Never beg a man to marry you

thewetdog_ · 2021-11-20T22:45:44+00:00

Now I’m wondering if this guy “travels for work” and he has a whole family some place else.

Jandi18 · 2021-11-21T00:06:58+00:00

Men casually just marrying someone they hate. I will never understand that

klops_fighter · 2021-11-20T21:00:16+00:00

The thing she is missing is the other girlfriend

Dstar538888 · 2021-11-20T23:12:52+00:00

why would you want to get married to a man that you had to beg??

BlueSkiesOverLondon · 2021-11-20T20:51:49+00:00

He doesn’t want other women to see that he’s married so he’ll have better chances to cheat/“trade up” and it’s really obvious.

SayNad · 2021-11-20T20:31:20+00:00

Sometimes I wonder what's going on inside the mind of these women to NOT SEE THE DAMN RED FLAG LITERALLY PUNCHING THEM IN THE FACE!!!

That brain fog from extreme denial and patriarchal brainwashing is scary indeed.

VelvetKnuckleduster · 2021-11-20T21:48:46+00:00

He already told her he didn't want to be married to her. Maybe not in those words, but he made it very clear. She insisted on pushing ahead anyway and he rolled with it, probably because having her around was more convenient than finding a new woman.

She's uncomfortable because she knows this on some level and she knew it back then too but didn't listen to her gut.

seraphinelysion · 2021-11-20T21:11:45+00:00

Oh, honey, he doesn't love you. He doesn't even LIKE you. 😬🤦‍♀️

MyLifeIsWandsXIII · 2021-11-20T20:17:36+00:00

I can just imagine the proposal. Him begrudgingly getting down on one knee while she's all emotional and happy and he just rolls his eyes and is thinking that he is finally getting it over with so she can finally stop "nagging" him.

2340000 · 2021-11-20T20:07:04+00:00

WHY did she do that? This post made me CRINGE😬

Ladies, marriage will not validate you. Nor is it that important. FFS.

Ugh. She deserves better.

HappyCoconutty · 2021-11-20T20:19:06+00:00

He isn’t posting a pic cause he isn’t proud of her and doesn’t care that this gesture is meaningful to her. He will try to say he doesn’t care about social media, but it’s the opposite. If he didn’t care, it wouldn’t be an issue to post it or claim her online, but he cares a lot about how he is perceived.

He thinks he can do better but has settled for her in the meantime for whatever tax or housing benefits. I bet he tries to hide her in certain social circles too.

Dstar538888 · 2021-11-20T23:14:10+00:00

I feel the reason he doesn't want to post you is because he's acting single online...you've been dating for several years and you don't find it odd that he doesn't want to post a pic of you 2 at all?

vforvendetta87 · 2021-11-20T20:58:19+00:00

Homeboy is hiding something…🤫🤭

miss_peach94 · 2021-11-20T23:24:15+00:00

He doesn't want to scare off his potentials

EffectiveHoneydew422 · 2021-11-20T23:43:09+00:00

I bet he keeping a whole other wife secret. Why do these men like to make multiple women unfulfilled and miserable?

katiekat0214 · 2021-11-20T20:44:58+00:00

Honestly, this sounds like my LVX. Debbie Downer in every possible way, always all about CONTROL, and a total party pooper. Of course I left him. I made all the mistakes she made except for buying a house together (Thank GOD we rented, what a saving grace in the end). This is just such sick, sick control, not only of money, but of her happiness. That man is a GRINCH at heart, if he even has one. I should know, I divorced one!

BookwormJane · 2021-11-20T21:12:18+00:00

This poor woman will never understand this man married her not out of love, but out of convenience. He never truly wanted to get married to begin with. It will either be a miserable marriage or divorce will come very soon.

all_or_nothing_bet · 2021-11-20T21:54:47+00:00

Because he is saving himself for his "dream girl", the "love of his life", that surely will materialize any day now, while taking a tax advantage of a married man. If only that annoying place holder of a "wife" would keep quiet.

SpecificPatience8 · 2021-11-20T20:21:24+00:00

She is a starter wife

Novemberinthechair · 2021-11-20T23:21:13+00:00

Wow. I wonder how many side pieces he has.

gingerandlime · 2021-11-21T00:46:03+00:00

Several years ago, I went on a couple of dates with a man who eventually disclosed that he had been married to a woman for… I think it was health insurance sharing reasons? And that she then got mad when he didn’t want to “act married” in terms of involvement with each others’ family and such.

Then he disclosed that they still LIVED TOGETHER and although they were divorced (I think? My memory on this is vague) she was for some reason upset that he was dating.

I can’t imagine why. /s

ironglaciers · 2021-11-21T01:22:22+00:00

Never "convince" a guy to date you, either.

The_Moon_Piece · 2021-11-21T02:46:21+00:00

Gnarly flashbacks reading this. My NVX wanted to marry me and insisted on us having a wedding party, but as soon as we got married he completely changed. One of the things that really fucked with my head was his refusal to share our wedding on social media, or even the fact that he had gotten married. He ended up deleting Facebook instead. One of countless red flags.

Sigh. Never beg a man for bare minimum, ladies.

cherieblosum · 2021-11-20T22:50:52+00:00

He's probably cheating on her.

herbivorouscarnivore · 2021-11-20T21:25:13+00:00

Is it bad if my eyeballs start bleeding…no, wait. It’s not blood. My vision is just obscured by all the red flags.

nattyhattie · 2021-11-20T22:46:22+00:00

Sounds miserable. I’m guessing they’ll be the kind of couple that’ll have kids, and he’ll work insane hours and take up a load of hobbies so he never has to be home. And she’ll be shouldering all the domestic stuff and childcare and wondering why she’s so unhappy.

I hope she gets out of there.

FUBARfromLSA · 2021-11-21T00:36:37+00:00

I wonder how many other wives he was able convince not to put up their pictures? Because the way I’m seeing this- she’s not his only wife.

sleutherino · 2021-11-21T03:21:47+00:00

I saw this post and it just made me sad. Sad for her and sad for the normalization of this kind of dynamic. Ya'll, we do NOT beg men for marriage.

It's not a "favor" that he's gifting to you, that is not the way you want to start out your marriage, where you "owe" him for being with you. Fuck that kind of relationship.

frostedgemstone · 2021-11-21T01:06:04+00:00

That’s so sad.. he is either embarrassed or ashamed of her, is still not commitment-minded despite being married already, or wants to pose as a bachelor. Or all the above. I can’t even express how disappointing that is

ccro7 · 2021-11-21T04:07:26+00:00

To this woman I would say:

He hates you. Throw the whole man away.

He wouldn't treat anyone else in his life the way he's treating you. In his mind, you're not his ally, you're his enemy.

Get rid of him. No more pearls before swine.

drizzy_c · 2021-11-21T00:20:11+00:00

Oy vey. To just ignore a sea of red flags?! The comments on that post are trash, save for like, 2. Reading her responses, she’s in some kind of total delusion. Getting him to post on social media is the least of her worries after reading all that…

MagickalChilde19 · 2021-11-21T04:08:56+00:00

Just throw the whole man away. He sounds like a disgrace.

yeahhh22 · 2021-11-20T19:52:59+00:00

Cheating

xfelugirlx · 2021-11-20T22:39:25+00:00

He doesn’t love you and don’t wanna to show you off, even men i dated put me in their profile pictures they could be nvm (they were indeed) but they knew i am gorgeous and they always want people to see their achievements and now you are his WIFE and he don’t wanna show it to the world?? There is something bad

basicbiddy · 2021-11-20T21:56:35+00:00

I feel sorry for her. Weddings and engagement aren’t supposed to be this stressful. He’s such a douche for ruining a milestone for her. He knows how much people value weddings and he’s purposely making it stressful and not fun…..

onceuponasea · 2021-11-21T00:38:22+00:00

Oh sis no

MajesticSkyPachyderm · 2021-11-20T22:09:11+00:00

🙄

Ashamed-Reputation-2 · 2021-11-21T05:00:21+00:00

He hasn't posted on social media since 2017 and they've been together for about 4-5 years and it's now 2021..... IF 2 + 2 EQUALS 4 !!! Do the math babes 🥴😭

Equal-Ear2312 · 2021-11-21T05:57:31+00:00

just get married in silence

after years of being together and buying a house together?

get married in secret / silence spells that this man has a double life. no, he's not shy and fed up with big gatherings. no,no, no. he is deliberately trying to portray and uphold the single life on social media because that's where he gets the pussy.

warinmymind94 · 2021-11-20T23:01:05+00:00

He hates her. It's apparent. He doesn't care about her and is fighting her on everything. This is where those guys who start negging you will turn into of you entertain them, this is why you block and delete asap.

laurencetrishburn · 2021-11-21T04:06:39+00:00

I can bet my money he is cheating/has cheated.

good-day-throwaway · 2021-11-21T09:00:15+00:00

One of my closest friends is doing this with her boyfriend. They've been together for 6 years. And he is half-assing and beating around the bush with regards to asking for her hand in marriage. She tells me that she is tired of nagging him to ask her too. And I'm just...livid at this man for being utterly garbage, and I am so close to telling her that he ain't worth shit if this is how he's going about it.

Also, more horrifically, she works in a male-dominated field and her male co-workers constantly say the most misogynistic bullshit. One of them fully admitted that he wasn't sure if he wanted to marry his current wife but just asked her anyway and now he says that 'it worked out' i.e. she probably works her ass off cooking and cleaning on top of her full-time job while he sits on his ass and plays mobile phone games.

And I'm like, can you not see that your boyfriend is going down this same route? Do not be a placeholder!

leekykeeks · 2021-11-21T07:40:45+00:00

He is either a) actively cheating or b) thinking about actively cheating. This woman lost. He'd respect her more if she dumped him out of the blue.

LizzoSaidTruthHurts · 2021-11-21T15:57:40+00:00

“What am I missing here?”

You’re missing that he didn’t want to marry you.

souredskittles · 2021-11-21T04:55:31+00:00

Cheating, obvious Cheater.

squashmybutternuts · 2021-11-21T05:55:00+00:00

who wanna bet he got a secret harem of wifeys lmao chud

TriggeredQuilt · 2021-11-21T10:45:34+00:00

Why did it take him not wanting pics on social media for her to not feel comfortable about their relationship! What about begging him for marriage? Having the wedding you didn’t dream of? Socials is the last straw? It sounds like she wanted an Instagram marriage and was too blind to notice her man doesn’t give a shit about her. 🤡

woadsky · 2021-11-21T07:19:03+00:00

This reminded me of what happened with a boyfriend a long time ago. We had our picture taken together and when he saw it he didn't like it. (It wasn't anything specific about how he looked, it was more like he didn't like the overall vibe of the two of us). I remember being sad and irritated, but alas I stayed with him for a while after that. Deep down I knew he didn't really like me, let alone love me. I finally -- finally -- broke it off.

Determinedblonde · 2021-11-21T10:45:51+00:00

Divorce and take his shit! She invested over 4.5 years, may as well get something out of it.

AnniaT · 2021-11-21T11:43:42+00:00

He's cheating on her and doesn't want the mistress and other people to know he's married. This man doesn't care about her.

NotMyRealName814 · 2021-11-21T19:00:17+00:00

What she's missing here is that the guy probably has several side girlfriends he doesn't want to see the wedding photos and he never wanted to get married in the first place. I hate to say it but this woman is really dense. She should cut her losses, get a divorce and find someone who loves her and wants to marry her.

stinkylittlecat · 2021-11-21T23:39:06+00:00

Ex never once posted a photo of us on social media in over a year. Never even took any, unless I asked. We went on a good handful of vacations together, where I took photos of him or our friends maybe took a group shot. He never once took a photo.

After I dumped him for many other reasons, he got a new girlfriend, a younger, hotter woman with bigger boobs. A whole album of their "adventurous" hike went up on his social media in less than a month of photos he took (he's unfollowed now, that was my mistake).

If he really cared, he'd be proud of the relationship. Remember that.

GlitteryMoss · 2021-11-21T17:12:53+00:00

She'll be begging him for a divorce soon. I feel sorry for her.

BedazzledSwashbuckle · 2021-11-22T15:23:36+00:00

I'm seriously wondering if this is actually from a woman I know. She got obsessed with a married man while *she* was married to someone else, stalked him (and his wife) online for two years, finally got divorced (shocking) as soon as this man's wife filed (he cheated a lot), they rebounded into a relationship with each other within a month of her filing to all of our shock ... and then it's been 4-5 years of this drama, to the detriment of their poor kids. The dates and timelines line up. There's been a lot of kerfluffle about a wedding that keeps getting downgraded and maybe has happened but no one knows for sure. How weird would that be *tries to find the original sub for this OP*.

Gotta watch that limerence, ladies! It's a killer.

Elegant-Emergency-60 · 2021-12-11T05:50:48+00:00

This is so sad. What a literal nightmare.

cutiebranch · 2021-11-21T05:09:36+00:00

Wow. All of this is stupid except the actual point. If he’s been off social media for almost five years she should know this and not bring it up.

It can be like ab addiction to some people and some people (myself included) don’t want their pics on social media. I’m not “hiding” anything, I just don’t want that part of my life to be open to public consumption.

But the guy sounds worthless anyway

Title	Never beg a man to marry you
Author	iacint
Upvotes	1199
Comments	122
Date	November 20, 2021 7:50 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/qyd9ug/never_beg_a_man_to_marry_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/never-beg-a-man-to-marry-you.1082943 https://theredarchive.com/post/1082943

Comments