Daily Community Chat Megathread

AutoModerator · 2021-10-12T04:00:16+00:00

This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, etc... in...

[–]ChadThundagaCockBorderline Personality Wrangler 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Mark_Freedformer nice guy 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

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[–]Mark_Freed3 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

My cousin sister just told me about this guy who seduced her. I know this guy from MMA class, not very conventionally attractive face, but he has a good body and grapples very well.

The story was insane, the guy has such game. The way in which he made her comfortable, everything was so natural, he seemed to do all the PUA stuff implicitly. He acknowledged boundaries and let the sexual tension build, he talked about the girls he slept with not in a way to brag but to talk about how each girl taught him something about her culture.

Like it was a 3 hr conversation and this mad lad is just so good... I am just in awe of guys who have such great game. He has a girlfriend and my cousin knows this and still let things get quite heated. These trp ideas just keep getting validated. He never asked for explicit consent but she never felt uncomfortable, he was attentive to her body language and escalated so slowly and it was all so natural haha....

[–][deleted]7 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

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[–]Mark_Freed1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

haha no. But if I was this guy and if this was an experiment I don't think I would have told you.

But no really I am not this guy... If I wanted to conduct an experiment and say gather people's opinions on this I would have made a post. I was just casually talking about it in the daily thread because he was barely crossing most girls looks threshold and by working in martial arts, being assertive, have great game it turns out he is successful with women. It was a nice validation of red pill I heard.

I have terrible game, this girl I am trying to flirt with teases me and I keep taking everything she says literally haha. I try to reassure her I am not after her families wealth or that I am not creepy. When she was just joking around and bantering. You tend to feel awe when you hear about people who are way better than you at stuff. I think this guy is really cool in that sense. why did you think it was me and what kind of experiment do you think this is?

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My cousin has many males friends she hangs out with. Most crush on her and she doesn't let any of them get physical. This guy was a friend but he started talking about sexual topics when they were alone in a way that didn't creep her out.

It made her see him a sexual way. Then he wanted to show a video to her so he got her into the bed. Then they talked and it became 3 am. So he asked if could crash. Then when they slept he made sure parts of their bodies touched and hugged her. She seemed a bit uncomfortable so he backed off and he asked her if she wanted to turn. She turned and then he spooned her.

The next day she wanted to talk, he wanted to watch a movie first. He stood his ground and was assertive. Got her to watch the movie first. He was not doing all this stuff cause he planned it out. It comes naturally to him. So many small things, the way he talks. The way he builds pressure and releases it. Dude game exists for sure.

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Millions of years of evolutionary pressure to eat.

That's the thing, people seem to think you are on control of your body and your actions 100 percent of the time. And that isn't true, we are guided by our bodies all the time and we take credit for things that aren't in our control.

For example, you can't hold your breath until you pass out. You have the ability to control your breathing, yet you can't make yourself pass out. The same for a fat person who can control their eating but can't resist the hunger.

Hunger and breathing are two of our oldest evolutionary processes. The more we've learned about obesity has proven that it really isn't as in control as one would think. The same way that breathing really isn't on your control either.

It's kinda funny how people are so sure of themselves without even bothering to check current obesity science.

They think stop eating so much fatty, which hasn't been the science for 30 years now is the current scientific opinion.

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[–]RDelbsonMostly peaceful but fiery expert scientist 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (22 children) | Copy Link

I finally watched the film Titantic from start to finish for the first time ever. I now understand why it was so popular and grossed over 2 billion. It was a very well made movie and I now understand why Cameron is regarded as a great director. It was a good movie.

Now, how this relates to PPD: it was clearly a feminist movie. The female lead was suicidal at the beginning, but found her voice as the film went on. She practiced swinging an axe two times on a bookcase, with the two swings being wildly apart, but then she magically sliced the handcuffs in half perfectly off of Leo's character. She braved the cold rushing water to rescue him. She fought against her evil and oppressive classist mother, and showed her fiancee who's boss (you go gurl).

Unfortunately, it's this feminist angle that added to why the film was so popular. It reveals just how far the culture has been taken over by liberals.

I'm reminded of this 4chan greentext. Obviously the greentext minimizes the impact of Leo's character on the fictional woman's life, as it is true that he changes her life completely, and it's not fair in that the premise of the film is that she's sharing the story for the first time. But what the greentext gets correct is that the man who she fell in love with, who saved her from a miserable life with her fiancee, who took her virginity, who showed her how to be happy, stayed with her for 70 years, and lingered in the background of the marriage she had with her husband. That is a very important tell. That is why chastity before marriage in women has been considered important for hundreds of years in all societies. That's why today, on this forum, when men are being honest, they say they want virgins or low n count, since virginity has gone by the wayside.

[–]poppy_blumean girl 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]RDelbsonMostly peaceful but fiery expert scientist 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

If she hadn't slept with him, she would still have carried a torch for him for the rest of her life, but that torch would not have burned as bright. The act of him taking her cemented in her mind just how special Leo was, and made him that much more impressionable to her.

And you seem to be suggesting that someone who loses someone they loved deeply because they died (no ones fault) is somehow a bad person not capable of being a good partner because a part of them still loves their lost beau.

That is not what I am implying. What I'm implying is that there is something unique about a woman's first time (a man's first time too, but that is irrelevant to the plot of the Titanic). It's that unique, impressionable event that influences a woman's actions and behaviors. For some woman it influences them only a little, for others a lot.

The example of Kate Winslet's character and storyline shows us what it could be for a woman who is greatly influenced.

Seriously GMAFB.

Have you ever loved and been loved by someone that much?

Don't know the acronym and I view your argument as less convincing if you type in acronyms rather than complete sentences, and none of my arguments have anything to do with me or my experiences with love, so that is irrelevant.

[–]poppy_blumean girl 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

If she hadn't slept with him, she would still have carried a torch for him for the rest of her life, but that torch would not have burned as bright.

You know this how?

The act of him taking her cemented in her mind just how special Leo was, and made him that much more impressionable to her.

You know this how?

What I'm implying is that there is something unique about a woman's first time

Didn’t know you were a woman

It's that unique, impressionable event that influences a woman's actions and behaviors. For some woman it influences them only a little, for others a lot.

I must be an “oUtliR” then. Has zero influence or impact on my life.

Don't know the acronym and I view your argument as less convincing if you type in acronyms rather than complete sentences, and none of my arguments have anything to do with me or my experiences with love, so that is irrelevant.

Nice dodge

[–]RDelbsonMostly peaceful but fiery expert scientist 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

You know this how?

Inference. It is obvious in the storyline that she fell in love with him. If you cut out the scene where she sleeps with him, she still falls in love with him. Ergo, the torch still burns, but arguably less bright because she never shared a physical connection with him.

There's something unique about everyone's first time, unless that person truly is emotionally detached from the experience, which is true for only a small minority of people, and even less so for women because, let's be honest, women have higher neuroticism than men, meaning they are emotional about pretty much everything.

Your first time does have some influence on your life. It might be very little for you specifically. For others it might be a bit more.

I still don't know what the acronym is and I stand by the fact that if you can't complete full sentences it hinders your argument.

[–]angels-fanWhiny Whiner 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]RDelbsonMostly peaceful but fiery expert scientist -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

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[–]SKY_ACTIV3Purple Pill Man 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link

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[–]RDelbsonMostly peaceful but fiery expert scientist 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link

It was undoubtedly feminist, and it was marketed toward women. They go hand in hand. The reason why it was so successful with women is because of how feminist it was.
The impact of him being her first man stuck with her for the next 70 years, lasting through her adult life and while she was married.

Remember, at the end of the film, she's dying, and she's recounting this experience from 70 years ago. Since then she got married, had kids, had grandkids, but Jack Dawson (Leo's character) was always a part of her. Kate Winslet's character says this at the end. I'm arguing that what the greentext get's right is that women will fondly remember/stay in love with men even if they get married to another man. Probably not all women, but they are certainly capable of it, and screening for virginity/ low n (since the former is almost impossible to find nowadays) is a good way to protect against it.

[–]poppy_blumean girl 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]RDelbsonMostly peaceful but fiery expert scientist 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

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[–]dadainferno4514 points 4 years ago [recovered] (5 children) | Copy Link

She could have married the dufus she was supposed to marry as a virgin and she would not have been as bonded to him as she was to Leo's character.

[–]RDelbsonMostly peaceful but fiery expert scientist 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]dadainferno4516 points 4 years ago [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link

Well it puts a major wrench in your theory that screening for virginity or low-n count protects against anything. You kinda just threw that in as a non sequitur.

[–]RDelbsonMostly peaceful but fiery expert scientist 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

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[–]gimpgirl555Pick Me -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago* (21 children) | Copy Link

She agrees with a lot of red pill beliefs but still promotes marriage knowing why that is not a good investment for a man

I support marriage because men need a woman to take care of them. You need someone to cook your meals, do your laundry, and pay your bills. I also think that women should be chattel (cream your panties girls, you know it would be hot).

"B-but they're gonna take muh money"

Most men don't have anything to take buddy. No one wants your PlayStation 2.

bit argues if you just get a "pick me" like me you won't have problems in your marriage.

No. If you stop White Knighting and being into feels, then you won't have problems in your marriage.

You wouldn't be doing all this stuff if you weren't in a relationship, you're not a real pick me.

I have served a man as a provider and bangmaid for 20 years buddy. I do all the work, stay super lean, and pay for everything.

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I am jealous. I saw the Violent Femmes a couple times and in the old days Gordon Gano was a weird and twitchy but also super high energy. One time I saw him at a smaller venue in Toronto and he ran around stage screaming while stripping down to his underpants.

For weird/screechy breaking stuff when Henry Rollins got into random fights with audience members when he was with Black Flag and broke a lot of stuff was awesome.

For just WEIRD seeing The Residents was hard to top. They are out there.

I still have no idea what the fuck was going on on during one of their concerts like none. But nothing beats a bunch of persons dressed up in tuxedos wearing giant eyeballs on their heads jumping up and down and sort of whooping, I think they were. I was by far the most normal looking one in that audience.

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Men here are really eager to say that a woman not changing her name is a deal breaker, but none have volunteered to say exactly why.

I suspect most of these men who are saying it’s a “deal breaker” would never ever tell the woman their real honest thoughts on exactly why they feel a her name is so profoundly emasculating. A woman changing her name (or not) on it’s own doesn’t do whatever magical thing you think it’s supposed to do to her.

I’ll also point out that this is and Anglo-sphere tradition (and possibly some others, I don’t know), not a universal cultural value. There’s plenty of man globally who don’t feel “cucked” if she doesn’t take his name, because it’s not culturally expected at all, and women changing their names doesn’t have any of that meaning in their culture.

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Yeah checkmate, you’re right, you win! You’re the ultimate smartest man alive and every women is just a hysterical mess seizing and saying the word incel over and over again. Do you feel better? Like you won something? Do you feel like a champion who really made everyone think that feminists are big dummies who don’t have any actual arguments and they just somehow ended up getting rights at some point? Congrats, you formulated such a perfect and impeccable argument that generations of feminist research and progress just disintegrated as soon as you typed the first word. You’re more right than anyone has ever been, is that what you wanted to hear? Is that what makes you feel good, feel better? What if we stopped talking about stealthing as condoms altogether and only talked about the protection men need? What if we stopped talking about how more women are victims of domestic assault and only talked about how men are more likely to kill themselves? What if we stopped talking about how women make less money in the workplace with the same qualifications and instead talked about how hard it is for men to have to provide for their families? Any other suggestions for a truly fair and equal world where the real problems of men are always forefront and center and the only topic of the conversation? Is that your utopia? Goddamn, you’re a piece of work. Get some air, some sunshine once in a while, talk to some real people with other knowledge and opinions instead of your bubble on Reddit. It’s embarrassing.

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The normal man who has been able to date around at least a little bit can have low standards, but also be incredibly fickle. I think it's easy to label women who have been dumped by this kind of guy as a Chad chaser, but tons of women run into this kind of man regardless of his looks. Commitment-phobia is rampant.

[–]purplish_possum 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]throwaway2130913452 points 4 years ago [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link

I agree with your point, but I also think that commitment-phobic people operate in a way where they are willing to dump people in the same exact league.

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/u/ChibsFilipTelfordd, this guy thinks that anyone who has more than 1 option ever is a Chad. What do you say to that?

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Incredibly fickle can even mean not having any options at all. I’m friends with 5/10 men that make 1/4th of my salary who will actually sleep with a 5/10 woman and go on to tell me behind her back that she’s not pretty enough and that he doesn’t want anything serious. I’ve heard “eww commitment” at parties from dudes looking like Steve Buscemi.

Your comment is hardly grounded in reality. Most people date and fuck. Some people do without knowing what they want. That doesn’t equal a Chad.

[–]InfammoAbundance Fatality 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (17 children) | Copy Link

[–]throwaway2130913453 points 4 years ago [recovered] (16 children) | Copy Link

I still don’t think that having the ability to date around means you’re a Chad. Is that your point?

[–]InfammoAbundance Fatality 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (15 children) | Copy Link

[–]throwaway2130913452 points 4 years ago [recovered] (14 children) | Copy Link

Being fickle is a trait even an incel can have. I don’t think it supports the idea of being a Chad.

[–]InfammoAbundance Fatality 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link

Average men have difficulty dating successfully, and attracting individual women for a relationship is a noticeable personal investment for the average man. That's why if a man is "fickle," as in has superfluous or excessively stringent standards to which he holds his potential partners, and despite that is able to date around with enough success to be able bounce multiple women regretful enough to appear as "alpha widows" then that man is most likely significantly more attractive than the struggling "average" man and is therefore what would be called a "Chad."

Most men are not attractive enough to be needlessly choosey with the partners and still able to leave those high quality partners pining in their wake. A man who can do that is almost certainly a high value man in the dating market.

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[–]throwaway2130913452 points 4 years ago [recovered] (5 children) | Copy Link

Yes. I think some people live in a different reality.

[–]InfammoAbundance Fatality 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

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Why would I lie?

Your argument is like when men here say making 6 figures brings you to the status of gods. They’re living in another world and I’m living in mine. It’s also a means to justify their own adequacy issues. “If I consider myself a normal, attractive guy only getting laid once every few years, that means that anyone getting laid more than once a year is a Chad. It couldn’t be that I’m possibly below average.”

[–]InfammoAbundance Fatality 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

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It’s not just leftists, plenty of conservatives/right wingers hate incels for not living up to the standards of “real men”. Leftists hate them for breaking the gender power structure narrative they’ve created. Right wingers hate them for breaking the gender power structure narrative they’ve created.

On some level I understand the inclination to hate incels, they can act like annoying little roaches butting into spaces and flinging around talking points with no intention of responding properly. On the more extreme forums (which are some of the only ones left nowadays it seems like), there’s tons of awful bigoted opinions. It could be the far right recruiting, but incels don’t help themselves by not rooting out the extremism.

On another, it could just be dunking on an easy target and gaining brownie points (while also lowkey bragging that you get laid, unlike those yucky incels). Incels are like zombies in video games, they’re a universal, inoffensive target.

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One unfortunate consequence to my temp ban was that I spent a coffee break Googling the names of old friends back home, and discovered that a former lover of mine had passed away last year. I don't know the circumstances. Sadly we had argued over politics and hadn't spoken in years.

When I first knew him, he was a carefree hippie who had ditched the corporate rat race to graft antique apple trees, living in a ramshackle house he'd built himself on a big tract of land on the banks of a river. A kindred spirit. Later, during the Obama years, he took a hard right turn. He had always been a bit full of himself, obstreperous, but now became obnoxious. He started forwarding me all kinds of Internet tripe -- you know the kind -- and when I called him out for disseminating stuff without fact-checking first, he got huffy. Nasty emails were exchanged, and that was that. At the time I wasn't sorry -- I had developed (not for the first time) the disquieting sense that I had been sleeping with the village idiot, and no woman likes that. This was all before the Trump years but a precursor to them, perhaps. When I read about people who lost family members to QAnon conspiracies and other weird shit, I sympathize.

If I ever make it back to Michigan I've resolved to find his grave and either leave a bottle of Maker's Mark on it or piss on it, I haven't decided which.

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As a bit of a side project, I've been investigating the flat earth people, and what I've found is that they tend to not be objectively stupid (I mean some are) but more of a club/echochamber/etc that some people seem susceptible to. Its like 99% men and there is an aspect of the male mind which I think keeps wanting to connect the dots, figure it all out, trust no one (while absolutely trusting others), to feel they got it figured out and have some secret knowledge. The female version of this is spiritual/magic type stuff like astrology, wicca and the like.

What I'm saying is don't blame him too much, I have a collegue who is 100% conspriacy theory guy about everything, and I haven't even talked to him in the last 10 years, he was like this before social media made it worse. His story was he DID come into contact with a real conspiracy as a med student (without details for doxxing, discovered something commercial was harmful, AMA basically got his paper on it suppressed until damage control was done, BIG corporate involved) and that really primed him it seems to believe everything was a lie.

Really smart guy, really nice guy, but his brain just can't not see shadows everywhere.

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It doesn't negate anything. I'm just surprised at my instinctive disgust. Like I'm wondering if I really know her. If the actually holds some extreme beliefs she hasn't told me.

See just the fact that I can read men talking trash about women not flinch might be a red flag. The same way that she can read fds posts and not flinch at the toxic parts make me think she slightly agrees with them on these things. She is able to let it happen, not feel a need to call it out. I was banned and even then I made a new account to sometimes comment cause I couldn't lurk on fds without getting triggered. So can she casually browse fds?

I remember the joke griffy made, if a restaurant has bad service I won't suddenly say it's food has always been shit. I will acknowledge I had great food there and it was my fav restaurant. The past can't change so easily. But moving forward I will find it hard to give that restaurant patronage.

So yeah its my expectations around it. I kinds saw it coming but I was hoping I was wrong. I think she is quite sex positive and a radical feminist so like I said elsewhere I think we will agree on exactly what the toxic parts of fds is.

Honestly if she was more like me, i wouldn't mind her spending time on fds since I tend to engage intellectually and objectively rather than her who interacts emotionally, personally with the content. It's because of the kind of person she is that I am worrying.

[–]_mwk1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]Mark_Freed1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Yeah I'm doing the same thing she is doing but somehow I think I'm special and I can do it while I think most people can't? Especially her... Keeping a distance from the topic of study and staying psychologically disconnected isn't easy. Well this is just my analysis after the fact. I'm not that confident.

Well she knows I read red pill stuff and I don't think she thinks I'm toxic but I think I can find out.

Haha I'm objective and rational by comparison to other people I meet. It's a relative scale and part of being objective is to introspect and be very aware about your emotions, acknowledge it and choose what to act on. Supressing your emotions and ignoring them doesn't mean they don't exist anymore.

You are still affected by them. A lot “rational” people I know are just doing post as hoc rationalizations for their emotional decisions. I freely admit that a lot of decisions are primary emotionally dominated. System 1 thinking isn't so bad, system 2 is usually just a check and balance on it, it validates it. Most actions start from system 1.

Hmm I don't think so, I lurk fds too and like I said elsewhere I've seen good points. Logically I wang to stay friends with her, emotionally I've seemed to have lost some respect for her and any friendship needs trust and respect. I still trust her but respect was already in short supply because of now I disagree with her on so many things. This with add to the pressure but won't be the straw on the camel’s back.

Nah she didn't ask, she doesn't seem to want to talk about it. I had linked the verge article so that's what she might have assumed. I didn't hide my knowledge of pua, trp or fds stuff. I once told her what I think red pill is. I explained the whole manosphere to her lol. Most of my close friends know that I know a lot regarding trp.

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Yeah, sure. One or two of these traits of course doesn't guarantee anything, but the more of these traits they have, the higher the likelihood

Tattoos
- +1 for tramp stamps and thigh tattoos
Piercings (earrings don't count)
- +1 for belly button piercing
- +1 for tongue piercing
Non natural hair colors
- +1 if it's red
- +2 if she seems to change it every time you turn around
Fake lashes
Fake nails
Daddy issues
Seeming to be generally mentally unwell
Being a drunk
I don't know how to explain this one, but I usually hear something in their voice and the way they talk as well that is an indicator.

Now of course, some promiscuous women really don't seem it at first and you have to know them some to find out, and there is the rare promiscuous woman who has none of the above.

Also, these traits don't guarantee anything, I know some people might try to come for me, but alas, these are the patterns I've noticed, and that's why it may seem incredibly arbitrary.

I think it's got something to do with an increasing need of wanting to stand out, ergo needing attention and validation. Or these lifestyle choices coincide with people who are in environments where such activity happens.

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Now that we're starting to see representations of women from other races in beauty culture, some white women just can't stand not being in on the new "craze" and intentionally become "ethnically ambiguous" to cope...

accurate af. Although i think it's worse than just "seeing representation," it's that they are no longer desirable in the mainstream culture.

Most mainstream gen z men (at least that i know of) strongly prefer some ethnic features (the ass, the hour glass, the thighs, the big hair, the tan skin, etc.). White women have a hard time achieving these things without the gym so they are no longer the desirable.

Add the rise of anime, Kpop, etc. and alt nerd boys thirsting after Asian beauty, and they aren't the desirable for that group either

And lastly, add how extraordinarily annoying and entitled many white women have become, which pushes men away, and there really isn't much going for them.

[–]Notanothrshitthrow5 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

accurate af. Although i think it's worse than just "seeing representation," it's that they are no longer desirable in the mainstream culture.

Most mainstream gen z men (at least that i know of) strongly prefer some ethnic features (the ass, the hour glass, the thighs, the big hair, the tan skin, etc.). White women have a hard time achieving these things without the gym so they are no longer the desirable.

Yea mainstream tastes have certainly shifted away from exclusively white features (or at least what we see as "white features"), but it's not like white girls have suddenly become unattractive overnight. Celebrities like Margot Robbie are still upheld as the pinnacles of beauty, and conventionally attractive white girls irl are hardly struggling for attention.

It's purely a shallow obsession with being the "in" thing.

[–]nessaea-blue3 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]Notanothrshitthrow3 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

True, white women who play certain roles, like goth, can make do in mainstream.

I wouldn't say that white women have to fit into niche to be considered attractive in the mainstream, there's still a very healthy supply of white celebrities who are considered beautiful who don't have a niche, e.g. Margot Robbie, Anya-Taylor Joy (I know that she's part Argentinian but still very much presents as "white"), Emily Blunt, Olivia Wilde, Florence Pugh, I could go on.

idk if it is. The men I've talked to about this and sincerely don't like white chicks. They aren't playing some role or trying to be cool. I mean i don't like white white dudes either and I'm not trying to be cool.

Can't fault you for your own experience though I am surprised to hear it! I'm in my 20s and talk often with my brother who is a zoomer and I haven't noticed such a thing.

The only thing that I've really noticed is the shift in focus from boobs to ass, which the latter was often seen as a POC interest (have no other way of phrasing that 😂). Unfortunately having a phat ass is just yet another body standard that all women are pressured to have.

[–]nessaea-blue4 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

omg I'm not trying to argue that white women disappeared from the world, there are a million white actresses. I'm saying they are not the mainstream desirable. Who is most talked about in the media nowadays? Kardashians, Rihanna, Beyonce, Ariana Grande, Cardi B, Lizzo. Taylor Swift is the big exception, she's doing great.

Now think back to the 00s. The main people causing an uproar in the media were Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, Pink, Madonna, Brittany Spears.

It's a completely different vibe man, honestly it's insane to have witnessed it within my life time. You go to parties and all the play is rap, used to be pop. You go to the gym and all the girls are working on their ass.

I'm in my 20s and talk often with my brother who is a zoomer and I haven't noticed such a thing.

Could also be a regional thing. I'm right in the heart of liberal country. I'm sure things are very different in conservative areas. But i argue liberals rule the mainstream. If they didn't, country music would be bigger.

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It's far from clear that the various biases we have with respect to race and beauty primarily stem from cultural imperialism of some sort or another. That would be great, but is probably too hopeful and convenient. Most of this stuff runs deeper. Colorism is deep and almost universal, found even in Africa.

When I was in Korea, I noticed that the major cosmetic surgery trends involved basically making Asian women look more white: rounder eyes, double eyelids, nose jobs that gave a more Caucasian looking nose, skin lightening, etc. Back then, my first thought was European cultural imperialism. But turns out that these were ancient Korean and Asian beauty standards predating any Western dominance.

There's basically no guarantee that all the more distinct racial phenotypical traits would be considered equally attractive by people in general in some kind of culturally neutral world. In fact, quite the opposite is virtually certain.

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FATSO I didn't realize that I was short until I started reading incel sites like PPD

Now I've discovered that I have another social disability.

Recently a Redditor from Houston, Texas reliably informed us that his social group values only big guys. Apparently they prefer a man who is swole from lifting, but a man who is a “bear” (i.e is swole from calories) is acceptable.

They actively mock skinny guys. Slender is definitely out. It appears that even the slender women in the are down on the adiposity-challenged lads.

So my question is this ladies. How big does a guy have to be to tickle your fancy? How much lard should a fella pack to give you tingles? What's the best technique for fatty to display his pork? Waddle around the park? Jiggle down the aisle of Walmart? Perhaps display his consumptive abilities at an all-you-can-glut buffet?

s.i.d

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Lmao im glad someone is entertained. This is a nice anonymous venting space

I matched w a girl about one week ago on bumble and we discussed trivia (my profile includes a prompt saying " swipe left if: you're ready to take this L on trivia night")

I got her number before i flew back home for my cousins wedding

I made the mistake of drunk texting her at the rehearsal dinner on sat (wedding was sun) we were talking about dating histories and i thought she wanted to hear about mine because she was telling me about hers... Evidently not. Kinda hypocritical though. She insinuated she had a really high body count and i was like oh idc blah blah. Anyways she thought i was trying to make her jealous because i was honest about the fact that i have someone i am sleeping with currently. So basically she thought i was a douche.

Next time i won't broach that subject unless directly asked "are you sleeping with anyone else"

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I think the preference for non black women among successful black men is a little overstated. 90% of married black men have a black spouse. When you limit that to BM earning 100K plus it’s still 80%. I concede it could be regional, I live in the DC area and the above stats definitely bear out. Plus a lot of people date people of different races and aren’t locked down to one race— it’s always seemed bizarre to me that people think this way. Believe it not not both mr blu and I were previously engaged to white partners. Go figure.

That said black men do date out more than any other group of men. And when you couple that with as you noted the education gap, incarceration, high unemployment, etc. marriage minded black women who only want to date black men are fighting an uphill battle.

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Might be a regional thing. I know what you mean and my boyfriend has noted the same thing. He mentioned in NYC and DC, there’s bars full of upper class Ivy League black couples. In parts of California, it’s pretty succumbs to the stereotype of high clout black men with Kardashian-esque women, white washed fratty black men with white/Asian/Latina eomen, or lower class black men with large white women.

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The thing I did was a little more extreme than usual. I do it as a nice change up every now and then to do something different when I have extra energy. I thought he liked it. At least the first times- like you said- of course he said he liked it, it's usually the best part. It's usually the best part. But this particular time every little thing was like setting him off. I felt like I was doing the deed on a bed of eggshells. It's all connected- it's an issue that needs discussing. If we were going at it like rabbits 3 times a week or more, I could see if maybe one time he wasn't feeling it as much. But when I'm feeling extra energy and putting in effort for our first time in like a month, damn it is really really discouraging to be met with that type of attitude. Like why bother?

Full disclosure here. My husband is circumcised, he has been attempting restoration. He may be experiencing sensitivity issues in some form or another. He did kinda... finish fast. That was my other theory: maybe he himself has been feeling a bit less than confident and he started projecting it onto me. Either that or, in combination with sensitivity, he actually did use porn too recently. It seems similar to what other women report from porn users, but my husband claims not to and obviously I have "trust issues" if I don't believe him. He already knows my position, so it would be unlikely to be a pleasant conversation even though I'm up to it and I'm up to being non-judgmental (not open to being a doormat or changing who I am though).

[–]ChibsFilipTelfordd1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

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[–]houstongradengineer1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Im guessing the stressor has to do woth being broke...

Yes, which we are making out way out of poverty slowly but surely. It's actually not even that slow anymore. We're doing pretty well and only going to do better, I hope.

It is a hard thing to say that I don't feel pretty like I need to. It's a really hard thing to say, to a man who already has a really hard head. Working through this is not going to be the easiest thing it the world. But if we can make it through that would be great.

My husband has a past with dark spots and was forced into court ordered group therapy as a teen. He recalls it as being humiliated in front of his peers who also had issues. I said "look I realize you had a tough experience and I'm sorry, but I surely think the therapist was trying to help because that's his job" and he flat out said "no, he was trying to make fun of us." So yeah that's his experience with therapy.

[–]ChibsFilipTelfordd1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

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[–]houstongradengineer1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

I think if I'd only been giving half-ass effort, or if I was bored and spent from experiences past, I would be less demanding to be honest. But with that he would get less efforts and I might even put in so little as to give up entirely. But no, this has been everything I have to give largely because it's been the only sexual relationship I ever had.

I think he had a shitty attitude the other day unfortunately. Thats not him in general. I think an attitude where I could be called pretty without begging might be preferable. He really really doesn't think it's an issue at all. He said what you said, that I'm neurotic and I just need to believe that he loves me after all these years. But what he doesn't get is that it doesn't seem normal for a man who loves his wife to only call other ladies pretty and only rarely touch his wife. Even if he loves me for what I do for him, and I'm sure he does, there's a lot more to marriage and romance than that.

[–]ChibsFilipTelfordd1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]houstongradengineer1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

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[–]houstongradengineer1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Define extreme. I wouldn't theoretically stay in a failed marriage if, for example, my husband went around complimenting others but did not compliment me or uplift me. That would be a pretty extreme problem in my book. With that being said, statistically many marriages seem to suffer and fail from this type of unsustainable curcumstance, so statistically it might not be as "extreme" a case as we like to believe.

I've complimented people outside my marriage before, but I also compliment my husband regularly because I actually like lovw him and I actually w joy putting the effort into bonding with him. I think when a partner fails to do that to a certain extent, they are no longer fully committed as you claimed to be. There is always room for improvement in temporary situations, but after a certain period of time you just have to realize who people have chosen to become.

My worst fear isn't my husband thinking another woman is prettier than me, or even my husband cheating on me or using porn to excess. My worst fear in the marriage would be that he would continue over an extended period of time to focus on those things instead of actually giving the marriage the effort it needs to be decent, like good sex and compliments every now and then. I can't do it all on my own, no one can. That would be my extreme.

I don't think anyone does any good by putting the "institution" of marriage above 2 people who are clearly miserable together over a long period of time and cannot fix it. I married my husband so he'd be there at my death bed, and get my belongings after my death. I married him so we could spend our time before death living together and having good times together. That's actually what he said when he proposed to me, that he believed we had so many more good times left to spend together. It does no good for people to be at each others' death beds if they don't like each other anymore. Who would want that? I'm thinking practically here, but that's in no way a good reason to say that all the marriages that end are from people who tried their best. I'm sure that isn't the case for all marriages, like Kim Kardashians marriages for example. She divorced within days from one dude, and then went on to marry another early insane dude. Like wtf lol

[–]ChibsFilipTelfordd1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Define extreme?

-- cheating

-- financial, physical, or continual emotional abuse

-- continual controlling or narcissistic behavior

Those are just some examples off the top of my head.

Not complimenting you enough is NOT grounds for divorce. I'm sorry, it's just not. It indicates to me that you don't consider the institution of marriage seriously. I thought when you were dating you thought marriage was incredibly important? You didn't have sex before getting engaged, right? So what changed. Why is marriage something that you consider ending over a conflict involving unintentional hurt? WITHOUT even discussing it, you're considering leaving him. I understand your hurt from him not complimenting you enough, but oh my god do you know how silly it sounds to consider blowing your life apart over it?

I think when a partner fails to do that to a certain extent, they are no longer fully committed

Certainly when it occurs over YEARS, and the partner is both aware of the issue and refuses to fix it. You're taking something concerning but immediate and you're turning it in to the equivalent of a 20 year marital feud. I get it, you're neurotic like i am and your mind goes to the worst possible outcome. That's why you're scared he's using porn even though its nearly 100% likely that he's not since he knows you consider it cheating. And accusing him of it WOULD be just your neuroses speaking. I had an inkling of bad behavior from my ex but i held my tongue until i found concrete evidence of the bad behavior.

that he believed we had so many more good times left to spend together. It does no good for people to be at each others' death beds if they don't like each other anymore.

Are you insinuating that you believe him complimenting an ex and criticizing your sexual technique means he doesn't like you anymore? Ummmmm... No, that's not what it means.

He's at fault for not telling you about the sexual things earlier, but that doesn't mean he's not attracted to you. He's inconsiderate to talk about his ex in a positive light with you but that doesn't mean he doesn't like you. You're blowing this WAY out of proportion to what the actual actions were.

Not to mention you haven't considered the consequences of your actions.

Consider whats out there on the dating market, exemplified by PPD, typified by pop culture. You don't do casual sex. You don't want a real abuser. You probably also don't want to be alone. So this is your choice? You'd rather take your chances as a divorcee on the dating market?

-- you won't get the conservative or traditional men who think of sex as a beautiful bonding experience because you aren't a virgin

-- you won't get the normal society guy because you're against sex before commitment

-- you're risking dating a manipulator or abuser

Your dating pool will be limited almost exclusively to single dads, widowers, etc.

[–]houstongradengineer1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Marriage is extremely important to me. But that assumes BOTH parties like each other and actually uplift each other, honestly to the exclusion of others in some cases like sexually. If you must know... I wasn't engaged before I slept with my husband, but we were in love and pretty serious. We were also quite young, so while we discussed marriage we just didn't make a timetable for it.

You're assuming the hurt is unintended, but do you really think my husband is so stupid that after bringing it up a few times he can't tell that I'm legitimately hurting? I'm not ready to call it a permanent problem in need of permanent solutions just yet. But I'm certainly on the lookout for if the problem can be changed at all.

Are you insinuating that you believe him complimenting an ex and criticizing your sexual technique means he doesn't like you anymore? Ummmmm... No, that's not what it means.

I definitely think it's a possible sign of him not liking me. You could call it neurotic all you want... but every man knows his wife would like to be complimented every now and then when he can find it in himself. It's been more rare than you can imagine. At least it feels rare to me. I can't remember a time when he did it without being asked, which just kind of makes it seem like I'm unwanted. I'm not trying to be selfish here. I genuinely don't want him to be miserable with someone he doesn't like any more than I'd want to be miserable myself. I still care about him a lot. It's hard to tell what exactly his feelings are when he has such difficulty expressing them sometimes, I guess. I know I need to get us talking about that more. Of course, guys naturally usually hate that and I don't want to make him hate me even more than he already might...

I don't mind being alone. Depending on certain factors, I'm not entirely opposed to single dads or widowers or even slightly older men. Any of that would be preferable to watching my husband struggle to express affection in certain ways to the only woman he is supposed to be with. It breaks my heart in ways I'm not sure if you can imagine.

And by the way, that's very kind of you to assume my husband loves me enough to take my boundaries seriously regarding porn. I certainly hope he is. It's just that, for a man who enjoys being sexual so much and even chose a past partner on sexual attraction, I've got to wonder what he's been doing more recently for sexual release after typically up to a month or even a few weeks. I'd like to talk to him about it, but it's not an easy conversation to open up...

ETA: for the record, I don't believe in controlling other people, and I wouldn't want to think my boundaries are the only reason a person has to change a critical habit. I'd rather him actually want to just choose to only be with me and seek out to look at me naked sexually, in person ideally.

[–]ChibsFilipTelfordd1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Yes, your husband is a man. Men are often oblivious to causing others pain. I think you probably think you're clearer in expressing your dislike for his actions than you actually are; its incredibly common in LTRs for one party to think that their expressions are abundantly clear but then in reality the other person is completely blindsided when they blow up.

No, it's not a possible sign of him not liking you. If he didn't like you? you'd know. You wouldn't have to wonder. My dad began to dislike my mom after about 6-7 years of marriage when i was around 3 or 4. It was so abundantly clear that there was no questions or wondering about it. He refused to even look at her or converse with her and took longer and longer business trips to get away. In fact -- criticizing your sexual technique is a sign he DOES like you, because he's giving you feedback on what he likes or doesn't like.

Some men don't give compliments out like candy like women do. Women comment on eachother ALL the time, and hell, it gets annoying and fake. If you want to be complimented more you can tell him that, but him not complimenting you doesn't mean he hates you, it means hes a man. Especially since you said before that he's not really in touch with his emotions. That makes me think that even if he wanted to compliment you he wouldn't know how to do it.

If your biggest problem in a marriage is that your husband isn't in touch with his emotions or able to express them coherently, then count your lucky stars.

Of course he takes your boundaries seriously. I would never date the type of woman who is sex- negative to the point that she sees pornographic use as equal with fucking another woman, but i'm assuming you made your viewpoints on porn abundantly clear from the get-go, which means he was on board with it or else he wouldn't have tied the knot. If my partner told me to quit looking at porn because she felt it was cheating, I'd do it if our sexlife was satisfying enough for me to not feel the need to consistently masturbate. Which with the girl i am currently seeing, is the case. With my ex, it was not the case.

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I saved my virginity for this man. He's the only one I've ever been with. My money goes into a joint account with this man. I babysit the child of this man's brother, as my own niece. I thought good sex was supposed to be happening. I certainly haven't gotten bored.

So if I'm blowing occasional negative things out of proportion, it's definitely because the good side of being shown sexual affection and compliments is not being met nearly enough. 3d ironic statement, probably.

I genuinely have a hard time sympathizing with manosphere men making these things into men's issues when, clearly, I've always been the one in my relationship experiencing such things.

Of course I want to be loved for me. I always wanted that. And I also thought he wanted me for my sensual loving. It's not hard to know I can be loved for who I am. Who are we kidding? I'm smart, caring, agreeable, responsible, strong. I know any man would be lucky to have me as a person, though many would be too stupid to see it. What I want is just some damn intimate loving, too. How hard can it be? It never was difficult before...

[–]peteypete783 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

So if I'm blowing occasional negative things out of proportion, it's definitely because the good side of being shown sexual affection and compliments is not being met nearly enough. 3d ironic statement, probably.

Blowing things out of proportion is never the healthy way of dealing with things as you will put him on the back foot and likely to end up in an argument.

There will always be times in a marriage where the sex will suffer but its how you deal with that will determine how it turns out.

I feel I have spoken to you before about this a few months ago, are you the one who had a health issue and some money issues causing the stress?

Of course I want to be loved for me.

And it seems like you have that.

I genuinely have a hard time sympathizing with manosphere men making these things into men's issues when, clearly, I've always been the one in my relationship experiencing such things.

And yet it should mean you are able to sympathize with them (they will make it seem a man problem as it seems to happen to men more)

What I want is just some damn intimate loving, too. How hard can it be? It never was difficult before...

So you need to get to the bottom of his stress and help him to deal with it better.

[–]houstongradengineer2 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

There will always be times in a marriage where the sex will suffer but its how you deal with that will determine how it turns out.

I feel I have spoken to you before about this a few months ago, are you the one who had a health issue and some money issues causing the stress?

Yes, that was me. I understand his stress somewhat. I've put up with lower frequency; with a relationship mostly about chores. I get that, and I don't always ask for the absolute most. But at a certain point where you're in bed and it becomes... off... you just know there's a problem more than stress. I felt it in bedroom, and I felt it too when he complimented his ex while looking at me like a damn sister. I could be wrong, it could be be I my head, but now many dudes are out here who can't enjoy sex with their wives?!?!

And yet it should mean you are able to sympathize with them (they will make it seem a man problem as it seems to happen to men more)

Well I don't see it happening more to men... so...

So you need to get to the bottom of his stress and help him to deal with it better.

I got this man 10 interviews, which he will most likely be able to use to leave his physically demanding job very shortly. But that wasn't enough- now he's still saying after 7 years that (basically) I semi-suck at sex sometimes and he's still always "tired." Fuck me, right? I'm gonna try to talk to him, but I'm almost at the end of my damn rope.

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While I probably would have reacted like you did, from an unbiased outsiders perspective …

You need to not give into the temptation to be bitchy and passive aggressive about it. And if you’re like me, that’ll be difficult

But what will be more productive is sitting him down and explaining how it makes you feel when he makes excuses for not complimenting you when actually throwing you a compliment would be quicker and make you (and him by extension) happier

Explain how invalidating that is, and then explain how it makes it that much more painful to hear compliments about his ex. And how that is bleeding over into the bedroom

Personally, I would also explain that while he may feel this is a stupid or insignificant issue, it’s the start of massive, massive issues

So unless he has a long term goal of an estranged marriage or divorce - with all its financial, legal, and emotional fallout - he needs to listen to you, now, while you’re still capable of being vulnerable and asking for his help in becoming a team again

Then, if that doesn’t work, it may be time to employ what TRP calls dread game - and show him how many other men would welcome the chance to build up your ego

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Is this like a recurring thing? Does he use porn like 99% of men? Or did he stop for you?

He's told me he doesn't use it... so even if I've seen some things to the contrary, I'm essentially calling him a liar just by pointing out what I see. I need to be thoughtful about how to approach this without putting him on the defensive

I remember the last time we had a conversation about this, actually. He said our niece is a manipulative little girl and that's how most girls are. I, understandably offended, told him that I actually didn't want a boy because they would likely end up struggling with porn one day. He said "women do it too" and he didn't even want to talk about the stats showing just how many men watch it. He basically said that most people just aren't like me, and I need to be aware of my own biases. That was the end of the conversation, though.

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[–]houstongradengineer1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

That is a very weird reasom for not wanting a boy.

It's not the same because 99% of men do use this, and I've seen more women negatively affected by it than you seem to admit. Not to mention the awful things I've heard happening in the industry. In order to put that into a healthy perspective for a young boy, I find myself with my lack of brothers and past lovers that I would be very incompetent at addressing those issues. It'd be a genuine fear. Luckily we are childfree for now. Whereas 99% of women are not sluts, and even sluts don't actually cause other human beings pain or usually have an issue firming meaningful relationships

Abnormal or not, it's how I am. There's a reason I choose to share everything important to me with 1 person. If that can't be appreciated, it's a tragedy in my book.

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I posed this as a QUESTION. I'm not an expert on how many men are able to love- though the statistics I know about would show that enough men who hookup are unwilling to even spend a few minutes making sure their sex partner also orgasms, and that seems to indicate a real emotional problem.

I also know that sexualizing women can be dehumanizing

So I'm not meaning to say that porn is a direct root cause of hate/lack of love. I'm not about to say that all porn users can't love. But I don't think it's ridiculous at all to say that present day porn presents a journey full of obstacles for many (if not most) young boys. You must keep in mind the context of this conversation: we are talking about a possible son for whom I would be responsible. More than anything, I'm acknowledging that I don't have the tools to get a boy or boys through that journey. Props to all the parents who do.

I admit there might be a selection bias here. I usually make friends with nice women and make note of all the bad men to avoid. Selection bias right there. Plus I do read women's forums like you said, so what I see is women acknowledging these issues on a grand scale, making it seem more prevalent than it is. I'll grant that.

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I’d like to have sex once or twice a week, It’s currently more like once or twice a month but it’s hard to put exact numbers on it as we are currently long distance for one more semester of school.

The sex is good when we have it for the most part. The penetrative stuff is great for both of us, fingering is hit and miss depending on the day, she doesn’t like oral at all unfortunately.

Both our lives are very stressful right now due to school. She is typically a very stressed out person to begin with so this isn’t helping much.

We’ve lived together for 4 of the 6 years but are currently apart due to school. I do touch her throughout the day when we live together but I don’t think it does much for her tbh she seems to shrug it off as me just being horny. We do sleep in the same bed.

We are both fit and healthy, she is on birth control which I’ve tried to get her to stop because I’m worried about it’s effects but she’s too worried about getting pregnant

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For him, it definitely is better narrative wise to say the league kicked him out than to return and be exposed for the terrible QB that he was after he signed the max extension and the team had to cut costs elsewhere.

The Niners had built a complete team that a terrible QB could ride to the SB with. They were stacked everywhere. OL, RBs, WRs, DL, LBs and DBs. After he signed that extension and they had to cut a few losses elsewhere and even brought a coach in to maximize his skill set and he still sucked, and he wouldn’t take a back up job elsewhere, it was time for him to leave the league. That’s just the nature of the game.

Financially, it was just better for him to take the sorta-kinda $10M settlement than to actually try 32 men with unlimited resources when all he had liquid was $50M at best.

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Title	Daily Community Chat Megathread
Author	AutoModerator
Upvotes	8
Comments	1069
Date	October 12, 2021 4:00 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/q6dlce/daily_community_chat_megathread/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/daily-community-chat-megathread.1079990 https://theredarchive.com/post/1079990

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