Why do girls do this? [recovered]

Sumpfiger · 2022-08-10T22:42:43+00:00

Wow that hits home, just had this with a girl I was seeing for two months and once she sensed I’m into her she pulled the plug. My impression was I was suddenly perceived as more needy and she felt she could do better

uniqueruntimeerror · 2022-08-11T00:52:29+00:00

emotionally unavailable people.

Jumpingonair · 2022-08-11T02:45:30+00:00

They never liked you. It was just casual fun. Simple.

pabloescagains · 2022-08-11T00:05:19+00:00

It's the girl's responsibility to initiate wanting to get together. All you had to do was hang out, have fun, and hook up. Rinse and repeat until she starts asking to be exclusive

Reasonable_Ad_6626 · 2022-08-11T00:07:52+00:00

Both should be upfront with what they're looking for and what their goals are.

Some people are just for the streets.

Vet everyone you date, make sure you're on the same level before you waste months of your life on someone.

Raise those standards, don't give indecisive and unavailable people access to you.

GimmeAllDaWorld · 2022-08-10T21:30:25+00:00

Guys do this too. It just depends on the person tbh. Some people are just emotionally unavailable.

StijnHansen · 2022-08-11T00:00:27+00:00

Its literally the female variant of dudes that want to sort of sleep around and still have one girl they can be really cozy with. We're all human and thus very indecisive.. Sorry to hear this happened to you.

henlofr · 2022-08-10T23:58:56+00:00

Idk I do this to women, for me I’m pretty clear about not wanting committed relationships initially so I feel like the responsibility is theirs to get out of the relationship if they don’t like the arrangement.

I have done the getting out before when the girl starts getting too clingy/attached. It’s just hard for me, possibly for them as well.

lanky_yankee · 2022-08-11T03:04:06+00:00

In my experience, it’s better to make them wait on you and go at their pace. You can go too slow, but when you are feeling it, hold off for a while. It will, in fact, drive them crazy.

ShootzyCollinz · 2022-08-10T22:29:06+00:00

Women generally want what they can't have. They enjoy the pursuit. Once they know you're theirs it's not fun anymore. They have a love/hate relationship with the concept of competition anxiety. The idea that they're fighting other women for your attention is subconsciously appealing to them. And once this stress is removed, they no longer feel like they're competing for a prize, ie your attention.

Couple this with the notion that most guys catch feelings around month 3 and women tend to take 6+ months to really catch feelings and it becomes apparent that the emotional playing field isn't level. As a man, you should wait for a woman to bring up feelings and commitment first, and not be too eager to dive in once the idea is brought up.

These are of course generalities and not applicable to all women or situations.

BobbyJohnson31 · 2022-08-11T00:53:12+00:00

Never ask a girl to be your girlfrined first wait until they hint at it or ask themselves

ProductivityMonster · 2022-08-11T01:55:34+00:00

excellent post. This is why you don't bring up relationships first with a woman. Just treat her as a fuck buddy until then. What she says before you are official means absolutely nothing and she'll change her mind in an instant. Watch her actions, not her words. This is basically just women using men for attention/commitment and as soon as they get it they leave. It's the same idea as men dumping a woman right after they have sex with her. It's a very narcissistic way to get validation that she is attractive without any regard for the other person.

EDIT: You can often filter out these women by looking for CONSISTENT RECIPROCATION AND INITATION of dates, sex, conversations, etc. Typically, they're very hot and cold so they clearly fail the consistent part. It's hard to be consistent when she's dating multiple other guys or she feels very ambivalent/indecisive about you (and doesn't want to invest that much time/energy in you or it has to be on her terms).

ozzzy83 · 2022-08-11T00:18:15+00:00

The thing is, they must invest more than you, especially at the beginning. If you confess your emotions first, you're done, no challenge, or anything. They must wonder if you want more with them, not the other way around! They want to experience a wide range of emotions, and by serving yourself on a silver platter, they cannot feel what they need.

wzd_cracks · 2022-08-11T01:28:35+00:00

This is why I don’t take them seriously and never get my hopes up . They usually have other dudes lined up and once you throw in that you want something more serious they ran away . They want/need your attention. Stop giving them your all and like them from far away . Take care of you first .

yiggaman · 2022-08-10T22:28:48+00:00

Because they still want to be available for the next guy they meet. They are just using you for the time being

Neo-Rio · 2022-08-11T00:50:59+00:00

The female mating strategy involves getting as much attention from men as possible and winning their hearts over.

Once they manage to capture a man's heart, the fun is over for them, so they look for someone else.

It's basically the same thing when a guy gets tired of having sex with one woman and now wants to have sex with another one.

This is why telling young girls "I love you" is romantic suicide. Real love involves having a family together and raising kids. You can say "I love you" as much as you want when you're married - but if you're not, avoid it.

Remember: Young girls all believe that "all men" just like sleeping around with different women. It's "all men" to them because the men who *don't* do this are invisible to them - and not targets of female sexual interest. And the only part that upsets women about men's ability to sleep around is that they just can't get those guys to fall in love with them! Boo hoo! :D

Southofsouth · 2022-08-11T02:13:22+00:00

"Women are the gatekeepers of sex. Men are the gatekeepers of relationships"

Basically, if you are a man, never bring the prospect of a committed relationship first. Yes it sucks. Yes it is irrational. But this is something I have learned the hard way.

maricircus · 2022-08-11T04:31:24+00:00

Two words: narcissistic supply

lsdevto · 2022-08-10T21:51:59+00:00

You don’t stop talking to multiple girl until you are living togethee

repo1778 · 2022-08-11T00:39:58+00:00

Just saying same thing women complain about. Just depends on who your dealing with. If I was getting to that point I would be saying before we go any further I would like to be in a relationship with you. If she says not now or I'm moving to fast. Then it's bye, I'm moving on. Yea it sucks if you've started to have feelings for her but it also would tell me she's not on the same page. Some women like men doting over them but once they sense your getting to close they start shutting down. Again men do the same thing.

burncushlikewood · 2022-08-11T01:05:49+00:00

So you're saying they leave you? People need space and don't like being chased or having a one sided relationship. Maybe there is a vibe you're giving off that's causing them to leave you, usually for me it's the other way around im the one leaving her. We need more information, are you sure you're not smothering her, or maybe you think she has feelings for you but doesn't?

HomeschoolProm · 2022-08-11T01:58:22+00:00

How does one not be ‘needy’ or prevent a relationship failing or even starting due to thsi

Mammoth-Procedure660 · 2022-08-11T04:03:30+00:00

This happened to me not to long ago, literally copy and paste, she flaked on me and ghosted me for like 3 weeks and we didn’t text or talk, then out of nowhere I sent her a meme from a video game we like and boom instantly got her attention and she eventually apologized for ghosting me, now she’s my girlfriend, I’d recommend after maybe like 2-3 weeks of no talking send her something light hearted and do not act like you got ghosted and one of 2 things will happen, she comes around or she doesn’t come back, and like I said play it cool and don’t even mention y’all stopped talking, ALWAYS assume everything is okay

Witterjay · 2022-08-11T05:22:14+00:00

Cause there fucking crazy. But who isn’t. They want to feel wanted in all areas of life and having people that will put you first without a label they want. If you take away what they want in the relationship then your fucked. And damn if you can figure out what girl actually wants then good for you brother. It’s a bitch I know. I had a girl do it to me twice. My dumb ass believed her again. I mean She did go through more for my attention then is at all Normal. so the fact she left after putting in work twice just makes my mind run. There a mystery. But they really need to understand what an alpha is vs a beta what a rare find is vs an everyday. Even then who knows. You even get in there way of what makes them think there them or what they like about what they have and they think they can just set it up and get it again. Like we don’t have feeling.

gillmanblacklagooner · 2022-08-11T06:40:09+00:00

She belongs to the streets.

Ilovemeandthatscool · 2022-08-11T08:55:48+00:00

Read about attachment styles. It’s not just women, it’s just the women you’ve been conditioned to be attached to. It’s part of an evolutionary process in your brain that hardwired you as a baby to behave in a way that reflects whatever is going to get you the most security from a parent. So if you had a shitty avoidant mom who was uncomfortable with you needing love and affection as a baby, you are likely to seek out love and then once you believe it’s real, you become very uncomfortable because you associate needing love and security with being rejected by your shitty caregiver as a baby. This chemically gets hardwired into your brain as a survival mechanism. It is conditioned /compounded by friendships and relationships. So maybe you had somewhat avoidant parents and then you date really avoidant people, they condition you into being ashamed to expect love and security, so you adapt to get whatever you can get. There is a way out of these patterns with awareness, self education and mental health support. If people learned about attachment styles, it would seriously solve like 80% of relationship issues. Once you understand it, it makes the world look like a bunch blind people doing puzzles and yelling at each other. It’s so enlightening!

Testinat0r · 2022-08-10T21:05:09+00:00

Because they want to know they are attractive enough to be loved. And if it's too easy they go to a next target and see how long that takes.

morechris · 2022-08-11T00:03:57+00:00

Guys do this too.

Conformist5589 · 2022-08-11T02:47:39+00:00

Send one message telling her how you feel and what your intentions are. If she doesn’t reciprocate, just walk away. She thinks she has you in her pocket so she’s going to go look at other options thinking you’ll be there if she fails.

boxinsideme · 2022-08-11T02:56:01+00:00

You want her to be fighting a mental battle over why it's been three months and you still haven't dropped the "L" word yet...

... because, I never say it first, woman.

CD_Johanna · 2022-08-11T03:14:51+00:00

It’s the girls job to ask you to be exclusive. You hook up and have fun and do fun stuff together. If you do that, eventually she will ask to be Bf/gf

grindforthegold · 2022-08-11T03:36:08+00:00

i mean bro i’ve had girls that i had great times with and banged a lot but when i realize they really loved me i had to break it off cuz i couldn’t see myself dating them cuz they weren’t hot enough or my type. sorry dude maybe that’s what happened i know it’s brutal but she could have a great time with you and still not want to officially put you on insta and stuff

shreyashcool · 2022-08-11T04:03:23+00:00

Same happened to me as well…We (me 26M & she 27F) were too close, hanging out together most times. She was giving all kinds of signals.

So When I told I am interested, she just ghosted me. No she treats me like a stranger.

ireallyloveoats · 2022-08-11T04:14:15+00:00

Never be the one bringing up relationships, asking HER to be your girlfriend. If you do that there is no foundation set. She must come to you for that. Show she isn't your world. Show you are still going out to the bar with the boys or whatever, she will think you're still getting girls' attention and will want to lock you down at that point.

bigfatuglychick · 2022-08-11T04:15:53+00:00

Yes, it’s a situationship or FWB. She is emotionally unavailable and doesn’t want a real true relationship. The short term, honeymoon fling time is what she’s here to enjoy. Once you try to make it serious, it’s not fun and light anymore thus why she bailed. Her emotions are not involved in this—no matter how many intimate conversations, marathons of sex, countless dates, casual hangouts, etc—so once yours are, it has to end.

vze1fm8gn · 2022-08-11T04:23:27+00:00

You are dealing with 'avoidant'

Read attachment theory.

aliasname · 2022-08-11T04:25:56+00:00

>We had even agreed to not talk to other people.

No goofy, she got YOU to agree to not "talk" to other people. She agreed not to "fuck" other people she was still getting emotional validation from social media and every other place.

Delicatestatesmen · 2022-08-11T05:21:24+00:00

the way to avoid this is to pull away before she does.. in the event she pulls away you just leave it alone til she contacts u

CanUnusual8729 · 2022-08-11T05:29:14+00:00

It’s not just girls, people do this. I agree it’s an attachment style that is especially common in the west. It stems from childhood having a parent that was emotionally volatile. Not necessarily abusive per se, but just self-centered, inconsistent. When a child has a parent that is loving at times and then emotionally distant other times, the child learns that the most valuable love is a challenge. They feel like they have to earn it somehow. So when that child grows up, they get stuck in this contradiction where they don’t value affection that comes without a challenge. So unfortunately, they miss out on someone who may have been good for them. And then the people they feel most attracted to are similar to that parent, emotionally unavailable, less interested than they are. Always just out of reach. They crave that emotional chaos of uncertainty, which sadly, often leads to failed attempts at relationships or outright rejection from the person who was more of a challenge, which then confirms their understanding of love, further perpetuating that cycle.

montanalombardy · 2022-08-11T06:38:16+00:00

Relationship implies two things:

Letting go of other options
Responsibility

A woman might want to have fun with you without wanting these.

We were taught that it's usually the men who want to fuck around while women want to tie men down and be stable. But it isn't like that. It may in fact be the opposite in today's world as women have way more options than men.

bennie_thejet30 · 2022-08-11T06:51:39+00:00

Never ask a women for a relationship. Just have fun and let it take it’s natural course. You’ll know when they’re ready.

Illustrious-Cat7767 · 2022-08-11T07:32:05+00:00

It's called an Avoidant attachment style. Routing from some form of fucked up childhood trauma usually (or a pattern of them), and that's how they react when things start to get serious. They 'love bomb' you first, usually very early in a relationship, then flea when its reciprocated. Of course, it's not that black and white, but it explains a lot. Look it up, you will find plenty of stuff online. There are even subs here for attachment theory.

Lit-Up · 2022-08-11T08:42:57+00:00

you failed the final test. relationships should always be the woman's job to bring up. When the man does it, it comes out of neediness...there are exceptions to the rule but usually this is how it goes.

doobyscooze · 2022-08-11T15:18:03+00:00

Wait a minute...you can actually fall in love🙊? I lost that ability after age 23🤣🤣🤣

slutonvacation · 2022-08-11T17:15:46+00:00

I've done this and I've had this done to me. It comes down to thinking you know what you want until you realize you don't want what you thought you wanted. You don't realize you don't want what you thought you wanted until you get what you thought you wanted. Then when you get it, you realize you never wanted it and you ghost instead of explaining the confusing feeling you're having because you don't feel as close to the person you thought you wanted when you realize you don't want them that much.

It's just that easy!!!

Spacedog270 · 2022-08-11T20:08:06+00:00

As a woman that has done this I can tell you exactly why - she enjoys your company but she's either emotionally unavailable or can't see herself in a real long-term relationship with you, usually because the spark isn't quite there. If I can't see myself in a relationship with someone and the "what are we" conversion comes up, I'll suddenly be hit with the realization that I need to pull the plug now before anyone gets hurt.

cronasminate · 2022-08-11T01:38:01+00:00

It's often due to past trauma. Some run away at the first sign of commitment and they freak out because they associate the pattern of getting closer with a very traumatizing experience in their past, so they decide to never really open themselves up to being vulnerable.

Some women with this issue, like to be able to express it, so they get the benefit of being love-dovey without triggering their commitment fears. Once the guy shows it too, it becomes too much and their guards go up.

Downloadmywario · 2022-08-11T01:26:57+00:00

Filling a void without commitment for a temporary antidote for loneliness

zisehuar · 2022-08-11T01:33:06+00:00

What?? I never heard of this. I'm very sorry to hear that. I was convinced that this is a problem mostly women have with men, the other way around. That's crazy. You don't deserve that, no one does. Gosh I wish people would do more life coaching. I think the women who do that have been treated that exact way and are terrified to get hurt, so they are trying to keep some distance. Or, maybe you're too much of a sweetheart, but that's pure assumption. I know that when men are too buddy-ish they lose that manly attraction. Maybe the male-female balance is off. Again, just an alternative possibility to consider. Stay kind but gentleman, not buddy.

RSNK10 · 2022-08-11T01:53:48+00:00

Girls usually are the emotional ones in the relationship. This causes problems for them sometimes because emotions often trick people into doing or saying things they don’t actually mean. There are countless examples of this, where a person will say or do something because it “feels right”. It’s why partners cheat, and why people hookup.

I believe this is female nature at its core, and why you’ll find that women are naturally attracted to men who are “grounded” and not really sensitive to their emotions. In fact, guys who know how to trigger their emotions are the ones who have the most success with women.

Just by reading the tone of your post, you seemed to let emotions get the best of you. There’s nothing wrong with that so to speak, as vulnerability is very important in meaningful relationships, but it was probably misplaced in the relationship you had with her.

Comfortable-Unit-897 · 2022-08-11T01:54:29+00:00

Best to let them do the commitment thing. My recent ex put it like this after an awesome shagging session… “ You ready for both of us to delete the dating stuff right now?”

AqueousBeats · 2022-08-11T00:14:19+00:00

Same situation here

sharararara · 2022-08-11T19:01:28+00:00

Sounds like there's some communication lacking.

TiedHands · 2022-08-11T02:41:41+00:00

Yikes. Literally going through this myself. Met a girl, clicked so insanely well, we got super serious and just amazing and full of passion, then she tells me a couple of weeks that she's overwhelmed by stuff in her life right now and that she needs to take a break. Its kind of weird because we still talk multiple times a day, and a lot of it feels the same as before, but she just mentions every once in a while that she's not ready for a relationship. Why couldn't she have told me that before I fell head over hills in love with?

lIIlIIninja · 2022-08-11T05:25:25+00:00

I’ve heard men do this?

OneKaleidoscope2787 · 2022-08-11T06:59:44+00:00

Because it is up to her to lock you down into a relationship, not the other way around. Watch the old movies from 50 years ago to see how women used to enchant men to commit to them. Modern movies have reversed this concept and in a real life situation it doesn’t work to try and get a woman to commit to you.

LingoJam69 · 2022-08-11T14:08:06+00:00

i feel that heavy, i was with this one girl for awhile, 3 or 4 months maybe? i was taking her everywhere with me, bought her shit all the time, i work in a private business with some friends, real estate is one of our things, i was taking her to work with me, we were dating n all that, but she gets the impression that the relationship is moving too fast and breaks up immediately instead of communicating with me at all, worst of it she makes her friends break it to me over text rather then giving me a call like a decent person. i had to essentially beg her to give me a call to clarify because i had no idea what was going on, very immature and made a total ass of herself.

recyclablebanthas · 2022-08-16T13:51:23+00:00

1

They will get to the point of basically acting just like y’all are in a relationship. Consistent sex, dates, cuddling, staying over multiple times a week, initiating all of the texts/calls - having a blast together and even confiding personal things in you being very open and vulnerable.

This kind of thing is a common pattern for most people.

Even people who are looking for something casual will unintentionally lapse into this kind of behavior because it's part of our culture. So many people really don't know how to casually date without blurring the lines.

2

Then the moment they get the feeling you want to be in a relationship with them, they say it’s moving too fast. They don’t want to be in a relationship right now and bounce. Like what the fuck? why did you make me fall in love with you. What was the point of all that.

The thing about people like this who are going to cut and run, is that they usually have a lot of tells. Even if it's sometimes at a subconscious level, people really do want to be understood.

Basically, people who are abusive or manipulative will often tell someone they've met about their abusive or manipulative pattern, within the first few weeks of knowing them.

People with substance abuse problems will make off-handed references or comments to issues they have with substances.

People with histories of abuse will frequently make some sort of comments about their past that make it pretty clear that they really shouldn't be trusted.

And very often, cheaters will literally say something that makes it pretty clear that they would cheat again.

Very often what tends to happen is that people want to believe that they are the one who solves the Rubik's cube that is this really hard to get too person. People want to feel special.

And manipulative people will take advantage of that and tell themselves whatever stories they need to, in order to feel good about what they're doing.

3

I understand I should be talking to multiple girls

There is no should or should not here. You should do whatever the hell you want to do. And if you're looking for a serious relationship, then you date however you want.

Maybe you date one at a time and that's fine.
Or you date multiple people until you find one to settle down with, and that's fine too.

4

..... but why do girls do this? We had even agreed to not talk to other people. Did I really blow it by moving too fast or was she never going to date me??

People like this who foster all these attachments before running the moment it becomes real, have usually given off a ton of red flags before it all goes down the toilet.

The issue is that you were trying to make gold out of shit and you probably knew it on some level at least.

A person who reacts this way was never really a candidate for a serious relationship. At least not with you.

You're better off.

Plenty_Software4415 · 2022-08-11T11:49:30+00:00

This sub is crazy 😂 I wish girls left after a few months. These people seriously complaining about a friend with benefits?! Lmfao legit cuck vibes in here

It’s crazy these days cuz it’s like men and women switched. MEN are the ones crying about being sexualized and wanting a relationship & women don’t want anything serious 😂

the whole women empowerment movement cut off men’s balls and made them into women now with women acting like they have the dick & balls

happysad45 · 2022-08-13T11:24:49+00:00

Men do this literally all the time. it’s not a gender thing. she just didn’t like you bro

Ok-Ad-3675 · 2022-08-11T02:00:36+00:00

Commitmentphobics are both men and women.

thus_gone · 2022-08-11T02:29:04+00:00

Is it actually "girls" or did a single girl do this to you?

g59fieroboi · 2022-08-11T03:05:47+00:00

Sounds like a female fuckboy

Maxx_Darkglare · 2022-08-11T03:19:30+00:00

Most of them don’t and it’s one of the stupidest things they can do

Used-Engineering4996 · 2022-08-11T03:25:52+00:00

I mean at least you’re getting laid, most guys on here can’t even get dates, myself included. Consider yourself lucky

PhoenixMaster01 · 2022-08-11T03:53:07+00:00

Sounds like that’s a reflection of them and their commitment issues, not you and your willingness to make it official. Keep your head up king.

Geep1778 · 2022-08-11T04:31:32+00:00

She’s banging someone else or there’s another guy in the picture you don’t know about. Next time Be the fun one who’s not relationship material it’s better.

Yung-Split · 2022-08-11T05:21:51+00:00

When you are the one who is chasing to tie someone down that tells the girl that she has more power than you. It should be happening the other way around ideally.

cobraCL · 2022-08-11T05:22:46+00:00

God, this happened to me with the guy I gave my virginity to. 😂 Confusion was probably the least bad thing I felt.

Modern dating is complicated because many or most people date to see where the "vibe" takes them as opposed to being relationship-minded from the get go.

With that being said, we need to take accountability for screening partners better and establishing intent early. Because I faced similar issues to what you have, I had to understand that I was the common denominator in all of those dynamics.

Suggestions: Look into Attachment Theory, I cannot reccomend it enough. Those with anxious-leaning attachment styles consistently pick emotionally available and Avoidant partners (basically, people who attach freely UNTIL any mention of commitment comes up, after which they destroy whatever makes them feel "engulfed".) APs are drawn to these people like moths to flames because they subconsciously affirm our fears that we will be left or abandoned anyway. So, partners are picked who are flighty, volatile, and constantly have to be chased to get a desired level of intimacy and connection.

Work on that. All the best!

martellthacool · 2022-08-11T05:23:52+00:00

I despise that growing up as a kid

baldman_supreme · 2022-08-11T05:26:37+00:00

The key is the make it their idea, not yours

ohnevelmynevel · 2022-08-11T05:45:53+00:00

Tbh so many people do this guys included, I’m personally not one of them but ik my friend did it to a guy and that was just because he was her side piece so she couldn’t officially say yes to a relationship. I don’t understand it but it’s not my name that’s getting dragged so idc.

SuperSoakerGuyx · 2022-08-11T05:47:57+00:00

It's one of those weird things in life one moment you're deeply wanted and sought-after the next abandoned like you weren't even there to begin with.

saulisdating · 2022-08-11T05:48:33+00:00

Not all girls do this, SOME do. With the girls who tend to do this (because they’re afraid of commitment) just continue having fun with them and don’t act all lovey-dovey and wait until THEY broach the subject of being exclusive and in a relationship.

Some might even never broach this subject but you will end up in a relationship with them sooner or later if you just continue with things as they are and if things are going great. Then it will naturally transition into a relationship as things progress. Because some PEOPLE are afraid of the label/subject of exclusivity itself. Both men and women do this.

Gemini_Gypsy · 2022-08-11T05:59:22+00:00

And I quote, “Don’t hate the player, hate the game”.

Either party can exit the relationship at anytime. Could’ve been anything. Take it as it is.

Whatchuthinkingabout · 2022-08-11T06:06:21+00:00

As long as you getting you willy wet who cares

CowgirlBebop575 · 2022-08-11T06:16:55+00:00

There are people that enjoy things that are typically tied to relationships without the commitment and the emotional intimacy/availability of a relationship. It's not just women who do things like that, it's people who are emotionally unavailable.

Turbopuschel · 2022-08-11T06:18:51+00:00

Wow I guess you got girls figured out, because - as you discovered - all girls react the same to this situation.

/s just in case it is not clear. The answer to "Who/how/when do [gender] do/like/behave [specific way]" is, has always been and always will be "It depends on the person."

Professional_Yard_76 · 2022-08-11T06:22:28+00:00

hey how old are you? 20's?

2022-08-11T06:33:49+00:00

Could be the girls you choose to spend your time with.

Patient-Bowl-3784 · 2022-08-11T06:38:06+00:00

the thrill of catch and release

Environmental_Lie561 · 2022-08-11T06:57:41+00:00

Men are in control of the relationship, women are in control of sex. You need to sneak it in once in awhile, like make romantic gestures of future planning. See a cute dog and she likes that dog, say we’re going to have a dog just like that (insert fantasy) but with a different colour fur and we’re going to teach him how to (add a trick or a way to help in a shared hobby like singing) sing with us, make a joke about him howling to one of your guys favourite songs and imitate it for her etc. she will be thinking of her future with you. Then you don’t bring it up again until she confirms or retorts to your gesture. If it doesn’t happen, create more value in her life and give her space at the same time. Then when she starts to be needy to you, do the fantasy thing again. Rinse and repeat. Women eat and breathe romantic fantasy. -Woman with serious game

P.S Needy emotional men with game are hot.

icouch · 2022-08-11T06:57:59+00:00

no woman no cry

yo_saturnalia · 2022-08-11T07:32:37+00:00

What makes you think this is done only by women ? Men do it all the time as well . Don’t be a weak punk; fuck her have fun , next her

chicken-on-a-tree · 2022-08-11T07:46:06+00:00

I have the EXACT same experience with multiple guys 😅

Face_Puzzleheaded · 2022-08-11T08:37:16+00:00

Why do you have to suggest anything though? You're getting everything you want in this transaction. Why go the extra mile to ruin things?

Fab_enigma07 · 2022-08-11T08:44:37+00:00

I am a woman and this happened to me too.

Lukezoftherapture777 · 2022-08-11T08:52:28+00:00

Id say pull back and give the situation a breather for a week or even a month lol

Jay-Ames · 2022-08-11T08:53:24+00:00

It makes you work harder for them. It is the same thing when women give a guy less and less sex after a few years of marriage.

It will get downvoted but any research proofs what i am saying is right.

Kobe_curry24 · 2022-08-11T09:12:27+00:00

Damn I feel like I found my core group of people had a girl just like this was perfect and then she says she was getting married tore me up it’s good to feel like your not alone in this chaos

DavidDoolan1234 · 2022-08-11T09:33:20+00:00

Why do you even care enough to ask? If she’s going to be like that laugh it off and move on, she’s not worthy and you don’t give a shit. Dismiss her and show her you ain’t bothered like she is doing with you.

lostmymuse · 2022-08-11T11:15:53+00:00

I’ve done this to people too, and I never planned on it. It’s you, not her. She doesn’t think you’re good enough to settle down for, as unfortunate and negative as it sounds. But it’s the truth you might need to hear .

This should hopefully piss you off because you are valuable, she just obviously doesn’t see it. So yes, talk to other girls, and keep leveling up.

The sooner you take away your attention from her the more likely she’ll wonder what could’ve been between you two.

Or she may just not care or ever care. Which is all the more reason to not waste your time here.

imnotcreative635 · 2022-08-11T11:32:18+00:00

They are playing games. They will regret doing this in the future.

RosenTurd · 2022-08-11T12:41:47+00:00

This is what both sexes do.

Get over it and move on to the next one.

peaceinner5 · 2022-08-11T12:44:21+00:00

Women ☕️

west_herbert · 2022-08-11T13:05:01+00:00

Why you guys are worried about titles! Does it matter? You're enjoying her company and she is yours. Let it unfold the way it should. If she want a title, she will bring it up.

soothsayersnob · 2022-08-11T13:11:58+00:00

She doesn’t like you in a way that blends your futures and lives. She likes you enough to give you her spare time. She likes to hang out and cuddle and talk. She likes you. She doesn’t want to have a future with you, she’s just comfortable and having a good time right now. Like really good intimate friends. Those things can both be true. In the future you can tell partners you are not into ‘seeing what happens’ you like to know for certain after a few weeks if you guys are both on the same page as far as feelings. It’s really shitty of them to play relationship without the actual commitment but if it wasn’t discussed that that isn’t ok, it’s what happens sometimes. I’ve dated for play and for serious. No, I didn’t like the guy enough to date him for reals. Our lives were too different and it was never my intention. Wee didn’t have that conversation tho so he accused me of leading him on and I accused him of assuming and not reading the room. Communicate. In this case, this girl didn’t need to get into the while you’re going to fast thing, that’s stupid, she was there. God luck

MK2718 · 2022-08-11T13:13:39+00:00

Why Acting Disinterested or even Disqualifying Yourself can Create Attraction. This is the inversion of your question, but the answer is the same.

Bodacious_Dad_Bod · 2022-08-11T13:21:35+00:00

Date older women. This is less of an issue as women get older. Younger women don't know what the fuck they're doing.

dobbs1997 · 2022-08-11T13:29:27+00:00

Dude this is all on you, she didn’t do anything, she didn’t MAKE you fall in love, your expectations and attachment made you feel the way you felt…the reason she was acting like y’all were in a relationship was because YOU lead with that kind of energy..you move too fast, you gotta slow it way down cause I feel like you met this girl within the last few months…subconsciously they don’t want you to want a relationship more than they want it, let her come to you about the relationship, don’t bring it up yourself..take some accountability and realize that things are the way they are because of YOU, you’re the common denominator in these situations.

StaticNocturne · 2022-08-11T13:31:57+00:00

Lot of potential reasons

Sometimes in truth they feel inadequate or undeserving of love

caesarfecit · 2022-08-11T13:55:49+00:00

This is actually why seduction gets a bad rap because this is a human nature problem.

People want all the benefits of an intimate relationship, whether they're consciously aware of it or not, and avoid the strings attached. And if you allow people to do that, they often will.

You'll hear this exact same story out of women who start hooking up with a guy, he starts treating her like a GF, she catches feels, he bounces.

This is why my rule is to never lie or hold out when it comes to how I feel about her, but play your cards very close to the chest when it comes to intentions.

This is especially true when it comes to hooking up with a girl. You can get away with outrageously hitting on her, so long as you keep intention out of it and have a playful, non-needy frame. Then you're just spitballing and she can take as seriously as she wants to.

But if you withhold that desire, that attraction, then there's nothing for to chase, and she'll be even more suspicious about your intentions, or start feeling used/manipulated.

AtDaLastMinute · 2022-08-11T14:09:46+00:00

Many of them still feel like they can hoe around so they don't want to settle.

Maloria9 · 2022-08-11T14:15:52+00:00

I see a lot of stories from women about men doing the same things. It’s a people problem, not a gender problem. Some people are afraid of commitment, some people don’t trust others. Others want the freedom of being able to mess around with other people while getting relationship treatment from one or maybe even two people. Basically a “why settle when you can have everything you want for a fraction of the price?” People of all kinds do this type of stuff, and it sucks. It sucks seeing both men and women suffer from the effects of human selfishness and greed. I guess all I would say is communicate, express that you are looking for someone to commit to, and then move on from those who state that they don’t want what you do. Attempts to change their mind are often futile. If they aren’t ready, leave them be. I wish you the best of luck with what you’re searching for.

Alecstocker · 2022-08-11T14:17:39+00:00

It's so sad the games that are played today. Only gets you farther away from true love and finding someone. Many girls and some guys expect all the work to be done by the other. Let's see how much they will do to get me. And there's often a long line. It makes people disposable and ends up with treating people so unkindly. Very sad state of dating.

Pantherist · 2022-08-11T14:26:46+00:00

I think the main issue is that they want to be in the driver's seat about commitment. Not only is it partly because of the biological imperative to be picky about someone they might want to settle down and have children with, but there's also the social dynamic where they assert control in their interactions with men. And the game is such that men have to pander somewhat to their expectations because that's just how things are.

wastingtoomuchthyme · 2022-08-11T14:37:58+00:00

its no fun taming someone who's already tame.. it's actually boring so the second you say you're committed they lose interest...

yeahthatslifedarling · 2022-08-11T14:43:06+00:00

“You are only punishing yourself when you want to be in a relationship with a woman more than she wants to be a in a relationship with you.” ― David Deida

This path goes so deep, realize your insufficiencies. You are not polarizing. You are not true to yourself, nor to her, nor to the core depth of your being. Or are you?

Also you pinpoint a tiny point, while as a whole it does not matter. Your whole is seen as unworthy precisely because you see it as unworthy.

You have to stop thinking too much, yet still manage to keep thinking.

This is one of the scene where the guy break dishes and throw a fit, and then she kiss him and get fucked... And another guy break dishes and throw a fit, and she charge him the broken glass and tell him to get out.

Value.

Value is in the eye of the beholder.

Emotions rules the human world. Don't you dare say women are the emotive ones. They are, too.

So yeah. Long story short, you're a loser.

AngeloMacon · 2022-08-11T14:48:41+00:00

It's just the natural order of things. Men start by courting the girl, then trying to bang her. After that, it's up to the woman to push for a relationship and all the checklist of things to come with that. Most men or women won't be interested in a relationship if the script is flipped.

If thr girl is really into you, you can get away being the first to say I love you or reach to hold her hand in public first, etc. But do too many of these first and women will lose interest.

Men don't want to marry easy to fuck women. Women don't want to marry easy commitment men.

Amkg2020 · 2022-08-11T15:13:17+00:00

I feel they get a kick out of it and if there like that with you and don't want a relationship there like that with the streets

Phuffu · 2022-08-11T15:18:56+00:00

Damn I feel like you’re describing me. This is something I’m working on myself.

coolbreeze1990 · 2022-08-11T15:20:14+00:00

I’m reading this book called “Attached” by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller rn that you might also find interesting. It explains attachment theory really well and then offers insights into becoming more secure in our own attachment style and seeking a partner who is also secure in their’s. Sounds like these girls are avoidant - maybe some vibe you’re putting out there is pulling avoidant girls idk.

I’ve had this happen too. Boy does it suck. But looking back, I did indeed get super anxious and needy when she pulled away, and frankly I didn’t like that person I became either. I want to be confident and secure so that’s what I’m going to work on.

AmbitiousDragonfly79 · 2022-08-11T15:26:54+00:00

I think it depends on their attachment style - I think girls have fallen hard and gotten heart broken - and over time and repetitive outcome they develop avoidant attachment so they don’t get hurt again! This is me speaking on my personal experience as a female-

CherryTeri · 2022-08-11T16:12:58+00:00

Try asking in the beginning like the first few conversations. What are you looking for? If they say anything other than, “a boyfriend” “a serious relationship”, it means they aren’t ready. If she says, “going with the flow” “let’s see what happens” “open for anything” or any other bs vague answer, it means no she doesn’t want a relationship. Most will never give a direct no. So if it’s not a yes, it’s a no. Now you will know before falling. The best thing I ever did was put my dates in buckets, 1. Potential Spouse 2. Just for fun. And I listen very closely for what they want before deciding which bucket they belong to. Saves a lot of heartache.

Mr_Shadowz · 2022-08-11T16:36:03+00:00

' Another one bites the dust ' starts playing

betterme2610 · 2022-08-11T17:15:18+00:00

Just take the “why pay for milk when you can get it for free” to heart. Keep doing you and your own thing. Let her poke at those questions. Is what it is, but it makes it all easier. Women hate needy dudes, and if they wiff it just a smidge they’re out. Not saying you were particularly needy, but if they even think it.. it’s over

Shanbaceball · 2022-08-11T18:36:23+00:00

Dating in 30s is way easier. We know what we want theres no games and everything is more genuine thats why i dated much older men in my 20s the guys i wanted stability and most 20 something guys are just to immature and havnt grown into themselves, both guys and girls this age seem to be more self absorbed and selfish i know i was too.

No offence but most

MrHMoody · 2022-08-11T18:41:13+00:00

Don't fall in love

Use them as they use you

Simple

sparklingwinepapi92 · 2022-08-11T18:42:24+00:00

Google "serial monogamist"

hayrony · 2022-08-11T19:16:33+00:00

She probably has an insecure attachment style (probably avoidant) and wants to see ways in you to build intimacy. People want to be able to move towards intimacy but the other person usually messes up the flow. I’d read Models if you haven’t already.

VerySlump · 2022-08-11T19:18:52+00:00

Watch Dating & New York lol

Daddys_LiLGirl69 · 2022-08-11T19:21:50+00:00

They like the attention they get, gifts, sex without staying committed. Consider it friends with benefits tbh
Some girls take it far enough just to see if you’re worth their time or not
Other girls just toy around with others feelings which is super whack

Kurirai_M · 2022-08-11T19:25:55+00:00

Have you considered maybe there is something that you might be doing.

They are certain things that girls look for to commit to a guy.

Maybe you don’t have those qualities yet..

kathruins · 2022-08-11T20:17:57+00:00

all kinds of people do this. i fall for emotionally unavailable people all the time. it fuckin' sucks. i'm wanna try to stick to emotionally mature people who can communicate their feelings, but that sounds pretty difficult to find so who knows.

rwalsh138 · 2022-08-11T20:21:32+00:00

Women do this if they are at a certain level of attracted to you. They are attracted enough to give you a chance. Taking this time to give you a chance can make their attraction to you stronger or weaker. In this case, the woman gave it thought, and found that you weren't relationship-material for her.

You could keep seeing her if you keep it cool and don't mention relationship stuff, but if you bring all that up, she will label you as needy/clingy and desperate for a relationship.

roaphaen · 2022-08-11T21:17:19+00:00

People don't want what they can have.

They want what they can't have.

Daygamesimplified · 2022-08-11T21:50:27+00:00

Most of the time because you become dependent on her for happiness and stop being a challenge. We do the same thing to them

MyBossCallsMeDave · 2022-08-11T21:50:37+00:00

Hey, OP.

You might not like what I have to say but I am just offering an alternative point of view. I am a 25 year old woman who has received the same critiques from some of the people I have talked to in the past. I have also heard my straight guy acquaintances complain about similar behaviours from women they have talked to. After many discussions (and lots of reading), I think that it is worth considering the mismatch in how we are socialised to perceive intimacy in heterosexual relationships.

I often find that the men I have talked to perceive my honesty as me being vulnerable. Honesty and being open to being asked questions or talking about my experiences is not intimacy or vulnerability to me. I have honest and vulnerable conversations on a daily basis with friends and I am more than willing to have these conversations with men that I see the potential to be romantically involved with.

Basically what I am saying is that the physical and emotional intimacy, and the amount of time spent with the person you are seeing may be extraordinary to you but normal in the early stages of dating to them. I think that many men (at least where I am from) have very little experience with intimacy outside of romantic settings and when someone gives them kindness, comfort (and human decency) they become lovestruck before they even know you. In my experience it just feels like the guy likes the idea of you without actually getting to know you. I actually feel unseen when someone feels they know me when they don't. It is rare for me and the women I know to reveal our whole selves in a short space of time so even if you feel a spark you ought to give it time and space to become a flame otherwise you will smother it.

There are a lot of articles that dissect intimacy and the mismatch in the perceptions of intimacy in heterosexual relationships. It can be quite comforting to see that you might not be the only person having the problem but the problem is not about women in general (or the woman you dated either).

Unlucky_Science_2674 · 2022-08-11T21:56:52+00:00

I’ve found myself at both sides of the issue. She enjoys the intimacy you provide, but she likes having her options open because “she knows” she can do better and does want to settle Know your place and enjoy while it’s enjoyable

focus_flow69 · 2022-08-11T23:38:34+00:00

The trick is to never be the one to initiate the relationship.

You have to reverse the role and let her come to the conclusion she wants to be in a relationship with you.

18cmOfGreatness · 2022-08-12T04:26:37+00:00

When girls acts like this she shows that she isn't a relationship material. Period. By our biological default, having sex for a woman means risking pregnancy and is a greater investment than dating. If a girl meets you for weeks, having sex and fun with you but doesn't even try to make things serious, then she's for the streets. Such girls are good to keep as FWB, but why would you ever date one?

curly_peppa · 2022-08-12T18:31:54+00:00

Seems like she is a commitment-phobe, but that's not on you. Shitty of her to do tbh

Own-Salad1974 · 2022-08-13T19:04:24+00:00

Maybe tell her exactly what you said to us here

Title	Why do girls do this? [recovered]
Author	YGK321 [recovered]
Upvotes	525
Comments	272
Date	August 10, 2022 9:01 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/wl8p62/why_do_girls_do_this/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/why-do-girls-do-this.1252383 https://theredarchive.com/post/1252383

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