Own Your Shit Weekly - November 05, 2019

ImNotSlash · 2019-11-05T16:26:35+00:00

OYS #54

6’2”, 193 lbs, wife – 38, kids 6 and 10 year old girls

Lifts: BP 170 (3x5); DL 300 (1x5), SQ 220 (3x5), OHP 105 (3x5)

Fitness

Lifts continue to increase slowly. Working through sciatica issue on right leg, so am taking increases of deadlifts and squats slowly. Sleep has improved significantly with the new mattress.

Relationship

I fucked up this week. I got very pissed at my wife (for various reasons) and worked myself into believing she was texting/flirting/setting up dates with other guys on her phone. This belief started with a feeling of betrayal with feeling disrespected and spiraled from there. At one point I took her phone for about 30 minutes, went through it and of course found nothing. I knew I fucked up immediately. Looking at myself – I did this because I don’t want to be the guy posting to askMRP about his wife cheating on him. It’s irrational and I know I should not care – but I do. It’s another layer of ego that I need to shed. I will walk away in the future.

I continue to have issues with being 100% authentic. It’s fear of being vulnerable. I still am caring too much what others think - especially everyone on MRP.

There’s only two key points I’ve distilled my needs for in a relationship.

A great sex life with a woman who desires me and wants to explore sexuality together
A relationship with a woman who adds value to my life

These needs are being met in my current relationship – but I continue to blow shit up. I continue to think back to what /u/Blarg_Risen wrote to me weeks ago – to be content with where I’m at while knowing there’s areas I’d like to improve. While this is definitely better, it’s still my main area to work on.

HornsOfApathy · 2019-11-05T19:27:32+00:00

OYS #51

Been at this over a year.

37 yo, 6’0, 162lbs, 9.5% BF, married 4, together 7, kids 3 & 13

Gym:

Consistent lifting as usual. I haven’t taken a true BF % measurement in quite a while even but I suspect I’m even lower now than 9.5%. Maybe 8.5-9.0 or so. Does it matter? Nope. Can I lift more than last week or the week before? Yes. Do I weigh more? No. Why? I don’t eat enough for big gainz, and I struggle eating 3000+ kcal. I still get in 220g protein a day. Do I have abs and Adonis line? For days.

I have decided finally on a goal. One more year, 23 more lbs. I want to be 185# / 9.5% by December 2021. I can do it, it’s going to be hard, but why not? I would like to see what I look like as the ideal version of my body. Beyond that, who knows what the next plan will be but I think I will want to sink my time into something else and just maintain. I’m definitely not genetically gifted, but have broad shoulders. My wrists are 6.5in. My waist is 28.5in. Biceps 16in. I’m just not sure how much more I can do with this body sometimes, but I’m sure it’s more than I do now. Keep on.

Work:

I have had 3 interviews in the last week. One wasn’t a fit. Second got me to the 2nd interview – remote domestic role for $150K. The third, and most exciting is that I passed the 2nd interview for the global role with the Big5 tech company and I’m on to the 3rd and 4th interview. This was the role that’s around $300K. I interviewed with the SVP and killed it. I was honest and authentic about my experience, which isn’t a 100% match for the sector. But I can do the job. At the end he asked if I had any questions – and I told him, “Yes, I do have just one. What makes you a great boss?”

You would have thought his jaw dropped. He laughed. Said he was a snazzy dresser, and we bantered back and forth about paisley dress shirts – which I challenged him to admit. He did, then was authentic himself. He said he gives out praise often, says thank you, and is authentic. I told him those were qualities I’d be looking for in my next boss – but I was also looking for someone to challenge me. (The masculine grows with challenge)

We ended the call awesome. “You know what HornsofApathy, you don’t have the perfect resume for this job, but I like you. I think you could do the job. Listen – I just told the guy before you that he wasn’t going to be a fit. He knew more about the tech than you do. But, we can teach the tech. You’re in the running. Let’s setup the next round of interviews and see where it goes”.

I gave it my all, laid it all out about who I am, and maybe that made an impact.

Reading

I’m back to 48LOP while I job search. Trying to understand politically what I need to do to get the next big role. It’s helped me realize some of my failures in the past and what I could have done differently, especially when it comes to guiding/leading others to the best path. Before it was my way, or the highway – which was usually always right – but it’s not about being right. It’s about getting everyone on board with what success looks like first and then moving them towards it.

Social

I have something to own here. I’ve been helping a few guys here at MRP outside of reddit. This week a couple of them blew up as usual and nearly self-destructed. One recovered by shedding his ego by being authentic and the other imploded. I felt happy for one, sad for the other. Both of them have taught me quite a bit about myself through their own manly shit-tests. I value that in my life.

However, what I don’t value is when someone reaches out to me for help but fails to shed their ego in any form. Even after they say, “OH awesome! Thanks! I get it now!!! Thank you”, then turn right back around and seek validation and ego boosting elsewhere. It’s such a faggoty unauthentic thing to do and not the type of man I wish to expend my energy on. Therefore, I’ve decided that my time and energy (which is a gift) is better spent elsewhere. There are dozens of dudes here and in my life that deserve it more. My time is limited. I have failed by putting it in the wrong places. I will not do that again.

Mental/Relationship:

Things continue to be great. I look at my relationship now and realize that I never knew what real passion, desire, authenticity, and love really was. I was a man full of ego and bullshit when I first came here. I’m not perfect now, but I’m happier with the man that I have become and that’s all that matters.

I did a lot of searching inside myself this week and discovered something so dark and deep that it hurt me to the core. If you’ve been reading my shit for a long time, you know I’m a fan of extreme ownership (It’s all your fault). I try my best to live my life knowing everything that happens to me is my fault. Most of the time I can accept my responsibility, change my actions and move forward. I discovered that sometimes, there are things you can never undo.

My wife. It was all my fault, yeah. She was depressed and anxious. She occasionally still gets like that now, but it’s quickly combatted with my leadership. And then it hit me, and a lot of puzzle pieces finally fit together.

I finally got to the root of why my wife has so much trouble connecting authentically with my son. She finally came out and said it – she’s afraid she will never have a little boy and sees how he loves his mom uniquely. She knows she will never have that. Her heart and core desires it more than anything and for once, I believe her. It was such a raw and authentic moment between us.

I watched her spiral into unhealthy habits for the last few years. And now, it’s likely too late because of that and timing. We are older. The depression and anxiety pretty much killed her last window.

We both admitted that she will never get to experience that kind of love for a son. Now that we’re succeeding in living in our masculine and feminine polarity attempting to being harmonious in our journey, I know that my wife’s greatest desire in this world is to feel every kind of love imaginable, and it’s my job to set the course so that she has the opportunity for that. I am the Captain, afterall.

But, I was a faggot. I failed to lead her earlier. I could have, because I have now and it was always possible. But I didn’t. I failed, and in that failure, I took something so precious from another human being. Not my wife, but just another human being who relied on me to lead them…. I failed them in a way that can never be recovered from. And that cuts really, really fucking deep inside of me. The guilt will always be there. I will always have to live with that. It will always be my fault that I did not give her an opportunity to experience that.

This introspection was one of my largest lessons of manhood. It was my responsibility, and I failed. That is something I will never be able to undo. Maybe that’s what being a man is all about. Learning to accept when you truly failed at something that will never be undone. Some things can never be replaced or repaired.

When I came to terms with this, I sat my wife down. I looked deeply into her and told her that I was sorry. I was sorry that I had not led us to here earlier, and this was all my fault. I told her that I would carry this burden, forever, with strength – and this was never her fault. She placed her head on my chest and cried for a long time. I cried too, but not for the same reason as her.

Strength, motherfuckers.

kevinfromsales · 2019-11-08T13:51:56+00:00

OYS #01

STATS: 36y, 165 lbs, 21%BF, married 6 years together for 7. Wife is same age. Kids 3 & 5.

Lifts: They all suck. I’ve been going to gym to lift regularly for the last 3-4 months. Started out earlier this year 10 pounds heavier with the goal of cutting calories and losing weight. I got down to 162 a few weeks ago and decided I needed to increase calories with a protein heavy diet to focus on building muscle. I’ve been going to gym consistently 4 times a week for the past 3 months. Finally integrated a meal plan that works with my lifestyle.

Reading summary:
NMMNG, The Rational Male, Preventative Medicine, WISNIFG, TMMSLP, The Book of Pook. The Tactical Guide to Women, If you’re in my office it’s already too late, Unfuck yourself.

Currently Reading:
John Maxwell books on Personal Growth.

Background - what brought me to the RP:
I’m going to preface this with the following, so you understand where I’m coming from. If there were an exemplar of all things beta, it would be me. I took all the terrible advice about how to deal with women, I grew up with an extremely passive role model that I strongly identified with from a very early age, and if I could figure out a way put myself at the back of the line quickest, I would secretly pat myself on the shoulder for being so selfless. All of this is where I come from, not where I’m going.

Fast forward to twelve months ago. I had become overweight, directionless outside of work, and very isolated. My wife and I had moved across the country, got married, started new jobs, bought and sold houses, and immediately starting having kids after marriage. I don’t recommend doing all of that in such a short period unless you have a well established captain/first mate role definition. I did not.

I had leaned into being the “good dad” caretaker, with all sorts of covert contracts that left me more and more frustrated. Most couples have an unresolved conflict that they fight about (usually finances, in-laws, religion, politics, or parenting). Ours was in-laws. Our arguments about family related in-law nonsense got to the point where I wanted a divorce. I started poking around the internet about others post-divorce experiences/regrets. My takeaway was that, people often wish they had “worked harder” prior to calling it quits. I took this to heart and decided to get us into marriage counseling, but she was uninterested. After finding the RP, I have worked to internalize the “stay game is the same as the go game” concept, but at this point I was still completely lost.

Counseling led to many misdirections, and didn’t address the state of our relationship in the context of any sort of broader framework about how inter-gender dynamics work. My BP-self just wanted to perfect my communication and listening skills in order to lead to me getting what I want. When it didn’t work, I just assumed I needed to do the same thing, but do it harder. I poured everything into her, and had no sense of self as a primary mental point of origin. Of course, she didn’t care about any of this, lost what little respect she had, and was mostly already emotionally disconnected from the marriage. While I was investing in the relationship, she drifting farther away. Consider this a cautionary take to BPers sitting on the fence. What I was doing wasn’t working at all. I was just getting more pissed off and victim puking whenever I couldn’t take it anymore.

The Tipping Point: You all are really going to cringe at this part. Its fucking painful. I had started transitioning to asking for what I want in the relationship, and thinking I really deserved it because of all the covert contracts I had in place. I lacked, and still do in many cases, outcome independence, which fucks up the results you get from asking for what you want. In this case, my ask was simple, shut the bathroom door after taking a shit so I don’t have smell shit when brushing my teeth. That is gross and disrespectful. Seemed fair to me, but since it was her birthday, she felt my silly request for respect didn’t really apply to her. Basically, there was a lot of yelling, victim puking, and useless arguing after that. I asked her if she wanted a divorce, and she said she didn’t. I told her I couldn’t live like this, and asked her what she thought mediation and divorce would look like for us. She said she would take the kids and move back to her home town. This was the part where my world as I knew it, just sort of crumbled away. How could the woman I was so obviously trying to “make it work with” respond to my efforts by threatening to take my kids away? This was the moment for me that caused me to throw out all the old beliefs I had about female nature, and reinterpret my previous experiences based on concepts from the Rational Male. For me, the two most influential sources that helped me to change my beliefs and actions are Rollo’s books and the Blue Pill Professor’s videos. Those sources really kick started things for me.

Where I am now: I am not anywhere near where I want to be yet. I’ve started taking more meaningful steps towards a MAP, but it has been challenging to truly refocus on myself and what I want for me and my family after spending so long prioritizing and conforming to other people’s needs. I’ve lost about 5% body fat, and have seen improvements in my lifts, but I just need more muscle. I've always been slighter small, and would like to produce a result that helps me change that fairly ingrained concept about myself. I had been limiting calories to get rid of the dad boobs, which worked, but I decided I don’t need to worry about body fat until I can bench my own weight and squat at least 190. Fitness and nutrition recommendations are welcome.

Making solid attempts at following advice from various RP channels is the only thing that has moved the needle in my marriage, and more importantly, for me. I’ve been doing pretty good at STFU for the past few months, so our stupid arguments have been pretty non-existent. That is 180 degrees from 9 months ago (pre-RP). The DNGAFs have improved, but it isn’t where it needs to be. I am finding that the solution to DNGAF is not to focus on not giving a fuck, its to give yourself something YOU can control that you DO GIVE A FUCK ABOUT, and that is your MAP. The more developed my MAP gets, the less I give a fuck about stupid shit my wife does or says that I cannot control. I’m not there yet, but filling my time up with things that are important to me has helped.

The sex still sucks, but I get fewer hard “nos”. We were at once month, and that has increased to almost once a week, but the quality is not anywhere near the level of enthusiasm it needs to be. It wasn’t until recently that I realized that that may not change, and that it doesn’t matter in the short term. I've finally internalized that what I am doing is not to fix my marriage, or get more sex. Those things truely may or may not follow from all this, and I'm actually ok with that right now based on what I am getting out of this for me. I see a lot of guys on here that seem to get some pretty quick results in the bedroom, but that hasn’t been my experience. I’ve gotten a few IOIs (even from my wife’s friend, which she loved) but nobody is stuffing their number in my pocket. Lots more work to do.

I’ve also been updating the wardrobe across the last few months, and making small changes to my appears that throw a bit of novelty into the mix. A lot of this work starts to get fun after a while.

Shout out to u/HornsOfApathy for his post on encouraging lurkers to start posting in OYS. I intend to continue these, and hope you faggots give me some good actionable advice.

Vegasman20002 · 2019-11-05T13:40:27+00:00

OYS#10

Age: 49 Wife 49. Married 19 years, 2 kids 16 and 9. 5'7" 155. Bench 125 lb5x5, Bicep curls 32 lb, CGBP 105LB. military press 80. Barbell row 105lbs. 150lb deadlift. 150 lb squat. MRP in action since July. Had to take a week off from most lifts as I strained my middle back/shoulder pushing too hard on bench. I bought one of those harnesses to help keep the scapula retracted while benching. So I deloaded 10-20 pounds when I was ready to lift again but got back to where I was before the strain. Still residual soreness in the back but going away.

Lifting: 4-5 days per week. Once I finish cutting am going to start 5/3/1:

Day 1 5x5 Bench Press (alternate incline and flat) Squat Close Grip Bench

Day 2: Seated overhead press Barbell row (or dumbbell as I noticed asymmetry in late development. But it's been a long time since I had lats that could be asymmetrical). Deadlift Bicep curls every once in a while

By next week I will have met two goals - body weight Squat and Deadlift- that I wanted to meet by years end.

Diet

In a cutting phase, 45/30/25 protein/carb/fat. 1800 calories (up from 1600 after re-reading some responses to my question at ask MRP). Hitting within 5% of macro targets most days

Weight is trending down since I started, about a pound or so per week. I am almost down to 150, lost almost three inches on waist and built some muscle also. And yet I still have a spare tire, that's how badly I let myself go.

So it's time to start adding back some calories soon. I am waffling on when to do it- right now want to get down to 145 range before bulking.

Testosterone After a third round of testing my doc prescribed 1% gel. We are going to try it for two months and see whether I have any side effects. Last two T reading were 370 and 382 ng/dl.

Weekly Reading:

Someone posted a link to all of u/jacktenofhearts posts and still reading a bit every day. Re-read Meditations of Marcus Aurelius for the umpteenth time. It is my go-to when I am feeling shitty and helps pull me back and strengthen my frame, such as it is.

Relationship

Still monk mode on sex- she is 5' 195lbs and not attractive to me at all. She is working on it and that is all I can ask for as how I handle it and deal with her size is on me.

She mentioned sex this week and her opinion (about which she said she wasn't mad) that I am embarrassed by her. I didn't deny it or confirm it, I said "I am glad we are both working out and getting better."

And then I should have STFU but I didn't.

I said something like I was making myself better hoping she would find me more attractive. Fucking stupid idiot. I immediately hated myself but it was out there. And it was a flat out lie. It was just a stupid lie to give her some comfort. Then she brought up being embarrassed again and I just fessed up. "Yes I was embarrassed but am no longer , as you are making an effort." Bullshit.

She wasn't mad and it wasn't a surprise.

And then she DEERd: thyroid, hashimotos, need to change dose of medicine etc.

Next day I come home from work and like every other friggin day there is no rest. As soon as I get home it's drive X here, pick up Y there. Our deal is whoever cooks the other cleans, which works great, but it's another chore. Then take care of pets because wife and kids are allergic to hay (we have guinea pigs and a bird).

Yeah I am a faggot sexless oxen and chauffeur with a fat wife. It's not all bad (she is a good cook and mom) but it's not what I want anymore as a guy who is almost 50.

I gave a lot of thought after this about what I want and what the fuck I am doing. And I think I am done.

Yes she is working at losing weight but it's not good enough anymore. I am fucking sick of it. The last time we had sex I went to go down on her and there was a big flap of flab hanging down. Do you have any idea how gross that shit is? Maybe that's all I could get and all I deserved after 20 years of being a piece of shit and a beta. I was an unattractive bald fat guy. So what right did I have to complain? If she went down on me my fat gut was in her face too.

Well I am on the road to shedding that guy for good and once I do I am gone if she is still status quo. I won't be fat and I won't be skinny, I am a well paid attorney, making over six figures, net worth of seven figures and will have some bulk and muscle. That should be a prize. Not something that warrants a 5' sumo wrestler of a wife.

At least those are my thoughts this week. Now to turn them into an action plan and frame. Fuck Dread: I don't need Dread. I need to be a man, make a decision and live with it. Now we will see if I have it in me.

I am 100% certain plenty of guys here said the same shit, only to fall back never to be heard from again. You old timers have seen guys like me come and go, spouting the same thoughts. You have no reason to believe I won't be just another guy who had a flash of insight and motivation only to become a loser again. I have no reason to believe either.

All I have is today's motivation.

Goals:

-decide for sure if the above is what I am doing. Then consult a lawyer.

-keep working my ass off and reading.

-continue motivational self chats every day. Remember that I am still a fat fuck just slightly less so than the day before. But won't be this way forever.

GoingOnAJourney · 2019-11-05T21:41:34+00:00

OYS 11

Stats: Age 42, 6’1”, 170lb. Wife 44, married 9 years, 2 kids age 6 & 2.

Sidebar

NMMNG, WISNIFG, MMSLP, TRM, MAP, Poon, Pook, RP Sidebar, Manipulated Man, TWOTSM x2, SGM x2, SALSM, 48 Laws (50%), MRP top posts, The Naked Mind, Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck, Divorce guide, Models, Extreme Ownership

Reading: Atomic Habits, Ironwood Collection of Alpha Moves

Physical/Health

Squat: 130 DL: 185 Bench: 100 Row: 95

Discipline is on point, even though lifts are still a weak area. Struggling to hit 135lb squat, only hit 5 reps once out of my last 5x5 set. Might be the psychological idea of lifting big boy plates - I want to get this weight done as a personal milestone.

Diet is good, although I’m a little short with my daily protein goals. Want to hit 160g, but weekly average has been 148g. Routine is out of wack with my new job, and I need to settle into some good habits, including planning better meals. Saying that, 3000 clean calories hasn’t been an issue – hit the milestone every day. Have gained a couple of pounds over the last couple of weeks, so am happy with progress there.

BJJ last week was great. Took part in some short sparring rounds, and ended up breaking my pinky. Had it strapped up to the next toe all week, and didn’t feel ready for this week’s session. Chose to miss it with the hope it’ll be good for next week.

Still need to sort out filling these testosterone test blood vials. I’ve been lazy not getting it done to date.

Career

Started my new job last week, which is the reason for skipping the last OYS. Used to write it at my old job as I had plenty of time to do so, but those days are gone. Am in an open-plan office now, and rarely find time to write this at home (like right now). I’ll buy a tablet and find a quiet place at lunch going forward once I resume OYS posts in earnest.

The job itself is fantastic. Have been keeping redpill concepts in mind regarding the way I carry myself when meeting various new colleagues. Calm, confident, good posture, speaking deliberately from the chest, positive attitude - for the most part at least. Feeling great in my new work wardrobe too; I’m amongst the best dressed Men in the office. This feels like a springboard for everything going forward in terms of following my vision.

Habits

Stopping e-cig plan in progress, am now on zero nicotine this week. I felt some withdrawal/shitty mood for the first couple of days, but am fine now. I don’t crave the e-cig as much on 0% nicotine, but will maintain the usage for a couple more weeks at least.

Have put stopping nail biting on the back burner as I keep fucking it up. It’s an Omega habit I definitely want to quit, so I’m going to finish reading Atomic Habits first to see if I can figure out a better way of stopping this shit and come up with a concrete plan for doing so. Odd that the habit that doesn’t really have much in the way of consequences is the one I’m struggling to kick the most.

Frame/Mission

Have relaxed my attitude in terms of my purpose. I’m in a positive frame of mind, eager to work and eager to lead. Have been delegating more tasks to my wife and kids, and setting better/firmer expectations at home, including my two-year old terror. Naturally have been owning my own shit, and I feel in control of the household for the first time ever. It’s a good feeling.

Really enjoying the job, and am conscious of the frame of everyone I interact with. It’s an incredibly eye-opening experience to be weighing up so many new people with my new redpill awareness. I’m in a good place right now.

Relationship/Sex

I’m leading better than I’ve ever done before, and my wife is following for now. I’m far from perfect, I still fail shittests, but the difference is I spot my failures immediately and switch modes (imagine a switch kicking in when Beta shite exits my mouth that flips to STFU/A&A etc.) and most importantly DNGAF that I fucked it up. As for sex, I see glimpses of my wife’s inner slut when I manage to lead her correctly. The other day I was gaming her in the kitchen, essentially looking for a blowjob, but couldn’t get past a soft no. Ten minutes later when I’m on the phone to a friend, she grabs my cock with a naughty smile on her face. I immediately dragged her into the bedroom and hung up the phone mid-sentence. “I was just teasing!” was her cry of protest. “Keep teasing,” I replied and pushed her hand back onto my cock. Something flipped in her and she became the slut I know she can be, running her mouth with hot dirty talk. I received an excellent BJ in front of the mirror.

Been five months since finding MRP, and I’m going to take a break from posting in OYS. It’s important for me to find a good work routine and live my life more organically for a little while. Naturally, that includes sidebar and lift, but will be staying away from reddit. Right now my focus needs to be solely on myself. No distractions.

part_wolf · 2019-11-06T04:13:13+00:00

OYS 11

35 Years old, 6', 196 lbs, married 4 years, together 5.5, daughter is 2.

215lb Front Squat, 265lb DL, 200lb BP, 195lb Clean & Jerk, 155lb Push Press, 150lb Snatch. Down to 16% body fat.

Mission To be a leader, by consistently pursuing strength and excellence across every domain, seeking out peace and joy in my relationships, being accountable to myself, and using adversity as an opportunity for growth.

Health & Fitness

My lifts are stronger, my lean muscle is up, and my body fat is down. I finished out my five week nutrition challenge with a 2% reduction in body fat over five weeks. It feels good.

Relationship & Sex

It's been smooth sailing with my frame with week. I'm beginning to enjoy my wife's shit tests rather than simply tolerating or appreciating them. Each one is an opportunity for me to evaluate my own authenticity and ask myself, "is my resentment really gone? am I expecting anything out of this interaction?" The wife even commented that my attitude has improved, and she's right.

Attitude, frame, call it whatever you want - this feels like what's right for me in a way that nothing has before.

I mentioned last week that I hadn't initiated much sex wise, and after the wife got back from NYC she had a bunch of stress and shit tests ready. Despite single parenting and running around the house trying to get shit done and knock out errands, the wife still felt stressed about the fact that she "came home and the house was in chaos." I threw her a little comfort but otherwise laughed it off. Our cleaning service came in Monday morning and - right on cue - all of my wife's stress is magically gone. When things are running effectively, the stress goes away.

I have a whole new bunch of power phrases now:

"That's sad." or "That's disappointing." or "That's too bad you feel that way."

"I understand." and "I know."

"My concern is..." and "Here is how I hope you'll take this..."

"I need you to..." or "I want you to..."

Those last two have been clutch. The wife put my hand down her panties earlier tonight and initiated sex for the first time in a couple of months, and I told her "I want you to use your mouth for a little bit." For some context, my wife struggles with oral because of things in her past (nothing too serious, but she's uncomfortable blowing me). To my surprise, she just went ahead and did it and wasn't hesitant at all.

I've written previously about my lack of confidence and passive approach in the bedroom, so this is a change from the past and a step in the right direction. She wasn't trying to take control as she has in the past and enjoyed the whole encounter. The fact that I was confident and told her what I wanted just worked. It really was that simple. I plan to lead her further to a place where both of us feel comfortable to express what we want sexually and to be receptive of what the other person wants.

Afterward she said, "you're different." I asked how, and she said, "I don't know, you're just different." I told her I would take that as a compliment.

The focus this week is going to be on building the hamster maze for my wife. I've been struggling with a solid framework/approach around how to create positive feelz, but I've hit on something that's helping: contrast. I've been staying aloof and very easygoing until I initiate the kino (ten second kissing, pulling her in and wrapping her up in my arms). I've deprioritized all of my communication with her during the day and mentioning how busy I am, except when I'm flirting. I'm focused 100% on that when I'm doing it.

Finances & Family

It's so nice not having expectations. In past years leading up to the holidays, my wife and I would get ourselves all worked up trying to make all of our family members happy and trying not to disappoint each other with our gifts (or lack of gifts). I simply don't feel the pressure at all this year to make everyone else happy. I'm setting aside the Christmas budget for the wife and I and I'm buying a couple nice gifts for everyone that I've chosen to. I'm not investing my ego in gift giving or expecting anyone to make me happy with their gifts.

We're hosting a few family members, so I'm putting together a list of some booze to buy and the menu for the week; hopefully they enjoy celebrating with us. If not, I'm happy to let it be their problem. I refuse to let anyone ruin my Christmas.

My biggest commission check of the year is dropping this Friday. Sorry if I've been a little been a little short with everyone lately, I've been waiting for this bonus. To make sure the pool goes in as soon as the ground thaws, I had to lay out the money in advance, and until this little miracle arrived I didn't have enough in my account to cover the check I wrote.

Mindset

I have to own the fact that I didn't stay out of the echo chamber nearly as much as I wanted to. I use Reddit for little except MRP these days, but I really should limit the amount of time I'm spending here. Some of the tasks on my to-do list have been slipping; it's out of straight up distraction rather than laziness, but the effect is exactly the same. I still need to carve out more time for reading as well, but even a snail's pace means I'm not being stagnant. I'm not going to call this a failure, but it still needs improvement to meet my goal.

TRT_Maybe_Deca · 2019-11-06T05:25:34+00:00

37 years old, same for the wife. Married 12

Stats: 5'5 148lbs, 10-12% bf, the highest I have seen my weight in a few months new diet seems to be working. Just started bulking so too early to tell

225 B, 275x3 S, 315x8 DL, 145x5 OHP

TRT keeping test levels near top of the physiological range and E2 in check with regular bloodwork

Reading: NMMNGx2, MMSLPx1.9, WISNIFG, Models, a few more books I cant recall, The Rational Male, Practical Female Psychology, Book of Pook

Going to quote some things from last weeks own your shit:

I am not tightening the 1000' rope and have become complacent

I am coming to realize this is a concept I understand, but have a lot of difficulty implementing. Not to say my wife hasn't stepped up her effort level to follow my lead, some of that due to my increased masculine energy but mostly from increased levels of dread.

Dread and IDGAF seem to be my main tools, which isn't my idea of good leadership.

I was focused on getting sex and being my own point of origin... I got there but still havent moved from that point.

I am no different from most guys here. Found MRP because I was the stereotypical "happy wife, happy life!" idiot who didn't know why his wife wouldn't fuck him.

Even went through some common stages

Anger, lashing out because the truth of all this hurt. She didn't want to fuck because I was unfuckable.
Acceptance, understanding how it is all my fault... even had the moments that a few guys asked about on askmrp recently, I didn't even want to fuck as I started to rid myself of the need for that kind of validation.
Implementation, this actually went pretty well for quite some time and had a lot of. You read the sidebar and then you start to see how it all works in the field... it really is like having a cheat code! However this led me to seek out a different type of validation. Instead of needing reassurance that I was attractive enough, I was playing the game to see how red pill I was. More or less score keeping, how much of my wifes inner slut could I bring out was the metric. At this point I would say my mission was to get kinkier sex.
This is where I am at now, and still trying to figure out what I am really looking at.

I understood my original mission "get kinky sex from wife" wasn't really a mission sooner then later. After that I believe my "missions" were all to vague, you can't hit a target when you don't really know what it looks like.

Current mission is to present my authentic self to the world, still vague but that's the phrase I am using as a jumping off point. This will be refined and expanded on to give myself better direction.

TRP = get pussy

MRP = Get pussy, and lead those around you

This is still getting in my way, after all MRP is about embracing your masculinity and increasing your SMV to get more and better sex. There are a lot of other benifits along the way that we are all well aware of, and those are my focus... because my sex drive hasn't came back after I quit seeking validation/score keeping.

So here I am trying to pick and choose what ideals work best for me, without ending up just sprinkling alpha on it.

That ends my weekly puke

Goals for the coming week are to refine my mission further, and work to understand how to tighten the rope without escalating dread. Also keep being fun, that is something that is not natural to me but when I make a conscious effort I am happier and so are the people around me.

SA_Man33 · 2019-11-06T14:57:27+00:00

OYS #1

Background: First discovered MRP 3 months ago. I roughly believed most concepts of RP theory but was never able to use it in a structured empowering manner. Thus, praise to the guys who set this up and maintains the integrity of it.

Stats: 33yo, Height - 183cm, Weight - 95kg, Wife 36yo, married 8 years, living together 10 years. Children - Boy (5) girl (2)

Fitness: I'm in the unfortunate position of working in a very desolate place at the moment (Construction Manager), closest Gym would be around 250km away. Thus, I bought some dumbbells to start off with. Daily Routine: 25 Push ups, 25 Squats with weights, 20 Hammer Curls, 20 Shoulder Presses, 20 Reverse Fly. I do this Morning, Lunch and in the evening. I've noticed some great results in terms of losing weight, feeling better and looking better as well.

Career: As mentioned above, I am a Construction Manager, thus I tend to travel a lot and see awesome places. Downside is being away from the family from time to time. As it stands I leave my house on a Monday and return on a Friday. I can also honestly say I love my job, plus it pays pretty well.

Finances: Went through a bit of a bad patch in the last 2 years. Basically didn't manage my budget. I relocated and bought a house 2 years ago and got annoyed at my wife for not being able to bring her share of the dough to the household. Not coincidentally, I got my shit together 3 months ago. Started budgeting, stopped useless spending and payed off my vehicle debt. I no longer depend on the wife to assist with household finances.

Relationship: Hold on to your horses, this might get tricky. 4 years ago my wife was in a vehicle accident in which my 1st daughter (age 2) died. If ever you think you'r man enough to handle that shit, think again. At first, after the accident, life went on, but our relationship died. I started resenting my wife for the death of my 1st born child, but knew there was no way in hell I could overtly tell her that. Thus, covertly I turned myself into a monster. I started Drinking (heavily), Started Procrastinating and generally lost all hope for life. I still had a 1 year old boy to take care of and soon to be another daughter. Man, life was hard and I was making it even harder. Skip a couple of years, and I was now in a dead bedroom. At some stage I got my shit back together a bit, but merely faking it, which gave me and my hopes for a healthy relationship some chance. Then I realized that I can't Fake being a dick any longer and blame my wife for it. It's my life, my Relationship, my Children and I need to Take ownership. Thanks MRP.

I'm obviously not where I need to be, but I know I'm better than what I was last week. I've started passing shit tests because of my frame. Sex is not where it should be, but the general trend is upwards. Keeping in mind that I'm only home on weekends, sex is at least twice a week. The Quality is lacking a bit though, but I'm wise enough now to know how to deal with it; I need to get back into proper shape, which will cultivate her desire for me again.

Social: I see myself as a picky social person. I have a few close friends and that's it. Recently (once again, 3 months ago), I joined a golf club and play once a week with random people I meet at work. Sundays, I take my son to the driving range. Meeting new people have been great and have improved my social skills immensely.

Books: MMSLP, The Rational Male, and I love listening to Rollo Tomassi's youtube channel. Busy with NMMNG.

GOALS: I've started with the basics of Goal Setting, which at this stage is only getting my life back together. I'm struggling to find purpose driven goals at this stage though. I think I need to first truly define who I am before I can honestly define who I want to be.

Jupi_ter · 2019-11-07T00:55:15+00:00

36YO, wife 38YO, 1 kid (4). Married 6 years, together 10.

5x5: SQ 235, DL 225 BP 150, OHP 120, ROW 140

Height: 6’2’ - Weight: 188 pounds

RP Over a year

Relationship

I’ve bee trying something different, I’ve been trying to place my self in a frame of mind whereby I appreciate my wife, her presence and her femininity. Not thankful, nor grateful. I have been resetting this a few times a day, just letting my self appreciate her, entirely for my self, and she seems to respond very positively to it. Not connected with physical touch, not as part of a let’s fuck scheme, just a way to experience my time with her from a place I like.

What have I noticed: my raving desire to sexually humiliate her has disappeared, my neediness for her has gone, I’m not doing any little Rambo thing (example: considering the correct alpha response to a text, I just text her what I need to), my sexual desire for her has also dropped significantly.

I’ve always noticed that the way I imagined sex with new girls, and the way I imagined sex with my wife were starkly different. With other girls it was obviously healthy and with my wife it was not. Now they are progressively harmonising, I take it as a sign I am having some success in fixing my self.

Deciding to appreciate my wife came from my wanting to be less self-absorbed and more present. It’s also extremely helpful in giving me a healthy frame of mind when I do not appreciate the fact she is being a bitch. I don’t bark back and I don’t engage, I simply realise that I don’t like that shit without feeling any need to get back at her. This has helped her realise when she is being shitty and correct course.

We fucked once, it was duty and PE. I know sex like this holds us back in and outside the bedroom. I saw how after, she was physically withdrawn, but I’m not letting my self be diminished or put-off. This is an issue I have with my wife, I want to solve it but I’m not going to crucify my self over it. Right now my mindset is to fix my life, fix my self, drop the ego and see if this will take care of it. I still enjoyed fucking, so hey.

It’s something we don’t talk about; in the past, I’ve talked to her about it from a place of neediness and that of course made everything worse. Now more and more I feel like asking her to help move beyond it, because …. I want great sex! LOL - Attraction ebbs and flows, and is still weak, this probably needs more time.

Good choices for you

As part of deciding to finally lead my family, last year I made a lot of decision that I have been executing throughout this year. Sell a house, buy a new house, move out of the city to the countryside. The move is now complete and it has been a total success. The commute works well, having fresh air is amazing, silence is priceless and I still get to be in town/work in 40 minutes. What is most interesting is how suddenly I manage to get shit done. It’s a combination of the environment, having a car, a big garden. Somehow time has dilated and the things that I want to see happening in my life are taking place.

I always read that commute makes ppl unhappy, that’s what science said. Before I could walk from apartment to office in 3 minutes. I should have been the happiest motherfucker. Well, relatively, I was a miserable cunt. I’m just not designed for apartments or the city. I was raised in a very small village, by the sea, surrounded by green. That is what works well for me, and now that I have it again, it’s making a world of difference.

This got me thinking about how one tends to plough on for years convincing one-self that the course is right. I always thought my 3 min commute was the shit. That was garbage I believed for years. My natural environment was something completely different, and I knew this, but I decided to ignore it. When I think of this and I consider my choice of a mate (the personal qualities OUTSIDE of her relationship with me), I’m left wondering about what are good choices for me.

ImNotSlash · 2019-11-05T14:31:06+00:00

Son

"Dad, can you keep a secret?"

When I first began my journey my morning routine was to anticipate the narrative with the wife. If I was caught off guard, I'd flail. If I could anticipate the narrative and think through the conversation and the varoius paths it could take, I found I would be more prepared for whatever she would bring. It wasn't a miraculous discovery. I just decided to pay attention.

Since the blowout between my son and I a couple of weeks ago I knew I needed to do the same here. Don't react. Ego, defensiveness, pride, and frustration are all bad traits and explosive when combined with a reaction.

Anticipate the narrative. I'd been waiting for another opportunity.

"Yes, what's going on?"

"GF's dad caught us having sex."

Fuck. Of the scripts in my head this one did not exist. I'm not sure if it was that or the quick image of him running ass naked from an angry father that made me chuckle.

"It's not funny."

"I'm sorry."

We talked about it on the way home and had a good conversation. I shared some of my war stories with him. I asked why he didn't want Wife to know. He didn't really have a reason. "Well," I said, "it's up to you."

Lifts

My best BP day (volume) was nearly a year ago; 135x3x10. Since then it had become a constant struggle. A little progress here, a step back there. No matter what I tried I just couldn't beat through that shit. Perhaps at a point it even became mental. That it became linked with OHP made it even more aggravating.

Two weeks ago I finally got the breakthrough. Hit 135x3x10 +10. My PT who I hired occasionally to look at my form and technique knew I could've blown the roof off the gym no matter how hard I tried to hide my excitement. The next round in I wanted to see where I was at on my 3x5's. My previous best here was 155. I loaded up and cranked out 155x3x5 +5. Last week I did 175x3x5 -1 and 155x3x10.

I ignored OHP as I wanted to ride the momentum. Now that I feel I'm "caught up" on BP I rotated OHP back into the program. 105x3x10 and 125x3x5; both also best volume.

The secret? A fucking sweater. Maybe the elbow sleeves helped though they're thin and I'm going to replace them with neoprene sleeves. We had a cold front finally come through so I wore a sweater. Best I can figure is it helped keep my muscles warmer longer.

And wrist wraps. Like viagra, but for iron.

The tiniest shit...

Squats are at 325x3x5 and 260x3x10.

DLs are 325x3x5 and 300x3x10 -3 last time. I find it interesting my 3x5 on both squats and DL are identical but so off on the 3x10's. I do use wrist straps as my grip strength isn't there yet for the 3x10's; working on it.

Wife

I think thoughts with Son and our relationship have killed my libido a bit. I've been gaming Wife but not really initiating or, if I have, taking soft No's.

Saturday morning I made a huge family breakfast. Big-ass pancakes that Son loves; eggs, bacon, donuts, cinammon twists, chocolate milk. Damn, it was good. After, we took Son to GF's house then her and I went to a local brewery. Originally we were just going to hang a couple of hours and go to the movie. Some others showed up and we ended up just spending most the day there sitting, bullshiting and drinking.

Lately she's been laying down with her head in my lap or on my shoulder. It's been a long damn time.

Family getaway this weekend. I honestly have no plans or ideas of what we're going to do. Fuck it. Let's see what happens.

hack3ge · 2019-11-05T12:34:04+00:00

OYS #28

Dear diary. I fucked a lesbian over the weekend. This woman hadn't been with a man since college, is currently married to a woman with kids together and had never had an orgasm from a man. I couldn't resist the challenge. Her: "I don't suck dick. It's always been unenjoyable." Me: "I bet you give great blowjobs and just forgot how. I really want you to suck my cock now." Her: "OK, but just take your shirt off." Hnnggggg All I had to do was inject the idea into her head that going back to my hotel was the play.

I haven't felt desire like that before. The only thing I offered her was masculine energy and tingles. She makes more money than me. She paid for everything that night and was just happy to be with me. Being desired simply because I am attractive and fun is a new experience. I didn't feel like I was with a stripper who only stayed with me as long as I tipped her.

She caught feelz and is planning to leave her wife. She was already unhappy before but after meeting me said she hasn't felt that in over 10 years- that raw unbridled attraction for another person regardless of sex. She doesn't want to stay in a marriage where she isn't happy. She is planning her exit strategy after the holidays. I am not divorcing my wife and told her it wasn't an option right now. I wouldn't even entertain an LTR with her on any other woman regardless of my marital status.

I got home from the trip and wife was tired from being alone with the kids and bitchy. Her anxiety was through the roof because of me being away. Her mom stirs the pot and tries to covertly make her insecure about me being gone and always hints to her I am cheating. "Your husband is too attractive. You are such a trusting woman to not get jealous." We hung out Sat night and watched the UFC card together on the couch. I had no desire to game her. I was checked the fuck out. We got into bed and she asks if I am going to rape her (meaning, she says no I am tired, but I fuck her anyway). I just gave her a look of amused incredulity. She fell asleep on my chest per usual. Next morning she offers me a quickie but I passed on it. I felt apathy for her.

Yesterday morning she demanded sex at night. I told her she had to be a good girl if she wanted dick. She tried to show good faith and sucked me off for a minute before leaving downstairs. At night before BJJ class she asks me to fill up her car with gas. I said no. She flips out and cries about it and says I am not meeting her needs. Also reminds me that we are not in a D/s relationship. I just said "Oh, I know". I got home from class and she was still sulky. I ate dinner and went upstairs to read a bit before bed. She follows me up. We get in bed and she is being strange as fuck. She comes up behind me and is massaging me, like I would do to her when I wanna fuck. She started playing with my ass and jerking me off. I roll over on my back and ask her what the fuck she is doing. She tells me to shut up. She rides me like a psycho and cums. We fuck until I cum and I roll over and go to bed. I felt nothing for her except apathy.

One way or another, I am going to be happy. I am going to become the man of value that I envision for myself and the only person standing in the way of that is me. I am getting dressed and driving to an office a few hours away. My plate (or fwb?) is taking me to dinner tonight.

mrbadassmotherfucker · 2019-11-05T09:20:25+00:00

OYS #4

3 months into my MRP journey.

35y, 5'9", 175lbs, 14% BF, married for 8 years, kids: 2 boys (4yrs & 2yrs)

Back Squat: 340 lb 3x5

Deadlift: 374lb 3x5

Bench Press: 242lb 3x5

Dips: 132lb 3x5

Overhead Press: 135lb 3x5

Pullups: 100 lb added 3x5

Rows: 235 lb 3x5

Reading Summary

MMSLP, NMMNG, the Book of Pook, WISNIFG, MAP, Day Bang, Game, 16 Commandments of poon, TWOTSM, Daily readings of MRP/ASKMRP posts.

In Progress: Rational Male (20%), TWOTSM again (25%), Sex god method (50%)

Physical & Frame

Eaten too much shit recently. Cutting next week for a few weeks to get my abs more visible again. The thing I have most trouble with is maintaining a clean diet AFTER I’ve cut. During my cut my mentality is fucking strong, so I don’t see why I fall into the trap every time.

It links back to my Frame. As it was pointed out to me recently, I need to have the same mentality with holding frame in the face of shit tests. Most shit tests I don’t have a problem with dealing with, infact I quite enjoy them. This morning for instance, “why are your workouts taking an hour now” (I workout in the morning at 5:45 and the wife gets the kids ready for school until I come in and sort out breakfast etc.) The fact is they have always taken more or less an hour, this wasn’t really a dig at my workout times, she was just feeling the heat of the kids playing up and decided that she would focus the negative emotions at me. “Well, maybe if I only fuck the neighbours wife once instead of twice I could shave 10 minutes off…” Then I neg her infront of the kids and tease her a bit and we have a completely different, happy woman. Fun stuff.

The shit that blows my balls back into her frame is when she looks fucking confused and starts questioning my reasons for doing what im doing.

Ive worked through this the past week with u/sepean and u/hack3ge which has helped me gain some perspective on where I was going wrong and how to tackle this area, so I know if the big shit tests like this come, ive got to maintain frame and not allow this shit to affect me.

I was fucking angry at myself recently for letting her emotions control me like this. Fuck the explaining, even if I explain in a way that isn’t giving into her demands, even if I’m explaining shit in a way that helps her understand what I desire from her if she is to remain in this relationship… it’s a weakness I need to shed.

I guess Rome wasn’t built in a day, and beta males weren’t converted to alpha over night.

Game

Like I mentioned above, I’m having quite a bit of fun with this. I’m also being sporadic and creating exciting events and things for us to do as a family as well as just me and the wife.

Want to practice more negging, rapport breaking, disqualification, etc. I’ve been adding it into each day so just trying to spot as many opportunities as possible to get this in.

Relationship

This is going exactly as u/sepean has outlined to me. Ups and downs, with a general upwards trend. I’m, expecting a main event to come sooner or later, so want to make sure im prepared for this.

After our recent “conversation” she’s sweet, even MORE sex than usual, which was plenty to keep my balls drained and she is all over me.

Can’t get soft though, which is a trap ive fallen into, which is why I want to keep my game on point.

Readings

I’m reading “The Way of The Superior Man” again, as the first time round was a mind fuck of cryptic information! I took out of it plenty, but know I can increase this by re-reading it.

Other self-improvement

Looking into BJJ now as recommended by u/hack3ge. Was thinking of Mauy Thai, but haven’t decided yet. Cant do this until new year anyway as funds are low at the moment.

Need to generate more circles of friends that aren’t just other families me and my wife hang out with. Most of my friends are BOTH of our friends, so maybe I can meet some guys to hang out with from BJJ or Muay Thai in the new year.

DirtyNuke · 2019-11-05T11:01:40+00:00

OYS 14

Stats

Age 64 Ht 5'11" Wt 163 Wife 65 Married 43 Together 46

Reading: 48 LoP, Epictetus Discourses

Physical

Thank goodness for time at the gym. Tenuous situation at work make this opportunity to focus all the more useful.

Abundance

No progress here

Work/Finance

The client is reorganizing, and my role/position is going away. Sometimes during this flux I can move to a different group, other times I end up being let go. This flux is an opportunity to just take things as they happen, and move on if that's what's needed. I have a set of regular contacts that I will activate, but this time of year is always a challenge.

Mindset

Uncertainty in one sphere triggers uncertainty in others. Without effective frame or abundance, I'm fighting rear-guard actions against years-old memories. I have been using some mindfulness/meditation techniques with some limited success. Reading Epictetus helps.

Relationship

Got into a discussion of what I consider still unresolved issues given the recent revelations. She insists that her new behaviors should be evidence of the "new her". Which got into issues of trust and belief, given her history of lies. I offered her a divorce but she insisted she wants to be married to me. Surprisingly, there really wasn't a lot of drama, more just a chat. Not surprisingly, she did not react at all to the idea of divorce. My paper bag frame does not scare her a bit.

Next Step Goals

Get clarity about work situation, rise above the uncertainty, let life happen. Reading this over I realize how much I really need to put into practice all the Stoic philosophy reading as a life attribute for minute by minute behavior.

Deathmetal_deadlifts · 2019-11-05T12:03:49+00:00

OYS #11

Summary: Wrote a MAP, started working on the money issues. I am becoming less and less emotional when dealing with problems at home and at work.

Stats: 39 yo, height 185 cm, weight 85kg, bodyfat 14% calipers 17% navy method, wife 39 yo, living together for 13 years, married for 8. Kids are 2 (girl) and 6 (boy).

Lifting stats: squat 80kg x5-6 reps, deadlift 110kg x6 reps max.

Sidebar readings:

MMSLP, NMMNG, WISNIFG, RM, TWOTSM, MAP – read 1x. Now bought BPP’s book.

Health: Last week the thyroid panel came out and turns out antibodies are slightly worse an T3 is way down. Decided to continue eating carnivore for one more month, this time without dairy and limited amount of eggs. I’ll also do my best not to restrict calories. Then I’ll run the tests again. Libido is going to be a factor as well. Just to clarify – my problem with low sex drive is not caused by the current diet. It started way back and it coincides perfectly with the 3xweek lifting routine. It also coincides with reading NMMNG and realizing what a faggot I’ve been.

Started treatment with T3 for the thyroid in addition to the T4. Dosing it myself, T3 is not officially sold here. So far, I think it gives me more energy than usual but could be a placebo effect for all I know.

Lifting: Lifted 3x last week. The last couple of months I was doing a minimalist routine with just squats, deadlifts, T-bench presses and some shoulder work. Now I’m returning to the full workout that my coach gave me, which is 2x40 min workouts and a 1 hour workout on Sunday.

Career: Nothing new. Work is super challenging, yet I find myself more and more emotionally detached.

Finances: According to the MAP this is where I have most of my “reds”, including credit card debt. I revised the family budget, gave it to the wife and we agreed to have monthly checkups. I suggested we investigate the public school in the neighborhood, wife agreed. We have a meeting with the principal next week. I’m already doing weekly reviews for myself similar to the OYS, now I’m including a budget status item. Requested a refund on a couple of stupid e-books I bought this month.

Kids: Nothing new. I continue to set time to play with the son and the daughter.

Relationships & sex: Nothing new. I’m still not initiating.

Sobering up the captain: Don’t ignore broken items, Athol Kay says. I fixed some minor stuff this weekend and will fix some more next Saturday.

Social: I was planning to go out with a friend this Thursday. Turns out I don’t have friends. I called this one guy who cannot go out on week days. Wanted to call a friend from way back who I consider a natural red pill guy, but the phone numbers I have are not valid anymore. I have a business trip planned for the day, I’ll just go to a bar and chill for a while before coming home.

Goals from the previous post:

• ~~Find a weekend nanny –~~ I meant ‘evening nanny’, not weekend

• ~~Sit down to write the MAP –~~ done. Almost all reds are in the Money section. In Health, I have to deal with energy levels and libido. All the rest is second priority

Goals for next OYS:

• fix something in the house

• plan a date night

• do weekly budget checkups

sea-tease · 2019-11-05T14:11:20+00:00

OYS #14

STATS: Age 50, wife 49. 4 kids – 19,17,13,11. 5’7, 153lbs. 10 months into RP journey

PHYSICAL: Gave all my lift stats last week and will update a little next week. Based on a recommendation by /u/alohaMaui808, I am switching my workout closer to 5x5 because my all over gains are slower. So rather than 8,10 and 12 reps, I upped weights some and did 5 reps of five. The one thing I did notably accomplish was 5 reps of 5 squats of 155. Slowly increasing this.

RELATIONSHIP: For those of you who remember, I outlined what I perceived to be a main event a month and a half ago. Then another about three weeks ago that I didn’t think of it as such until Horns and Hack3ge pointed out that it was close but not quite yet. Then last week I documented another event which seemed to be the breaking point. This past week I have had a different girl. Sweet, touchy, communicative, and close. Although not sexually creative or overtly sexual, the sex has been much more “immersed.” Last night, on a short hike, we were talking about Christmas travel plans and making decisions and the conversation ended with “We’ll see how it works out but whatever you decide, I’ll follow you.” Exact words and good ones to hear. It took 10 months, a lot of input here, a shit load of work on my part - mental, discipline, spiritual, reading, studying, practicing, more physical, financial, more mental… I am at a point where I have us where I want us. I spent a lot of time working on a contract a while back and was called out for short cutting so ultimately scrapped it and went back to just focusing on my personal growth which was the right thing to do. But I really quit envisioning what I want my marriage to look like. So, I realized that I am at a point now where I can begin to create the relationship I want. I will be spending my time still working on me WHILE mapping out want I want this to look like. I re read /u/hornsofapathy “Your wife is your greatest creation” post this week to get the wheels turning. Great read.

SPIRITUAL: I am what you would call a “walking Christian.” My relationship with Christ is the center of my life. It still is. I knew after reading TRM, I was going to go through RP anger and I knew some of that would be directed at the church but I didn’t realize how deep that anger would run. To the point that I’ve gone once in seven months. It’s been very hard for me and I am struggling reconciling how much I have grown as a man, husband, father and friend since coming here to MRP vs. what I’ve learned in the church in this area in 30 years. Many of you guys live out a better version of what I believe God made men be than most men I know in the church. I don’t need church to follow Christ, my relationship with Him is still very strong but I am going to have to reconcile what to do with the church itself vs. what I have learned. This is going to become a part of my overall mission.

resolutions316 · 2019-11-05T14:22:59+00:00

Been a few weeks. Been working like a mad man, digging myself out of a hole I put myself in. Is what it is.

A few small updates before I go and get back to work:

- Despite massive amounts of stress from the business, I actually feel great. Lack of stress = lack of growth. I'm patching holes I should've patched months ago. Flew out to CA to see a very successful friend and realized it's time for me to fix shit up, get it running to where it pays what it needs to pay, then put it on autopilot and explore new things. Total shift in focus. Love it.

- For our 7th anniversary my wife got boudoir photos taken. She had a classy, bound book of glossy photos made for me, then sent me about 200 digital photos. My wife has had major body image issues since her last pregnancy; she never "felt sexy"; all of sudden, here she is in lingerie, tons of ass shots because that's what I like, etc.

The photos are amazing, but what's more amazing is this development in her. Part of that's my progress (dread is real, and she obviously is more likely to feel sexual if I'm more attractive); part of it's purely her own development as a person. It's a very, very good sign.

Growth comes in fits and starts, followed by plateaus. I feel like we may be breaking through a recent plateau. I want to keep pushing our sexual relationship forward, see how far we can take it. Blowjobs every day? Anal? Who knows, I'm curious where it can go.

But I'm happy with how far we've come, and if you told me this was our upper limit, I wouldn't want a divorce. I'd probably supplement outside the marriage, but we've reached a good point, and I prefer my wife to most women I see.

Big difference from when I started here.

- TRT continues. I feel good, maybe not quite as great as I did initially, but TRT has also coincided with a period of higher stress and worse sleep. I've noticed I had a similar pattern in heart rate/HRV last year during this time. Slow business, changing weather, etc. Want to try and disentangle the effect of the T (which can raise RHR) and the stress. But my focus is 100x better, I look better (not sure that's from the T or just a period of better diet / exercise), etc.

additionalpie4 · 2019-11-05T14:39:38+00:00

OYS #17

OYS #16

Stats: 35yo, 6’3”, 198lbs, BF 16% (Navy), SQ = 150lbs / BN = 145lbs / DBR = 55lbs / OHP = 85lbs / DL = 165lbs, WAS Married 13ys (together 17). 4yr old kid. Divorced couple months.

Reading List: Finished NMMNG, MMSLP, WISNIFG, SGM, StepMonster & Pook. Currently Reading RM V1 (75%). I need to figure out my next reading, maybe MAP or Bang.

Follow Up: Still enjoying life as a single man but still have a bunch of fagotness I need to work through to become the man I want to be. I did better with the lifts and the eats this week, need to pick up my reading game again.

Physical: Still skinny fat (man boobs are gone but no visible abs). On maintenance calories while lifting. I am still WAF. Lifting with SL5x5, I my form is SHIT across the board, but I have been watching Alan Thrall videos as suggested. I am also working with some HITT cardio and distance cardio when I have less time. Lastly I added pull ups (currently can rep 2) No drugs (17yrs sober), nicotine (7yrs sober), porn (20 months sober) or regular coffee (8 months sober). Need to continue focus on this, I know this week is going to be bad as I have little man solo during my next two workouts. I need to find a plan to get to the gym so I don’t lose my progress as it is.

Finances: Love my Job. Still have a crazy budget with the divorce, lawyers, and this probably won’t settle until house sells and new house is bought, this should be completed in January 2020. Moving is expensive and be I must keep getting my stuff in boxes so I can get out of my current house and move into my new one.

Relationships: After becoming single last week, I re-downloaded Bumble and so far, struck out a bunch on the girls that I find attractive, but the heavyset ones still love me. Then I downloaded Match and that was even worse. Lastly, I tried the app Hinge and oh my have I got some good results so far. I went one 3 dates in 2 days and had a bunch of fun. I have yet to be balls deep but one I want to take that chance with. I want to blame the PC algorithm why I am not matching like I did previously, but I am sure my fagot-ness is transcending platforms. So I know the plan here is to keep lifting, reading and becoming more attractive to get the kind of girl that I want. Plus I need to look outside of the apps because it seems ladies have the natural advantage in that realm.

ONE lady is still kind of in my cards but unless something turns around quick I don’t think anything more fruit will bear from that branch. I also had a great week with my guys and my kid. It was one of the finest weekends I had going out with my guys to a college tailgate.

Goals: LIFT, READ, STFU. Keep my schedule of morning lifts on TRS, then MWF read, STFU and read more every day. Get me right, spend a lot of time with the kid and become more attractive. Some short-term goals are to continue watching Alan Thrall videos, research my next MRP book reading and get back on tracking the food that goes into my mouth.

LeanFatso · 2019-11-05T14:54:16+00:00

OYS# 22

Physical / Lifts:

83 kg, 1.82m, I'm back to stronglifts + accessories.

Squats: 5x5 95 kg

DL: 5x5 115 kg

BP: 5x5 75 kg

OHP: 5x5 42.5 kg

Hobbies / Social Activities:

Archery, Language courses, different parties every weekend, guitar, reading and composing music.

Social / Sexual / Mindset:

I will try to be as clear and concise as possible.

A few weeks ago one of our threesome candidates was in the city for a few days, we invited her for dinner in a restaurant and a second time for dinner at our place. My wife was really attracted to her, but she really insisted on me not to initiate. The 3some candidate is married and she was feeling guilty about it. Even though I wanted to escalate I didn't. I regret it a bit as I'm pretty sure that the 3some lady was pretty excited, her body language and eye contact were everything that I needed to know. Thinking about it now this is a classical case of watch what she does not what she says.

Fast forward a bit, we had some small vacations and I couldn't stop thinking about how it would be to fuck a foreigner woman. Guess getting into a relationship really early has its price. Small note here, sex is whenever I want it to be, she blows me when I want and so on. Anyway, we get back from vacation and I decided that I want to experiment with other pussy and I also want to keep my marriage. So I sit her down and say "here is the deal, I like to fuck you, you make me horny and I have no complaints. Our marriage is going in an awesome direction and we have a lot of potentials. But I still want to fuck other women either with or without you". At this point, I thought that hell was going to break loose. She looked at me and said, "I can completely understand that sentiment, we got in a relationship really early".

I asked how she was feeling and she asked for time to process the information, no problem. We discussed other stuff, my vision to our future (not sex-wise) and so on. I was impressed how deep and easy was the conversation.

Fast forward a bit (again), she is the happiest (and horniest) I've seen in years (?!?!?!) which is getting me confused as fuck. During sex she keeps bringing other women into our dirty talk, asking who I would like to fuck. A few days ago she woke me up sucking my dick so hard and again asking things like that. I'm not sure if I should be happy as fuck that this seems to be going the direction that I want or scared.

Oh well, I think one of the main things that I took from this whole convo is that if I want things to be the way I want (a marriage where I can have side plates) I should get out of my head and make my moves.

Any feedback from someone that got in a similar situation would be very appreciated.

Stoic_Wrangler · 2019-11-05T14:57:04+00:00

OYS #11

Stats:

Age: 29, Ht: 6’1 Wt: 219

Gym:

5/3/1 Rep Maxes This Week:

Bench Press – 170 x 12

Front Squat – 230 x 5

Deadlift – 360 x 11

Had left shoulder pain resurface from an injury a few years back. I just did dumbbell work in lieu of OHP this week. I brought my grip closer for bench press this week to see if it alleviated some of the pain which is why my bench looks like it went down.

My first year on 5/3/1 BBB I made a ton of progress and it seems to have hit a screeching halt this past summer. I have been block-headed and stubborn and refused to change anything in my program. I need to switch something up or add some variety in my assistance lifts. The only thing that has remotely moved in the past year is front squats because I focused on them and they are a new strength movement for me.

Readings: Almost done with Unchained Man. He does harp a lot against monogamous relationships. It seems like he advocates a higher level plate-spinning methology. To each their own. The section on goal setting and the E3D and Checklist system seems very organized.

Career:

Plan is to keep head down and work while taking calls from recruiters in case things fall through here. There seems to be a semblance of guidance in the right direction. There is nothing really out of my control here that should prevent me from hitting my numbers and making commission so I have no right to complain about work.

I had 3 potential deals fall through yesterday and instead of putting my head down and kept working I moped around in the morning and felt sorry for myself with “woe is me” victim mentality. Pathetic attitude and that will keep me in mediocrity if I don’t nip that in the bud.

I reached out to our former director to thank him for his time and for hiring me and he wrote back a nice email. It sounds like he would be a good reference for future roles.

Teaching:

Teaching has actually been pretty good the past few weeks.

Relationships:

Good right now. I might go to meet her family for Thanksgiving lol. A former plate texted me on Saturday at 11pm and I just let it go. I find that I am thinking less about sex with new girls in a “prove myself” kind of way. I realize that sex is easily found and it does not make me a better man. It is wonderful, but a basic and essential need like food.

Project:

The bookshelf is officially finished, just waiting for the last coat of finish to dry and cure.

Bottom Line:

I have been sucking in the gym recently and need to make some changes and prioritize rehab so I can keep making progress.

Balls_Wellington_ · 2019-11-05T15:08:33+00:00

OYS #9

Switched over to posting an OYS every week because the grind isn't very eventful.

Fitness Calculated 1RM (don't get triggered, this is the easiest way to normalize between 4 and 8 rep sets without wasting a lifting day doing my maxes): Bench 220, Squat 360, DL 385. I'm in screaming distance of 1k club, which has been a goal of mine.

Started taking creatine and eating more since I wasn't seeing gains in the weight room. For now, I'm going to focus on getting strong (1k to 1.1k on the big 3) and then cutting, since I feel as though I don't have enough muscle mass for a cut to be worth it right now. Ideally I can find a point where I cut down to about 170-175 without my lifts dropping below 1k.

Lifting 3x per week, 2x treadmill HIIT and various active stuff on the rest days seems like the right balance for me. I've noticed that the HIIT cardio is giving me a little more gas on my 8 rep sets than I had without it.

I've put on 5 lbs in the last week, but most of that is creatine water weight.

Working out is slowly helping me with my other goals as I have more energy than normal to actually do things.

Relationship

Slow and steady progress on this front. My wife is more receptive to physical affection than she was pre-RP.

Plenty of shit tests, but I am a lot better at recognizing/passing them than in was previously.

This is in a pretty good place, and I expect the improvement will continue as long as I am less lazy outside of work and stick to my self-improvement.

Since I've started focusing on eliminating validation-seeking behavior, I've been a lot less inclined to try to fuck my wife. I still am attracted to her, but it seems like a lot of my previous attempts were just me trying to prove what a Big Man I was instead of just wanting fun, hot sex.

I've been lazy about gaming her, mostly because I am busy but partly because I know my game is ass. This needs to be a bigger focus for me.

Hobbies

I've not done a great job on this front. I only played my guitar one night last week, but I'm trying to go to a jam session at the end of November. I'll need to play almost every day if I'm going to get enough of the rust off to actually go on stage, even for a jam session. Ten years ago I was good enough to play live, so it should just be a matter of getting the old chops back. I'll probably just play rhythm anyway, I think it is pretty Bush league to try to play a solo your first time up.

If anyone in Houston wants to jam a little, let me know.

Goals: Play at least a half hour every night, no exceptions

Social

I've gone out socially twice in the last week. This is progressing pretty well, although all of my friends in this city are still through work.

Goals: go out at least once a week. Get my wife used to me taking an evening for myself now and then.

Summary

The grind is slow. Journey before destination.

RedPillBluegrass · 2019-11-05T15:58:20+00:00

OYS 064 191105

Stats:

Age	Height	Weight	Fitness	Days since RP
44	5' 10'' (177.8 cm)	186 lbs (84.4 kg)	Bulk	541

LTR	Years	Age	Fitness	Children
Common Law	10	37	Getting Fit	4

Dumbbell Bench	Squat	Deadlift	Preacher Curl	Weight Dips	Shoulder Press	Dumbbell Row (Single)
210 lbs (95.3 kg) x 3	275 lbs (124.7 kg) x 3	275 lbs (124.7 kg) x 4	125 lbs (56.7 kg) x 5	90 lbs (40.8 kg) x 11	135 lbs (61.2 kg) x 4	105 lbs (47.6 kg) x 7

Bike (week)	Run (week)
68 mi (109.4 km)	7.5 mi (12.1 km)

I have no time to get more jacked. The only way is to work less at a job where I work for someone else. I am actively figuring out how to change this.

Rule Zero

I have missed the last two OYS for various reasons. I haven’t rushed to post as I know the solutions, it has taken me weeks to press them. They are long term, require a shit ton of work, but progress is being made. Many things happened in these weeks so I will try to be concise for my own learning.

I went to a friend’s brother’s funeral last week. The guy was fat, drank every weekend, was on heavy medication, well-liked in his peer group, had an HB2 GF (no kids), had friends to carry his casket and dead at 48. By many standards, he accomplished little in his life as his obituary and speakers spoke of nothing beyond daily activities. Standard things were said… fan of X and Y sports teams… railed against local political things (yet did nothing about it) worked his way up in the same ventilation company over 25 years (still on the tools, not in management). Template mediocre life. But, he had something I have almost none of… friend… I need to change this.

I haven’t had sex in eight weeks. I have no sexual interest in the mother of my children (MoMC). I can force myself sure, she isn’t going to say no, but something she said eight weeks ago really stuck with me. It wasn’t just what she said at the time, it has also been my listening to the Book of Pook over and over again.

I read the Book of Pook over a year ago as part of MRP “training”. However, I never internalized any of the book until I began listening to it on repeat. The takeaways I have found in the book are the solutions to my unhappiness in my life and to be quite frank, a way of me to stop hating myself and maybe… just maybe have a better life with MoMC if I chose.

Eight weeks ago after fucking MoMC she said something along the lines of “You just want sex… I am worth more than just a fuck after you get back from the gym”. I replied with a playful “Of course!”, but it took me a few days to process what she said, and it made me realize three things. 1) I don’t like her enough to do anything else with her or even have a better sex life, 2) I am not fully following my mission and 3) I am boring.

I am in the process of solving 2 and 3. This will sort out 1. The major issue now is that not instigating sex with MoMC looks like major butt hurt on her end. She confronted me last week. I let the door open a bit… I paraphrase the conversations.

Me: “You said you are worth more than just a fuck… I agree… and I am too” MoMC: “I stand by that, I deserve more” Me: “If I had my shit together, if I was doing exactly what I want in my life, 100%... you would beg for my dick scraps” MoMC: “...” MoMC: “I never stopped you from doing anything” Me: “No… you never stopped me, I let you stop me. I am no longer negotiating my life with you… it is all up to me”.

She asked again if I was going through a mid-life crisis, I said if this was a mid-life crisis I would be fucking two bisexual 25-year-olds three times a week and still be a simpering fucking loser. I said, when I get my shit together, I still might fuck those two 25-year-old bisexual broads but now invite her along to join in and she would be happy to do so.

Yes I can talk a big game. I just need to implement the changes to get my shit together. Time… Time… Time… Time.

DeWittorComstock · 2019-11-05T16:58:10+00:00

OYS 22

36, 5’9”, 177 lbs, 14% BF, Married 6 years, together 10, just one little one

Lifts (tested 1RM) - Bench - 185, Squat - 220, Deadlift - 275

The Story So Far

Just trudging along.

Physical

Getting back into the routine after a week away from home was a little rough, but it feels great being back at it. Recently started doing 15 minutes of yoga before every work out, and I gotta say its been a great addition to my morning routine. Not only does it warm up my muscles, it centers me mentally and that combined with lifting seem to create a strong start for the day.

Mental

The family trip was a reminder that I need to work on controlling my emotions, especially in stressful situations. I use to cope with stress by shutting down emotionally, but now I am trying to ride and mange the wave of emotions with mixed results. The most useful tool so far has been to remind myself that 99% of the negative emotions I feel are due to some disconnect between what I am feeling and what I am thinking. Once I stop lying to myself and embrace the emotion it becomes significantly easier to deal with it because I can either a) do something to actually fix the problem b) realize its outside of my control and move one c) learn from my mistakes and move on. The root of the lie is usually in either my perceived abilities, my expectations, or my motivations. It has been a slow, ugly process, but I think I am making progress.

I recently managed to de-couple my sense of self worth from the value I provide to the world. This was surprisingly challenging because I do genuinely like to help others, and I want to add value to the world, but I noticed that when my self worth was coupled to the value I generate it left me always feeling like I would never be good enough. I am now trying to build that self worth by getting my needs fulfilled while continuously improving myself. I still want to strive to add value to the world, but instead of trying to maximize the value added, I am trying to focus on discovering my limits. Any value added while doing so is only a bonus. The goal here is to discover what I suck at, embrace that I suck at something, and then move on. On the flip side, I want to discover exactly what I am great at, rock the fuck out of it, and be proud of what I can accomplish.

Relationship

I need to work on gaming my wife. Week days are devolving into an almost business like mood. When we get back from work we focus on duties around the house, get the little one to bed, have about an hour to ourselves then we pass out. Wake up next day, rinse and repeat. Weekends are a little better, but we have been so busy with family activities that we have not had much time to ourselves. We work great together, but I need to pull my head out of my ass, stop getting lost in the daily routine, and fuck my wife. I have been so focused on the husband/father part of the relationship that I have been neglecting the boyfriend angle. Going to revist some posts on Game, re-read bang, and focus on being more engaged during the week.

Career

My career is the one place I have a clear vision of what I want in my life right now. A promotion is in the works and I have a plan to continue to climb the ranks. Ideally, I will get another promotion in the next 3 years but that is dependent on some factors that are outside of my control. Regardless, I will find other opportunities in the company, and at this point, I am only limited by my own drive. It is weird to have such a clear path forward in one part of my life by have it lacking in other areas.

Where to now?

Keep working, strive to find my limits, have more fun. I also need to formulate a mission to help me stay focused on this journey.

Cloudy_Pirate · 2019-11-05T17:30:06+00:00

OYS #31 (OYS Journey started Jan 2019)

Age: 44y, Height: 5’9”, Weight: 190 lbs, BF 18%

Relationship: Wife is 42y, married 19 years, 4 kids (16y,14y,10y,6y)

Lifts (Demonstrated 1RM):

Squat: 300lbs; Deadlift: 340lbs; Bench Press: 225lbs; Overhead Press: 150lbs

Sidebar reading :

MRP Posts, MMSLP, NMMNG, SGM, WISNIFG, TWOTSM, Pook, TRM

The Vision:

Lead. Be the oak. Enjoy abundance, generosity, and adventure in all areas of life – sexual, mental, physical, spiritual

Lead (Most of my life, I have been a passive, but strategic opportunist. I want to change passive to active.) – Several weeks ago, I agreed to take on a stretching project at work that was way outside my normal job and my comfort zone. The project sucks in so many ways, but I am staying positive and racking up the wins where I can get them. I had to overcome numerous regulatory and compliance hurdles, AND I needed to recruit volunteers for nearly a thousand hours of light manual labor. The planning part is almost done, and we start execution soon. The motivational communication/incentive (again - way outside my comfort zone!) for the volunteers seems to be working. I got about 500 hours signed up for in the first 24-hour sign-up period so it’s likely I will get the thousand that I need. I’ve been pretty stressed about this, so I’ll be glad when the whole thing is done.

Be the Oak (Focused on staying out of her head, swaying with her and supporting her emotions, but always maintaining a positive frame.) – This is coming more naturally the more that I do it. Shit testing is mostly playful and fun. I’m doing better with comfort tests. When I am well grounded, all is well.

Sexual – I wouldn’t say yet that I have abundance sexually, but I no longer have a scarcity mentality. Looking back of my marriage, I remember having that anxiety over where my next sexual meal was going to come from. I would accept mediocre sex because it was better than no sex and if I didn’t do it now, I didn’t know when all the “stars” of romance, emotion, passion, and connectedness (things she said she needed) would correctly align so that we could have sex again. It wasn’t so much a dead bedroom, just the uncertainty of the next when/if. It was the normal blue pill nice guy mentality.

I no longer feel that. If I initiate tonight and get rejected, I’ll initiate again the next morning or the next night… it’s just a matter of time. In fact, the rejection (if it happens, it’s usually a soft rejection) often actually builds the sexual tension in an enjoyable way. It’s almost fun?! I NEVER thought I would say it, but fishing is actually fun when you KNOW that you will reel her in eventually.

For the last several years, my wife has always insisted that she needed to feel connected before we could have sex. After a fun sexual romp this weekend, she said “That was good, but I need to spend time emotionally connecting with you later today, ok?” She still desires the emotional connectedness, but it is no longer a prerequisite for sex – it now comes with it and after it. That is the difference frame and attractiveness make.

Bonus content: 2 weeks ago she asked me what kind of sexy costumes I might like for her to wear. She actually bought one in the style I liked as well as picking something for me as well.

Physical – Lifted 3x last week. I’m bumping up against my PR’s on the main lifts and hope to break through them soon, but I’m still focused on form and not injuring myself. It is a mental challenge to know when to push out 1 more rep and when to leave 1 in the tank. I’m leaning on the side of leaving 1 in tank so my progress is slow but safe.

Social – We had a few of my wife’s old college roommates stay with us last weekend. It’s probably the wife-goggles but she is still the hottest of the group. Same for mom’s that came for my daughter’s birthday party. I got multiple opportunities to practice harem game (is that a thing?). The social proof was huge and keeps reinforcing the progress that I’m making.

Long term Goals:

Develop my mission – ongoing. I have the vision, now I’m cutting the things that don’t align.

Plan out and execute wardrobe upgrade – 50% done for this year. I’d like to finish the rest next weekend.

Develop and invest in more male friendships – in progress

Plan more physical adventures for the family – snorkeling planned for Hawaii trip

Urgent Goals:

Update will – in process. Goal to finish by mid-Dec

egc6 · 2019-11-05T18:18:01+00:00

OYS 42

Stats: Age 32. Wife 31. Married 8. 195 lbs. 6'0. BF:15%

Physical

Arms are still somewhat fucked. I've been running, doing ab work, and working front/back squats. Hit a new max of 300 before my form started suffering too much. I don't use a belt and hit parallel or below. My lower cross issues are largely gone. Back pain decreased. Upper cross is getting better too. Better flexibility.

I tripled my VitD sup and started taking a 1/4 pill of the AI after each injection (2x/wk). It has only been 2 weeks but I feel markedly better.

4 weeks on the new dose. I've hit the tipping point. I don't feel like shit or depressed anymore. Its harder to keep anger in check, which was to be expected. I feel good and motivated more often than not now. I'm still fatigued most the time. I think it has to do with sleep. I have a sleep study scheduled for December.

Relationship/Sex

Sex frequency is higher now than ever before. Its not on tap and it isn't what ever I want, but its improving every month. Shit tests and comfort tests are back and plentiful. I'm remembering to reward her with attention and comfort after sex or intimacy. I reintroduced limits on my time and attention when needed. Reforming those boundary lines.

I got a shitty comfort test the past day I'm still rolling around in the back of my mind. At least that is what I think it was.

"What would you do if I suddenly didn't have a vagina?" Anal all the time.

"No, butt stuff doesn't exist now either" I've always liked your pretty mouth.

"No, that doesn't exist either" Have all pussies disappeared on earth?

"See, you only love my vagina, not me!" I love you AND your vagina. They are BOTH very important to me.

Then I smiled and left the room. Didn't see anything good coming out of continuing that conversation. Just has me wondering if I'm not showing enough comfort.

I have the old convert contract of "any intimate act" = "leads to sex" that creeps into my subconscious from time to time. Its good to remember not to push for sex just because we kiss or she is sitting on my lap watching tv. That sort of desperation is what drove her away in the first place.

Mission

I'm wrestling with the idea of choosing to be happy. At the same time I'm still forming that mission statement and frame of mind. I've since decided how to handle the job I don't like. I'm looking to start my own business. I'm currently looking for the right spot to set it up. I'm going through the motions to get permits and the right license. I'll need to shop insurance and equipment next. Before I pull the trigger I'm going to crunch as many numbers as possible to make sure I'm not setting up to fail. I feel pretty good about it all.

Things ended in a way I didn't expect. I started going and talking with other business owners doing what I was working towards. Most people will show/tell you anything you want to know if you show interest in them. Unfortunately I found that most are barely surviving and/or putting in way more work than I find worth it. The profit margins are paper thin. I'm also egotistical enough to think I could do it better but it requires the kind of time I wouldn't be able to put into it while keeping my cash flow from my day job. Its not out of the question just yet, but I don't have the same urgency about it. I learned a lot and met some very helpful and cool people. If I can find a way to lower the fixed costs a bit more I might pull the trigger.

Beyond that I have a several year plan for my current job and life. Things are going well.

SoggyTrain · 2019-11-05T18:45:59+00:00

OYS:13 37, 5'8" 163.5 lbs, Squat 317, DL 344, BP 270

I haven't internalized shit, I have ignored good advice and am paying the price. Lots of drama this last week, had an embarrassing post in AskMRP, have a look if you want. I have failed to recognize comfort tests and fail the shit tests half the time.

I had to leave for a trip Friday, so I initiated which was meant with compliance. I tried to bust out the bed restraints that haven't been used in years and my wife flipped out. Same issues I've been dealing with. She hates me on TRT and that I try to fuck her all the time now and am doing kinky shit that she is currently not into (really she is just not into me right now). Our relationship is all about sex now, blah, blah.

So I had to have a talk upon my return, try and right the ship. I had to own up to the fact that I have been an asshole sexually lately, really just treating her like a hole to fuck and offering little comfort. I also laid out some of the changes I am doing, and my vision for our family and our relationship. I had to own up to the fact that I've let her steer the ship our entire relationship and that is not fair. She said she wanted all the same things I did and was very different after the talk. I was happy that things were back on a good course.

But...then she had some wine with her good friend who is an ER doctor. The doc who admits to knowing shit about TRT said she asked a pharmacist and I was taking way too much test and I should only be doing monthly shots. The wife was planning on saying she researched it herself and lying about talking to our doc friend but she left her phone out and I saw the exchange. My wife wants the doc to prove that she is right and I am wrong and that I need to take very little TRT. So I'm dealing with two women's bullshit now. She was so pissed I caught her in her lies, I was actually laughing during the tirade.

I reset this morning and was pleasant.

The wife wants me to concede and lower my dose. I may do that but then say if my dick doesn't work how I want I am going to take Cialis. I've been taking viagra and that is really the fucking issue. I am weaning off it and am going to see how I am without it. I just let myself go from taking it every now and then to taking it whenever I want to have sex. It has become a crutch. I am definitely not ever going to stop TRT, that is a line I won't budge on.

This is me putting all my shit out there. I thought this journey would be easier since I was starting with some good things going. I have to accept that I can't expect more without putting in the fucking work and not skipping steps.

I wrote myself a note that I see in my truck daily. It reminds me that I don't need thank you's, I don't need apologies, I don't have to DEER, and I don't need validation. I'm not even past Dread levels 1-2 if I'm not passing shit tests properly.

Other Shit:

Sex: At the time of my last OYS we had sex 3x in 5 days, then the fight. I had some the day of the future talk. I'm backing off a little in this department, still a minimum 1x per week.

Fitness: I was up to almost 165, but then woke up 3lbs lighter today. Squat and BP both increased yesterday. I'm actually starting to look bigger. Thie first 10 lbs don't really change much, the next 10 will be very noticeable.

*Likely too many she's here, but that is what is swirling in my head. I will be fine. I will keep working and improving. I'm not going anywhere.

red-sfpplus · 2019-11-05T18:47:21+00:00

Dear Diary -

Pink or Black?

That is the question. I say pink, because I am a unicorn and it brings out my skin tones very well.

Winter bulk is upon me and so is my winter coat. Coming in nice and thick. I am old, fat and likely stronger than you are. I am also bald and sexy as fuck. I also fuck more than you and the sex I get is better.

Just running a small test blast right now - nothing else. I lift fucking heavy, 4-5 days a week.

40, 5'10", 223#, 12%. Arms are up to 18.25" dry. I feel very strong. Very little aches and pains, and no injuries to report.

I have been officially divorced (signed decree) for just over three weeks.

I have the ex-wife off all my insurance finally. I have netted a $400 a month pay raise, but my monthly payment of CS is $2135. That is a wash of about $1600, but when you factor in hair, nails, Botox, clothes and everything else - plus the actual costs to raise kids - I am money ahead.

I have given myself a goal of 6 months to correct the $25K per year I now have to pay in CS in increase in hustle.

I have decided to stay in the marital home. All her shit is gone. I have a bachelor pad in the reality of a 4 bedroom house, pool which is 80% empty.

I am fucking around with CBD Oil based off recommendations from /u/RStonePT

I am doing a dropper of 1500ml an hour or so before bed. I have stopped taking Trazadone entirely, but I am still taking Ambien.

I think I might fuck up my life and ask Fitchick if she wants to move in.

Thats all.

RolloAngerManagement · 2019-11-05T10:24:54+00:00

OYS 3

OYS #1 | OYS #2

Dread: Still working on missing parts of 1-3

Weekly exercise: JuJitsu x2, Yoga x1, gym x3 (PPL, mostly with machines) - BP: 35Kg

Read: Pookx3, Poon, WISNIFG, NMMNGx2, RM, MAP, MMSLP, some of How to Win Friends and Influence People

Reading: Naked Mind and The Six Pillars of Self Esteem

Mission

Early days for this but the main bullet points so far:

- Retire at 57 with adequate funds and no debt

- Have the longest healthy and pain free life possible

- Live a satisfying and fulfilling life with authentic confidence and purpose without fear or compromise

- Lead my family and provide my children with a positive role model & responsible support

- Shamelessly enjoy the things that fulfill me and bring me satisfaction

- Enjoy meaningful and/or fun interactions with the people in my life

- Value my time and use it well

This is all well and good and better than just 'get through the day' or 'not fuck it all up' but it's lacking a real vision to work towards. I would like to write full time but I wonder how much of that is validation seeking. More work to be done on this.

Habits

Drink: 1 bottle of wine, one glass of Martini Rosso, two strong beers. I didn't drink while my wife got pissed Monday and Tuesday and only had a glass Thursday. I joined in Wednesday as it was the last chance for a 'good night' before she left for a solo holiday - lame I know. I didn't drink on either Friday or Saturday for the first time in probably five years. Sunday I had two beers. This isn't great, but this is huge progress for me and I was very conscious of how little the drink 'added' anything at the times I did, plus I nearly always end up eating crap so when I don't drink it's a double win.

I'm also simply feeling so much better having limited my intake so much this last couple of weeks, I want more of that. Expecting a big night on Saturday when the wife returns, otherwise nothing for the coming week. As well as taking steps for myself, I need to lead here and get my wife to a better place too, especially as I'm the one who encouraged so much drinking in the first place. Saving money is another plus.

Vaping: This one is the real challenge where the benefits of stopping are less obvious. Have moved from 1.6 to 1.4 strength liquid. Will drop to 1.0 when these run out and carry on in that vein.

Health & Fitness

Have taken a good look at 5x5 after much derision of my use of machines with PPL. It doesn't look like something I want to do with my lower back problems, at least not without a PT to help me with correct form (which I can't afford - see the Finances section) and even then I'm not convinced. I'm sure I'll get negative feedback here but I'm late 40s and have had years of back problems and what I'm doing now seems to be working without aggravating things too much.

Keeping up with the Physio exercises for my lower back every morning and lunchtime walks to get my body mobile during the day (desk job) . A trampoline park session with the kids at the weekend means things are sore and painful right now.

JuJitsu is going well. I managed two lessons this week which is hard work with my work and commuting schedule and with no wife around to cover the kids. My son and I both have a grading in two weeks and we're spending a fair bit of time preparing, good bonding time.

Gaining weight isn't really happening so I've start calorie tracking with MyFitnessPal again so I can monitor and up the protein intake. This is a real PITA when you are (or the wife is) making salads for lunch. Yesterday was my first day tracking and I'm 900 calories short of what I need.

Energy is an issue, with all this plus yoga on top and getting up at 5:30 evenings are a struggle to get through while staying engaged, trying to be fun, own shit around the house, flirt and game and so on. Killing the bad habits will help here as will the work changes mentioned below.

Finances

I earn a lot but six people living off one salary isn't really cutting it. Funding four holidays this year (and taking two unpaid weeks off - I don't get holiday pay) has left things in bad shape. Next year's (unexpectedly high) tax bills are going to break things. I've been cutting back the last couple of months but it's time to really cut everything non-essential now as the next four months are going to be brutal. I'm sure I'll hear complaints but I'm ready for that.

Career

This is my pain point. I've coasted for the last 3 years. Making good money and highly respected but I've not invested and now I feel on shaky ground. I'm studying to take some certifications this year to improve my knowledge and confidence. I've just renewed for another six months but didn't push for more money, all just before I found out about the big tax bills. I'm being more active now, more responsible and taking more of an interest in the work and my colleagues and simply getting better at what I do and not playing it safe.

This role takes up 12 hours of my day with commuting (16+ hours a week of just that) which impacts everything else in my life. I live in a remote area of sorts so there's no work locally. I wouldn't want to do a weekly commute (I used to) and miss time with the family 5 days a week. Working from home full time isn't great or an option right now (but I could try and get a gig like that). I've compromised and agreed two days working from home - it's not ideal but a break from the commuting and six hours of my time back is an improvement. If it has a negative impact I'll reconsider.

Relationships

Going well but I think I'm getting an easy ride in many ways. I've had the expected tests around dressing better, using aftershave, going to the gym (and why), never being around (laughable) and not getting quality time together (also laughable). Simply being very conscious here of my thoughts and emotions and adjusting and reflecting on my poor behaviours, covert contracts and the like and how to better deal with this stuff as it comes up.

Sex is regular and improving slowly, denials don't bother me and are easy to predict and usually valid. I'd love to say all the validation seeking has gone but I don't think so. On the odd occasion I do go 3-4 days without I get pissy and anxious. Again I'm being conscious and trying to understand the why behind what I'm doing. I'm itching to speed things up but there's only so many things I can focus on and change at once (and time and energy is always an issue) so it's slow and steady with being more vocal and upping the dominance. Variety and immersion need work which I'll get to and I expect this to be easier after the drinking has been reined in further.

I'm generally being more assertive and more honest with everyone and I feel better for it and more positive about how things can develop further.

Continued in comments...

Edit: Formatting

loveisconditional · 2019-11-05T13:18:28+00:00

OYS #1

STATS: Age 22, Wife 20, 0 Kids, 5'8", 205lbs, 15% Bodyfat LIFTS: Bench: 315 x 4, Squat: 315 x 4, Deadlift: 315 x 2, OHP: 135 x 8

SUMMARY: Ongoing slight problems with the wife. Still having trouble dieting perfectly and getting to single-digit bodyfat and maintaining it. Still haven't begun working on my mission as of yet. Cannot currently go back to school to improve my income, will hopefully be able to soon. Still working on my lifts. Bought some clothes online this week, some of which fit and some don't. Alright week.

FITNESS/NUTRITION: I have been going to the gym consistently enough. Took a day off the other day to spend with my girl when we were both off recently. Missed an injection day, made up for it the following day. Currently running 500mg Test, 400mg Tren, and 50mg of Anadrol on training days (which is most days). I also am on 60mg of Accutane every day to nuke my shoulder acne and bacne. I have no issue eating a surplus of calories or meeting my necessary protein for the day or prepping out my food -- but I have major difficulty cutting my calories. I would love to go on a 50 or 90 day cut and stick to it every day but I just keep repeatedly slipping up on it. I don't like my present bodyfat and I'd love to remain closer to 10% year-round. I'm sure the wife would love a leaner me, I'd love a leaner me, there's nothing not to like about it. My fat ass just needs to put down the food and not binge on everything in the pantry or to eat the junk food that's brought home sometimes by my girl -- it does me no justice -- practice better self discipline. Eat more low-calorie dense foods.

MISSION IN LIFE: I pretty much have everything I need to begin working on this every single day and to begin making daily progress towards my mission in life but I just haven't started on it yet. Honestly, there's never going to be a shortage of excuses for this. The conditions will never be perfect. The sun and the moon and your finances and free-time and lack of stress will never all align and create the perfect opportunity for you to seize your ambitions, you have to take initiative in the midst of a whirlwind of a life of absolute horror. Embrace it. Make the initiative. You may not have MUCH free-time, but you have enough free-time. You could at least devote an hour every day (but something closer to 3 would be much better and would get you there much faster). You can do this. You don't need more free-time or a workstation or whatever the hell, you have enough to begin now. The reasons I haven't started on this are nothing but excuses.

STYLE/HYGIENE: Groomed the love muscle a bit. Need to start removing all of the body-hair on my body again as I prefer that. Have some stuff I was advised to use that I still haven't made use of yet but hope to soon. Would like to remain hairless all the time. Need to get a haircut, think I'll do that on my upcoming off-day. Bought some clothes, five items in particular, the shoes I bought fit and I love them, one jacket doesn't fit but would look fantastic on me if it did (and it's a medium), one jacket hasn't been delivered yet though I'm hoping it fits, and two shirts I bought fit but I really dislike the material of them. Shoes are the only awesome purchase so far, hoping the other jacket I ordered fits great and looks great. Considering getting this other jacket tailored, but I may just chuck it if I can't end up shrinking it or tailoring isn't worth its price.

FINANCES: I really really really need to go back to college. I would like to go for computer science (mostly because I know it pays well and I'm more than confident I could do it, I don't actually have a love for computer science, but I know I could tolerate it and still make a great living). I work minimum wage and I have a fantastic ability to stay broke and never have any savings. I cannot currently go back to college given that I am in a unique situation (I'm living in a country I'm not originally from, and it takes getting a school visa to begin going to school here -- I haven't done that yet, I also am not entirely sure if I can get a large enough of a loan to cover the expenses of an international school). I owe my girl $2000 (and probably a bit more than that). I only fortunately have no (credit-related) debt and no kids, so that's the only good financial things going for me. Otherwise I'm broke, in a dead-end low-paying job, can't go back to college right now unless I abandon my girl and go to the states, and in-debt to my own woman. Pretty pathetic financially. I really need to make some changes here.

RELATIONSHIP: We seem to never have any arguments or issues with one another over anything except for sex. We rarely ever have problems, but when we do, it's sex related. I've already naturally been a high-sex drive guy, but being on steroids has made my sex-drive absolutely sky-rocket, I want to fuck all the damn time. Probably too much for the average woman, at least I'd assume. Anyhow, my girl will fuck me more often than not, but sometimes she wont and that's the whole problem of our relationship. I end up feeling unattractive (which likely is the issue or she just really isn't in the mood), she feels obligated to fuck me to retain my happiness and not put me in a sour mood, and it causes problems for the both of us. This past week I told her I'd stop initiating for a few weeks -- that only lasted all of 4 days until I started again. She's being receptive to it and I'm trying to not be so butthurt if she rejects me. We've probably fucked 4-5x in this past week. Not amazing sex, but still sex. She puts in a little effort sex-wise still. I've been having problems with my dick lately, presumably due to the steroids, either that or my bodyfat levels fluctuating so much, cutting has a tendency to kill my dick. Working on it. Might buy some viagra, may lower my aromasin dosage, whatever the problem is, I want good sex, a good fuck. A few of my last fucks have been less than stellar mostly due to dick issues, that and I have trouble with lasting a long time. Working on it...

frame_is_the_game · 2019-11-05T13:25:32+00:00

OYS #9

11/5/19

Stats:

Age: 26; 5’11” (71 in.); 170.4 lbs; 12% BF;

Lifts (demonstrated 5x5): Deadlift 325; Squat 245; Bench 190; Row 200; Press 110

Readings:

NMMNG (x2), WISNIFG, MAP, TWOTSM, 16 Commandments, SGM, HTWFAIP, Atomic Habits

In Progress: Psycho Cybernetics, Meditations

Fitness:

Accomplished my goal from last week of 4 gym days and working out while on the road.

Diet was better than expected on the road. Definitely had my fair share of tacos, but I never over ate, drank very little, and chose healthy options.

I have upped my daily caloric intake to 3,000, of which 50% is carbs. We will see if I can put on any weight over the next few weeks and then recalibrate.

Goal this week: get in at least 5 workouts, two yoga sessions, two cardio sessions and stick to the carb loaded diet.

Frame:

Goal from last week was to enjoy SoCal with the gf, and we had a blast. Ate tons of tacos, watched the sunset, took in the sun and had a nice, relaxing weekend. We also received the news that the tests came back and she is cancer free! Big relief for everyone.

Been in a weird headspace since getting back home. Not sure if I am still exhausted from the trip, if I don’t like my city and want to move to SoCal or what is going on. I have been working out, eating healthy, reading and doing all things productive, so I will keep pushing forward until I get out of this funk.

I feel like a robot at times: wake up at 5:30am, workout, cook breakfast, go to work, yoga, guitar, read, journal, stretch, bed, repeat. I know this will ultimately get me to where I want to be, and I need to learn to enjoy the journey more and not expect the end result to bring me happiness. I want to sit back and relax and think “hey I earned this” but I know that is just my laziness creeping back in.

Goal this week is to soldier on and stick to the plan.

Career/Finance:

Goal from last week was to leave behind my butt hurt view of my job, and work on cold calling and establishing myself in my company.

With all the traveling, cold calling was off the table, but my overall mood was much better. I spent a lot of quality time with my boss and he really wants me to stay with the company and succeed. I think he senses I am thinking about leaving, and he is working really hard to keep me. He had me send him an email with what title I would like to be promoted to and what salary I would like to receive during the next review period in a few months. He will go to bat trying to get me what I want in front of our executives. Dread is a wonderful thing.

Goal this week is to get back on the cold calling train and build my network while I am in such a great place to do so.

Social/Hobbies:

Goal from last week was to find a bonfire to join on the beach, and that did not happen. I am not upset though as the trip was great and we did a ton of activities.

I feel I am spreading myself too thin and not able to dedicate enough time to everything I want to do. My main three areas of focus right now are health/fitness, career and guitar. I will still work on seeing friends at least once a week, but it is not my main focus at the moment.

Goal this week is to find the right balance in my life.

Mission

Been thinking more and more about this. The two most important things to me in life are my health and my finances. I want to be shredded and I want to be rich. I want to know I worked my ass off for a body that most people only dream of. I want to have the type of money that makes people say “fuck you” when they hear what I make. I want to enjoy the internal validation I would get from achieving these high goals, and I want to enjoy the fruits of my labor for being an attractive male in the ever declining sexual marketplace. The life of the top .01%.

Flynnjacklepappy · 2019-11-05T13:29:06+00:00

OYS 12

Age 41, Height 6’1”, Weight 181, Fat 14% married 15 years, she’s 42,

Kids, 2 boys- stepson is 18 and our son is 14,

Lifts: Squat 225, Bench 185, DL 225 Keto for years, intermittent fasting during cuts

Reading:

NMMNG(x2), WISNIFG, MMSLP(x2), MAP(x2), Saving a Low Sex Marriage(x2), The Rational Male, The Way of the Superior Man, The Book of Pook(x2), How to Win Friends and Influence People, Do These Pants Make My Ass Look Fat, Bang, Day Bang, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck. In process: The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem

Physical

I only made it to the gym twice this week. I got sick close to the weekend with a stomach bug (maybe food poison) and running a fever so I didn’t do much for 4 days. There’s nothing like feeling shitty to make me appreciate being healthy. I realize I take it for granted and should do more with my time. I dropped 7 pounds and feel puny but I’ll make that up.

I’ve been off the ADD meds for several weeks now and I’m doing fine. I’m actually feeling less anxiety. If I feel like my thoughts are racing, I meditate. When I feel excess energy, I do something physical.

It’s time to cycle back on with creatine today. I’ve been off it for 2 weeks. With the extra down time from being sick and adding this back I feel some excitement about getting in the gym. I’ll be pushing it hard this week.

I haven’t been running much lately but I’ve missed it. I’ve mostly been focusing on bulking and building muscle. I’ll toss a couple short runs a week in the mix now. It’s a good way to quickly burn off some energy and a stress reducer for me.

Self Improvement

I just started reading the Six Pillars of Self Esteem and I’m looking forward to this one. I think it’s an area of improvement I’ll see the most benefit at this point.

I had an opportunity this week to learn and grow with my youngest son. He had a bad attitude about a failing grade that I addressed with him. He wasn’t being disrespectful at first, just unpleasant. This attitude went on for several days. I never allowed it to slow me down. Anytime he was disrespectful I enforced a consequence: earlier bedtime, apps deleted, electronic devices taken away. It was getting bare in his room and eventually he came around. I stayed upbeat and positive, modeling the behavior I wanted him and others in my household to display. I didn’t talk much, just broken record about his grade and attitude being unacceptable. I didn’t ask for advise or DEER with my wife, beta me in the past would have.

I’m spending some time and thought on why do I want sex. If it’s validation seeking I need to back off but still flirt and touch if that’s what I want in the moment.

Resentment has been too present in my life and I’m working on why and ways to eliminate. Covert contract play a part in this so recognizing and stopping those are my first plan of attack. Expecting certain behaviors from anyone is foolish and spending time wondering why is just a waste of my time.

I’ve been working on acting without over thinking. Most things should require some thought before action but over analyzing until I can’t make a decision or losing confidence isn’t healthy or fun.

Relationship

We went out with some friends last weekend to a bar/ dancehall. I had a great time socializing and dancing. I’m not great at dancing but grabbed my wife all night and led her to the dance floor. Despite my limited skills, we were really having fun. I got a comment from one of the other wives about how we are the couple all the wives are jealous of. I realized that I place too much energy and though on how we are doing, focusing on the things I want that aren’t happening. My relationship isn’t my job. I need to have fun at whatever I’m doing and the relationship will take care of itself or it won’t. My focus needs to be on me.

I’m reading through u/HornsOfApathy series on Depressive and Anxious Wives. It’s great material and I’m working on applying how it relates to my situation.

I’m struggling with applying dread which tells me I’m trying to overtly create it. I know this is wrong. Dread just doesn’t seem to work with my wife. Which brings me back to the problem I have of expecting behaviors from others based on my actions. I’m working on this and need to find more activities that I enjoy and do them without concern of how it will be received. My motive for this cannot be the purpose of causing dread. My covert contracts stall my progress. I see it but struggle to move past it lately. It’s weak and beginner level but I’m conscious of the negative cycle now.

opseccret · 2019-11-05T13:37:55+00:00

OYS #3

3 Weeks in my first real MAP, with two previous at various degrees of larping, neither of which I posted.

42 5'7' 192 11.6% BF (scale) Married 7, together 12, one child, almost 6 years old.

Physical

SQ 405 x 6-8 DL 455 X 5 BP 225 X 5-6, BJJ 2 hours this week. Received my 2nd stripe (white belt) which helps motivate me to focus extra on it.

Reading

No more Mr. Nice Guy - 5th time through Audiobook.

Dating Essentials for Men by Robert Glover - I figured there may be some tips on frame/game and so far it isn't bad. While I am not yet ready to write off my marriage, there are still some valuable tips for mindset there. He has referenced several of the early pickup books so far, some in name, some based on the concepts he goes over.

Frame/Game

It was a busy week and not much game to speak of. My fault, as I could have created opportunities with my wife or strangers. Strangely, I have had the feeling that my boss has been a little exta flirty with me of late, complementing me, touching my arm, etc. I am not going there, but did see take some opportunities to let my funny flirty side come out bantering with her. Keeping HR policy in mind, nothing that was over the line. It was fun, and I like that side of me; I need to keep developing it.

Between BJJ and taking my kid out on Halloween, and my family coming to visit, there wasn't any expectation of getting laid.

Tuesday evening was a bit of a shit show, with a recent government announcement of wage rollbacks, job cuts etc sending my wife into a mostly shit testing, partly comfort testing mode. She ranted about why she wouldn't have voted for them, conservative voters like me were to blame, and how they should be shot. I didn't react, other than to say that I had my costume for Halloween, a big scary conservative monster, holding my hands up like claws and roaring. Wife didn't laugh, but kid thought it was hilarious. She went on to rant about her sisters department might get shut down, and I said that would suck, but she's good and can easily find another job. She commented that was insensitive, and I shrugged and went to get changed out of my work clothes. It continued after I came back, with her ranting about striking and the hit to our finances. I didn't respond, so she asked if I was worried about how we would handle the hit to our finances. I said we would find a way, and it was still early enough to plan for it. She continued to feed her hamster by going to her union website, reading the news and her emails. I ignored it mostly, only chiming in once where she said some things that I knew were factually incorrect. Immediately wondered if that was the best move, as it had been purely reactionary.

Halloween was a good night, kid had fun, we put him to bed a little later than usual... and she went to bed 15 minutes later at 830. I was going to go out and work on my game at a coffee shop, but thought that there was no point as I was tired and wanted to go to bed by 930, so just focused on finishing reading Way of the Wolf as it had to be returned to the library. That was weak hamstering, and I can't let that become a habit.

Family came to visit this weekend and between coaching kids hockey, hosting and getting the regular things done, it was pretty busy. I don't see my Sister, BIL, Mom and Dad all that often so it didn't bother me too much that I didn't try to get laid. In retrospect I need to make it a habit, so I will try to remember to do a little more kino.

I did lose frame several times on the weekend, mostly anger. Getting ready for bed she was being critical and I snapped at her, telling her to stop acting like a bag. She got mad and instead of stfu, I told her she was being rude. She got upset and said it was like I thought she was a terrible person, and if I didnt have anything nice to say about her why was I with her? I didnt say anything and went to watch a hockey game for a bit.

I felt bad at first, but then I honestly wondered. First why I was still with her? and then if maybe I was acting like an ass and her comment was legitimate. The fact that I cant remember even what was said to precipitate some of her nagging concerns me as maybe I am an asshole and dont even realize it. I suspect not, as a little while later she came into the kitchen to put some stuff away and she was (somewhat strangely) acting normal, saying good night before she went to bed. Otherwise, had an okay weekend playing ball hockey with my kid, coaching hockey, getting some projects around the house done with my dad. No initiating this week as I never seemed to get a minute alone with her when she wasn't sleeping.

Finances

Need to improve on this, as in addition to the regular debt plan, I have to keep in mind the possibility that my wife may have to go on strike in the near future. Nothing in the next few months, but a good possibility within the next year. It is putting a damper on my plans to make a weekly night out a thing. Between babysitting and even a cheap activity it will still run near $100 and up in my area. Maybe every two to three weeks is possible, hopefully not down to once a month.

Career

Boss out of nowhere told me she was looking to get me a deal that I could work out of offices closer to home a few times per week, cutting down on the hour each way commute. Taking on some additional responsibilities and being proactive in fixing some procedural issues.

This Week

Need to keep focusing on maintaining frame, stfu, AM and A&A.
Kino and finding fun activities to involve my wife and son in.
Always Be Gaming

MightBeNiceGuy · 2019-11-05T14:35:57+00:00

OYS #7

It's been a long time since I posted here. It's about 7 months since I discovered MRP, and at least 4 months since my last post. Progress has not been as steady as I would like, but this is my fault for getting too comfortable and lazy and reverting back to some of my BP ways in times of stress.

In my last post here, we were about to buy a house. The house is great. The whole process of moving, arranging, and fixing it up took a shit ton of energy and during that time I got lazy and stopped spending the time on myself. It took me far too long to find a new gym in the area, and I lost a good amount of muscle and motivation during that lapse. I joined a new gym about a month ago and I love it. Been going 3/4 days a week when I'm in town.

I won't bore you with the details of ups and downs with my wife, but suffice it to say that I'm changing and she's still getting used to the new normal. It's uncomfortable for her. To be fair, I'm still getting used to it too. I've gotten much better at STFU and not giving a fuck. I've noticed glimpses of the sweet, respectful and submissive woman that I remember from when we first met, but for the most part her discomfort leads her to try to take control, boss me and the kids around, and overall be bitchy and not fun.

I've had more sex since starting MRP than probably the last 5 years combined. Also sex has been better and more fulfilling than before. However, I'm still getting rejected 9/10 times and sex happens pretty much on her terms, not mine. I initiate almost every day, but I'm sure I suck at it because she often finds it annoying. I get yelled at or snapped at a lot for initiating. Couple weeks ago I woke up hard and horny and moved it. Apparently she had had enough of my initiations because she sprung out of bed and screamed at me "go fuck yourself if you really want sex" and left. The other night before bed I initiated and she kinda groaned "why do guys need sex so much?" And I replied "you love it too, I know you feel better after I cum inside you". She did not appreciate at all this "disrespectful talk" as she called it and got up and went to sleep in the guest room. I suck at gaming my wife and initiating in a way that provokes her desire instead of her avoidance or annoyed response. I'm consistently bad at this.

I went to a new doctor a couple months ago and asked to get my T checked along with the routine labs. I didn't expect a problem, but was shocked to see that my total T is under 300 and free T is well below the reference range. This was about a month ago, so I immediately started taking some vitamin D, zinc, magnesium. I realized I was probably doing way too much cardio so I slowed down on that and got back into the gym. I moved my bedtime up an hour to get more sleep. I'm concerned that my low T is keeping me from achieving the masculine energy that I need for my wife to feel my presence and comfort again, and this is a big concern. I'm writing this OYS as I'm waiting at the lab for a 2nd blood test one month later. Will update with results next week.

mrpalt1 · 2019-11-05T16:23:12+00:00

OYS #7

30, W 29, married 1 year. No kids.

Fitness

200 lbs, 13% BF, Squat 275, Dead 305, Bench 205. BLS program. Continuing bulk to 205. Getting to the gym consistently 4x per week. My motivation has been lacking as I haven't been progressing as quickly or as much as I want. Taking a deload week this week after talking with another user to start fresh on my program. Started tracking calories again via myfitnesspal yesterday as well as daily weigh ins. Eating 3000 with carbs 458, pro 205, fat 60. I could probably balance out carb/fat more but I seem to retain the fat calories more than the carb calories as excess fat.

At some point I'm going to have to accept higher BF% in order to get to the lean weight I want which would be 215.

Reading

WISNIFG, NMMNG,MMSLP, Pook, TWOTSM, SGM, Atomic Habits. Started Gorilla Mindset by Mike Cernovich. Started The Power of Zero audio book...on taxes and retirement, recommended by a friend.

Some of the self help books get repetitive although they provide a refresher of concepts that I'm still putting into practice. I enjoying experimenting with different suggestions and evaluating from there.

MAP

Experience the present moment and shape a life that I genuinely enjoy. I will have strong relationships with worthwhile people, give without condition when I am able, and grow in financial stability. Health and wealth go hand in hand and are the building blocks to a life well lived.

Posting to OYS every week forces me to read my MAP back to myself and has helped keep my life in perspective. Even though things are a little slower progression wise right now I'm reminded of the foundation I have set for myself.

Relationship

Things are smooth. Wife is following along with my leadership and getting things done more regularly (grocery shopping). She is following my lead in other areas when I ask her to do something like laundry she gets it done or at least started. We have a lot of social activities over the last month and upcoming which has been fun for both of us as well.

I'm taking more initiative on dating my wife again and set up a good hike and then breakfast at a new place in a different city from ours. Hiking was awesome and the food and restaurant even better. My mentality was solely focused on what I wanted to do for a Saturday morning and it couldn't have gone better, it was nice to have her along.

Shit tests have been easily managed and STFU has continued to be my go to. Other times I simply tell her to do what she wants but I'm doing xyz, next thing you know she's on board with my original plan. I told another poster that every time I stay in my frame I feel my frame "meter" go up and every time I lose frame, I lose several points. This has a put a perspective on three things for me. 1. How much shit is really fucking trivial. 2. What is really important for me? 3. Do you want to "win the battle or win the war?" And by battle I mean stay a sensitive beta that needs mommy's validation and permission or "war" of bringing her into your frame, being stoic, having purpose and thought, the calmness that comes from DNGAF.

SEX

Couple times this week. She initiated once which was cool. Brought in more dirty talk which is feeling natural already and not that dirty just a summation of what I'm thinking or feeling at the time. Put my finger on the brown button during doggy and she left it there for a few seconds before moving my hand..different response than "what are you doing" so I guess that's progress? Don't really care if I cross the anal bridge or not to be honest, I just felt like putting my finger there.

Overall the experience has been better for both of us. Making more sexual jokes and being more playful to continue to break down barriers for both of us.

MENTALITY

All the talk of frame and mentality above only come from reflection of an interaction I had with a friend of mine over some drinks at the bar. Basically we both invest in real estate and he's further along than I am and we both have different opinions of which rental market to target. I also have another job in finance and was feeling cocky and swinging my dick around about putting some of his money in an account with me and investing that way too. Long story short it was dumb dick measuring contest that I only proved myself to be an idiot.

He isn't going to change his way of investing in real estate and frankly has more experience than I do.
I don't want his money invested with myself anyways because it comes with drama of mixing friends and business
My ego got the best of me trying to prove I'm more financially savvy than him. What the fuck for and who the fuck cares? We can both be successful in our own right and way
I lost my positive, carefree, dngaf attitude and went into douche mode for no reason. Lost my frame.

ABUNDANCE

Reflecting on this interaction I realized I completely lost the abundance mentality I have been working hard to incorporate. There are plenty of ways to invest and build wealth. Let it be. His success is possible for anyone as is mine. Do you want to have a good time or be right? I'd rather have a good time. There is nothing to gain from being "right" in this situation. Chill out.

I thought about this more at work as well. My job is a lot of sales and I've found myself getting upset when another sales person does better than me. Why? Insecure? YUP. Looking for validation of being the best? NAILED IT. Negative self talk? FOR SURE. Complacent? SOMETIMES. Lack of confidence? Confidence is there but need to OWN IT.

What if I thought abundantly? They always say every no is closer to a yes. Maybe you should believe it. Every time you talk to a client new or established is opportunity for a new sale or stronger relationship. Also that employee that did better than you, they proved it can be done and there is plenty of "fish to catch" , regardless of market conditions, cast the net.

My abundance thoughts are very much in their infancy but I'm starting to grasp the concept and look forward to experimenting.

VALIDATION

When you go to the bar or are with a friend group stop looking for the wives to check you out. It's retarded. Yes I did notice an IOI from one wife I hadn't met before. But stop going back and looking for others. Not to mention you didn't go talk to her or interact with her in any way after that. Validation dies a slow death.

dolanthesemicolon · 2019-11-05T16:27:02+00:00

OYS#4

Early 40s. Wife similar age. 2 young kids. 5"6. Weigh about 170lb (it's gone up a little with Gym work). BF: No fucking idea, how about "slightly flabby".

Currently reading

WISNIFG, MAP, Unchained man.

Physical

Current SL weights: SQ 130lb. BP 90lb. DL 125lb. SP 60LB Gym 3 times a week. Weights are still easy. Progressing nicely, looking forward to where I will be in about a month.

My immediate plan on this front is to keep it habitual. I already consider it so, but I don't want to get complacent. By end of December I expect to start hitting some walls as that's roughly when I will start getting back to (and hopefully beating) my previous PBs. For now I am mainly concentrating on form and trying to lift well as I progress through the weights.

After that, I don't know how far SLs will take me, or how long it will take me to hit the squat wall. But once I truly can't progress I intend move on to MadCow 5x5. I'm in a pretty decent gym so may look to personal training if things get hairy. My estimate is I'll need to revisit this in about 3-4 months.

Mind

Can't quite put my finger on it, but since I started reading unchained man I have started feeling a lot calmer. The book talks about a key priority being your own happiness etc, but the initial effect it's had on me is calmness. I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I don't know if it's because I've started to realise I really bought into this idea of the "prison" without even realising it, or if it's my realisation that my persistance in trying to keep everyone else happy is fruitless. I still do this, as it's a habitual thing I need to change. But whatever has done this I like it. Or maybe it's just coincidental, I dunno, but there's a journey here I'm really looking forward to.

Social / Self

So, apart from physical side of things, social/self is a big area I want to work on. My goal here is twofold.

Get out of the house and start forming a life away from home
Create a better social circle in my area.

To kick this off a couple of weeks back I starting heading to the local golf course at the weekends. This was more for me rather than finding friends, but perhaps it will have the potential to solve that problem too if I find other like minded individuals. For now I find it's a great way to just get some time by myself and reflect/introspect. It started as just going to the driving range for an hour, but last weekend the club president offered me a free round of golf (9 holes this time of year due to the weather) to entice me to join so I accepted. Wife called me about 1.5 - 2 hours in wondering where I was (I'm usually back within the hour), and got a bit pissed off when I told her. I didn't care as I was enjoying myself, for once in my life felt no inclination to justify it. Anyway, this kind of thing gives me a little over 2 hours to myself on the weekend that I do for me. I don't see myself doing the round of golf thing every week, as I have other plans afoot, but I will continue with the driving range and perhaps add the odd round of golf once or maybe twice a month.

Along with this I'm starting to formulate other ideas that will take me out of the house. There are 3 other clubs / committees that I have started looking into joining that I am interested in as well. 2 of them in particular also provide promise on the social front.

I don't see all of them as being a long term thing, but I'll find the 1 or 2 that fits best for me and will make them stick.

Relationship / Family

I'm slowly turning off the Drunk Captain and taking back the reins. About a month back we were discussing holding a Christmas party at our house, last week I realised I was waiting like a dumbass for my wife to organize it. As soon as my stupid ass brain caught up, I got my ass in gear and just took the lead and started organizing it. Now I realise this is the behaviour I have been subjecting my wife to for YEARS. The poor girl, where the fuck has this captain been. From now on I shall be leading these things. After that party I have more plans to start kicking off. Things like trips away, and other outings and general "house/home" things. Things I have defaulted to her all this time.

Other than that, the calmness has definitely filtered into family life. Things are just more pleasant. But I have realised that in order to truly fix things here there are other things about me I need to work on first. I am already seeing those areas, like calmness, and more affection/attentiveness as a result, are having a positive impact here. I'm pretty sure there are a few shit tests around the corner to attempt to derail the calmness, but for now all is good.

Work / Finances

Finances are generally fine. Started working on 2 things over the last few days, one is looking at costs/spending more scrupulously. There are a few areas of personal spending that aren't necessary, or could be restructured. So I'm looking into this. The other is company investment plans, have started to reach out to some local investment portfolio managers so hope to set up some meetings either this week or next.

Goals

1000lb club
Join a Martial Arts club
Improve golf handicap to single digits

ocean_drop · 2019-11-05T17:08:38+00:00

OYS #1

Stats: 39 yrs | 5'10" | 190lbs | ~24%BF | 1 year LTR | GF: 27 yrs | No kids

Lifts: 225 SQ (5x5), 160 Rows (5x5), 165 BP (5x3), 225 DL (5x3), 120 OHP (5x3)

Readings: NMMNG, Rational Male, Pook, MMSLP x 2, SGM, Way of Men, Iron John, TWOTSM x 2

Currently: The Way of the Conscious Warrior

Background:

I came across the redpill nearly 4 years ago while I was in a dead bedroom. I was the classic beta male in a 15 year relationship. I resonated strongly with the MRP, lurked and read everything I could. I never posted though and I'm using a new account. MRP gave me back my initial set of balls and I ended that long term relationship. That relationship was a long dark period in my life. I had zero support, was completely withdrawn into myself and she had a nasty eating disorder and depression for the majority of it. After finding MRP - I went through the angry phase, started lifting and preparing myself to end that relationship. About three years and half years ago I ended it over the phone while I was living in a different city. I paid spousal support for a few years and split all assets, costly and painful but it's still one of the better things I've done for myself.

I got into another monogamous relationship about a month after that one ended for about 9 months. I ended that one and it cracked me open. Ending it was extremely hard as I have issues placing my needs and requirements first. I started dating like crazy and came across a women who like to be caned and hurt which was pretty fun. A moved to Colombia for three months where like my typical self fell in love with a Colombian woman in my time there. She was pretty fun, wild and crazy emotionally. Spent the better part of last year spinning multiple plates until I settled down with my current girlfriend.

Why I am here:
I'm looking to join to hold myself to the fire and bring a different edge to myself and my life. I've lurked for a while but just haven't participated. I welcome any attention to blind spots that I might have or areas that I can tighten up my ship. I know I already got a few.

Personal Growth

Shortly after my long term breakup I joined a men's group that I've been a part of nearly 3 years. Since then, I've gotten in touch with my repressed anger, emotions, feelings and doing lots of personal growth. This year, I felt the calling to explore ayahuasca and had a power series of ceremonies about a month ago for my first time. I'm heading back for another round of ceremonies in a few days. I'll be unplugging for 4 days and it will give me a great time for introspection and reflection.
One area I'm struggling with is identifying my sexual needs are. I've been so denied and repressed sexually for so long that it's manifesting in a lot of dark and angry sexual interests. I've been working with a sex coach and discovered that I have some shame around my sexual desires two weeks ago. That came as a large shock to me. This resulted in me doing a sexual secret share with my men's group where I shared every secret / dark thought I had about sex with 8-10 other guys. It was pretty challenging and nerve wracking. Since then I feel like I haven't processed much of the exercise as I worked ~14 hrs a day until this past weekend. Overall, I've felt a bit lighter and a less a pull that those thoughts are needs of mine. I'll be sitting and working on this theme in my upcoming ceremonies.

Fitness:

I started out the SL5x5 about 3 years ago and have been following that on / off (usually a month or two off) until this summer when squatting 5x5 at 225 was too much stress on my system. I was getting poor sleeps, spread too thin, etc. I injured my knee while I was zorbing one time about 4 months ago. I just got my MRI results last week: I have torn cartilage under the knee cap. I haven't been able to squat which causes too much pressure in my knee.

I'll be starting a round of anti-inflammatories in about 2 weeks and then in early December I'll be returning to my physio for a proper routine to slowly try adding movement and exercise back in.

I'm currently following GZCLP and not loving it overall but liking the switch to 10 and 15 reps from doing 5 for so long. I'm planning on switching it up in the new year. I've been struggling to find a good routine without being able to squat (because of my knee).

This past week I hit the gym three times. I'm not doing any other exercise right now. I had started back into ashtanga yoga and was doing that for 2 months but I'm currently taking a month break with the idea of home practice. I haven't practiced at all.

Career

I've been working for my company in software for nearly 4 years. I joined a startup early on and have good portion of shares. The company is doing well and I'm making good money. I'm poised for more responsibility and to lead a team in the next 6 months. I work remotely from home. I'm currently in my home town as I have lots of family, friends here.

In many ways, I've been slacking at work a fair bit for the past couple years and only recently in the 6 months has my job role changed and I've been more engaged. However, the work from home is sometimes a struggle to stay focused.

Social:

I have a number of friends but no one I would call my tribe or family. A number of guys that I can share pretty openly with and are strong men. I've met most of them through my men's group. I've been a little bit less playful in the past four months due to my knee. I really enjoy being active, hiking, acro yoga, biking, dancing. Most of social outings involve drinking alcohol which both my gf and I definitely enjoy.

I've started my weekly ocean plunge again, now that it's getting colder. I organize a couple guys where we meet one morning a week, do some breathing exercises (wim hoff) and then plunge in the ocean for a few mins.

I spent the week working like crazy for a deadline and my girlfriend was sick so we spent the weekend recharging.

Relationship:

I've been with my girlfriend for about a year. She is a 27, HB 8, strong feminist and vegetarian. She is feminine and very emotional (an empath) which I embrace and love. She is a great mirror and can see through me anytime I'm faking or pretending, or not acting in alignment with how I feel - it's a blessing and curse. I recently told her I love her and I got back a 'thank you'. I consider the love that I'm sharing with her a gift. I believe she loves me and I know has not really been in love before in her life. She has trust and issues opening up. I believe I attracted this type of partner when I started this relationship as I had lots of fears around commitment and opening up. Hell, I still do but I'm constantly challenging about my fears and beliefs I built up around relationships.

I've previously struggled in this relationship on whether I wanted to be in this relationship. Mostly due to sexual incompatibility. She is sexually submissive and enjoys rough sex. But doesn't enjoy pain, humiliation, submission outside the bedroom, etc.. A previous plate was extremely kinky, a masochist brat who enjoyed a 24/7 power exchange. It was the most sexually free I've felt. I can't stop thinking about that type of D/s relationship dynamic. However, I'm much more attracted to my current partner and would prefer to move into this type of dynamic with her.

I have difficulty talking about sex, asking for what I want / need. So this has been taking longer than I would like but I've also been learning about myself during this process. I actually went to breakup with her three times because of this issue but each time she talked me out of it and I decided to stay together. I'm currently working on rebuilding trust and safety with her in the relationship because of my attempts to breakup.

JCX_Pulse · 2019-11-05T17:31:50+00:00

11/05/19 OYS #26 The Shitshow Edition 5’10 180 (-5) 12% BF (est.) Mission (Goals): - Be debt free and create courses of passive income - Single digit BF - Own household - Learn - Be fun, funny, outgoing, dominant and masculine READ: NNMG x2, Subtle Art x2, MMSLP, MAP, 31 Days to Masculinity, SGM, TRM, WISNIFG READING: The Book of Pook

OMS (Owning My Shit): I allowed myself 2 days to be sad last week. I was a wreck Monday and Tuesday. By Wednesday I was still down but forced myself to no longer mope. By Thursday I was at the gym again, and Friday had me looking forward to single life. Saturday I hung out with one of my really good buddies and we took a 6 mile hike and just talked about work, economics, and RP. It was nice to not talk about the situation I’m in and he didn’t push me to, we just hung out and the world seemed normal. I fucked up here though. I let my nice guy out and told my ex I was going to work out when I was actually going to see my buddy. I did that because I didn’t want her to have an excuse to see any of her friends or to hold it against me, but I lied to someone who I don’t answer to, and I feel fucking pathetic for doing it. I didn’t quit drinking and I emotionally ate this weekend when I did eat. A lot of fried food, a lot of whiskey, a coke, but I allowed it to happen because I just didn’t care. I barely ate at all the previous week. Out of my normal 25 meals I think I had 3. By Sunday afternoon I knew I had reached my limit and I was ready to be myself again. I also knew I was going to call in sick and start this week off on the right food with some deep introspection, me time, meal prep, and a massive house clean. During the cleaning I came to realize the lack of respect I’ve been shown in this relationship would have had me cut things off with any other person who did it to me, but I gave my ex a pass for far too long. This spun me down a history lesson reflecting on past relationships I also allowed myself to get walked over, and surprise, it was all of them. It shattered any egotistical notion I had that I have ever been RP in my life. Nope. Career Beta. In fact, I expect it will probably take another 6 months to a year to get the pill fully digested based upon where I’m at now.
Reading more won’t hurt, but putting shit into practice is really what I need to do. Being single will force me to evaluate my mission and I need to stay laser focused on what that is. I don’t want it to just be work, I need it to be more. I love my work, it’s a passion I turned into a career, but it’s not my life. I think when I can take a step back and look at what I want for myself I can invest in it and adjust. I’ve been dealing with some validation issues through this. On more than one occasion I’ve found myself looking for ways to verify that I’m attractive or desirable. I know this is problematic behaviour and recognize it as it’s happening. I haven’t given in to the thoughts, but the fact that I’m even letting those validation questions arise in my head is a bit concerning. Overall, I think I’m in a good place for now, but I know it will be an emotional rollercoaster, so I am just trying to win each day.

redPillOnHard · 2019-11-05T19:33:55+00:00

Life Goal - Kick life in the ass. Be my own judge

Overall, life is pretty fucking good. I have a lot of interesting activities. Work is rewarding and I feel like we are on the verge of big things. Family is great.

Health - Goal: 10% BF. Black Belt in BJJ. Live pain free.

Ht: 6'4" Wt: 245 BF: 14%

I've been 95% vegetarian/vegan for the past few weeks. I don't even know what the difference is, I've just been eating primarily plant based with some fish tacos about once a week. Not sure if this fits, but at the moment I like it. I'm still doing 18/6 IF every day. Still working out hard and hitting BJJ 3 days a week.

Sleep has been pretty solid the past week. Taking melatonin/cbd supplement before bed several nights a week. This has helped and have had some crazy dreams, which is unusual for me.

Finances -Goal: Year salary in relatively liquid cash and investments along with retirement accounts and option to retire by 55.

Completed refi. This will save me ~500 a month, which I will use to pay down mortgage faster.

Family was over budget in October. I have totals, but need to dig in to the details and share with wife where we went off track and let her know how we make up the overages.

Business sales are picking up a little, we need to keep the momentum through the end of the year which is typically slower for my industry.

Parenting - Goal: Raise healthy, curious, active kids. Model these qualities for them. Engage in activities with each of them that they are passionate about.

Goals:

Be calm
Model happiness

Parenting is good. Had a great Halloween. Kids are really maturing, crazy how that happens. Not much to report here, but overall parenting is solid.

Frame - Goal: To not measure myself by others opinions.

Goals:

Be an oak

Frame was pretty good this week. I started taking guitar lessons. Man it is hard. But I enjoy learning things, and this gives me something productive to do instead of scrolling on phone. My goal at this point is to just be able to play a couple rifs.

I need to be more conscious of my frame at work. I catch myself worrying about what my employees think. If I come in late, or how I interact in meetings. Its bullshit. I own the company, cut the paychecks and have been doing this for 20 years. I have good ideas and need to act on them instead of tip toe around.

Sex - Goal: Active and fun sex life. Initiate whenever I feel like it no butt hurt over rejection.

Goal:

Initiate when I feel like it be OI

Decent week. Wife initiated (in her way) once. Wife is on a girl power trip. She thinks, and voices, that all I want is sex. I AA and tell her yes. I think I do this pretty well. But she has connected some dots that she thinks I have issues and sex fills some holes for me. In reality, she is probably correct. I don't talk about these things with her and I do a decent job of shutting the fuck up. I don't really care what she thinks even if it is based in some truth. My goal is to initiate when I feel like it and be OI. These are just mouth noises from her. Her actions are more important.

Reject444 · 2019-11-05T23:26:54+00:00

5’10”, 170 lbs., ~18% BF (estimating), married 22 years, 2 kids

Physical: My current lifts are: BP 130, OHP 80, Squat 145, DL 205. I'm back in the gym 6 times per week now, 4 lifting sessions and 2 HIIT cardio. I've let myself get frustrated with my slow progress and that has lessened my motivation and commitment; I can't let that happen anymore. I've been fighting though a reasonably serious injury and an illness over the past few months, but there are no more excuses and I need to keep making progress here. My current goal is 6 sessions each week with no missed days through the end of the year (with a possible exemption on Thanksgiving and Christmas).

I saw my doctor for an overdue annual physical; everything is good overall. I had him check my T levels as well; the levels seem to have improved since last year (last year was 368 total, this year was 369 but the 2018 draw was early in the morning and this year's was late afternoon, and T levels peak in the morning and decrease during the day so it's at least likely that my reading would have been higher if taken in the morning), but still seem low. My doctor says that's a "perfectly normal" level and no cause for alarm or taking any action, even though I specifically mentioned to him my frustration about my slow gains of strength and muscle mass. I'm not really stoked on the idea of going on TRT because of its side effects and permanence, so I'm not sure whether this is an option I should explore, or how I would go about doing it if I decided to, given my own doctor's nonchalance about the whole thing.

I'm 2 weeks into a cutting protocol again; hoping to lose some of that remaining belly fat before vacation in January. My diet is one thing I really feel like I have good control and willpower over; I will stick to my current calorie and macro goals.

Mental: I've been noticing lately that I have recovered a decent portion of the assertiveness and confidence I had a long time ago in my dealings with other people. My first instinct is no longer one of inferiority and "selling myself" to get people to like me or react positively to me. I'm more naturally just "being myself" and doing/pursuing what I want, and not worrying as much about other people's opinions or reactions. It's not perfect and I still lapse into bad habits and mental spaces sometimes, but I am starting to see that confidence coming through. I'm very comfortable and assertive in my dealings with my wife, except when it comes to initiating and performing sex. I'm still far too worried and invested in how she will react and whether she is enjoying it. And I am definitely still too subtle and tentative in my initiations. This all hands her too much of the power and keeps sex in her frame. My first step is to be more honest and straightforward in initiating sex.

Social: I need more male friends, and I need to improve my ability to just strike up conversations with random people (men and women) in everyday situations. I've improved in both of these things since I started, but not enough; these need to become priorities. I need to find ways to make real improvements in both of these areas; my goal this week is to think of goals and action items I can use for these improvements.

Over the past 3 months or so, I got involved in an online mobile game where I led a group of players from all over the world in wars against other groups. It started out as a fun lark but then I became more serious and invested in it, largely because that’s what leading my group required. The validation from other players telling me what a strong leader and strategist I am became addicting, and I ended up spending much more time and money in the game than I had ever planned to. A few days ago I realized how ultimately pointless the whole game was, and that I was wasting my time, money, and energy that could (and should) be used more productively elsewhere, and I quit the game and deleted the app. I didn’t neglect any of my life responsibilities or anything, but it did, for example, prevent me from doing more self-improvement reading, and overall it was a weak episode to get as involved as I did. I regret it but I have moved in and will learn from the mistake.

Goobergus_Gubbins · 2019-11-05T23:30:41+00:00

Me: 56, Wife 50. Together since 24/19.

Medical: Was overseas for 5 weeks to receive state-of-the-art cervical spine surgery (vs the barbaric antiquated butchery they do here). By myself for the first month there, then wife came out for my final week and we flew back home together.

Gym: Had to be completely out of the gym until 2 months post-op. Backed down BP from 135 to 95, now up to 115 again (working sets). No squat, no deadlift, probably forever. Walking lunges with a 45 pound plate. 70lb dumbell rows. Alternate day is arms and core. Little cardio. Might be able to start running after I get lumbar spine repaired next year. We will see.

TRT: I'm seven months into TRT. Still dialing in my protocol. ED is improved. Libido is still in the toilet. When I'm out and about women engage with me a lot more and touch me (not sexual).

Reading/finished: NMMNG: "I want" is much more comfortable for my wife/family/friends than covert contracts. TRM: Even though my wife is arguably high qualilty, hypergamy and AWALT explains much of why my wife responds the way she does. WISNIFG: I can and should say no without explaining any further. TMMSLP: Be fun. Be attractive. Be proactive. Provide a stimulating experience. Be overtly sexual. Pook: No rewards to the shy. 16 commandments of Poon: Don't be a needy pussy. Walk around like a goddamn sexual tyrannosaurus. Youtube: Cultivate the style, habits, and boundaries of a high value man.

Reading/current: TRM Vol 3 Rules of the Game (Strauss)

Retirement: Task 1 was getting my neck fixed. Done and good, recovering nicely. Task 2 and 3 is further repairs to my spine. Again, the best tech is overseas and expensive. Should be done mid-next year. Also cleaning out the garage, fixing stuff on old european cars to sell them, don't need the maintenance liability anymore. Running the house. Cooking, paying the bills, planning vacations. Gardening, aquariums, sailboat racing and other hobbies.

Wife: My wife is not now, and never has been, a sex-denying shrieking harpie bitch like you hear about on this forum. She adds value economically and domestically, and enjoys a shag every couple days. She's going through peri-menopause, which makes cycle tracking of limited usefulness. Reading the sidebar cleared up a lot of mystery and frustration for me. I previously thought that because she was quality and had never been hostile to me, that I didn't need to bring my best game to the table. The sidebar has shown me clearly that my physique, frame, habits, attractiveness, and everything we talk about here affect her libido just like a normal woman. She has reacted positively to my Dread level 1 thru 3 actions.

Sex: Was out of control when she joined me overseas after a month apart. DTF hard and often for 2 weeks straight. Now back to normal patterns needing much improvement on my part. I'm going to post on askmrp on that topic.

ED and mental health: With TRT/Cialis/erection ring, my physiological ED situation is good. I get morning wood. With wife I can perform at 100 percent, 9 times out of 10. Big spontaneous wood when daydreaming about stuff. However, performance anxiety shrinks me right up in any real life situation that should be arousing. I'm going to see a therapist about shame and religious mindfuckery issues going back to my fucked up childhood and continuing throughout my adult life. Clearing some of that poison out of my noggin is becoming a priority.

MeanPhysics · 2019-11-06T00:45:34+00:00

OYS 7

37yo, 6’1”, 195lbs, 12%bf. Married 8 yrs, together 11. 2 kids, 5 & 3. Bench 300, OHP 170, Squat 295

Read: Rational Male, NMMNG, MMSLP, WISNFG, Book of Pook, SGM, Models, Bang, Day Bang

Swallowed the pill 9/2017 months ago, OYS since 9/2019.

Physical: Lifting has been going well, with new PRs coming on several of the accessory lifts. Generally I think I’m behind on calorie intake and need to be eating even more. For a long time, I was surprised when I’d catch my reflection unexpectedly… I was not the skinny guy I’d been expecting to see. My mental image of myself is finally starting to reflect my physical reality. Goal: Gain 0.5lbs/week up to 198-200 by EO Jan.

Family: My interactions with both my girls have improved since I implemented the no-shouting policy. I’ve realized I’m not spending enough time with my little one. I engage more with her older sister, leaving the little one to play by herself a lot. I need to make a conscious effort to build my relationship with the younger one as well. This will get easier as she gets more capable over time, but I need to start now. Goal: Spend more high-engagement time with my younger child. Continue to focus on no-shout discipline and plan fun, physically active, activities for us.

Social: Continuing to go well. I’m organizing multiple sets of outings, and quickly becoming a social leader in the set of people I see frequently. This is a big change. Still, it requires work every day. I need to fill up my social calendar for the back half of November this week. Goal : 2 events / week solo, for the rest of the year. Keep the calendar full 2 weeks out. Be the social instigator; Lead and have the plan.

Relationship: We talk about finding a mission outside of your spouse as a KEY component of making a new path for yourself. I’m not sure I spent much time thinking about it. I figured that between family, friends and career, I had plenty of other motivators in my life. Great thinking.

During this same period, MRP has been the thing that, without question, took up all of my spare cycles. I’d think about it on the drive, read all the posts in /r/askMRP, read through all the OYS posts, read the sidebar religiously. And what was my reason for doing MRP? To get more and better sex. And this was still fundamentally controlled by my wife. I changed my interactions with her, I didn’t give her what she wanted all the time, I never asked permission, I always had a plan, I lead her toward new behaviors… but she was still at the center of everything. A better version of our relationship was still my core goal. /u/man_in_the_world called me out for validation seeking, and he was right, but the even deeper problem has been my motivation for this whole project was improving my relationship. Well shit.

I realized how fundamental my error has been this week, reading /u/SBill ‘s post about, of all things, the opera. Of course it’s a rehash of the core material, but for some reason, it clicked this time. I knew I’d been LARPing, but didn’t understand how fundamental my mistakes were. In making better sex, and a better version of my wife, the main impetus for my MRP journey, I was making sure that real change would never happen. /u/man_in_the_world told me this but I just didn’t get it.

So now I need to refocus myself. It’s been too long making this relationship the priority, directly or indirectly. If it improves, great. If it doesn’t, that’ll be great too, just with a variety of younger women. Goal: My mission, unconsciously, has been improvement of my sex life and my marriage. That has to stop. Look for and crush validation seeking behavior.

Career: I’ve been saying I need to focus more here for a few weeks, and given my realization around how I’ve been prioritizing my relationship, that’s no surprise at all. I’ve had the flexibility to make my choice for where I’m spending my professional time, and I’m working on issues I care deeply about, on a personal and societal level. I need to take all the focus I’ve been putting on sex and improving my relationship, and slosh it over to the stuff I’m doing 10+ hours / day. Goal: When I catch myself thinking of relationship items, refocus my mind to what I need to do at work. Launch product by EOQ.

bluepillbandit · 2019-11-06T01:04:37+00:00

OYS #2

Stats

Age: 40- 6'3" 95kg, Waist- 35.5”

(Pappayats Olympic Lifting Program): SQ- 130kg, Clean Pull- 160kg, C&J- 75kg, Snatch- 50kg

Relationship: Wife 38- Together 20 years- Married 15 years- Kids 10 & 7

Recovering Drunk Captain/FO to Wife Captain.

Red Pill Aware for about 4 months. Started making myself accountable on Oct 8 2019. Keeping a spreadsheet that I update daily.

Read: MMSLP, NMMNG, The Rational Male, MAP, The Way of the Superior Man, Bang.

Reading: The Art of Seduction, Clear Your Shit, Book of Pook

Mission- To build the life I want and invite others around me to come along for the ride.

Fitness- Trained weights 4 days last week plus basketball. Weight is up 2kg and waist measurements are the same as last week. Feeling and looking bigger. Need to keep this train going. I estimate I need to be 100+ to even look like I lift. Don’t want to be fat though. Especially with summer around the corner. On a diet note I have been drinking 4-5 days a week. 2-3 glasses of wine/beer a night. This usually derails me from fulfilling any kind of purposeful mission on those evenings as I inevitably spend time sitting down drinking as opposed to actually accomplishing something. Alcohol is now for evenings out or special occasions only.

Finances- Still working on that budget. Am reviewing all our fixed expenses and have already cut a few hundred a month in unnecessary expenses. Now reviewing our insurances as these haven’t been looked at for some time. I have a few good months lined up work wise which will be a nice bonus and allow me to get some savings built up.

Relationship- No sex. That’s not the important part though. Not right now anyway. Goal for now is to initiate with OI. I am getting much better asking and not getting upset but still have no game. Not the point yet though. I initiated Monday night and she yelled at me for constantly asking for sex as I had initiated the last 4 or 5 nights in a row. I asked as I came to bed while she was watching TV and she yelled something along the lines of “do I really look like I’m in the mood right now” and I said “no problems babe, you do you, I’m going to sleep”. She mumbled something and then the heater came on. She started yelling that I hadn’t turned it off. Earlier she had told me while we were both sitting down to turn the heater off. I hadn’t responded to that as it wasn’t framed as a question and there was no please or thank you. She gets up, grabs her pillow and then and starts yelling about me being selfish and not hanging out the washing even though all day she had repeatedly said “I need to hang out that washing”. Emphasis on the I. She never actually asked me at all. I had other shit to do. I STFU, didn’t respond and she went to sleep on the couch.

I say the above as I have been reading The Family Alpha and listening to his podcast which I identify with a lot and there was an episode with Adam Lane Smith where they talk specifically about Married Red Pill strategies. What really hit home is that she is going to fight me more and more the closer I get to being the man I need to be and the closer she gets to trusting me again because I have let her down so many times before. This makes so much sense to me and also gives me the mental space to keep on keeping on. I am constantly reminding myself that I have fucked up for so long that it's going to take some time for me to get traction.

No porn at all last week. This is getting easier and easier. Don’t even think about it.

Mental- Working on frame and trying to be my authentic self. Frame I find easy most of the time. I am a monkey that knows how to dance. Being authentic is much harder. I’m also spending way too much time inside my own head on this and largely missing out on opportunities with both her and my kids because of it. I am going to assume that for most guys who start this process the first few months are similar and that rewiring the brain is going to take some time. I have been internalising a mindset of “build the life you want and invite her along for the ride” as the way for me to grow and move forward. I think this is the best way for me to approach things.

realestillusion · 2019-11-06T02:11:45+00:00

OYS #3

After a couple of days to just cool off. I recalled reading that unless I'm looking at divorce papers, I still have a shot at turning things around.

So after the a gym session on Saturday I texted my wife telling her I'm cooking dinner and to let me know what she can and can't eat at the moment. (this changes every week as she's doing an elimination diet)

I actually got the idea to cook for the family after reading u/2gunsgetsome post about his 12 months progress.

This probably sounds like nothing special to most of the guys here, however it was a small milestone for me.

I planned the meal, bought the ingredients ensuring everyone could eat it, cooked and cleaned.

My thinking at the time was I have no idea if we'll all be in the same room again, so I'm going to take this opportunity with both hands and do something for my family that I've never done before. There was no covert contract here nor any expectations.

My wife and daughter loved the meal. Me and my boy not so much. (Diet restrictions suck!)

This is probably very beta of me, but the night before I'd spoken to my wife and just apologised for my behaviour and tried to apply some fogging to her comments. I didn't really achieve much other than getting the message across that I'm not giving up.

It took me a good 6 - 9 months of weekly sessions with my psychologist to deal with my depression and ADHD. I mention this here to acknowledge that I'm a very SLOW learner. But I make up for it with determination and persistence.

After the kids were in bed on Saturday my wife and I had another talk.

This time I vaguely explained to her that I'm working on myself. I've come across some tools and that I'd mistakenly applied the wrong tools to a scenario and I've learned from it.

She pried for more details but I basically applied more vagueness and said I can give her a name of a book if she's interested. I have to find the book I was referring to now. I recall reading it in someone's OYS last week.

I've asked for 2 weeks to give me time to put my MAP together and share it with her. Until then we're still living under the same roof.

It was my idea to share my MAP with her but I'm not so sure I should.

I've been searching TRP and MRP for a guide / instructions on creating a MAP but I'm not winning.

Can anyone point me in the right direction for finding out more about MAPs?

Social:

I joined a meetup group and went to a bar for a trivia night. Trivia is not my thing but it was all I could find on a night I was free. I got there had a beer by myself and just felt too emotional and not ready to accept the situation I was in. So I just left and went home. I didn't approach anyone that was going to the trivia mainly because I couldn't tell who was there for a meal vs trivia…

On reflection I put far too much emphasis on going there to meet women and while that sounds great in my mind, it's certainly not what I should be focused on.

This whole situation was me not adopting a single lesson from TRP and I see that so clearly now. It was an impulse decision to RSVP and I had to force myself to go.

Instead I've been looking for a men's group to join but I can't seem to find anything that would remotely resemble RP. Does anyone have any suggestions on this?

Developing Frame:

On reading this post by u/OmLaLa I've come to the realisation that my wife has been running the household as though she is a single mother. She's basically no different to a single mother because I have been a drunk captain. Reading this post just made me realise the extent of my drunkenness.

The more time I spend here, the more I realise just how deep a hole I've dug myself.

Something that really shits me is when I make a plan. Then my wife will constantly tweak the plan and will get to the point that I can't even remember wtf we concluded with. I guess this, again, is a consequence of the above.

Goals:

Use my time wisely!

Make more decisions at home. I'm going to start keeping a tally of the number of decisions I make and compare it with the number of follow-throughs. I need to put a stop to my wife meddling with a plan I make!

Read up on effective ways to discipline my kids. I need to step up here as well.

lordofkaos616 · 2019-11-06T02:29:46+00:00

Hey guys, first time posting. I'am 23 and not exactly married but we've been together for 3 years. I started reading TRP 2 years ago and I've been doing good since then, but I've felt it was never really appealing for me since I'm in an LTR. I started reading MRP in the last couple of weeks. I've resumed my workout routine after 5 months off and been doing good at work, it's just an internship but I'm giving my best. I drink on fridays and saturdays but I drink too much and usually fuck up. I smoke weed too and I like it after a hard day of work or just to take my mind elsewhere. I know I'm pretty young but things are a bit tough in the relationship department. SHE DOESN'T SUCK ME!! I mean, I fuck her I eat her out, I've read the whole side bar, both from here and TRP, I lift, even though I didn't in the past 5 months and I don't know what else to do. We've broke up a couple of times in this last 3 years and every fucking time I would complain I was not being satisfied sexually. I've done dread in levels of having plates and just ignoring the act that I had a relationship and fucked randoms, but I would always come back because - and this will sound gay as shit- I love her. No matter how manny bitches I fuck in ONS or fucking kiss closes I get at the bars, I love her and I just don't know what to do... Appreciate the chat fuckers, keep on going!

fannyfire · 2019-11-06T03:25:14+00:00

OYS #3

“You don't get to lock yourself in a cage, and complain about being locked in a cage.”

11/5/2019

27 yrs old, 5’ 7”, 145lbs, BF% 17.25, BMI 22.7, Married 4 years, No kids

Gym/Fitness

This week was my first full week back at the gym in about a year. I’m not feeling DOMS so much anymore but damn I forgot what it was like to rip my muscle. I have been getting tons of exercise in at work. I have been getting at least 10-15 miles per week on foot. I am getting much more exercise now that I do not have a helper so I am not looking to do this for much longer. I set some new goals and am working my way up to three digits on all lifts. I’m currently lacking in OHP, BP, and BBR but it will come with time. I bought fractional plates because I know I’ll get topped out on OHP again like I did last time. My hunger is coming back and I’m eating tons of food again. I forgot how much work it was to put together shakes, extra eggs, and spare bananas to keep me full. I’m expecting to get back to 155lbs which sucks because I’m going down to the tropics this winter so I’ll be bringing a food baby with me.

Lifts

Squat: 150lbs
OH Press: 60lbs
Deadlift: 105lbs
Bench Press: 85lbs
Barbell Row: 95lbs.

Reading

I have not read anymore chapters in NMMNG so far. My goal was another three chapters, might should have scaled that down to a more manageable number. I just outright chose not to read. I got caught up in a classic anime series on netflix I used to watch.

Social

Went to a baby shower with the wife and talked with some people there. My wife was dreaded a little bit I think. There were quite a few young girls there giving me IOIs as they stayed real close to my wife and they made some looks towards me. Later my wife was jealous because she asked if I was looking at the girls butts. I STFU and deviated to a different topic. I don’t have the SMV or confidence to go balls out like some of you would. I”ll get there.

Relationship/Sex

No real change in the relationship. I have been still having my usual sex. I started to own more shit around the house because I think she may see me as her son sometimes. I already share the cooking and cleaning duties but I’m lacking in areas. Mainly the yard, so I bought some new supplies to fix it up. She claims she doesn’t notice anything and our other neighbors yards are ‘ok’ so I think it just bothers me more than her. We had a fight the other morning because I made her sleep in the other room lmao. She needed to wake up early to do something and I told her that I didn’t want to be disturbed so I made her go to the other room. She bitched me out the next day but I didn’t care. We fucked and made up.

Therapy

Therapy went really well this week. We set up a 12 week schedule to work on my depression. I didn’t realize I had it until I started doing more intensive journaling and going through some feeling exercises. I realized I am feeling like a failure lately. That I haven’t been living up to my own standards. I’m unhappy with a lot of things in my life, even though I have sex, don’t live paycheck to paycheck and have a good life from the outside looking in. I’m just unfulfilled and it’s because I live a rather average normal life. I have worked through the NMMNG activities and am going to do some nice things for myself. Things that I won’t feel guilty about since I live a very frugal lifestyle. I also think I may take that trip by myself to go camping if my friends bail on me. I think it’d be nice to get out, pitch a tent and camp all weekend with a book, fire and a few beers out in a campground.

Lost Frame

Last Wednesday night I was feeling high and mighty so I decided to suck my dick at the dinner table. We were talking about my mother who has a difficult time keeping men. My wife said that something was wrong with her, which I have been saying for many years. (She’s been single for 20 years). I told her that the reason why she is such a mess is because she doesn’t have a strong husband at home like she (my wife) does. In a ‘polite’ but forward way, she said that God gets her through life and I am just a compliment. Really made me think about the whole ‘wife’ being a dessert and the rest of life is the main course spiel. Man, that just didn’t set well with me and felt like a jab. I know, I know...kill the ego.

Last Week Goal Progress:

I did not read any of my NMMNG. Had fuckarounditis and watched too much netflix.
Haven’t been working on my exercises. Supposed to be doing my feelings, which seems useless to me. My emotions fluctuate from being really happy to feeling depressed.
Did not cry so that was a win.
I bought fractional plates last week.
I started checking in on the bank accounts more and got a feel for what we’re spending and earning. I already knew most of it but I’m watching more often now.

Goals

Read chapter 4 of NMMNG.
Continue working through therapy.
Suffer in silence and cry on my own time.
Continue watching over finances.

AlohaMaui808 · 2019-11-06T05:32:11+00:00

OYS#7 30yo 6'2" 210lbs ~18%BF, wife 33yo 5'9" 180lbs married 7 years, 2 daughters 13 & 3

Reading

NMMNG WISNIFG TRM MMSLP Pook Poon MAP-90% sidebar-80% (posts not books)

Physical

Had the deload on my 5×5 routine on OHP and SQ. The others are still going up. It's a good thing, my form on SQ needed adjustment and this is helping. Same with OHP. Diet is going well. Changing it up a little further to hopefully prompt my body to use my fat as recomp material. Still Keto full time, but on non workout days only now 24hr IF with lower calories total 1200 and higher protein macro 5/60/35 and workout days no IF, same macro, 1800 cal. My TDEE is around 2500-3000 depending if it's a workout day or not, if I'm working that day, etc. Hoping this will give a nice balance so my muscle growth can happen while still burning the fat.

Professional

Got my growth opportunity. Doing all I can to maximize it.

Financial

Doing fine, but still trying to make arrangements to cover weaknesses in event of changes or divorce.

Mental

I feel like some of the material is finally starting to sink in so that it's useful to me in the moment when I'm not prepped for situations. I still have a long way to go, my brain is making new connections constantly. I randomly have thoughts poof into my head as concepts clarify to applying in my life.

Family

3yo is like a puppy. Love abounds. 13 yo is more tricky, hot and cold. She's also started her period, yay her. She's firmly in Camp Mom.

Sexual

Was gone for work this week.

Social

Went out every night I could while gone to just chat with strangers male and female at bars etc. Went to a movie I wanted to see, because I wanted to. At the bars, got invited by older group one night to join, had fun, danced. Got invited by college kids to join their group the next night, had fun, was outgoing etc. The college group already contacted me about something happening tonight, but I'm home until next month. They said let them know when I'm back on island.

mrpmonk · 2019-11-06T13:22:35+00:00

OYS #7

Profile

29YO, HT 5'6" WT 133 BF 14%

Vision

An integrated man with a powerful, unshakeable, and rock-solid frame, who gives the world his gifts with no strings attached. The prize to be won.

Mission

To play the masculine rule through leadership, and cultivate authority with a strong, yet inviting frame, and radiate my joy to everyone around me, while enjoying everything the life has to offer.

Relationship

I'll start with this section since I was halfassing through it during my short journey in the redpill.

Now I enjoy some of the results of having a frame, but also feel it's unnatural confidence to be myself and getting what I want in an assertive manner, my budding frame is too strong for me. I tend to relapse back to my comfortable career beta status, and I have to force myself back to being A MAN.

I am a young medical graduate holding a position in a university hospital and I wanted to advance my career by going into a graduate program. to compensate for what I paid to the graduate school, I rented a bed in my apartment. In order to have company and probably some sex on the side if I got a female. And I clicked with a hot Israeli dentist.

My roommate and I started a relationship after an instant chemistry and very nice action dates, which I was leading. In this called relationship, I was a dancing monkey totally in love with her, she's 8 and I thought i'd never get one as hot, culturally and professionally matching what I want in a wife. Thus, I was treating her as a wife by being her slave, and she was acting like one by nagging and using me as her emotional tampon. In top of that, we had a dead bedroom, thanks to her religious background, so it was a typical married relationship with no marriage! I had to let go of my faggot-self and be a man the hard way, going into Monk-mode. She resisted at the beginning and was upset I do things my own way, then asked me to be the one I am and never change again. Well, I had to listen to the wife so I stopped being who I am not, the one she thinks I am, and went RAMBOO. She left home to stay with her aunt, and I adjusted my relationship status to single during that time.

In my graduate school, I was focusing on increasing my abundance. In the last two weeks, I went to Salsa class thanks to this post, and enjoyed myself very well being the man and the leader, even though it's scripted. I noticed how well-advanced students are doing terrible when they don't lead properly and penetrate their partners in the eyes. I think I'll continue with this unless I find my time better invested in a jiujitsu class.

To increase my abundance, I went to a Halloween party organized by my school. I went there dancing and approaching girls. Ended up with 3 phone numbers, one is willing to fuck. Mind you, I was nervous approaching them in the beginning, but as I got pictures with them and had their numbers, I felt like a demigod the next day.

In my school, I was told that a girl likes me, so I emailed her at night, in the booty hours, to ask her to hang the next day. She came for me after letting me know she has no classes and coming from far. I got the signal, and I went to kino her during the time we had together. I didn't follow with a date, like I usually do, I forced myself to "I'm not looking for a relationship, looking for fun" kind of mentality. Which paid off. The girl texted me lightly during the weekend, I reply with jokes. Yesterday she texted me that she's joining my group, if I don't mind, and I joked around in that too. But I showed her an act of no difference in school. I kept approaching hot girls, 8 to 9 and they were very receptive, contrary to my believe in self-worthlessness. I was approaching everyone like the horny man I am, in school and outside school, as I went to kayaking with a group, I approached the hot lifeguard, I went to the gym and approached the cute butt girl. I am happy that I didn't bury my confidence in the fame of my roommate.

My roommate on the other hand, was on the extreme of dread, once condemning my change (in a very pleasant way) and once cooking for me and doing all what I'm asking for (very submissive). Her hamster got crazy as I share with her my adventures with women and how I am enjoying life. She asks me to take her for similar adventures and suggest to fill my free time with different activities. I still love her, she did nothing to deserve being with a beta faggot, she made the right call to run away from the shitty person, which I'm still running away from. I want her, she adds joy and values to my life, but she's not perfect, nor I am.

Out of the blue, and under the circumstances of looking for new apartment, she told me she's not willing to stay with someone who's not holding to her, I told her "I can't hold on to you, we are not in a relationship". I am not willing to cave in to be a nice guy for her. She should earn the prize! I'm the great catch, just like she is. I'm terminating the lease in 2 months and that's either when she will have the last time to see me or be mine when I marry her ass. I know I'm in love, it's not infatuation. I want other girls to have fun, and I want her to get fucked. I'm not braking out my monk mode to fuck anything but my wife.

Goal: enjoy what life has to offer without sex.

60 DoD

Style:Updating wardrobe with high quality business attire.

Finances: Returned unnecessary purchases.

Social life: going out with new friends to different places and laughing my ass off.

Goals: Getting to the game part

Fitness

I hired a personal trainer to fix my lifting form. I figured that there's much to be worked at and fix, and I should start with changing the equipment to better my form.

I do 5 min daily (5/7): 80 pushups, 90 crunches, and 100 body-weight squats.

Lifting program (3/7): 8*5 Squats (100 lbs) everyday. On alternating days: BenchPress (80 lbs) with lat row (80 lbs), and OHP (80 lbs) with dumbbells deadlift (100 lbs).

Additional exercises (3/7): 8*5 On alternating days: pull ups with biceps (80 lbs), and butterfly press (80 lbs) with raised leg (100 lbs) and shoulder press (80 lbs).

Goals: buy a fucking barbell set up at home.

Diet

Bought variety of proteins: Fish, chicken and lamb meat, as well as all kind of beans. Got myself a big instant pot for easier cooking of healthy meals. Will be cooking for the whole week and freezing it up as small meals, full of veggies and meats.

Goals: Cut on the junk food I have while hanging out with friends

Career

I defined the path to get my promotion, but I'm doing terribly path to follow the right path to get shit done. I called out my mentees on their BS, that I used to tolerate. Now I have to focus on myself and move up the ladder.

As the Pook said, the only impossible dream is the dream that is not pursued. My dream is to be a surgeon scientist, and although I'm in the right position to be a surgeon and a scientist, I'm not moving forward because I'm sidetracked with mediocre goals and conveniences, instead of cutting through the BS and moving forward.

Goals: Stay clam and non-reactive to my anger realizing how much I've screwed up myself

Books

Finished The book of pook and stuck in the middle with NMMNG

Goals: Find better method and time to read for consistency

Frame

Killing the nice guy by being loud, rude and having fun in any situation. Embracing the truth and saying it at all costs. Walking out when I'm not happy and doing what I want to do at all costs.

I walked in a horror maze with a friend for the Halloween. I went in with a group, and my friend and other males, were kitten males, not men. I was laughing out loud and fucking enjoying the maze, when those bitches were screaming and reactive. I love having this shred of frame that made me less reactive.

I went into a movie in the theater, I didn't like it, I walked in to another movie, which was the a joke "the joker". It was over rated and over boring, so walked out from that too and got myself some good sleep that night.

I'm considering a religious shift in my lifestyle. I like to have higher purpose in my life that extend beyond my finite earthly life. With so much philosophy I got from the Pook, I think I'll be fine with my own philosophy in life, sex and self-improvement. Since I'm not having sex in the monk mode, I'll keep it out of life until I get a wife. Still having fun and good times.

Goals: Cut the approval seeking behavior and maintain acta non verba mindset.

Edit: Added career and books, I half-assed this post the first round

00Pi · 2019-11-06T15:19:58+00:00

OYS #26

Age: 41; married 7 years; 3 kids 4 & under; 6’2”; 173; deload week: B 135; S 175; DL 220

Relationships:

Babysitter’s due date is about a week away, and we’re both on edge.

I’ve been meeting her meltdowns directly and honestly (rather than withdrawing - which is my reflex). I was firm about setting boundaries (when she fell into suicidal ideation and when she tried to embroil me into dealing with her extended family). And I’ve been trying to focus on what I can control and what I want (rather than what I imagine other people - like Babysitter, my wife and children - might want). That last one is tough for me.

I have NOT been decisive. I need to work on that.

I corresponded with some birthparents who have been through the adoption process…and it left me with a bad feeling. I think it left Babysitter uneasy, too: her second freakout - the one after her waiver consultation - was dramatic. Even so, the adoption folks are still trying to push things forward, which is alarming. I’ve been too naive and trusting…and I’ve let myself get lulled into complacency by my oneitis/Captain-Save-a-Ho complex. I’m now paying the price, and I’m angry at myself. I should’ve contacted an attorney much, much sooner. I should have put my name on the Putative Father’s Registry earlier. I should have set up a special bank account for her and been better about keeping receipts… Knowing what I know now, I wish I could go back in time, but I can’t - so my current focus is on winning her over and learning from my mistakes.

Things with my wife have been okay. Her bubbly phase was short-lived, but we’re still on good terms. She’s been initiating (inexplicably). However, the timing’s been bad; I’ve had zero libido. I turned her down twice. The other three times were a mixed bag. I’m assuming it’s stress related - but I’ve never had this issue with stress before. I did drop in to see a doctor (since I work next door) but got tongue tied, so I ended up just getting a physical. My blood pressure’s a little low - but that’s normal for me. I don’t have the results from the lab work yet.

Kids

On Friday I had a parent-teacher conference re Kid1. It seems like Kid1 has been getting shoved around at school, and he’s begun to shove his offenders back. When he got reprimanded, he burst into tears, and his teachers wanted to discuss the incident. They also wanted to let me know that he has the habit of saying the phrase “no kidding” at inappropriate times (i.e. after another kid in the class answers a question posed by the teacher). My goal is to do a better job at engaging him in the evening, so that I can have a better sense of what he’s thinking/feeling. He doesn’t say much, so I don’t know how effective this is going to be, but I’m going to try. He’s doing well in his lessons, which is reassuring. He seems to have more skills than his teachers and I have been giving him credit for, so, my other goal is to start addressing his learned helplessness.

Everything Else:

I missed a day at the gym, which upset me. (I like the inertia that comes with discipline.) It was a good reminder that I need to focus on putting my needs first.

Diet’s fine. I technically broke the vegan challenge already (by eating some of my kids’ leftover eggs), but my general goal of varying my diet has been met.

I did uncover yet another covert contract. (When will I stop doing this shit?) My wife’s at her lowest weight ever. I realized that my decision to take on her vegan challenge was fueled in part by a hope that with more plant based meals in the house she’d eat more. Once I realized this, I confronted my wife about her weight loss. She said that she doesn’t know why she’s losing weight because she's been eating. So…that didn’t exactly reassure me, but at least I’m now aware of the covert contract.

I’ve been having trouble sleeping - but it’s not too bad.

I’ve been meeting my mission-driven goals and broke through a particularly tough challenge last Wednesday.

dwebsterlight · 2019-11-06T18:52:44+00:00

OYS #20

Stats: 6’4” 206, BF 14%, 35, no kids, together for 14 years total, married for 4. 11 months into improving.

Lifting/Health/etc.: A After doing recomp the first half of the year I switched over to a lean bulk. Starting to see weight/size gains but am keeping my BF in check. Hitting new PR’s on some lifts. Plan to start a new cycle soon with relatively higher weights for squat and DL given my recent 5 rep 1,000 lb club test (did 65 and 40 lbs above my program weights below). 5 rep working sets are: - Squat - 335 - DL - 300 - Bench - 270 - BR - 260 - Pull ups at body weight + 95

Reading: C Started reading 48 Laws and read some PUA stuff

Game/Frame: B Rightly got my ass chewed last week for being a faggot. Figured out wife wasn’t deleting texts but that isn’t the point.

Received results from the 360 evaluation I did through a leadership program at work. It indicated I need to work on coaching others versus just leading by example, showing others how their work is valuable, and on having tough conversations. I knew the first two were things I need to get better at as I have always had a strong drive for personal success (was more of an individual sport versus team sport person growing up because I performed better when I didn’t have to rely on others). The last one was a surprise to me though as a lot of my job relates to quality control in a way and I am know for being a stickler, but try to explain why something isn’t working versus just saying ‘no’.

I think this blind spot carries over to my home life. Even though I’ve had a lot of conversations with my wife about what I want in a relationship, when I don’t see improvements from her I haven’t really done anything about it. Removing attention has been my go to this year (and in prior years too) but it hasn’t really resulted in improvements in my life. I have been carrying about my MAP with the intention of going nuclear if nothing changes by the end. I realize that has been some passive AF shit. I need to just start being more direct, enforcing boundaries, and escalating more.

My wife started a talk this week and I ended up telling her my needs aren’t being met. She mentioned me being on a pedestal that she couldn’t live up to. Gave her minimal comfort and left it with letting her know she is capable of meeting my needs but needs to work to make it happen. She brought up this boundary issue we’ve been discussing recently. I just firmly stated my stance and left it at that.

Social And guy stuff: - Visit archery range twice before end of year and get gear to do bow fishing next year - Plan for draw of tags for four legged animals

so_woke_da_wookie · 2019-11-06T19:22:24+00:00

OYS 8: Coasty, Not so OI as it happens

Age: 42(m), 42(F)

Married: 14 years. 3 kids 12(m), 8(f), 5(f)

Height: 6', Weight: 183lbs, Fat: Yes, I'm fat

Diet Mode: Keto, Low Carb

SQUAT: 224lbs dropped to 214llbs,

BENCH:148lbs dropped to 144llbs,

PRESS: 99lbs up to 110lbs,

DEADLIFT: 210lbs up to 212llbs,

BARBELL ROW: 176lbs dropped now back to 176llbs

Read:

All MRP sidebar excluding RedPill Sidebar

Reading:

Mediatations and The 48 Laws

Redpill:

Since October 2017 with a significant fuckarouditis after early wins.

This Week

Lifting:

I was all over the place at the start of the week. I was experiencing anxiety. It was also PMS time and I wonder have i been so conditioned to her cycle that I enter my own Proxy PMS unconsciously. I know, who gives a fuck. But I do, because I had palpitations and shit. Seriously sometimes I wonder, WTF. I think I was always super sensitive to input. I can can read people intuitively very fast.

It's like I feel what's going on in them. Problem is, and I just figured this out, it's hard to distinguish them from my own feelings and though it's accurate, I can't tell if they are just like that in the moment or if its their character.

Now, if you think this is just magical thinking and there is an element of that. My crew of friends growing up always went with my sense. I was fool hardy anyway so if i paused everyone would stop too. So, many times, I would say this 'road not that road', let's get out of here, watch them and the shit would go down and we'd be in the clear. The guys would come back after finding out what we'd ducked. I think they listen because I was looking for trouble most of the time. I enjoyed it. I was alway pushing my luck.

Anyway, once I get a good session at the gym it rebalances me. For a time. Further, if I don''t have sex for a few days I go all over the place and panicky. Just like Chicken Licken, declaring to myself 'the sky is falling, he sky is falling'. Then after a day or so, particularly if I go to the gym or fuck, it shifts. If it's the gym I get extra proactive. If it's sex, I can get proactive or coasty.

Divorce / Mediation / Frame Attacks;

I shared about this flip to comfort seeking in my last OYS. I noticed that I started to get a little more lax. I internalised the flip to comfort seeking as a 'win' because I felt validated because my wife dialled back the cunt levels. Wow, how far from OI I am? I merely experience situational OI. But I max the fuck out of that, I can tell you.

Mini-Main Event

I asked u/Persaeus about Main Events happening in phases, mini-mains. He replied: "whether it is required or not depends as much or more on her than you". That blew me away. I could see how i was trying to control other people's behaviour and trying to predict interim behaviours and final outcomes. This amplifies the anxiety I referred to. I am so busy guessing other people plays that I'm not making enough of my own. I am not taking care of myself properly. It is an exhausting way to live. And it hinders me delivering. But predications have served me too - see above for details.

Sex:

Yeah, this is good. What I am asking myself is does having sex distract me and deplete my creative energies in other areas. I know if I go a few days without it, internally I become a basket case. I wonder if that stems more from seeking validation aspect? That being said, in one session she was super stressed and giving me the LMR. I pushed through, and started coaching her breathing deep and feeling through her. I got her going and was playing around with her. I was enjoying myself I got very animalistic. I really liked that. u/InChargeMan had decoded some womanese for me last week and I used that.

MAP

That leads me onto my MAP. u/InChargeMan broke down some of the basics on starting out on establishing my needs. u/SBIII challenged me on being a Busy Fool because I lack any real purpose too. He went on to break down how he established a baseline purpose.

First, I am grateful to both men. They threw light on the fact that if you asked me what I wanted I could tell you my desires. But I couldn't lay out my needs. u/SBIII's charge of lacking purpose got me thinking. I actually could tell you my big purposes. But not my little ones. And that's where I can generate a positive feedback loop. u/RStonePT is always banging on about guys not know what they want. It's true. For me the key piece was understanding to get that down to the ground floor. I can feel the shift here. I am also plugging that into Stoney's thesis that you should implement a plan that will see you in 12 months being the type of man who had the tools in place to pull of the mission he defines at that point.

OYSing on a weekly basis is extremely helpful. It throws up so much to work on, it's quiet amazing.

One thing that I heard that was helpful in discovering the DNA of what you want to focus on is to ask yourself this question:

"You are going to prison for 35 years. You can do any job you want in that prison for 8 hours a day? It could be writing, carpentry, counseling, art what do you pick?" For me, it assisted me in articulating what I would do in the briefest way ever.

The usual approach is to imagine you can do anything? What would it be? I can go on forever with that one.

This has been a week where I believe I may have figured out some of the mental and behavioural traps I have fallen into.

At the very least I know where a few big ones are set.

Cheers MRP

oldmanmrp · 2019-11-06T20:07:01+00:00

OYS #2

Stats: 50, wife 47. 5' 7', 190 lbs, 18% BF (InBody Scan, I'm aware this is not completely accurate) Married 20+ years, numerous kids, college and high school age.

Readings: MRP sidebar/posts since May 2019. NMMNG, WISNIFG, MMSLP. Re-reading NMMNG & MMSLP - one chapter a day and recording pertinent notes.

I often see posts asking other members what it is they want. I thought about what I want all week. I know I don't want to spend the remainder of my years on this earth in a relationship lacking intimacy and desire. I've been kidding myself these last few years because I am not happy. And yes, it's all my fault.

What do I want? I want to be desired. I want intimacy. I want loving companionship. I want to be happy.

But I understand I can never negotiate desire from my wife or any other woman for that matter. I could methodically go through the Dread Steps without any reaction from her. Also, this is probably a poor "want." Perhaps this will become less important as I go through the process and unfuck myself. But, for right now, it's there and I can't deny it.

November Focus - Dread Level 2:

Physical: Lifts: BS: 375 DL: 405 BP: 250 OHS: 185 Good week lifting but ate way too much. I've been cutting since July and I need a mental and physical break. I've dropped 20 pounds approximately 8% bodyfat. After this week I'm moving back to my maintenance calories (2680 according to my TDEE 3.0 sheet) for the rest of this year. I'll keep my lifting volume up during this time.

· I've added in daily posture exercises, 3 sets of 3 movements.

· I've also begun a better facial routine to include a specific men's face wash and moisturizer.

Week: I recorded my focus areas in One Note and review daily. I included parts of specific posts on OI and other topics. I'm working on becoming OI in all areas of my life. Whatever the situation, I'm taking a pause and mentally redefining the problem/situation to what is within my control and what is not. I'm then focusing on what I can control and shrugging off what is not in my control.

Obviously, initiating sex is a huge issue for me. After years of rejection, I always wait until I know she's receptive, even if it will be starfish. Moving forward, I will initiate when I'm in the mood. I will also work on being completely OI from her response.

Big thank you to u/AlohaMaui808 for pointing out my plan to respond with positive remarks to my wife's complaining was just DEERing. Her complaining during the week still frustrated the crap out of me but I stuck to STFU, Fogging and Advanced Fogging. I find Advanced Fogging difficult right now as I know I'll come across as condescending so I'm slowly adding this in.

For Next Week:

· Continue to STFU, Fog/Advance Fog in response to the wife's complaining.

· I don't truly initiate sex with my wife when I want sex. As within NMMNG, I wait until I feel she is available/in a good mood and the chance of rejection is low. This needs to change. I will initiate sex when I am in the mood and remain OI to her response.

· Sign up for the business coaching program.

Batman_Or_BruceWayne · 2019-11-07T00:37:00+00:00

Age: 40; married 15 years; 1 kid; 6’6”; Weight: 91kg ; SQ: 65; OH 35; DL 90; BP 45; BR 45

Health & Fitness Feeling good again after a rough few weeks

Persistent back pain and headaches this month after regular massage went a bit too hard. I need to get better at resolving these (admittedly, once a year maybe) times quicker so I can get back to 100% capacity sooner.
Lifting has been spotty this month for the above reason, plus a bit of work travel. That said, I'm now in PB territory each day for squats, deads and, as of tomorrow both overhead and row. Celebrating that achievement internally whilst keeping the eye on the prize of the current numbers I've got in my head for a short-term goal.
I've been working diligently on increasing my diet, as I suspect I'm simply not eating enough to fuel any gains.

Reading: Plane flights, so I re-read a bunch of WISNIFG. Manson is next up.

Social: Good month from a social perspective.

Boys fishing/hunting trip went off well, and I got to spend a lot of time talking to a couple of great guys that I enjoy being around. Caught, cooked and ate fish on the beach, shot rifles, explored country, talked shit.
Lots of kids birthday parties at the moment, so weekends are full with going out and talking with other adults. Good opportunity to challenge myself to speak to new people in unfamiliar surroundings.

Hobbies: Slacked off.

With the work travel and the health problems I've had to miss a bunch of martial arts classes. I'm not happy about that, but at the end of the day my health and business are more important. We have a seminar coming up in a fortnight's time. I'm trying to decide where it sits on my priority list - there's a lot of other stuff on that weekend, and I don't know if I want to dedicate the time to it.

Family: Going good.

Daughter is getting very tired as we work through the final term of the school year, so she's emotional and short-fused. Working on supporting her from a caring place whilst still enforcing boundaries around acceptable behaviour.
Interesting seeing the wife mirror her behaviour and moods - reacting to the shape of the container daughter provides.

Relationship: Broken record: generally improving, but slowly.

Wife has completed her boot camp challenge thing, and had good results - 6kg down, her dresses are fitting her a lot easier/nicer, and she seemed to enjoy it. It was hard for her though, so my job from here on out is to lead us all in healthy eating and lifestyle. We'll see if she continues to come along. Either way, I'm actually looking forward to involving myself more in the kitchen and meal prep.
Failed to lead last night in bed.
- Failure #1 - I didn't run my own race. Got too caught up in wife's dramas and insecurities (that I knew about, expected, and thus probably created)
- Failure #2 - failure to be authentic. I was upset, but I took the easy way out instead of talking with her about what I want. I was afraid it would cause tears or an argument, so I sidestepped the entire thing, but nothing was resolved and there's no reason to think it'll be different next time.
- Failure #3 - failure to communicate my wants. I know she's not sexually confident or imaginative. I'm cranky because I didn't get off and she's just lying there as if it's OK (since I just told her it was). Why should I have expected it to be any different if I can't communicate?

Work: Good month for the business this month.

Three of the major prospects that I've been working are all going ahead. After a quite few months ($$$-wise) focusing on the sales process, I'm now in a position to begin to reap the benefits of it. One project has even expanded in scope and budget significantly from the initial talks.
This has put me in a good place, both short-term cash wise, but also with new long-term relationships that I can develop deeper.
No resting on laurels - I need to work hard now to keep this momentum going.
How you make your money is more important than the money you make. I need to ensure that my business dealings are an authentic reflection of my self and my values. Contacted a customer to advise them that they accidentally paid a (rather large) invoice in error. While I'd love to keep the cash (and probably could), my reputation is worth more to me.

Current thoughts: I have been thinking more and more on:

What do I want?
Mission vision is getting clearer. Not the specifics, but more of a feeling around who I want to be and why.
Start passing comfort tests instead of seeing them as an opportunity to score a quick point.

That's it for today.

rpPhoenix · 2019-11-07T11:42:13+00:00

OYS #0

---

5'9", 181 lbs, ~20% BF

Age 28, Wife 28, Together 10yrs, Married 1y, No kids

---

Introduction

Why am I here? I am dissatisfied with the laziness I have let creep into my life and I want more. I am starting from a better place than the one many are at when they first find this community. By all accounts, my relationship is good. The bedroom is not dead. I have not hit any kind of rock bottom.

However, I feel myself becoming lazy in all areas of my life, and I want more. I want more than just a reasonably high frequency of reasonably good sex. I want raw desire and a little slut who will do any nasty thing I want just to keep me happy. I need to become the kind of man who commands that.

I have never been a supplicating beta; even before I had any idea what the red pill was I found the behavior that many husbands and boyfriends engaged in cringeworthy. But that doesn't mean I am perfect, and I definitely still engage in beta behavior at times.

---

Mission

Top 1% man, on top of all areas of my life

---

DL 1/2

Reading:

Started TRP sidebar

Physical:

I am going to start lifting tonight. I hope to ride newbie gains to build some muscle while cutting off weight but I am going to eat at 1lb/week calorie deficit and increase my lifts until I can't anymore and see where that puts me in terms of weight and body fat and then re-evaluate.

Long team goal 170-175 lbs and 10% BF. Open to reevaluation as I get close to that point and see how it looks; possibly I'll want to be bigger.

Psychological:

I will focus on controlling my mindset and not letting trivial shit piss me off etc.

Financial:

I have a good job that puts me in the top few percent of earners. I am often lazy and slack off for days at a time. While I can get away with this as I still get the required work done, I will cut this shit out starting today and become a true top performer.

Sexual:

Not planning on pushing any specific sexual boundaries until getting my shit in order but I will continue initiating and having sex as usual. I will quit porn and masturbation. I currently (formerly) watch(ed) quite a bit of porn. I don't know if this will be a permanent quitting but I will see it through until at least the end of 2020 and then reevaluate.

Plan:

Work through the "12" steps of dread from today until end 2020. I say "12" in quotes because we are really only going through 1-6 really hard, and possibly sprinkling in a little 6-8. Not needing anything from 9-12 unless somehow things take a drastic turn for the worst while we are in 1-8.

Will be posting OYS on Tuesdays.

Hobbitrabbit · 2019-11-07T15:11:51+00:00

OYS 8

Age 23, Married 3 years, 175lbs, 5' 10" no kids.

Physical: Gym 3 times last week. 145 Bench press 6 reps two sets. 35 Lbs bicep curls 10 reps 2 sets each side. 135lbs shoulder press machine 3 sets 12 reps. Trying to strengthen rotator cuffs and shoulders as I'm double jointed and have pain there often as a result. 95 Lb squats 10 reps 2 sets, still developing good form before I take that weight up but I'm about ready I think. Overall I have increased my lifts slightly since I started and I'm happy about that.

Read: Sidebar Reading: Sidebar again, Bible every morning, WISNIFG again.

Relationship: It's red sea week. No sex. Not my thing. We spend time together every night watching TV or hanging out with family. Things are kind of tense right now. Had a low sales month with my business last month as I had a bunch of marketing issues to work through. This has resulted in endless shit tests that I am not batting 1000 on. Passing some. Failing and DEERING many others. I'm probably 25/75 pass/fail rn.

Frame: Shit is weird. Been passing some shit/comfort tests. Been fucking a lot of them up. The good thing is that I'm acutely aware of all the areas I need to fix an as a result I have been identifying them and working on them as they get called into question. The bad thing is that I don't always have the answers when that happens. I have been practicing STFU. My frame clearly needs work as my silence is broken by repeated prompting to speak or mockery for silencing myself. Leaving the room has resulted in being followed and continuously prompted to speak. This gets a rise out of me. I don't know what to do when a response is demanded of me and my default is to talk and by that point I am angry. Frame. Frame. Frame. Fuck. I have to be stronger.

Weird event last night. I went to bed, we had some brief words about how I am apparently no longer communicating love and respect towards her. I suggested we talk about it in the morning because I was 3/4 the way asleep and I rolled away from her and attempted to actually fall asleep. She responded by pinching my chest until I asked her to stop, asked if I was awake now and continued what in retrospect I recognize was a shit test that I absolutely failed. She chose a moment I wasn't cognizant, aware, had already told her I wasn't doing this etc... And I caved. Damn. Huge learning for me. Anyway now I feel tremendously foolish about the whole thing. I did everything I wasn't supposed to. DEER. Get gay and dramatic. Act like a victim. General pussy ass shit. How did I not see what was happening, that things were escalating? Initially when I started doing this there was not much pushback and I got lazy. Bad strategy.

Game: again, period sex isn't my thing and PCOS makes for long periods. The tension between us hasn't helped. I'm not interested in sex right now. I am frustrated with myself. Deeply. I am stressed. I don't want to game anyone. I want to fix my problems.

Career: The good news is that I am developing a ton as a business owner right now. I deeply love what I do. The bad news is that October was a shitty month because of some issues I created earlier in the year and they came to a head so I spent most of my time doing damage control. I'm only into running my own thing about a year and I have a lot to learn. This has been a large stress on my marriage. I have repeatedly been prompted to get a day job to go with my business. I am unwilling to do this as it would prevent me from developing things the way I need to and I can (and 90% of the time do) make more money doing the production work I do than I can at someone elses business.

One bad month and there's zero faith in me anymore. Oh well, have to power through anyway. I recognize that this is because I haven't created the right frame. Can you tell what I've been learning the most about?

Spiritual: I had a moment this month when I really realized I was so so far outside the realm of what I was capable of handling that I needed, desperately, for God to show me what to do. I have been profoundly humbled. It's so good for me. I am no longer angry with him, prideful about my abilities too live without him (I don't have that ability) or ignoring him out of spite. I am growing again through this adversity and I look forward to understanding all He desires for me to learn in this. I read scripture multiple times a day. Because I want to.

OptimusRP · 2019-11-07T15:30:18+00:00

OYS #3 (3 weeks RP)

STATS

Age 41, Height 6'3", Weight 220 lbs, BF 24% (Navy)
Wife 41, Married 18 years, Together 22, Kids 12 and 9.
LP 295x5, BP 195x5, BOR 135x5, OHP 105x5
DL1, Week 3/4

READING

I am half way through NMMNG. I recognize a lot of "Nice Guy" traits in myself, but not all of them. I generally don't give a fuck what people think about me, however, I am definitely guilty of seeking validation from women and creating covert contracts between my wife and I. Noticed a lot of terms in the book that I have seen tossed around in the sub: DEER, cognitive dissonance, victim puke, and abundance.

PHYSICAL

I got my testosterone level checked for the first time ever. It was 477. The doc says this is normal for my age.

No change in weight this week. Broke down and ate some of the kid's Halloween candy. I told them they had to pay the "Dad Tax". Eh, whatever. I wanted it. Have you tried the new Oreo candy? It's amazing.

I had my second and final free personal training session at the gym yesterday. It was great. The trainer helped me with my deadlift form and I am going to add that to my lifts next week. I have Degenerate Disc Disease between L4 and L5 and I have to start light and work my way up. The trainer says if I maintain proper form I should be OK. I need to purchase a weight belt. Went for a 9 mile run outside last Sunday. Felt great. Been running 5 miles a day on the treadmill during the week while watching Netflix.

MENTAL

My thinking is very positive this week. I have embraced "putting myself first". I am taking care of my needs. I am enjoying my gym time. For the first time in years I don't feel trapped in my marriage. I feel like I am taking control of my own destiny. I feel myself moving forward toward an unknown future and I am excited. My heart and mind feel lighter.

I have been thinking a lot about "outcome independence" and "abundance". It no longer matters to me if my wife changes or not. I no longer look to her to meet my needs and make me happy. I understand that this is my responsibility. I have decided to be happy with or without her. "The stay plan is the go plan." I know there will come a point in the future when I will know if I want to stay or go. I am on a journey towards that day.

CAREER

All is well. No changes or updates.

FINANCIAL

Making progress on the credit card debt. Shit is tight, but it's working. I estimate I could have it all paid off in about 6 months. Our only other debt is the mortgage.

RELATIONSHIP

Failed a major shit/comfort test last weekend. The wife grabbed my phone and saw some texts between myself and a female friend. They were innocuous and there is nothing going on between us. Even so, she said "I'm uncomfortable with you texting this woman." I immediately got pissed and began to DEER. Then she used STFU on me. To make matters worse I lost frame and said, "OK honey, I'll only text her if it's necessary." What a pussy. Seconds after I heard myself I knew I had totally blown it. Mentioned this to one of the guys in the sub and he gave me some good advice for next time. I also went back and re-read "DARE don't DEER".

Later that day I told her I was taking her out to dinner and a movie. She wanted to know where we were going for dinner and what movie we were going to see. I wouldn't tell her because I didn't want to hear her bitch and moan over my choices. She kept asking me but I said, "It's a surprise. Enjoy the mystery of it all." After this she started guessing. I ignored her until she finally picked the right movie.

At dinner I lead the conversation and told her about some of the things I was planning to do with my time. I could tell she wasn't happy about it so I said, "It looks like you want to say something." She said, "It doesn't matter, you'll just do what you want anyway." I laughed and said, "That's true!" I enjoyed my meal, a pint, and the movie. We barely spoke for the rest of the night.

The next shit/comfort test happened a few days later. The wife said "I feel like you don't find me attractive anymore." Oh shit. Here we go. I didn't know what to say so I went with STFU. "Did you hear what I said?" she asked. "Yes" I said. More silence. "Why aren't you saying anything?" she asked. "Because I don't want to upset you." At this she became very angry.

At the time I was thinking, "Why is she even asking me this? I've already told her a bunch of times I wasn't attracted to her and I wanted her to lose weight. WTF?" But then I remembered that she's a woman, and it all made sense.

"You're a jerk!" she said. I didn't react. "You know what? I get tempted too," she said. "What does that mean?" I asked. "Well, I'm not threatening you, but I'm an attractive woman and I have options." I didn't miss a beat. "Do whatever you want," I said and walked out of the room.

Next day she was giving me the silent treatment. I couldn't have cared less. I actually look forward to this now. At 3 PM she texted and asked if I had taken our daughter to her dentist appointment. I had a reminder on my phone but I didn't remember seeing it go off. I texted back that I had forgot and would reschedule the appointment. When she got home she was pissed at me.

"What happened with the dentist appointment?" she said. I ignored her. "Did you hear me???" "Yes, I did." "Why aren't you answering me?" "I already told you in my text." I STFU and started thinking about DARE.

"Well, I'm asking you again," she said. I decided on Repeat. "My answer is the same. Please refer to my text." This only pissed her off even more, but I found myself feeling amused.

She kept asking for an explanation. I said nothing and walked away (Exit). She followed me into the den and blocked the doorway. "Did you get distracted because you were doing other things?" Jesus fucking Christ. Who fucking cares? It's a God damned dentist appointment. It's not the end of the fucking world! OK, I needed to say something again.

"It's like I said in my text, I just forgot." I approached the doorway and asked her to move. She just stood there staring at me like she wanted to take my head off. I finally just pushed through and went into the bedroom. She followed me again.

"I just want to know what happened. How did you forget"? I could not fucking believe it. What the fuck is wrong with this woman? "I've already told you twice. I'm done talking about this." She stormed off.

Later that night I said it was time to do our couple's devotional and she said "No. I'm not doing that with you." I said OK and walked away.

While I was writing this entry she started blowing up my phone with more comfort tests. I had to search the sub to find out how to handle them. It said to use a "dash of beta" to provide her with a false sense of control so I complimented her hair, tits and legs. When that didn't work I shut down the conversation with "We can discuss this at home. I am working."

KIDS

My son's behavior is improving and he is off grounding. At my request, the wife created an allowance system for the kids. I need to set aside some time to spend for each of them alone soon. My daughter asked me to take her to the book store so I think we will make a date out of it and grab some dinner as well.

GOALS

Short term: Finish reading NMMNG, purchase weight belt and introduce deadlifting to Stronglifts.
Long term: Eliminate credit card debt, purchase and train on AR-15, take guitar lessons, write a science-fiction novel.

feanorsforge · 2019-11-07T15:46:53+00:00

Fifth Post

34 y/o

6'0"

186 lbs.

Weights (lbs.)

Front Squat: 180 x 5

Deadlift: 340 x 1

Overhead Press: 130 x 3

Bench Press: 165 x 5

Review

One of the best things about having begun lifting in earnest has been its revealing to me structural and postural imbalances. Squats did this at first, mostly muscle weakness in my ad/abductors. Then the bench press. I'd suffered some nerve damage a few years ago, and I can tell there's a couple pockets of tight nerve bundles in between my scapula/spine and just below my clavicle. My shoulder's gotten impinged a few times, so I've had to de-load and begin again, especially with bench press, because it's difficult for me to retract that scapula properly. When I switched to front squats, it exposed the imbalance even more. I've been working through this, each time taking a step back after making even more progress. Since I started BJJ recently, I went way too wild at the beginning, and asked all of the higher belts to tap me out so I could experience the feeling. One of the submissions on my right shoulder must have fucked something up, because my pec minor and subscapularis were both in serious pain (and the pec was in so much pain I couldn't cough or sneeze, it hurt too much). I finally went to the doctor, who referred me to physical therapy in town, and suggested I try some dry needling to relieve the nerve pockets, which should allow me to retract my scapula more easily.

Lifting weights is the shit, and it's easy to become addicted to the whole endeavor. Press and deadlift are definitely my favorite lifts, and I've had a 135 press in mind as a goal for some time. Despite my setbacks, now that I'm so close I'm just going to move that to a long-term goal of bodyweight. My ultimate goal is a 500 lb deadlift, but I've started to slow my increases a bit, so I can already tell getting to 400 isn't going to be as linear as my progress to date.

I'm moving through the second anger phase relatively smoothly. I'm so much more secure and grounded as a person now. Horns recently lamented the guilt he feels about his past failures leading his woman, and I can totally relate. My wife is like a little mouse peeking her head out of her hole, slowly and skittishly testing whether I'm still the bitter and resentful asshole I've been. I'll never be able to change the bitterness and anger which I'd felt and expressed in the past, and that's difficult to accept. All I can do is continue my path toward self-fulfillment, and continue to invite my wife into this new reality.

Fear resulted in the impatience I felt in the past.

Security will have to be my ally as I remain patient with my wife and myself.

EasyDaysHardNights · 2019-11-10T18:43:08+00:00

OYS #2

STATS

45+ (M), +/-1 Year (F), Married 15+ years, Kids: More than 2, M&F, Older than 8 Less than 18. - OpSec

6', 175 lbs., 17.5% BF

Lifts (in lbs., DL 1x5, others 5x5): DL 230, SQ 195, ROW 125, BP 125, OHP 85

Read: NMMNG, WISNIFG, MMSLP, MAP, RM 1/2/3, 16 Commandments, BoP, TRP Sidebar, MRP Wiki, BPP: SALSM, HTWFAIP, ABWT, TG, ROTG, SGM, PFP

Reading: Undercover Sex Signals. On Deck: Mult-Orgasmic Man, Superflirt

Wife / Game / Sex:

Sex is On Demand but am not initiating a lot. Libido feels low. Am more tired in the evenings than usual. Crashing hard at bedtime. No performance problems in the moment, just an intentional push required to get the motor running.

Have decided to ratchet up to DL 6 and hold there. Shit tests are small and easily batted away. Comfort tests are much more prevalent.

Am providing daily comfort rituals of an extended hug first thing in the morning and holding hands falling asleep. Took my wife on a date night Friday. Went to a nice hotel, drank tea, watched the lights over the city and chatted about life and where we are going. Verbal intercourse.

Started implementing the 10 second kiss. Am trying it at different points in the day to see where the best bang for the buck seems to be. Have tried it first thing in the mornings when I’m horniest … but it doesn’t seem to resonate well. On the way out the door gets a better response. Best response seems to be just after coming home. Probably tied to how long and hard the hamster has been running that day.

Got a “If you want a noon-er, I’m your girl” text from the wife for the first time in a decade. Small victories.

New sex goal – Become a Multi-Orgasmic Man.

Reading through PFP made me realize I’ve had a much deeper Madonna / whore complex than originally thought. Wife has been asking for more overtly dominant behavior. I’ve hesitated to push that in the past. Wife is a “good girl” so she’s been careful to keep up the image but when I pressed about the sudden interest, she said “I didn’t think that’s what you wanted.” Woman are water and fill the container they're in ... Going to push that door open.

Identity / Emotions / Frame:

Had a “This doesn’t work for me” moment this week. Got pretty angry about it when I dug up the realization of how much of my life has been pushing other people’s missions under a massive covert contract. There’s a Zig Ziglar quote “You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help enough other people get what they want.” It’s rattled around in my head a lot. While I believe in adding value, my beta side has used this as an excuse to let others off when they don’t reciprocate. I.e. I just needed to go help more people. I should have held more people in my circle accountable than I have. I have helped someone in business who’s not come through on their commitments twice recently. Boundary setting needed.

Physical Health / Hygiene / Style:

Have been under chronic stress for 3.5 years now. Am concerned it’s impacting my T levels. Will be getting an appointment to get it tested this week. Am taking the family away to a home on a lake for some R&R and bonding time. Really looking forward to it.

Newbie Gains have slowed to a crawl. OHP is going nowhere. Have started to up my protein intake to compensate. Had my legs seize up like a Charlie horse when doing warm-up squats a few days ago. Ended up skipping the squats and just did OHP and BP that day. Not sure what that’s about.

Trying a new barber (#4) this week. Maybe this guy will have a clue. I clearly don’t have Oneitis issues when it comes to barbers.

Social Life:

Hung out at a Halloween party for a while where I dropped off my son . I had several moms flirt with me while their husbands just stared at the TV watching the game. Interesting how the ladies used the game as cover for making moves.

Environment:

Ladies at the office this week were upset about something. Recognized they weren’t wanting to confront another guy in the office about him being oblivious to his annoying behavior. I stepped in to deliver the message as I found it annoying as well, just didn’t realize it was him that caused the ruckus. The parallels with women wanting someone else to “Kill the Puppy” was readily apparent.

Finances:

Household Income is stabilizing. I have several invoices out for commissions and fees which should hold us for a couple months. Wife just landed a big client which will provide additional breathing room. Second Christmas in a row where needs will be covered and there’s extra for wants. Feeling good about that.

Had one deal fall out due to seller overvaluing their property. Am anticipating the market will level set seller expectations. May go back afterwards. Construction on main development deal continues apace. No other equity deals in hand but am on the hunt.

Debt is still a millstone. Still fighting tax assessment. Will know more today after meeting with CPA.

Ideas:

Am wrestling with low grade Trust issues. There’s a sense that I’ve been really naive about how things operate for a long time. I could be overly paranoid that others are always trying to test / push boundaries (which to a degree they are) but that feels like an emotional sink with no bottom. Ignorance is no longer possible so then it’s a concern of closing myself off emotionally. Which is just an Ego defense. So, that’s not the right answer either. Need to find a middle ground on this. Somewhere around “Trust but Verify.” I just feel a bit more like I’m running on verify, verify … which is draining. Need to integrate more Trust.

Mad_Dawg707 · 2019-11-10T22:13:58+00:00

Oys #1

Here's to own my shit and put it in writing.

Background- me34m wife 40f. Together 3 married 1. 2 kids- 3 years old and 1 year old. Currently 6' 228lbs out of shape and tired being a lazy bitch. Haven't check Bf% in a while but it can't be good. I'm not a completely fat fuck due to years of prior strength training but definitely gotten soft.

What brought me here- been fighting w the spouse over stupid bullshit and it really had me mind fucked. Losing sleep, angry, resentful and generally feeling unhappy. Previously I attributed this to having young kids in the house which is added stress but I now realize it's how I handle it that makes me feel like shit.

Anyways my goals for this week are: 1. to get my ass back in the gym. 2.Man up and dont let nagging bullshit get under my skin. 3. Study up on RP and focus on myself not be frustrated by external factors

Reading: -The Rational Male -WISNIFG

I honestly just want to be happy in life and I realize I'd probably be the same miserable cunt if I wasn't married. Anyways ill work on myself as try to change my frame. If I don't see improvement in my relationship quality in the foreseeable future, l must get the balls to go for divorce as awful as that would be. Anyways writing this on mobile blows so that's all I got.

Rivet22 · 2019-11-05T13:01:04+00:00

54, 5’10”, 195 lb, married 19 yrs. , 3 daughters, one in college, 2 in high school.

No mission, but “huge gaping midlife crisis hole” in my life. So, yeah, I need this. Before I got married, I worked out, a volunteer fireman, private pilot, MBA etc. married to the most negative soul-sucking critic alive. Made six figures, provided house, cars, preschools, etc etc, but it was never good enough. She was SAHM, spent all the (my) money, now we at rock bottom.

Was an IT business analyst, laid off, let go, canned too many times, career in the shitter. no job for 2 years, confidence at -10.

Started flipping houses and real estate investing. Lost money on the first one. Made money on the second one. Making very little $. November will be starting “wholesaling”, buying cheap dumps in foreclosure, and selling to rehabbers.

Trying to red pill, no idea how to start. Shitty attitude, just massively depressed. No sex in 3 years.

Reading: nothing

This week goals: Finding house deals out of foreclosure (without feeling like a bottom sucking eel, and instead helping broke people out of a hopeless jam. ). Find a gym to sign up at. I need to get out of the house. Free weights in the basement gathering dust.

Need tips on starting RP.

Title	Own Your Shit Weekly - November 05, 2019
Author	AutoModerator
Upvotes	21
Comments	515
Date	November 5, 2019 8:24 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/drwc5r/own_your_shit_weekly_november_05_2019/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/own-your-shit-weekly-november-05-2019.294083 https://theredarchive.com/post/294083

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