Wife started calling me "weak" and talking about divorce after I had a rough couple of days this week

nomohydro · 2025-12-23T14:47:05+00:00

No offence, sounds like the kind of woman I turn my back to.

probebeta · 2025-12-22T17:10:48+00:00

If this lady is asking for divorce give it to her and dont look back.

Last-Researcher8796 · 2025-12-21T20:57:03+00:00

She sounds absolutely toxic. For the sake of your mental health get out.

bk2747 · 2025-12-21T17:13:33+00:00

You’re a better man than me because she wouldn’t have been able finished the sentence talking shit to me like that before I knocked her into the next zip code.

THIS IS WHY YOU DONT RETIRE WOMEN! This right the fuck here. Busting your ass 70hrs a week and that’s the thanks you get? Serve her papers and kick her ass to the curb.

Message to men: all that “my hands look like this 💩 so her hands look like that 💅🏻” mentality will get you absolutely nothing but a slap to the face when it’s all said and done. She pulls her weight or she can go lay under the next guy.

DesertCool500 · 2025-12-20T21:38:05+00:00

What are you waiting for. Get out now or at least get ready for what is coming

6StringFiend · 2025-12-20T07:57:26+00:00

Fuck that! I got called that and “sensitive” because I was vulnerable and willing to accept help…..she left me.

Check_your_6 · 2025-12-20T07:28:25+00:00

She’s already checking out pal, sorry. Situations like this are her finding the excuse she needs to back up feelings she already has. Either find a way to talk through it or get ready to separate…although it sounds like both of you are not happy. Good luck whatever comes of it

Eric242 · 2025-12-19T21:36:10+00:00

You are right, she is wrong; she’s looking for a cure for getting old.

j_k_802 · 2025-12-19T21:29:58+00:00

Does she work at all ? See an attorney for 1 hour consultation and know your financial numbers. If you don’t know you need to.
Don’t let her control that too.

MonkeyBranchBuster · 2025-12-19T20:55:45+00:00

The man machine has malfunctioned, time for a new machine. Many such cases.

The empathetic gender, our best friends and the love of our lives, supposedly.

It's all a big sham.

Correct_Mongoose_624 · 2025-12-19T20:31:38+00:00

Start prepping your exit strategy now

Ok-Guidance6491 · 2025-12-19T20:01:24+00:00

It sounds like both of you are in a low point right now and communicating through your own insecurities.

Around this age women all seem to start contemplating divorce. A lot to due with shifting hormones. She doesn’t feel safe. Her attraction to you is really low right now. Normal. Attraction waxes and wanes over time anyway. Women are very loyal when the feelings for you are strong.

You can decide for yourself if you want divorce or not. If you do, start talking to a lawyer. Sounds like you work hard; I’m sure you’ll be fine in the end.

If you want to stick it out and reattract her, then get out of the house. Don’t let her see you as weak or unsafe. Next time call in sick and go to a pub. She will wonder what else you have going on. Not super healthy but think of it as dating. Attraction was there because there was still mystery. If it works, then over time her natural attraction will come back.

In the end, the best thing is to remember WHO YOU ARE. You’ve been in such a long relationship that you have forgotten…and she probably has too.

Willing_Serve_970 · 2025-12-19T17:06:51+00:00

Never ever show weakness or vulnerability in front of a woman. They say they want that but then get the “ick”. It’s like bleeding in front of a shark.

Friendly-Platypus607 · 2025-12-19T16:45:32+00:00

Wife sounds like a terrible human being.

But depending on where you live that could just be the dominant culture. And its a culture made by men for the most part. Which is just weird. Never understood this BS or why men seem to love believing in it and teaching others both men and women to believe it too. So might not even be your wife's fault that she has this mind set. Probably internalized it from what her daddy and other men in her life taught her.

csmedo1994 · 2025-12-19T15:06:04+00:00

Can’t say whether you should get divorced or not, but her behavior is typical of modern women. Basically, men have been lied to about the nature of women by society and women. You’re experiencing the basic biological survival patterns of women, and it’s doesn’t jibe w what society tells you about women. She’s trying to determine if you can be ensure her survival and her children. It’s evolutionary biology. Hence, women abhor weakness, and you should never show it to your wife, no matter what. Your wife is there to lean on you for protection and your strength and you should never foolishly believe the opposite is true for you in moments of your weakness. Women use the word vulnerability not to deepen your relationship, rather to ascertain your fitness to stay with you. Women are not there there to support you at any time, yet they are expect you to always be there for them. If it sounds like a raw deal, it’s because it is. This is basic truth and when you finally realize that you will understand that marriage is not for men, modern marriage is set up to protect women and so enforced by the state.

WitchDoctor431 · 2025-12-19T04:57:33+00:00

Tell her bf to get her in line

MrLarryBilotta · 2025-12-19T15:02:46+00:00

I want to slow this down, because the question “Should I just get a divorce?” is coming from overwhelm, not clarity.

What happened wasn’t weakness. It was overload. You’re working long hours under constant pressure, and your nervous system finally hit a limit.

You’re likely a soft-hearted, relationship-oriented man. You value connection and internalize stress until it spills over.

Your wife sounds like a hard-natured, goal-oriented woman.

She’s decisive, black-and-white in her thinking, and has little patience for emotional processing. Many hard-natured women view emotion as weakness- not because they don’t care, but because that’s how they were conditioned. If she grew up with a strong or emotionally reserved father, she may believe men shouldn’t talk about feelings. That’s the model of strength she learned.

Opposites often marry. Early on, the differences work. After 15 or 20 years, couples often stop appreciating those differences and start trying to correct them. That’s usually when the hard-natured partner tells the soft-hearted one to “man up” or “stop being a doormat.”

This dynamic can happen in hard-natured men and softhearted women too.

When a spouse becomes harsh or rigid, many people immediately assume there must be an affair. But if there’s no history of infidelity in her family - and she didn’t experience abandonment, abuse, or neglect growing up, that’s unlikely what’s happening here.

This sounds more like a personality and value-system clash, not betrayal.

It’s okay to share high-level stress with her. But for longer, emotional conversations, you’re better off confiding in a trusted friend or family member. Her personality may not have the patience or framework for emotional processing.

But for now, this isn’t the moment to decide on divorce.

Stabilize your emotions first and let a little time pass before you make your decision so it isn't something you regret in the long run.

Then, listen to your intuition. It will never steer you wrong.

Economist-Nervous · 2025-12-19T14:40:36+00:00

I think it goes: My wife and daughters... they'd rather see me die on top of my white horse than watch me fall off

If you’ve remained constant there must be another variable. Be curious and come from a place of softness acceptance and love. If you choose this hard. Then do it the best you can. Take a pause. A deep breath. Know you’ve got it. Then, steady on.

If she’s betrayed your love. Know your worth. Know you’ve done it all. Walk away with peace. Then, steady on.

tyyyy110 · 2025-12-19T14:38:25+00:00

She's right in one thing.... don't expect her or any woman to be a therapist. They'll use your most vulnerable moments against you. That's why most men keep their emotions bottled up.

PghSubie · 2025-12-19T14:21:38+00:00

She's cheating or she's lining something up. She's aligning herself with someone new who she considers to be "strong"

Objective-Fan-5464 · 2025-12-19T14:15:49+00:00

This isn’t weakness. It’s load.

Seventy hours a week, two jobs, unexpected stress, and one rough couple of days is a normal human limit, not a character flaw. “Man up” is not leadership, and it’s not partnership.

Your wife doesn’t need to be your therapist, but she does need to be safe. Calling you weak and threatening divorce when you struggle isn’t support, it’s conditional acceptance.

Before deciding anything, separate two things: a bad reaction versus a core belief. If this is out of character, it’s worth addressing directly. If she truly believes you’re only acceptable when you’re unbreakable, that’s a serious mismatch.

A marriage should reduce the load, not punish you for carrying it.

Anthff · 2025-12-19T13:50:33+00:00

Mine did the same thing after 10. I had changed career paths and was struggling. It was a very difficult couple of years.

Instead of supporting me and lifting me up, she verbally abused me and tore me down.

We are divorced now thank god.

realvvk · 2025-12-19T13:39:23+00:00

My friend, if you want any chance to staying together with her, separate immediately and hold her accountable.

Most likely she has not been attracted to you for a long time. The fact that you are hearing this from her means that this has been on her mind for months, possibly years. By the time a woman tells you she wants a divorce, she has been thinking about it for a really long time. This is the last straw. Anything you do now to try to repair the relationship will only make things worse. The only possible solution that has any (very, very tiny) chance of working is to separate and let her go. Do everything you can to limit contact and to heal to the point where you don’t care about her. Go to therapy, spend time with male friends, go to the gym, go hunting, take care of your health. Become a better man.

Read books, listen to podcasts, watch YouTube about relationships. You have a lot to learn, as we all do.

Present-Armadillo-60 · 2025-12-19T13:18:10+00:00

What is she doing for work? Does she work full time herself at all ? Or is she a SAHM you dont deserve to be treated like that. If your intuition is already telling you its a red flag and to run. Do that!!

DBFool2019 · 2025-12-19T13:08:02+00:00

I became overwhelmed the other day and had sort of a mild mental break. This has mainly to do with my job and also the fact that I had some car trouble that morning. I just got really stressed and ending up calling in sick to my night job and drinking some beers to try and relax.

Sorry to hear this my friend. Life can be rough at times. Taking a mental health day is perfectly reasonable.

Since then my wife has been saying I'm mentally weak and that I'm supposed to "man up". Saying she wants a divorce. Also she told me that I should not count on her to be there for me when dealing with stress or anything because she's "not a therapist"

Brother, I do not know the inner workings of your marriage, but there is no coming back from this. No comfort at all, just kicking you when you're down? This is abusive as hell and you should give her the divorce ASAP. I'm telling you, this POS as your spouse is causing more stress than you know.

I have 2 jobs and work over 70 hours per week so I don't think it is that unreasonable to feel a bit overwhelmed sometimes.

Does she even work? See a lawyer, talk to job #2 to see if you can take a hiatus for a few months so your earnings go down, and divorce the living shit out of this unsupportive, abusive AH.

Barsoomisreal · 2025-12-19T12:48:43+00:00

She is cheating, and you ruined her plans that night by calling out of work.

Seen it before, will see it again.

UnknownUsername113 · 2025-12-19T12:17:05+00:00

She’s cheating. My ex wife started talking the same way.

Before you divorce her… is she working? If not…quit one of your jobs and have her find one. Alimony and child support (if you have kids) will kill you otherwise.

koskesh122 · 2025-12-19T11:49:29+00:00

You need to quit 1 job immediately otherwise the Alimony will kill you. She will divorce you just a matter of time

O12345678 · 2025-12-19T11:32:22+00:00

You can never let your wife know when you're having a hard time with something or a bad day.

Ruebens76 · 2025-12-19T11:21:32+00:00

Yeah that sucks. Divorce just to be away from the toxicity. Sounds like a yucky person.

MiloGoesToPorridge · 2025-12-19T11:13:04+00:00

My cheating alarm is ringing like the bells of Notre Dame.

She's acting like this because she wants to be with this other bloke. You're just 'in the way' now.

I say this as someone who's been on the business end of this.

Divorce is the only way to go now.

Legitimate-Error-633 · 2025-12-19T09:46:42+00:00

Have a look at r/Infidelity OP. I have a feeling you’re going to need it.

Il_Valentino · 2025-12-19T09:43:35+00:00

Talk to a lawyer, file for divorce yourself and then watch her get into a relationship a few weeks after because she was likely cheating for months prior. They never act like this without a backup man, they are addicted to attention.

The only people who you could really trust are your close relatives.

Automatic_Penalty154 · 2025-12-19T08:10:10+00:00

start protecting your assets now, and also start looking to figure out who shes cheating on you with. you probably ruined her plans with the bf that night by not going to work.

sorry, im a bit bitter towards woman atm..

west-rain-shadow · 2025-12-19T07:46:06+00:00

Quit the second job and the drinking, that never helps. Start taking more time for yourself: gym, hobbies. You’re going to be dead soon, don’t waste that time. Explain to her that you’ve been hurt by the things she’s said. I think you should not be quick to toss away decades of marriage, but you shouldn’t submit yourself to her whims and ego either. Be the person you want to be. She can come along, or not.

Aethra89 · 2025-12-19T07:29:50+00:00

I also second the cheating comments.

Aethra89 · 2025-12-19T07:28:58+00:00

Don't take this psychological abuse from your wife. She is treating you like she's above you, and you're not worth a second of her time or love. You don't deserve this. This is not how a wife of 20 years should be treating her husband. I'm sorry you're going through this bud. Stay strong.

Positive_Rub_6696 · 2025-12-19T06:49:58+00:00

Her calling you “weak” is contempt, and contempt is the number one indicator of divorce.

Own_Maybe9468 · 2025-12-19T05:57:52+00:00

I just see women being women. You will soon realize you have been living in lies because you can't count on anyone, especially your wife. To most women, husband=provider. If you are not a provider, then you will not be the husband to her.

superman_410 · 2025-12-19T05:03:56+00:00

Im going to take a guess and say shes cheating on you, this is how women act when they are with another man, ive already been through it and divorced

upvotersfortruth · 2025-12-19T04:59:40+00:00

“Tough love”’- thanks, babe

1millionBURNINGsuns · 2025-12-19T04:40:03+00:00

Your wife’s behavior is pathetic. You deserve better. She deserves any way to not be such a POS who projects her bs on others while clearly hating herself.

Now a different take and this is not fun: you need to have more love and self respect for YOURSELF first.

You shouldn’t be working 70 hour weeks. Ever. It’s insane and unhealthy and cruel to yourself and makes you unavailable to anyone else in your life and random people you encounter.

Whatever you think you’re doing to take care of whatever you have in life money wise it is clearly doing the opposite.

Don’t destroy yourself for money unless it’s planned and time limited. Be better to yourself and you will see how truly intolerable her belittling bs is.

If you feel up to it it’s worthwhile to explain to her how hurtful this was to you. Without anger, just the sadness and facts. May be worthwhile. Not an argument or a discussion just laying it out there.

fixanymarriage · 2025-12-19T04:34:34+00:00

TL;DR
Become strong by taking care of yourself, constantly improving yourself, and taking leadership in your marriage. Set boundaries. Want her, but don't depend on her. Always respond stoically and responsibly to challenges.

Bro, you are weak. If anyone here tells you otherwise, ignore them because they are feeding you nonsense. Let's build you up and get you strong though. You got this!

First though, let's go through understanding the weakness so that you can counter-act it. Here's how you're being weak right now:

You became overwhelmed, had sort of a mental break, and got really stressed to the point of calling in sick.
You wife said mean things to you, including that she wants a divorce, and now you're considering divorce. Weakness is throwing away 15-20 years over some mean things said, especially when she's never acted like that before.

If you have to ask, "how is that weak?", you're weak. Those things are self-evident. It's like bench pressing 30 lbs and asking the question.

Strength would be the opposite. It would be stoically, responsibly responding. It may still mean taking a day off and relaxing, but it for sure means not having a mental break and not stressing out. Strength would be listening to what she has to say, determining if true or not, and taking leadership in the right direction (which isn't divorce).

That said, you have a lot of strengths going for you. Working 2 jobs and over 70 hours per week takes a lot of strength. If I knew more about you, I'd find a ton of strengths and could list them specifically. And you're about to add several more strengths, but let's first understand the situation.

She has "walkaway wife syndrome". It may be the first time she's been this open upfront and disrespectful about it, but she's been emotionally checked-out of the marriage for a long time now. At some time in the past, she had come to you with her concerns, her need for connection, her need for affection, and/or being overwhelmed, and those concerns never got addressed by you. Whatever it was kept happening, so she eventually lost hope and detached herself from the marriage while still being physically present.

Here's what to do about it:
{I think the comment is too long, so I have to split it here}

bizbunch · 2025-12-19T04:33:04+00:00

It will only get worse. She will create situations to tear you down and kick you once you fall. Be very careful.

Research personality disorders and find an experienced attorney.

Im so sorry man, it sucks to have life kick you down and then the one person who should have your vack doesn't.

Please cut contact as much as possible and make your escape.

Also once they realize you are serious expect her to either act perfect and pretend to be supportive or opposite go scorched earth including false DV claims etc. Maybe both.

ch0633341 · 2025-12-19T04:31:26+00:00

Guarantee you she's having an affair. That's how they start talking after they have met someone and your no longer the backup plan

Maseworld · 2025-12-19T04:26:35+00:00

Yeah once respect leaves the relationship. Time to roll.

rumblegod · 2025-12-19T04:20:07+00:00

Relationship is over, you’re probably underestimating how much of a wreck you were. She wanted a man, not someone with issues. If no kids just start now, it’ll only get worse from here.

LonelyNC123 · 2025-12-19T04:07:22+00:00

Her behaviour is the total opposite from what anybody expects from their partner. Leave if you can.

Commercial_Song_7595 · 2025-12-19T03:56:00+00:00

I’m sorry but Your relationship is over, start planking your next step

Flawed_Cleric · 2025-12-19T03:53:56+00:00

Quit that second job before you start to divorce. Make yourself as poor as possible prior to divorce(best advice my sister ever gave me). Your wife has probably been checked out for a while but hasn’t been able to make it about you yet. You gave her the slightest bit of excuse and she’s probably about to run with it. Get ready to be the villain in her story. Take care of yourself man.

RevolutionaryLaw8854 · 2025-12-19T03:49:19+00:00

The level of contempt that she has shown you is not recoverable.

Don’t you know that bad boys move in silence and violence.

You be as nice as fucking pie to her. Smile. Take her shit. Sweetie. Honey. And get your shit together. Then make your move when it’s time.

familymanlikesfamily · 2025-12-19T03:35:42+00:00

Ive learned men really cannot share any stress with women (wife, mom or daughters). Men gotta show up for men.

But this doesnt negate how shes treating you and instantly calling for divorce. If shes checked out, it happened a while ago. Begin preparing for the worst case scenario. It will be okay.

bikingmpls · 2025-12-19T03:29:57+00:00

Divorce or not but yea it’s a sad realization you can only count on yourself.

funzys · 2025-12-19T03:25:16+00:00

Your instincts are serving you well. It hurts for sure but that doesn’t make them any less true or right. She’s not the partner for you.

Title	Wife started calling me "weak" and talking about divorce after I had a rough couple of days this week
Author	Major-Principle-283
Upvotes	100
Comments	137
Date	December 19, 2025 3:20 AM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1pqalb9/wife_started_calling_me_weak_and_talking_about/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/wife-started-calling-me-weak-and-talking-about.1569203 https://theredarchive.com/post/1569203

Comments