Are heterosexual women who won't date bisexual men bi/homophobic or is it just a preference?

bluestjuice · 2022-07-22T02:23:04+00:00

Some of the justifications given for the preference are pretty biphobic, yeah.

Which is not to say that all these people have to be forced to date bi guys under pain of expulsion or something, because that’s stupid.

herbb100 · 2022-07-22T00:13:37+00:00

I think they’re well within within their right to have that preference. Society also needs to stop trying to push people’s boundaries.

Emmett_is_Bored · 2022-07-22T04:21:40+00:00

Here's the thing that the folks in these comments seem to be missing: It can be both.

I'm so tired of seeing people knee-jerk responding with "You're not entitled to a date" any time anyone DARES question the socially engrained prejudices impact dating preferences. As if that is the end of the issue. It's not.

No shit no one is "entitled" to a date and if someone expresses that they aren't into you due to their preferences you should respect that and back off.

That does not automatically mean that sexual and romantic preferences can't also have roots in engrained bigotries.

urukgay2022 · 2022-07-22T13:37:13+00:00

Are heterosexual men who won't date bisexual women bi/homophobic or is it just a preference?

Women are often very liberal and progressive until stuff such as transsexual rights clashes with their privileges. They expect heterosexual men to pay all burden of moral and social change on LGBT issues.

pinktuliplover · 2022-07-22T01:12:56+00:00

It doesn’t matter if it’s a preference, an insecurity, a phobia whatever. Don’t try to push people’s boundaries. Date people who want to date you.

RinoaRita · 2022-07-22T07:37:48+00:00

Everyone is allowed a preference in that level of intimacy. But if they are disrespectful or discriminate then they cross the line. But it’s also good to wonder where these stem from.

I don’t think it’s morally any different than a man saying I don’t want to date a woman with a high n count. Sure you’re entitled to your preferences but be ready to be asked why.

It’s also one thing to quietly not date bi guys but a whole another thing to loudly declare it as something to be proud of. It’s the difference between someone who just never dated outside their race vs someone declaring they will never date outside their race. Why do you feel the need for declare that? What virtue are you signaling? What type of person are you trying to attract?

My husband who is straight said if some woman was spouting that he’d see it as a red flag and a possible dog whistle to only attract homophobic partners who will raise kids to “not be gay” so he would avoid it.

WhiskeyOnASunday93 · 2022-07-21T23:45:08+00:00

Reminds me of that porn star who said she wouldn’t do scenes with men who did gay porn because of the risk of hiv

Then got bullied to suicide

sarkington · 2022-07-21T23:37:51+00:00

Sounds like a mix of homophobia, sexism/toxic femininity, and fear

Jungle_Serpent81 · 2022-07-22T00:59:24+00:00

I'm a hetero man and not big on dating bi women and I don't care who they sleep with.

WaffleBurner96 · 2022-07-22T01:46:37+00:00

Having preferences for who you will and won’t date isn’t hateful. It’s not racist, fatphobic, homophobic, sexist, or whatever else people will try to tell you it is.

2022-07-22T03:54:04+00:00

I think having a preference to only date fully straight men is just that, a preference.

I also think judging their likelyhood to cheat based on their sexuality is biphobic. Straight men cheat all the time, yet you prefer to date them. The logic doesn't follow. Sexuality is just that, cheating or not is based on a person's morals. Sexuality does not determine morals.

JumboJetz · 2022-07-21T23:34:40+00:00

Seems like a mild form of homophobia. However it is also kindof prudent. Men who have sex with men are a higher than average risk group for STDs.

CaeruleaTigris · 2022-07-22T05:53:51+00:00

I don't think it's wrong to have preferences but most of the examples you've given definitely seem to have hints of or even outright biphobia in them/judging men as being less masculine because they like other men (which is homophobic, even if gender nonconformity is a trend in the gay community). I don't think it's a healthy mindset for them to have and it might even come back to bite them in the ass one day (lots of supposedly cis/hetero men are not as much of either as they would like) but you're better off not getting into a relationship with people who don't respect you anyway, there are plenty of women who don't mind.

paidshill29 · 2022-07-22T03:45:36+00:00

Well some of these comments come as no surprise. Ask a question like this and all the biphobes come out of the woodwork to desperately attempt to justify their hatred and bias. Many women's egos simply cannot handle the idea that their man could also like men, and these same women are often hypocrites who find female bisexuality acceptable, but not male bisexuality. Bigotry and hatred on parade in this subreddit as always.

anjovis150 · 2022-07-22T10:48:15+00:00

Considering the massive increase in STD risk when it comes to men who have sex with men, I'd stay pretty clear as a woman too.

jackedsoon · 2022-07-22T13:31:30+00:00

policing who people date is pointless. if i wanna date a cis woman i dont want to be pestered and likewise for these straight chicks.

gladusgates · 2022-07-23T09:40:11+00:00

Women hate bisexual men with a passion because it implies femininity and submissiveness. Which is more reason men should under no circumstances display any feminine behaviour around women as they have a biological aversion to it.

crabbieinreddit · 2022-07-22T03:42:57+00:00

100% normal preference.

ima420r · 2022-07-22T03:32:39+00:00

There are definitely issues here. One of these women gonna date a guy for years, maybe get married, then find out he dated men before and dump him for being bi? A bit silly to me. To suddenly not be attracted to someone because of something like who they dated in the past. They can be attracted to anyone, everyone has a preference, but they may want to take a look at why they feel that way.

Mrs_Drgree · 2022-07-22T01:03:06+00:00

[permanently deleted]

2022-07-22T06:23:47+00:00

damn I thought who you’ve slept with in the past doesn’t matter

Darkmeathook · 2022-07-22T08:49:27+00:00

It’s a preference. It’s not a phobia.

No one is owed romantic interest.

_HEDONISM_BOT · 2022-07-22T11:11:09+00:00

There’s a significant risk of catching certain STD associated with having sex with men who have sex with men (MSM).

They’re not always homophobic. Sometimes they’re serious about STD risks

TheMedsPeds · 2022-07-21T23:59:26+00:00

I’d prefer not to date a bi man since I’m not LGBT myself. It’s a “you and I have completely different experiences” kind of thing. It isn’t a total deal breaker but rather a preference.

yayayubsea · 2022-07-22T01:39:56+00:00

I just prefer my man to only be attracted to women. Simple

ThankMeForMyCervixx · 2022-07-22T08:06:59+00:00

I don't care what you call me, I'm not interested in dating a dude who likes dick 🤷🏼‍♀️

Dubi12345 · 2022-07-22T08:32:06+00:00

Why not both?It can simultaniously be homophobic and a preference. I see the arguments in this thread comparing trans people to bi people and its clearly not comparable. A trans person literally have genitalia of their birth sex and look like their desired gender,while if a man who Is bi and didnt tell his partner about it, there would be no difference in the relationship. Theres a difference between not being attracted to trans people and not dating a person who you wouldve dated if they werent bi.But still imma repeat. Its both.

PotentialTry530 · 2022-07-22T01:15:53+00:00

No. One of your quotes nails it on the head:

make me think of my boyfriend as less masculine.

It’s 100% natural.

There’s chicks out there who dig strapping a fat black dildo and go to pound town on their dude. Most aren’t in to that.

alialahmad1997 · 2022-07-22T13:25:07+00:00

I would not date a big woman not because it turns me off but because I don't want my partner to lust over something I can't provide

ttehrman519 · 2022-07-22T14:08:08+00:00

I think everyone wether they say they do or not, falls on a spectrum and has at least had a thought or tendency to try things to expand their sexuality. Wether they act on it or not is up to them.

That being said, I know it’s cliché but someone will like you for you no matter what or who you are. Those women who have the mindset of the examples you listed above do have a right to think that way however it can be perceived as bi/homophobic.

Personally, I think that those examples of women are incapable of seeing a bigger picture past what they want to hear if they can’t understand that a bi man is no different than a straight man. If a bi man and straight woman are to get into a relationship, as long as boundaries are respected, there’s proper communication, and they’re happy with each other, there’s no difference between any other healthy relationship.

2022-07-22T14:35:36+00:00

I’ve dated a bisexual man, as a bisexual woman. It was a disaster, not because he was bi but because he had so much unresolved trauma / shame around it.

Snivelingincel · 2022-07-22T23:26:22+00:00

Bisexual chad still sleeps with 100’s of women

CakeSprinklesUnicorn · 2022-07-23T23:10:13+00:00

Bisexual men are usually feminine, which is a massive turn-off. Cis-heterosexual women don’t want to feel like they’re dating another woman. Also there’s the risk that the bisexual men may carry certain diseases specific to the gay population, such as HIV or AIDS. Most heterosexual women don’t want their wombs exposed to these diseases, as it would affect their own health as well as the health of any future possible children.

FineDevelopment00 · 2022-07-22T02:27:13+00:00

Nobody, and I mean nobody, is automatically entitled to a date. "Homophobia" (and by extension, "transphobia") loses its meaning the way it's thrown around in current society as a manipulation tactic to guilt-trip people who are doing nothing wrong.

2022-07-22T01:29:32+00:00

On the one hand, I am very skeptical of applying isms/phobics to people's dating preferences. It implies that you can't be an ally, care for, or respect a marginalized group unless you'd also fuck them.

On the other, even as a fairly tradcon religious person I don't understand the fixation over whether a man is attracted to other men. From a young age it was made clear to us that marrying a bisexual person is not against our faith's teachings anymore than marrying a man who's capable of being attracted to other women besides his wife would be. But then there's a lot of things I don't "get" about other people and don't necessarily feel like it's right to judge them over it.

ddouchecanoe · 2022-07-22T01:47:14+00:00

It's not bi/trans/whatever phobic. I am not scared of gays. I associated with gays happily. I just am not intereted in having sex with someone who is LGBTQ because I do not identify with LGBTQ.

Calling a cis woman biphobic because she *won't date someone who is bi kind of feels similar to a strait man becoming upset that a lesbian will date a trans women but not him "because they both have penises"

Just let people like what they like.. What would anyone get out of forcing women into a relationship with a bi man anyway? They would both be miserable.

HazyMemory7 · 2022-07-22T04:28:28+00:00

For most women the concept of men being with men is inherently a huge turn off. Similarly, it's a huge turn off for men when a woman has had a lot of casual sex partners.

Is it homophobic? Hell no. People are allowed to have whatever preferences they want for who they have sex with/date. This phenomenon (not saying you are doing it OP) where a group of people call someone pick-your-term phobic because people don't want to date them is downright RAPEY.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-07-22T00:58:19+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Hjelmert · 2022-07-22T05:58:19+00:00

Doesn't matter what it is. I think the reason many women dislike bisexual men is because they're assumed to be (and often are) very promiscuous.

anon018274031 · 2022-07-22T09:12:52+00:00

Id be worried about this whole sexual need that I can’t fulfil, that they would feel they are missing out.

And every bisexual man I’ve ever known IRL has eventually come out as gay, often leaving a girlfriend in the process.

HoneyNJ2000 · 2022-07-22T11:28:34+00:00

Gee, I don't know.

Are women who won't date a heavyset man fat-aphobics? Or do they just prefer a thinner frame on a man?

If they prefer a man with a bald head, does that mean they're hair-aphobics? Or does it just mean they want to date bald men and not men with hair?

It's SO freakin' TIRESOME hearing the constant "- aphobic" attached to every friggen word whenever someone doesn't prefer that particular thing. Why does ANYONE have to be "homophobic" if they're not into homosexual men?

Doesn't the left have ANYTHING better to do - like think up even more pronouns for people - than to worry about this nonsense?

Wrong-Wrap942 · 2022-07-22T12:50:18+00:00

No I think it’s a preference. I didn’t love my experience of dating bi women as a lesbian. It’s just a very different mindset and if you’re into that - awesome, lots of people are! But I need to be with someone who aligns with my sexuality because it’s very important to me to have that in common with my partner.

gofigure62 · 2022-07-22T13:33:24+00:00

People aren't phobes for choosing who they have sex with and who they date. No one's body is a free for all.

Dating and sex aren't equal opportunities. The narrative that people who need to have sex and date people they aren't attracted and don't want to be with to IS rape culture.

GnomeChompy · 2022-07-22T14:41:05+00:00

On one hand, it IS homophobic. But on the other hand, us homosexual males are way better than girls at dating (and fucking) men, so at the end of the day its more of a secret boon.

Ramzabeo · 2022-07-22T15:59:06+00:00

I dont think its homophobic at all, we need to stop throwing that fucking word around man, and no id never date a bi woman, my reasons have nothing to do with phobia, i would not do it because i feel like there would be things that she likes (from women) which i could never do, so why try? I had a bi friend who wanted to date me and i declined, she didnt call me homophobic, she understood and dropped it, wish more people could be that way.

paidshill29 · 2022-07-22T00:57:58+00:00

It's very biphobic, and no amount of coping or rationalization from such women will ever make it not biphobic.

ConvolutedMaze · 2022-07-22T02:49:23+00:00

They're obviously homophobic

RealNiceLady · 2022-07-22T04:29:08+00:00

Female equivalent of won't date high n women.

Jesperstarr · 2022-07-22T00:24:16+00:00

It’s homophobia

thegr8profiter · 2022-07-22T02:54:26+00:00

Ok. Get out of the reddit bubble and think for a minute. Will most women actually date and marry bisexual or transmen? Pretty sure for the most, it is a huge turnoff thinking about their man being with other men.

Reality outside social media is very different and it's much more conservative that SM addicts would like to believe. Sex, dating and marriage are discriminatory in nature and there is nothing homophobic about it.

george__whorewell · 2022-07-22T03:45:00+00:00

The last one is so fucking stupid but I think it's important to respect people's preferences

herefortheparty01 · 2022-07-22T10:05:24+00:00

These are just preferences

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2022-07-22T16:20:33+00:00

It's at minimum internalized homophobia.

MarjieJ98354 · 2022-07-22T19:09:40+00:00

Heterosexual women have a phobia of getting AIDS. When the AIDS epidemic was among us heterosexual women were mainly getting it from their bisexual partners that were on the DL (Down Low) In the closet. So in addition to women not expecting ANY man to basically give any kind of fuck about her, bisexual men have the ability to give her to most deadliest of diseases!!

Rare-Impress · 2022-07-22T21:47:38+00:00

Calling this as phobia is a bit extreme. Women mentioned their insecurities and limitations around a bi male to consider as their partners nothing more or less.

Rough_Theme_5289 · 2022-07-22T02:14:39+00:00

Preference . Even within the lgbtq community they have preferences.

Over_Noise3530 · 2022-07-22T03:10:01+00:00

It's not homophobic. It is a preference. And it's a fact that gay men are statistically More likely to have HIV

Spinning4plates · 2022-07-22T00:46:13+00:00

Are you a closeted bisexual male? I’m curious why this bothers you

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2022-07-22T06:24:21+00:00

Yes they are homophobes

ruboyuri · 2022-07-22T03:51:25+00:00

Those comments indicate homophobia, yes

SUBLlMlTY · 2022-07-22T04:10:08+00:00

heterosmexual goblins are very homoerotic towards bunbunbutts and thus they dislike when bunbuns fuck their carrots instead of using perfectly fuckable goblin sticks

Diddy_1978 · 2022-07-22T07:47:57+00:00

I am not into bi men. I am not into pegging/anal play with my guys. I don’t want my man to have potentially 100% of the adults as possible romantic/sexual interests. I’d rather he only had the female half only. This doesn’t make me anything ‘phobic’. I date cishet men.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-07-22T09:56:33+00:00

As a bisexual women, it is a preference. You can have whatever preferences you want and there are very understandable reasons to prefer to date someone with the same sexuality as you, but even if you don't really have a good reason it's fine. That's your preference. If you have homophobic or biphobic reasons behind your preference, those attitudes are wrong, but the preference itself doesn't have to be.

GolD_WhisKy · 2022-07-22T12:38:13+00:00

You do whatever, everything is somethingphobic nowadays

jiminverse · 2022-07-22T13:50:21+00:00

i think it's biphobic, but i also think ppl can exclude whoever they want from their dating pool. that doesn't make it right, but you can't force someone to date you.

as a lesbian, if i wouldn't date a bisexual woman purely bc she's bisexual i'd have to be very prejudiced against bisexuality (but preferring to date other lesbians is only natural, shared sexuality = mostly shared experiences). i see both sides of the argument so i'm torn 🤷🏽‍♀️

SmakeTalk · 2022-07-22T16:02:32+00:00

There's levels to this.

A homophobe who explores their biases and still sees bi men as just being gay men is still homophobic.

Someone who just says "oh it's just my preference" isn't inherently homophobic though. For example, bi men can be extremely masculine and can be more attracted to women than men (it's different for everyone) and even have higher sex drives towards women than many straight men. My own sex drive as a straight man isn't that high and some bi men I know are extremely sexual around their girlfriends.

If someone doesn't want to most bi men though because they find their access to femininity unattractive, for example, that's totally fine.

It really just comes down to a) if they're open to challenging their presumptions about bisexuality and b) how they view bi men after they try to understand them better.

bluestjuice · 2022-07-22T01:52:54+00:00

It’s gross. What do you call that

Ok_Razzmatazz_1751 · 2022-07-22T04:16:44+00:00

Nahh it's called the Ick factor . Just something within us turns us against the thought of wanting to procreate with you. So it takes you out of the running by natural selection.
Think it's our natural defense saying you're not what we are looking for .

Edit: Ask for the truth , get the truth, and can't handle the truth.🤣🤣🤣

womandatory · 2022-07-22T08:25:00+00:00

I think the simple answer is that women don’t treat men (dating or LTR partners) like a porn category. Men often do.

Poly_frolicher · 2022-07-22T13:03:51+00:00

There are a few issues here.

Yes, they are absolutely homophobic in their personal preferences. If they feel this strongly about man/man sex it is likely affecting how they would treat bi/gay/effeminate men in general.

They are likely feeling these feelings from a lifetime of “ick” reactions to gay sex. This is very common in our society in the US (I can’t speak to other societies.) This is the problem that we need to overcome as a society. We really need to stop thinking about some sex as proper and some as improper. It’s all personal preference and all of it is FAR more common than you think.

Is there any point in trying to change their minds? Probably not. Would it help all of society to work together better? Absolutely. These deep-seated “ick” reactions have a negative effect on society and general acceptance of all people. If they don’t want to date/have sex with bi-men, then they shouldn’t, but they should analyze why in their minds it’s okay for them to suck dick or take it in the butt, but not for a man too. And if they feel like lesbian acts are okay, but not gay acts, then they REALLY need to get down to their sexist attitudes.

Express-Fig-5168 · 2022-07-22T17:46:12+00:00

More bi men for me. /hj This comment sums up my additional views.People stereotype bi men a lot, things like "they are secretly homosexual and not interested in women", "they must be having anal sex", "they must be promiscuous", "they must have STDs/STIs". No. Some of these things can be true for some but it is not true for all nor most. Just because statistics are higher for them that heterosexual men in some ways does not mean that all are like that it just means they may make choices based on their feelings and attractions that others would not because said feelings and attractions aren't there for them.

Bad-DPS · 2022-07-22T19:44:18+00:00

They are biphobic.

GlowingAsItDazzles · 2022-07-22T00:44:22+00:00

attributing it to -"phobia" is mentally ill

Jesperstarr · 2022-07-22T00:01:47+00:00

[permanently deleted]

YveisGrey · 2022-07-22T16:46:59+00:00

Problem is men are generally more promiscuous if your man is into women only he’ll be reasonably limited by female sexuality so he can’t be as much of horn dog with dudes it’s another story he could have literally hundreds of partners a year if he really wanted to. I’m sure women developed some natural aversion to men who have sex with men, unfortunately they have much higher rates of STDs likely due to a combination of being generally more promiscuous and their sex practices being more likely to spread disease in the first place. Add to that it’s generally easier for a man to pass to a woman than the other way around. Just is what it is though some women don’t mind it most do. I think men are more accepting of female bisexuality because they think it will open the door for threesomes lol which isn’t exactly noble of them. Also theres not much of an increased risk for disease or anything in fact it’s much worse if a man’s female partner is cheating or otherwise promiscuous with other men than with other women. (Though I have heard some men theorize that bisexual women are more promiscuous than hetero women and for this reason they too avoid them but Idk if there is any truth to that).

redditiasausagefest · 2022-07-22T01:12:48+00:00

I don't know. I kind of feel like people are entitled to their preferences.

But I will say this.

When I first heard these lyrics:

"Man up, sit down

Chin up, pipe down

Socks up, don't cry

Drink up, just lie

"Grow some balls, " he said

"Grow some balls"

Man up, sit down

Chin up, pipe down

Socks up, don't cry

Drink up, don't whine

"Grow some balls, " he said

"Grow some balls"

The mask

Of masculinity

Is a mask

A mask that's wearing me

The mask, the mask, the mask

I'm a real boy

Boy, and I cry

I like myself

And I want to try

This is why you never see your father cry

Man up, sit down

Chin up, pipe down

Socks up, don't cry

Drink up, just lie

"Grow some balls, " he said "Grow some balls"

Man up, sit down

Chin up, pipe down

Socks up, don't cry

Drink up, don't whine

"Grow some balls, " he said "Grow some balls"

The mask

Of masculinity

Is a mask

A mask that's wearing me

The mask, the mask, the mask I'm a real boy

Boy and I cry

I love myself

And I want to try

This is why you never see your father cry

I KISSED A BOY AND I LIKED IT!

Man up, sit down

Chin up, pipe down

Socks up, don't cry

Drink up, don't whine

This is why

This is why"

From the band Idles, who are known for their firm stand against toxic masculinity, I became wet.

If men who are bi are more likely to be for self-love and against toxic masculinity, then I or any woman would be goddamn lucky to have such a man.

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mllhild · 2022-07-22T16:07:40+00:00

No, yet one of your examples should look for a healthier and more active lifestyle if she only manages to get horny every other day (assuming she isnt in her fifties)

Title	Are heterosexual women who won't date bisexual men bi/homophobic or is it just a preference?
Author	Spinning4plates
Upvotes	66
Comments	474
Date	July 21, 2022 11:32 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/w4v7dk/are_heterosexual_women_who_wont_date_bisexual_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/are-heterosexual-women-who-wont-date-bisexual-men.1209305 https://theredarchive.com/post/1209305

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