Does paying women for sex automatically make me a “misogynist”?

Excellent_Badger123 · 2023-08-13T06:27:00+00:00

It doesn’t make men misogynistic. I know men who pay for sex who don’t hate women. I’ve known women who are sex workers. It’s just transactional.

mfm059 · 2023-08-13T03:07:54+00:00

No. Makes you a customer

wtknight · 2023-08-13T03:06:44+00:00

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Narrow-Currency-8408 · 2023-08-13T07:58:07+00:00

No. It's so much better than using women for sex by telling them you love them

AstronautLoveShack · 2023-08-13T03:11:34+00:00

It wouldn’t automatically make you one but it wouldn’t rule you out either.

AngeCruelle · 2023-08-13T03:10:05+00:00

Definitely not vibing with my personal moral framework, but also not misogynistic as far as my understanding of the word extends.

Are you sure you aren't making other comments that might be setting of your friends' misogyny radar?

kalashhhhhhhh · 2023-08-13T08:25:02+00:00

1) You gave up at 18? You count dating failures when you were 13?

2) I'm honestly in favor of legal, regulated prostitution, but I don't see sex work as work like any other. I'm aware of differences in perspective, and I don't automatically assume you're a misogynist.

But I just can't wrap my head around having sex with someone who doesn't mutually desire you. I believe sex is 50% receiving pleasure and 50% giving pleasure to your sexual partner.

This is why I believe men who visited a prostitute are more likely to view sex as something being done to a woman and not with her. Which is a big reason why I wouldn't date a man who paid for sex, especially on a regular basis.

A thing that could make you a misogynist is your attitude towards prostitutes. Do you respect them? Do you consider yourself above them in any way? Would you date one? How do you view yourself by comparison?

Extra_Community_3315 · 2023-08-13T12:58:30+00:00

Lol who cares about being misogynistic? you should be more concerned about being a gross pervert who’s giving money to human traffickers.

wtknight · 2023-08-13T04:00:08+00:00

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AnyIntroduction3288 · 2023-08-13T16:14:44+00:00

No. But just as many men don’t want only fans models, non virgin women, or sex worker women, many women don’t want a man who sleeps with prostitutes.

You’re 25. You’re very young even though you don’t feel like it. You spent 12 years trying to date, but that means that you would have started at 13. Call me old-fashioned, but 13 year olds have no business doing anything outside of maybe some kissing.

You say you started paying for s 6-7 years ago which would have made you 18 or 19. That’s an extremely young age to give up on conventional dating. Most people are just starting out with dating at age 18-19 and are figuring out what they want and who they are and don’t have a lot of dating/ s experience.

L6ken · 2023-08-13T22:46:29+00:00

Your concern with how your perceived but not that your apart of sex trafficking essentially… brother you just might need some therapy because it is truly never that serious

sweetbrown89 · 2023-08-13T05:23:40+00:00

I wouldn’t automatically say it’s misogyny, but it is a level of objectification

Prostitution often exists because women have no other financial options to cover their expenses — primarily in women who are not even living above their means…it’s inherently exploitation, regardless of consent

The fact that people who are close to you claim that you are misogynistic…leads me to believe you’re withholding context and probably negative opinions about women that you simply haven’t expressed in this post

potoricco · 2023-08-13T13:01:05+00:00

Yeah

TSquaredRecovers · 2023-08-13T18:41:24+00:00

I’m a feminist, and I don’t think it‘s misogynistic to hire sex workers. It would be problematic if you were knowingly engaging with underaged girls or women who have been trafficked, but otherwise, I have no issue with it.

dumbbitchcas · 2023-08-14T14:26:10+00:00

I don’t know if it makes you a misogynist but in my opinion it makes you weird

Unhappy-Yak-8648 · 2023-08-13T04:40:40+00:00

No it doesn't. But some people would consider it morally wrong but others will be indifferent to it. Personally I don't consider it a moral wrong. Some people will argue that it actually is. Most men can't get sex organically so they have no other choice to have their needs met.

fleurs_du_mal__ · 2023-08-13T03:12:55+00:00

No

It’s safer, emotionally speaking. The emotional investment is very tiring. So long as it is consensual and the woman isn’t doing it out of desperation, then I don’t see how it is misogynistic.

My issue with the sex work industry is it targets women who are vulnerable and gets them addicted to drugs in order to continue selling their bodies. It’s different if a woman is participating in it consensually and not out of desperation.

Theunknownreap · 2023-08-13T09:44:17+00:00

Yes. You are literally using a woman for her body. Report her and get her some help.

SnowBorn6339 · 2023-08-13T16:35:25+00:00

Yes. Next question.

SianOiseau · 2023-08-13T03:11:09+00:00

I don't think it makes you a misoginyst. It does make you a person who doesn't mind paying to get a rather questionable form of consent, but the view on sex work differs person to person.

lighthub · 2023-08-13T03:43:51+00:00

Such is the World and Time we live in where people can rationalise whatever with word salad.

You can’t make prostitution ethical, no matter how much you all try. Yes it is a misogynist act and practice.

houstongradengineer · 2023-08-13T03:23:55+00:00

Just based on your post I'm seeing red flags even without knowing that your loved ones have voiced concern.

"Rejection bothered" you. Yeah, that's life, I'm sure you've gotten rejected from jobs and apartments and educational programs and special events and awards. But you still participate fully in the real world trying to pursue happiness. Why is it different with women?

Furthermore, it's what's NOT in your post. You're only 25, you've had sex the personally intimate way before, but you never considered taking a break from touching real physical women sexually in your post. Why is that?

Misogyny is quite likely to answer these questions, and 'consensual' paid escorts are pretty rare and pricey. There are reasons to be skeptical.

TimelsBaby · 2023-08-13T03:36:03+00:00

Hmmmmm it’s a thin line. You’re exploiting vulnerable women

wtknight · 2023-08-13T03:12:55+00:00

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Extreme-Nuance · 2023-08-13T04:49:01+00:00

No. Sex is good. People selling sex are welcome to do so, and you've stated that you are only interested in adults. As long as you're 100% sure that the sex worker is an adult and is consenting, as you say, then I don't see the issue for either sex.

That would be the case regardless of who is buying and who is selling, so it's not an issue of misogyny unless you only want to pay for sex because you want control over women (which doesn't seem to be the case). If anything, it might be a human welfare issue, but I would rather respect people's right to choose how they work, and then respect what they say rather than what I think might be best for them.

Safinated · 2023-08-13T04:52:48+00:00

No, unless you know you’re buying slaves

S_Stoicov · 2023-08-13T04:33:55+00:00

if your family members are calling you a misogynist there’s probably more information about you that you are willing to share here. I’m going with the information you are giving; it seems like emotional connection is a burden for you. I’m sorry to tell you but being able to connect is essential not only for romantic relationships but also for family and friends. That is why your social circle is limited and you probably don’t have a comprehensive worldview beyond your own perspectives in life.

The prostitute here is not the problem, its the easy way out for your inabilities. It will only keep you in a narrow state of mind and chances are it is only going to exacerbate your frustrations on the long run.

May I suggest you to try to make friends by yourself outside the confines of your immediate circle. Try to get to know people from different walks of life and try to comprehend why they are the way they are without judgment. Travel, experience things you never experienced before, make yourself interesting by being truly interested in others.

YouSmileAtMeLikeThat · 2023-08-13T04:51:49+00:00

TheMedsPeds · 2023-08-13T06:27:43+00:00

The fact that you are 25 and gave up 6-7 years ago sounds my alarm more than you paying for sex does. That’s like starting a mile long race and giving up after you take 10 steps.

iliyb · 2023-08-13T04:02:38+00:00

It makes you absolutely repulsive to most women.

baiser_vole · 2023-08-13T04:32:20+00:00

I don't think so. It is the same as women paying to use surrogates as long as the women involved are choosing to make money like that.

resurrect_john_brown · 2023-08-14T15:01:36+00:00

Interesting question. I'm not sure that it makes you a misogynist, in that you don't seem to actively hate women. However, I don't believe that it's possible for a man who utilizes sex workers to truly recognize women as "real" human beings, since they believe they have the right to more or less treat them as temporary sexual slaves. If money weren't involved as a means of coercion, the sex would be non-consensual in virtually every case. I personally find it extremely disturbing that men can even bring themselves to fuck women that they absolutely know do not have any interest in or attraction to them - that alone speaks to a great degree of dehumanization.

DarkVashThe_ST · 2023-08-13T04:23:31+00:00

I will do the same thing as you honestly.

Pay for sex, empty my balls and move onto the next one.

I don't see any misoginy in this behavior.

"Misogny: hatred of women"

Actually, if we play on the words/syntax, it means quite the opposite. You love women so much that you want to pay to have access to their bodies.

Edit: All women saying she wouldn't date him, I don't think that was the question phrased by OP.

sandlylane · 2023-08-13T08:13:00+00:00

No just makes you a loser.

operation-spot · 2023-08-13T03:18:02+00:00

No you probably aren’t a misogynist but I don’t agree with paying sex for sex so I wouldn’t date you based on that.

Windmill_flowers · 2023-08-13T04:51:44+00:00

No.

If you hated women you would not be paying just to be with them.

theywannabelexy · 2023-08-13T05:58:57+00:00

nah but it does make u desperate

januaryphilosopher · 2023-08-13T08:22:47+00:00

Not automatically, but it's pretty much always at least partially based on misogynist beliefs, although it can be based on other beliefs that are just misinformed (it's "respectful and consensual", although I guess that could be rooted in misogyny too, for example the idea that the standard for respecting women is lower). I'm finding information on that quite glaringly absent. Why do you think this is an okay thing to do? On what basis are loved ones in your life calling you a misogynist?

Reasonable_Listen514 · 2023-08-13T10:22:58+00:00

No. And stop listening to people who baselessly accuse you of "misogyny". There's too much of that from people who don't even grasp what the word means.

Paying for a prostitute is nothing more than exchanging money for a service. It's a service that's illegal in many places, and many morally look down on, but you're just paying for a service.

Misogyny: hatred of, aversion to, or prejudice against women.

If you don't meet that definition, then you aren't misogynist.

theunamerican · 2023-08-13T17:39:01+00:00

No why would it make you misogynist? These women are offering a service and you’re buying it. Both parties are happy.

operapeach · 2023-08-13T20:44:03+00:00

Yes, it does. You aren’t paying for sex, you are paying to rape them.

If someone would not have sex with you under normal, consensual pretenses, you are buying their consent and thus raping them. Money is not and will never be equal to consent.

aryamagetro · 2023-08-13T03:59:03+00:00

you're raping women so yeah you're a misogynist

OkBlueberry3088 · 2023-08-13T05:53:26+00:00

Misogynist means HATRED OF WOMEN. People throw that word around without knowing what it means. In your case, you’re not necessarily a misogynist just because you pay for sex. You’re just a good customer.

MGTOWManofMystery · 2023-08-13T15:14:23+00:00

No, you're fine. You've actually cracked the code.

nomore560 · 2023-08-13T09:33:44+00:00

Every guy pays in one way or another. Men pay with their time (get ready, drive/take transport, sit down with the girl at a restaurant and repeat a couple more times until they get sex). This is time you won’t get back.

While spending time, you’re also investing your energy and attention during those dates. Energy and attention you’re expending.

I’m not advocating for it, but I can understand.

I wonder how the people would feel about a women paying for sex? (And by the way, if we’re not there yet, we’re heading there.)

Twinseo09 · 2023-08-13T13:53:31+00:00

No, Wtf.

AdjectiveMcNoun · 2023-08-13T16:14:05+00:00

Not as long as you both consent to everything and agree to the terms, and you treat her with respect. I have no moral issue with it personally, if aforementioned conditions are met. It's actually much better than using women for sex and/or lying to them to get it, in my opinion.

The murky area comes up when the women who are working are not doing so voluntarily and are beholden to a pimp or madam somewhere. Then it becomes a human trafficking issue which is much bigger issue than being misogynistic. Sometimes it's hard to know for sure what the women's situation actually is, especially depending where you live and if prostitution is illegal, so that's where things get dicey. Prostitution also tends to get lumped in with more seedy activities which gives it it's reputation. I think these are the reasons your friends might have some bad feelings about prostitution.

If you're absolutely sure she is providing her services under her own will then I don't think you are doing anything wrong.

liferelationshi · 2023-08-13T16:54:47+00:00

ImAGhostOooooooo · 2023-08-13T19:46:35+00:00

Yes. Prostitutes do what they do because they don't have other means to support themselves. With you being a paying customer, there's a significant power imbalance.

Embarrassed-Tune9038 · 2023-08-13T12:52:08+00:00

Bring a man automatically makes you a misogynist

thetruthishere_ · 2023-08-13T17:19:01+00:00

No.

The men I see are nice fellas. Its a business arrangement.

Frankly, you never have to tell anyone.

Ok_Scene_1799 · 2023-08-13T10:09:46+00:00

misogynist means you hate women, I think you actually like them the right amount, but your ability to access them requires a payment while for others it's free

AshySlashy3000 · 2023-08-13T11:48:41+00:00

No, They Are Wrong For Taking The Money.

COPEshwar · 2023-08-13T05:56:10+00:00

No, It makes you a simp. Regardless, it is one of the better forms of simping.

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Silver_Switch_3109 · 2023-08-13T13:36:13+00:00

Some would say yes because you are exploiting vulnerable women. Some would say no because you are helping empower women by giving them money and helping them have control over their body.

Sillysheila · 2023-08-13T13:39:13+00:00

I don’t think it necessarily makes you a misogynist. Misogynist in my mind means someone who hates women or thinks of them as inferior. If you don’t think of them as inferior or suggest that to others then you’re not misogynist

On another note though, if a relationship is something that you want someday, which it sounds like it might be (you tried 6-7 relationships) then there’s no harm in trying again and again. You don’t have to do this but I wouldn’t completely close that door. You still have time to find someone.

lemonlimealldathyme · 2023-08-13T16:38:31+00:00

No but make sure to employ freelance swers instead of those under “management” (aka traffickers/pimps)

Mentathiel · 2023-08-13T16:38:55+00:00

I don't think you're a misogynist for buying sex inherently.

I have other moral problems with buying sex. One could argue it's systemically misogynistic when wider society is considered. But that doesn't make you as an individual a misogynist. I don't think consent is very clear cut in those scenarios. And I'm too lazy to have a conversation with redpillers about how that's infantilizing women, it's just my opinion, I'm probably not gonna respond to those arguments.

You can seem misogynistic for the way you describe what you do. E.g. if you say that you're buying sex because you can't get a date because women suck and go for assholes instead of a nice guy like you because they're all having their whore phase going for hot Chads, then I would call you a misogynist for that, not for buying sex, but because misogynistic beliefs are causing you to buy it. If you get this feedback consistently from multiple people who love you, both family and friends, I would try to ask them to explain their logic and really listen. If it was just one person saying it it would be different, but if it's coming from all directions maybe there's something to it. Or maybe there's just strong cultural beliefs around prostitution where you live that make them all biased in the same way, who knows, but I would guess there's more to this story in some way.

itsokiloveu · 2023-08-13T17:24:01+00:00

It doesn’t make you misogynistic, but as a woman myself I would never date or take any man who has paid for sex seriously (honest opinion)

basedmama21 · 2023-08-13T17:27:02+00:00

No, but it does mean you really need to evaluate why you cannot get it for free with women who are not a headache

Upstairs-Cut83 · 2023-08-13T19:19:01+00:00

No!! I am a sw and many of my clients are extremely respectful people. It’s just they don’t have time to go around on dates or hate online dating and want to blow off the steam every now and then. I have even hung out with a couple outside of work to to museum and a movie.

BackAgain12345678910 · 2023-08-14T06:55:45+00:00

No. Misogyny = hatred or prejudice against women.

Women will refer to anything a guy does or says that makes them feel bad as misogynistic because they don’t misuse the word and like to shame men.

GodspeedHarmonica · 2023-08-14T09:16:35+00:00

Misogyny has become a buzzword and everyone has their own definition of what it means.

The correct definition is " hatred of, aversion to, or prejudice against women ". If you hate the women you pay, then sure, you are a misogynist. If you do it with respect you are not

Rottingcarcasses · 2023-08-14T14:08:29+00:00

Just be careful because sex worker can mean sex trafficking victim. I’m not suggesting this is something you want or are into, just remember it’s a possibility you wouldn’t even know. You don’t want to contribute to someone’s suffering unknowingly.

Durmyyyy · 2023-08-14T17:59:31+00:00

No, but its kind of gross

I also find it odd that people are content with just sex and not love/a relationship.

HimNeutron · 2023-08-14T23:30:37+00:00

It’s crazy how many men are resorting to paying for it. This isn’t a knock on you, I’m just saying I’m shocked. There are people in my circle who I’d never have guessed have paid for sex before. Either illegally in the states or on vacation. Crazy times we live in, wish there were genuine stats on it.

HighestTierMaslow · 2023-08-17T02:49:22+00:00

That by itself wouldnt make you misogynistic in my eyes. If Im being honest, it might make you seem desperate to me.

Im wondering if there is something else you're doing to make them think you're misogynistic. Most men Ive met that admit to paying for sex are misogynistic but you can tell pretty quickly by the way they talk about women.

Zachary_2K · 2023-08-18T01:56:42+00:00

It’s 2023, existing as a man makes you a misogynist. Get with the program man.

Title	Does paying women for sex automatically make me a “misogynist”?
Author	Yamato4strawhat
Upvotes	58
Comments	377
Date	August 13, 2023 3:02 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/15pnlrm/does_paying_women_for_sex_automatically_make_me_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/does-paying-women-for-sex-automatically-make-me-a.1228242 https://theredarchive.com/post/1228242

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