That’s why you should always demand proof, don’t just accept their words

apple_cores · 2021-08-28T20:49:21+00:00

Every time I feel lonely, I read a post like this and thank God i’m single. I could never dupe anyone to thinking I make or have more than I have or not disclose debt. But I’ve heard/read about so many men hiding things and not disclosing them until after marriage because she’s locked in now.

Thank God all the comments are telling her to annul the marriage or divorce ASAP.

fancypantsdance92 · 2021-08-28T20:37:52+00:00

My worst nightmare.

I was engaged to a man who couldn't save and would do the same shit this scrote would do: cry every time he was confronted about his savings and spending habits.

He asked me to take out loans for him, called me controlling when I said anything and refused to budget. I had to help him pay for everything. I broke up with him because I fell out of love with him as a result of all of this. Despite multiple discussions, he was "blindsided" about my decision to end our engagement.

This issue runs deeper than not being a provider. It was disrespectful to me, my concerns and the time I spent at work earning my income.

I would have the marriage annulled if I were this woman. He lied about something as big as a $40k debt like, how can anyone justify that being ok?

tzijo · 2021-08-28T20:52:20+00:00

He lies about these, he is going to have even bigger lies down the road! I hope this lady runs for the hills.

carmen_sandiegos_hat · 2021-08-28T21:04:01+00:00

I thought this was someone I know but their ages are a few years off.

The people I know, same thing. The man is lying about debt/expenditures and his salary and the girl won't leave because she hates being alone. He just popped the question!

Ladies, we don't say to vet just because 'we want to hear ourselves talk.' It is to avoid situations like these when all that glitters is not gold.

Catz10000 · 2021-08-28T22:08:43+00:00

Age gap ✅ Lies ✅ Tries to look like a hero to friends/family ✅ 50/50 ✅ No work ethic ✅ Probably NOT 50/50 on chores because "he's in school" ✅

This is why we vet constantly ladies.

ilovewinniethepooh · 2021-08-28T21:57:33+00:00

FFS, I swear EVERYWHERE I look on any relationship-related post, I see way more male gold-diggers accusing the women they are financially abusing of being the actual gold-digger. And I see it way more than I ever see of any actual FEMALE gold-diggers. WTF????!!!!

sadgirlji · 2021-08-28T21:15:17+00:00

This is bad, like terrible. I feel so bad for her and I hope an annulment is in her future.

But I do want to ask, how should we navigate getting “proof” of income and debt? Like what’s a tasteful way of asking for proof or tips on how to navigate the conversation around debt?

DoversBlue · 2021-08-28T21:32:44+00:00

Financially irresponsible men are such a turn-off.

PicoPicoMio · 2021-08-28T20:49:50+00:00

annulment

arnezuara · 2021-08-28T20:22:18+00:00

I feel sorry for good-hearted, humbled women like her. They always end up getting used by some scrote.

I hope she drops that leech to the ground, stomps it some more, and leaves.

purasangria · 2021-08-28T21:25:51+00:00

This is fraud and may be grounds for an annulment. I'd dump this asshole.

finalbosskitten · 2021-08-28T21:52:13+00:00

Who wants to make a bet that if/when she divorces he will start telling everyone she knows that she's an evil gold digger?

queenofswordsxxx · 2021-08-28T22:06:29+00:00

“You deserve more and I wanted you to be proud of me.”

Why do men always use this line….. it’s so ineffective and unoriginal 😤

BeautifulLeek · 2021-08-28T22:48:13+00:00

broke liar calls his financially responsible wife a gold digger, more at 11

Jnnjuggle32 · 2021-08-28T21:30:36+00:00

My ex-husband and I had known each other since high school, started dating the last year of college, and married about a year later. We’d lived together for awhile, and while I worked full-time while attending grad school and worked a second job, he only did school (saying his program was more demanding). I did the majority of the cooking and cleaning. I knew had student loan debt but not how much and didn’t question his finances because he assured me he’d saved up money while attending community college.

After we got married and a couple of months before he joined the military, he came to me and said he was out of money. We had about three months until he would start boot camp and he basically said I needed to figure out a way to pay the bills so that he would be eligible for his security clearance. Except it wasn’t just our shared expenses - he had about 20k in credit card debt, 10k for his car, and 70ishk in private student loans. The minimum payments for these debts were around $2000/month. He’d run out of savings years before and was funding everything on credit. I made 15/hour at the time.

I asked him to get a job - he said he couldn’t because he needed to focus on finishing his degree. I asked him to sell his car - he wouldn’t because he didn’t want to “take the loss” (we would have broken even with the loan and knocked that payment off, but he didn’t want to hear it). I asked if he could get a student loan just to cover what was left but they wouldn’t approve him for anymore.

I had to tell my father what happened and ask for help. He had saved about 5k as a belated wedding gift for us, so all of it went to covering those bills plus my income. Then ex leaves for military and all is ok for a bit.

A month or so later, he suggested since I was still in grad school and could get subsidized loans, I could get the max amount offered for a few semesters, use it to cover tuition and fees, then use the extra to pay off the outstanding credit card debt. Then we’d focus on paying down his high-interest loans and then my lower interest loans once our income increased. Made sense right? 🤡 So over a year, I paid off all of his debt by effectively rolling it into my own. Teamwork!

Fast forward 8 years. Despite being in a traditionally low-paying field (and having to start over every few years because of his military requirements), my income was quite high (as was his). We’d been having problems for quite some time and I made the decision to leave him when it became apparent that he wasn’t going to put any effort into the relationship. We have a few young kids, and he lives on the other side of the country, so very little custody time.

How much do you think I got from him when we separated? ZERO. Nothing accounting for the loans I was still paying because of our debt-down plan; no portion of his retirement (I knew he hadn’t saved anything and any pension he’d find a way to weasel me out of down the road). He took half of our savings (50/50!) when he moved out. He “offered” me what equated to 15% of his income in child support (which, tbh, is much more than many women even dream of getting based on what he makes). I went along with it, with the exception of support. I wanted something closer to equitable (25% of his income) - he lost his fucking mind and I ended up settling in the middle.

My point is don’t EVER build a man. You’re a team when it’s convenient for him. You’re a gold digger the second you ask for help. I still have those dumb student loans 11 years after finishing grad school. Luckily I NEVER put myself into a long-term position of financial reliance on him, but the second he realized that I didn’t need him, his mental abuse escalated to the point where I was nearly hospitalized. My heart breaks for women who share these stories, and it’s 100% the patriarchal structure of the court system that fucks us over in favor of “good men who don’t want to be taken to the cleaners.”

saint-jezebel · 2021-08-28T21:30:22+00:00

You have to make sure you ask for proof and check things before hand. A man who is proud of his bank account is going to show you. Watch how a man lives and watch to see if he’s just spending money or actually providing. I can guarantee he’s just lavishing his money and she didn’t think twice about it.

Now that he’s deceived her, which you know worked, she’s rethinking because she’s trapped and now he’s trying to guilt her. I just hate that it took until marriage for her to fully open her eyes. Last, he also likely watched her while he was lying to her, hoping she would build with him. I guess she is supposed to sponsor his lifestyle. I hope she finds a lawyer quick.

kitnb · 2021-08-28T21:51:02+00:00

ANNULMENT!

Save yourself, sis!

katiekat0214 · 2021-08-28T21:55:47+00:00

Again, living apart together, keeping finances separate no matter what your living situation is, taking a LONG time to vet before you marry, insisting on seeing spreadsheets and financial statements... nothing less will do.

Annulment here is extremely recommended.

feminologie_ · 2021-08-28T23:37:46+00:00

The crying is such a huge red flag. Only narcissistic scrotes cry when THEY hurt YOU. The audacity to play the victim when he essentially deceived her into this marriage. Disgusting.

proudpine · 2021-08-28T21:59:35+00:00

This is an example of what being a pick-me who is “fine with a non-diamond budget engagement ring” gets you.

Jaelismyhomegirl · 2021-08-28T22:59:49+00:00

I can almost see the replies telling her to cOmMuNiCaTe 🙄 Despite the fact that she has tried to communicate with him on multiple occasions, and he has either 1) lied, 2) gotten angry, or 3) cried. But no, the onus is still on her to communicate.

Cel_Gabe · 2021-08-28T22:38:15+00:00

Isn't fraud a reason for separating? That would be a huge deal breaker for me.

ShortandRatchet · 2021-08-28T22:43:22+00:00

He will soil her name too if she ever leaves him. Men always make women out to be the victim.

KateJ1982 · 2021-08-29T04:10:58+00:00

Buys luxury brands and expensive electronics for himself and his family while she gets a budget ring and no honeymoon, makes her feel bad for having $10k in debt while lying about his own $40k debt. And when confronted, cries and implies that SHE is a gold digger.

And of course there’s a 7 year age difference, he couldn’t trick anyone his own age into marrying him.

Throw the whole man away sis, there’s nothing of value here. I hope she can get an annulment.

papanezismysaviour · 2021-08-28T22:44:55+00:00

annulment quick

bardeeze · 2021-08-28T23:29:12+00:00

This happened to me. Post baby. Over 300k likely more. 17year age gap. Would belittle me all the time.

Drained me financially and emotionally. Then lawyers because he got scary and acted the victim./alienation card.

Now I am stuck in a very expensive city trying to earn enough for my daughter. I need to make about $200k per year to set her up because her dad cant do it.

Lucky for me I found FDS and this community has helped me level up. I was always on a high earner track and this man tried to tear me down like many other career women we are a nice challenge especially for men who hate women (he resented his 15yr old mom for giving him up for adoption in the 70s).

Ask for bank statements and taxes once committing. He had good credit that means shit.

LR_today · 2021-08-28T22:00:53+00:00

I bet when they go to have kids (because let's face it this pickme will stay) and have "fertility issues" it will take a year or more for him to finally fess up he got a vasectomy.

Technusgirl · 2021-08-28T20:31:15+00:00

Her husband lied about his salary that whole time!? Why do men do this shit, seriously.

lutjaye · 2021-08-28T23:48:31+00:00

Awww, look at the manipulator, pulled that crying and I did it for you trick, right out of his manipulation arsenal.

xdecadent · 2021-08-29T02:24:51+00:00

🗣 ANNULMENT!!

galian84 · 2021-08-29T06:27:01+00:00

What is up with all of these broke, financially irresponsible men?

3/4 of my exes were broke and/or in debt, despite 2 of them having good full-time jobs (another was still a university student when we met, but we were together 5 years and he had zero ambition and tried to mooch off me, knowing I wanted to go into healthcare). The fourth ex had no debt and wasn’t broke, yet had no savings whatsoever in his early 30s (blew all his money on drugs and weed and alcohol).

I feel sorry for this woman. Honestly makes me glad I’m single and I hope she leaves this man 😬

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2021-08-29T00:53:06+00:00

She played herself. This is exactly what high standards protects you from. "Non diamond engagement ring" fuck out of here.

GoldenWaterfallFleur · 2021-08-29T07:02:18+00:00

I have hope for the OOP though. I’ve read through her comments and it sounds like she’s seeing this man in a new light and really might take the advice to annul the marriage. I truly don’t believe there is any coming back from this. He tried to trap her and this is FRAUD full stop. Let’s pray for her that she gets out 💪🏽💪🏽

amyruthbabe · 2021-08-28T22:58:55+00:00

This women sounds so sweet and amazing. Truly sad what happened. Ugh. Honestly if he had just been up front she likely would have been cool about it. And not having wealth doesn't make you a lvm but lying and being a general dick does

Adventurous_River_64 · 2021-08-29T02:19:09+00:00

Wow. I wonder if she could annul the marriage.

fingernmuzzle · 2021-08-29T11:35:23+00:00

The lies. We were married for 3 years before my ex told me “I’m an addict”. This liar had relapsed and started using again, followed by years of employment gaps, legal problems, huge expenses. Other information that subsequently came out: had had cars repossessed, had been evicted for non payment of rent, huge debt. I knew nothing of any of this. How can you protect yourself when you think you know someone, but they’ve been hiding huge chunks of their past???? I feel like I burned 10 years of my life.

lucidlotus · 2021-08-29T07:36:33+00:00

Eesh. What else will he lie about?

On a related note, I’m wary of men who always have to have the latest electronics. Often they’re trying to fill a hole in their soul.

thowawaywookie · 2021-08-28T22:02:31+00:00

100% Men lie about everything all the time.

Vet that sucka like he's applied for a top secret defense job.

pepperfog · 2021-08-29T04:54:34+00:00

The answer here is to get an annulment

spinsterchachkies · 2021-08-29T05:21:39+00:00

Run girl run. Red flags all over this man

CroneRaisedMaiden · 2021-08-29T08:03:04+00:00

I can be cruel and all but this shit isn’t funny to even me. How horrifying

Ok-Pen4755 · 2021-08-28T22:36:31+00:00

So what are some things we should ask to see before marriage?

_idk_usernames · 2021-08-29T00:06:44+00:00

Pretty sure financial deceit can qualify you for an annulment. I hope she can get out of that mess. I wouldn't be able to trust them after lying like that.

Letefuextece · 2021-08-29T01:27:00+00:00

I'd say, don't marry him until you know you can actually trust him. You shouldn't feel the need to have proof if you're literally about to get married.

adagio1369 · 2021-08-29T01:32:34+00:00

Do not have children with this man.

canwedothisornot · 2021-08-29T01:43:49+00:00

Sure sounds like she married my ex-husband.

hakunnamatatamfs · 2021-08-29T05:49:15+00:00

That would be the fastest divorce for me. Throw the whole man away and never look back

throwawayastrogirl · 2021-08-29T10:59:26+00:00

This is far too common than the mythic divorce rape scrotes love crying about. No wonder many women opt out of marriage.

akashyaboa · 2021-08-29T13:33:29+00:00

"If you wanted someone rich, should have e married a billionaire." Pretty rich from a guy that lied about basically being one lmao

jfarmwell123 · 2021-08-29T13:34:56+00:00

My ex overinflated his expenses to justify charging me half of his $1200 mortgage (mind you he was making over six figures and I was making 35k/year as a single parent) and all groceries/household supplies. He’s an idiot and a bad liar but when I caught him in the lies he did the same thing this guy is doing. Just go, please!

maddallena · 2021-08-28T22:07:42+00:00

At least she found out... she needs to get the marriage annulled immediately

modernmedusaa · 2021-08-29T12:16:05+00:00

Age gap 🙄🙄🙄🙄

Wkndwhorechata · 2021-08-29T00:26:12+00:00

One of the worst kind of men. The weird mixture of a crybaby and needing to be a macho big spender. 🤢

Spends money on electronics on himself, his mama, and his family, but WEIIIiiiRrrDdddD that he’s not spending money on his wife.

This is probably where I’m going to lose upvotes, but it’s okay. I just want to say that if I HAD to pick between the one of the lesser evils of men - I would be choosing the man who cheats (the guy who still provides, and buys guilt gifts, and drives the kids to school, and makes sure to cheat in other cities that he’s traveling in, and the guy who keeps the ruse going). That guy puts in effort. This guy is a loser. A looooooooser, loser, loser who has nothing (other than finding a good woman) going on for him. Zilch.

raindropsonnoses · 2021-08-28T23:27:03+00:00

Lol, never be in a relationship where the guy won't tell you about his past, his troubles, feelings, whatever. Signs that he's done some shady shit or he has mental illness with a baggage of unprocessed trauma.

A man who only knows how to cry because someone said no isn't a man at all.

Kimpractical · 2021-08-29T18:33:56+00:00

So he lied about his financial situation in order to get her to marry him, and SHE’S the controlling one because she’s upset that he lied and basically manipulated her into marrying him? Textbook gaslighting. No joke I think things like this should be grounds for a lawsuit or even jail time. Your spouses financial habits can have a serious effect on your life and health, and if they aren’t honest about things BEFORE marriage, then they are putting your well being at risk

CanadianRadFeminist · 2021-08-29T18:34:24+00:00

This lady needs to get an annulment immediately. If they've only been married a month, she may be able to get one and disentangle herself from this dead weight without much hassle. THESE ARE ONLY THE LIES SHE HAS FOUND OUT ABOUT. Guaranteed there are MANY other things he has lied about in order to marriage trap her.

Marrying a person usually means marrying their debt. He was probably assuming that he could hide his horrible financial habits until they got married, and then make her pay off his debt and subsidize his lifestyle. The age gap is a red flag as well, he probably thought he could trick a younger woman and manipulate her more easily. She is already worrying about coming off as "materialistic", probably one of his manipulations. What a fucking lowlife. Stay safe and alert out there ladies. If a man isnt willing to show you all this accounts and his credit report before you get married, run like your life depends on it.

wrice05 · 2021-08-30T13:12:53+00:00

This is my nightmare come to life. Now that I have learned financial literacy and gotten my sh*t together, like hell will I let some man jeopardize all my hard work.

Title	That’s why you should always demand proof, don’t just accept their words
Author	Hippofuzz
Upvotes	996
Comments	149
Date	August 28, 2021 8:11 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/pdgz9p/thats_why_you_should_always_demand_proof_dont/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/thats-why-you-should-always-demand-proof-dont-just.1065747 https://theredarchive.com/post/1065747

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