Daily Community Chat Megathread

AutoModerator · 2022-03-12T06:00:10+00:00

This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, etc... in...

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[–]GuitarsBackPeacefully red, Germany 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

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[–]Sad_Top1743Misogyny is not a joke Jim 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

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[–]SmurfESmurfersonStacy’s Post-Wall Mom 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

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[–]trail225 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

We including OLD and women I approached who ignored me. Hundreds. Online tinder swipes then thousands.

And its not just rejection its how hard you work on yourself socially, physically and professionally and see no progress.

Spending many years working out and having an actice socialk life while having a good job and still getting ignored by women you approach, meet through friends of friends, online dating, through mutual interests, or even speed dating can be pretty soul crushing.

Then you gotta ask yourself who you have to be to get someone or try to lower your standards.l Either way you try that enough and you end up deciding you would rather like yourself then become a manipulative asshole for doing emotionally manipulative red pill stuff or feel liek a liar because your flirting and askign out women you dont have any interst in looking at/touching much less go on a date with.

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One thing that may clarify this is my perspective is based on thinking about hours of labor. In a marriage the man and woman each commit 168 hours/week to the family. Under what I will call the "model" structure both husband and wife spend 40hrs/week on compensated activities to obtain capital. Without kids both work at the same time and all labor needs can be met. Once children enter the picture the children need to be attended during working hours.

One "egalitarian" solution is that both parents reduce employed hours to 20hrs/week and take on 20hrs/week of child care. In essence this is paying for child care at your own employment rate.

If child care labor can be purchased at a rate lower than a parents own pay rate, then there's an opportunity to arbitrage to maximize family income.

So for example if the husband has a higher salary, it makes sense for him to buy his wife's time at her lower rate. Particularly if her quality of service surpasses that of other providers. So they would exchange the 20hrs and provide 40hrs/week compensated labor and she would provide 40hrs/week child care labor.

It can also be that it's most economical to arbitrage both parents 20hrs/week of child care labor.

The point is though that to me both parents have 20hrs/week money-making labor and 20hrs/week child care labor that need to be accounted for.

And yeah if the quality of service is cheaper or higher quality elsewhere that's a problem if the wife is trying to sell her 20hrs/week labor to the husband. The husband is free to provide his 20hrs/week childcare as he sees fit. If her 20hrs/week are not sufficient quality he can provide them himself or hire someone else. And ditto for the mother.

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[–]Barely-moral2 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Being wanted vs/and being needed. Wondering if there is enough interest to make a post about it.

I can't understand what is the good thing about someone that does not need anyone. I understand that it may (and I have my doubts about that) be good for them but how does that make them a good partner?

Independent people that build relationships based on wanting only seem to be unstable. Also, being independent and needing no one in my experience are always just temporary situations. Eventually people end up needing something from someone or someone for something.

When those independent people face situations in which they need others or they find out that they are not really independent or can no longer be independent they freak out and mess up everything.

People that are used to depend on others have practice on the situations that I find to be more common in life. They don't see the normal state of the world as an attack on their identity.

[–][deleted]3 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

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[–]Barely-moral2 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

I've only ever been dependent on my mother, and she understood when she choose to put me into the world that there were no "take-backsies".

It can be the same for other relationships ñ.

Romantic relationships are different. When you start dating, it is more likely than not that there will be a take-back. Didn't work, broke up.

Doesn't have to be the case.

However, after you keep being with someone for months and then years, it becomes harder and harder to take it back. At what point did you commit to having someone depend on you?

First day of the relationship.

What if it was never really what you wanted, but it happened?

Does not compute. I already knew what I wanted before entering into the relationship. If i change in what I want, I keep my word.

It's not like a child that it was clearly your decision to create a dependent.

But it was my decision.

[–][deleted]1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

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[–]Barely-moral1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

If you can leave, you don't need them.

I do. I am taking a suicidal risk by leaving.

Notice how you are the source of instability in this situation. You only want them if they need you

I need stability in a LTR. I can't have stability under those circumstances.

That doesn't make an independent spouse a flaky partner. It makes you a flaky partner.

I am not a flaky partner. Miss moral knows from day one every reason/circumstance that would end the relationship. She knows how to avoid that result.

That example I gave of someone being able to leave doesn't have to end up with someone leaving. I've lived with my husband for 10 years and I was never unable to leave

Good for you. It is not what I need from a partner.

In the scenario I gave you you could stay and see if you have fostered enough of a want in her so she chooses to stay. But you would rather leave than be proven wrong.

I would leave because that was one condition under which the relationship would have ended. I don't start a relationship without making that clear.

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