Almost anything a man does can screw him over in dating

AloneOnTheStrange · 2023-02-07T09:38:45+00:00

This isn't a statement on being screwed over in dating. This is just how people colour you differently on how they feel towards you.

If they don't like you, everything is seen in a bad light. Which is what your examples show. If they do like you, everything is seen in a good light.

The opposite can be true. If she likes you, your doting isn't simping, it's being caring and generous. Your touchy feely isn't creepy, it's affectionate. Your autistic traits aren't weird, they're unique and quirky.

Peacesquad · 2023-02-07T06:46:51+00:00

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Fun_Push7168 · 2023-02-07T06:14:25+00:00

You might want to clarify that these were contradictions within the same person. Most people seem to think it's like a basic yeah, different people different tastes sort of situation.

ETA:

Either way, yes, it's a struggle for autists to resolve duality in people. Every "rule" a person has is generally selectively applied based on many factors.

Current mood, familiarity, looks, who else is around, environment in general, degree of severity etc.

ProfessorFelix0812 · 2023-02-07T12:54:49+00:00

If she’s into you, anything you do or say is funny and charming.

If she’s not into you, she will find a way to demonize you for anything you do/say.

gugabe · 2023-02-07T12:31:12+00:00

Girls are pretty ick-driven once you've passed the initial attractiveness barrier, though once you get through 3-4 dates there's usually a stockholm syndrome sort of a thing that takes place.

Also guys rejecting girls is different. Girls very 100-0, most don't really have the same 'fuckbuddy filter' that guys do of 'This girl is attractive enough to put my penis in but not girlfriend material'

Mrs_Drgree · 2023-02-07T06:39:28+00:00

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TheDustLord · 2023-02-07T15:14:09+00:00

Approaches women

“Just leave women alone! You’re not entitled to our time!”

Doesn’t approach women

“Grow a pair. Are you trying to live the rest of your life alone?”

Mrs_Drgree · 2023-02-07T07:24:05+00:00

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Round-Relative-7859 · 2023-02-07T17:30:54+00:00

You don't get it.

Women want to choose but they want to make YOUR fault. That way women can be WINNERS AND VICTIMS at the same time.

Men are such idiots that they fall for this shit test.

8won6 · 2023-02-07T19:21:23+00:00

A better way to look at it is if you're unattractive, everything you do can be deemed unattractive. Attractive guys get away with ALL the bad stuff. All the stuff listed in the OP will be turned into a positive for an attractive guy.

Salt_Mathematician24 · 2023-02-07T05:29:27+00:00

Yeah no tactics will work out 100% of women, so rather than trying to mould yourself into the ideal man you think the most amount of women would like, why not just become the best version of yourself and seek out someone you have things in common with?

Hot_Scale_6383 · 2023-02-07T22:53:54+00:00

this only applies to ugly or average lookijg guys. if you are good looking, then being nice means you are a gentleman and being an asshole means you are a ‘bad boy’ XD

rmb, women are exceedingly simple creatures. to arrive at the mind of a woman, all you need to do is add at the end of her sentences the qualifier: “but not if he is good looking”. XD

Common_Sense_Dudd · 2023-02-07T05:40:24+00:00

There's an element of truth in what you write, but similarly toxic things can also be said about women in relationships...

Is she looking commit? Well, eww she's looking to marry and I don't wanna be tied down.

Is she just looking to casually date around? Well, eww she's too promiscuous.

Does she have a good job? Well, eww she's too busy and stressed all the time - she's also just trying to wear the trousers.

Does she not have a good job? Well, eww she's just a gold digging parasite pursuing a man's money.

And so on.

I think these are all extreme protestations that different people may make on a case by case basis, when dating different people with their own uniwue imperfections. It proves that each person is an individual with their own preferences and flaws.

Neither men or women are some hive mind - so yes, different people disagree on how much they like someone and why. Some women may prefer a penniless but physically strong biker guy, whereas others may prefer a financially okay surfer dude, others may be looking for a successful suit-wearing banker type, while others may not care - as long as he is funny.

Sure they may be some problematic people out there who always find a reason to complain, but they're probably a minority. If you do meet such a judgemental and deeply unhappy person, consider cutting your losses and moving on.

anon35465768 · 2023-02-07T11:31:31+00:00

Women essentially spend much more effort looking for reasons not to fuck a guy than for reasons to fuck him. And it's natural. Once you fuck them a couple of times it starts reverting.

The solution is to not complain and just take the approach that these women aren't people but just numbers, like chess pieces on a board. You don't react with emotion to their rejection, you just assimilate the new info and continue with the next one.

Do you play poker? In poker you learn to not react to unlucky plays ("coolers") if you know the math that guided your decision was correct. On the long run a good player wins money.

You need to do the same with women, depersonalize them. The only woman you need to personalize is the woman you've already gotten. Getting girls for men is just like fishing (because women make it like that).

Flightlessbirbz · 2023-02-07T08:57:59+00:00

Honestly, this is what a lot of navigating life in general feels like when you’re autistic or neurodivergent in some way, or sometimes even if you’re not. So I don’t want to invalidate your experience, but I also don’t think it’s fair to act like this only applies to men dating women or that women are trying to be mean somehow.

Work and friendships are also filled with these seeming contradictions, as is dating men.

Sleep with him on the first couple dates?

Eww she’s promiscuous, not gf material.

Make him wait?

Uh oh she’s not really interested bro, trying to make you a beta bux.

Have a career?

I can’t fuck your career, all your eggs will be dried up by the time you’re ready for kids, you’ll die alone with cats!

Wanna be a stay at home mom?

Gold digger! Baby fever! She’ll take your kids and half of everything you worked for.

Dress sexy?

Slut! She’s wearing the “uniform” of a hoe and should be expected to be treated like one.

Dress modest?

Prude! You dress like a frumpy old grandma.

Then outside the dating world, you can be too friendly, not friendly enough, too serious, not serious enough, too talkative, too quiet, and on and on. This applies to both men and women. Even neurotypicals can’t and don’t always make everyone happy. It’s impossible. So the best bet is to try to learn social nuance as best as possible, and then just do your thing and don’t worry excessively about the people who don’t like it.

MarBitt · 2023-02-07T07:38:10+00:00

I recommend studying in this direction.

The golden mean or golden middle way is the desirable middle between two extremes, one of excess and the other of deficiency. It appeared in Greek thought at least as early as the Delphic maxim "nothing in excess", was discussed in Plato's Philebus. Aristotle analyzed the golden mean in the Nicomachean Ethics Book II: That virtues of character can be described as means. It was subsequently emphasized in Aristotelian virtue ethics.

For example, in the Aristotelian view, courage is a virtue, but if taken to excess would manifest as recklessness, and, in deficiency, cowardice.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Golden_mean_(philosophy)

Or from the point of view of spirituality:

The Middle Way (Pali: Majjhimāpaṭipadā; Sanskrit: Madhyamāpratipada) as well as "teaching the Dharma by the middle" (majjhena dhammaṃ deseti) are common Buddhist terms used to refer to two major aspects of the Dharma, that is, the teaching of the Buddha. The first phrasing (with "paṭipadā"), refers to a spiritual practice that steers clear of both extreme asceticism and sensual indulgence. This spiritual path is defined as the Noble Eightfold Path that leads to awakening. The second formulation refers to how the Buddha's Dharma (Teaching) approaches ontological issues of existence and personal identity by avoiding eternalism (or absolutism) and annihilationism (and nihilism).

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Middle_Way

Finding a healthy balance is challenging, but without it you always move in extremes. And extremes are harmful. When someone says they're cold and need more warmth, it's clear that you can't burn them and expect them to be happy. They just want a little more warmth. And it's similar with the things you mentioned. It is necessary to maintain a balance.

IHaveTrustIssues78 · 2023-02-07T14:29:47+00:00

Dating, period screws a man over.

solstice-sky · 2023-02-07T14:31:50+00:00

Word. I’m pretty good looking and I can tell you that being a mild mannered handsome gentleman will shoot you in the foot even if you are tall, successful, handsome, and shredded.

KayRay1994 · 2023-02-07T14:37:00+00:00

to be fair you can throw in the exact same thing with replacing some of the phrases above towards men - this behavior isn’t a gender specific thing at all.

And I do get it, being an autistic dude in this dating market 100% makes it harder to get your foot in the door, all i can really say here is keep at it, keep on working on yourself and you’ll find a girl who won’t find your collection laughable - hell, from my experience autistic girls would find that special interest stuff at the very least fun to talk about and indulge in, though they’re taught to mask heavily from a young age (which comes with SO many issues), so because of that they’re harder to find (which is a shame cause i do believe a major cause of issues for neurodivergent people in dating is the fact that we’re all told to ‘fix’ this side of ourselves instead of focusing on its advantages - ergo making neurodivergent men far more likely to be ignored, and neurodivergent women are far more likely to be abused/ taken advantage of)

Green-Quantity1032 · 2023-02-07T17:50:55+00:00

CMV: You've never been personally been told even 10% of those sentences.

xxsurferdude1234xx · 2023-02-07T18:27:44+00:00

10000%.

SerpentCypher · 2023-02-07T21:53:37+00:00

This is just how a woman responds to anything you do if she doesn't find you attractive.

The devil horns effects, opposite of the Halo effect.

If she thinks you are hot, all of those things are good and she will see the virtue in them. If she thinks you are beneath her, all of those things become a detriment and she will look to find nefarious intent in everything you say and everything you do.

Soloandthewookiee · 2023-02-07T05:58:14+00:00

It's because women aren't a monolith who will date you because you checked off the boxes, and personal qualities exist on a spectrum, not a binary.

bsmith440 · 2023-02-07T06:54:14+00:00

All that shit goes out the window with rules 1&2.

obviousredflag · 2023-02-07T08:23:16+00:00

Only an autistic niceguy would think that the goal in dating is to be the right person for everyone. If you are touchy-feely and she is not, then she is not the girl for YOU.

AnyIntroduction3288 · 2023-02-07T05:35:18+00:00

It’s almost like you need to be yourself so that you can find someone who loves you for who you are.

neetykeeno · 2023-02-07T05:53:29+00:00

Can't really blame someone for not wanting to do the thing that potentially makes babies with someone who clearly has a heaping serving of the genes that make babies with autism.

lwfstryc9 · 2023-02-07T06:45:58+00:00

Honestly, you could make a similar list for women. Different people want different things. Can't be everything to everyone.

Aubrey_D_Graham · 2023-02-07T06:44:37+00:00

Man, it's not that difficult.

Women often respond like this to test if you are witty and have a backbone. She wants cheeky banter.

If she's really not interested, she'll double down. That's your cue to walk away.

Edit: Ya'll are too focused on the cheeky banter. She will make it very obvious that she's not interested with cues like not giving hr name, short answers, and 'I have a boyfriend' type reply.

purplish_possum · 2023-02-07T12:26:32+00:00

What a guy does interaction wise is of surprisingly little importance.

These complaints are basically a woman's way of saying she's loosing attraction. If a the guy in question want to keep his woman he doesn't need to act better. He needs to go to the gym more.

wtknight · 2023-02-07T12:08:56+00:00

From an evolutionary perspective, women are looking for the future mate for their children. Of course they are going to be picky. Men just need to talk to a lot of women until they find one who likes them.

Diligent_Divide_4978 · 2023-02-07T05:40:07+00:00

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NoobSaw · 2023-02-07T07:41:43+00:00

Adjust your parameters to suit eachother? If beyond your limits break up?? Everyone's a whiny little bitch and think they deserve the idyllic, but as long as you identify the real dealbreakers, the rest doesn't matter.

jeanironplate · 2023-02-07T08:09:32+00:00

>not all women

The question is what woman? Who is saying this? You listed opposing preferences because they come from different women. It's like complaining "but guys say they like blondes but then guys say they like brunettes, noo what do men want."

If something is coming from the same person, they probably have an obvious reason for feeling differently at different times, or for wanting in between so they criticize both sides. I'd have to hear their explanation. Until I see an actual example of a problem, this means nothing.

EricFisherNo1 · 2023-02-07T09:24:20+00:00

wise words - so you might as well do what works best for YOU.

Notanothrshitthrow · 2023-02-07T10:29:50+00:00

Yep, humans are variable creatures and something that one person may find appealing may be unappealing to another person.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-02-07T11:55:19+00:00

It's almost like different women have different tastes and there's nothing all women are into. Not to mention that many may prefer an in-between expression of a trait rather than the extremes.

jingle_ofadogscollar · 2023-02-07T12:24:48+00:00

Men have the exact same options, right? To reject women any time for any reason?

Lift_and_Lurk · 2023-02-07T14:19:18+00:00

Yup. It’s almost like there isn’t a set pattern or formula and also each individual person has their own likes and desires and so there can’t be a “cheat code” that always works.

In other words it’s real people in the real world handling real socializing and real relationships.

Safinated · 2023-02-07T15:21:35+00:00

Yes, if you discount that people are different and the man is part of the equation

2023-02-07T15:23:48+00:00

men: AVOID dating problems by being a tall coke dealer with a violence problem

ambrosedc · 2023-02-07T17:39:49+00:00

Man I've had some pretty rotten luck with women myself but that's just... whew... I'm sorry man

Andre27 · 2023-02-07T17:48:19+00:00

The women who arent like that are exceptional women though, and they will never date people who these statements apply to anyways because theyve got better options.

Obviously exceptions to that also exist. But in general if a woman is better than this she has far more options than some mediocre looking awkward guy who will come off wrong no matter what he does.

Sea-Professional-594 · 2023-02-07T18:11:18+00:00

Or she's just not into you.

Ok-Expression7575 · 2023-02-07T18:49:44+00:00

This is why "just be yourself (but healthier)" is the final redpill. There is no silver bullet solution to appeal to all women. Appeal to the women that genuinely find YOU attractive as a human. If you love Magic the Gathering and Warhammer 40k, fucking send it.

That and take care of yourself and your environment. You don't need to look like a 6'3" Ronnie Coleman with the fashion sense of a male supermodel but just being decently fit and a kempt look goes a VERY long way.

Ohyarlysmiles · 2023-02-07T20:07:39+00:00

One that's fucked me over several times is confusing girls I'm talking with and accidentally send one a text meant for another.

It's like women have a 6th sense for when you're talking to other women or something because half the time they were innocuous comments....

Many first date meetups canceled this way.

JoeRMD77 · 2023-02-07T23:22:47+00:00

Nope, only desperate men are putting up with that stuff from women. When a woman tried that with me, I beat her ass until she left. Again, I can't identify with the incells.

Want2Grow27 · 2023-02-08T01:56:48+00:00

>BREAKING NEWS: Purple Pill man realizes different women can want DIFFERENT THINGS

Nihi1986 · 2023-02-08T03:08:25+00:00

Just become an impossible amalgamation of different, often contradictory, personalities, bro.

RX-HER0 · 2023-02-08T04:51:56+00:00

Meh, I feel that there's usually a balance to these things.

buttercreamandrum · 2023-02-08T17:49:31+00:00

Are these all things that have actually happened to you or are you making up hypothetical situations based on vague stories you’ve heard and getting mad at them?

EulenWatcher · 2023-02-07T05:54:02+00:00

I think it isn’t really gendered and it happens because different people are into different things. You can’t appeal to everyone. And then, of course, there are people with risk and contradiction preferences which are always fun to unravel.

AssistTemporary8422 · 2023-02-08T03:59:21+00:00

Basically your whole post is you trying to do these crazy extremes and predictably getting rejected? How about a middle ground between being an asshole and too nice, clingy and cold, too touchy and no touching, chivalrous and egalitarian, and between masking and authentic. You really need to get out of this black and white thinking.

SoldierExcelsior · 2023-02-09T02:05:02+00:00

HS dating doesn't count...

College barely counts.

But 38 year old women still act like that because most stop maturing after 16.

Title	Almost anything a man does can screw him over in dating
Author	Diligent_Divide_4978
Upvotes	139
Comments	291
Date	February 7, 2023 5:26 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/10vtq9u/almost_anything_a_man_does_can_screw_him_over_in/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/almost-anything-a-man-does-can-screw-him-over-in.1151659 https://theredarchive.com/post/1151659

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