I was born in 1991

Now I am mid thirties. And not once have I known the prelevant narrative in culture and society to be that the best chance for you to attract girls and women is to be studious, nice, polite, hard working and to be their friend.

I'd go so far as to say this was the common narrative presented to most young men that you're either delusional, or simply pushing a very weak excuse to further your own victim complex.

In the early 2000's when my generation started fooling around with girls and going through puberty, it was glaringly obvious what attracted women.

At school it was the sporty guys or the bullys. This is universal. You would see it every day. This was not a mystery.

Pop culture was full of raunchy and sexualised music videos, violent video games and stylish action films where everyone was cool and sexy. It was the rise of reality TV, it was shows like 90210 and The OC where everyone was good looking.

If a nerd did get the girl in fiction, it was because they were the MAIN CHARACTER IN A FICTIONAL SHOW, the ENTIRE gimmick is that they are the EXCEPTION to the rule. Very often in media the girl is depicted as having or starting out with a typical jock boyfriend.

Spoiler alert - unless you have severe main character syndrome which I think a lot of you do, then you are NOT the exception. You are NOT Spider man who steals MJ away from Flash Thompson, you are NOT that nerdy character from the OC who steals the hot girl from the jock.

Even these depictions of nerds winning in the end eatablish the status quo as being traditionally attractive and dominant men. It even makes a point that that's the "norm"

So if you consume media like that and think that your life is going to play out like a spiderman movie then I don't know what to say...the onus is on you for that delusion.

And if you're going to blame your mother or other adult female influences in your life, then the onus is once again on you.

If I was going outside and going to school and seeing girls get with bad boys and sporty guys and then went home and my mother said "no honey you are perfect how you are women will want you for being the nice guy you are" and you BOUGHT into that, then yeah, the onus is very much on you. And you're probably fundamentally passive and timid at heart in that case as you'd rather take comfort in your mother quite frankly just being polite to you as to not make you feel inferior as total gospel on dating as opposed to whats very obvious when you went to school or hung out with friends or watched TV.

And the past 15 years have given you even less of an excuse. Social media is brutally honest with what's attractive and what's not. Dating apps have existed in their current form for over a decade and that's an ice bath of reality if there ever was one. Young women these days are NOT going around hiding the fact they're attracted to attractive guys. And reality TV like love island has shown dating and sexual dynamics as clear as day for what they are for many years now.

I simply cannot see where you have the right to claim victim and that you were lied to.

Maybe if you were home schooled and all your media was decided for you then I could see how you'd be influenced. But if you chose to fall back on the comfort of effeminate media and to believe your mother and grandmother's throwaway platitudes (what else are they supposed to say? Dating advice isn't your mothers place anyway) then the onus is all on you.

All the information was out there plain as day. Nobody lied to you. You were either delusional and wanted to believe you were that special exception to the rule like the super hero who steals the jocks girl in the fake make believe film whilst ignoring actual real life at school, or you are the kind of person who simply makes excuse after excuse and blames everyone else retroactively.

But no, society did not lie to you about what was attractive, you chose to believe your own version of it because you didn't like the truth, so you fell back on your own version.