Why do women cause dead bedrooms but get upset when their husbands cheat?

Love-Is-Selfish · 2024-02-24T21:37:58+00:00

If you're a man trapped in a loveless marriage and aren't getting your needs fulfilled, and on top of that, your wife blames you for her being the way she is, why wouldn't you look elsewhere to fulfill those needs? Just imagining being married to such a woman sounds like a nightmare.

Yeah, that’s why you divorce her. Cheating isn’t fair to her, doesn’t solve the issue and interferes with you finding a better woman for yourself. Alternatively, you could open the marriage.

EulenWatcher · 2024-02-24T21:50:14+00:00

If you scroll dead bedroom sub, you'll see that some LL partners do offer their HL spouses to get sex on a side. Not everyone is comfortable with it though and generally a chronic dead bedroom situation has very high chances to end in divorce. Opening your marriage seems just to prolong the overall suffering.

Jambi1913 · 2024-02-24T22:22:37+00:00

Because cheating is never justified. Full stop. It’s cowardly, deeply disrespectful and just plain immoral.

You’re not satisfied with your marriage? Communicate that, tell your spouse something needs to change and show improvement or you sadly can’t continue the relationship. Give them time to work on it. No one is going to go from “I’m not in the mood, my libido is toast” to “I’m so hot for you - let’s do it now and every day from now on!” because you gave an ultimatum. Would a man actually want that? A resentful BJ? Starfish to just “give him what he wants” to fulfil her obligation?

If one of the posts you’re referencing is the same one I’m thinking of, that man gave his wife little time to work on why she wasn’t as interested in sex as she used to be and try to work towards improving it. You can’t just turn a key and a woman’s motor starts right up - especially if she’s been affected by pregnancy and birth and raising an infant, which can all have massive hormonal impacts on physical and mental health. Asking what he is doing is valid - how he is trying to change to help her get in the mood? Sex is not one sided and it’s not some constant, immutable desire. It may be for him and it’s not his fault her drive has changed, but if he wants to regain satisfaction with her, he needs to help his spouse figure out what’s going on and try things on his end to help. He also has to want to be with her and find her worthwhile aside from sex - which the poster I’m thinking of indicated he did not (I believe he said without satisfactory amounts of sex she was a net negative in his life).

If that doesn’t work or the spouse shows no interest in addressing the issues, then you ask for a divorce. You gave it your best shot, but you’re no longer compatible. Cheating is not understandable or acceptable ever. Your wife could be the biggest wet blanket, frigid, nagging harpy and it’s not justified. Divorce If you don’t like her anymore and she’s not worth putting up with unless you can get pussy on the side. Divorce It’s really simple to not be a cheating pos. Blaming your own lack of morals, respect for your partner and self control on your wife is detestable.

10throwawayantsy · 2024-02-24T21:45:15+00:00

I'm a woman.

Let's acknowledge women, AND MEN can be trapped in sexless marriages.

I have more empathy than you would think for people in "sexless" relationships, but it's also moronic to neglect your partner emotionally, or behave like a general loser, and then get upset when you don't get sex. Women like men who act like their equal. If a man acts like a teenager, or child, it's extremely repulsive sexually.

However, if your partner is truly a loser in general, you should probably just end the relationship.

Ex- My parents were married for a long time. He cheated compulsively, and always have, even when sex was frequent. She was raised in a traditional household, and made him compensate by getting her expensive shit. Their sex life kind of died, and he "didn't understand why" and refused to take any responsibility for anything.

(As for the above, my mother has poor boundaries, so I know more than I should lol)

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2024-02-24T21:31:47+00:00

If you’re a man trapped in a loveless marriage and aren’t getting your needs fulfilled, why don’t you end the marriage instead of trying to justify cheating?

Soloandthewookiee · 2024-02-24T21:39:23+00:00

Why do women cause dead bedrooms

Why are you assuming women are "causing" dead bedrooms, especially when married people have more sex than anyone?

TSquaredRecovers · 2024-02-24T22:57:58+00:00

They get upset because cheating isn’t the fucking answer. Obviously. If a husband in this scenario isn’t satisfied with his sex life within his marriage, he should ask for divorce. I cannot believe this has to be spelled out to you.

fucksiclepizza · 2024-02-24T21:40:40+00:00

Why would it be surprising that women don't want to fuck their husbands if they're being lazy and act like an extra child.

ArmariumEspada · 2024-02-24T22:04:23+00:00

The worst part about this discourse (and your post title) is that it frames dead bedrooms as strictly a wife with no interest in sex, when it cursory glance at r/DeadBedrooms would prove that there are countless marriages where the husband has lost interest in sex and the wife is suffering from it. Why don’t you write a post about why men cause dead bedrooms and why their wives cheat?

Sharp_Engineering379 · 2024-02-24T22:05:21+00:00

Dead bedrooms are due to people misrepresenting themselves as way more competent and exciting than they actually are. When they secure a commitment, women drop the sex kitten act and men turn into dependent children.

No one wants half the person they married, and the resentment builds and people lose their interest in carrying the weight of both partners.

If men don’t want dead bedrooms, they can continue to be the man he presented when fabricating his entire persona to win her over.

Professional_Chair28 · 2024-02-24T21:57:34+00:00

Generally the men have a hand at “causing” a dead bedroom.

Sure it’s rarely a black and white “you didn’t do the dishes, so I won’t have sex with you”. But if every day is full of your wife nagging you about your dirty dishes, then understandably she’s going to have a hard time feeling sexually attracted to someone she’s tired of mothering everyday.

SmallSituation6432 · 2024-02-24T21:34:42+00:00

same shit different day.

man cheats, then it must be the woman's fault.

The answer of course is that any guys using this logic is just a fucking coward that won't divorce his wife he hates and rationalizes cheating. Men can file for divorce, maybe one of the reasons women are so quick to file first is they know men are going to come up with shit like this.

Few-Laugh-6508 · 2024-02-24T21:50:42+00:00

There isn't justification to cheat.

Mean_Investigator491 · 2024-02-24T23:03:31+00:00

So… this is an interesting post.. I am one of these men.. my wife says she loves me and is attracted to me but just doesn’t want sex because she just done with sex in her life and is fine with it.. so.. I cheat… but.. this goes both ways.. the women I have had affairs with have been in the exact same situation with husbands who have lost their libido … yes it’s more common for the man to be in a DB but it does go both ways .. so it’s unfair to say this is something women cause

Safinated · 2024-02-24T21:43:25+00:00

Because they’re not cheating, obviously

r2k398 · 2024-02-24T22:27:22+00:00

I wouldn't cheat, I would just get a divorce. Why would I want to be sneaking around when I could just end it and do what I want? I tell me wife the same thing. I tell her that she doesn't have to cheat. She can just divorce me if she doesn't want to be faithful to me.

SecondEldenLord · 2024-02-25T01:42:56+00:00

I would say cheating is always wrong no matter what form both parties. They should leave instead of cheating.

MistyMaisel · 2024-02-25T03:53:14+00:00

Sexless periods happen in marriage, especially when women aren't happy with their men. Doesn't justify his going elsewhere to fuck.

If a woman isn't pleased with the sex she's receiving from her man is her cheating justified? If a woman doesn't want to fuck her man because he's behaving like some sort of crossbreed between an anchor around her neck and a child making him completely sexually undesirable is she justified to cheat?

No. Because the promises of marriage and monogamy do not have a clause of, "except if I really really want sex and you aren't putting out or viable".

SIeight_of_Hand · 2024-02-24T21:52:20+00:00

If the guy got lazy and added some weight, his behaviors made him basically for granted, mix in a woman's aversion to take blame and dancing around the fact she isn’t attracted to him anymore, that’s one way you get a dead bedroom.

GridReXX · 2024-02-24T22:40:21+00:00

Sure he can be dissatisfied with his sex life and choose to cheat.

But this goes both ways.

If the reason she’s not interested in sex is because she’s not aroused by him or his actions or because she never has orgasms with him/the sex is unenjoyable then that means she’s not satisfied with her sex life either. So she has just as much reason to choose to cheat as he does if the justification as “dissatisfaction with sex life.”

It’s just that his lack of satisfaction is due to frequency. He feels punished by the lack of sex.
And it’s just that her lack of satisfaction is due to lack of arousal for him or lack of enjoyment when having sex with him. She feels punished when they do have sex.

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autumncolors816 · 2024-02-24T23:19:36+00:00

I would beg to differ on that. I am a more than willing woman. But when my SO post that his “ideal” is 5’9” and 420 - no where near my measurements. I am 5’5” and a bit over 300. Then this smart guy has the audacity to not understand why I’m a bit turned off!! Our bedroom gets action minimum 2 times per day - on average 10-14 times per week.
I pay half the rent and make dinner. The men wonder WHY we are just a bit put off on the bedroom.
Personally, I am real sick of dissatisfied guys who do everything to throw the household off.

GojosLowerHalf2 · 2024-02-25T06:34:49+00:00

Women don't always cause dead bedrooms. Cheating if your partner refuses to have sex with you isn't right but understandable.

Wide-Illustrator2906 · 2024-02-25T00:11:42+00:00

Dead bedrooms are inevitable in modern day relationships. There's simply not enough attractive men to go around.

Nellylocheadbean · 2024-02-24T22:11:26+00:00

Women “cause” dead bedrooms because she’s not attracted to the man anymore.

I think she wouldn’t be upset about cheating as long as she’s allowed to do it too. The man should bring up that he wants to have sex elsewhere and she should be allowed to explore other men too.

Cethlinnstooth · 2024-02-24T22:47:45+00:00

Generally, for a woman who is making a bedroom dead, the dead bedroom is the manifestation of a phase of grief.

Deep down she knows the marriage is crap, nearly dead and needs to die but she was heavily invested in her marriage and she's got grieving to do before she can accept it is dead and walk away. So maybe she's angrily feeling unsexy like damn that shitty man I hate him so much I just want to gouge his eyes out when he leans in for a kiss, or maybe it's denial... she's feeling unsexy but she's denying the lack of desire is related to the state of the marriage or that things are really that bad or maybe it's bargaining...she's thinking if she can just hold on a while and survive it will all come good eventually...or maybe just straight out depression.

So it's really not surprising you get an explosion of anger if you cheat on the marriage that has a dead bedroom...anger being part of the grieving process and you've just given her something that is 100 percent socially acceptable to be angry about.

So ummm...if you want out of the marriage and then cheat because of the dead bedroom I guess well done on helping your soon to be ex get through her grieving extra fast so she more quickly feels justified and comfortable just nuking what's left of the marriage?

LotBuilder · 2024-02-25T01:02:26+00:00

They don’t want you… but they want your time, money and non sexual attention. They know that if another women start sleeping with you, those things are going to disappear. The lose all leverage over you.

JohnStamos_55 · 2024-02-24T21:41:26+00:00

The idea that helping around the house will get your wife to have sex with you is the funniest thing because it just couldn’t be farther from the truth. Just world fallacy

Dr_Click_Click_Boom · 2024-02-25T00:34:40+00:00

Because women like to create the problems that they complain about.

womandatory · 2024-02-24T22:10:36+00:00

Women won’t fuck weak men. If a wife loses desire/attraction for a man, it’s usually because of something he’s done or failed to do. That’s on him.

Stop blaming women for the behavior of shitty men.

Comfortable-Wish-192 · 2024-02-24T22:26:36+00:00

Are you suggesting men can be selfish not help make their wives resent them but still ( though he cares nothing about her need for help) she should care about his needs?

This is why 70 percent of divorces are initiated by women.

GlamSunCrybabyMoon · 2024-02-25T01:02:11+00:00

It’s all fun and games until you have a side baby and your household funds have a new permanent expense. Which is a reality for a lot of people.

boom-wham-slam · 2024-02-24T21:45:45+00:00

Why not just preface any relationship that if I'm not sexually satisfied I'm going to step out and it's not cheating?

Defundisraelnow · 2024-02-24T21:50:26+00:00

Men despise monogamy and grow to resent their wives and children over time. They all want sexual variety and view marriage as a prison. Why would a woman want to have sex with someone like that, who doesn't love, respect or even like them? Men are the ones who cause dead bedrooms. If they would just love their wives and cherish family the world would be a better place.

thetruthishere_ · 2024-02-25T06:49:14+00:00

I'll add, I know more than all of you about dead bedroom as an escort. You can read whatever you want but I 'live it'.

I can say many let themselves go.(not saying women never do to get that out of the way, some sure do) Beer guts, man boobs, hair growing in weird places as they age they dont take care of, looking dumpy, dated, etc.

Also the batch that married a 'religious prude'. There is the batch thats neglectful.

Sure some men just end up there but Im betting 80% is him slacking. He doesn't make his wife Want to F him.

And yes you do for each other but understand your wife may be hot for your beer gut you now have, and lets be real fat shrinks your wanker and doesn't work as well either. Not like I dont know how wankers work on men of all ages, sizes and health.

You also still need to 'court' each other and take care of yourselves. Have date nights, etc. Dont become complacent.

GeneralFig6053 · 2024-02-24T21:37:40+00:00

There doesn’t seem to be such a high level of dead bedroom in relationship dynamics which aren’t 50/50 financially. When the guy actually financially takes care of everything, the women in those relationships are always very appreciative and supportive of their husbands

Dontbiteitok24 · 2024-02-24T22:16:58+00:00

I met a woman who went and found a live one and had a baby. I think he got the point from that point on to do the Honey Do list items or things they like to do together…lol

wtknight · 2024-02-24T22:03:09+00:00

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East-Review6598 · 2024-02-25T00:38:26+00:00

Why do men cause dead bedrooms but get upset when their wife cheat? This Question shouldn't be gendered babes

edgyny · 2024-02-25T03:55:14+00:00

What position do you want to debate about? I don't see any views to challenge etc.

qwertyuduyu321 · 2024-02-25T08:41:58+00:00

Why do women cause dead bedrooms

Partner isn't attractive (enough).

but get upset when their husbands cheat?

well, they're cheating. Being cheated on isn't a pleasant feeling and may upset the person being cheated on.

kvakerok_v2 · 2024-02-26T23:30:43+00:00

Well, r/deadbedrooms sub's ratio is actually skewed towards more women stuck in a dead bedroom, so women don't necessarily "cause" dead bedrooms.

Title	Why do women cause dead bedrooms but get upset when their husbands cheat?
Author	rejected-again
Upvotes	0
Comments	323
Date	February 24, 2024 9:29 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1az5y3y/why_do_women_cause_dead_bedrooms_but_get_upset/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-do-women-cause-dead-bedrooms-but-get-upset.1246348 https://theredarchive.com/post/1246348

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