Red flags in possible future wives!

BatGuano52 · 2024-07-28T16:03:48+00:00

Huge red flag: You are seeing red flags and choosing to ignore them, you believe that you can fix them or you believe she will grow out of them.

I look back now and wonder what the hell I was thinking.

Watch the movie Heat, the part where Al Pacino is grilling the guy they want to turn into an informant. He sums it up perfectly:

"She's got great ass!!! And you've got your head all the way up it."

Positive_Rub_6696 · 2024-07-23T03:26:39+00:00

20 red flags from Rich Cooper

thro281 · 2024-07-22T19:36:06+00:00

Materialistic
She doesn’t read books for whatever reason
she doesn’t get along with her mother (we men are supposed to get along with both parents why can’t they)

SuperConfused40 · 2024-07-22T16:49:12+00:00

If she smokes

Vegitarian/vegan

Mental health issues

Edit - spacing

This_Train340i · 2024-07-22T16:30:44+00:00

My Red Flags (yours might be different):

If she is on any anti-depressants, and/or in lifelong therapy.
If she has a flippant attitude towards sex and brags about her sexual partners like one of the boys. Habitually sleeps with men on the first date.
If she had cheated.
If she's been engaged more than once and terminated the engagements.
If she has children (I won't be a stepdad)
If she doesn't want or like children
If dogs don't like her, or she doesn't like dogs
If she is on social media every day, and accustomed to validation from strangers.
If she is a serial dater and can't be alone.
If she has a high body count.
If she's been divorced more than once.
If she is fat.
If she has visible tattoos or multiple tattoos, and no tattoo larger than a quarter.
If she has blue/green/unnatural red hair
Face piercings
Short hair
Career boss babe
Acts manly, doesn't dress modestly
Inability to self reflect or apologize
Selfish, self-centered, self-righteous
Is an atheist or has an irrational hatred of Christianity
Feels entitled to a charmed life but won't do any work to get there
Has been on dating apps for years
Flirts whether she is in a relationship or not
Has few boundaries and won't respect yours
Is untrustworthy
If she has been married and divorced in less than a year

Welp, that was cathartic, boys. I'm okay with being single for the rest of my life, I get it ... my standards are too high. But what profiteth a man who gains a woman but loses his own soul/virtues/morals?

Pretend_Line6688 · 2024-07-22T16:29:27+00:00

Be observant of how she handles things when she gets upset or hurt by others . During my relationship my ex cut off 3 friends (@ different times) that she had known for well over 5 years & known them before me. Just cut them off & acted like they never existed. When I decided I needed to move out, we talked about using the time to work on us. She ended up getting cold & distant, stopped responding to my calls & texts. Said I had a abandoned her & has now started to act like I don't exist & we were never married. After a few months of that I decided to file for divorce, I refuse to spend the rest of my life chasing someone like that, gotta be happy while you're alive.

Pretend_Line6688 · 2024-07-22T16:19:00+00:00

One of the things I'll avoid in future relationships is anyone who doesn't align w/ me s3xually. The ex likes to twist my words & use this against me but I always said that I knew we were on different pages but I hoped we grow & explore together over the years. She took that as me going into the marriage under false pretenses & trying to change her. I just meant we were young her early 30s, me mid 30s, if we're gonna spend our lives together why wouldn't we be open to exploring? Especially if I didn't mean anything extreme.

TheWormTurns22 · 2024-07-22T15:29:43+00:00

If only we'd had the interwebs decades ago when seeking marriage. Just be aware there are far too many Borderline Personality or Narcissistic Personality Disorder womens out there, and you can learn more about it and watch for the signs. A big one is compassion. How does she treat you or others who are suffering. Don't marry these.

No-Profit-1027 · 2024-07-22T00:15:31+00:00

Green flags:

Must be God fearing. Must have similar net worth and earnings. Must be willing to discuss and execute prenuptial agreements. Must get along with my kids. Must be willing to stay away from social media. Must not be overweight. Must be intelligent and able to engage in different topics of conversation. Must love me more than I love her. Must not be a feminist Must be willing to let me lead and not be argumentative. Must believe in traditional gender roles. Must be a unicorn.😉

Bronze_age_dad · 2024-07-21T23:05:28+00:00

From personal experience with some girlfriends:

Comes from a dysfunctional family, or is neglected by her father.

Comes from a rich family and was showered in money, knows how to spend but not earn and save.

Has no hobbies and constantly skips from one interest to another, is easily bored and never satisfied.

Displays feminist ideas.

Her friends are sluts, even if she isn't (or claims she isn't).

Thinks "she's not like the other girls" and sees herself "special".

Love bombs you and wants to sleep with you before she got to know you on a deeper level.

Self harms, has a lot of piercings or tattoos.

Has body image and other mental issues.

Is overweight.

Cannot debate sensitive topics, gets emotional and shuts down conversation.

Spends a lot of time on social media.

Does drugs.

Has a lot of pets (usually more than 2 cats).

Doesn't want children.

Spent her 20s boasting on social media how she's still not married and is enjoying life.

Aspiration to travel the world, especially if it's some dangerous, unsafe places.

Uses dating apps.

Doesn't get along with people at work.

WindowFuzz · 2024-07-21T22:35:28+00:00

Rather than think about red flags, it is healthier to think about "green flags". Sometimes if we look for something negative, like a red flag, we can overcompensate and create that negativity. Here is my list of green flags which is drawn from the book Gatekeepers: A Tactical Guide to Commitment (an excellent book about picking a high quality female partner):

Clarity in Communication: Ability to express herself clearly with reliable communication skills, inquisitive
Emotional maturity: Does not engage in chaotic relationships which lack composure, or try to create a "Shame based relationship" which undermines a man's dignity
Resilience: Playful curiosity, flexibility, creativity, reframe problems as growth opportunities
Shared values re finances, travel, family
Joy: Able to experience Joy and love; has a capacity for self-love and a positive self image. Someone that you are happy to see and who is happy to see you, every day.

david10277 · 2024-07-21T21:52:37+00:00

After a divorce..these 2 words ".future wives" will never be something I put together again.

Why would you even think about potentially reliving this ordeal.

HoneydewLeading7337 · 2024-07-21T20:13:30+00:00

Biggest red flag in a woman is being interested in me.

If they're interested in me they probably have a fairly accurate assessment of their own social value (low), and accurate assessment of mine (very low).

pooptartone · 2024-07-21T20:02:57+00:00

First red flag….. they are a woman.

Techdude_Advanced · 2024-07-21T17:12:39+00:00

Just don't live with them. Some or most can pretend for a long time until they move in. And when they do you will most likely end up losing all or half of your assets and you would spend years trying to understand the why.. Doing this saves you from 85-90% of all the red flags. Don't move them in and you will be safe. Your house should be for you and your kids after divorce.

Vivid-Juggernaut2833 · 2024-07-21T14:34:52+00:00

Any history of medication for mental illness, addiction or suicidal ideation. (The reason is that what she tells you is likely the tip of the iceberg, or there are more undiagnosed issues)

-facility with the legal system as a means of adjudicating disputes (restraining orders against neighbors, etc.)

-adherence to feminist ideology

-dysfunction or abuse amongst her parents, and residual evidence thereof (such as MIL & FIL sleeping separately)

The reason is that once you get married, she will consciously or unconsciously evaluate the marriage based on how happy she feels over time. If she has issues that prevent her from ever being happy, she will hold you or the marriage responsible, and seek counseling and/or divorce.

BaldieGoose · 2024-07-21T14:18:40+00:00

Lack of genuine desire. My current girlfriend will drive an hour out of the blue because she wants to fuck me so badly. My ex wife even when we were dating was not very sexual.

karavan7 · 2024-07-21T13:32:17+00:00

This is the divorced men with baggage thread. The answers are about our individual experiences with women who hurt or disappointed us. Why get married? You learned some lessons from the previous marriage. Anything you want from a marriage contract, you can get without one.

Boomhower113 · 2024-07-21T13:07:12+00:00

Just a reminder to the boys that big tits have an uncanny ability to block the view of red flags.

That’s what got me.

PeerSifter · 2024-07-21T12:10:26+00:00

Look at her credit report.

rb5775 · 2024-07-21T11:21:48+00:00

Watch closely for the ability to accept responsibility. Lots of people are incapable of accepting responsibility of any type. Everyone and everything is to blame for them not getting what they want or for anything negative that happens.

zoneoftheendersHD · 2024-07-21T11:11:52+00:00

An ex-bf that she still talks to despite them being violent. Run for the hills.

GunzANDButta · 2024-07-21T09:52:15+00:00

Career women, any woman that does NOT want children or wishes to delay having them until she’s reach the pinnacle of success (in her own view)
Any “power couple” seeking women, any woman that has to be in charge or “the mom” of her friend group, nurses (and most medical field careers), most teachers, flight attendants, etc.
Any woman that wants to be a SAHW but doesn’t posses the qualities to be a successful one ie treats household duties like they’re the loftiest task in the world and like their job (that they signed up for) is soooo difficult (drags her feet with everything, hates cooking, doesn’t clean as well nor as often, etc this will trickle down into a blatant lack of sex/intimacy for you).
Women that need to/ have to have the last word
Women that have “it all figured out”, she needs to believe in your plans/goals, and if she’s got it all figured out, she’ll be a terrible co-pilot, have terrible following skills and will go against the grain too often, if you see this RUN
Women that aren’t naturally in tune with you. Most guy will force a connection based off of attraction, and that leaves you susceptible to running into a leech that will suck you dry of your resources (both internal and external) and then leave you the moment you no longer entice her or benefit her as much as she feels you should
Women that have poor relationships with their parents, especially their father. He may not have been absent in her life in some cases, and guys jump at that hoping for something different, BUT the dynamics of their relationships should still be placed at the forefront of your decision making, as she treats her father, she’ll for sure, eventually, treat you.
Women that have copious amounts of trauma and battle scars (will not elaborate)
Women that were/are promiscuous, high body counts, etc if she’s loose and free with the most precious thing in the world (her body) then surely this is NOT the kinda woman you need.

Squidgy68 · 2024-07-21T09:45:53+00:00

So when I met my wife 20yr ago I had no idea what red flags where and also I was very nieve now we are divorcing and I learned about red flags maybe these things would have stopped me even spending a night with her

1 Bipolar 2 Tried Suicide 2x 3 Body Dismorphia 4 Self Harmer 5 Adhd 6 Addictions to Drugs & Alcohol 7 Anxiety 8 Very Needy 9 Very Jealous

Spent 20yr of my life thinking I could fix all those things what a waste.

Benzon22s · 2024-07-21T08:25:25+00:00

Never get married, just have kids! Raise your kids right that is all you need, you will never get that bond from a wife as you do with your own children, hence wives are like 80% who initiate the divorce! Not worth it to get married just to be let down and have to pay them bc they don’t want you …how F is that

DarbyCreekDeek · 2024-07-21T07:04:09+00:00

If she has no chill. If she’s always on about something and always yammering away and planning and scheduling and constantly interacting that is not a good sign that she is a candidate for a lifetime of 1 on 1.

frogmicky · 2024-07-21T06:13:20+00:00

My red flags are she's rushing to get married. She has no job or hobbies no friends either at least have one. She compares herself to her friends that's a bad sign.

Training_Ad1368 · 2024-07-21T05:41:37+00:00

Just listen to her. If she doesn't want to live together before marriage. She wants to hold sex until the wedding. Is she a person of career?, does she have a job or love what she does for a living? To many fears or fobias, insecurities.

Weird behaviors are a sign that she may not be ready for adult responsibilities and she may never will. If you think that there is something weird with her character leave, don't stay because of sex or for lack of options.

NilEntity · 2024-07-21T05:19:26+00:00

Personal experience: someone unstable, who melts down at every slight criticism or even imagined criticism (she did that already before we got together, everyone in our friend group was aware; I just figured I could deal with it because I loved her .... ). Although the larger issues were that she was a terrible communicator, avoiding conflict (thus no warning pre-divorce until it was already too late) and always wanted "more", never satisfied. Unfortunately both of those only became obvious in the marriage, not before.

ajanty · 2024-07-21T05:11:54+00:00

Daddy issues/high bodycount/history of betrayals/been consistently a party girl

Grand-Expression-493 · 2024-07-21T05:06:04+00:00

From personal experience, stay away from someone who is not self sufficient, and always sheltered by the parents. They have emotional maturity of a 5 year old and will flake on you as soon as the party stops and real life begins.

No-Asparagus6937 · 2024-07-21T04:43:38+00:00

Look at her family! If its dysfunctional she comes with baggages. Also the mask! If she is playing too nice with other people and then accuses them behind their back.

Pro-IDGAF · 2024-07-21T04:40:27+00:00

well….when i was dating my future ex in our early 20’s she told me she only dates men her dad hates. whatta retard i was.

XingTianMain · 2024-07-21T03:34:28+00:00

I would suggest flipping the equation and making your position unassailable. Own your home and your assets outright. Set up necessary surveillance systems. Then acquire whatever lady you want and have babies with her if you desire. You really only need to hedge against the family court system.

Surveillance to record her freakouts (hedge against false abuse claims and solid evidence to stop the victim narrative)

Assets owned and in your name prior to marriage (you have a firm base post-divorce to rebuild)

Everything else can and statistically will be lost no at some point no matter who you pick.

Financial-Builder-92 · 2024-07-21T03:16:46+00:00

Seeing a Therapist 2. Daddy issues 3. Blames past wrongs on all other parties 4. On any kind of behind-the-counter meds for mental state 5. Crazy with controlling money and hiding it 6. Lies about where they were 7. Always on their cellphone and hiding it on them at all times 8. Spend countless hours focused on themselves on makeup, needing constant attention 9. Fake Nice- they put on a mask of being nice but in reality they are mad 10. Playing the victim all the time

All of these are my top 10 that I learned from other women and there are more. People don't show who they really are until you live with them or you are married. It is critical that you watch for micro reactions of their body language to see who they really are. Even then, you never truly know someone until you divorce them. That is why you get a prenup and cover every area of your life with a good attorney.

Cheap_House8696 · 2024-07-21T03:13:41+00:00

Oh man could I name a few,

Long history of broken relationships with friends family.

Never ever takes responsibility for any of their actions every job they get fired from its someone else's fault, every fight with friends or family theyre the assholes.

Constant paranoia someone is out to get them, my mom brings over pizza how dare she being over food that's because she hates my cooking.

Constant contest to whose doing "better" in life. I'll never forget when I got passed over for a promotion, "I hope this has humbled you aren't as good as your think you are."

Inability to hold a job, and always getting in fights and arguments at work.

Zero self reflection

Stubborn zero compromise

Manipulative and controlling

Cannot get along with your family (this one was an obvious red flag idk what I was thinking)

Never having your back

Zero privacy in your relationship, MIL knew everything that was going on.

Absolute slob when they lived alone, id clean her apartment more than she did.

Her family treats you like dogshit.

Super overbearing parents.

Constantly finding things you absolutely need to do, and within 1 day of doing it there's something new that absolutely needs to be done.

Absolutely useless with the most mundane things, claimed to not know how to use the printer or order something from Amazon.

Everything is black and white, you're either her best friend love of her life or you're the worst person alive and that would flip on a daily basis

Onedayatatime1990 · 2024-07-21T03:04:26+00:00

Some women should come with a warning label that states “In need of a lot of attention” so that men know to walk right past them.

rushed_thoughts · 2024-07-21T02:58:58+00:00

For me, it’s the kind of girls she is friends with. Most of my stbx’s girl friends have been divorced once/twice/three times. The ones she is closest to only date well off guys, break up with them at the first sign of trouble and move on to their next sugar daddy within weeks, if not days, of breaking up.

Sad thing is that stbx always called her friends gold diggers (behind their backs) but as it turned out, she herself was gold digger who is now dating a rich doctor 20 years older than her. I found out that all her friends encouraged her actions all along the way. Some friends!

Mannydoodle · 2024-07-21T02:49:48+00:00

Literally anything that you think of as a red flag and I don’t how cute the girl is how good the sex is. That red flag will never go away

Glittering-Cat3316 · 2024-07-21T02:46:33+00:00

Don't marry slobs who are comfortable accumulating random junk and trash. It's a core personality trait and cannot be rehabilitated.

HereinPA1 · 2024-07-21T02:10:57+00:00

Past infidelity

If there’s a relationship with her Dad - my ex’s wasn’t really in her life

How many divorces did she go through as a kid - my ex MIL was on her 3rd marriage.

Refers to her ex as a narcissist - I, of course, have been labeled as one by her.

If she’s an avoidant. STAY AWAY, nothing good will come from it. It’s like you’re in a relationship with nothingness.

This_Train340i · 2024-07-21T02:10:54+00:00

You'd have to be a fool to consider getting married it this day and age. Don't marry, instead just enjoy your turn while it lasts because it ain't going to last forever. Even that can be too exhausting. Better plan is to have a fun life on your own terms without the constant nagging and call an escort when the need arises.

rickyspanish12345 · 2024-07-21T02:09:21+00:00

Neediness

Gets attached to you super quick

Shows possessiveness

Everyone she dated previously was a terrible person according to her

captainchippsixx · 2024-07-21T01:46:07+00:00

-Mom is divorced - family is bad people -Her close friends are 304’s -She has a list of guy friends -She is heavy into social media - and showing herself -she lives beyond her means- looking for a resource daddy bf - she wants to move in with you too quickly - attached to her phone - girls nights and weekends when she is exclusive - wants a relationship but wants to club and party still with out you. - talks about open relationships - she is almost 30 and pushing for wedding - single moms

I’m sure there is about 50 more I’m not thing of

producechick · 2024-07-21T01:43:07+00:00

Doesn't have a job or always loses one means you are her new ATM it won't ever get better

Needs to be everywhere you are means you will never have guy time alone with your friends again but will have to be with hers

Rude to the men in her family means you're next and always watch how the mother acts to her husband because she will be the same to you

Single friends who want to party, sleep around, and bash everyone else in a relationship means it will still happen, but now it's you who they're talking about when they're mad. Also, these types of friends encourage cheating and divorce

I'm not sure what else right now, but I'm sure there's a bunch more. If you want me to delete this I will

Complicatedlogic · 2024-07-21T01:37:52+00:00

If she pushes you to get married sooner than you’re ready to. She should want you to be ready just like you should want her to.

src670 · 2024-07-21T01:35:59+00:00

Say she is "blunt" That equals disrespect

Strict-Front-2375 · 2024-07-21T01:27:35+00:00

I'd say a promiscuous past, I suppose, as overlooking that in my ex ended up biting me hard.

Though, it's nothing you'd get honesty out of, so you can't exactly eliminate it, just minimize it.

NewDay0110 · 2024-07-21T01:20:05+00:00

I think the biggest red flag is if she's willing to bind you into a contract that she can break at any time which will initiate legal proceedings where she will take half of your assets, you may have to move out of any home you purchased, your character will be put on trial, and you will only get to see your kids on the schedule the court decided is appropriate (50% at best), and you will owe the person you marry large sums of your income for many years to come. And the court may also decide that you pay for her legal expense as well.

Flashy-Excitement247 · 2024-07-21T01:12:08+00:00

Learn how to recognize the signs of mental illness when you are young. This will serve you in life, perhaps more than anything else.

Embarrassed-Steak331 · 2024-07-21T00:56:34+00:00

Potential but no proven record.

Honestly, if you marry young, it’s difficult not to fall into this trap. Mine went from prestigious university and promising career to low income and indifferent.

Bretweir_jerky · 2024-07-21T00:48:18+00:00

Are her parents divorced? What’s her body count? This includes attitude toward sex And if all else fails DONT EVER GET MARRIED

Scharmane · 2024-07-21T00:46:10+00:00

Asking for money
Look at her mother and think, if she is attractive ro you, if you would be in her age. The probability, that your girl will tend in this direction is high.
No own hobbies or gave them up to have more time for you. Same for friends.

blckshp55 · 2024-07-21T00:44:05+00:00

Cats

Uuuuuii · 2024-07-21T00:26:51+00:00

A vagina

GigaFastTwin · 2024-07-21T00:26:24+00:00

How well they get along with their fathers.

Borntadoodishes · 2024-07-21T00:24:00+00:00

There’s plenty of red flags to choose from, but a lot of people in here have experienced behavior changes immediately after the wedding or long after sinking into commitment. Then you are screwed once again.

My thoughts are it is not worth it. Especially if you already have kids and are split custody.

LostPhase8827 · 2024-07-21T00:21:25+00:00

I'd just say enjoy it while it lasts.

Title	Red flags in possible future wives!
Author	ooomn57
Upvotes	38
Comments	156
Date	July 21, 2024 12:11 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1e89iyf/red_flags_in_possible_future_wives/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/red-flags-in-possible-future-wives.1524838 https://theredarchive.com/post/1524838

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