Why are men expected to "chase?"

Specialist-Age9387 · 2026-01-06T03:02:29+00:00

Because women are more selective. Men are supposed to peacock and woo us with their looks, athleticism, intellect and charm. This is true throughout the entire animal kingdom. Women want the healthiest, strongest, relatively young man because that’s going to produce the best offspring and women spend over 9 months dealing with pregnancy and all its potential complications.

These are generalizations but they hold up most of the time.

kalashhhhhhhh · 2026-01-05T18:23:42+00:00

It's not that men have to pursue us. They just do it. I was literally never even in a position to do that because men voluntarily pursued me. It's probably because of their higher sex drive. When I'm out in public I never feel the urge to approach men with romantic intent, not even when I was single.

Proposing levels out the uneven burden women will take on during pregnancy and for the first year of the child's life a little bit.

Big-Bodybuilder-5035 · 2026-01-05T21:50:46+00:00

Because men want women more than women want men.

anna_alabama · 2026-01-05T18:41:47+00:00

I made the first move and established the relationship with my husband. It’s definitely not as uncommon as you would think, most couples just don’t talk about the origin of their relationship so you’d have no way to tell. He’s still traditional overall so he proposed to me, but I wouldn’t categorize any part of our relationship as him chasing me - I was definitely the one chasing him.

DenverKim · 2026-01-06T02:36:31+00:00

I think the term “chase“ is very much misused these days. I do not expect a man to chase me.

In fact, I don’t want him to. If I am running away from him or rejecting him, then he should leave me alone.

On the other hand, I am very much aware of the fact that if a man ACTUALLY likes you and is interested in you for more than just quick, easy sex, he will do things to show that he is interested in you… He will want to talk to you either via text or on the phone, he will want to see you in person and put in effort to make that happen, he will think about you when you are not there, he will do things to make it clear how he feels about you, and you won’t be needing to question whether he even likes you or not. If he’s not doing these things… Then he’s just not that into you.

The same way if a woman is not reciprocating, then she’s not into you either. But the reason women typically prefer that men put in some effort at first, is to confirm that the man actually likes her and wants something real with her, because they usually won’t bother doing that with women they aren’t that into… they’ll just string her along, wait for her to make all the plans and enjoy the easy sex until they find a better option. No woman wants to feel like this is how a man feels about her.

I do not believe that a man showing interest in a woman, communicating with her or being a “gentleman“ is even close to what I would consider “chasing”.

Seriously… The bar is really low these days. Men are not expected to “chase“ nearly the way they used to be. And they can’t even imagine that much without acting like they deserve a gold medal for “effort”.

Keep in mind that there is a massive difference between chasing and leading. They are essentially opposites. But women don’t even necessarily want men to “lead“ in the way most men assume they do… At this point, they really just want you to put in at least 50% of the effort, which based on my observations, is too much to ask from modern men.

belongtomee · 2026-01-05T18:44:18+00:00

Biology mostly. If a male wants the chance to mate, he needs to perform or provide. This is true in nearly every single species, especially mammals.

januaryphilosopher · 2026-01-05T18:47:01+00:00

Men and women aren't equal; they're not treated equally and are not given the same expectations which has repercussions for all aspects of their lives including what they're expected to do in order to "earn" a relationship. Many people may wish for sexism to be over but wanting it doesn't mean it's actually over. Both men and women glorify the chasing dynamic because we live in a sexist system where it is encouraged, and we can't destroy it simply by wishing otherwise. And, for the record, I actually personally know two/three women who proposed to men: one is me, one is a friend of my mum, and the third is a friend of mine who had a mutual proposal. I know too many women who made first moves to count.

p_fulga · 2026-01-05T17:44:43+00:00

I think it's just a leftover of what our culture has been like for ages. Its changing, but it's a slow going process. You'll find plenty of gals out there, myself included, who don't really give a shit about who does what ultimately. Or who have "atypical" preferences for these sorts of things. But you have to remember that its still a very shunned thing for us to be the ones doing these things. A lot of us get called skanks just for showing some leg, and if we actively hit on people then we get called whores. Hell if you make any sort of move and then get assaulted after the fact, kiss goodbye to that person ever seeing justice. There's a lot of incentive, both negative and positive, pushed onto women that keeps that status quo going. I'm not saying I agree with this idea, but there's a lot of things standing in the way of it. Its changing, but we're still very much in the thick of it.

I've always been the type to not care, I'll make a move if I want to, I'll treat my partner to a nice date or flowers or whatever, I'll happily get them a ring too like they want. Maybe its because I'm bi, maybe its because I don't really mind being in charge so to speak, but I've never had a problem with taking the lead or giving up the reins. Everyone should be willing to do a little of both.

GridReXX · 2026-01-05T18:42:18+00:00

Imo there are two main reasons why men are likely to chase that are biologically (bullet one) and evolutionarily (bullet two) baked:

.

One) Males have magnitudes more testosterone than females thus a more compulsive libido than females, so men are likely always going to be thirsty enough to seek out (“chase”) a way to satisfy that way before women get thirsty enough to start chasing.
Two) In majority of cases, heterosexual PIV sex can’t happen unless the man is doing something (erect and pumping), whereas the woman can be passive and even unconscious and a man could still get off. If we extrapolate that dynamic, then it makes sense women have evolved a sexual arousal preference for men who aren’t as passive as her. Women will send out IoIs and signals, but she expects the man she’s signaling to approach her. My hot take is a man doesn’t have to be the boldest man ever, he just needs to be slightly more bold than the specific woman he’s courting or dating if he wants the sexual attraction to maintain. Of course not all women are like this. But most are imo.

indalo21 · 2026-01-05T18:32:25+00:00

Because men want women more than women do. And men benefit off of relationships and sex more than women do. The men who are considered a catch do get pursued.

kalashhhhhhhh · 2026-01-05T18:23:56+00:00

It's not that men have to pursue us. They just do it. I was literally never even in a position to do that because men voluntarily pursued me. It's probably because of their higher sex drive. When I'm out in public I never feel the urge to approach men with romantic intent, not even when I was single.

Proposing levels out the uneven burden women will take on during pregnancy and for the first year of the child's life a little bit.

kalashhhhhhhh · 2026-01-05T18:24:09+00:00

It's not that men have to pursue us. They just do it. I was literally never even in a position to do that because men voluntarily pursued me. It's probably because of their higher sex drive. When I'm out in public I never feel the urge to approach men with romantic intent, not even when I was single.

Proposing levels out the uneven burden women will take on during pregnancy and for the first year of the child's life a little bit.

shortidiva21 · 2026-01-06T02:26:30+00:00

Because it serves a neurochemical purpose.

When women enter "pursuit mode", it runs the risk of subconsciously turning you off because of the way most men are biologically wired to fall in love — you fall in love during the time you are seeking to win her over, while you are AWAY from her, which releases the male bonding hormone Vasopressin, all while you are processing about how you feel about her, which continues to evolve as both of you continue to get to know each other. That is why women have to keep things at a moderately slow, steady pace so as to not ruin things and so that you don't burn out of Dopamine too fast, and then go looking for the next hot girl to pursue who is slightly more of a challenge.

As a male dating expert advised, "Men want TO WANT a woman." If a woman were to "pursue" you and were to tell you how much she desired and wanted you right out of the gate and threw herself at you during the first week of getting to know you, it would signal to your subconscious, "That was WAY too easy. Now what?", even though you might THINK that's what you want. All of this is especially true if you lean avoidantly attached & closeness triggers your nervous system: A woman trying to pursue you and handing her heart to you on a silver platter would register to you as icky because your mind would tell you, "It's getting too real too fast...I don't know that I'm ready for a relationship", and then you would pull back and make excuses as to why you've been busy lately.

Xiggyj · 2026-01-05T17:41:56+00:00

Because there are many women who want traditional gender roles to remain in their favor, it has everything to do with what benefits them. However, your fellow men adhere to this and play by the rules. Many men still believe they should approach women and they should pay for meals. So, a cultural shift has to take place to change this by both sides.

The-Cherry-On-Top-xx · 2026-01-05T22:26:01+00:00

Because women have to be pregnant for 9 montha, usually 2 or 3 tines. Healing also takes time.

I would rather chase than deal with pregnancy (which is why i never got pregnant).

LilRedMoon__ · 2026-01-05T21:36:00+00:00

because men said so.

Lysa_Bell · 2026-01-05T17:41:58+00:00

You dont have to.

I made the first move, I initiated the first meet up, I started the relationship conversation, I said "I love you" first and I proposed to my husband with a ring (didn't go down on one knee because he said his social anxiety would kick in too hard if I did that and it would ruin the moment).

My husband is incredible to me and a wonderful partner. So I did everything I could because I wanted him and keep wanting him.

Keep_calm_or_else · 2026-01-05T18:33:15+00:00

It's this way with every species of animal and humans are animals. The males initiate most things most of the time.

Besides, men don't respect women who chase or who try too hard.

ladybird_00 · 2026-01-05T18:20:44+00:00

Men have a biological drive to pursue women

mashedturnip · 2026-01-05T17:46:11+00:00

Because you’re easy and lazy, and care way more about sex

sablesalsa · 2026-01-05T23:19:26+00:00

Why is love something to be earned as a man through your actions but something you simply deserve as a woman?

This is not the dynamic I believe in, but I would think that when someone is chasing you, the assumption is that you're desirable enough in some way that you've already met these requirements. This doesn't mean you can't do anything to fuck it up, of course, but it's up to the man to prove himself now since he chose you.

why is the man supposed to make the first move, establish the relationship and give it that name, buy a ring and propose

The only thing I agree with here is the man proposing. I'm getting pregnant, I'm giving birth, I will probably sacrifice career growth in the future for the family. Even most marriage ceremonies are primarily about the woman if we're being honest ("ball and chain" and all that). The man can do this one thing to show his devotion to the relationship. The price doesn't even matter to me as long as the ring itself is chosen with care.*

As for the other stuff, I'm not against women initiating (I have cold approached before), but I prefer for the man to make the first move because I feel like it helps weed out men who don't put effort into relationships. But the guy needs to know that I want to be with him too, so I can't let him make every major decision by himself.

*as long as it isn't offensively cheap

Pitiful_Home5655 · 2026-01-06T13:22:19+00:00

Most men like most women and most women do not like most men. It really is that simple.

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2026-01-05T20:25:04+00:00

if men and women are equal

That “if” is doing a lot of heavy lifting.

The whole “men chase, women choose” thing comes from older setups where men had the money and power and women carried more risk. Men proved themselves, women were selective. Even though that world mostly doesn’t exist anymore, the script stuck.

ChadChasingBReturns · 2026-01-05T17:49:15+00:00

I pursued my husband. I also asked out numerous other men. I wasn’t waiting for men to approach me. I wasn’t interested.

Dependent-Tailor7366 · 2026-01-06T13:54:43+00:00

Because men want women more than women want men.

cb8585b · 2026-01-05T17:44:35+00:00

You don’t have to you can wait for a woman to initiate with you etc

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BKLD12 · 2026-01-06T22:03:13+00:00

Honestly, I think it's social expectation at this point.

Helpful_Set5358 · 2026-01-08T12:07:03+00:00

because you are offering your resources to the breeder in exchange for her womb and whatever it signifies in your head.

she has nothing to offer besides looking weak, i mean feminine, and offering intermittent reinforcement to lure you in whilst your hormones are active.

Helpful_Set5358 · 2026-01-08T12:22:55+00:00

I feel like this is a dating question, not really purple pill enough

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FairwayBliss · 2026-01-06T11:01:51+00:00

Because we are expected to choose.

belongtomee · 2026-01-09T00:11:17+00:00

You’re using the naturalistic fallacy and falsely applying it.

Males have more testosterone and a stronger sex drive. Females carry all the risk of pregnancy and birth. That’s literally it.

CanaryHeart · 2026-01-05T18:04:38+00:00

Crappy patriarchal norms.

Yupperdoodledoo · 2026-01-06T16:24:50+00:00

Feminists have been saying that for years. It’s because of patriarchy and if you refuse to date feminists you’ll continue to be caught up in those gender roles.

Title	Why are men expected to "chase?"
Author	Open-Quail-2573
Upvotes	48
Comments	266
Date	January 5, 2026 5:32 PM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1q4s3v7/why_are_men_expected_to_chase/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-are-men-expected-to-chase.1570491 https://theredarchive.com/post/1570491

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