When it comes to snooping & men hiding things from their SO. The truth hurts! Let us normalize "snooping".

Ok_Meringue9724 · 2021-05-25T10:59:58+00:00

I had a friend who's SO went to Florida for a friend's trip and she didn't think much of it. When he came back, she realised he was a little distant and cold towards her. She finally decided to check his phone one day and in his friend's groupchat, there were images and videos of him kissing and touching other women. All of his "boys" were saying really dirty things about him and that girl and my friend was PISSED. They had a huge argument and broke up. Had she not seen that, she probably would have been under the impression that it was her fault. 😣

Galileo_Spark · 2021-05-25T11:40:21+00:00

If he’s screeching and whining about how women shouldn’t snoop in the early stages of meeting you, he‘s got something to hide. He’s preemptively smearing snoopers so that you never discover his cheating, porn use, etc.

Waste-Win · 2021-05-25T12:32:25+00:00

"I've been cheating on you since the day one because the truth is I want to be married with you because it benefits me, but I still want to look for women outside our marriage"

And then, They expect you to be like "Oh It was probably so sad to keep this from me all these year, poor baby".

CaliforniaKed · 2021-05-25T11:38:14+00:00

This has saved me in every major relationship I’ve had. Even friends give me a hard time about it, like it’s some moral failure to care about self-preservation.

ThrowRA_lantern · 2021-05-25T10:09:48+00:00

The truth: they don’t want to be in a relationship with you.

How they express it: Gaslighting, negging, arguments, ghosting, demanding unrealistic expectations, mood swings, future-faking, abuse, following insta models / only fans, cheating and then proceeds to blame all his behaviour on you and saying it’s all your fault 🤡

He might be able to get out of the relationship (he might not if you’re persistent), and as a result he’s broken the poor woman. Nice.

Zurflu · 2021-05-25T13:39:45+00:00

Just throwing in a little tid bit: on an iPhone if you go to settings -> battery you can see which apps someone has used in the last 24 hours or the last 10 days. If they have deleted an app they used it will show up as "deleted app". The real app will appear on the list to replace "deleted app" if you redownload whatever app it was!!! Very useful. Also if you go to the App Store -> click user profile pic -> purchased -> not on this device you can see which apps might be the deleted app. Keep in mind the dates shown on this screen are the dates of the first time the app was ever installed, not the last time it was installed. It's kind of like checking someone's "screen time" except you can't turn it off or delete anything from it!

veruscka · 2021-05-25T13:50:49+00:00

Men say women can’t handle the truth yet men are the ones that absolutely lose their minds if they are the ones cheated on. I mean, how many news articles have I read where a man murders his gf/wife and the man she had an affair with because he found out? How many men execute their whole family and/or go on a killing spree because their feelings were hurt? Also every woman I know who “snooped” through their partner’s found what they were looking for, unfortunately. :(

inflingbio · 2021-05-25T10:07:20+00:00

The oldest lie of fuckbois:

I didn't want to hurt your feelings.

Translation:

I didn't want to deal with the justified consequences of my shitty actions.

_electrafire · 2021-05-25T16:11:12+00:00

NORMALIZE SNOOPING AND STOP THE “mUh pRiVaCy” propaganda!

Crafty_Collar8183 · 2021-05-25T11:25:13+00:00

If you're ever missing things, there is a high chance that the LVM (or LVW) took them. They do this because 1) if it was something expensive or decent looking, they gifted to someone else 2) they don't want you to leave so they take away necessary documents 3) they don't want you to have something nice. They will act like they're innocent or don't know what you're talking about.

Lavender_flow · 2021-05-25T16:05:13+00:00

Also for the lurkers: My boyfriend can check my phone all he likes, I have no things to hide. I am not a liar or pornaddict like you sad-sacks, so stop projecting and go to fucking therapy. I don't have any men in my DM's on social media, because the ones that slide in- I show him, we laugh and then they get promptly blocked/deleted. Just because you lurkers have no fucking integrity, morals or values, it does not mean the rest of us are the same as you- Newsflash: we are better people than you are. So fucking die mad about it.

Blindtothesided · 2021-05-25T12:56:36+00:00

Omg I needed this post. I feel so fucking validated right now.

So, I've talked about my broken engagement quite a bit on here lately but there's one big thing that I've never mentioned bc I've been experiencing extreme guilt about it. First, let me say, I have never in my entire life snooped on anyone's phone. Not in any relationship ever. But several months ago my now-ex fiance was acting incredibly shady.

I didn't snoop on his current phone. But his old phone (we'd just replaced ours about three months earlier) was at our house and he called me one day and asked me to look up a phone number in it for him. Until then I didn't even know his password bc I'd declined when he offered it. I really, really do believe in respecting others' privacy.

So I looked up the phone number and then I gave in to temptation and checked his texts for a certain ex-gf who kept fucking calling him.

And this is something I've never admitted to a single person. I found a picture he'd sent her of his new tattoo. Pictures taken in my bathroom. They were just of his chest and of the tattoo but my ex hates taking pictures and in all the time we were together he never sent me a single selfie. Also, the picture was taken on the day we had our first major fight.

I was devastated. There wasn't anything particularly flirtatious in the accompanying messages (aside from her going on and on about how much she looooved it ugh) but his side of the conversation was fine, aside from sending the pic. Also, I do know this ex is married. There were some texts talking about his and my upcoming wedding (the one we canceled) and everything was pretty aboveboard but I couldn't get past the fact that he'd sought outside validation that way in the middle of our first fight. To me, it was a betrayal. And I do realize that most people would say it's nothing and most people would say the fact that I snooped was far worse, which is why I've never told anyone (aside from my ex) that I did it. But this right here is exactly why I fucking love FDS so much. Because here I feel validated in following my gut and not accepting this as okay. To me, it was a symptom of an underlying issue. I'd stopped trusting him. And with good reason because he wound up lying to me about several things and this was the root cause of our breakup.

There are still so many nights that I lie in bed and wonder if I made a mistake, because I still love him more than I've ever loved anyone. But then I remember the sick feeling in my gut the day I saw that photo and the hurt in realizing he'd never once sent me a pic of himself, not for any reason. And I know that the decision to cancel the wedding and end the relationship was the right one. And I'll be honest, seeing this post this morning brought on a few tears - because it feels so damn good to be validated after feeling like a truly terrible person for breaking my own rule of not invading my partner's privacy.

Had I not snooped, I'd have been married three weeks ago. And I would be married to a fucking liar who would be gaslighting me for the rest of my life.

ButterfliesHurricane · 2021-05-25T10:01:57+00:00

I never understood the ‘that’s invasive of my privacy’ argument - which by the way only seems used by cheaters in the first place. Ok so what about your behaviour? Shall I just ask you: are you cheating? Having an emotional affair? Engaging in sexual behaviours real or virtual outside our relationship? So that you can reassure me you’re not and proceed to gaslight me 🤔? I’m now increasingly thinking I’d like an open phone policy in my next relationship.

Professional-Ad-457 · 2021-05-25T13:49:55+00:00

I’ve always had a snooping policy when my intuition tells me something is up. I’ve always found something so although my heart beats really fast and I hate the physical snooping because it is so stressful (normally needs to be done quickly when they’re in the shower or something) I have never regretted doing it. I’ve always discovered lying/cheating/disrespect which I would have been ignorant of otherwise. I don’t tell them I’ve snooped just dump them or bring the issue up some other way. The only time snooping hasn’t served me was with my ex husband. I’d check his phone and be reassured that I didn’t find anything. It was years later I discovered he had a second phone. Looking at the phone bill of the second phone showed me the extent of his cheating.

_electrafire · 2021-05-25T22:43:10+00:00

These scrotes feel entitled to shoot their sperm inside of us but if we look inside their iPhones we’ve “violated” them.

seraphinelysion · 2021-05-25T15:09:06+00:00

Lmao. Yup. LVX hid information from me because he didn't know how to tell me and was afraid of my response. My response was to divorce his dumbass.

ShieldMaidenLagertha · 2021-05-25T12:40:46+00:00

For sure. Next time I’m definitely snooping. I had a LVM ex and found out he was cheating. I could have ended things and gotten out of there much faster if I had snooped. Definitely snoop. Time is precious!

cantstuntbikerbitch · 2021-05-25T11:50:57+00:00

Yessssss. Why is it bad to snoop? If you are sketched out by us going through your phone you're probably hiding something.

Colour_riot · 2021-05-25T15:14:28+00:00

My ex got angry when I pointed out that Instagram was suggesting those types of accounts for me to follow bcuz he liked so many of their pictures and stories.

LVM will call you a snooper because they can't handle social media algorithms

XxShykatxX · 2021-05-25T21:27:45+00:00

I decided to go through my ex's phone after noticing a change in behavior from him and our friends. They used to be so happy for us when suddenly they stopped talking to me completely. Figured something was fishy and found many text messages of him talking really badly about me to them and they just blindly supporting him that I am a toxic human being, immature and not right for him. I asked him about it, he denied it till I told him to cut the c**p. He said he doesn't regret 'venting' to them about problems he avoided talking to me about and allowing these people to say really nasty labels while just agreeing with them about who they think I am like they're some psychologist who studied behaviors and know the signs. Don't need a psychology degree to understand how toxic it truly is if you're talking badly behind someones back but only nice things to their face. Dude couldn't get himself straight, said I wasn't toxic and really did not feel that way yet the texts to about four different people say I am. This is a 1 vs 4 kinda deal, it's not brain surgery to know what he really felt. I ended up leaving very heartbroken because of the blindsidedness of the problems since he always acted and said things were going amazingly, yet very glad I decided to look through his phone even if he had the audacity to tell me I breached his privacy and all this nonsense about how I am at fault. He was defensive, a knee-jerk reaction to remove the spotlight off him onto me because he's shielding himself from self-doubt and guilt. Now I make it known that if a partner is not willing to open up his phone for me whenever I need, I don't get with them or stay. If they want to hide their phone and claim it's a "privacy" issue, I tell them to their face they're trying to sell me a scam and I ain't buying.

One-Strength-5394 · 2021-05-25T15:23:19+00:00

Personally, I wouldn't want someone looking through my phone because I have personal info on it like banks, electronic journal, fitness progress pics, etc. But from the other stories it seems like men aren't worried about that lol.

AlwaysHeartbrokenG · 2021-05-25T13:10:55+00:00

Actually if a Queen is with a HVM, snooping doesn’t exist. Because the HVM will be open about everything. The password, the phone, any devices available.

Don’t ever stay with a man who tried to hide their things from you.

uptownzara · 2021-05-25T14:22:01+00:00

So true. My ex and I had an open phone policy, and yet I still found him shit talking me and telling literal lies to make himself sound like a big “alpha” to his cop friend. I saw he said “what’s the point of being in a relationship?” and welp, careful what you wish for, because I immediately kicked him out. His friend had suggested he tell me “I can fuck plenty of women so if you don’t straighten out I will,” which I still regret not letting my ex try to say to me. I would have laughed until I passed out.

2021-05-25T19:17:43+00:00

I actually ended up dumping my ex-boyfriend because I happened to see his passcode or maybe he even gave it to me I can't remember, and I stored it in my mind for multiple months gas lighting myself that all of my anxiety was my own mental illness and couldn't possibly be because of my boyfriend because of how wonderful he was, right?

Well looking back I can definitely say it was God but you may call it intuition or something, but I was awoken suddenly in the middle of the night, like 2:00 a.m. just absolutely suddenly woke up and felt compelled to take his phone and look through it. I actually caught him cheating pretty recently and then having all of his gross accounts and gross p*** website history.

So ladies, I think next time I would just take the intuition and not even bother going through the phone.. I turned away from God when I was 14 but I recently turned back at the age of 25 and I do trust that our intuition or God or whatever is guiding us at all times. I also used to take a huge amount of medication for "anxiety" but now I am on zero medications and the top renowned psychiatrist in the country has confirmed that I do not actually have mental illness, but I did have some eating disorder and PTSD from my abusive mother in my childhood.

Honestly I've been single for the past year but I think I'm just going to keep on being single unless I meet one of these really fantastic guys that we all know, whether it's your friend's dad or somebody else. Don't you just know one really fantastic guy where he just seems so wonderful and he's a true family man and you know he would never cheat or do anything to ever hurt his wife? Yeah unless I have that guy I don't want him.

ivy176 · 2021-05-26T07:38:00+00:00

I've snooped. I trust my husband as much as I could trust someone, but there are times where you just need cold hard evidence too.

I looked at his history, not because I thought he was cheating but because I was concerned about what was going through his mind. He has anxiety and he sometimes goes through phases of severe distress and obsessive thinking, as do I. We already had each other's pins because it's just easier when you want to search something or call a restaurant and your phone's on charge in another room etc.

Now I did find a search that was concerning (nothing to do with cheating or any other kind of immoral behaviour, just regarding his mental health). I went to him about it, told him I skimmed through a few months of his history. He didn't love it, he felt a bit embarrassed because they are his personal anxiety ridden google searches. But I still have access to his devices and he has access to mine, he didn't find it to be some kind of serious betrayal or anything like that. He was surprised that I thought sonething was so off, because he thought he was doing a great job of hiding what he was struggling with.

I'd do the same with kids or a parent. Yeah I respect their privacy and I'm not on a mission to know everyone's secret personal thoughts but sometimes you're concerned. And if someone found evidence of cheating then their intuition was correct and you can't blame them for "snooping" in that case. But of course it's also wrong to monitor a partner if they have done nothing wrong, and extreme jealousy and being possessive aren't healthy things. But if there's nothing major to hide and it's a very occasional check in based on unusual behaviour, well I wouldn't blame my husband if he did a quick history check or looked at some texts, if I seemed really abnormal and was struggling, so I don't see anything wrong with doing it in those situations. So long as there is no nasty intent and the relationship is healthy.

breadandbunny · 2021-05-25T14:06:42+00:00

This is so true! She worded it well.

QueenCrownn · 2021-05-25T23:48:08+00:00

This is true facts!!

katathe · 2021-05-26T07:26:32+00:00

Sorry, but if he puts a password in that you don’t know, he has something to hide...

Title	When it comes to snooping & men hiding things from their SO. The truth hurts! Let us normalize "snooping".
Author	Lavender_flow
Upvotes	2807
Comments	147
Date	May 25, 2021 9:50 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/nklvy0/when_it_comes_to_snooping_men_hiding_things_from/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/when-it-comes-to-snooping-men-hiding-things-from.756178 https://theredarchive.com/post/756178

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