Female double standards regarding insecurity

Exciting_Baseball982 · 2025-10-06T23:33:12+00:00

So the issue isn't the double standard, but in the difference of the perceived value of male and female emotional states.

A woman's insecurity is seen as a vulnerability to be managed and protected. It's a call to action for a man to provide, to shield, to be a rock her fear of driving after a crash is met with offers to drive her, to go to therapy with her, to be patient.

A man's insecurity, however, is seen as a fundamental failure of his utility. It is a defect, his fear of driving is met with "then you are useless as a driver, get out of the car and walk." In the sexual marketplace, a man who is insecure about his height, his finances, or his partner's extensive sexual history is not displaying a wound, he is displaying a broken component, he is js announcing that he cannot perform his primary function to be secure, stable, and unshakable.

and this is precisely why the shaming is so effective, it's not just social ridicule, it's a direct challenge to his market value. when a woman says, "Im insecure about my body," the underlying, often unspoken response from society is, "but you still have intrinsic value as a woman." when a man says, "I'm insecure about my height," the underlying response is, "then what value do you possibly offer?"

like your comparison to the car crash is perfect, but you miss the real conclusion, the world doesn't care why the man is afraid to drive. It only cares that the car is no longer moving, and if he can't drive, the car will find someone who can.

hence this is def more about realizing that pleading for fairness in this system is as effective as a worker ant pleading with the queen for a day off, the rules of the game are not based on fairness, they are based on biological and social realities that are utterly indifferent to our feelings.

and the only rational response is to understand the rules, assess your own hand, and play accordingly or refuse to play a rigged game altogether.

Novadina · 2025-10-07T01:19:13+00:00

Short guy goes out into the world, hits on some girls, gets brutally rejected (they laugh in his face, call him short, say he's not a real man, etc).

This man then is then later insecure about his height, rightfully so. Then bluepillers only solution is to say "just don't be insecure".

It’s not the act of being insecure at all that is the problem. It’s the taking it out on women and coming to strange conclusions about women because of it. I don’t care about dating a short guy, but I wouldn’t date a short guy who whined to me about me not being a virgin or accused me of faking my attraction to him because he can’t believe anyone would be.

Look, I’ve had men laugh in my face, say dating me “would be like dating one of the guys” because they didn’t have an interest in computer nerds. I didn’t then start harassing men who are interested in dating me with weird accusations or expectations or accuse all men everywhere of being like those men who rejected me.

If someone got in a car crash, then had a fear of driving, would your advice be "just stop being afraid to drive, bro"?

Yes, it would be to go to therapy and work through your shit so you can try to live a happy life.

blebbyroo · 2025-10-06T23:29:22+00:00

If someone was in a car crash and was afraid to drive the advice would be: therapy. They likely have ptsd. Understandable, also treatable with therapy and time.

Same advice is given to men with no confidence. But they don’t like the answer or they try it once and get mad it doesn’t immediately improve their situation.

The truth is therapy isn’t easy and it’s not fast and not every therapist is going to be right for you. It’s a process that is often costly and time intensive. Does that suck? Hell yeah. But it’s better than giving up or being afraid of life.

Logical_Breadfruit49 · 2025-10-07T07:37:26+00:00

Insecurity is a privilege only for women. It has been this way since the dawn of time.

Siukslinis_acc · 2025-10-07T03:02:19+00:00

If someone got in a car crash, then had a fear of driving, would your advice be "just stop being afraid to drive, bro"?

Where i'm from, we have alternatives to cars, so yes, you can not drive and no one will bat an eye. Heck, my brother does not have a car and just uses public transport, bike and feets.

Bit if you have no other option, but to drive, then you do need to get professional help to teach you how to deal with the fear.

alreadydark · 2025-10-07T01:26:06+00:00

Can you give more examples of how exactly men aren’t allowed to be insecure? I’m not finding yours convincing

Let’s say I was bald and I posted my picture on a dating advice forum looking for advice to have more success. And then people tell me to get a wig. Does it make sense for me to now say “WOMEN ARENT ALLOWED TO BE BALD!!”? Like, I can be bald. It’s just making me less attractive, and I’ve asked people what I can do to be more attractive, and they’ve given me an answer.

As for the fact that it’s turning men redpilled… do you not see that it’s not the insecurity that woman have a problem with when it comes to the red pill, it’s their reaction?

. Most women more or less have a sense a fear due male violence and aggression. Most men understand this fear. But if a woman lashes out against all men and develops an ideology where men are inherently violent and evil, men would have a problem with that. Is the conclusion to draw here that women aren’t allowed to have fear?

(edit: i'm merging a second comment I wrote here)

Also, there's a difference between having insecurities and acting an insecure way. It's the latter women have an issue with, not the former.

I've mentioned on this sub before that i'm ugly because I do in fact see myself as ugly. I've had people straight up tell me i'm ugly and guys ask me out as a joke when I was in middle school. An ex-boyfriend told me he didn't really find me attractive (implicitly, but the message was clear.) But you would never know I have this insecurity from talking to me. I've never been the kind of girl to fish for compliments. It's never came up in dating or in serious relationships. I never asked for anyone to reaffirm to me that they think i'm attractive or whatever. I've just never made it other peoples problem. My mindset has been like "Well, i'm definitely ugly. But i'm not gonna hide inside all day because I don't enjoy that. And at least i'm not horrendous enough looking for him to not be with me. If my ugliness ever becomes too hard to bare then he'll leave me, but only time will tell, and asking for reaffirmation isn't going to change that"

krackedy · 2025-10-06T23:00:54+00:00

Constant insecurity is annoying and exhausting regardless of gender. Desperate men are just more likely to put up with it while letting the resentment build.

You don't have to work on your insecurities but if you're not then you're making things harder for yourself

SleepyPoemsin2020 · 2025-10-07T01:57:56+00:00

Two things.

First, being more likely to be judged for showing weakness is one of the side effects of your gender role. Now I'm all for dismantling gender roles. But for dudes who are looking for a submissive wifey that will follow his lead, suck it up buttercup. It's just part of the gig.

Second, ya'll need to stop putting up with annoying behavior from women and then expecting women to tolerate your similarly annoying behavior. If a woman is an insecure mess who can't handle her shit, then dump her. Don't be so afraid of being alone or sexless that you'll tolerate anything.

Same-Muscle6287 · 2025-10-06T23:08:40+00:00

I quite honestly don’t give af if some men want to “become red pilled” and become disgruntled miserable assholes for the rest of their lives.

You’re talking getting “brutally rejected” or whatever the fuck….dude when I was a young girl in school guys would make fun of me for my hair and my clothes and my looks all the time. A boy in middle school literally choked me until I started blacking out and his sister stopped him while his guy friends literally laughed about it. In high school a dude pushed me into a pitch black shed at a backyard party and his friend grabbed my hands in the dark and shoved them down his pants.

If you let your insecurities destroy you and ruin your life then that’s on you. Do you think I became some weird fuck who hates men and thinks that they are incapable of love or whatever these creatures who suck on red pill cock reiterate over and over again about women?

It’s on you if you want to waste your time on this earth being eaten alive by your own insecurities. I couldn’t care less about some weak men becoming victim to some misogynistic cult because a woman was mean to them and life wasn’t sunshine and roses all the time. That’s not how life works. They can grow the fuck up or not. Who cares. It’s their life to waste away.

Putrid-Storage-9827 · 2025-10-07T11:04:40+00:00

The reason for the double-standard you're talking about is very simple: competence and power are attractive in men.

If a man is insecure, that means he's doesn't feel in control. Physically, socially, potentially even politically.

There's nothing about insecurity that could possibly be attractive to a woman. I don't think insecurity in women is really very attractive to men, either (except to insecure men who themselves fear being dominated) and it's just not quite as unattractive in women as it is in men - but anyway yes bottom line, women want men who are in charge because they instinctively seem more likely to be able to help them out and create a safe environment for a woman and her children.

Worst of all, the more sincere and understandable the insecurity is, the more unattractive. A man irrationally insecure might be healed - a man rationally anxious because of unattractive facial features, physical weakness or being smaller or shorter or having a smaller penis than other men, or being poor, or being alcoholic, or being politically oppressed is logically not a good mate.

There's no way to convince women that men who feel weak, physically imposed on, frightened or oppressed are in any way shape or form attractive. There is no good reason for a woman to be attracted to such a man - and the likely ones are dishonest or manipulative.

Nellylocheadbean · 2025-10-06T23:32:24+00:00

I think men are allowed to have insecurities but ppl expect them to be working on them at the very least. For example many insecure short men wallow in their insecurities and make being short their entire personality. No one wants to be around that.

Flightlessbirbz · 2025-10-06T23:00:48+00:00

How many times has this actually, physically happened to you, or you personally witnessed it happen to another guy? Genuine question, because people can talk a big game online but tend to mind their manners in person. I’m not saying it’s impossible, but most of the time it seems more like guys who have never hit on anyone imagining this is what will happen if they do. Or she said “I have a boyfriend,” and he heard “lol you’re short and not a real man.”

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Routine-Present-3676 · 2025-10-06T22:58:55+00:00

Well y'all get pissed when we tell you to go to therapy and work your shit out, so idk what other kind of solution you're expecting. No one is going to work out your insecurities for you.

BobtheArcher2018 · 2025-10-06T22:59:18+00:00

Yes. Women do this. Nobody's perfect, and when people of either gender lapse, they tend to do so along gendered lines.

But the real message is clear. Women are attracted to confidence in men, and repulsed by excessive insecurity. Truth be told, men feel pretty much the same way about other men, though in a non-sexual way ofc. I get that the hypocrisy is galling, as is the refusal to be honest about it. But it is what it is. There is a male burden of performance, just as there are female burdens of performance. If you want to be attractive to women, you must meet the burden and not try to shirk it or argue yourself out of it, because it doesn't matter what women say with their mouth words here. Their bodies feel differently.

Icy_Ad_4544 · 2025-10-06T22:53:54+00:00

Other people can’t fix a personal insecurity. Like it or not insecurity is unattractive. Men get turned off and exhausted having to constantly reassure their partner that she’s not fat, ugly, bad teeth, socially annoying, etc. Its emotionally draining for both genders.

Reasonable_Mouse789 · 2025-10-06T23:02:15+00:00

Having preferences is fine, especially as long as you’re tactful about them.

It’s not wrong to be insecure. This is actually a sign of being well adjusted. Processing your feelings is important. However, behind every success is a rejection that people ignore (job applications are an example of this), so having thick skin will help with those parts. You really just can’t pay attention to people who don’t like you if you want to be happy, it’s basically the equivalent of doomscrolling the internet. There will never be an end to people who make everyone around them miserable, even if you’re a great person.

Educational_Middle57 · 2025-10-06T23:08:39+00:00

Double standards, IN THIS DATING MARKET?! I'm shocked to hear that.

MoreCheesePlease8675 · 2025-10-06T22:59:07+00:00

Because emotional men are seen as weak men by both other men and women. Society hates emotional people but hates emotional men even more. In most cases "I need you to open up" is just code for "tell me all of your secrets and insecurities so I can exploit them when I'm mad at you". That's why I laugh when people tell me I can talk about my emotions and tell them anything...I know better than to tell you where my goat is. I know a trap when I see one and if I need to talk to someone I'll just keep it to myself or take it to ChatGPT...it's better that way.

ThatBitchA · 2025-10-06T23:23:34+00:00

Men can have all the insecurities they want.

Just own that your insecurities impact your dating prospects.

Solondthewookiee · 2025-10-06T23:04:06+00:00

There's a difference between "don't be insecure" and "don't make your insecurity someone else's problem."

We all have insecurities, but the issues arise when we make them other people's problems.

LawfulnessSuper5091 · 2025-10-06T23:01:51+00:00

Also, the kind of women I've mainly been friends with since university days would be extremely UNlikely to call a man short or treat him like that.

Is this some extremely clueless goon who walks up to the most plastic looking insta models he can see and asks them in a really pushy way?

Look; I think there's something to this. Men are definitely expected to carry a bit more, but if you're just a ball of insecurities you're not going to get a woman ever. "Men are expected" is really that for deep biological reasons a snivelling guy is as attractive as a dogturd ice cream.

Naive-Friendship6609 · 2025-10-07T08:38:13+00:00

Huh? What's ur problem man just be performatively perfect in a society that puts you down for being 'the man' while reaping zero benefits

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DGenerationMC · 2025-10-07T13:41:57+00:00

Double standards make the world go round.

SomeGift9250 · 2025-10-07T21:06:34+00:00

You will also see this with dating preferences.

Case in point, body positivity. An overweight, unattractive woman wants feels unwanted. There are media campaigns to make them feel better. Plus sized models show up more on screen. There are support groups to help them psychologically. Damned be those jerk, shallow men.

A fat man is told to suck it up and go to the gym. Imagine telling a woman publicly to lose weight. You'll get shot at.

EyePsychological7192 · 2025-10-09T14:33:37+00:00

Just stop validating women bro all together. Dont do anything for them.

Emergency-Sell-6713 · 2025-10-10T02:14:23+00:00

Sounds like you're being insecure about being insecure. Stop that.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2025-10-07T00:55:01+00:00

Aba and Preach actually touched on this a few days ago- even brought up the point that “if you actually foster and work on those real relationships with your friends then they will be the one that you can both confide in AND they will build you up socially as well”

https://youtu.be/pwguyPrL0uE?si=HlClzdlRvsNjATK3

The good news is that I’m this one video has already gotten over 390K views, which is way more than most any Redpill podcast (especially one that don’t have thirst trap “guests”)

And to the 2nd point, about “what’s red pilling men”

Jameela Jamil has pointed out that what’s actually happening is that it’s Older, more middle aged men that are actually trying to pull some one the young men into it because they feel like the people their age have left them behind, so the want to essentially “drag down” as many young men as they can before they also leave them.

So there seems to be a much more selfish and nefarious intent on what’s really “red pilling” young men

https://youtube.com/shorts/hxwr-zrqXEY?si=LwZW35bl0hWamaiS

So the good news for those concerned about young men and thier feelings of insecurity, which we can admit almost all young men can go thru periods of feeling certain levels of insecurity or fear of opening up or being venerable) is that it is being positively addressed and awareness is being brought to these issues by much more empathetic people and social commenters

So it’s only those who are stuck in the toxic echo-chamber and algorithm who are going to continue to struggle. But it looks like that echo chamber is getting smaller and smaller. Than and the older men trying to Redpill young struggling dudes

alreadydark · 2025-10-07T01:51:13+00:00

Also, there's a difference between having insecurities and acting an insecure way. It's the latter women have an issue with, not the former.

I've mentioned on this sub before that i'm ugly because I do in fact see myself as ugly. I've had people straight up tell me i'm ugly and guys ask me out as a joke when I was in middle school. But you would never know I have this insecurity from talking to me. I've never been the kind of girl to fish for compliments. It's never came up in dating or in serious relationships. I never asked for anyone to reaffirm to me that they think i'm attractive or whatever. I've just never made it other peoples problem. My mindset has been like "Well, i'm definitely ugly. But i'm not gonna hide inside all day because I don't enjoy that. And at least i'm not horrendous enough looking for him to not be with me. If my ugliness ever becomes too hard to bare then he'll leave me, but only time will tell, and asking for reaffirmation isn't going to change that"

WildCrazy8 · 2025-10-07T02:35:48+00:00

It’s ok to be insecure, all humans are to a degree, tho constantly talking about them (even jokingly) , making them someone else’s issue can be problematic.

No-Ad8127 · 2025-10-06T23:50:11+00:00

Insecurity is exhausting and irritating with both men and women. It’s a real relationship killer no matter who it comes from.

Equivalent_Dance2278 · 2025-10-07T06:08:33+00:00

What absolute nonsense. An insecurity is often an illogical reaction to something you believe. And you are asking people to VALIDATE your insecurity, which is completely stupid, if they don’t think like you. You are asking people to validate intrusive thoughts in your head. Does that seem rational?

Let ME give you an example. A child is learning to ride a bike. They fall off and are now are too nervous to get back on. And you think validating that nervousness is the solution? The whole point of keeping trying to do it, is you get better.

Most short men are bullied first at school BY OTHER BOYS. Yet you aren’t afraid of men? So yours is a convenient insecurity. If you don’t get that first job you want after an interview, do you give up? No. You keep trying.

You are allowed to have insecurities. What you aren’t Allowed to do is expect others to agree with you. “I have huge ears.” ……”no, you don’t. I think your ears are fine”……. “How dare you not agree with me!” Riiiight. Nonsense.

diaryofalostgirl · 2025-10-06T22:51:55+00:00

So, car crashes are near-death experiences...

ChampionNecessary692 · 2025-10-06T22:58:17+00:00

Who said men can’t have insecurities?

TheBroke1234 · 2025-10-06T23:33:24+00:00

I think the "just don't be insecure" thing is a little simplistic. I doubt anyone is saying that.

Yes, anyone acting like its easy to overcome insecurity is a douche. I think everyone overcomes some level of insecurity with age, but especially if you are coming from a rough background it takes an exceptional person to overcome insecurity. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. If you have ever grown up in a family that struggles badly with drug or alcohol issues, you know what I am talking about... I have so many 50 60 year old family members who have the emotional regulation and ego of toddlers. In the "No more Mr. Nice guy" book, which is a great book about this, he still calls himself a "recovering nice guy" and he talks about still struggling with some insecure tendencies, and this is a middle aged guy who is a psychology expert, even he still has some issues.

I think working through insecurity has an incredible return on investment in terms of dating, career, general happiness, it cannot be downplayed. You should not want to be insecure regardless of who is willing to validate it, insecurity fucking sucks!

And I have realized as I started working on this, the bar with women is quite a bit lower than I thought. You do not have to be even close to perfect or psychologically healthy. You can't be a total anxious wreck, you just have to be somewhat composed and at least try. Having balls to even try taking initiative and hitting on women gives you a lot of points, even if deep down you are still insecure. And a lot of this stuff can be faked. In general I think our culture more broadly especially with gen z has taken a turn for the worse, everyone is way too non-confrontational, insecure, anxious, etc. And a lot of the ones who aren't are total pieces of shit. Just having a small amount of confidence puts you ahead of most.

PullHisHairIDontCare · 2025-10-07T06:11:47+00:00

Just stop drinking bro

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2025-10-07T00:50:36+00:00

Interesting. Women have repeated negative experiences with men and a lot of you love to tell us we’re overreacting, it’s not all men, or “racists say the same thing about black people”

But when a short guy has an issue…..now it’s an issue worth discussing.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2025-10-07T00:01:59+00:00

why is this women's business?

ta06012022 · 2025-10-07T02:07:04+00:00

It’s only a double standard when one woman believes something then also believes something that contradicts it. It’s not a double standard if one woman believes one thing and a different woman believes a different thing.

Sadsad0088 · 2025-10-07T06:55:48+00:00

Not just women, men as well tend to pressure other men into lowering their standards due to the scarcity mindset and coping mechanism.

You see it when a guy says a girl is too fat or promiscuous for him

Downtown_Cat_1745 · 2025-10-08T21:30:17+00:00

So you make up a rejection scenario and make up people’s reaction to it.

SexCrispies · 2025-10-07T07:27:45+00:00

Advice would be: go to therapy to help overcome your insecurities. Build your confidence and learn to be resilient towards negative judgment from others. Address your fears, traumas and mostly, your world view, that is the basis for your values and how you can be hurt.

Insecurity weighs heavier on a man's mate value, than a woman's. Because guess what, confidence is sexy and important in men, but way less important in women. Men get devalued when they show a lack of confidence and competence. Not just by women, but by men as well. It's part of our intrasexual dominance hierarchy.

Men expected to be confident is the number 1 thing that is redpilling men in 2025. Welcome to evolutionary biology 101. Your grandma already told you that being confident is important and sexy. Even bluepillers say that confidence is key. Men tell you to be confident. Everyone knows this.

That you might not be confident is a huge problem for you. I can understand. But you are not going to change your insecurity into a desired trait or a neutral trait.

EsotericRonin · 2025-10-07T02:59:01+00:00

Nobody is saying you have to put up with insecure women either. People in general don't like insecure people who make their insecurities other peoples problems, which is something incels dont seem to get.

Dziksoon · 2025-10-06T23:15:35+00:00

Women like that don't deserve respect, they are just cum bags

Title	Female double standards regarding insecurity
Author	N_Count_Council
Upvotes	126
Comments	396
Date	October 6, 2025 10:42 PM UTC (9 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1nzxvqj/female_double_standards_regarding_insecurity/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/female-double-standards-regarding-insecurity.1563572 https://theredarchive.com/post/1563572

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