I've read many statements from men on PPD which state that mental illness in a woman is a massive red flag, and immediately renders said woman undateable.
I have also saw the same statement genderswitched in subs such as FDS. If a man has a mental illness, he is "low value", and is therefore undateable.
Now, I do understand that there are people out there who take the piss with their mental issues - they do not seek treatment; they use their partners as a free therapist; and they engage in behaviour with exacerbates their symptoms. For the purpose of this hypothetical: I am NOT talking about a person like this.
Let's say our hypothetical man:
Suffers from one of the more common mental illnesses (depression, anxiety, OCD).
It has a medium impact on his life (a comparable level of impact to physical ailments such as type 1 diabetes or celeriac).
He has sought psychological treatment and therapy which was useful, but ultimately the symptoms have proved to be chronic.
He keeps his condition under control with a combination of therapy techniques, medication, and meditation.
He does not use you as a private therapist - in fact, he doesn't really like discussing it with you at all, and prefers to deal with his problems in private.
The illness does not manifest in such a way that it makes him violent or controlling, and he does not engage in behaviours or habits which worsen his symptoms.
Essentially, what we're talking about here is a man who is the stereotypical "average" person who suffers with mental illness. He has a medium impact chronic mental condition and takes appropriate steps to keep it under control. Nevertheless, despite his efforts to minimise its effect on his partner, it is something which is always there, lurking beneath the surface.
For example: The depressive has a day or two every few months where he doesn't want to do anything except lie in bed. The anxiety sufferer always has to have everything planned out with an itinerary or he can't go. The OCD sufferer spends half an hour checking the doors and windows before bed each night.
Is this man undateable, in your eyes? Is there a level of mental illness which is "acceptable", or is any indication of imperfect mental health and immediate dealbreaker for you?
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Personally, I can’t date a guy who’s on meds. Tried that before and the side effects from the meds were toxic. Made him angry, and withdrawn.
So I guess I shouldn’t be with a guy who struggles with mental illness.
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