Stop chasing and pick the women who choose you [recovered]

dheidjdedidbe · 2022-07-23T22:54:30+00:00

I would agree with you, but I have a question. What if women don’t ever choose you?

dump_fool · 2022-07-23T20:21:24+00:00

Many guys think that game is everything when in fact "game" is your ability to notice girls that like you and your ability to escalate on them, it should in fact be called "social/sexual awareness".

It’s the women who ultimately do the choosing. Just pick the ones who choose you.

YES! I'm sure you can find a girl that you like among those that like you already, the is no need to pander women with your cold approaches, or waste your time and money thinking you can create attraction with stupid techniques.

P7o7s7t7a7l · 2022-07-23T21:09:10+00:00

Women pick... totally agree.

I also reaffirm that men are the gas pedal and women are the brakes.

Off2damoon · 2022-07-24T10:17:20+00:00

I have learned, the hard way, that women are fickle creatures who are constantly changing their minds. Both in the positive and negative direction. Just as a woman who was once throwing herself at you may wake up one day and decide to ghost you, a woman who is showing not much more than indifference towards you can be switched to light up like a Christmas tree by your presence.

I've heard it said somewhere that every man starts around 0 when they first meet a woman. With each passing moment you are increasing or decreasing your attraction level in her mind. You may start higher than 0 with your looks / height / pre-established status / etc. but the scale is always moving in one direction during your interaction.

I have slept with and had LTRs with women who were quite literally ready to marry me who began our interactation aloof, seemingly uninterested and even somewhat bitchy. Through the passage of time with positive moments, demonstrating high value, proper flirting, and building sexual chemistry, 0s have turned into 10s.

So yes I agree that there will be some women who just aren't into you regardless of your game but I assure you that there are many many women who you just aren't into you.. Yet. Until you change their mind.

Haunting_Papaya_9575 · 2022-07-23T22:32:34+00:00

Believe me i learned the hard way by trying to pick up women that had zero interest in me and that ruined all my chances on women that actualy liked me bit now dont want to date because i hit on their friends instead.

SDdude81 · 2022-07-24T00:01:07+00:00

Waiting for the woman to make the first move is a great way to stay single.

Yes, women who like you make it easier. But you have to do something to make her interested. Just existing is not enough if you are not really good looking. And by all means, if a woman does express interest, go for her if she's within your minimum standards.

The most important thing is to know when to give up.

modidlee · 2022-07-24T01:44:13+00:00

The number one thing you see women say makes a man attractive is his confidence. The way to develop that confidence is to only deal with the women that choose you. It makes you more attractive to those women AND to all other women.

FlyCharming3355 · 2022-07-24T06:47:02+00:00

I don't think the women I want will choose me. And I won't choose the women I'm not attracted to. So it's pretty much over....

maxpossimpible · 2022-07-24T04:53:18+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Amikatey · 2022-07-24T07:40:56+00:00

[permanently deleted]

tsun_tsun_tsudio · 2022-07-23T21:02:53+00:00

Agree .. I totally agree 100 no,1000% .

EdwinTheScholar · 2022-07-24T03:11:30+00:00

THIS NIGGA IS SPEAKING FAX! you honestly need a Grammy for this one, it's music to my ears! Brothers save yourself the time man, focus on the bread, upgrade your lifestyle and you will get an abundance of women. One thing is for sure : WOMEN COME AND GO BUT THAT MONEY IS FOREVER 😈

distawest · 2022-07-24T07:29:29+00:00

Seems somehow pathetic to me ... why not try women who do not give you iois? You may miss important opportunities there. Lots of women do not offer clear signs, its just their personality.

To be sure, I am not in favor of pursuing rejections and hitting your head on the wall. If you judge a situation to be hopeless, you better leave without trying to escalate

One way or another, you' ll end up with women who like you, irrespective of having given you clear signs of interest from the outset or not

coachmelloweyes · 2022-07-24T09:19:43+00:00

A huge thing is this… imagine you ‘game’ you way into getting this girl.

She’s always going to have her eye on the man she truly desires. Her actual type. The day he makes himself available, is the day you’ll hear “It’s not you it’s me”

Frequent_View_4572 · 2022-07-24T10:18:16+00:00

Same goes for women too, ever since I have accepted that somebody will never accept me no matter how much effort I put into makeup etc nothing will change when you are not his type You might be the best strawberry shake in the world but if the other person loves chocolate flavor, you got no chance

Death_Portal · 2022-07-23T20:25:03+00:00

this is a good strategy to fuck mediocre girls for the rest of your life

if you ever want to put your dick in a genuine stunner you're going to want to make the first move instead of waiting for choosing signals

Chicagoj1563 · 2022-07-25T15:41:14+00:00

I get the overall point of this, but there is a fundamental flaw in the logic of most posts like this.

The game is played mostly with "maybe" girls, and sometimes with "yes" girls. There are also "no" girls, and you won't be attracting these girls no matter what. No pickup guru is telling you that you can get "no" girls to become attracted.

Where the flaw comes in is guys misunderstand the difference between "maybe" girls and "no" girls. Maybe girls are not going to be that receptive off the open. Sometimes they can even be harsh at first since that is a way to get rid of most guys who hit on them.

If you are only looking for positive signals before you even approach, your going to be looking for a long time. Or if your game sucks, you will be presenting a flawed version of yourself.

The reason game exists is because most guys are not putting their best foot forward. Most of us weren't raised or practiced in how to talk to women in a seduction context. Add to this, women do play games, so guys found ways to deal wit it.

No one is saying "no" girls are going to be chasing you. No guru says that, no pickup artist says this. Game is mostly for "maybe" and "yes" girls, so guys aren't acting like people pleasing nice guys when they come across women they could connect with. we have to learn game (social skills), to put our most attractive selves forward. Thats it.

So, its true to say some girls won't be attracted. But, there is no argument with that. Pickup artists aren't trying to sell this. Its the girls that are neutral or not attracted right away where the game is played. Guys have to convey attractive qualities of their personality and most will have to practice and develop these social skills.

If you are only looking for positive signals when you approach, then you are playing the game with "yes" girls. And thats a small pool for most guys.

DarkSun18 · 2022-07-24T06:07:23+00:00

Also, if you think that women never choose you, reevaluate your standards cause they might be too high. I know some guys are waiting for the perfect girl who'll be a 8/10 or higher and they might miss out on less attractive women who actually are interested. Not saying to have no standards, a level of attraction is necessary.

hookedonfonicsmunky · 2022-07-24T00:41:24+00:00

Idk i figure if she agrees to pee on me it's ON from there on out

GarrettKing612 · 2022-07-24T09:10:53+00:00

So true and I needed to be reminded this. I thought about it the other day actually. Women choose who they like or want to be with. Our chances of dating or getting the girl are strongly likely if it’s the girl doing the choosing. Think back to the women you have had success with in your dating life. Guarantee most were because the girl was interested in you

Ginger_Bee · 2022-07-24T18:26:57+00:00

There’s a man I’d like for you speak with about this. He has a Tinder Platinum membership, yet complains he can’t get a date with a woman, because all they want is a free meal out of him. Yet, here I am, beautiful, funny, sexy, and can hold a conversation with him about anything, AND willing to pay for a meal every time we go out…immediately friend zoned.

Men are so dense.

RideTheRim · 2022-07-24T19:18:58+00:00

As someone who has plenty of women chasing him...I can tell you 99% of them are women I don't want to choose--that's why they're chasing.

sMarvOnReddit · 2022-07-24T08:51:54+00:00

how is this appropriate discussion in r/SEDUCTION ???

Rapha_qf · 2022-07-24T09:13:50+00:00

i wish that was true. I've seen so many of my ugly mfinkg friends leaving the party with nice girls while i kept just watching petrified how could they do that...

my personal experience is that game (a good one) is 90% of the seduction.

however, i reckon if you start to pick the women who shows interest in you that could improve your self esteem lately improving your game

maxpossimpible · 2022-07-24T10:00:41+00:00

OP's logic:

Charm does not exist. You can't be charming. It's impossible. It's all about how good you look.

Abhi005 · 2022-07-24T14:38:32+00:00

Yes, that's what I learnt the hard way. I chased a girl to like me and I got only rejections. And depressions. This happened twice. I had many beautiful girls who were showing interest in me during this period. I neglected all of them . What a fool I was. I should have picked a girl who was also interested in me.

CougarMancer · 2022-07-24T17:15:00+00:00

This post is incredibly insightful.

imivani · 2022-08-13T21:36:18+00:00

Shit advice. That's just huffing copium.

AlbertoPer11 · 2022-07-23T23:53:27+00:00

If a girls likes u you need no game, u have game by default if she likes you so women define who has game or not

cormacru999 · 2022-07-24T01:18:28+00:00

I wish a researcher would hang out in this subreddit & do a study on where men get their ideas about women even though they don't talk to women, follow women, are friends with women, & they argue with each other about why that is. I mean mostly y'all pick a team & then debate who's got the best plan, all while rehashing outdated male ideas about women. Or, like here, something happened & that suddenly "informed" the OP about how the world works. Y'all are always very certain that there's a right method to winning affection from women.

I was a virgin until I was about 16/17, & a young woman my age & I had mutual friends, we kind of clicked & I knew she was into me when she did what you talked about here, which I called breaking the touch barrier. And yes, if a woman starts touching you, she's probably into you. But what is your advice here exactly? Don't flirt, don't try to talk up a woman, just wait for them to choose you because women do the choosing & that's like some biological rule?

Some women are forward & they will let you know what they want. That doesn't therefore mean all women are that way. Some women want to be courted & won over & you'd best have a plan for that. Some believe they would never date a man who told them what to do but one day, this one guy saunters up to her & says, "You & me, let's go for a ride," & she does.

As I say every day here, stop debating with men what to do with women, start paying attention to the women, the more you know about women's experiences, the better informed you are about what they might want.

I often quote conversations I see here elsewhere & women all talk about how crazy this is.

ImAGhostOooooooo · 2022-07-24T03:38:29+00:00

The problem I have with people who use all these different pickup strategies is that they get upset when things don't work in the long term. These pickup strategies only help men initially attract women and that's it. They don't teach you how to maintain a relationship, they don't teach you how to be good at communication, and they don't teach you how to care about other people. They just teach you how to attract women and that's it. There's a lot more that goes into having a relationship then just having good pickup game.

If all you're looking for is sex then that's great and these will probably work well for you, but some guys are actually looking for relationships and then they wonder why they can't maintain relationships when they have no social skills besides trying to be a pickup artist. You have to get to know the person and actually learn to care about that person as a person in order for things to be successful. All of this takes actual effort and will not just magically work out well with good intentions. You have to actually work on it with the other person and put in effort

MyUsername0_0 · 2022-07-24T06:24:11+00:00

This is dumb as fuck. You're a man go out there and choose.

earsurgery9 · 2022-07-24T08:07:44+00:00

100%

The industry has moved on from the silly marketing claims of the old days (mysterymethod 'get any girl you want' stuff etc) and most people , even lots of 'coaches' realise that game really is about being good at 'closing the deal' and not magically forcing sexual attraction in a girl and making her want you! That's NOT possible with however you define 'game' (pushpulls, confident body language, humour blabla. That's all good stuff, but it's not gonna make a girl drop her panties if you isn't physically attracted lol)

seddit is one of the last places where a few poor souls still desperately want to believe (and push the agenda) that age and looks etc don't matter to girls, and you can get any girl you want, if only you 'learn game, bro' lol. It honestly makes me laugh. Armchair theorists

Good post. I think this thread, or a variation of it honestly needs to be posted every week or so on here as a favour to the community and noobies in particular who risk being fooled by ridiculous marketing

Amikatey · 2022-07-24T06:57:01+00:00

This is the most flawed advice I have read in ages. You can't rely on women for your dating life, that is simping of the highest order. Women are the weak one's they will never have the balls to approach you if you base your dating life on wether girls approach you or wait till one shows super interest am sorry you will may be single forever I have approached alot of girls who seemed like they would be the most meanest to anyguy that would approach but you can't just tell how receptive to my approach they were, you will be deceiving yourself to think you have to the be most handsome guy to get the girls you desire. You can't base your attractiveness on looks and body physic if your lacking in persona, it's insanely repulsive and look around you alot of guys who are not the most successful are nailing it too. I wount write all day but if you can take responsibility of your life and know their is alot in game that can change your life you would stop just reading any thread on reddit of people confidently spreading their vague opinion. Sorry if this sounds rude.

SaffronTrippy · 2022-07-24T00:02:47+00:00

LMAO cope you think girls approach guys

If I only approached girls who gave me “choosing signals” I would have gotten laid 0 times

The men ALWAYS approach, stop being delusional

Kooky-Land167 · 2022-07-23T23:35:10+00:00

"pick the women who choose you" she is fat

morechris · 2022-07-24T02:40:04+00:00

I’m not going to go for a man that doesn’t pursue me

robertlf · 2022-07-24T05:19:33+00:00

What a vapid thread.

willgo-waggins · 2022-07-24T00:45:36+00:00

Lmao.

I had my friend with me last night. He’s a good looking guy who is almost half my age at 27. He gets women easily just like I do and we make a good team - something I rarely do actually.

So we are standing next to the dance floor of a popular spot and he starts up with this great looking brunette who’s an easy 9+, stacked and friendly. I stay back a bit and watch just smiling. His back is to me.

I immediately notice that she is not only looking past him at me while smiling even more, she is also giving me the up and down (my friend is about six one I am six three). He quickly gets frustrated seeing that she is obviously ignoring him while standing there and turns to me and says that he is heading back to the band on the other side of the venue. He walks away and I stay for a moment where she immediately comes up to me and starts talking and touching my arm and shoulder. I chat briefly then say gotta go and point after my friend. She has a look of mild surprise on her face as her smile falters a little and I go.

Fast forward about fifteen minutes and I had just finished chatting up a girl at the bar who was mildly interested at first (friend was taking a break outside) but I managed to work that up until her friends come and grab her away (man I hate that shit it’s really obnoxious). So I go to the dance floor and go out a bit dancing to the band.

Suddenly I feel a hand on my back and it slides around me and with it comes a gorgeous smiling face and big tits pushed up against my chest of the brunette. She leans in and kisses me softly and it turns into deeper and a few minutes. Then she takes me by the hand and says “come on” and proceeds to go to the front of the dance floor right under the band on stage. We dance the rest of the night. I get her to out her name and number in my phone. She texts this morning and all day. We have already made plans to get together and also share her girlfriend together.

Dan that interest and don’t waste time if it isn’t there fellas.

millscuzimhot · 2022-07-24T01:03:53+00:00

you’re completely right

guys would rather get rejected 100 times due to asking out super attractive girls rather than pursue someone they have a higher probability of getting

it also doesn’t help that in guys friend groups, the one with the hottest girlfriend gets the most respect

MuscleHead2022 · 2022-07-24T04:16:45+00:00

Why do I attract the fat girls though :(

MeWuzBornIn1990 · 2022-07-24T00:28:54+00:00

I agree, OP. Game simply allows one to put themselves out there, and with above average game, this allows for more candidates to chose from.

getyahfuckingyeeted · 2022-07-24T00:35:20+00:00

Translation: you don't get to pick anyone.

pixieasf · 2022-07-24T02:33:16+00:00

this exactly

aidsjohnson · 2022-07-24T02:42:21+00:00

None of em ever choose me

jayjonas1996 · 2022-07-24T03:24:02+00:00

You make them choose you and that’s called Game not chasing.

funky_cole_catalina · 2022-07-24T04:05:24+00:00

1000 comment here

Tes_Stickle · 2022-07-24T05:35:09+00:00

🫡

Ur_X · 2022-07-24T06:09:04+00:00

This is good advice for people that are already trying to improve themselves and in the field. It a lot of us also need to improve communication skills, no girl is gonna choose if you can’t make them feel comfortable around you

incognito3107 · 2022-07-24T06:45:07+00:00

Yeah, but I believe a sexual relationship with decently hot and friendly girl is enough for most men. Imo it is not worth it to hard struggle to get the girl completely out of your world.

realobiterdicta · 2022-07-24T07:14:35+00:00

What if the women who always choose you are always women that you feel no attraction to?

sidbunch6 · 2022-07-24T08:42:02+00:00

One thing i've noticed from infields is that even the professionals only actually hook up with the girls who are very receptive to the approach. It's always the same pattern. Every infield shot over the last 15 years basically. You see if all the time. When a girl he opens is cold and unreceptive (doesn't look like she's interested/attracted), at best he can stretch the interaction a few mins with cold reads and teases etc, but it always still ends in a rejection.

If game really was some magic trick where you can convince a girl to like you in a sexual way instead of 'on sight', then there would be so many infields where guys go up to girls who are like 'sorry, i'm not interested' and take them on a date or straight home etc because of his confident body language and cold reads etc.

I'm afraid it's basically fantasty

Game is about being good at turning EXISTING sexual attraction (out of your control) into sex

Local-Flounder-9918 · 2022-07-24T08:58:37+00:00

To any woman who would choose me ! Say it!

Lit-Up · 2022-07-24T10:05:42+00:00

What if I'm not attracted to the women who choose me?

the_root_of_all_evol · 2022-07-24T10:16:27+00:00

YES!!! Women do the choosing, it’s seen everywhere in nature.

SocietyIsFake · 2022-07-24T14:31:55+00:00

The problem is, i really cannot understand who is into me or who is not. It seems like i am invisible to girls they don’t show interest at all.

ikeepon · 2022-07-24T14:40:41+00:00

This.

beveragegod · 2022-07-24T14:48:47+00:00

i thought this was common sense

Snk26 · 2022-07-24T14:52:01+00:00

6'2 good looking 28 year old man here. Its been a long ass time since a woman has "chose" me or "made it easy"

LoftyLife420 · 2022-07-24T16:19:42+00:00

I wish it was the simple for me. 99% of the women who like me are unattractive

CoNoelC · 2022-07-24T16:53:36+00:00

There was a comedian who had a joke about “I heard Mexican girls like white dudes so I went to Mexico. Turns out they only like good looking white dudes”.

ChaseYourDreams · 2022-07-24T20:50:06+00:00

This is what I did and now here I am 4 years later with a 3 year old 🤷. I wish this advice was more said. For me it took a lot of pressure of doing the chasing

hagakurejunkie · 2022-07-24T21:21:49+00:00

Simple and straightforward, I dig it

Beneficial_Nobody786 · 2022-07-24T23:03:03+00:00

What are subtle choosing signals? All i know is eye contacting and smiling but that’s really obvious.

JackDaniel215 · 2022-07-24T23:55:37+00:00

Social skills aren't part of self improvement?

No offense but I feel like this mentality is for people who don't have that much experience with girls and game

It's fun going out with friends to a club or something and flirting with multiple girls, unless you're socially anxious or have something else you need to work on

Also pro tip: girls are rarely gonna ask you out, even if they're really interested, it's biology and going after them shows confidence

Neo-Rio · 2022-07-25T00:07:52+00:00

While this is mostly true, good game can get a woman who is only feeling mild comfort with you and push her over the edge into wanting you. Don't dismiss it.

Decent game will short-circuit most of the limiting factors that a lot of guys have to getting laid (money, looks, status). After all, when a woman falls in love, it is a mental process. Love mostly happens when the other person is not around. It is 100% mental.

All game does is hijack those feelings by recreating them and then redirecting them. This is how older guys get laid with younger women who probably have no business hanging out with older men.

puma085 · 2022-07-25T06:53:09+00:00

I am not fan of chosing signals because they are too vague. I also cannot say that I had good experience with them.

In fact relying on chosing signals lead to my first rejection I ever got. It was many many years ago when I was 15. I was sitting next to certain girl at school. She threated my different than other girls I have met until that point. She acted quite playful and was touching me a lot at random points on my body. I though that's it and asked her out and got rejected. It turned out that she just say me as a good friend. These signals are just to vague.

Another so called chosing signals is smilling but that signal is also too vague to rely on.

If a girl smiles at you at a weird situation it is rather unlikely that it is meant as a chosing signal.

Let me give an example for that. It happend few years ago at guest house in Tokyo. When I come to my guesthouse from japanese class a hot white girl of unknown nationality was smilling at me when I randomly saw her coming out of the bathroom. It was weird situation because something like that would not happen in Austria that often if at all. A woman smiling at a unknown guy in that situation.

Maybe she came from a country where females are supposed to me more friendly.

Maybe that's my main problem with chosing signals. Due the cold and unfriendly behavior women here have towards strangers it hard to watch at unknown women to piss them off.

But that's not just the female population. It is the general mentality of my country.

We even have ben voted as the second unfriendly country in world for expats.

As a local I tend to agree on this study.

distawest · 2022-07-25T07:30:36+00:00

No my friend, it is not painful once you get used to it.

Ancient philosopher Diogenes from Athens used to stop in front of marble statues and ask them for charity. Citizens were curious and inquired him, "Diogenes, why you do this, since the statues can neither hear you, nor respond?" His answer was invariably: "In order to get accustomed to rejection!"

Do the same my friend to your marble statues and you ll become invincible!

18cmOfGreatness · 2022-07-30T04:19:39+00:00

If you feel that you are throwing yourself and women then you just don't have real game. The real game isn't about chasing women, it's about being a man who provokes women to chase you by being challenging and having IDGAF attitude. You can approach women without chasing them. And yes, a really good game does create attraction even in women who have zero interest in your initially. And no, women aren't "ultimate choosers", no one stops you from being choosy and have your standards. Just because a girl is hot doesn't mean that you should choose her before she proves herself. Just because you approach a woman doesn't mean that you've chosen her. Simply put, you don't really understand the game.

Appropriate_Low_1988 · 2022-08-13T10:59:31+00:00

I’ve always said that women do the choosing but if that’s true, then seduction doesn’t really exist for men ipso facto.

domdomdom333 · 2022-08-15T11:10:52+00:00

What if no one chooses you? Do I also wait when I'm 60 till someone touches my shoulder?

0t0her0 · 2022-08-17T15:42:24+00:00

[permanently deleted]

jlund14 · 2022-08-18T16:32:35+00:00

its sad this loser shit gets likes.

Op you’ve tried to reframe it in the comments, but your original post is essentially you saying you’re tired of being a man. You’re tired of being the bold, aggressive, initiator that swallows his fear and goes after what he wants. You got lucky at a party once and now you think you’ll be able to glide through life just “letting got girls chose you”. Good luck w that one man lmao.

Anxious-Potato-3054 · 2022-08-19T18:08:05+00:00

A girl took me home and I never let go

Title	Stop chasing and pick the women who choose you [recovered]
Author	0t0her0 [recovered]
Upvotes	977
Comments	385
Date	July 23, 2022 8:10 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/w6cyc8/stop_chasing_and_pick_the_women_who_choose_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/stop-chasing-and-pick-the-women-who-choose-you.1253738 https://theredarchive.com/post/1253738

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