Have any of the men here just stopped bothering with dating?

eonus01 · 2023-12-29T14:11:15+00:00

31M here - I stopped bothering as of december. Been going to the gym for the past 6 years, got a visible 4-6 pack the entire year (maybe bulky by instagram standards now I guess since it's december hehe). I have a comfortable job as a mechanical design engineer. Am 6 feet tall. Am outgoing, have social circle of about 10 friends, also have female friends / acquaintances.

In the end, it doesn't really matter, because in the eyes of single women around my age and below I am deemed unattractive, both in real world situations and online dating situations :). Friends have never introduced me to anyone, in fact nobody ever really did. I unfortunately live in a rural area, so not really that many women to choose from, and online dates are at least an hour away usually. I am considering moving to a large city, but the problem is that in our country, the cost of living index is high (rent prices vs income).

As a wise redditor once said: It's just a never-ending threadmill of self-improvement. But you cannot outpace the demands that women, which I or you find attractive (my standards aren't really high, just don't be overweight and work on your appearance slightly), put on us. If you're not born with the attractive traits, it's absolutely worthless to try. Being the "calm, stoic, nice guy" hasn't worked, nor did being the funniest guy in the room, because it doesn't matter if you're not attractive.

But of course, I encourage everyone to work on themselves, so that they feel better about themselves. Dating has become by far the worst investment of time and energy for average men, better go to the casino and play roulette lol at least you have more chances there.

jpla86 · 2023-12-29T22:28:15+00:00

I didn’t give up as I never tried. And based on the state of gender relations and the fact only a certain percentage of men will actually be successful with women, I don’t see any point of trying.

As a man, there’s a certain ‘look’ you need to have in order to date. I don’t have that look.

PMmeareasontolive · 2023-12-29T16:18:04+00:00

For now. Social circle is flatlining. Nobody has parties anymore. Online I never feel chemistry with anyone - I'm not expecting magic or tingles, but it just seems so generic. I'm trying to figure out different ways to meet people. For now though, nothing's happening.

SlowEffective8146 · 2023-12-29T16:58:17+00:00

I still date and have casual sex right now in my 30s, but yes I have noticed a lot of Gen Z men are opting out of dating.

mybotisonfire · 2023-12-29T18:47:15+00:00

Done with dating long ago. Don't want a relationship and I'm not into casual sex, so... what would be the point? Went on a few of those "job interview dates" with women my age and Oh, Dear God, what a soul-sucking nightmare. Hopes and dreams. List of shit she wants to renovate in her house. All the travelling she hopes to do.

Sounds like these women don't need a partner in life, they just need a bank loan.

And I ain't no bank. Finances are in tip top shape (despite the divorce), home and car paid for.

Why would I want a women in the picture spending my children's inheritance before my very eyes? On shit like kitchen renos and travel that all you have to show for is pictures of palm trees?

People don't realize that once a man doesn't have much use for sex, he doesn't have much use for women. These men who disagree can't be objective because sex is still on the table and they're desperate for it.

I'm the exception not the rule, for sure.

As for the "you didn't quit you got fired" types. I regularly get pointed out to women, and occasionally asked about my contact info. I say "Just tell her I'm gay." First off, I've never met a woman through an introduction I've been attracted to. Second, these women typically have more red flags than a Chinese parade.

Quit, fired... it doesn't matter if you're just happy to no longer be at a bad job.

Mitago1 · 2023-12-29T14:03:56+00:00

I have, but i am just not interested in a relationship with anyone, there is no real reason behind it.

Reasonable-Watch857 · 2023-12-29T12:54:37+00:00

I'm one of them. Between those who think I'm just a free meal or show and want to fuck Chad or Tyrone or single mothers who want a bailout, I'm good. I'll find a hooker to get my dick wet if I really need sex.

Downtown_Werewolf_44 · 2023-12-29T13:18:18+00:00

I stopped bothering with online dating.

For months, I was wondering why I was able to date attractive girls in real life but it was way more difficult on OLD.

Then I witness one of my friend (girl) get drowned in quality male profiles the second she signed up on a dating app.

Now, I don't lose any time on OLD, it's just a scam and a waste of time for guys. Getting girls in real life is just fine.

tiddermacss · 2023-12-29T18:02:04+00:00

yeah.. coz the type of women i can pull are “run through by chads and hit the wall women”.. so ROI is very low in dating or rel’s with these women.. no matter what BS they try to tell me like “past doesn’t matter” it simply does to me.. i wont take a bad deal just to conform to society.

BinaryDigit_ · 2023-12-29T19:13:26+00:00

I've never been able to enjoy sex and I don't experience sexual attraction as far as I know. However, I have been able to see the abusive nature of women today, and the stupidity of men like on the whatever podcast. Both genders are mostly full of stupid people who I can't ever see myself befriending or dating. However yes, I stopped bothering trying to date. I feel excluded from all of this. I don't know how to express my situation and realistically, people don't even believe people like me exist (asexual/aromantic).

MikeArrow · 2023-12-29T19:25:11+00:00

I never started. I happened to stumble into a long term relationship in my 20's but that's it, aside from that I'm not 'in' the dating scene at all or have the slightest clue how to enter it.

Aafan_Barbarro · 2023-12-29T12:55:27+00:00

I have never really bothered because I never really had a real opportunity, don't have social skills or confidence for a cold approach, I don't believe dating apps are even worth trying and truth be told, I am simply not attractive at all so there is no motivation. I am convinced this is a part of life that is locked away from me. I know many way better men who have their shit together who struggle as well, so at least I am not alone in this position.

CryptoThroway8205 · 2023-12-29T14:28:13+00:00

Kinda started giving up since I stopped swiping but I do have 1 date coming up and another girl I wanna see when she gets back.

GltyUntlPrvnInncnt · 2023-12-29T17:15:26+00:00

I have. A long time ago.

Finding_Myway · 2023-12-29T20:12:20+00:00

I dated (or chased after woman) a lot in my early 20's and now that I'm nearing 30 I can safely say that this was the biggest waste of time and resources and I regret it greatly.

These days I'm working on building the bank getting a second property, retiring before i'm 40, hobbies and hanging out with my good friends.

What I learned was that I think I prefer it when my girlfriend likes me more than I like her, selfish I know but the difference between chasing a girl who's into you a bit and one that is just really into you is night and day.

From my experiences from a string of various girlfriends from ones I chased to those who chase me is that regardless of this, all of them were transactional relationships at the end of the day so you might as well go for low maintenance ones.

My advice honestly is to just not chase women if you're young, work on yourself in whatever way you see fit whether this is the gym or getting rich it'll pay off far better than chasing women.

Edit: Apologies I rambled far too long the question was have you stopped bothered with dating and the answer is yes, I have. I find it far too much hassle for what it's worth.

GH0STRIDER579 · 2023-12-29T22:24:40+00:00

Sure. I'm 26M and never dated, and don't think I ever will because dating, relationships, and the entire courting process seems to me not only not worth the trouble but degrading in nature. I'd sooner be killed before I ever debase myself for the attention of anyone else, much less a woman, and I've grown too accustomed and familiar with being single to see a relationship itself as a satisfactory reward for dating. Honestly it just feels like the time, attention, energy, and passion I would put towards dating I would much rather put to myself and to religion. I value the relationship I have with the divine infinitely more than I do any transient relationship with a potential partner.

JDWhiz96 · 2023-12-29T13:43:21+00:00

Yes I have completely given up. Despite what women and bluepillers say, being social, emotionally intelligent, kind, and aligned does absolutely nothing to enhance a man's odds in dating. Much like u/Reasonable-Watch857, I'm not gonna be a leftover for Chad/Tyrone, I'm not gonna be used to prop up some selfish woman's ego/attention, not gonna be used for a free meal or for favors, and I'm not gonna be used by some fatso or single mom just because their options ran out.

RedditIsCensorship2 · 2023-12-29T14:52:27+00:00

Women and relationships aren't worth the effort anymore that they require to bloom. So, I only do casual anymore. And that's not difficult to do, since modern day women are of such low quality, that they will sleep with men without even expecting any commitment. If the women themselves can't even respect themselves enough to make sure a man is serious about them, why would I?

ThorLives · 2023-12-30T00:22:09+00:00

I was watching a YouTube video about dating recently. I scrolled down to the comments. There were easily hundreds and hundreds of comments by guys talking about giving up on dating and women. There were a few guys in relationships who commented that they wouldn't even bother dating again if they're current relationship fell apart because the dating market is so awful.

Personally, I haven't given up, but I totally understand it.

veloron2008 · 2023-12-29T19:07:09+00:00

There are many women who are soft (not weak), feminine, loyal, optimistic and extremely family oriented. Women who have not been jaded romantically and who view sex as intimacy, not recreation. 0 or very low n-count is a huge factor there. Which matches our natural instinct.

However, these women are becoming exceedingly rare in the West, so you will probably have to go to them wherever they are in the world. If you do find one who is a good match, you will not be disappointed. That I promise you. It's incredibly fulfilling to build a life and family together with them.

Spoiler: I married one like that many years ago. I'm grateful every single day for her. I'm fortunate in that I met my girl here at university.

There would be some logistics to work out for most. But what is life without a good challenge. So much better than becoming jaded about all women...

helpadudeout9 · 2023-12-29T18:55:47+00:00

Yes, I (36M) have stopped "bothering with dating". From reading some of the comments, I share a lot in common with these men, but I think I may be less "resentful" or angry about it. I could be reading ya'll wrong, but that's the vibe I get from a lot of comments.

So I'm 36, divorced w/ no kids. 5'11" 215, dad bod. Shaved bald with a beard most of the time. If we're grading on a traditional bell curve, I'm probably a 5-6 if only physical attributes are factored in.

I make an effort to present myself well, so I practice good dental hygiene, shower regularly, wear deodorant, have a "signature scent", wear clean clothes that fit, etc etc. I have a really good job making well over 6 figures, and own my home and 2 rentals. I have a good, tight friend group that hangs out often. I am close with my family. I am well respected in my community.

Online Dating is hard, because it prioritizes looks across the board, and it's really hard to communicate your non-physical strengths without coming across as cocky or shallow etc.

Real life is actually easier in my opinion, because it allows someone like me to display other strengths like sense of humor, ability to banter & flirt, conversation skills, and how I carry myself in a public setting. Also, it seems like a lot of women aren't approached in person much and they respect a man willing to put forth the effort and risk rejection. I promise you I'm not very attractive, and I'm definitely not always successful, but women are pretty much never rude to me when I talk to them in public. (By the way, I'm not using pick up lines or aggressive, I'm talking about simply starting conversation with a woman in public that I don't know).

That said, I'm not doing well out there. I feel like I should check a lot of boxes for women, but I certainly don't have women knocking down my door. The women who have shown interest are what I believe to be swinging out of their league (no offense intended, but for example, a 49F with 5 kids working part time at Dollar General isn't a woman I'm looking for ya know?)

Anyway... I also live in a somewhat rural area, so my options are limited. My age also limits my potential options. It's rough out there. The juice hasn't been worth the squeeze, so I deleted Tinder and Hinge and have stopped efforts in meeting a woman in public too. It's been very liberating and relaxing. I'm still open to meeting the right woman, but I'm not out looking any more, that's for sure.

I'd encourage others struggling to do the same, but not with a angry/resentful attitude. Stop looking/swiping and go enjoy life. Most people in "happy relationships" don't seem all that happy to me. I can do whatever I want and that's pretty awesome. Romance is not the end all and be all unless YOU make it that way.

Notsonewguy7 · 2023-12-29T14:46:02+00:00

Switched teams. Well more like took a exclusive contract.

macone235 · 2023-12-30T01:59:35+00:00

I have no attraction to women in a non-sexual context (romantic, mental and emotional) since taking TRP. I find the way they are as people to just be very unpleasant for a relationship. So no, I'm not pursuing relationships with them at the moment. That might change in the future, but it would be strictly for the intent of having a family - not "love".

I don't pity the situation though. It's actually been a welcome change. I went from having a very toxic view of women and relationships to having a very healthy and realistic view of them. I'm still not quite where I want to be, but I've put in a lot of work into evolving away from being a simp, and that's worth more than any relationship.

2023-12-29T12:45:32+00:00

And fwiw online dating is easier for me than irl but it's still too time-consuming.

AceOfSpadesGymBro3 · 2023-12-29T13:04:41+00:00

I've given up dating because I'm married, but when I dated I enjoyed every minute of it. Sure, there were times when I got frustrated or hurt or was angry at a specific woman who fucked me over, but that's life.

I feel like so many of you guys are so fucking weak and scared. Life ain't always easy. Life tries to beat you up sometimes. I came from tough upbringing in Eastern Europe, so some chick telling me she's not interested has never been the end of the world for me. I'm like fine, there is another bitch right behind you and then another and then another. They haven't stopped making women, you guys. They come up with new models every month.

I think the problem with men who are having such trouble with dating is that they are scared of pussy: https://farfrombasyc.com/2020/12/are-men-scared-of-pussy.html

wtknight · 2023-12-29T16:22:16+00:00

I stopped trying for a while but eventually met someone who I really liked by accident

PM_ME_YOUR_MUSIC4FB · 2023-12-30T03:15:34+00:00

Yes. A few years ago. I'm strictly a casual sex/fwb person. Press me for anything more serious and you'll be dismissed.

Gold_Supermarket1956 · 2023-12-30T07:57:38+00:00

I wouldn't say I've stopped but I'm not actively looking, even if I were it would be a FWB thing or with someone who never wants to get married or have kids

Ok-Excitement-6643 · 2023-12-30T13:50:36+00:00

43M - I haven't given up on dating because I'm not looking but it's definitely challenging. I don't want to date women with younger kids because they have too many responsibilities. I'm done having kids. I would prefer them to be out of the house. I'm a little skeptical about dating with with degrees, a high profile career and make decent money because they can be grandiose and I HATE that.

Too many women that I have met don't have self awareness and selfish asf. I don't have the patience.

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Anti_Thing · 2023-12-30T16:54:51+00:00

20 is way too young to give up.

I'm 26 & I'm not ready to give up. I feel like I have no other viable option. For me the potential payoff is actually quite high. My religion forbids sex outside of marriage & strongly encourages procreation. Of course I want sex, & I'm also baby crazy. I've endured years of rejection & I'm willing to endure years more as long as there's the remotest possibility that I don't have to die a childless virgin.

orelki · 2023-12-30T20:17:24+00:00

Oh yeah, 100%. 27M here. For the last two years or so I don't bother. I was sexually attacked by an ex and that was the last nail in the coffin of my courtship towards women. They seem shallow, petty, and unreliable to me. As much as it pains me to say - I think I'm an incel at this point.

Dr_Click_Click_Boom · 2023-12-31T18:06:40+00:00

I stopped bothering a little over a decade ago after graduating from college. I was a non-traditional student so it's not like I was 21 years old. I had previously dated a variety of women. But I got to a point where I knew I either needed to shit or get off the pot so to speak. Either date with the intent to marry or not waste any woman's time and more importantly not waste my time. I chose not to waste anybody's time so I no longer date.

rpujoe · 2024-01-03T21:39:40+00:00

There is little payoff and high risk

That is especially true these days thanks to hoeflation. That's why a lot of guys are not bothering or going abroad to date. With western women the overarching consensus is the juice is not worth the squeeze. And the data bears this out.

As I stated in another thread, Aaron Clarey did the math for one of this books and found less than 3% of women are ideal relationship material when you consider things like sexual past, kids, age, STDs, debt, and other variables men consider in a partner.

Between the obesity epidemic and other factors, the days of the sexual middle class of average guys ending up a cute mid girl next door are over.

This is why I don't shit on passport bros. You still have to do the work, but a 7 here is godmode in a lot of places. Going where you're valued and have life on easy mode is a no-brainer if you ask me.

Title	Have any of the men here just stopped bothering with dating?
Author	theswartraven
Upvotes	138
Comments	364
Date	December 29, 2023 12:44 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/18tmc2b/have_any_of_the_men_here_just_stopped_bothering/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/have-any-of-the-men-here-just-stopped-bothering.1241795 https://theredarchive.com/post/1241795

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