Would women’s dating problems change if they had fewer suitors?

Novadina · 2026-02-12T00:24:11+00:00

I think it can, depending on how you filtered down to get less suitors. For example, I think only dating men you go to college with, and not online or bars, would narrow it down to at least men who are pursuing schooling and similar age, which could be higher quality than the population at large.

Kingcrow33 · 2026-02-12T11:19:22+00:00

More options are better than fewer.

From talking to women they don't see those as options because they preemptively put them in no bag. But those are in fact options.

There is also this crazy idea that women are of higher quality than men, so the limited options men have are better. They are not. They are of the same quality.

Corbast7 · 2026-02-12T03:10:16+00:00

Speaking as someone who’s never been on dating apps and never had multiple guys at the same time let alone in the same year for me to filter through…the quantity of suitors isn’t the central issue. Quantity just depends on how visible and accessible to approach a woman is.

The issue will always be that because of the supply and demand difference between men and women, men are relatively less likely to vet for “quality”. Men generally prioritizing quantity over quality means that no matter how many or how few suitors a woman has, women end up with more of the vetting burden anyway. And vetting is an uphill battle because it’s something you can truly only learn through experience and trial and error.

Vetting being our biggest issue is btw why the most useful dating advice women can give each other is centered on that. All other advice takes lower priority.

Flightlessbirbz · 2026-02-12T09:32:34+00:00

If the fewer suitors was due to more men collectively preferring to be single over dating women they didn’t like, yes, women’s dating problems would change. If it’s just fewer suitors but male nature stays the same, then no, same problems on a smaller scale.

Junior_Ad_3086 · 2026-02-12T23:29:51+00:00

i think a lot of women would be in for a rude awakening if they only got attention from guys who were serious about them. it sounds good in a vacuum and in a way it would be of course but the reality is that their most desirable 'options' (by relatively objective metrics, such as looks, career status, social competence etc.) wouldn't pay them any attention anymore whatsoever and it would be a humbling experience to say the least.

if you tell women who complain about never being chosen, only being used etc. that they're batting out of their league, they don't like hearing that and respond with insults if anything. it's always something about dating culture, incompatibilities, avoidant attachment styles yada yada according to what other women tell them, never the simple reality that bruises their ego. just some feelgood talking points (for the most part).

on dating apps, average women have 'access' to above average men but it's obviously mathematically impossible for all the average women to pair up with highly desirable guys. that access is simply an illusion and only there because of lopsided gender ratios on the apps and guys dating down for short-term fun. most women dated very differently pre apps, there wasn't this distorted reality and level of plausible deniability. the human brain is not wired to deal with large numbers, it is difficult to conceptualize macro level dynamics intuitively.

Muscletov · 2026-02-12T11:26:15+00:00

Would women’s dating problems change if they had fewer suitors?

No, women immensely enjoy the status quo of dating in western countries, i.e. the absolute overabundance of male attention and the massive desirability gap in women's favor.

You can see it clearly by how bitterly women fight any measure men take to gain even a tiny bit of sovereignty or leverage on the dating market, e.g. dating younger women, dating foreign women, spinning plates, going to prostitutes, setting up their own preferences/standards, banding together to freely discuss relationships, watching porn etc. All of these things are heavily shamed, sometimes even tangibly sabotaged and punished. The common theme is clear: women do not want men to prioritize themselves and their sexuality over women's. And of course, there are more than enough men willing to throw fellow other men under the bus, which is another thing women enjoy men doing.

xxTheMagicBulleT · 2026-02-12T07:34:16+00:00

Just like any marketplace when supply drops at a dangerous level and balance shifts people will start to panic.

And mostly after a big event where less available men so often war or other things. Power that women have switches to men.

Women often can only be picky if they can afford to be so if they get the attention and feel like they are still pursued.

When they not just like how people in a grocery store when big empty racks causing people to panic buy.

Same is true in relationships cause women send out or receive feelers of attention or desire often. When that is not there it triggers a reaction too in women much like the panic buy effect.

Its a primal instinct. Just the internet and the ease of it has over triggered womens feeling attention and feelers always responding. Cause there always thirsty guys seeking there attention. Even if in the real world that attention might not be there at all.

So in short in all human history sexual power being in mens side and womens side has shifted back and forth for ever and ever. One era men hold all the cards mostly cause there just much more women available so that pushes for weird things like wife school and learning how to take care of a men.

In the reverse when women have the power even getting attention has a big investment or cost involved too it. What has been different from culture and society in big ways. But in big bases its the very same thing.

She that has more leverage using it and make the other side jump true more hopes to prove that they should pick them over someone else.

What has always been the case and always will be the case.

Cause see it like this I give you a random thing you want but a 3 drastic different process point but they are all the same thing right. Would you not just go for the best price for return on investment?

Relationship is much the same. Why also the problem lies in society we have now. People are to busy with i demand i demand. But see or give nothing what the other side wants. What is like making a claim or deal and having high demand but only giveing what the other side does not really care about. Ofcourse that deal will fall true or get very bad outcomes from it cause you make bad faith demands and deals. People see true that easily and use it against you.

There is no shortage of people on any side. Just the market is poisoning the well. Making each other find the marketplace has not quality partners or worthy prospects to pursue. What has the same effect on big change of supply and demand shifts.

Year on year just more people not interested in dating cause people not getting what they want or need out of it. Most wanna build towards something while many on both sides want something only meanless and short term. What makes people give up hope or even not even wanna put effort in it anymore. Why traditional values where the best cause it gives both sides what they value most. Modern values are just you get what you give not a single thing more.

statsfodder · 2026-02-12T05:41:32+00:00

The number of options isn't the issue.. The solution is a combination of fixing society's "women are wonderful" delusion, people losing their main character complex and humans in general to stop being greedy, entitled, self absorbed assholes :)

RecognitionSoft9973 · 2026-02-12T16:04:02+00:00

I think it would cause an existential crisis for many women. Too many women attach their self-worth to male desire, including myself. This also applies to men. We're socially conditioned to. It's hard to escape this. Women talk about decentering men all the time, only to turn around and complain about men online.

I would think that a lack of suitors would lead to people being more reasonable and do some self-reflection as to what they actually care about the most in a partner, but it'd probably just lead to women doubling down even more on their standards.

I think femcels of all types would become even more prevalent. Romance media would begin to revolve around them. Some *pillers in here will argue that it already does.

All of this could culminate in women pursuing men more, even if it's just a slight increase at first. I strongly believe that men need to stop chasing after women so much (pedestalizing them in a lot of instances). I have no dog in this fight. I've never been pursued by a man IRL, but as an outsider looking in, I can easily see how male desperation inflates the female ego.

OwnerSebi · 2026-02-12T13:57:53+00:00

Yes. For women, it would take away the issue of fiptering, anf it would also lead to women having more realistic standards and preferences.

For guys, that would mean less rejection based on criterias out of their control or exagerated.

Interesting_Ant9947 · 2026-02-12T05:34:09+00:00

Women need to add polarity to their dating especially if they are attractive and use apps.

Don’t comply sit lazily and try to select from guys carpet bombing swipes.

Put some shit that’s true about you that you know will dissuade the guys who aren’t compatible with you. Who gives a shit about what men you don’t want think. Let them self select out so you don’t waste time with them.

No status purses, shoes, exotic on your pics unless that’s really what you value. Leave that nonsense with your girl groups Shallow dudes will think you’re accessible with money and high quality men will think you’re shallow and high maintenance.

Too often women try to be attractive to every man possible and then complain about getting inundated with low effort men. Put generic and shallow out there and get shallow and generic back.

Be upfront. “ I’m not a hookup girl but I’m super affectionate once the trust is there”.

Get a trusted man to help you screen suitors. I logged into my sister in laws account and weeded dozens of losers out. It’s easy to spot BS with your own kind

Finally. It’s ok to have high standards but maybe for once women could spell out what high quality men might find interesting about you. Again a chance to attract the right person and dissuade the wrong ones. Make the standards you won’t compromise on be character traits and behavior vs height or job status.

Don’t buy into any rhetoric. There are lots of great guys frustrated like you in making a connection. Give them the same benefit of the doubt you’d want.

Intervene-159 · 2026-02-12T21:13:44+00:00

Women have the best dating life that they could have. I do not see any serious position to the contrary that carries any weight. Men are at the absolute bottom of the heap in dating terms. Many, many, many men have either no options at all, or virtually none. This is not a whining post. I am speaking in general terms.

pie-mart · 2026-02-12T01:48:22+00:00

Yeah, tbh. Its why I thought about a matchmaker previously. I am not the one responsible for vetting and doing the preemptive stuff. Someone else does it for me.

I think my main issue is that usually the most confident men are just men with audacity. But not only audacity but often times entitlement.

Think of it this way. 6/10 guys who ask you out feel entitled to a yes or your phone number.

3/10 are normal guys who back off if you say no or are nice when you say yes

Then 1/10 men make you afraid for your life and may have physically hurt you or stalked you or whatever for saying no.

It is really hard to care to be patient enough to see the possibility of the 3 guys that are good. Because im constantly expecting a negative experience since the majority of men asking me out ends up a negative experience.

To me its juat the vast majority of men asking me out are horny pigs who want sex right away and demand it too

And like a few are nice regular normal guys.

But im so fatigued by all the assholes you know? Its like living in country where it rains 70% of the time. You get overly excited to see the sun and numb to the fact it rains.

BrainMarshal · 2026-02-12T02:14:00+00:00

The world would be better if women had no suitors and they actually had to try and cultivate suitors. Would be one hell of a series of teachable moments. Would set them back in balance in a hurry.

Talking_Tanuki · 2026-02-12T01:57:31+00:00

What would actually help is not having men lie about their intentions or who they are just to sleep with you. This way women interested in an LTR could just filter out all the guys thirsting for casual, but men have no incentive to do it.

N_Count_Council · 2026-02-12T06:54:27+00:00

Of course. The only reason women are so absurdly picky is because men are desperate and give them attention. Take away the attention (especially from higher SMV men) and they'd come down quite a bit.

RelativeYak7 · 2026-02-12T01:18:24+00:00

It wouldn't help because those fewer suitors would also be compromised of sex seekers, deceivers, pumpers and dumpers. Better to have more options and filter super well.

ResponsibleSwitch883 · 2026-02-12T02:51:22+00:00

but because they have too many suitors

Any woman who speaks like this is admitting that they're weak minded and indulgent.

It's literally as simple as "stop swiping" or put your account on pause. Some things that get thrown at women about dating are unfair, but if your DMs are full, it's your fault that you let them get that way.

If you wanted those men, you'd be answering their messages and planning dates. If you're not doing that, you just want the attention. Which is childish and wasteful of everyone's time.

have to filter through tons of guys who only want sex, aren’t serious,

Now this is a real problem.

just plain losers

I try not to indulge the feelings of superiority that women feel over the men they find unattractive. It's narcissistic. Some people really are unimpressive messes, but I don't think that's always the case when these words are used.

Being a loser just means that they don't want you oftentimes, and I can't respect that label.

But would fewer suitors actally help?

It would distill the process. For women who are dating in a way that works, that will help them avoid comparison poisoning. For women who aren't, it will trap them in unfulfilling and possibly even dangerous relationships.

Could it be that (realistically speaking) woman already have the best dating life they could have?

Nobody, except the most wealthy and insulated, have it good now. It's just a question of what kind of problems you have. How much of those problems you notice.

I think women's problems are often more subtle than men's. It's easy to notice that you're alone. It's harder to notice that your relationships are perpetually unhealthy, etc. things like that.

I think dysfunction tends to slap men in the face but it creeps up on women from behind. Things are ignorable until they're stuck somewhere they don't like and don't know how they got there.

No friends is more obvious than no close friends. No one to invite you is different from not getting an invite from people you know. If you understand what I mean. Men often end up completely disconnected, but women can end up isolated while still being in "community".

Samual-B · 2026-02-13T06:27:51+00:00

Yeah they would have no choice, since there wouldn't be enough options to fulfill their needs. So they would be in the same position as most men in that regard. Now of course they still get men approaching, so they atleast still have that nice advantage.

PrecisionHat · 2026-02-13T12:46:04+00:00

Yes it would help the dating world, but women enjoy the options even if they claim not to. It's just a lie. Complaining about having to sift through all these options is the peak of privilege.

TheGuyDean · 2026-02-15T02:16:23+00:00

Yeah it would make it more of a problem. Since some struggle even with all the options currently available.

autistic_cool_kid · 2026-02-12T00:34:44+00:00

I think the more you filter, the better your dating life.

True for men and women alike (but women usually filter more than men so the advice is mostly for men)

MarioWilson122 · 2026-02-12T02:07:44+00:00

Naw probably wouldn’t they love to complain but don’t realize that more options are better, which they would soon realize, if they had to have the experience most males have. Since they still have to deal with losers and women that aren’t serious but have less to choose from.

ThatBitchA · 2026-02-12T01:46:09+00:00

Y'all constantly overestimate how many suitors a woman has.

It's a really interesting bit of y'all fan fiction.

The number of suitors isn't the problem.

The problem is the quality of suitors.

throwaway73737828 · 2026-02-12T01:56:31+00:00

100% it would change and it would make them more grateful as well. The more options you have the more you cant stick with one thing. For example you can test this on your favorite foods. You can align 30 of them in front of you, you may stick to one for a bit but you will switch it afterwards because other ones are so good as well. There is no way a woman can be loyal with this much option and I dont blame em. If you give men 10 thousand option of women, he aint gonna be loyal too, he gonna test everything and whenever he wants a specific thing he will go to a specific women, fullfill it and when another specific thing he wants he will go to another woman. There is just no way he gonna stick to one.

In a hypothetical world, the best scenario for each people on the earth would to have 50 potential suitors that they can choose on. Not more than 50 it cant increase. You have to choose one from 50. Nobody would have a complaint from both sides. But yeah the point is, if you have like a good number of suitors like 20-50 ish the better you gonna pick something and stick rather than go full ballistic with 10k options.

doggiedoc2004 · 2026-02-12T02:24:03+00:00

A suitor is someone trying to pursue a romantic relationship with a woman. A suitor is NOT the same as dudes looking to get casual sex. So no, most women do not have many, if any, suitors in the traditional sense.

I think a lot of women would love to have more real suitors who are out to court and get rid of the guys just looking to get their dicks wet.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2026-02-12T01:21:12+00:00

Yes, because that would mean that men aren’t just after sex or sex products

AutoModerator · 2026-02-11T21:45:43+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

AlarmingArm9919 · 2026-02-12T00:16:04+00:00

balance is always best

softrevolution_ · 2026-02-12T23:47:29+00:00

You can just swipe left on me when I say "I don't do casual, I don't want kids, and you need to have hair on your head", ain't nobody making you take up my time looking for rejection that you see coming

DMmeClownPics · 2026-02-13T01:49:53+00:00

I would prefer fewer options who are more closely aligned with what I’m looking for specifically.

Numerous_Island6459 · 2026-02-13T14:03:52+00:00

Its about viable prospects not ANY prospects. We can all attract a clown. Attracting a man who is your equal and wants to build a partnership through combined work. Thats the challenge. The argument that if it "feels like work...blah" is nonsense. Making the most significant relationship successful takes more than romantic notions, it takes work.

Nervous_Designer_894 · 2026-02-13T18:32:43+00:00

I've heard multiple women say they want an AI that can filter out all the losers, guys interested inc asual sex, married men wnating to cheat or emotionlly messed up men.

Those are the real problems AI needs to solve.

RevolutionaryJob7908 · 2026-02-13T22:11:58+00:00

Yes. That's why I left dating apps and dating all together. I felt I'm helping my male peers out. I really do care about them and all matches was getting was 5/6 women the entire time, like 2 points below. But I think it's the dating apps... How they are built.. because I recalled a date saying "omg I'm on a real date" really loudly in the restaurant. No shame on her if not flattering, but it might say a lot more. It's worse now. I left so that didn't change anything. Brought quality down if others did the same.

I might say if the game is unfair some of us lower our own quality (we opt out or stop trying to impress anyone)..... No one talks about that.

Women had the best dating life in 2000s-2015 before men caught on to everything. That was when we were oblivious and still 1950s rosing them up and they had apps too. Now it's just apps with self aware men. So more options does make their life better if we are trying. If we aren't it doesn't matter how many options they have for sex.

Godskin_Duo · 2026-02-14T16:35:38+00:00

The primary key in almost all human interactions is supply and demand.

TeensyTea · 2026-02-12T06:41:16+00:00

where are these endless lines of suitors..? most single women i know have like one (or maybe a couple if they're particularly attractive) serious options at a given time, if any.

i get a lot more messages that amount to: "hello, sex please," than i do actual dating interest — and I wouldn't class that as a low-quality suitor; I wouldn't class that as a suitor at all.

SnooMarzipans8221 · 2026-02-13T00:25:53+00:00

This post doesn't understand the absolute feral desire of some women for that one and only truest love. They only want that and nothing else. They really would rather be left alone than being trifled with in their lifetimes.

Icy_Ad_4544 · 2026-02-12T00:52:05+00:00

No. I also think it’s super weird that people think it’s wrong to date multiple people at once.

bakerybrick · 2026-02-12T13:37:29+00:00

This is the argument for arranged marriage

love_in_october · 2026-02-12T06:56:35+00:00

Who says that if someone options were to remove themselves then there would be any good options left? If a woman has only a few/only one option, it's usually a bad one - that's why she may feel she has to pick a bad or "least worst" option. The good ones generally get snapped up quickly and are less likely to go back on the market. Realistically if you're not a celebrity it's not like you have multiple options to sort through at the same time anyway, you'll just have at most one relationship offer to take or leave at any given time.

growframe · 2026-02-12T02:22:44+00:00

No. All dating problems are caused by someone being too ugly, lame and boring for the person they want. The only solution is for them to either become more hot, fun and exciting or to make peace with their situation another way. Nothing else will makw any difference

Blacktransjanny · 2026-02-12T03:35:35+00:00

It would humble them beyond all recognition and realize that the world isn't a place that inherently appreciates your presence.

Glittering_Win_5085 · 2026-02-12T14:56:46+00:00

Less losers would also help I suppose

AncomBunker47 · 2026-02-12T01:32:05+00:00

This happened in Russia because of WWII, women had to throw themselves more to guarantee one man. Different times, marriage mattered but i think female hypergamy would decrease and/or they would travel abroad.

midsumernighttts · 2026-02-12T06:07:31+00:00

so I don’t go here but post came up on my feed but no, absolutely not. there already aren’t a lot of high quality males to invest in. finding one is very very hard. having fewer high quality males means settling for one who is low quality

Title	Would women’s dating problems change if they had fewer suitors?
Author	Ok_Cook_3098
Upvotes	27
Comments	416
Date	February 11, 2026 9:45 PM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1r2ao4u/would_womens_dating_problems_change_if_they_had/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/would-womens-dating-problems-change-if-they-had.1573290 https://theredarchive.com/post/1573290

Comments