What advice would you give a man who claims he has "tried everything"

SmokeySunDrops · 2024-09-25T00:19:34+00:00

Someone that put together, and assuming we are close friends since he's asking my advice, I'd take him out myself to local hot spots and do my best to be a wing woman.

Either I can help him bridge the gap, or I can observe firsthand where he's going wrong

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-09-25T01:20:33+00:00

If he's in a career that would allow him to move and still be successful in it, maybe consider moving. Sometimes it's the environment. If he's the kind of guy who likes climbing gyms, craft IPAs, and going to a bunch of events, museums, etc., and he lives in a small town where the local pastime is cow tipping, maybe that's not the right place for him.

If he doesn't want to/can't move - keep trying, I guess. Or give himself a break from trying to meet someone to just enjoy his hobbies and spend time with his friends. Who knows, he might meet someone he clicks with when he's not looking, luck is a big part of dating for your average person.

And if by "below average looking" you mean "he's ugly" - plastic surgery if he can afford it and is something he'd be open to. A rhinoplasty can do wonders.

attendquoi · 2024-09-25T00:19:59+00:00

I'm going to need a photo, because "average face" tells me nothing.
What type of woman meets his standards? That's going to affect my advice
I can't give any advice related to online dating, as I've never done it and never would.

Disastrous-Chart-928 · 2024-09-25T14:22:49+00:00

Honestly, from what I've gathered the 5'5 part is probably going to be an absolutely massive problem assuming he's in the US or West/North Europe.

Money will help but it can only go so far.

Obviously I'm not saying this is fair, but from what I've seen that is way below the average acceptable height for women in those regions.

Suspicious_Glove7365 · 2024-09-25T00:20:39+00:00

do I know this guy well, or are we strangers?

prolixdreams · 2024-09-25T12:30:11+00:00

doesn’t fap

Minor flag for possible issues here. This isn’t a positive, it’s an indicator of a mindset that may be causing trouble. Masturbation is normal, healthy adult behavior.

He sounds like he’s a little obsessed with himself. I would ask him what he wants out of a relationship and what type of woman he’s hoping to meet. (If he starts rattling off statistics instead of imagining how they might relate to each other and what her personality is like we have trouble. We have DOUBLE trouble if he insist she has to be shorter than him.)

I would ask how many FRIENDS he has made in those social clubs and whether they are inviting him out outside of the clubs — this is a good indicator for whether he’s making a good impression there and is a major method used to find a partner (not always directly AT the event but by expanding social networks.)

Dating apps are a hideous nightmare. I agree with the comment up thread, in this situation other than checking the above factors I have to go out with him, wing woman for him a bit if I can, and observe what’s happening directly to give advice.

If he lives in a city I am also recommending speed dating. Might meet a partner, will DEFINITELY get some interesting feedback.

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sad_asian_noodle · 2024-09-25T15:19:24+00:00

For a sec, I thought you meant he sampled and now is bored.

SaBahRub · 2024-09-25T00:26:17+00:00

Keep trying and socializing or give up

And pay for it, if he’s horny

And masturbate. There’s no reason not to

Siukslinis_acc · 2024-09-25T17:06:29+00:00

Improve their social skills, deal with their anxieties, feel comfortable in their skin, be more laid back when interacting with people.

Beaing a people pleasing ball of anxiety tends to be a turn off.

DXBrigade · 2024-09-26T12:55:16+00:00

I would tell him to see a dating coach, try speeddating and to be patient. People in relationships aren't necessarily better than him, they were mostly lucky.

Sadsad0088 · 2024-09-26T14:18:04+00:00

Can you provide a picture example?

Average means nothing and everything (usually means unattractive)

Strange-Salary-1380 · 2024-09-26T14:47:01+00:00

Get off the apps and go be social. Apps are built to judge based off a picture and limited information. They don't convey personality and they favor the pretty people. Join rec leagues, trivia nights, etc that he enjoys and exude confidence. The magic will happen

MonkeyTeals · 2024-09-26T14:52:14+00:00

Keep trying... If that doesn't work? Give up. Or try dating a blind girl, mail-order bride, sex robot, or get a sex worker if he just wants sex.

GridReXX · 2024-09-27T13:12:38+00:00

If he’s my friend, I’d be the judge of how average his face is. I love makeovers, so I’d do my best to see how much we can optimize his natural looks with a different hairstyle, facial hair styling, eyewear, and even little things like how he holds his face/how he smiles/etc.

I’d then be honest with him that he’s probably going to do better with women shorter than himself. Unless he’s hella confident, ballsy, and swaggy. Those types of side are the only below average height men I know who are dating women taller than himself.

I’d then have to observe how he navigates mixed gender convivial gatherings. Is he confident? Does he banter well? Do men and women vibe with him well?

From there I’d have to see how he escalates and flirts and shoots his shot? Is it natural to the situation? Is it too X or too Y? Ya know stuff like that.

And of course this is all assuming he’s even open to going out with me/us to the various social gatherings.

If his comfort is only dating apps. Then idk. We’d have to find some dude his height and his looks who is successful with dating apps, and then study him.

Unique_Mind2033 · 2024-09-27T16:37:51+00:00

I don't have any advice to give him, I think destiny gives us what we deserve, he's sure to find someone beautiful if that's his karma

Cactaceaemomma · 2024-09-28T06:39:46+00:00

Go where the single women are and talk to them. Get a better social life. Make a better dating profile based on what statistically works.

happylittlefaerie · 2024-09-29T20:42:36+00:00

Receding hair line? Use it and rock a buzz cut, slicked back look, or taper fade. This link has a list of 29 haircuts that you can try if you have a receding hairline: https://www.styleseat.com/blog/haircuts-receding-hairline/

Take care of your skin! Do you use a moisturizer and antioxidant serum? If you are in your 30s, you really only need to do these two things and apply SPF.

What do you mean by dress well? Do you know what looks good on your body type? Try clothes or fits that are outside of your comfort zone? Know what colors look good on you?

If you are on dating apps, know what poses are flattering and what aren’t. Learn how to take good selfies. Have a mix of selfies and full body shots. Ask trusted friends or family members to take those shots. Have pictures of you engaging with hobbies mentioned in your profile.

Worried about your height? Wear fitted clothes, monochromatic outfits, outfits with small scale patterns, casual and dressy boots can add 1-2 inches of height, and work on your posture.

Think about investing in a subtle cologne.

Learn what an active listener looks like, practice using body language to show you are warm and engaged, and know how to give good compliments that don’t sexualize her.

You might do some or all of these already but I hope that helps.

I am open to DMs, if you ever have a question, want to run a message by me, or for a profile review. Good luck OP!

ThatBitchA · 2024-09-25T00:24:55+00:00

I'll say it once again.....

My advice to dudes in here.....watch Emily in Paris, Hallmark movies, travel alone, learn something in a class for the simple enjoyment of knowledge, and take yourself to dinner. Date yourself. Treat yourself kindly. Tell yourself, "I love you."

Try it for 1 year. And tell me your dating life hasn't improved. Hell, you might even be in a relationship in 6 months (if that's something you desire).

Go live life and stop obsessing over stats and online drama. Go out and experience things with other humans. Laugh with strangers.

waffleznstuff30 · 2024-09-25T05:25:17+00:00

Back off of dating scrap the apps unplug for a bit. Live your life go travel by yourself. Experiment with things. Do stuff just for the fun of it. Treat yourself better. A lot of men who struggle with dating struggle with confidence and self esteem issues. So doing things to strengthen their sense of self would help.

Dating while having really low self esteem just is a recipe for disaster. And dating is such a dig at self esteem taking time to build it and improve it will help.

Learn how to market yourself. Spend time doing irl activities develop a social circle become a regular at something.

flipsidetroll · 2024-09-25T17:53:48+00:00

Is this man a stranger? Am I his therapist? Why is he coming to me for advice if I don’t know him? How much am I charging him for this advice?

If he’s my friend I would already know all sorts of things about him. And he wouldn’t be in this situation because I am a witch with unbelievable powers so I would bewitched some woman to be with him.

Yip my scenario is as odd as your scenario. Neither makes sense.

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2024-09-25T01:15:59+00:00

Get off the apps

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2024-09-25T06:18:51+00:00

It doesn't matter what he has DONE. You just have to meet the one, that's all. You can't force it, it's fate.

blonde___guardian · 2024-09-25T00:43:51+00:00

Find a mission-driven pastime. This could be church/mosque/synagogue, cleaning up the local wetland, being on the board of a charity, whatever.

I think the advice to get a hobby is fine from a self-esteem perspective, but doing something which shows what kind of person you are works way better. You're showcasing to the women there that you have compatible values, you benefit from the halo effect of helping your community, and you're meeting a demographic that's less likely to be on the mainstream apps. Triple win.

Nellylocheadbean · 2024-09-25T01:51:07+00:00

We’d have to go out together so I can see how he talks to women. I’d bet money it’s how he talks to women, then we can go from there.

TidyMess123 · 2024-09-26T10:04:13+00:00

So when this has happened to me with some of my friends, and there were several areas that desperately needed improvement, where once they were corrected he saw improvement:

posture. Posture is absolutely huge when it comes to attraction. A guy could have the best face and looks, but still completely turn women off from bad posture. There are lots of online resources about posture that guys need to be learning from.
Ill-fitting clothes. This one is most prevalent among American men. A guy could have a six pack and a rocking body, but you would never know because his clothes make all the proportions look off. Like seriously, binge watch some gay eye for the straight guy episodes, their fashion folks go over a lot about where the hem of your pants should fall, and how they should fit, same with tops and the rest of the outfit.
third, a lot of men, especially those with receding hairlines, get really bad haircuts for the hairline they have. When selecting a haircut, you have to work with what you have rather than against it. Find a top celebrity with the same receding hairline pattern as you, and copy how they style their hair, including but not limited to use of product. Jude Law is one such celebrity that comes up often with a typical ‘M’ shaped receding hairline.
lastly - the eyebrows! You should be shaping the eyebrows. Eyebrows punch well above their weight when it comes to altering your overall appearance, and eyebrow shaping is such a huge piece of the grooming puzzle which so many ignore.

When you start looking closely at how TV and movies will take an otherwise attractive person and make them unattractive, these four key areas are how they do it without using makeup. Think of Dwight from the office, the actor is not an unattractive guy, they make him unattractive by giving him a bad hairstyle, putting him in a suit that’s too big for him, having him slouch, and hiding his brow line behind glasses that don’t suit his face.

toasterchild · 2024-09-25T06:07:07+00:00

He sounds really intense does he have a lighter side he could advertise? People tend to want to be around others who make them feel good. If they think the person will be judging their gym habits, diet, what they read they will likely pass. Casual and funny will be an easier sell than someone who wants to be perfect.

Title	What advice would you give a man who claims he has "tried everything"
Author	Kitchen-Row6949
Upvotes	41
Comments	312
Date	September 25, 2024 12:12 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1forey6/what_advice_would_you_give_a_man_who_claims_he/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-advice-would-you-give-a-man-who-claims-he-has.1531298 https://theredarchive.com/post/1531298

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