thought: "Man, I've been lifting for years and am in decent shape. I get laid a couple times a week. I've got years worth of expenses in savings at this quality of life. I don't think my wife has had a physical affair. I'll be a fucking rockstar if I start from here." How wrong I am.

I came here for sex tips and game, but here basically said back to me: "Dude, we don't really know you, but can tell your ego is a problem." My first reaction to that was, "Fuck right you don't know me! Or my ego!" It angered me. u/Cloudy_Pirate pointed out that anger is a sign of ego. That struck bone. He was just right. I definitely don't have control of my anger. I can ruin one, or even more days.

So, I searched the MRP forum. Found Killing the Ego, among other quality posts. Found a few noting the usefulness and importance of having a good and healthy ego - i.e., not simply killing it. So, from there, I really tried to pause other efforts of change (MAP, SOCIAL, ETC.) and really just kind of focus on taking in information about dealing with my ego. At first, I found myself wanting to walk around being my own ego fixer and therapist, but I was lucky enough to see pretty quickly that this was just my ego taking over that job too (which is a really fucked-up infinite Russian doll situation). That led me to see how difficult it is for me to even accurate identify when my ego is raging. So, I resolved that I would, as a first step, just start trying to identify that. Not kill it or change it. Just be able to say "ego" to myself when I identified the ego taking control. It's been a trip. Happens way more than I would've bet on a couple weeks ago (and I know I'm not catching them all).

Right now, my reaction to my own ego is more ego. I spent the last two days furious with myself. For context, my wife had come home from work, obviously tired and down. I locked eyes with her and said "How about some cuddles tonight." She replied, "Okay, but the cuddles that don't end up in sex." That bothered me in the moment, but I told myself that this is what I need to work on so be outcome independent and brush it off. That night, I cuddled without even getting a hard on. Thought I'd made a milestone. Early next morning, still in bed, wife is sighing heavily, seemingly distressed. I scooch over to her and cuddle her again, stroking her arm. No hard on, not wanting sex, just basic comfort. After about five minutes, she blasts in my ear, angrily "Stop. That tickles!" I stammered, then moved over to my side of the bed while saying dismissively, "There are too many rules over here." Shitty comfort test failed.

For the rest of that day, I was a butthurt bitch. I was seething. Fuck the ego identification business. I start telling myself, "This chick has the gall to shelve sex in a cuddle session, which I give, and then reject the cuddling! That's beyond fucked up!" We get to dinner, and wife, in front of kids, lays down a really shitty passive-aggressive non-apology: "You seem hurt. I'd like to apologize if you feel hurt. Will you accept my apology?" I, still running on pure ego anger, say "Well, just let me know when that apology gets here." Shitty comfort test failed again.

1/2 ... cont'd

WrongAccomplice · 2020-10-23T19:50:57+00:00

AGE: 32, wife 33. Married 3 years, together 7 years. 2/yo daughter.

6’0”, 175 lbs. Target weight 185.

LIFTS: Pullups/chinups 5x, squat 145lb. Gym time 3x a week.

READING: Just starting with sidebar items.

BACKGROUND: I'm pretty new to the acronyms. Wife says she "is interested" and that "physical attraction is not the problem" but this is in response to my blowups after going rambo and feeling like I failed miserably. Wife starfishes during sex and has for the past 5 years at least. Sex only happens when I press her about it and she never initiates. Blames some of it on her health anxiety but I have doubts about it the validity of that after some details below.

She had an emotional/sexual affair via text with a stranger on the internet a few months ago. "He" (she?) did a lot of things by the book and honestly I was impressed reading the exchange 😂. Not really sure it was truly male by how the sexting progressed but was a good representative of what a woman's ideal of a sexually attractive male could be / act like.

Basically wife cucked me emotionally. No photos were shared so might have been a random dude or another lonely housewife but regardless it still hurt a lot. The times she fucked me during the affair, after sexting with "him", confirmed to me that she is capable of more than just starfishing. She would move her pelvis and was one of only 3 times in the past 5 years where she initiated. So, I'm convinced now that her attraction to me is the problem.

PHYSICAL: Lost some muscle mass after covid due to lack of gym accessibility. Bought a pull-up bar and waiting for Bowflex adjustable dumbbells to come in the mail. working out again 2x a week goal is to build 10-15lbs of muscle. I'm good looking enough I think it's just my personality / attitude that's the problem.

SOCIAL: Pretty much non-existent except for a few close friends that keep in touch via FB. Wife is afraid of covid and would freak out if I met anyone in person so I'm not ready for that shit test just yet.

MARRIAGE: I'm just staring out and reading the material. I probably need a coach to help me learn to properly STFU and not rambo until I blow up and get all upset about stuff.

We don't go out to restaurants so not a lot of potential for social interaction. We are around eachother all the time for quarantine and don't get a lot of time by ourselves or outdoors. I try to be stoic for the daytime but once night rolls around and she rejects my advances I blow up. Now I know that her true sexual energy is still there but is just not directed at me. I have a LOT of resentment about that and about what I read in her online text exchange.

I have zero self worth and feel pretty dependent on external confirmation so it makes her affair that much worse. I'm trying to get over the idea that I need to cheat on her to feel attractive again. I feel like a little bitch. I oscillate between hating her guts and calling her a cunt and feeling dead and weak inside and needing her approval. I'm pretty rock bottom rn.

HEALTH: No complaints other than I need a root canal on Tuesday.

GOALS: Development of self worth and self esteem. Learning to build muscle for me and not for her.

buck_wyld_99 · 2020-10-24T00:19:55+00:00

OYS 1

Age: Early 30s Wife early 30s, no kids. 5'9" 165lbs

Lifts: Squat: 220, Bench: 195, OHP: 140 DL: 285

Sidebar and what I’ve learned:

NMMNG - Stop catering to others and put your needs first, stop sacrificing yourself to everyone
WISNIFG - Fogging and negative inquiry, be your own judge
Pook - Be the bird that tries to fly away, not the bird that flies into the cage
Rollo - AWALT, have the information and then choose how to act, but don’t pretend that reality isn’t true, and don’t be mad at women for being how they are
MMSLP - Your wife is a woman, treat her like a lover not a roommate
MAP - Dont suck, get your shit together
TWOSM - Be in touch and aware of your internal energy and spirit. See your time and energy as a gift to be given
Carnegie - Be a likeable person, be genuinely interested in other people
Models - don’t be inauthentic, what works for others may not work best for you
Day Bang - how to have interesting conversation
48 laws of power - be intentional with everything you do, nothing should be by accident
SGM - be more dominant, let go of your inhibitions
J10 post history: Stop keeping score and seeing life as you vs. her, instead, see it as us vs. the world.

Shit I need to Own:

1) Stop looking at porn - I use porn as a buffer from my sad sex life with my wife. She rarely ever says no but when it is never exciting or full of passion. Rather than owning this and doing a better job of leading in this area, I escape to amateur videos of other people recording their sex life and wish it was me. Not only is the really fucking pathetic, it also drains me of the desire to actually fix the problem in real life.. I have to break this habit once and for all.

Goal: Stop looking at porn

Action step: Do not look at porn at all this week. If I feel myself tempted to look at porn, come back and re-read this post first and use that as motivation to stay away.

2) Stop feeling responsible for my wife's depression. I tend to lean towards the Extreme Ownership camp, and so I feel like my wife's depression, which has been caused by some external factors in our life, is something I need to fix. Posts like "Anxious and depressive wives - its all your fault" reinforced this natural tendency in me, but i am realizing that this is actually still just nice guy behavior I haven't squashed. I am not trying to give her joy and cheer her up from a place of strength, I am doing it because her sad mood makes me frustrated and uncomfortable.

Goal: Stop feeling responsible for fixing her mood

Action step: Continue to be a positive, cheerful person, but if she is being sad let her be sad - don't try to fix her.

3) Kill your ego - stop caring so much what other people think of you. This is a tough one for me. I am really driven by what others think of me and what image I am putting out into the world. I want to be liked and respected and I spend an inordinate amount of mental energy trying to do the right thing thing in order to be well liked. As a result I hate the way I look (im lifting 4x per week but still skinnyfat btw) and I am constantly questioning and filtering the things I say and do. As I am just putting all this down on paper it sounds like I need to go back and re-read No More Mr. Nice guy, as this all sounds like a nice guy covert contract as well.

Goal: give less fucks what other people think

Action step: Go back and re-read NMMNG

AlphalfaSprout · 2020-10-24T12:07:38+00:00

[permanently deleted]

wellhouboutthat · 2020-10-25T02:59:07+00:00

It's been several years since I've posted here - new account. I have nothing but excuses, so it's time to Own My Shit again.

STATS: Age 41, wife 38, 3 young kids. 5'10' 215lbs. Fat.

LIFTS: Squat 375, Dead 425, Bench 275.

READING: WISNIFG (3rd time), Mindful Attraction Plan (2nd time)

FINANCES: Very good. This is one area I've managed to improve. I have two months of fuck you money and have grown my business considerably.

HYGIENE: That's all I got right now. I give myself a 7.5

HOBBIES: I keep myself very busy between dirt bikes and other off roading. I'm in the middle of a basement update to include a new music room - I have side hustle selling speakers and AV setups/equipment.

Areas needing the most improvement:

Fatness
Fatness. Seriously, that's my biggest weakness and it makes the biggest impact on all aspects of life. Before MRP, I just thought I wasn't cool enough anymore. I was the fat kid growing up, got my shit together in high school and was in damned good condition in college. I had more than enough women to choose from. I just thought I was a pretty cool guy. Didn't realize how much I got away with until I became a fat ass again. No more randoms approaching me, no more appreciating myself in the mirror and certainly no more interest from my wife. As my mirror, you can imagine what she looks like as well.
Dread - maybe a -2. For some reason, it doesn't work when you're a fat ass.
Focus - This is why I'm re-reading MMSLP. I've lost my focus and have found myself aimless far too often throughout the day.
Rambo/autistic. Yeah, I'm still angry. It took a while to lose the anger about the so called hand I'd been dealt. Poor baby. I'm not angry about the way this shit works anymore. I'm angry simply because I know the rules and I still let myself relapse. Once in a while, I go Rambo. I've learned to get much better with STFU and Agree/Amplify, etc. However, I'm mostly still at STFU. And that is because I still have a lot of work to do on myself. My insecurity drives me to saying stupid shit and having arguments instead of laughing it off. I STILL let things get to me.

HornsOfApathy · 2020-10-20T08:18:05+00:00

OYS #4

Me: 47, Married, 200 pounds, son 6.

Physical: Been hitting the gym consistently for the last 6 weeks. Never miss a day - 4 days lifting, 2 days conditioning. All of my lifts are going up. Still noob gains but I find myself getting to the point where my day has to start off with the gym or it doesn't feel right. Feeling strong here.

Bench: 179 1RM Deadlift: 272 1RM OHP: 115 1 RM Squat: 196 1RM

Reading: I've hit all of the required reading at least once. I spent some more time on NMMNG and have signed up for one of Dr. Glover's classes, "All the Way In". Kind of a rip off in that it's only a short written section for the "lessons" but the podcasts are very good and there's a lot of historical live archived Q&A sessions you can go through. Not sure if it's worth the $200 though. Will report back if it gets better.

Family: Continuing to strive for excellence at home. Been knocking out so many unfinished house projects lately, feeling good here. I find myself procrastinating less and just trying to get shit done as soon as it happens. Case in point, bathroom toilet started acting up, wife mentioned something in the morning because it wouldn't stop flowing water and kept her up all night. Went out on my lunch break and got a replacement part and fixed it that afternoon in the middle of my lunch break. Also took the family to buy a new shed which has been on the to do list for 6 years and then spent the weekend doing family activities - mini-golf as a family, building & launching a model rocket with my son, taking my son trout fishing. All-in-all a great weekend. I'd also noticed the mood around the house is lighter and more enjoyable for all of us, much more playful. I have been doing small amounts of kino almost everyday and it seems to have increased to the point where my wife actively walked over to give me a hug - something she hasn't done in forever. Then this weekend I jokingly smacked my wife's ass pretty hard as she walked past. That started a wrestling / tickling match where my son joined in. It turned into a fun few minutes as we all chased each other around the house.

Mission: Still lost here. Outside of lifting, eating healthier and STFU nothing identified that I want to put on paper than I can anchor to.

Sex: Took my wife out last weekend and we had sex afterwards. First sex we've had in months. I initiated again this past weekend by saying "I'm going to put the boy down, when I come out I want you in the bedroom waiting for me and gave her a kiss". She said OK and seemed receptive but after I put my son down I came out to find her asleep on the couch. I nudged her to wake up and was met with some mumbling sleepily saying "you never cuddle, all you want it sex". Giving the wife a pass here, she's pre-menopausal with serious fatigue issues at the moment. It wasn't said in a nasty way, just sort of matter-of-factly. I really didn't know what to do but I didn't want to show any butthurtness so I cuddled with her as she slept for 5 minutes then told her to get off to bed so she could sleep better. I'll admit I was bitter after that rejection and I slept on it. I woke up the next day and completely reset and acted like it didn't bother me. No pouting, not being distant. But will admit I was pissed. I need to work on that. I will say the next day went surprisingly well though. Normally there's a little tension after being pressured, nothing this time. I'm going to increase the initiation just to test the waters and see what happens.

Social: Really dropping the ball here. I haven't focused enough on creating my own life outside of family. Need to set a goal and stick to it. Finding excuses with COVID to not be out in restaurants and finding it hard to get out. I don't have any activities with friends that don't involve drinking. All of my friends that were part of my past were partying friends. See my last OYS for context. I need healthy male relationships that don't center on drinking or drugs. This needs immediate attention.

What went well: This weekend when I was getting ready to go fishing my son was having a meltdown because I told him to find some fishing pliers he had borrowed and lost. I was upset because he keeps asking for things to play with then loses them when they're needed. He's six and it's probably an unreasonable request for his age. My wife started in on me to go to him and began raising her voice. I did well here with STFU. Normally I'd match her tone and show general anger at the situation. After STFU for a minute I called my son over and began to engage him on what we were doing, asking for his help with bait and line tying. He calmed down and engaged and my wife walked off a little pouty. After things settled we got ready to leave and I gave her a kiss goodbye. It ended well and things went smoothly the rest of the day. I have not fought with her in two weeks. Definite improvement.

Short term goals: I need to quit smoking. Struggling here. I had quit for a long time but it's gotten the best of me lately.

I also need to stop procrastinating at work and get shit done sooner. I'm doing fine overall with my job but this area needs improvement. Time management is a major issue for me.

I need to get out with friends as stated above. I need to own my shit here because deep down I'm in her frame still by thinking my old friends are people I shouldn't be around. It's partly true. Some of those friends are bad news. Some don't party anymore. I know I can find healthier ways to engage, watching football together, etc. with the ones who are a positive influence and don't party. I need to create new ways to socialize. I think I use my history as an excuse because Im afraid of the conflict it could cause in my marriage because my history assumes they'll drag me down a bad path. I need to lead here and find healthier social interactions

I need to focus on my diet and track macros. I’m eating healthy but need to be more consistent and not just wing it like I do. I need a plan with specificity not just “eating less” and fasting.

NotEvenMyFinalF0rm · 2020-10-20T10:09:25+00:00

OYS #2

42yrs; 82Kg; 6’0”; BF 14% (full body BIA)

1rm (calc) BP 101Kg; SQ 87Kg; OHP 55Kg

Books: TRM 1 & 2; NMMNG , MMSLP, WISNIFG
(Mainly by Audiobook, I have restarted NMMNG in paper, working though the exercises)

Family: 2 Children 9 & 13 , LTR of 19 years with a 6 month separation a few years ago.

I am just going to focus on the main points that have changed since my last OYS three weeks ago.

Lifting:
I'm back at my pre-lockdown stats for all the big lifts. and hit two small PB this week in BP and SQ. Still miles off, but I'm making progress.
I'm starting to look at the best next routine to keep me growing, I've been doing a 5x5 for 2 days with higher rep ends to each major lift, and 2 days of high volume accessory exercises. I probably need to keep working this for a while and not change just for its own sake.
I'm eating more, which is easy when I work away, but less easy at home, my LTR resents having to cook what I want to eat. I cook all my own lunches and get a big % of my macros there. When I cook in the evening I cook what I want to eat and can control my quantities better. There has been a couple of meals where she has made an effort to make the quantities I need and type of food I want.

Mental:
I've gone through a course of Hypno-Therapy last week, this is continuing this week in recorded sessions I use daily. This has cleared out a lot of the baggage, anger and resentment I had about my childhood. It was a toss-up between this and a course of guided mushroom experiences, but I liked the targeted approach of the RTT Hypnotherapy.
I'm still working though this, but so far I feel much clearer in my thoughts about my past and my parents.
Still meditating daily and seeing the benefits of this in my interactions, particularly in control and clarity of my thoughts when under stress / conflict.

Mission:
My vision and mission is still not defined.
My hope is that will my future clarity of though I can focus on the future once I get my head out of my past.

Social:
Social is building back up again, I'm picking things back up with a few friends and acquaintances. I need to focus on making basic conversations with people, I've chatted to a couple of guys at the gym in the last couple of visits. That sounds basic, but I started the conversations and they went well, pretty good bumps to my confidence and definitely progress from my previous state.

Relationship
The affair I've been having with the sub woman has come to an end. She doesn't want it to end, but she was getting much too attached, she has been separated from my real life situation, so hopefully cannot explode it in revenge.

I have had a couple of conversations with my LTR about how we need to be better. I know I need to lead and Acta non Verba, and I'm doing this, but she has specifically asked me to talk about what I want us to be.
I have not told her about the hypnotherapy, I mentioned only that I am working through a few things and making changes to who I am. Threw in a few jokes about the wanker I used to be.

We have fucked more regularly. I am pushing her a little more on the Dom side and so far she is receptive. I know I need to balance with the rest of the DEVI and I am working to not move to fast, either to scare her off, or make her suspicious of where I am getting this from. I am still only initiating at night once in bed and I need to get more creative, but I'm pushing the gaming her during the day and also talking more about what I want.

I am also meeting, talking and texting a couple of other women in the background, both I could fuck at any time with a little work.

I'm happy with my progress, but not my current position. I have so much more to do, but I have a drive to do it and seeing the little successes makes that drive so much stronger.

SpareTireBob · 2020-10-20T12:20:16+00:00

OYS #12 – 10-20-20

Stats – 37yo; HT 5’-10”; WT 190 lbs; BF% 14.7% (navy method)

Lifts – DL=350x1, BS=300x1, BP 200x2, OHP=130x2

Relationship - married 11, together 14; 4 kids under age 10

Read – NMMNG, The Rationale Male Year 1, MMSLP Currently Reading - The Daily Stoic, WISNIFG (90%)

Mindset

I want to thank u/DirtyNuke for his OYS last week, specifically:

Why do you care? Don't beat yourself up about it. You're still thinking on her terms. Take a look at that "care". Hold it. Look at it from all sides and then set it aside.

That sat in my mind all week, a few times I asked myself why I cared. I realized that all the blue pill crap I pulled over the years, putting my wife on the pedestal, etc. had me feeling like I was owed something. I made all these sacrifices and I was waiting for the return. I had invested time and effort and that’s where this “care” came from. So, yet another bit of ego that needs to be removed. Sometimes I feel like I should know this already. However, 3 months in and a lifetime of bullshit to undo – it’s going to take time.

Things I did good:

OI and DNGAF has been difficult and it’s been bothering me as I should be making progress here. One evening, I said fuck it, I’m going for it. I instructed my wife to come and blow me. I looked over at her and said “Get over here and get on your knees.” “I’m not going to do that, the kids are probably still awake”. I said nothing as she made all kinds of statements about being anxious and not liking to be directed like that, just smirking anytime she’d make eye contact. After a minute or so I got bored and got up, gave her a kiss on the forehead, said “Nah, that’s OK, I’m going upstairs to read for a bit and then go to bed” I walked away as she was still going on about me making her feel like crap. Followed by a few angry texts as I was upstairs reading which I read before I went to bed and didn’t respond to any of them. I slept like a baby and woke up the next morning in a great mood. This was eye opening.

I did things my way for my wife’s birthday last week. For the first time ever, I did not ask what she wanted or tell her what was going to happen. I didn’t go overboard with gifts or activities. The kids and I baked a cake, made dinner, and made simple homemade gifts – which the kids get more out of anyways as they were more invested in the gift. Ultimately I got a nice home cooked meal, tasty cake and got to spend quality time with the kids.

Maybe it was the combination of the things above or just coincidence, but the sex and blowjobs came easily over the weekend. I found myself questioning if I was doing it for validation or if I genuinely wanted it. Looking back it feels like it was a bit of both reasons.

Things I sucked at and need to work on

Covert contracts: I’ve been thinking a lot about these lately and working to identify them in my everyday life. Why am I doing this thing that I’m doing? Is it for me or is it for someone else, to gain something from someone else? Of course I find them everywhere – at home, at work. The covert contracts where I do something to gauge my wife’s reaction are the ones I’m attempting to squash first – it hasn’t been easy.

DEERing: I found myself slipping here over the last few weeks. I know when I’m doing it when talking with my wife, am getting better at catching it and turning it around. Then, even worse, I look back on it and wonder what damage I did to my progress. My worst habit is explaining myself, especially if I feel I have a good reason. Who cares?

Work Productivity: My discipline at work sucks, it’s taken a backseat to other areas of my life. I’ve let just about everything else in life supersede my work priorities. Although I feel like I’m treading water here, I know I haven’t given it my best effort and figure it’ll come back to bite me in that ass at some point. I still show up everyday and I do what I’m asked but rarely more and continually push the limits on time spent. I like what I do, I’m paid well, but I feel bored. I’m not eager to accomplish things, I procrastinate and then try to cram at the end of the day to get stuff done. I feel like I’m waiting for something to click inside of me and bring new life. Instead it’s just been a slow downward spiral. It’s a far cry from where I was 15 years ago when I started out in this career. I was fast, efficient, always went above and beyond. I realize I’ll probably need a change at some point, but I’m dragging my feet on that as well. Resisting change is purely financially motivated.

WhiteNight200 · 2020-10-20T12:59:35+00:00

OYS #21 (Discovered MRP 3/11/19)

Stats: 35yo, 5'9", 167 lbs.

SQ: 240x1

BP: 185x1

OHP: 120x4

DL: 205x5 deloaded

Chin-ups: 10x3

Relationship: Wife 34yo, Twins 3yo. Married 12 years.

Mission

(Currently Under Renovation) Be my own man. Give of my abundance. Share my gifts and talents readily with those who are ready to appreciate them. Be the Oak to those in my care.

Study

On sidebar for third time. Not much reading last two weeks.

Physical

De-load week last week. Pushed squat on Monday back to regular sets but couldn’t finish DL sets due to back pain after squats. Did cardio instead for second half of workout.

8 hours sleep 5/7 days.

Career/Finances

No changes at work.

Trying to convince wife to set up her own IRA so we can maximize tax benefits. This is not something I can do for her.

Considering canceling our shared credit card to further separate finances. This will also allow her to build her own credit again.

Personal

Guys’ game night weekly. Went to a work party by myself and had a great time. I love the opportunity to dress up a bit. Working in scrubs everyday leaves little room for personal style.

Resigned from my church responsibilities. I enjoyed the work but can’t commit with my recent personal reservations.

Dabbled in the kitchen with some new recipes: Dulce de leche 10/10. Kids were begging for more. Dulce de leche empanadas 8/10 for taste, 2/10 for presentation. Exploded on the baking tray. Still delicious. Beef empanadas 5/10 for taste, 7/10 for presentation. Perfectly edible but nowhere close to the authentic juiciness I’m aiming for.

Family

Sat down with kids 4x over last two weeks with whiteboard to quiz/teach letters. Being mindful of their limited attention spans and watching their cues. Wife said they are starting to recognize letters on signs and in books. Progress.

Marriage

Initiated 3x first week since last OYS. Fellatio and handjob with some role-play during shark week. Felt like a big step forward here. Gave comfort after. Need to reward and reinforce good behavior.

Second week initiated 3x. “Sick”, “tired”, “headaches”, even before I initiated. I didn’t push and just did my own thing. Tried to reset the next day.

Not going to waste my time thinking about this too much. I think the first week’s behavior came mostly from pressure on the relationship and not out of genuine desire. Second week was back to status quo.

Fun and invitation 2/7 for the past week. Ego holding me back. This is a failure on my part, but I don’t think results would have been much different. I still need to practice OI.

I’m asking myself whether my wife is attracted to me, and after the last two weeks I honestly believe the answer is no. Or at least not attracted enough to do much about it.

——-

Am I attractive? Yes, at least physically, financially, fashionably. It’s the social and Game aspects I’ve had trouble with over the long-term. My leadership is still mediocre a lot of the time.

Goals this week

8 hours 7/7.

Continue deloading lower back.

Do one thing fun every night and invite wife to join.

Reset everyday. Recognize Tests and respond unautistically.

Initiate authentically 3x.

itsunclejerry · 2020-10-20T13:08:50+00:00

OYS #1 - Uh oh here we go

Stats: 41, 127lbs, 5'6", BF 15% (Navy), wife 34, daughter 3

Read: NMMNG, WISNIFG (reading)

Lifts: SQ 100lbs, BP 100lbs, ROW 100lbs (resistance bands)

Why am I here? I'm not getting the sex I want. Heck, my entire life fucked up. I'm trying to figure it out.

Physical - I have been neglecting my body for years. I'm a skinny guy and losing weight a lot. I was 146lbs with some muscle. I worked with a PT weekly. That was almost 10 years ago, before I met with my wife.

I was down with the flu for three weeks. Maybe Covid or something else. Now, it's been two weeks since I can get off of the bed. I feel healthy enough to start lifting.

Mental - I'm at my lowest confidence level I can ever remember. I let my wife walk all over me. I no longer have friends. I have been withdrawing myself from my circle of friends. Things are spiralling down.

Reading NMMNG gave me the revelation. I was a nice guy, I worked hard to be the nicest person I can be. It completely makes sense. What I become is a weasel, not nice.

I'm controlling, manipulative and dishonest.

Relationship/Sex - Non existent. It's been years since we had sex. I even tried a Rambo act. I grabbed her from the kitchen and forced myself on her. She fought back. When it ends, I don't feel satisfied.

Our relationship has been sour. We fought a lot. She's been asking for a divorce. Three times. The last time I lose my temper and said "Let's go!". The divorce didn't happen. I need to learn to STFU more.

Career/Finance - I lose my job since April. I have been living on unemployment benefits since then. I even asked money from my mom. Over 40 and still asking money from your mom. That's fucked up. I'm embarrassed.

Mission - I realized I have no mission. All my life I have been trying to please others. For now, I'm trying to reconnect with myself. Understand my needs and fulfill those needs.

Goal before my next OYS: Find my max Stronglifts, Finish WISNIFG, Get used to logistics conversation only.

ancient_resistance · 2020-10-20T13:16:51+00:00

OYS 22

Mid 30s, 5'10", 171lbs, 19%bf. Married 10 years, 4 kids ages 5-9. 5/3/1 PRs (5-rep): squat 170, bench 160, deadlift 250, ohp 95. Read NMMNG, Meditations, TWOTSM.

MENTAL

Been playing with an idea /u/Blarg_Risen gave me a few weeks back, that one of the foundations of maturity is not just how to say no, but also how to respond when the world says no to me.

I grew up thinking I had to accept “no” at face value. This might be the core of victim mindset. We all start out powerless. At first, all we can do when mom and dad say “no” is kick and scream. I stayed stuck in that even into adulthood. I would still kick and scream, only inside. Then blame everyone else for making life so miserable.

I spent so long in victim mindset it’s still kind of strange to think I have tools to deal with “no.” That I can usually get to “yes” if I put in the work.

Some “no’s” are permanent, unchangeable, and my only response is acceptance. Dad’s dead, he’s never coming back. Accept it. Not the victim-mindset forgery of acceptance—I mean real acceptance. Changing my desires and expectations fully to align with the reality in front of me.

Most “no’s” aren’t like that though. Most are “no” to this specific issue at this specific time. My response looks like short-term acceptance, that my approach didn’t work this time in this way, but that a different approach later may get to “yes.”

Here’s where I found the major obstacle to practicing this: fear of failure. As long as I’m afraid of “no” I won’t try to get to “yes.” I think part of the fear comes from how I receive “no,” not as “no” to what I want, but “no” to me as a person. Somehow I internalized it way too deep, so I ran away from anything that I wasn’t 100% sure would get a “yes.”

Practicing being my own mental point of origin, with a healthy dose of DNGAF, is the solution.

Strange to think, I’m not scared of “no” anymore. That might be the single best achievement of my MRP career to date. Not only am I not afraid of “no,” but I have confidence that I can either get to “yes” or otherwise accept the “no” without internalizing it as personal judgment.

Getting to “yes” means understanding the subtext behind the “no.” This means understanding the other person’s mental and emotional state based on their words and body language. Why did they say “no?” what do they really want? What could I give them that would make them more likely to give me what I want?

I practiced this on my wife. Took a long time to realize her feelz are all about kino and encouragement. Calibrating this from my BP roots to a more nuanced RP approach is still very much a work in progress. Too much is unattractive and too little sends a message of coldness. When I get it just right though, she’s a different person. Sunday morning she wanted to fuck in the shower, something she hasn’t wanted to do in years.

PHYSICAL

Week 3 after eye surgery for detached retina, healing up nicely, ready to get back to compound lifts by next Monday. Using this week to work myself back up to the usual intensity. Last week I did mostly cardio and free weights per doctor’s orders.

Still cutting. I want to get to 15%bf before bulking.

-AR

Stoic_Wrangler · 2020-10-20T13:25:25+00:00

OYS

Ht: 6’1 Wt: 216

Lifts:

Deload this week, last 5/3/1 AMRAP set was Squats on Friday, 280 x 11.

Mental/Thoughts/Leadership/Relationships:

This is a mouthful below, and just some observations the past few months.

I went out to dinner with my gf’s parents the other night and it was so clear who is the leader in that relationship. I told my girl last night “it’s very obvious that your parents and my parents interact with each other differently.” She agrees. I then asked, “your mom never puts down your dad in public does she?” My gf, goes “No, never.”

Just little things I observe. Her father is a higher up sales guy, networks like a mofo, knows everyone in the city and has the Town Mayor game down to a pat. He just makes decisions when we are out – where we are going to eat, what to order, what for dessert, etc.

It made me very reflective on observing my parent’s relationship through the years.

My observation about both sets of parents has, again, made me realize how important the fundamentals are. Me, ranting to myself, what I think is most important now in being a leader:

Frame – frame, frame, frame – after having seen the effects of getting bigger and stronger and the “low hanging fruit” wins that come with being more attractive…they only go so far. Frame is by far and away the most important part of all of this to leading in life, work, relationships…everything. It becomes clearer and clearer to me every day how being one’s own mental point of origin is the key to all of this and for it to work.
Lift – this is obvious
STFU – don’t let the little things and emotional whims of your woman, or anyone you interact with deter you. Best to just STFU
Establish AND ENFORCE boundaries – there is a fine line between letting little things go and not letting transgressions go unnoticed
Leading a life of discipline – #4 is only valid if one does this. No one likes lazy people, they are useless. Make a plan and STICK to it, and don’t be affected by the whims of your emotional state towards something (“whahh I don’t want to get up early”)
Have hobbies outside of work – do something that excites you!
Have guy friends – ones that push and challenge you

If I could take stock of what I am doing right and wrong now, I would say I have everything except for #4 down….which would mean #1 is still very much a work in progress. I don’t let little jokes or jabs affect me, they just roll off my back at this point, but I feel that at some point I will have to realize that I have done the work necessary to be able to overtly say “stop doing this” or “we are doing this” or “I don’t like it when you do this, stop it.” I know there is a fear in there somewhere that I am pussy-footing around.

Leadership:

I waiver between IDGAF at work (in a bad way, like checked out) and having a strong desire to lead a team. I think I deep down crave the challenge and intricacies that come with leadership. I still think there is potential for me to go down that path of leadership. More on that below.

Some examples:

Example 1:

For years, I have been doing tutoring/private lessons/coaching all related to music as a side income. I have suspected for some time that this was the case, but it has really been hitting me in the face recently: I receive what I put into lessons.

95% of the time, when I am engaged, prepared, present, and on my game in my teaching, my students seem to play better and the lesson is 10000x more enjoyable on both of our ends. I don’t check the clock every 5 minutes and I feel more invested in my students.

Conversely, when I am checking my phone and being resentful at my students for not practicing (i.e. I’m being a shitty leader), the lesson time drags and I question why I am even doing this.

Example 2:

I spent a full month at home with my family in May. I have not been home that long of a stretch of time for close to 10 years.

I come from a big family and have a bunch of younger brothers. One of my brothers is 16 and really involved in HS Soccer and has been loosely following his strength and conditioning template from his team.

During the time in which I was home, he started lifting more frequently, asking me questions and even had me write him a program (I even got him to start front squatting). I am 100% sure that this was due to him NOT having me lecture him why lifting is good (which I have done with my other brothers for YEARS in the past with no change), but by him actually seeing me lifting daily in our garage gym, waking up early to read, and coming out of the garage soaked in sweat after lifting or conditioning on my lunch breaks.

Bottom line and thoughts on mission:

I saw a clip of something Jim Wendler said recently, something that he wrote an article in regard to getting players to buy into a strength program. It is loosely summarized as thus: “as a coach, you MUST exhibit and hold yourself to a higher level of discipline than what you expect of your athletes if you ever want them to listen to you.” This was like a 2x4 that hit me in the face and it is so obvious that it bears repeating. If I EVER want people to take me seriously as a leader in relationships, life, work….anything, I need to hold myself to a higher standard than what I expect of anyone else.

The stuff I have been writing about in my past OYS are extremely important to me like lifting big #s and paying off my debt but they are very much surface level-goals of a much larger mission that I am still trying to figure out. I don’t want to say that I like the effect of leadership per se in that I like people following me. I know that leads to a massive covert contract since it legitimately relies on our other people to react to me.

No, more so, I enjoy whatever activity I am doing 1000x more when I am leading. I don’t know the true “reason” why and frankly, the “why” doesn’t even matter. The fact is I am way more engaged in every activity I do and I simply enjoy it more and am present.

Last year, when I started OYS, I was feeling very close to pulling the trigger and just quitting teaching and then there are days now where I am super engaged with my students and feel like this could lead to something greater. Same with my day job.

The fact that I feel so up and down towards it tells me that my footing on “what I want” is still very much unclear, but I think this is a step in the right direction towards identifying my mission. What I do doesn’t really matter, I just know that I am searching for engagement and that comes from my own work and within me. I am still trying to figure this out, but I think things are starting to become more clear.

Jupi_ter · 2020-10-20T13:48:22+00:00

36YO, wife 39YO, 1 kid (6)

Lifts (5x5) - SQ 200, DL 210, BP 140, OHP 110, ROW 135

Height: 6’2’ Weight: 187 Pounds

Goal review at bottom

Readings: Everything in the Sidebar except 48 Laws and SGM. Several multiple times.

Current readings: N/A

General

I’m definitely going through phase 2 anger as describer HERE. There have been moments when I’ve been furious with my self for putting up with my shit. The positive is that it’s not uncontrolled and un-directed, I’m figuring out the actual meaning of the word commitment and learning to use it across my life.

Broadly I begin to savour the possibility for improvement and change and transformation across all aspect of my life and that energises me a great deal.

Mission

My mission right now is being a successful and accomplished entrepreneur, getting control over my body (health and look), building a successful sports team, learn to chill out and enjoy doing all of that.

Actually, I’m really loving all of that, but I think my intensity level can be too high, and that can push people away from me. This is something I need to work on, I’ll discuss below in “Leadership”.

Relationship

Sex OK, all good at home.

Fixing my marriage is no longer a goal. It was the number one goal for years and years, and right now it’s just not. I don’t hate my wife, I don’t ignore her or not look after her, but I am clear I don’t want the responsibility of obtaining certain outcomes from her.

I used to wonder how does one develop dread level 5 (too busy for an un-fulfilling partnership), now I’m there I finally understand it’s just a consequence of correct priority setting, not an active strategy. The discussion on the stupidity of dread as a strategic framework has been clarified in the past year, and I’m on board with that view. In practice, I’m not too busy for my wife, I have time for her (some), but in terms of focus, my focus is elsewhere.

I am certain I’ll be able to look back and say “Hey Jupi_ter you need to lead if you want some outcomes here”, i.e. you gotta commit. But right now I just don’t seem to care. I’m not fantasising about strange, I’m not dreaming of liberation by divorce or any of that, I am just very comfortable with the things I need to do for my self, and that feels wholly fulfilling.

Also working to move away from the thoughts of “how she should be different”, the more I think about it, the more that seems completely pointless. When people want to bring value to one another, they are different.

Leadership

I’ve for a long time now been in position of leadership, mostly it just came through force of character, no particular skill or talent for it. I’m now for the first time in my life learning how to direct and lead my self. It’s patchy, there is a lot to do, but I think the future is bright.

These are some of the aspects I need to develop to take leadership to the next level (this applies at work, in sports, social life, home):

Body language and demeanour. Right now I’m not focussed on this, but 1 year ago I experimented with all the basics, upright, hands down, slow speech, pauses, grounded. It made a very significant difference in how ppl interacted with me;
Emotional control. I have occasional spikes of anger at some shitty situation, sometimes it’s subtle, but ppl always detect it. This is the number 1 enemy of effective leadership. It displays weakness and I’ve always noticed people being much more withdrawn/doubtful after any such display.
Consistency/commitment. This is something I have a hard time putting my finger on, but I would say any time I’m not owning my shit, I know it, my people know, it and it diminishes my leadership capabilities. I always know the difference between “good enough” and “not owning my shit”. I may be projecting, but the fact I’ve not owned my shit makes me insecure, and that always shows. I have zero poker face in that regard.

Body/Fitness

Diet is 100% dialled in. All meal prepped. Lifts are going up much more easily than past time (except OHP). My form is better overall too, but I will get a coach to do monthly reviews. I really fucked up on form in the past and I do not want to repeat.

The one lift where my form must have problems is Barbell Row. My stomach is bothered after I do rows. I researched but I have yet to figure this out.

Chill out

There is a lot of energy in me, direction, focus, trial and error, eagerness to improve. I need to balance all of this with a more chilled out outlook. I'm not sure how to turn this into a plan. I relaxed plenty this summer, but that was a pause in ambition, not a deep calm within.

This weeks’ objectives:

Maintain a calm outlook throughout each day (Journaled);
Meditate every day;
Gym 3X week;
Nutrition 100% for 6/7 days;

JCX_Pulse · 2020-10-20T16:13:21+00:00

10/20/20 OYS #47

34 5’10 180 (-5) 11% BF Separated

READ: NNMG x3, Subtle Art x2, MMSLP, MAP, 31 Days to Masculinity, SGM, TRM, WISNIFG, TWOTSM, The Unchained Man, The Book of Pook, The Obstacle is the Way, Ultimate Alpha (waste of time), Let Your Inner Alpha Loose, Alpha Male, What Women Want When They Test Men, Find Your Path, Open Her, As you are

READING: Millionaire Next Door, TWOTSM (round 2)

Lifts:

Down 5lbs from pre-covid weight. Hung out with some old gym buddies who said my arms are smaller. Fuck that, going ham now.

Social:

Nothing to report.

Financial/Career:

Boss fucked my co-worker and I over for a promotion. He claimed we had to check off 3 things to get it. The boxes were checked, he got promoted, but decided not to promote either of us without explanation. In fact, he hasn’t even told me that I won’t be getting one. I heard it through someone else instead.

This pissed me off. He’s always been a pussy with no backbone (reminds me of my old self, which is why I hate it more) but I’ve reached my limit here. I no longer respect him, trust him, or want to work for him. I’ve made it my goal to take his job. I’ll be confronting him this week on why I’m not getting a promotion. There’s a small chance it’s just because the business won’t let him do it off-cycle, but I’m still pissed. If anyone has any comments on this, I’m open to suggestions.

I didn’t get the two side gigs I applied for, so I applied for more. This promotion fuck over had me double down on getting my side business up. Fortunately a buddy reached out and offered me some work even though he had no idea I was planning this. I continue to apply for side gigs as well.

Mission/Goals:

Live a free and authentic life.

Mental:

I found out about the promotion snub last Thursday. I was extremely pissed off for an hour or two before I settled down and got my senses back. This is an improvement in emotional control for me. I never threw myself a pity party (which is usually my go-to) and instead doubled down on a large project I have starting up this week. I met with the vendor Monday and plainly stated how important quality meant to me on this project. I intend to make it stand-out and use it as a launching point to spread my name throughout the company.

I’ve been extremely content over the past few weeks. I want to build and drive a side business, but I’m actually more at peace than I have been in a very long time. This led me to see that my (impending) divorce is actually the best thing that’s happened to me. I relish my freedom, the lack of stress in my daily life, and do not miss how mental I was trying to keep up with a woman who just didn’t give two fucks about me. I think about her less and less and the emotional detachment is 99% gone. Perhaps that 1% always stays because it’s someone you married or whatever gay shit people want to claim, but I want to burn out that last 1% and pave over it with new pussy.

ThreeKindsofLucky and CloudyPirate have been asking me really good questions over the past two weeks of OYS and it’s helped contain a lot of the mental masturbation I do. For instance, last week I again spoke about dating and blah blah, but after Lucky chimed in I realized, man, fuck that, I like me, I like where I’m at, I like what I’m doing, I hate my boss, but I’m in a fanastic mental and physical state right now. I want to relish in this feeling forever, so I will.

One final note, I did slack off a little too much over the past two weeks as I focused too much on feeling good and not much else. I fucked up my sleep and while my diet, food wise, was on point, I still wasn’t eating enough. I fixed that starting Monday by meal prepping for the week and getting to bed early Sunday and Monday night to start good habits. I’ve been skipping my morning walks, so that is starting up again as well. Thanks to all you great fucking men who help me help myself each and every week.

BootySlayer911 · 2020-10-20T16:20:32+00:00

OYS 11

46, stbx 43, 2 kids 7 & 8; 6'1 175lbs, BF still 20% with calipers: SQ 135 OP 85 DL 225 BP 125 BR 130, hit the heavy bag until tired, sauna and steamroom: eating fish, steak, protein shakes, eggs daily, fruit, yams, beans, coffee, 3 sips of red wine

Physical In the gym almost daily, I really have to at this point to feel good and sleep, but schedule going to require finishing my home gym its taking too much time to drive back and forth to the gym daily; I just need a rack and a bench, already have 300 lb weight set; diet clean, I did pour a glass of wine for a girl and myself, took a couple sips and no big deal didn't want anymore; the point being self control, its not the alcohol that's been the problem in my past, its been me being a weak asshole. Same with the sex and general addictive behavior.

Have not looked at porn or jerked off since October 11th. Another self indulgent and self destructive behavior that I should have rid my life of years ago. The benefits are obvious; I honestly think my voice is deeper since I stopped. It really improves everything when you start directing your energy the right way.

Family Appointment to see my children scheduled for 11/4, exactly one year to the day since the last time I saw them 11/4/19. The counselor said my youngest is excited to see me, but my 8 year old is more reserved; God knows what the stbx has been saying to them about me. My dad had a cardiac arrest and is in a unit back in my home town; I'm likely going to have to come see him while I still can. I hope he can see his only grandkids again before he dies.

Divorce Had a status conference with the judge yesterday; stbx attorney pushed for a two day trial, apparently they have witnesses lines up around the corner to testify what a miserable abusive asshole I am. My attorney pushed for a 3 hour trial and we got it. The judge said how important it is that "we" try to agree on as much as possible to save time and money. Anyway the trial is set for February, I have until then to get my finances as strong as possible: I get the strategy of keeping my income low to minimize child support etc, but at this point my fucking life is going by and I need to build as much wealth as possible.

Career One of my former colleagues is a manager at the company I'm working as a contractor at. He helped me get an interview a while back, didn't pan out. Well he contacted another recruiter who reached out to me, and I have my third interview next week. If I get the job it will triple my pay, full benefits and everything. Its funny how much easier it is to do well in interviews now that I'm sober and healthy, I almost look forward to them in a way. The handyman business has been crazy busy last few weeks, I'm going to have to hire a virtual assistant to do crm stuff, and I'm talking to a couple of coaches. I get the joke about coaches, but I would like someone to check in and make sure I'm hitting my goals with. I'm up at 6 every day not stopping until 11pm, almost non stop work and movement. The point of all this is I was unemployed and in financial straits just a few weeks ago; money is still tight, but things are improving. Mostly because of this place and what I've learned and continue to learn.

Women Dry spell is over; banged a 5 I met on FB dating; she's a petite redhead, pretty cute face but body sucks. I still fucked her as aggressively as possible and was kind of dominant with her I guess; I used the word "Daddy" alot and spanked her ass and she seemed to like it. She didn't like it when I stuck my finger in her ass though. Go figure. Going out for coffee tonight with a 6, both these girls are in their 40s and not really that hot but right now I'm grateful for the interaction. Its not like I'm Monsieur Hot Shit either, fuck I'm late for work.

ImpatientZen · 2020-10-20T16:31:52+00:00

OYS #22

40, 6’0 194(+5)lbs, Married 15 years, wife 40, son 6yo.

OYS 101

Recent lifts: SQ350x1, BP250x1, PR170x2, DL445x1.

Read: Most things twice. WISNIFGx4 and NMMNGx3. Currently Pook and Unchained Man.

STFU: Progressing.

Basics: no porn, no fap, no alcohol all fine. It’s been months now.

This week I found it hard to not make this a journal, but actually own something. I am much better than when I came here. But I don’t want to get lazy it become an excuse to stop progressing.

Mindset

Back on the up and up. Really understanding that provider stuff means f*ck all in arousal, desire etc., and thus my ROI there is absolutely awful. Definitely put some things in their place.

Listening to the Unchained Man has been interesting, having someone else verbalizing the things I’ve been thinking (and writing) about for a while. I just don’t see how monogamy and modern marriage can be a decent deal for me. I should’ve just been smarter about the women and opening my marriage way back when I first started realizing this - but guilt and shame got in the way. Thank God for NMMNG and WISNIFG.

Everything is kind of converging in a world-view where my philosophical leanings, spiritual experiences and MRP-truths click into place, which is both cool and scary. This week I have gotten ever closer to freeing myself and realizing that my own happiness is a choice I make, not contingent on much else.

Game and sex

Upping the alpha is my game right now. Finding back to my natural state of confidence, assertiveness, “selfishness”. It feels good, without the guilt and shame - at least mostly. I catch myself when it happens, and recognize the bodily sensations and move on, happy and carefree. Often even welcoming those reactions and finding them funny - that a couple of sentences from a random person can trigger those responses. It also makes life easier. “What do I want to do?” And then that’s what I do.

One thing I often want to do lately is fuck. So I have had sex when I wanted and wife is increasingly submissive. Not enthusiastic, but less resistant to dirty stuff. I have increasingly gotten out of my head here and am just fucking when/how I feel like it, which has meant at least once a day on average. Quality isn’t amazing. Re-read that post on validation and sex. Still can’t figure out where my semi boredom here comes from, but action is they way.

Social, spiritual, family

These parts of my life are pretty awesome all in all.

Good stuff with the kid, including active sports stuff. I felt a lack of friends where I live now. I maintain current ones virtually, but I’m finding it less satisfying as you can’t DO anything. That said, I appreciated some alone-time this weekend to reflect, hang out, get some stuff done.

I did invest time in the Zen Dojo. I attended a a fascinating talk that helped some of the realizations I’ve had lately, building my philosophy and worldview. Consistency in morning meditation improved. Didn’t go to as many sessions at the Dojo as I’d have liked.

Physical

Diet ended this week. Was starting to get a bit tough. BW started to bounce back. I have lost somewhere between 0,5-1lb/week, not a great ROI. Makes sense, it wasn’t really too restrictive or meticulous. Trying to find minimum effective amount of suck in getting where I want to be, so two changes for next time: daily weigh-ins and more controlled weekends.

Lifting and running has been fine, partially fueled by more kcals.

Work

Generally lots of successes, new big deals underway etc. Things are good. Keeping hours down around 40/week has been doable. I want to get them down further. 35 might be a decent mid term goal. I have been letting this slide for too long, messing around too many hours, not being effective.

People-wise I am still working through some things. Troublesome employee continues to be an excellent teacher. I don’t always pick up on the little ways my strategy is undermined, and I am too Nice and full of ego. That stuff runs deep. Between her and the wife I have plenty of sparring. Both of them I want to fire on occasion, but in reality working with them is fantastic practice at this stage. And employee provides lots of value in other areas and is improving.

DeWittorComstock · 2020-10-20T16:44:12+00:00

OYS

Age - 36, Height - 5'9", 179 Lbs, Bench - 165 x 5, Squat - 215 x 5, Deadlift - 225 x 5, Married 7 years (together 10), 2 Daughters - 2, baby

Starting back from scratch after a long hiatus. Stopped posting in OYS when I started seeing a shrink and started making some progress with my mental state. Thought I was done with the shrink once the lockdowns started but then found out just how much I sucked during lockdown. Highlights include getting sent to the hospital after having a panic attack due to stress, stopped taking care of myself, and let my emotions regularly get the best of me.

Physical

My goal is to be able to look in the mirror and say "fuck ya". I never use to care about my appearance and I would do the minimum to keep it at acceptable levels. This was really just low self esteem eating away at me and I would focus more on flaws than anything else. My mindset has finally changed, and I want to be proud of what I see in the mirror.

So how am I going to do this? Start by focusing on lifting and dieting. I started calorie county back up two weeks ago and I am already down 2 lbs. I am focusing on the high protein diet from Bigger Leaner Stronger, and I gotta say I feel 10x better with this diet then I ever have with previous diets. Current goal is to get down to 170. I have also started the lifting program from the book with a new focus on intensity and getting shit down. I use to fuck around while lifting and worry more about numbers than the act. I am now treating lifting like a meditation session and working on staying focused on those weights for 45 minutes and nothing else. So far its working great and its helping me set the tone for the rest of my day.

Mental

If my physical appearance matched my mental state then I would be about 350 lbs and covered in zits. While I do not outwardly express my emotions much, they cloud my mind when I get stressed and pessimism and nihilism are still two primary operating modes for me. Add to this that my focus is almost as bad as my toddlers and the need to validation seeps into almost all my actions and it is amazing that I am a functioning adult at times.

So what am I going to do to change this? Get back to basics. Currently re-reading No More Mr Nice Guy and focusing on applying the lessons in the book. The past 3 times I read it I was more focused on finishing the book than on application and it shows. Why read this again? Will this time be the charm? Well, honestly, it has been a while since I read the book and I forgot what I needed to focus on to help overcome this ridiculous need for validation. I also figure this book will help me get back into the mindset of focusing on fixing my shit so I can start making progress again. The current goal is to figure out why things went so wrong during quarantine after I thought I was getting better.

Getting What I want

It is getting a little easier each day to make my needs a priority, but this is still a huge challenge for me. Half the time I do not know what I want, the other half I half a nagging voice in the back of my head is telling me that I should feel bad for wanting something. The voice is quieter then it use to be, but it gets pretty loud when I am stressed out.

So what I am doing? Start simple by making more time for my hobbies. This has been challenging because I waste most of my free time reading useless shit on the internet. I thought I enjoyed doing this, but I have come to realize I only really did it for the quick dopamine hit and to feed my ego. I usually read stuff focused on pessimistic crap that would give me a false sense of control and understanding while creating dopamine by feeding my imagination. I am now working on using that free time to read things for my mental development (either the side bar or books with stuff I can apply to hobbies) and my wargaming hobby. My current goal is to finish building one of my armies by the end of the month. I am not going to set a completion date for NMMNG because that will probably lead me to not doing the necessary work in an attempt to finish the book. I figure that book will take as long as it needs to, but I will set aside at least 30 minutes a day to reflect and read.

Marriage

Things are a mess right now. I would call my marriage more of a business arrangement between friends. We function together, but things are lacking. My wife is a neurotic mess and our bedroom is basically dead. I think I have accepted things the way they are, and I realize I made this mess, so its up to me to live with it. I want to say "fix it" but that is not a productive mindset. I am trying to focus on fixing myself and let the cards fall where they may with my marriage. I am the source of all the problems, so it does not make sense right now to worry about anything else but me. I think the greatest challenge for me is that I do enjoy making my wife happy, but I am having trouble determining if that is for validation or from a place of caring. Seeing as I have very little abundance in other parts of my life right now, I am betting my desire to make her happy is to keep things smooth and get that sweett external validation.

So what am I going to do? First thing first, focus on getting out of her frame. How will I do this? I know I have started pushing back when she is bitchy, but I am not sure if this is DEERing or establishing boundaries. Since I am failing, I am going to try focusing on the basics and STFU without being autistic and remind myself that her emotions are not my responsibility. 101 shit I know, but I stopped doing this during quarantine for some stupid ass reason so I need to get back too it.

Family

I would say tings are going ok on this front. Therapy helped me come to terms with some worries I had about not being a good father, and things are going well with the second kid. I know at one point I wanted to make my kids my mission, but after some reflecting, this seems like a bad idea. I know that the best thing I can do for them is set a good example and be a positive masculine force in their life. I was hoping that making them my mission would motivate me, but in reality, it was a shitty way of offloading the burden of performance onto them. I need to be my best for me and only me.

So what I am going to do? Focus on fixing my shit while providing a firm guiding hand for my kids. Also, I plan on playing with them as much as possible. I am having way to much fun rough housing with my oldest daughter and I am not looking forward to the day where she wants to do other things.

Work

I recently came to the realization that my approach to work was filled with shitty covert contracts and seeking validation from my bosses. Once I removed the validation aspect from work I was left asking myself why I even bother with it all.

So what am I going to do about it? Give less fucks about work, put in my 8 hours and then enjoy the rest of my day.

Social

I am not satisfied with my social life. While the quarantine makes it hard to get out of the house, I do have friends who are willing to hang out in person. I have just been failing to make the time for them.

So what am I going to do about it? Not sure yet. Weekdays are pretty slammed and the next few weekends are booked with family for everyone I know. I coordinating with people now, but nothing is set yet.

dust2dust45 · 2020-10-20T17:00:23+00:00

OYS#1

I'm hoping to keep this up for the next year and see what happens. Commitment is a problem and the first thing I plan on owning. I tried this before and stopped for weak reasons. Time to actually do the work for once.

Stats

Married 16 years, 3kids,

Reading/ Read: Sidebar,

Age: 36

Weight: 233 BF: 33%

Height: 6.1

Mission:

To be a self sufficient, resilient, and creative man with a command over his finances and health and a strong leader to his wife and family.

Health:

I'm fat.

Never really considered my self as fat. I was a bean pole (180lb) for most of high school into college. But years of poor decisions with diet and exercise add up and at 36 I am 50lbs heavier than I was when I met my wife and when I was in the best shape of my life. I know I can't just write off any of that weight as muscle, I need to prove it first and get my body fat down and my lifts up. Plan is to do intermittent fasting on a 20:4 schedule weekdays and a 16:8 schedule on weekends and holidays. Also going to try to reduce carbs when the option is there.

I'm out of shape too.

Used to be able to run half marathons and press my body weight. I now get winded when I chase my kids around the house. I need to get a gym membership or at the very least swing my kettlebells more often. A home gym is the distant plan. Looking to incorporate cycling as well. For a brief point back in 2014 I was at 200lbs cycling helped with that. But I'm still pathetically untrained when it comes to lifting.

I'm injured.

Multiple dislocations on the right side. knee and shoulder aren't because I was carless they are because I never built the body I should have had that would allow me to be physically active. I fucked around in high school instead of working out during puberties' testosterone boost. Each injury over the years was me trying hard to do something my body wasn't able to do. I do not want to be like the hundreds of obese or frail people I see day in and day out in my line of work and in general.

I also developed a hernia during the first part of the spring this year. I will be getting a surgery to fix this shortly (pre op consultation is in two weeks.) But the process will definitely make getting into shape harder at first than if I was healthy, but then again if I was healthy and in shape I wouldn't be in this mess. Got to start somewhere, the bottom is as good a place as any.

The goal is to get somewhere between 180 and 200lbs, 10% body fat, able to run 10km, and able lift progressively heavier weights 250lb press and 350lb squat, etc. I honestly don't know what I guy my size and age should be lifting. That's why I am here.

Wealth:

I'm in debt. 30000.00 + to be exact.

I make 67000.00 a year and my wife makes 65000.00 we are finally paying off our credit cards. got one of four done and are living comfortably with savings. that doesn't mean the looming 30000.00 in debt is a non issue. I want to be financially independent and am working on getting multiple streams of income in. I need to stop spending money each day and start saving/ investing. Plan on doing Dave Ramsey's money makeover.

The end goal is a simple downtown condo once the kids leave the house and a lake house or cottage on a fully funded retirement. One where I can do what I want, when I want. I also want the financial freedom should I ever have to face a divorce, which seems to happen a lot with this crowd. The truth is I don't know if my wife would ever consider it or not. If it does I need to be in a place to take care of me and my kids. That place is not where I am right now.

Writing:

What constitutes the most coherent part of my mission. I discovered writing a few years back and now know it is what I am meant to do. I have fiction and non fiction works self published. I want to have this activity be one of if not the main income streams I have. I currently have a day job that I enjoy and helps with the writing, But if I could write all day I would and not think twice about it. I'm apart of enough networks to make this a reality I just need to focus more on it.

I need 500-2000 words a day to do this, I want to write every week day without fail, like a day job, but currently do it in spurts.

From the time I started to right now I should have had somewhere between 15-60, 50000 word books written, I currently have 12 and they are nothing to boast about most at sub 20000 words. If I want to make this my living, I need to be more disciplined and get more words written, edited, and published.

The goal is to write every week day to build a sustaining writing habit, whether self published or traditionally published doesn't matter yet. I need written books either way so I need to get after it. Part of my Redpill reading is going to be books on writing to keep that saw sharp.

Intimacy:

The main reason I'm here. I have been married for almost two decades and my enjoyment of the relationship is a complicated beast. I am intoxicated by my wife's body and the kind of sex we've had to date has been great, when it happens. But I know the reason we are currently in a sexless marriage is because I've let myself go and am no longer the kind of guy worth having wild passionate sex with. Right now we are having sex 12-15 times a year. I want it at least once a week. The reason I want it once a week is because I never really had it with anyone else and don't plan on having it with anyone else just to get my needs met. I like my wife and the sex we have, adultery isn't an option neither is open relationships or hall passes. I want a working sex life and I'm fairly sure the reason mine is broke is because I'm a soft.

We are done having kids (Vasectomy) and before I start needing to take a little blue pill to even enjoy porn I plan on fixing this so we can enjoy each other well into our old age.

And yes you read that right. I use porn. It's a habit I plan on breaking during this process too. Always been able to stop for months at a time, but I come crawling back when I'm too bored and not getting enough from my wife. This stops now. It's not the kind of sex I want. Not the kind of culture I want to support. I see where the world is heading with sex dolls and cam girls and I don't want any part of it. I have resources to help with this and a religious method to follow.

The goal is to have a meaningful, free, non-negotiated, desire filled sex life with my wife. One where I get what I need and give what she needs.

arm_candy · 2020-10-20T17:35:35+00:00

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red-sfpplus · 2020-10-20T19:26:24+00:00

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sodarishnod · 2020-10-20T22:50:04+00:00

OYS #26 (10/19)

Stats: 50, wife 49, 4 kids - 21, 19, 12, 11. Not serious for the first 16 months. Got serious on 8/3/20. Drunk Captain with First Mate who emotionally left the ship a long time ago.

5’11”, 186 lbs, BF 19% (Navy Method). BP fail 3x at 220, deloading. 3x10 for: Squat 190, OHP 115 w max of 165, DL 180, Row 125

Reading Red Queen and restarted NMMNG again, taking notes this time. Also restarted Rian’s commentary. Read Models, WOTSM, PFS, MAP, NMMNG (3x), RM, MMSLP (2x), WISNIFG (3x), SGM and went thru Blue PillProf’s 101 video series.

PHYS: Shoulder pain came back and stopped bench progress. Deloading and adding more dumbbells and flys. Adjusted work-out time now that the youngest is in school everyday. Busiest time for racks, though. Decided to bring a laptop and work in the waiting room, rather than wait.

WORK: Today was the most productive day in weeks. Changed my routine to do email sweep and prioritize before jumping in to tasks. Prioritization includes value, time sensitivity, risk/opportunity, and I just added mission-related. Divide by effort and I get ROI. I sort my tasks descending and just start. Today I found that I need to feel like I am already productive before 9 AM.

I also listed all my current income-producing work items, then added the Hedgehog concept and scored each of the three categories. It confirmed my hunch that I’m really only interested in about half my work, and shed some light on what I’m passionate about AND can make good money from.

RELA: No change. I initiated kino or sex four times and strong no/pull away each time. I was more up and down this week, and it showed a time or two with sarcasm. There’s times I truly do not give a fuck, but three hours later be upside down again. I am seeing that I’m more centered around her than I realized. It’s deeper than I saw.

As long as wife is the center and I have no frame, nothing changes and nothing else really matters.

MENTAL: I came across some MRP posts from 3-5 year back on Elements of Frame and How to Lead a Wife that Doesn’t Let You. Great help for the work I have to do on vision, mission and frame. I’m getting out of her frame, but I don’t have something solid for a True North and so I become erratic. Followed advice from Model to go out and ask several females the time. I thought it would be easy, but I became pretty uptight in the moments leading up to it.

I joined Rian’s Patron because I realized that his are the only content that I can always listen too without information overload or hubris or whatever. And I realized that I just really appreciated him. He’s boss and doesn’t act like it. This small act of investment just because I liked something lead to other investment choices for me, such as contacting an EMDR therapist, finding live NMMNG groups, and scheduling a therapeutic massage (a surprise recommendation, I think from MMSLP).

Peeling back from Wife as The Center or other ways of avoiding a big boy life, I see that there's a lot of anxiety that I didn't have to face if I just made her script to follow.

Part of my daily anxiety is the edge of success. That is what’s hard for me. Failure, no problem. In fact, serves me right (in my fucked up self-loathing). Easy success, no problem, because I don’t actually have to make hard decisions with limited resources. Even stupid decisions will make money in good times. But the possibility of success (and therefore no easy excuses for failure) is freaking hard, and something I’ve never had to deal with before as a business owner (nor much opportunity to struggle this way as an FTE)

Also, from all the books and videos and videos about the books, I find that hearing more and more about what sex is and/or should be (or could have been, for the last 25 years) is very, very hard. At first I was aware, then bummed. Now I find myself pissed off, resentful. I mentally know it’s all my fault (still sucks), and perhaps owning it emotionally will help? I don’t know. Right now, it just sucks in so many ways.

An old AskMRP reply to a question I asked on Vision said I don’t need books, I should just meditate and find out myself. So, after two apps I didn’t like, I restarted the one I did.

It’s been insightful to re-read comments and feedback from weeks or months. I missed a LOT the first time I read them.

jjj2576 · 2020-10-21T00:01:25+00:00

OYS #1

Stats: 30 Years Old, 6' 2", 215 lbs, 24% (Navyt Body Fat-- I'm a fatty), No Kids, LTR since Feb 2020

I want to grow into a man of value-- I want to have more value tomorrow than I have today. I will divide my OYS's into Body, Mind, & Soul (Looks, Assets, & Game respectively) as this is what makes sense to me.

I was married for 3 years-- got a divorce after the marriage exploded. In an LTR now, which has enriched my life-- if the relationship starts to hinder my life, I know I will leave. I made a lot of mistakes in the past, and I want to grow from them.

Body...

Lifts (3x10): Bench-- 175 lbs, Squat-- 375 lbs, Deadlift-- 240 lbs

I started lifting again in May 2019. I lost a great deal of progess during COVID, using it as an excuse to not lift between mid-March 2020 through early-July 2020. Pre-Covid my Body Fat was 20%-- it blows my mind how much eating crap and not lifting can damage my body. I have been consistently going to the gym twice a week-- I need to stop screwing around and be consistent with this.

Looks: I need a haircut, but can get away for another week. I have some laundry that needs folded-- don't want my clothes getting wrinkly. Nothing major to report.

Body Goal: Consistently go to the gym 3-4 times in the upcoming week. Establish a plan for doing so consistently, analyze why I have not been doing so.

Mind...

Books: TRM (Volume 1 & 2), NMMNG, WISNIG, Book of Pook, 48 Laws of Power, How to Win Friends and Influence People, Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.

Current Reads: Dune (Always read one fun novel, while reading self-improvement texts), The Way of the Superior Man, The Sex God Method, TRM (Vol 3).

Reading Backlog: MAP & The Coddling of the American Mind.

I accidentally got a job using SAS & SQL to create actionable reports for a company-- I have no idea why they hired me. It pays decently (49k, I'll get bumped to 55k next year), but I need to step it up. I don't know either coding language very well, and my educational background is in Secondary English Education & Analytic Philosohpy. I feel like the dumb kid in the smart class a lot of the time-- I can tell I am the weakest link on my team, because I lack the same competency as my coworkers. I am by no means a "bad" employee, but I do not like not being the mack daddy of the team like I have been with other roles.

Mind Goal: Continue chipping away at RP books consistently. Read more of Dune, instead of watching bullshit television or playing videogames. Career: Develop a basic understanding of VBA for an Excel Project OR convince Strategic Leader to get rid of Excel Report so I can show off my Tableau skills.

Soul...

Mission: I will help others grow and find fufillment. In order to do this, I must first do it for myself.

Frame: I don't have a sticky way of phrasing this, and I should. I am a tenacious fellow who likes to enjoy the simple beauties in life: whether it be a weird slug hanging out on my LTR's dog's shit or just a good ol' fashioned pun.

Hobbies: Tarot Reading, Dungeons & Dragons, Blues Dancing, Cooking.

I have been on a soup kick recently-- oddly enough, Bacon isn't the best base for every soup. Who knew? I am looking to expand into Japanese cuisine, but I need to find a dish to practice with my LTR this weekend that will expand what I own in my pantry.

I have a reading scheduled for tonight-- Unpaid, but I know I have the ability to turn this into a side gig. I need more practice, and am shaking off the L of a bad reading. Its just an introductory reading using the Rider-Waite Smith (Standard Deck), so I shouldn't have any issues.

Blues Dancing has been shat on with COVID-- I need to practice Solo Blues

D&D is going well-- I'm in two biweekly campaigns that alternate weeks. It allows me to connect to old friends who live far away, and we are managing to restart our Gothic Horror Campaign this Friday that has been on pause. Friday is too plump of a night for D&D-- I need to see if we can shift it to a less valuable day.

Emotionally I have been solid. On 10-27-2019, my ex-wife had her hands around my throat, and now I'm here. I started reading RP material in Summer 2019, but I don't know how fully I internalized it. I thought I did. But if I really did, then I would have left her then OR when she cheated on me with a woman OR when she told her coworkers I was bipolar OR when she slandered me to my best mate OR and the list goes on and on.

I fear that I may not have actually grown-- last year I believed I did, but my marriage ended in December 2020 with my ex-wife giving me a black eye and telling the cops that I beat her. I was arrested, and moved to a different state. I was the idiot who put himself in that situation. I was the AFC who was LARPing RP, Ramboing, and acting like I was hot shit due to some quick muscle games and spark noting Rollo.

Soul Goals: Set aside 20-30 minutes for Solo Blues Practice. Set aside 30 minutes to study Tarot cards that I pull less frequently and have less content knowledge of. Enjoy simple beauties with LTR with an Action Activity/Date-- if nothing comes to mind, I'll surprise her with a mini-Blues or Swing lesson.

AquitasVeritas · 2020-10-21T11:06:06+00:00

OYS #16

Stats: 6'1, 84,0 18%? Fat Married. 1 Daughter of 5 years. I'm 29, wife 29. Married for 6 years. DL: 110 kg / BP: 100 kg / SQ: 110 kg / OHP: 50 kg??

Lifting program : Buff dude's workout plan. Just dumbells and a bench (bought it due to covid).

Reading:
Mindful Attraction plan (chapt. 3).
~~NMMNG~~
~~MMSLP~~
~~WISNIFG~~

First of all I am glad I am back at it after 4 months being a total dipshit and getting what I deserved. To give you guys a short recap this is what happened the last few months:

Since I started my business as an IT consultant I got my first gig and after 4 months they didn't want me anymore due to COVID-19 (saving department budget to take the hit).

I didn't have that much savings.. but enough to survive for a few months. It took me 2 months to find a new gig. But guess what happened next.. I got the coronavirus and was sick for a month. So 3 months no income. I was stressed and felt like shit. Read a bit. Didn't exercise Didn't watch my diet. I felt a victim and took it as a bitch.

I fell back to my old habits and got sick of myself and decided to get back at it and put in work instead of being a bitch.

I got lucky with this gig and could stay with a good hourly rate. So I'm glad I got a gig in this time and saw this as a second chance.

In all of this.. all of my weakness.. my woman supported me. Sometimes we had fights but I don't even blame her since a woman can't be happy being the captain of the ship.

So here I am..

Health and Fitness:
As I mentioned above I bought 2 dumbbell sets and a bench to get back at it. Today will be my first workout in months. Layed out a simple program (3 times a week FBW). As for a diet. I just plan to eat healthy (no sugar no junk food and track my macro's).

Career/financial:
Finally have a project. This gig gives me enough satisfaction (I can learn a lot and its not boring). Still I noticed I started to slack and not working to my full potential. I correct this and I immediately notice that I feel more fulfilled and with more self-respect.

Family/Marriage:
I notice that since I have a gig and started to make a lot more money than I ever made that my wife is so much more sweeter. Is it the money or is she finally proud that things are working out? I don't know. But thinking about it I actually don't care as long as I keep improving. Its just something that I noticed that my wife is not a unicorn as I thought.

We are trying to have another child. This was always our dream. To have 2 children. We had some problems with the first but now we are ready for our second.

I can't complain about the sex. Since we do it without the condom we are having way more sex than before (4/5 times a week). So all in all things are good.

I noticed that when I'm feeling guilty because I fall into my old habits of looking up other women online and talking and sometimes sexting with them or just watching porn I feel distracted, guilty and I don't give my wife the attention she needs. So I decided to remove all the triggers. Deleted all social media and all the apps and prevent myself to be alone or be in a situation where I feel I can fall back to my old habits.

All in all it comes down to being able to control myself and not be a lazy sack of shit.

Things to improve:
In any case I need to stop being a lazy shit and be consistent.

Not fall back into my old habits.

My goals for this week:

- Reading at least 5 pages a day.

- Get back to a goal. One of these was learning a new language. I have been lazy and on and off with this and now I want to track it and get back at it. Not per se to learn the language but to prove to myself I can pick a goal and actually make it fucking work.

- Get my 3 workouts in a week.

I'm happy to be back.

good_looking_man · 2020-10-21T12:02:49+00:00

OYS # 4

5’11 @ 201 LBS, Mid-40’s. Married 21 Years. 2 teenage daughters

BP: 185 LBS x 10, Squat: 225 LBS x 10, OHP: 110 LBS x 8, DL: 245 LBS x 10, Bent-Over Row: 140 lbs x 10. Walk 3 miles per day 5 days per week.

Sidebar: MMSLP 2011, Rational Male Volumes 1-3, Practical Female Psychology, NMMNG, The Way of the Superior Man

Got Rule 9’ed 2 weeks ago and banned so had to post late this week. If you performed a word count on the amount of “she’s” it lit up like a Christmas Tree, so I’ll do better this time.

Lifting/Diet/Fitness:

Lifts minimally improved 10 lbs for pull exercises (Push exercises stayed the same). I was cutting my diet down to 1500 calories per day which was getting in the way of my progress. I upped it to 2000 calories per day Monday-Thursday and then 3000 calories on Fridays and Saturdays so I can enjoy myself on the weekend.

Lost another 3 pounds over the past 2 weeks. Total of 20 lbs in 4 months.

Career:

Great stuff happening here. Received some exciting news about our 3rd and largest new client. As long as we meet 4 stages/milestones over the course of the next year, this client will bring in and additional 1 million revenue per year. This is greater than anything I could have imagined my startup of only 2 years old and 5 people.

This news has lit a fire under my ass in regards to motivation, and I’ve been extremely focused at work and getting shit done. I stopped messing around and wasting time at work.

Finances:

Almost done with the refinance process of our new mortgage loan with a much better interest rate (15 year loan). I was able to transfer all our credit card debt which will save us a significant amount of money each month. Stopped procrastinating and kept the mortgage process going without delay. Reorganizing our debt and making it very manageable feels really good, but I need to avoid past mistakes. I implemented some new rules that wife is on board with. We will no longer buy anything unless we have the cash for it on hand. We will always have at least 3 months of expenses saved up. We are creating a plan for home improvements for both our house and cottage to insure we don’t overspend as we’ve done in the past when we’d “try” to pay it later. No more of this.

Mental:

The autistic visualization framing techniques I mentioned last OYS continue to work. I noticed a few days ago that I don’t have an inner hamster anymore that’s constantly running. When I’m alone, I think about what I’m doing in the moment, or what I want to do. This is the first time in my life where I’m not constantly thinking about people or events I can’t control.

I’m starting to get control of my frame when I’m around people in public places as well.

In the past my mind got very overwhelmed with feelings of wanting to fit into other people’s frame when I was around them. Last week I started telling myself “I don’t give a shit” whenever I get these feelings and I’m actually starting to believe it.

The funny thing is I didn’t even realize I was changing until something small happened a few days ago. I was walking on a side walk and there were several guys in their early 20’s walking my way. One of them wasn’t moving out of my way. I kept walking as I was, and at the last minute the guy moved out of my way. The past me would have gotten nervous and I would have walked to the side to allow room.

I know this incident is small, but it finally clicked that I can influence other people’s behavior by maintaining my own frame. This was an “a-ha” moment for me, and I intent to grow this ability.

Marriage / Relationship

I’m starting to suspect that my wife was involved in either a serious crush or an emotional (possibly physical) affair late last year before COVID hit and I started my MRP improvement. I've met the guy at the gym last year, but he no longer works out so I haven't seen him since. The other guy’s wife brought it to my attention while I was talking to her at the gym last weekend. The wife told me she was suspicious about my wife and her husband working out together a few times and sending texts last year, but she's seen nothing recently. No smoking gun other than a few texts to her friends late 2019 and early 2020 talking about the guy and a few deleted messages that the other wife mentioned.

I’m not going to do anything about this other than watch her actions in the future. If my wife crosses a boundary then I’ll deal with it then. No sense in asking because I won't get the truth and it will just make her more careful if something happens again. For now I'm going to put this on the shelf for later and focus on my continued improvement.

On the other hand, I do have a bit of a revenge fantasy with the other wife. She's pretty and seems to like attention. I think about nailing her sometimes.

This is just a distraction. Focus on my MRP improvement I must.

rightsided · 2020-10-22T00:33:35+00:00

OYS #40

Married: 3 years. 3 kids [6,3,2yrs], 1 on the way.

Height: 6', Weight: 215lbs (+5lbs) – Navy Method: 16% -- Target: 187lbs /10~12% BF

-PRs as of 9/23/2020-

SQUAT: 310lbs x 5 - Target: 350+ x 5~ or 420 x 1

BENCH: 250lbs x 1 - Target: 315 x 3 or 330 x 1

DEADLIFT: 440lbs x 1 – Target: 500+ x 1

OHP: 205 x 1 – Target: 220 x 1

Reading: Principles, The Little Book of Stoicism, TWOTSM

Note to self: It’s becoming more and more crucial that I read. I’m finally starting to internalize and swallow some of the hard truths of the red pill, but the BP is always beckoning. My ego is constantly trying to convince me that I ‘got it figured out’ then reality kicks me square in my ass. I’ve learned that I must always be learning.

Health:

I have been on a binge with Starting Strength and Mark Rippetoe. I figured out why (possibly) my lifts weren’t increasing: my form was fucked up on most of the big 3. I’m already seeing results: an increase in overall reps on my lifts.

I’ve been dicking around with my meditations a lot. I’ve ‘meditated’ when I was too tired, resulting in me falling asleep during sessions.

Weight loss – on track
Strength – progressing

Meditation – progressing.

Going Forward:

Reach 199lbs 12/31/2020.
Achieve strength targets 11/18/2020. -in progress
Meditate
Alcohol goals: Instead of setting a goal of only drinking once per week, have the mindset of a man that only drinks when the occasion calls for it, and control the amount—otherwise no alcohol.

Mission and Career:

I had a 1-on-1 with my manager; nothing new, we went through the motions. Honestly, I’m just trying to be a good worker so that when I apply for my next role, he only has good things to say. I’ve quit complaining and bringing up ‘negative’ issues to him. I can’t say I don’t blame him for the way he operates. (I assume) He just wants us to work it out ourselves. I say that to say that there are times when I should be doing all I can to figure out the answer to problems, before going to my seniors or manager.

I’ll be applying for the MS program at Georgia Tech (online) for Computer Science for Fall 2021. I’m scheduling a drinking session with an old college friend, and Marine veteran who has their masters to get a take on their experience and what to expect.

Going forward:

Expand network, skills, and improve social circle. – in progress
Complete certification 11/18/2020. – in progress

~~3. Figure out how I will utilize my remaining G.I. Bill benefits.~~

Mental:

My daughter’s birthday was this week, so I reflected on the joys (and pains) of the past 6+ years. We had a small birthday cake cutting at home, and my wife did some decorating. Wife did a fantastic job with the decorations and dinner, and the kids and I enjoyed the cake and ice cream.

Daughter’s birthday is a stark reminder of how fast the years go by.

If I am not grounded in the now, I feel like I am squandering my time. Whenever I find myself daydreaming, or ‘reflecting’ too long on the past, I feel like life is just whizzing by me. Like I’m crunched for time to achieve a goal. Staying in the moment, in the now, helps me to enjoy and appreciate that present moment.

But I am not always in the now, which is why I am including this in my OYS. The Power of Now has helped immensely. I'd love to know what other guys do to stay focused on the Now.

Porn. I’ve dabbled with quitting porn, but never got serious with it. Lately, I’ve been considering it again, and after a week of no porn, I felt a lot better, but at the same time, I felt weird for not having watched and masturbated. I gave in and got my hit of dopamine. I’ve heard horns talk about why porn is gay and why it’s gay to watch porn, but ~~I haven’t been convinced yet.~~ didn't want to give up my easy nut/hit of dopamine. Part of the issue is that I have made excuses for not having sex with my 7-months-pregnant wife, who’s still very interested in sex. This week, I've made strides in facing my fucked up mental models (my resentment, jealousy, etc. of my wife) and embracing my wife with love.

So, going forward, I want to tackle and kick the porn habit. Why? Because porn has warped my fucking mind. I'm often in a state of lust. I won't go into details, but I have/had a lot of preconceived notions due to my indulgence in porn. I want to take off my cum stained glasses and see the world and women without the porn filter.

Going Forward:
1. Meditate daily (What am I trying to achieve here...?) – In progress.
2. Quit the porn: Go 1 week without looking at porn.
-Stoicism- 1. Focus on being in the now, mentally present. 2. Appreciating what I have
3. Truly understand and internalize what I actually have control over: my own thoughts and actions

nomorefuckingaround2 · 2020-10-23T19:45:01+00:00

OYS #0 (10/23/2020)

Me: 30, Wife: 30, Married 2 yrs, Together 12.5 yrs

5'9", 205lb, 26.3% BF

The Good

My relationship is not going badly, sexual frequency is reasonably high (3x/wk, 4 if you count oral), I am basically never turned down for sex unless there is an actual reason. Enthusiasm is generally good.

My attitude is generally good, I am not supplicating, I do reasonably well with shit tests, although I'm sure there is room for improvement.

I have a good job and we are more than financially secure.

I am here for prevention, not cure, as I have objectively let myself fuck around and if I don't fix it it is only a matter of time before things get bad.

The Bad

I am a fat fuck. I go to the gym but mostly fuck around and make no real progress, and often only go 2x/wk

Though I have a good job I slack way too much. To date I still get good performance reviews but (a) this could change if I don't stop fucking around and (b) I'm sure they could be better anyway without the fucking around

Sexual variety is not what I would like it to be. To be fair I'm a huge pervert so this will probably always be true unless I am willing to cheat (which currently I am not) but I can still improve it a bunch.

I am a huge porn "addict" (quotes because there are varying opinions on whether that is a real thing but regardless I watch way too much porn)

Goals

Quit porn

Gym 3x/wk (lifting + cardio)

<Insert body goal> I will put specific #s on this in OYS #1 on Tuesday.

Put in a full week's work every week

10 hrs / week on side projects.

Long term: Create my very nasty, submissive little whore

STFUBOUNDARIESFRAME · 2020-10-24T22:33:17+00:00

After holding my frame and boundaries over abuse, my girlfriend of 4 years left. I didn't follow the MAP. I was complacent. I was hopeless beta. But also, I assume after she realized she couldn't manipulate me anymore, off she went. Possibly nuked it, with judgement. S huge flaw of mine is judgement. It's a win for me and her. I still want to follow the MAP. I'm still co-dependant and I want to follow the red pill path. I admire this place so much. Part of me thinks it's great that I held my frame to the end and she left. Another part is thinking about how my own judgement contributed to her leaving.

I want to lift. I want to STFU and feel. I want to focus on me. I'm so needy for others. I'm going to read the sidebar again. I need to internalise. I need to release my toxic shame. I need to do so much. I was so focused on saving her. I killed myself for it. I feel like I might not have it in me. I will tomorrow morning. Tomorrow morning it begins. I feel like throwing up because actually walking this path means giving up on fixing her. Giving up my co-dependency. Why the fuck did i want to fix her so badly? I'm glad she left because I was never going to let go of that shit. I'm so grateful for everyone here for teaching me how to hold frame. I'm no longer a frameless bitch. Thank you

I'm going to post my numbers and all that tomorrow morning. Great to meet everyone here, and thank you for this community. Without this community of men and the manosphere I would be in trouble. God bless you all.

red-sfpplus · 2020-10-20T14:29:01+00:00

Dear Diary -

I wasnt expecting to have a OYS post for a while. But, I was wrong.

Fitchick and I threw her 20.5 year old out of the house last night.

Things had been degrading with him for some time. I mean, asking a loser of a kid to try and not be a loser was taking its toll.

Last night after her and he got into an argument over something I went upstairs to stop it.

Little punk decided it would be a good idea to "square off to me chest to chest"

I just cant even put it into words.

In less than 10 minutes I had his shit packed and in the trunk of my car.

I drove him half way across the DFW metroplex and dropped him off on his Dad's doorstep at 10pm.

Sad part is, on the way there the Dad was trying to duck out on him.

No one, squares off to me in my house.

Later!

threekindsoflucky · 2020-10-20T12:53:29+00:00

[permanently deleted]

arm_candy · 2020-10-20T17:09:13+00:00

I’m feeling a bit aimless. Looking over my last week of journal entries, I have nothing extremely interesting to share. The common theme is that I need to figure out what I want in life. I’m looking for some adventure or something. Stuff is generally going fine, but that’s not enough.

I’m not feeling extremely engaged in work at this point. It’s busy but not unbearably. I’m getting my stuff done. But I’m not feeling connected to the work aside from using it as an avenue to practice better skills. Home stuff is fine, projects are moving along, but it’s just mostly day to day life.

Some of this might be that I need to get more sleep so I feel less drained. Definitely something to work on. Probably not this week though. Lots of late (international) meetings. Still, I need to make sure I’m preserving the sleep I can and getting as close to 8 hours as possible.

I think part of this is also just disappointment in myself for not making progress on the thing that matters to me right now. I feel aimless because I am aimless.

Health

Still gaining a bit too fast. I cut my calories yesterday and somehow jumped 2lb overnight. I know that’s just noise on the scale but still. Surprising. I’ll start cutting portions slightly more for the next week and see where the scale goes. Navy method says my body fat is about 15%, which seems accurate visually.

I do need to get back to dedicated lifting sessions. This past week I’ve been squeezing in exercises in random breaks during the day because it’s convenient, but this is making my lifting more haphazard. It’s also distracting me from other stuff when I don’t separate better. The weird headaches and pulled neck/skull muscle are getting better, so that’s good.

Had 3 drinks this week. Two of them at home. I haven’t decided if this is a thing I care about reducing further or not. On the one hand, I don’t want to backslide into nightly drinking. On the other, worrying about 2-3 drinks doesn’t seem useful.

Relationship

Haven’t seen any real compliance tests this week. I don’t know if that means I’m missing them or they’re not happening. Some minor shit tests but all playful.

I have noticed that the wife vacillates between engaging with and even initiating kino and clearly rejecting it. Maybe I’m being too handsy at times. Maybe it’s just random moods. I don’t know. I’m not sure if I really care.

I’m still not initiating aggressively enough. I’m initiating often, but too often verbally. Essentially we’re having sex when she decides and not when I make it happen. I need to get more attractive and also need to initiate more dominantly (which would be attractive…).

One night we were clearly going to have sex so I told her to put on sexy panties before I went to put one of the kids to bed. She told me no, but in a playful way, something about invisible panties. I joked back but told her that wasn’t what I wanted. This whole thing rolled around in my head and I contemplated how to play it when she didn’t do what I asked. Should I ignore it? Comment? Walk away and tell her I’m not in the mood? Something else pathetic?

Why am I rolling around “failure scenarios” in my head that haven’t even happened? Nothing good comes from this. It’s a waste of time even if the scenario plays out (which it didn’t; she met me wearing sexy panties). React in the moment and if it’s wrong, learn from it.

Goals

Last week:

Delegate more - Sure, although I can do more still.
Lift every planned session. - Yes, although very haphazard the way they were spread out. I also didn’t run at all last week, which was a giant miss.
Stop getting caught up in my wife’s moods and stop letting rejections affect my mindset. But keep initiating when I want sex. - Feels like a win this week.
Make decisions without looking for approval from anyone. - Did more of this. This is just a muscle I need to build. My default is to look for someone else to sign off on my decisions. Stop that.
Find opportunities to lead by taking care of things that need to get done. - Some minor stuff. Not enough yet.
Find an adventure. - Nope. Big F here.

Same goals this week. But do better.

Stats

5’7”, late 30s, 153lb OHP 115, BP 180, DL 310 (est)

Listerine10 · 2020-10-20T09:09:44+00:00

OYS#13

Back from a 30 day ban. Thanks for the time-out Horns. I needed to do some thinking.

43yo 5'10'' 167lbs, married, together 25 years, kids 2

Bathroom scale: 18.3%

Strongur.io: 14.4%

Navy: 13.34%

Jackson Pollock 4-point: 8.64%

I switched the bathroom scale to athlete mode to see if it gave me something closer to where I think I'm actually at, but it gave me an 8% BF reading. It matches the JP4 measurement pretty well, but I'll keep it on the normal mode. I show some abs, but I don't have a six-pack, so I'm definitly not sub 10%.

Read:

NMMNG, WISNIFG, MMSLP, TWOTSM, TDBF, HTWFAIP, PFP, Pook, TRM, 48LOP, AOS, Models, Walk like a Buddha. Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance.

Health/Physical:

Stronglifts 5x5: SQ: (235) 225lbs, BP: (155) 150lbs, BR: 155lbs, OHP: (110) 105lbs: DL: 290lbs

Deloaded on squat, bench press, overhead press.

I'm on my 19th week of SL 5x5. I'll switch the program latest after week 24. I'm leaning towards 5/3/1 BBB to get some hypertrophy in there.

Mental:

I've gotten complacent at work. I'm good at what I do, but though I received my current assignment due to others having a high trust in my ability, I don't find my current tasks rewarding. In the long run I know I should be looking for a new job to challenge myself and broaden my skills. I had some opportunities through headhunters during early pandemic, but they came to nothing, partly I guess due to COVID and lock-down, but also due to me being luke warm to the offers as I didn't like the idea of a long commute.

Working from home has solidified that feeling. I will keep a look-out for local opportunities. Only good can come from going on a few interviews.

While I'm still at my current job, I'm going to own my shit and make the best of the situation. Though it's not my preferred assignment, it's still one where I can make a fair bit of difference.

I have picked up an old hobby project that involves programming, electronics and wood-working. The first of which I can do in my sleep, in the second of which I have some experience and in the last of which I'm a complete beginner. In the past I've let these projects stay in a planning or half finished state, but this time I'm going to follow through. This is another route to broaden my skillset.

Relationship:

I've upped the kino and initiations. The initiations are shot down with hard nos. The kino is kind of tolerated, which is actually a change from before, where she would mostly move away or tell me to stop. We've had sex once during my ban, which puts me back on the same spot as before - it's been three weeks - again.

I took Horns's advice of not "jacking off until you get your dick wet". It took a week and a half for that to happen. But since I started three weeks into the dry-spell that could just be coincidence, so I set myself the goal of repeating it at least once. It has increased my motivation for kino and initiations, but also in other areas. Though, at this rate, I won't be able to keep it up for good.

Dynabruh · 2020-10-20T10:07:36+00:00

Oys # 4 28 148lbs 5’6 wife 28 married 3 yrs 2 kids 1&7 2nd marriage Recent lifts sq 155x5 dL 225x6 pr 115x8 (new to the pr) bp 145x6 ohp 90x5

Read Nmmng mmslp side bar Reading pfpfpm

Physical

I added a pinlay row to my pull day. It was a little awkward at first but I think I’m going to like it. Been staying consistent with my planned schedule. 5 days legs,push,pull,push,legs. I throw in abs on my leg days. I’d like to add a two a day on one of my leg days and do a little extra back and bi work and forearm work. My upper arm is starting to outgrow below the elbow. I want to add an observation I’ve made. I want to start by sayin I’m still a weak ass little bitch and I’m nowhere close to where I want to be physically. But I’ve started to notice the attention I’m getting from women is coming from different women. Honestly I used to only get iois from chunky girls with only the occasional pretty one. Now I’m noticing less attention from the chunky ones a little more from pretty women. It’s a nice change and motivational.

Diet

I’ve been mindful but I haven’t tracked shit in a couple weeks. No excuse really. I will start tracking.

Mental

I think the red pill is slowly dissolving because I see the blue pill clear as day in everything around me now. I feel like I’m starting to get a little clarity. I still fuck up a lot but when I do I know what happened normally without confusion. I don’t second guess myself as much. When I make a bad decision I face the consequences without feeling like a victim. I’ve been sleeping better as well. Frame still seems foreign to me though. I’m still not sure I grasp it properly. I think it’s slowly building within me however. One example I’d like to note is this. At my work several people that are close to me have tested positive for COVID. And with most of them they also sent people home who had been in close contact with them. However a guy I trained called in the next day sick. He didn’t come back the remainder of the week and eventually tested positive. I wasn’t told to quarantine, just that I "may want to get tested". Seeing the obvious bias in this I did something I would’ve never done before. I have always been your typical turn the other cheek/ don’t rock the boat nice guy. I went to HR and voiced my opinion of how this was bullshit. Later that day my manager came out to talk "shit test" to me about it. And I treated him just as I would’ve my wife. He asked if I had trouble understanding him. I just replied "I guess I do, I also have trouble understanding the difference between me and (co-worker)" I honestly don’t remember what was said after that but it was a short conversation for sure. I really held dngaf. I didn’t engage him, only fogged and stfu. Honestly it was nothing compared to the tests my wife has given me. That sparring partner really helps.

Relationship

It’s getting better every week. I think that by acting like a captain I’m starting to see a side of my wife I’ve never seen. I’ve read everywhere that it’s common when a man starts to better himself his wife follows his lead, and I’m not seeing so much in the physical aspect like a lot of what I’ve read. But housekeeping, working, and just being a good wife in general are all pretty much beyond what I’ve ever seen out of her. She’s still testing me every day usually. I’m probably not the best at them but I seem to be passing them. And sex has been going great and frequent despite her working all night and staying up with the kids all day. Had sex 3 times and not once in the bed. Had one soft rejection to a initiation. Didn’t bother me. For the first time in a long time my sex life is in a place where I feel content.

Family

The nephew spent 2 nights last week, both nights my wife worked so it was just a 7 y/o, 5 y/o 1 y/o and me. It’s was pretty hectic but it tried to make sure they all had fun. Try not to be a stick in the mud dad. My parents were always strict on behavior and sometimes I have trouble letting kids be kids so I’ve been mindful of that. I’ve really noticed how girlish my oldest boy acts. I’ve been trying to work on that with him.

General

Spent some time working on my camper. It was nice, but I think there’s other things I would enjoy more. I like it and I think vintage campers are cool, but I would’ve never bought one had it not been for my wife. It was something I got more to please her I think. I have been trying to trade my Harley for a 60s-72 Chevy pickup. My wife wants me to try to trade for a Camaro or fox body but I don’t really give a shit. I’ve got a nostalgia thing with them and I’ve always wanted one.

Financial

My wife has started working part time which is a nice change. She actually paid for a dinner at a restaurant. Even got the tip.

Social

Went to eat with the family, sister in law and her boyfriend. I swear it was like watching myself 8 months ago as he failed shit test one after another. At one point my wife said something along the lines of "time to go home and let dynabruh in" and He said "must be nice" all snappy like a bitch. I literally had to catch myself from telling him not to do that it’s unattractive. I probably looked like a retard because my mouth was open as I was beginning to speak when I stopped myself. I find myself wanting to redpill him but I know I don’t need to talk about fight club. Sunday was my only off day and sister in law’s boyfriend came and helped me work on my camper. I’ve also been training all the new guys at work in the past couple months, and the newest new guy came to the gym with me last week along with my boss. Social situation is getting better.

Goals

Do something fun with the family Do something with a friend this weekend Add some weight to my lifts Finish practical female psychology for the practical male

HornsOfApathy · 2020-10-20T10:59:35+00:00

OYS#7– 35 6’0 183lbs, 19% BF Navy Method / Married 8 Years, Together 11 / 2 kids ( 7 and 4)

Read – NMMNG (x2), MAP, WISNIFG, MMSLP, The Rational Male.

Reading – 48 Laws of Power.

Physical/Mental Fitness - Sandbag workout 3 times a week,. Increased weight to 50lbs bag. Plates and bench en route. Mental in a good place.

Social – Getting out of the house at least twice a week, band practice and show this week. Trail ride with friend and son planned for next Saturday.

Work – My mind has been focused a lot on self improvement, I am guilty of overthinking MRP and it is taking up more of my time than needed. I need to spend more time acting, and less time thinking. I want to get in the flow more with my work schedule and become more vocal and assertive in meetings with colleagues.

Family – Kids had birthday party and a sleepover this weekend. Their social life is returning; this is great for them.

Relationship – Tried to incorporate dominance into sex life, challenging when I am only having sex about 2 or 3 times a month. I can do basic stuff like control the tempo and what position to be in, but I tried to grab an arm and hold her down, got a hard no, tried to pull of panties when I wanted to, got a hard no.

After I wrote this I reflected on it for a day. Why do I want dominance in my sex life? Why is this important to me? The easy answer is so I can tap into some of that caveman energy and do what I want. But…Thanks to some advice last week from JCX_Pulse and Sir Fappington, I think there is more to this. Its my ego driving this. I feel like I should be able to be dominant because I am doing all this work so dominance should be the reward. Its like a covert contract with myself. I do not want my actions or results to be ego driven. If I am not authentic, I will feel it, and for damn sure others will feel it. So, I want my dominance to come from a place of authenticity. I have started this work outside the bedroom. This week I took a small step with my communication. Instead of saying, “Can you do X?” or “Do you want to Do Y?”, I said “Do X” and “I am going to do Y”. This advice is all over a lot of MRP posts, but this was the first week I consciously applied it all week. There is very little push back from others when being assertive outside the bedroom. This is step towards becoming the family leader, this is what is more important to me right now than being dominant in bed.

redpillruminations · 2020-10-20T12:41:13+00:00

OYS 28: (October 20, 2020)

Physical / Lifts: 5'3" 129lb. for reps BP: 140, SQ: 235, DL: 275, OHP: 115

Relationship:

I've edited my OYS based on value from the Youtube video on Sunday. Not only did I get some deep laughs about Unicorn Handjob Queen and what I'm calling the "My 200 lb. Wife" bits, the discussion about wives flirting with other guys was priceless for me. JA said it doesn't fucking matter, Horns said it doesn't matter but his wife respects him enough not to do that. Really shined a spotlight on me.

One way I think the livestreams could improve is to assign each Mod posts to review ahead of time so they can speak accurately on each for a few minutes. Then after, give the other mods a minute or so each to agree/disagree. Then switch to a new mod and different post, same format. There are unique perspectives from each Mod, but the interruptions can be frustrating. Also, it would be helpful at the end of each post review to read off any salient comments from the audience, instead of calling them out in real time and interrupting the talking points.

That said, I will share some of my frame from this week (even though it's bullshit) to keep myself honest about where I'm at, and what I have to improve.

What do I have to lose by doubling down on improving myself? A year ago I said I'd give a year of solid work and re-evaluate. At that time, it was coming from a place of butthurt and BP ego (like "I'll show her who I can really be"). Now the year has passed and I realize even more how it's my fault. I got stuck this week, after a series of events, in the butthurt frame of "I'm ready to burn it down." It's bullshit. I have a hot sparring partner who I can (and do) fuck, who is a challenge, the type of girl who I would try to pickup if I was single. Why would I not take every opportunity to use that to my advantage?

I need to come to terms with the fact that I have a wife who other guys want to fuck. That's a huge win for me, but this week I was looking at it like a mountain I have to climb to top her attractiveness with power, higher value, etc. I was a dancing monkey for a long time trying to show mommy my improvements, but now I'm a dancing monkey to myself in some way, trying to accommodate for my insecurities in my own head as I make incremental improvements to realize my potential. I need to get to the frame of "I'm a valuable man who deserves a hot wife." I have work to do to make that a reality, although I am closer than I've ever been and continue to work toward it.

Yes, I want a wife who is sweet and submissive. Who happily takes care of shit around the house and tries to be helpful. Would my wife do these things for Chad? Maybe, maybe not (probably yes). I've never seen it, because I still have work to do. I chose my wife. I failed to develop her properly and lead her for 7 or 8 years until I found this place. Maybe the tow rope tightens, maybe it doesn't. But I'm not at the stage to make any type of decision to burn it down, because it's coming from a place of butthurt.

I've deluded myself at times into thinking I can make more progress alone, but she is a mirror of me, and the lack of sweetness and helpfulness is a direct result of my lack of leadership and lacking high value. I have an opportunity here to be up close and personal with the nature of women (and better yet, my type of Basic White Bitch). Instead of just reading and theorizing, I get to test and learn in real time.

I went to the wedding of a close friend of my wife's this past weekend. It was an eye opening experience. Yeah, I fucked my wife in the bathroom at the wedding. I also watched her flirt with every guy there. I played mayor game, chatted up every guy and girl that I could throughout the night, kept busy. I danced, throughout the night my wife would run up, kiss me passionately, and run off flirting more with everyone. I A&A'd, passed shit and compliance tests, and ultimately STFU about the whole situation. Was it that bad? Objectively the night went ok but left me with a sinking feeling that "it's just my turn." I let it fuck with my head.

No solid lines were crossed but I watched as men realized she desperately wanted their attention and flirted back. A few tried to AMOG me and I acted amused. I was ready with the line "my wife doesn't act like that" to draw a boundary, but the time never came to use it. It would have come across butthurt, jealous, and weak given the situations. I STFU.

I came to realize that my wife was being her fun, flirty, feminine self - a side that I rarely access. That shit is on me, and it made me sick to see it up close and know that I am not the man that brings that energy out. Not yet at least. Will I ever? If I was watching that behavior, I have a pretty good idea what happens when I'm not around. Yeah, I think she was being disrespectful, on the line of worth calling out. From a place of butthurt I almost wish at times that she would cheat so I have a reason to burn it down. Weak beta shit there, it's not coming from a place of power.

I deluded myself into believing if she was a 6 or a 7 I'd probably have a better chance at success (or it might come sooner), but I'm playing in the big leagues with a super hot wife. In some ways that does make progress harder for me but diamonds are made under pressure. If I can practice on a 9 every day, how much better is my game going to be? Even if it doesn't work out, I win. If it works out, I win.

I had a bullshit antidote here in my initial writeup to say "if it doesn't work out I'll be fine." And I will. But it was a weakass statement of throwing my hands up and looking back at my wife, instead of looking forward like a man, putting on my backpack currently filled to the brim with bullshit insecurities and trekking on toward progress, dropping out baggage along the way.

What I'm towing behind me doesn't matter when I'm on my yacht setting sail across the open seas, looking at the island ahead. This week, as my little outboard motor revved up on my aluminum tracker boat, I looked back at what I was towing and yelled "so are you coming aboard or what?"

MeanPhysics · 2020-10-20T13:12:32+00:00

OYS: 29

37yo, 6’1”, 186lbs, 10%bf (Calipers). Married 9 yrs, together 12. 2 kids, 5 & 3. Bench 320, OHP 180, Squat 310

Read: Rational Male, NMMNG, MMSLP, WISNFG, Book of Pook, SGM, Models, Bang, Day Bang

Swallowed the pill 9/2017, OYS since 9/2019

Mental: I’ve been less dialed in at work for the last couple of months than I’d like to be, and I’ve realized that that behavior, in and of itself, was hurting my overall attitude. I wasn’t fully focused, so my mind wandered, so I felt bored and thought the problem was that my work was engaging me. You see the attribution error. It works the other way round. It was my own attitude and focus that were entirely to blame for my lack of engagement. This last 10 days I’ve recognized the direction of causality (it always starts with yourself, dipshit), and forced myself to refocus and work hard to always be present. It’s made a huge difference in results and everything about my day is just more fun. Goal: Continue to focus on mental presence. I can’t lead if I’m not even there.

Physical: Cutting for the last month has dropped 4 % body fat and 8 lbs. I’m getting back to the point where I miss breakfast and my joints hurt. 1.5 more lbs down and I’ll be where I need to go, then its back to a focused lean bulk. I was running this earlier in the year when the ‘rona first hit with good success and fairly low effort. Goal: finish the cut, and then stay below 11% bf going forward. Instead of bulk/cut cycles, pay closer attention to exactly what I’m eating and get into a lean-bulk process.

Social: Everything’s closing up again around here, so Social is still way off where it was a year ago, but I’m averaging 1 night out a week. I need to make it two. Goal: 2 nights out / week planned a week in advance. Lets see how long this plan stays legal.

Family: MIL has been in town for a few months and it’s time for her to go. Having her here is not a bad trade in general, with lots of free babysitting and house cleaning, and she never comments on the noises her daughter makes at night. But we’re at the point now where mother and daughter are oil and water. In the past, this would land at my feet, with my wife being pissed off at me for everything because, in reality, she couldn’t stand her mother any more. Over the last two years, that behavior has extinguished entirely. Now they just fight with each other directly, and if it gets out of hand, I reprimand both of them and remind them to be good examples to the kids. Next step is to be enough of a presence that they don’t want to embarrass themselves by fighting in front of me. Plenty of work left. Goal: Continue the high level of leadership day to day, and make it clear that I expect good behavior from everyone in the family, not just the kids.

Relationship: I continue to have problems with low attraction to my wife. My drive to have more sex with her was an animating force for the first 2 years in MRP, and it’s just fallen off a cliff in the last couple of months. This presents a couple of challenges: 1) When I’m not gaming, I’m not keeping her in a sexually focused mindset, which generally causes her level of overt sexual behavior, which is always small, to go down, which then makes me even less attracted to her… 2) My own motivation to make myself better is more limited because there’s no cookie for me to chase after.

On the flip side, it’s easy to NGAF when you really DNGAF. But on the whole, I think my limited drive is making it less clear to her hamster how to get out of the maze. If I want a wife that never says no, I’ve got to make my desires clear, and provide a reward when she performs as expected. I’ve been falling down here. Goal: Understand what I want, what sparks interest and desire, and make those desires clear.

petey208 · 2020-10-20T14:05:37+00:00

OYS #8

Stats:

Age: 43; Married 8yrs, Together 10yrs, Wife 39, two kids 4 and 6

Reading: NMMNG, WISNIFG, Rational male, MMSLP, TWOTSM, Book of Pook, Practical Female Psychology; The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck; Currently reading The Daily Stoic and relistening to TWOTSM audiobook. I have found more value in my re-reads, or second round via audiobook.

Fitness: 199.0lbs, 5 11", BF 17% (caliper) BP 275, DL 406, squat 365, OP 205. I lift 5 -6 days per week, Intermittent fast M-F. Still feeling strong. Bench last week I was able to push 225lbs 15 times. Still working with this weight, working to get to 20 reps. Pushed my squat up from 345 to 365. Feeling solid.

Background: Classic Betabux story. Good looking, seemingly successful, Nice guy with fucked up mental models that were established at a young age. Was given a “We don’t have a connections speech in 2017 along with an emotional affair. Instead of burning it to the ground and demoting her, I begged for her to stay. Still married and lost I found the Rational Male by chance and then this reddit. I have been LARPing here since summer 2019.

Work: Work is still great. I am still adding projects in my industrial division and am close to landing three large projects that will put my division at capacity. I am leading on this front. I also leading in our commodities division and having negotiated some very profitable contract buys. On the heels of two major projects still. Award dates have been pushed out. I am hoping to close these by month end. In my industry there is sometimes a waiting game on entitlements and permits and notice to proceed.

Current: No major shit tests or comfort tests from wife. There was a test of frame during a conversation about getting another motorcycle. I had a motorcycle when we met and I sold it when we found out we were pregnant with our first child. I have been interested in riding again and have been openly talking about it with resistance from my wife. This conversation was during coffee, It started as a no you cannot get a motorcycle, they are not safe, etc, etc. I simply pushed through. Looked her straight in the eyes smiled and said, “babe, “I’m going to get another motorcycle and your going to have to accept it.” That was enough to push through the test, she asked what kind, I showed her then we reminisced about riding my old bike. I expected more resistance at first. My frame and energy I projected lead the conversation.

Planned a breakfast date with my wife at a new spot (new to us) in a neighboring suburb. Told the wife to book a sitter for that am. She cancelled her workout class to go on our date. Sitter arrived on time, and my wife was running late. In the past, I would have been agitated, but I today I wasn’t. Fuck it, She was getting ready for me and wanted to look cute on our date. Breakfast was off the fucking chain good and made for Good conversation. While at breakfast we were discussing the rest of our day prior to going to a football gathering later that evening. I suggested going to the neighboring county fair with the kids. After breakfast we walked the downtown area, she grabbed my hand and we genuinely enjoyed each other’s company walking and talking. I pressed that we would have enough time and we decided to hit the fair. It was a mini road trip, we drove, played music loud, sang at the top of our lungs. We had a blast. We hit the rides, then carnival games, and I walked out of the fair with the cash and prizes of a king, even goldfish for the kids. I was complimented with a handful of “good work” from other dudes and finger points from other (females) which I admit I didn’t mind, women like and appreciate winners. Afterwards on the way home I was told how much my wife “loves us”, how much fun she had, how hot I was blah blah blah ….feelz. My point to writing this is that I created this energy and fun for my relationship and for our family. I dated my wife, created memories for my kids and I felt accomplished in the process. I lead. I was not boring, I was being attractive and I was a good captain. I had fun. I enjoyed my family having fun. My validation was from within.

Mental: Mental is good. I feel I am leading well. I see the fruits of my labor. The wife mentioned that she was making a conscious effort to be better in our relationship. Her actions show which is good. Foot will remain on the gas.

Social: Social is good. Upcoming Bourbon tasting this week with neighborhood buddies. Impromptu fire side with neighbors. IOI’s while out at breakfast with the kids. Wife was at a birthday celebration, so I Just the kids and I. Likely looked like the hot single dad on his weekend.

Sex: Currently resetting this week. Limited intiations while still flirting, gaming, and Kino. I recognize the feedback loop I have created for myself using sex and even sexual acts as the measuring stick. So many years of this with all of my sexual relationships. I am not being needy, and I am feeling empowered withholding my gift. This includes no FAP. No goal in mind for this other that resetting my need for dopamine and working on my caretaking and giving my gifts, and transitioning my caretaking to the bedroom. https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/c06qfe/depressive_and_anxious_wives_transformation_and/ Withholding is building on my OI towards my wife as pointed out by HOA. I can feel some sexual tension building from her as well. I am enjoying building comfort without the pressure of having to get off. I catch myself wanting to go to my old habits of escalation to get off but have been able to channel the energy inward. The best way to explain it is that it is empowering. Interesting exchange this weekend. My wife went to a “botox party” with some of the neighborhood ladies. It was her first time getting any treatments. Earlier in the week before the party the comment was made, “you are really gonna want to fuck me looking younger”, I playfully responded with a smack on the ass. Again, later with one of her friends at our house she made a similar comment a little more tame in front of her friend, I playfully responded “I might not have to trade you in for a new model then”. Her friend laughed and my wife was amused and smacked me on the ass. A few mornings after the treatment, I was met the morning with her in my arms, and was asked if her if her ass looked phat (“phat with a PH”) I moved my hands down to her ass caressed and gave it a good squeeze and told her I approve. Later that evening after family dinner, wrestling with the kids, she initiated and I escalated. Energy was good, both were in the moment and we both climaxed. I want to bring back some intimacy that does not lead to orgasm to continue to build sexual tension. There is a good amount of sexual tension being built and my wife is seeking more comfort and validation in the process.

MAP: Continue to lift 6x per week and experiment with fasting and Keto with an emphasis on strength and muscle preservation. STFU. Be attractive, don’t be unattractive. Game wife, escalate when I want with OI. Praise good behavior, do not reward bad behavior, be social, be the mayor. STFU."If you build it they will come".

Mission: Be the Captain. Enjoy life and be in the moment. Continue to grow always. Be healthy, read, learn. There are no mistakes, just lessons.

UsefulWalk4 · 2020-10-20T15:27:02+00:00

OYS #32:

Stats: Age 43, Wife 40. Married 15 years, kids 6’2”, 184 lbs. 13% Navy Method. Working on MRP over 3 years, OYS since December.

Currently Reading: Day Bang

Cut: Cut’s over. I’m a little disappointed in the end result. I’ve got a little stubborn fat on the lower belly covering what would be the bottom of a six pack. The upper abs were clear and it definitely looked trim, but not quite what I remember. I’ll cycle back with some bulking for 2+ months and see how that goes. I noticed my arms starting to get thinner, time to switch.

Lifts: Squat 5x5, 290#, Deadlift 1X5 285#, Row 5X5 185, OHP 5X5 125#, BP 165# X5. Doing some work with higher reps, especially on DL and BP, seems to be working. Crunched out new maxes on Squat, BP, and DL with new rep patterns (even on a cut). Happy here, wish everything worked just like lifting.

Sex: Zero. Sick wife.

Initiation: Yes, 24/25 weeks.

Lawyer Consult: So, I set an appointment with an attorney I work on with other matters as well (still loosely in field) with to discuss my scenario. Didn’t go how I imagined it. He was shocked we would be having issues, “we seem so perfect”. Even as I was speaking the setup to my initial question, I had this overwhelming feeling of guilt, like a traitor. Then I get his reaction and I feel like a complete dick. We only vaguely know the guy; I can’t even imagine the reactions I’d be in for from others. Leaving the appointment, I felt sick. It’s safe to say I have some emotional baggage and a huge attachment that leaves me far from willing to nuke my nuclear family. She knows it, HOA knows it, and now I know it for sure. I mistakenly thought the appointment would give me a feeling of reassurance and empowerment and help increase my feeling of willingness to walk away if necessary. It actually achieved all the opposite thoughts and emotions.

My game plan: So, I’m fucked with a bad case of oneitis. Here’s my game plan. I’m going to lift, STFU, improve myself, work thru the dread levels with an emphasis on personal improvement. I’ll get more social; I’ll get out there and have more fun. I’ll do more of what I want to do. I’m not going to worry about her reaction, I’m making those improvements for me. Perhaps this revised focus will result in more satisfaction and happiness for me, if not no harm. At a minimum this process will make me a more desirable for commodity for my wife or someone else if she doesn’t come along. In addition to those items, I’m going to have an overt conversation with my wife about my sexual needs and dissatisfaction of how those needs are being met. I’m well aware that you can’t negotiate desire. I also know that no one who has been paying attention expects my wife to come around any moment. It can’t hurt to voice my dissatisfaction. I feel it’s only fair to make this clear.

Follow up: Wrote this Last week. I got out and stayed out of the house doing things I
wanted to do. She seemed irritated, I don’t care, did the same thing the next day. Also,
had a brief overt conversation about “needs” and “excuses”. I intend to follow it up
with another and then drop it for a while.

Dread: I’m taking HOA’s recommendation on working thru the Dread Levels.

Dread Level 3: Begin to build a life apart from your wife. Last week I said “This typically leaving me “reporting” my where abouts at all times.” This weekend I was out most of the day, got the typical where were you questions. Also got out for a late dinner with a friend. Nothing ground breaking, but Rambo’s taking baby steps.

Dread Level 5: Upgrade your clothes and start dressing better. I had a super busy we so I didn’t make too much progress here. Trying to work harder with what I have for now. Hair cut tomorrow.

Dread Level 6: Begin to study pickup artistry. Reading Day Bang.

Disclaimer: I’m aware of the gigantic covert contract that is the Dread Levels. I hope, but don’t expect anything to happen except for some personal improvement. Maybe she’ll wake up; she probably won’t.

chad_thunderwrench · 2020-10-20T15:33:23+00:00

OYS #1

177 lbs 13% BF 205 bench/ 285 squat / 415 Deadlift

32 years old, married 4 years, 3 kids under 7

Sidebar- NMMNG, WISNIFG, Pook, MMSLP, 50% TRM.

Mentality-

Been creeping this sub for a good while now. Well overdue to start owning my shit.

Becoming the prize not only physically but mentally has been a huge challenge. Been a nice guy my whole life because of my paradigm of society. I think this may also stem from a ultra beta father but it doesn’t fucking matter. I remember in highschool sticking up for ugly chicks or even hanging out with them, not because I liked them or wanted their company but because I felt bad. Tough look.

After marriage the wife took over as captain and I sat back. Since discovering MRP been trying to slowly take back the wheel. Besides working on the physical aspect, I take care of mealplanning, basically all dates, and slowly planning family outings/trips/etc. SO took note early but that faded.

My greatest weakness is my social game with her. I instantly go into defence and DEER. I’ve dabbled with Fogging and A&A but It had little effect. This beta mentality is so internalized in my day to day mindset that it’s tough to kill. This needs to be done if I’m ever going to gain the respect of my family.

One positive from this last week - after the kids were in bed I changed and went to jump in the hot tub. On my way out she stops me and says- we never have alone time anymore, and it bugs me that you aren’t helping out around the house as much as you used to. I stopped right in my tracks and said you’re welcome to come into the tub, I would actually enjoy your company. And as for house work don’t even start. Began DEERing all the things I do (cook, dishes, outside work, etc). This prob sounds pathetic to you guys however something I never would have done in the past. She was butt hurt but I didn’t flinch. We went to bed without saying a word to each other. Funny how the next day when talking on the phone she finished every conversation with ILY, even randomly sent me ILY text randomly. Had sex that night and I went off on her.

It’s so obvious to me that I need to build a frame not made of popsicle sticks and become the prize not only physically. I will slowly right this ship and fix this fucked up mindset. This sub has helped a ton, I’m no longer angry at her and confused. This is my own fuckin fault, it’s now up to me to make it right.

keepingittogether20 · 2020-10-20T15:33:29+00:00

OYS 32

38y.o. 6'0" 187 lbs 17.5% BF (Navy Method) Wife 34y.o. 5'11"178lbs, Married 11 years, now separated, Kids 9(m) 6(f)

Reading/SB

NNMNG, MMSLP, King Warrior Magician Lover, MAP, Poon, The King Within, TWOTSM, Pook, Rational Male, Manly Marriage Revival, Practical Female Psychology for the Practical Man, WISNIFG, Bang, Meditations, Dead Bedroom Fix, BPP- SLSM, Youtube Archetype Videos, Tons of Athol Kay & Entrepreneurs in Cars. Pinned Sidebar + Links within those, The Tao of Steve.

Physical

Strength

Day A: BP: 160x10, 3x 210x5, 160x10, DL: 3x 210x5 Tricep overhead w/45lb plate 3x12

Day B: Bent over row: 3x 105x10, OHP 3x 105x10 Squat 3x 105x10, Shoulder fly 25lb plates 3x8

Plank 1 minute 3 days

50+ hits to punching bag with each workout.

Body weight squat and hold 30 seconds daily

Diet

High protein, vegetables, seasonal fruit. Protein shakes after workouts.

Hygiene

Staying Clean, keeping my beard trimmed, keeping the house clean

Style

Broke out my winter coat, looks good.

Fat

I held my position from last week. I am starting to see little bits of definition in my abs. I am working to lose the fat while keeping and building muscle.

Goals

Repeat of last week, I did not schedule annual well man visit, dermatologist visit, so need to do that this week.

Mental

I did much better on sleep this week. There was only one night with less than 6 hours. Every other night was 6-7. I am continuing melatonin before laying down and for now am ok with this. It is easier for me to control my thoughts and stay motivated on the days I get enough sleep.

I have been getting outside whenever I can, and am rereading parts of different articles and books that have helped me out. I am also talking to a therapist which is going so-so. I don’t love the validation but am getting good advice on grief management.

I have journaled each day, and looked back to see that I have made several improvements in my overall well-being in the past few weeks.

Goals: Go to sleep by 1 nightly

Mission

Short Term: Get myself centered and inwardly calm. **This week moved me towards this goal again. I am not quite where I want to be, but getting closer. I picked up some good ideas last night, specifically about the flow of energy that I will apply and see how it works.

Goal: Continue to seek out my long term mission.

Family

My kids are great kids and I am making the most out of the time that I get with them. My son is still testing boundaries and ends up in his room more frequently than I would like, but he needs to trust that when he crosses a boundary that there will be a consistent consequence. My daughter is extremely clingy but is coming out of her shell the more time I spend with her doing creative play.

I have re-taken some of the school responsibilities because my wife was letting them slip through the cracks.

Goals: A solid hour each of playing, provide solid leadership

Social / Hobbies

Solid week socially. I talked to a couple of good friends over the phone, hung out with a friend on Friday night, and went golfing with a group of friends on Sunday. We had a good time, decided we would make it a monthly thing, and already made plans to do it again in November.

Poker night is this Friday.

I have applied to be a volunteer firefighter in the city immediately next to mine. There are some life skills that I would like to get out of it, I am interested in how a department works, and the kid in me wants to play with fire trucks/fire equipment.

Goal: Reach out to 2 friends, enjoy poker night. Look into other hobbies

Career

2 solid people from my team put their notice in yesterday. One is an indirect report, one is a direct report. Both are huge losses. The indirect report is not something I can do anything about.. His dad started a successful business and wants him to join it. I would do the same thing in his shoes. My direct report said it was an issue with the company owners not hearing her concerns about the high pressure environment, and the high pressure environment in general (we are a sales-focused company). I am digging to see where I could have done differently, but so far she has said that I am the reason she stayed on an additional year longer than she wanted to. It is going to shake things up, and I am in full succession planning mode right now.

My focus continues to improve, and I continue to make moves/get shit done.

I am now on a consistent schedule of working 3 days a week from home and will continue this as long as possible. The bosses don’t love it but I do.

Finances

I negotiated some extra cash out of the mortgage company that screwed up my closing. $1300 for an hour of pushing them- definitely worth the hour.

Goals: Stay the course

donmcde · 2020-10-20T15:44:19+00:00

OYS

Last OYS was 5 Months Ago

30, 5'7, 154, no kids, married 2 yeas, together 3

MISSION

~~Live a life of congruency where I am never tempted to lie about my actions~~
~~Work towards financial independence.~~
~~Be mentally, physically, socially, emotionally, and spiritually fit.~~
~~Bring value to my relationships~~

Reading what I wrote from 5 months ago, they just sound like lip service and buzzwords. I don't really identify with any of it. Other than a nebulous long term goal of wanting to FIRE, I don't really have a solid picture in mind of my ideal future. I need to work on this, as I think it may underlie current issues.

READING

NMMNG, WISNIFG, Models, MMSLP, Book of Pook, Rational Male, SGM, MAP, WOTSM, Bang, Day Bang (was a little too try-hard for me and I put it down about 1/3 of the way through),

Can’t Hurt Me, The Dichotomy of Leadership, Deep Work

I'm going to start focusing on some books on mindset after I finish my current one (Basic Economics).

PHYSICAL

I've flirted with Power Lifting for a few months, but then I realized that I don't care about being strong (not really). I just want to be jacked, so I've gone back to a bodybuilding-focused workout plan. I've experimented with different frequencies and 4-days a week seems to be my sweet spot. I can do 5-days/wk for 2-4 weeks, but any more than that, I knock myself out for a week. I'm in a slight caloric surplus so the workouts have been feeling great. I limit my workouts to one-hour and that's forced me to cut down on down time with my head in the game. A greater focus on stretching and strengthening stabilizers has gotten rid of most of my pain (only elbow pain is left).

I make protein overnight oats for breakfast, have non-baked protein balls in the fridge for snacks and drink about 55g protein shake about an hour before workouts. The issue of running out of steam during workouts is now non-existent. Eating breakfast again has also gotten rid of that slump that follows lunch after spiking my insulin after such a long period of fasting.

I'm still slacking on Cardio. My long term goal is to alternate cardio and Yoga in the mornings before work and lift in the afternoons. My life is currently not set up to permit that. The fix is simple, go to bed and wake up early. I've been dragging my feet on making the change for weeks. I need to nut up and do it.

MENTAL

This is my main issue currently. I dug up my MAP (that hasn't been looked at since May of last year) and I've made huge progress since then. A lot of previously red/yellow things are now solidly green. I've made progress, but I'm far from satisfied with where I'm at.

I have leaks in my life. I'm leaking time, motivation and focus. I am having a really hard time applying myself at work. I find my mind wondering during meetings and not putting forth my best efforts; I'm essentially coasting, and I don't hate that (and that I hate). Thinking back to the times when I was hyper focused in life, two things were always true.

I always saw how it fit into the bigger picture. In other words, I had a mission.
I had a streamlined life with very few distractions. Yesterday, I cut out a lot of things. I uninstalled Instagram, the only social media app on my phone (was average 2 hours/week). I uninstalled a mobile game that I was playing out of habit more than anything, as it stopped being fun months ago. I cleared my hard drive of all porn (first time doing this). I need to resist filling up this freed up time with more junk and that should force me to focus my time in the productive outlets that are left.

RELATIONSHIP & SEX

I get sex whenever I want it. Being on a slight caloric surplus has been accompanied by an uptick in sex drive. Unless she's on her period, wife now always wears lingerie to bed.

CAREER & FINANCE

I've been just meh at work for the last few months. I was week-on-week-off at the start of lockdown. I thought it was due to that, but I'm still meh after returning to work full time. Work is just a thing I do because I have to. I'm convinced it's because I don't have a mission and don't see how it fits into it.

I was checking up on all my accounts (I do this 2-3 times a year) and realized that we've made huge progress in the two years we've been together. When we first got married, we had a net worth of -$45K with no emergency fund. Last week, I realized I had $45K in retirement accounts with a fully funded emergency fund. She's back to school (until fall '21) for a career change that'll earn $20K more than she was making as a teacher. We developed good habits while paying off the debt. As long as we're careful of lifestyle creep, we're well on our way to FIRE. My original estimate of 20 years will probably end up being way more conservative than necessary.

SOCIAL

Nothing has really changed, because of 'rona. My best friend lives two hours away. His pregnant wife is in Florida, so he visits her a lot. Since I'm in the military, wasn't really able to visit him because of this (my restrictions are more strict than most). He finally had a two week span where he wasn't in Florida, so I was able to visit him and just shoot the shit for a day. It was good guy time. He's taking a break from Florida visits so he'll come spend a weekend after two weeks of no symptoms.

I’ve decided to learn Japanese, because, why not. It's been slow and steady progress, but a couple days I was watching a show where I understood every word in a sentence. Took literally months to get to this, but talking with other learners, it should be exponential since a small core vocab makes up the majority of words used in any language.

NEXT WEEK

Cardio x2
Iron out the rough outline of a Mission

MRP-CPA · 2020-10-20T16:03:53+00:00

OYS #1

Age 33, Ht 6’0”, Wt 174 lbs, BF 20%, Wife 29, Married 9 years together 11, Kids 3 under 7.

Lifts: Squat 175, Overhead Press 100, Deadlift 215, Bench Press 120, Row 145.

Background: I came upon MRP about a year in a half ago. I was trying to find ways to improve my sex life and passion in marriage. I have been reading many posts on MRP during the past year and passively trying to apply MRP philosophy to my life. I didn’t think I needed to post on OYS because I didn’t see the value. However, in the last week I’ve had a change of heart and decided that it is important to write things down, at the very least to get an idea of how much progress has been made. In the last year in a half I’ve gone from never lifting in my life to lifting regularly three days a week. I’ve read No More Mr Nice Guy, Married Man Sex Life Primer, The Mindful Attraction Plan, The 48 Laws of Power and the Sex God Method. My wife and I were raised in a very sheltered and religious environment. We both dated around during high school but lost our virginity to each other on our wedding night. We were also very chaste in our relationship before marriage. I played with her boobs regularly but that is about as far as we went before marriage. We are still very religious and I believe religion adds a lot of value to my life. We live a very traditional family lifestyle, where I work to support our family and she stays home to take care of the children and house. Overall, we rarely fight and have an excellent relationship. She was probably a HB9 before children. Before I came across MRP, sex was once a week and a zero on the enthusiasm level from my wife. I was looking for a solution to make my wife more enthusiastic in bed when I found MRP. I came to realize that I was raised to become a Beta husband and that my actions were hurting my sex life with my wife. I’m still working through many things and have a long ways to go.

Mental: Currently reading The Daily Stoic, The way of the Superior Man and Poor Charlie’s Almanack. I’m working on spending time every day meditating on my goals and my desired future. I plan every Sunday for the upcoming week. Goals: Read every day for at least 30 minutes, mediate every day for at least 10 minutes.

Physical: Currently I’m still skinny fat. I had never lifted weights before in my life until about a year ago. During Covid I purchased a small home gym so I can basically follow the strong lifts program. I have gotten stronger. Shirts are starting to get tighter in the arms and chest. I lifted 3 times last week but I injured my knee playing sports and have had to cut out the squat portion of my lifts since then. I weighted 170 about 6 months ago and got up to 180. I decided to start cutting a bit to get back to 170. My largest concern with my body is my belly fat. I do not count calories or macros. I probably need to start. I’ve noticed, the more I workout, the more my wife works out. Goals: Lift 2 times and hike 50 miles this weekend.

Marriage: As stated above marriage is generally good. We rarely fight. Sex has been increased to twice a week. Generally she is around a 2 out of 10 in enthusiasm right now during sex. We have a 6 month old which is a lot of work for my wife waking up to nurse so I will forgive her a little bit for not always being DTF. About two weeks ago, she masturbated in front of me for the first time ever. It is very taboo for her and she never dared tell me she ever masturbated until about 3 years ago. I consider that progress that she is feeling comfortable to open up to me sexually about things she is ashamed of. I am trying to teach her that not only do I not judge her for being a sexual being but that I want her to be more sexual. I’m hoping to keep pushing her boundaries. Active dread is an aspect of MRP that I’ve been unable to put into practice. Goals: Have a happy and fun marriage.

Family: As mentioned about we do have a 6 month old so family can be a lot at the moment. Our older children are starting to get more independent. One is in school 5 days a week and the other 2 days a week. At home I’m the leader and generally plan the fun family activities and all the vacations. We try to travel frequently. Goals: Raise healthy, independent children.

Social: One activity last week with the guys playing sports. I enjoy playing various sports and like to get out. I had one of my better games actually until I tweaked my knee a bit. Goals: Find time to play sports with buddies.

Financial: We have been trying to live within a strict budget since August but are failing. My goal is to retire when my youngest child graduates from High School. If we can live within the budget I set that is completely possible. We haven’t been able to do that yet and have gone over by about $200 per month. We are on pace for that in October again. I will get a raise in January. I’m hoping that my take home can increase to solve this problem for me. We will also see how November goes. Goals: Retire when my youngest graduates from high school.

STFUBOUNDARIESFRAME · 2020-10-25T18:52:57+00:00

OYS #1

Age: 27, partner: Left after I held my frame. 4 year relationship. No kids.

5'7, weak, skinny, hardly ate after abuse. Apparently low appetite is common. Failed to eat for 4-5 days. Had a meal yesterday.

LIFTS: Virtually non existant. Dumbbells sometimes.

READING: Half way through the sidebar. Slow. Undisciplined. Mostly revolved around fixing her cluster b behavior. Used to read widely. Gave it all up to 100% focus on fixing my relationship and partner.

MAIN WEAKNESS: Frameless bitch. No real frame. Co-dependancy. Needs outside sources for a sense of reality. Lack my own mental point of origin. Without people to validate me, to lead, or to persuade, I lose identity. Difficulty doing things for myself and by myself. Shame and guilt for focusing on myself. Sexual guilt and shame around sex. History of heavy porn use to experience sexual pleasure with a distraction from the shame and guilt. Used porn yesterday. Will not be doing it again. Will be facing the shame and guilt instead of distracting from it. I have no idea how to stop feeling it.

STRENGTH: I can use game. I can hold frame. I can form connections with others. Downside. Faking it doesn't work long term. I use the red pill without understanding or being the red pill.

PURPOSE: Get strong. Become the Redpill.

Spending time with myself and on myself is the hardest thing for me to do at the moment. It makes me feel sick at times. I feel deep fear. I have to concentrate at all times to focus on myself or I slip into focusing energy on something else outside of myself. Self-interest? Hardly. I give to get as a response and coping mechanism for not being able to look after myself. I could offer you some "help" right now. It will make me feel a bit better about myself.

MENTAL HEALTH: Poor. If i am not useful I feel as though I don't exist. I am addicted to giving to get. NMMNG really needs to become my bible. I'm holding onto something old. Something I'm afraid to lose. The fantasy of unconditional love won by self-sacrifice. Self-sacrifice that has zero moral merit. If anything, it has negative moral merit. I am harming myself and others by being this way. It motivates me to think of an outside reason to change. To not hurt others. To stop hurting myself is harder to connect to. I need this book. Even writing this out I have switched. I can feel myself become more my own mental point of origin. It won't last unless I make it last.

THINGS I HAVE: I can hold frame with constant attention and will toward it. I can hold boundaries in a compassionate way that isn't disconnecting or attempts to make the other feel bad. I value my well-being enough now that I will not tolerate it being devalued. I will be meeting girls through game and tinder, so I will report on their response to me and any changes. I have noticed that since practicing Frame, STFU, Boundaries, and focus on myself, women look at me. A lot. So there is something they are noticing which tells towards positive masculine changes.

GOALS BY NEXT WEEK: Gone to the gym a few times. Follow a day schedule that priorities self-care and self-development. Eat 3 meals a day. Read NMMNG like a bible that I keep with me. Join a co-dependency zoom call and a sex addiction zoom call to try to release toxic shame.

rib_bay_row · 2020-10-20T10:00:08+00:00

OYS #2 20/10/20

Stats: 24 yo 190cm (6’3) 82,5kg (181,5 lbs) 11%BF (Navy) Single

Lifts: SL 5X5: BP: 67.5 kg (148.5 lbs) DL: 110 kg (242 lbs) [RP: 100kg (220 lbs)] SQ: 115 kg (253 lbs) OHP 40 kg (88 lbs)

Why am I here?

BP’d my whole life, nice guy and emotional intelligence of a 5yo. I have a very hard time owning my shit and understanding myself, I’m here to change that.

My Mission?

Be the best version of myself, while deeply understanding myself.

Reading

NMMNG, AMS book, WISNIFG, Rational Male, (TWOTSM, 48 LoP) – These last two are way above my pay grade

Reading: The Mindful Attraction Plan

Physical and Lifting – Leg discomfort

On my last OYS there was a bit of a discussion about why my lifts are shit. I think I’m just weak and just need to eat more and lift more weights. There were some suggestions about some tweaks on my deadlift program, but I don’t want to jump around programs this early so I will keep this program for the next 4-5 weeks and then re-evaluate.

Ate around 200 g protein a day, managed to gain 0.5 kg (1.1lbs)

Now the bad news, in leg day, while I was doing lunges, felt a stretch on my right leg (between adductor and hamstring, near the glute). It didn’t sting but I got a discomfort similar to when your muscles are sore, I stopped the session as I don’t like to force this type of shit.

Two days later, leg feels good so I go for deadlift day, in the warmups felt it again, tried to power trough it but was afraid to rip something and I don’t think it’s worth it, ended up doing rack pulls instead (as it was recommended to me last week) and it felt way better.

I will try to ease into it on leg day, and if I see it hurts I will do only accessory exercises.

Any advice here would be appreciated.

Work & Finances – Main Focus

The week started off awful again, not much progress, however had a surge of inspiration on Sunday and have kind of switched mindsets to “Lets fucking be successful” and this somehow works, I’ve been more productive and have worked in hours I don’t usually do. I don’t know why this works, and I think the motives behind it aren’t the best, but it works, it will do for now. I talk more about it on “mental”.

The finances were neglected but by the end of the week I read a bit more of the Bachelor pad Economics.

Family & Social & Hobbies

Hung out with friends that I hadn’t seen in weeks, it was a good time and some interesting conversations. I used to feel kind of left out as I’m kind of the outsider, but I just accept it for what it is and was able to have a good time.

Had a conversation with the most red pill friend I have, it was nice to have a somewhat deep conversation.

Lacked in the family department, I’m an ungrateful prick who takes them for granted, so yeah, need to improve here.

Purpose

Finally started working on something that I’ve found interesting for a while, it’s still early to know if this has potential, but I’m happy I started at least, and it was cool since a friend of mine that I see as a fatherly figure works in this field.

Mental

Sudden motivation and where it came from: Came across the Instagram of a HB8 who posted pics and stories on Instagram doing cool shit, but also studying, drawing, doing DIY, gymnastic stuff, lifting weights etc.

It is very weird why this somehow motivated me, I’m aware these are the highlights and its really easy to portray a cool lifestyle online (I do this shit) but I realized I’m not on the level where I feel like I can have a girl like this, and I want to be at this level, not necessarily to get the girls, but to know I can. I think this mindset isn’t the best since it’s kind of validation seeking and comparing myself to others, to be honest I don’t really know why I want to be at that level, but I refuse to accept that it is solely for women, if it is, I’ve got a lot to reflect on.

Besides this episode, I also watched a podcast of one of those “How to be confident in 5 steps” type dudes, and it made me really respect his hustle, and some of the stuff he said really stuck with me.

I think these both merged to the “Let’s be successful goddammit” mindset. Maybe not the best motives behind it but its working for now.

Women

Still scared shitless of cold approaching.

Hung out with my plate and had 2 dates this week, I took something out of all of them

Plate: It wasn’t easy to have sex due to logistics, but I wanted a blowjob. Old me would have been way too scared to ask for it, but I was able to successfully lead her and got what I wanted without “giving” anything in return. This was great because I’ve never had a blowjob just for the sake of it.

The bad part was that I wasn’t able to bust. I think it’s a mix of the quality of the blowjob (have to lead her to what I want), the fact that it was in a semi public place (overthinking?) and the main one, my subconscious mindset. I think I was too worried about her reaction (“what if I cum on her hair and get it dirty, how will she react”), so maybe a covert contract that I wasn’t even aware. I’ve had this issue before with texting or talking to girls. I became aware and fixed it. I have to do it for my sex life somehow.

Date 1: 2nd date with girl 1. I don’t go for the kiss on the first one because im not good at escalating yet and I don’t like the “pressure” of having to kiss close, also and probably mainly because of my ego and fear of rejection.

Date went well, by the end of the date where I usually go for a kiss, to my surprise I could see in her body language she wasn’t down, so we just gave a hug and left. My hamster was going crazy but then I stopped and realized that I’m not gonna try and understand women, I have to improve my game and that’s all. Decided to soft next her, if she asks for another date I’ll tell her to come to my town and that’s that. This was a good decision as before I think I would have hamstered my way into becoming needy for her, so here is an improvement.

After the date she texted something along the lines of “thanks for being a gentleman (shitty private joke), you might have conquered my heart”. This was premium fuel for my hamster to shoot into the stars, but listen to what they do not what they say. I gave a short answer (“we will see”) and that’s that.

Date 2: First date with girl 2. She wasn’t that cute, she smoked and had a bit of a masculine personality. The conversation was cool, but yeah, I told myself I would not be with girls I didn’t find that attractive just for sex.

A funny thing I noticed, is that whereas in the past I used to say I liked girls who didn’t act like girls (emotional), I found it somewhat unattractive that this girl didn’t act like a girl in that sense. I think I’m starting to appreciate femininity now that I somewhat grasp it.

Strategic Objectives: Build strength without injuring myself, maximize career options and socialize often

Goals: Finish master thesis, eliminate covert contracts, fix the lack of motivation

TakeIIRP · 2020-10-20T14:13:11+00:00

OYS 1

31, together 11yr, married 7, and career beta, spawns 2 yo & 3 mo.

5'5, 170.4lbs 24%bf. Current SL5X5 working weight - Bench 155lbs, Squat 180lbs, DL 230lbs, Row 125lbs, Press 95lbs.

Physical

SL5x5 till I can't. Been retarded and inconsistent all year. Focusing on the basics.

Career

Steady. Working on certifications to make a slight career change. Same field. Different area. Waiting on grad school admissions.

Marriage

Lots of work to do on myself. Ramboed and jumped into 75Hard without thinking logistics of the two workouts per day and work schedule. Instead following my own variation for now.

This did lead to some arguments about her not getting time for herself and a break from the boys. May not have been the best choice but I made my own variation of 75Hard to focus on habits that I've been neglecting.

Following a diet
Reading 10 pages per day - Currently on NMMNG then the rest of the side bar. Prerequisites first.
Working out daily - Lifting, yoga, or cardio

Part of me wants to find the solution for her to find time away from the boys. Instead I'm just taking them on walks or putting the oldest to bed after story time while holding the youngest. Not offering to fix her time problem but just doing it.

Summary

Continue my current plan and building my habits till they're just the things I do. I've been a career beta for so long and I'm tired of it.

Focus right now is making sure my kids are fine, my physical, and my career.

Continue to make strides for myself.

beta_game · 2020-10-20T15:41:31+00:00

10/20/20

OYS # 9

39 5’7” 169lbs, wife 43, married 11 years, together about 17. Kids 11,7

It has almost been one year to the day of my last OYS post. Reading through HOAs one year results post really hit hard and I have decided to commit to posting every week for the next 52 weeks.

Lifts:

Don’t have my log with me at work but let’s just say it doesn’t reflect a man who has been putting in the work for a year. I’ll post them tonight.

Edit: BP-130x10 OHP-75x10 BORow-100x10

Reading

Have read the side bar, some of the books more than once and/or skimmed through parts to refresh. Currently reading through HOAs 1 year OYS

Health

Still on TRT, I have lowered my dose a little and added a small amount of deca for my joints. Have lost 10lbs since last year and gained some muscle. I have not been very consistent in my training and my diet has not been dialed in. Just recently completed 4 weeks with a professional body building/diet coach who set me up with a workout schedule and macro counting diet (high protein low fat), I have made the most progress so far following this and even though my scale weight has not dramatically changed the progress pics did show some improvement with muscle definition. I still continue to do either intervall/boxing/Krav Maga 2xweek at my other gym along with weight lifting.

What I plan to improve, completely stop drinking and smoking starting this week. I have been using nicotine gum as a crutch and still having a cigarette every day and fitting a nightly drink(s) around my calorie intake. I have quit both before in the past and the only thing that is going to work is cold turkey.

Career/Finances

Paid off about 35k in student loan debts this year, put a couple grand into savings account and am investing a little into crypto/alt coins and some crypto mining stocks. Have been consistent with my monthly budgets. Work wise I could be doing a lot better as far as motivation and attitude. I’ve been needing some very specific training for my job and was planning on just paying for it myself and using PTO to travel to the facility, my employer finally agreed to pay for everything and then the quarantine happened so I will not be able to travel for work related business until this shit is over.

Social

Haven’t been very social this year due to everything going on in the world. I did take my dad out for beers and we had a good time talking and sharing stories. Hung out with my younger brother and we plan to go shooting soon and try out my new Glock.

My MMA gym is my primary source of socializing and I have been training the last week for an instructor certification to start teaching the beginner Krav levels at the gym. This has been challenging both on a physical level (my training partner is 6’6” 250lb ex football player, my rib cage is still sore after surviving his hammer fist to my chest for a minute straight) but also on a mental level as an introvert being the center of attention is not usually my thing but I feel I have made a lot of progress in my confidence to instruct and lead the curriculum, I still have a lot more to learn here and pushing my boundaries/being uncomfortable is the only way to grow.

Family

Have had a lot of time over the summer to take my boys out to the park, ride bikes, hike and little adventures. I really enjoy spending time with them and scored some youth boxing gloves and focus mits so we can spar together sometimes. I also took the family on a mini vacation this summer to a larger city about 350 miles away from us, planned and made all the reservations and had an itinerary of activities everyone could choose from. Areas Im leading well in is keeping family spending within the budget, I plan all the shopping and get meal plans for the following week together with input from everyone and I generally do the shopping myself but will defer it to the wife like I did this last weekend since I was in training.

Relationship

My progress in my marriage has been as inconsistent as the work I have put into owning my shit. Sex is still consistant with her iniating much of the time but I haven’t crushed my ego, I still get butt hurt thinking I deserve more enthusiasm. I have lead my wife to some good sex (SGM) and out of many of her depressed moods, but I get lazy and coast for awhile. I need to stay consistent and hold my own self accountable in all areas of my OYS.

I’m still operating in my wifes frame, still a bundle of stix, still have covert contracts, still fat, still weak, still put pussy before my mission, still don't have a mission.

Goals: Completely quit drinking and all nicotine products starting this week

Continue with my workout and diet routine, keep consistent with my lifts and progression

Continue with my instructor cert training and pass the physical test

I need to drop my ego and stop lying to myself, reflect on what really is important and drives me, what has been holding me back and decide what my purpose is and develop a mission. 1 year and I still don't have a clear mission, gay as fuck

sidepiecebandit · 2020-10-22T03:13:24+00:00

OYS #38

33, 5'7, 165.2 lbs, 15% BF

Did fuck all regarding my mission this past week. I need to look into organization of limited partnership, and speak with the other general partner about split and drafting the agreements.

Had an interview on Monday for a more senior role in my department. Pitted against colleagues who've been here longer, but don't do better work. Whether I get it or not, great learning experience for my blind spots. Resume has been revised and will continue applying for other jobs. I'm coming 2 years at this current company, and looking for a pay bump. If I don't get something by start of the new year, I'm out within 6 months.

One of my goals over the last few years has been to lead my younger brothers towards improving themselves. Showing a proper model. I was shit before, but now I have few things I can impart. One of them started responding after a year of active discussion. The other just recently turned the bend. Only took 3 years of fucking his life up and ignoring me. Over the weekend, he explicitly stated that he should have listened to me. Honestly, he just didn't respect me or my advice. Don't blame him. But now he sees my guidance helping him out of several ruts (financially, personally, socially). I just need to keep applying gentle pressure until he can properly own his shit. His unpredictable behaviour is the biggest challenge to my frame right now.

Slowly bulking, but finding it difficult to gorge myself with all this food. No longer counting calories, but watching my average weight for the week. Aiming for .5 to 1 lbs of weight gain each week. Currently on track.

Cancelled a date with plate over the weekend as I wasn't feeling well. Will set something up tomorrow.

Except for Blood Meridian, didn't do my readings. Will have to focus on NMMNG exercises this week.

Last week left much to be desired. My fault. I must own.

Title	Own Your Shit Weekly - October 20, 2020
Author	AutoModerator
Upvotes	27
Comments	383
Date	October 20, 2020 8:10 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/jel83l/own_your_shit_weekly_october_20_2020/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/own-your-shit-weekly-october-20-2020.1194177 https://theredarchive.com/post/1194177

Comments

OYS #6

What I can improve:

What I improved:

Goals:

OYS #40

Health

Relationship

Goals

Stats