What exactly were you told about dating women growing up and who said it?

hyperlinktoZelda_v2 · 2023-05-16T12:52:33+00:00

"Look presentable, be respectable, make her feel safe, and stay away from ghetto women". This what my grandmother told me. I thought it was solid advice to say the least.

Traditional-Bad-4055 · 2023-05-16T13:07:37+00:00

My mom was pretty adamant that I should stay away from mean girls and taught some basic grooming. When I was in middle school she made me dance with her so I’d know how to ask a girl to dance during the slow songs. It was mortifying but looking back I really appreciate it

I was taught just the basics though. Open doors, ask her questions, don’t keep her out too late, be respectful, etc.

Deep_Instruction4255 · 2023-05-16T13:00:53+00:00

My parents were preachers so they gave me advice like cut off my hand if I touch a woman outside of marriage, pluck out my eye if I look at someone lustfully. Just the basic humane regular everyday stuff. Most men probably actually do this, but I decided to be a heathen and keep my eyes

AlmostKindaGreat · 2023-05-16T16:38:19+00:00

"Just be yourself"

"Be nice"

"Be confident"

"Looks don't matter" <- to be clear, I was told this exactly, word for word, over and over again

"Just treat her like a normal person"

Later I started becoming skeptical about "Looks don't matter" and pressed the issue. I was told things like "they kinda matter but not really and personality wins out in the end".

I was told these things by women classmates, friends, acquaintances, coworkers, and my mother.

I also asked "natural" guys who were good with women and they had trouble articulating what it is they were doing to attract women because they didn't consciously know. Not useful.

Can I ask what your point is? I see that you had a deleted post titled "Women didn’t think they’d have to spell it out for you". To respond to that I would just say that I really wish they did spell it out for me. I was told that looks didn't matter and I believed it. Later I heard a lot of equivocating that suggested they matter somewhat. If I hadn't already absorbed the advice that looks did not matter maybe I could have read between the lines, but the sum total of information led me to believe they were not important or a very minor part of the whole picture that could be compensated for with aspects of personality.

Do you believe me that I really believed that looks didn't matter? Based on the title of your other post it seems like you think I shouldn't have believed that. I guess the point may be that... men like me are just dense for having believed it? And therefore the culpability is ours alone? I'm not really sure what the point is which is why I'm asking.

WilliamWyattD · 2023-05-16T15:42:11+00:00

These things are on various continuums. It isn't whether looks matter or not; it is HOW much they matter. It isn't whether women are attracted to classical masculine traits, it is what % of women were, and how many exceptions there were.

Growing up in the 80s and 90s, there was a competing classic narrative on gender dynamics along with the more feminist narrative that men and women were not different, that everyone was an individual, and that women wanted men to just be themselves, even if that mean acting more anxious or 'feminine' or whatever.

Trying to balance the two narratives, along with anecdotal evidence, my take in high school was that yes, being classically attractive, manly, confident, stoic, etc. was till very important to many, many women. Being Chad was still an enormous mating advantage. However, I also believed that a guy could be more open, more neurotic, less classically successful, etc. and that there would still be a LOT of women who would just pick their mates based on idiosyncratic compatibility and shared interests or qualities. Etc.

I was wrong about how many exceptions there were. That was the big mistake. I knew there would be a cost to not assuming the traditional male burden of performance, confidence, initiating, stoicism, etc. But I dramatically underestimated the costs.

wtknight · 2023-05-16T13:16:15+00:00

I wasn’t told anything. My mother wanted me to concentrate on academics. I suppose that she thought I’d just naturally attract a woman eventually if I had a good job. That’s kind of how things were back when she was young. “Looks matter” wasn’t really emphasized. That message has come across more since women have gained more economic equality.

VehementlyDrawn · 2023-05-16T13:51:50+00:00

Lmao every boy is told "only personality matters" growing up. Even my mom pushed this narrative (which is ironic because my mom is a chad chaser)

MajesticPenisMan · 2023-05-16T13:30:26+00:00

Nothing. Nobody taught me a thing, I had to learn to navigate women/girls myself and I think seeing the relationships around you helps shape your understanding of how things work as well.

Joelypoely88 · 2023-05-16T12:52:42+00:00

I was given no advice at all. It was something which was just expected would happen naturally.

jobbo321 · 2023-05-16T13:57:12+00:00

Nothing. Zero advice was given.

For some inexplicable reason my parents never motivated me or gave me any advice around it.

I remember when I was 10 years old I told my mum I liked some girl in my class. The only thing she told me was not to tell this girl since she could reject me and tell the entire class. That's the only thing we ever talked about related to dating in my entire life.

My dad straight up never talked about it or asked. He just wanted to know whether I was doing good in school. Now the topic is so awkward and we both just try to ignore it.

I feel like if my parents motivated me a tad more, I'd have done much better in my younger years. I probably wouldn't have missed out on teenage love either.

If I ever get kids, especially boys, I'll help them out the best I can. I'll them it's okay to talk about girls with me, it's okay to think girls in your class are hot. Here's how you should approach that situation, etc.

Notanothrshitthrow · 2023-05-16T13:01:47+00:00

The only person who gave me any advice akin to the stereotypical bluepill advice of "just be you and be nice, girls care about your personality" was my mum. Even then when I got older, she said to watch my weight because due to its effects on how attractive you are perceived.

I was told by friends, peers and informed by media that physical attraction matters, that being "nice" isn't enough and that confidence and presentation are key.

JanusDifaal · 2023-05-16T12:44:52+00:00

what were you told about dating women

"be nice" "care for her" "don't make the first move" "looks don't matter" "be friend first", all of the hardcore blue pill stuff.

who said it

Female family members, adult women, medias, teachers (mostly women), other kids who repeat the main narrative...

The quiet part was understood, but it was portrayed as wrong, evil, and old. Mothers were all divorcing en masse the dads who were "machismo" and not adhering to the modern narrative.

When you're bellow 15 you don't know better, then when you start wanting women you notice immediately that things are incoherent. You're still told that it is normal, that women are immature and don't know what they want. But if you're smart and rebellious enough you eventually drop the blue pill mentality and fight for your own interests and find a way.

Low drive men however stayed doomed.

gymbronyc718 · 2023-05-16T14:02:38+00:00

Unfortunately the brainwashing is ubiquitous. It is everywhere. But basically the messaging is that a man is worthless unless he contributes to the advancement of society. Hence why you have so many men believing they cannot be confident or valuable unless they work their asses off, scaling new peaks and sacrificing their health just to move society forward.

You find this in movies, advertisements and parental advice, such as "work hard, wear a clean shirt, be a presentable member of society and some girl will want to marry you." Just look at any ad for men. They show you what you really want, a hot young woman and then they give you instructions on how to get her: buy the sports car, the expensive watch, or buy her diamonds and trips to Europe. It is all designed to make you a better consumer and a better worker bee. And the men who work hard enough and achieve financial success eventually feel confident enough in themselves to go for what they want. The women they want, while the rest slave away.

Now I know that the usual band of incels will blame it all on women, but the reality is women are as brainwashed as men and chances are it was men who invented that brainwashing, because they needed a way to control young men. And what better way to control young men than use their interest in sex to achieve your own means.

0DarkFlirty · 2023-05-16T13:40:06+00:00

From women in my life - basically "Be nice, be yourself"

From men in my life- basically "Learn how to spit game and get jacked"

I remember one clear anecdote when I was younger with my two older cousins, one male and one female.

Him - "I'm telling you man, lift weights it will make a difference!"

Her - "Don't listen to him, you can enhance your muscle but you don't want to look bulky"

Him - "shushhhhhh Look she doesn't know what she's talking about. Dude I'm telling you you're short, I'm short. Getting jacked is what you have to do"

Her - rolls eyes

In posterity. He was right.

Zabadoodude · 2023-05-16T16:15:08+00:00

Once I was about 12 my grandmother started getting on my case about good hygiene, working out, and not getting fat, because "girls like that"

My dad always encouraged me to go up to girls I liked and talk to them, because "what's the worst that can happen?" Also later "Don't be an idiot, use a condom!"

Solid advice. Helped me get a girlfriend at 15, lose my virginity at 16, and not get a girl pregnant.

obviousredflag · 2023-05-16T12:58:35+00:00

I was told nothing. Dating wasn't a thing when i grew up.

KirthWGersen · 2023-05-16T15:13:31+00:00

I was told, by my mother, pretty much many of the things that TRP says:

Girls like you to be confident, interesting and fun. If you start getting lazy, don't be surprised if she has starts having second thoughts.

Also, do things because you want to do them, not simply to please other people.

Don't give in to manipulation, like a woman crying at you.

A man should be in control of his own life, with his own mind and purpose.

If your woman asks you to do something once, find some time to do it. But if she keeps asking you, never do it, so she sees that nagging does not work on you. Then she won't do it again.

If she behaves badly towards you, simply walk away.

happy_discus · 2023-05-16T14:06:33+00:00

Be nice, well groomed, chivalrous, be yourself and stay away from addicts. - my mom, grandma and a few girls I was friends with.

SoulBadguy0408 · 2023-05-16T14:59:34+00:00

Never got any dating advice from my family

MarBitt · 2023-05-16T15:21:57+00:00

Use condoms.

That was basically all.

SoleMatesC4S · 2023-05-16T19:52:55+00:00

But it seems like none of you understood the quiet part.

I can go on Facebook right now, post "I'm too unattractive to get a date" and get a dozen replies from my female friends about how "it's personality that really matters". I know this because I did it in the past.

I understood the quiet part. What frustrates me is when people swear up and down that it isn't true.

SecondEldenLord · 2023-05-16T15:10:46+00:00

"Just be yourself" is the advice I got from my mom. I am a 32 year old single man who never had a gf so look how well that turned out

DaMilan · 2023-05-16T15:11:43+00:00

Well, alot of the things men complain about where not so much explicit, but rather implicit. Or not being *directly* told to you, but overheard, for example: "No, she hasn't sex with him because he is good looking and popular, she is just being manipulated by him" (Despite the fact that those same girls where invincible towards "manipulation" from ugly nerds, or demonstrated a lot of social saviness when it came to bullying other in plausibe-deniabilty ways.)

Or told in a reverse way: E. g. "If you are a jerk and rowdy, you will never find a girlfriend." -Implying that *not* being an asshole, while not making 100 % sure that girls are going to like you, is a major part in romantic, sexuall success - instead of the truth which is, that it's just a rule-out criterion and not even a very important one.
More accurate to say would be: If you are not over 175cm you will never find a girlfriend, because girls care about height a lot, but that was never said, despite being much more true than the jerk/asshole thing.

But yes, there were also a lot of explicit things, like after I told my mother I was afraid I was not going to find a girlfriend because I just got glasses she took me aside, looked me in the eyes and explained to me: "Girls/Women don't really care that much about looks as long as you are kept and groomed, we/us care more about how nice you are and how much we have in common with each other."

Then, as a young Teenager I believed it, no I just lol at it.

So there you have some examples.

But it seems like none of you understood the quiet part.

Yes? But can you fault nerdy/neurodivergent people for not getting it? Like it's their "fault" and they "deserve it"? Would you say "your fault" to a person in a wheelchair because they cannot go up the stairs? Then why fault social inept people for not reading between the lines?

Cobainism · 2023-05-16T14:08:20+00:00

From girls: “Just be yourself” - lmao

From guys (naturals): “Just go up and talk to her, bro” - without any indication on how to avoid friendzoning myself.

I’m not surprised about girls being clueless about why they hook up with the guys they do (the whole fisherman, ask for fishing advice analogy), but it’s amazing how guys who are naturally good with women can’t explain the “how” of their success as well.

You have ask someone who struggled with dating and then became successful if you want any impactful and practical advice.

Steakman1 · 2023-05-16T13:26:21+00:00

Excluding all the stuff online, I had girls of similar age as me say to be confident and be funny. And then my Grandmother would tell me that I don’t need to worry about getting a girlfriend because most girls will be after my money. And then my father, who’s been through 2 divorces, told me to be careful with who I choose to marry because it can potentially cost me a lot if I choose wrong. Lastly some of my guy friends who were/are in long term relationships said I would find someone when I least expect it/not actively looking for someone.

KayRay1994 · 2023-05-16T14:12:38+00:00

not much - grew up in a religious country with a broken family, we didn’t really talk about this stuff. Schools were segregated too and things like dating were looked down upon. Everything I learned I had to do so in my 20s

neverendingplush · 2023-05-16T15:48:20+00:00

I think for most guys it was immediately just being a normally well presented decent guy was enough to attract a normally well presented decent girl. Don't thi k your average dude had insane standards. It isn't until u date that you realise women expected u to be this monolith of a man oozing of sexual bravado to get the most 🙄 average of women. It was assumed that hot, high status guys got with equally hot partners, not the pyramid scheme u see today.

HobbitShaker88 · 2023-05-16T17:22:39+00:00

I overheard growing up people telling my brother that you have to sleep with a girl early or she loses interest in you.

Meanwhile, I rejected men that pressured me too quickly for sex that I actually did genuinely like outside of their pressuring. I dont regret it because we simply werent compatible.

chunderbun · 2023-05-16T18:10:47+00:00

"Make sure you pay"

Great advice to go broke and get absolutely nothing in return. 0/10 advice. Make them pay lads, they're just gonna do a runner anyway.

MysterySolverDog · 2023-05-16T18:24:32+00:00

I was given fairly bluepilled messaging by my parents growing up, ie that it's really about being kind and honest etc. Of course this didn't stop me from joining a sports team and staying in shape - I think some users here think it's fat neckbeards asking women to look past the rolls and like them for their personality but in my own anecdotal experience (yours may differ) that's not really the case. I'd later learn that kindness, honesty, respect etc had basically zero correlation with dating success.

I'm definitely convinced my parents don't think it's all sunshines and rainbows anymore even if they're not as cynical as I am, but I'm not gonna have some stupid purplepill debate with my boomer parents.

SmolPPAcceptance · 2023-05-16T13:31:56+00:00

Useless platitudes like "just be yourself". I didn't find any substantial advice until I found trp.

2023-05-16T13:01:57+00:00

Work hard, be nice all the usual blue pill shit. What do expect from a single mother?

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DancesWithMyr · 2023-05-16T15:10:57+00:00

Absolutely nothing.

Spyro7x3 · 2023-05-16T20:45:16+00:00

I was told nothing. It worked out okay. I'd say its better than bad advice.

Public-Diamond-1729 · 2023-05-17T04:29:47+00:00

My parents always said you have to be successful to marry a successful person, well I'm med student never dated but actually being an above average student at least helped me making friends with females so it kinda worked, anyway none of my female friends I'm attracted to anyway.

anonymousUser1SHIFT · 2023-05-17T06:00:01+00:00

My gf was told "marry a rich man, they are just as easy to love as a poor man"

edr-1964 · 2023-05-17T07:05:24+00:00

The advice I got was mostly along the lines of "just do your best and things will work out fine", "it's your character that matters more than your looks" etc. Wholesome advice that appeals to an idealistic view of people, rather than pragmatic advice that views people realistically.

A common theme in this thread is boys being given advice that women just want someone to treat them nicely, aren't interested in looks and so on. Putting aside the topic on whether that advice is any good or not, I get why it happens. If it's mom giving you such advice then any advice that paints women in a bad light will by association reflect badly on her, or it will run counter to the idealistic world view that parents like to impart on their kids. So you end up with parents giving advice in a framework that doesn't upset their own emotional sensibilities, rather than giving advice that's genuinely true and useful. Moms seem more prone to this than dads from my observation. It's unfortunate since it stunts the development of their own child only because the parents don't want to clear a few psychological hurdles.

KingOnixTheThird · 2023-05-17T14:00:37+00:00

I don't think my parents ever gave me much dating advice. They knew fairly early on that I was screwed.

The only real dating advice my dad gave me was "get rich" but that's just because that's how he got my mom. So I guess he's not wrong.

Workaholiconew · 2023-05-28T23:45:13+00:00

Help me understand- what exactly were you told?

What you said.

That I should care for women, provide and protect them.

Yes, looks matter was implied but never stated.

I dont know what else is there to say?

ThrowawayCactus6012 · 2023-05-16T13:40:25+00:00

I think a lot of perceptions can be a bit skewed due to mixed messages. Boys might get some advice from their parents, although they'll also get advice from peers, as well as hear the more red-pilled (though politically incorrect) locker room talk that women claim to be offended by. Popular culture (TV and movies) can also influence how boys and young men see dating and relationships.

I don't think it's a matter of "not understanding the quiet part," but political correctness seems to also skew things and focuses on what people are not supposed to say, thus creating a skewed if not false narrative. The visceral reaction to the red pill on the part of many would confirm that they're saying things that are politically incorrect and go against the narrative that society wants young men to conform to.

If they're not understanding the quiet part, it's because there is clearly an activist effort on the part of many who don't want them to hear it. Otherwise there wouldn't be all this hullabaloo and anger over the red pill.

Goyeyo565 · 2023-05-16T17:00:33+00:00

That women prioritized kindness/personality in a man above all else and that looks "didn"t matter because its whats on the inside that counts".

I grew up with a mixed group of friends and would constantly hear about all the shit that girls hated about guys and what they considered to be red flags, only for them to date the exact type of men that they told me not to be because they were "hot" and popular.

That's when I realized that attraction is mostly about looks, no matter how much we try to gaslight ourselves into believing its not.

Momitar · 2023-05-16T17:36:36+00:00

I have an adult son (age 21), here’s what I told him.

Work on your physicality. You don’t have to have a gymbro body but every woman appreciates a man with a certain level of strength and physical ability. There is a lot of women who like the strongman build and more than a few who like “corn fed” types. (Corn-fed=farm boys. Strong AF even with a few extra pounds.) The stamina you build up will help you in the bedroom too.

Know how to carry a conversation. (He’s not the biggest talker, preferring to listen.) I told him he’s already good at listening, he just need to work on the taking part. Simply talking to women without trying to sleep with them or date them will get him noticed in a world where women are accustomed to being hit on. It also plays a mental game with many women of “Hey, aren’t I hot enough for you to try?” If that happens, let her chase you a little.

Know a little bit about many different topics. (My son is very intelligent as it is so this isn’t much of an issue for him.) This allows you to engage with a wider group of women. Keep well read, how you articulate yourself matters and gets you noticed.

Don’t “talk the talk unless you can walk the walk”. Be competent and capable and KNOW it. Have confidence in you’re ability but balance that out with an appropriate amount of humbleness. However, a bit of cockiness isn’t out of order from time to time.

Get your ass on the dance floor. Too many men don’t dance and are missing out on getting noticed and making opportunities for themselves. It says, “I’m fun and comfortable with myself.”

Nothing will ever be given to you. You’re going to have to make many of your opportunities through your own merit. Work on advancing your career opportunities and financial success. You want a family someday, this is important. A more stable financial foothold also helps relieve one of the biggest issues inside of a relationship. (Money problems.)

Get a hobby that you do for yourself that isn’t just gaming. It will help round you out overall and enrich your life in other ways.

Cast a wide net. Make a few online profiles in different places, make sure your photos don’t look like shit. Make a bio that’s brief enough for short attention spans but says enough to for those who actually read. Small talk women “in the wild”, go out with your friends and coworkers whenever you’re able and talk to women while you’re out. Go find meetups that do stuff. Understand that you’re not going to pick up women, you’re going to widen your social circles.

Watch out for women with mental health disorders, if it’s a problem now it will be a problem later. I flat out told him that I don’t care how good looking she is, how hot her body is, what she promises to do to you, NEVER stick your dick in “crazy”. Be aware of women with daddy issues while you’re at it.

Most importantly wear a freaking condom and use them (properly) every single time. Better yet, don’t sleep with women without considering if she’s someone you’d want to reproduce with, accidentally or not.

VTHokie2020 · 2023-05-16T13:30:42+00:00

This "I was lied to!" idea from TRP is a way to shift blame onto others. Or at the very least it's exaggerated.

I was actually told to watch out for abusive/lying women by my Mom of all people. She got mad (in private) after I told her some stuff about my first girlfriend. She felt I had been mistreated. My dad was more chill.

But honestly, I received a general hands off approach from my parents when it came to women. And as the oldest of three brothers I particularly had to figure it out all by myself.

Obviously everyone has different experiences. But I do think the "I was fed bluepill lies by everyone growing up!" is an exaggeration.

Dstar538888 · 2023-05-16T15:37:39+00:00

I feel like some of the men on here just lack common sense tbh lol… by the time I got to highschool, I already knew that looks most certainly mattered 100% lol idk how you guys got so convinced otherwise… if you had basic observational skills, you would see this 😬

DerayRevan · 2023-05-16T13:33:03+00:00

Looking back l can't really remember but one older guy said hanging out/being friends with a lot of girls from age 13-18

Didn't take the advice since l can't just be friends with girls and also l don't want to but l can see it helping some poor autistic kid who's never spoken to any girl before

MotleyCrew1989 · 2023-05-16T18:00:58+00:00

The only good advice my father gave me regarding women was "its better they think you are son of a bitch than a boludo (a form of idiot in spanish"

xTakki27 · 2023-05-16T20:35:41+00:00

"Just be nice to her"
"Looks don't matter"

"There's someone out there, who just fits you"

The 3 biggest lies I've ever been told

just_a_place · 2023-05-17T03:44:48+00:00

I was told a lot of things. Be more specific.

General question >>> general answer:

Women like money
Women like status
Women like clout
women like nice guys
women hate nice guys
women like clean and neat guys
women like messy and scruffy guys
women like being asked out
women hate being asked out
money isn't everything
women are shy
women like attention
women like popularity
women hate being the center of attention
women like alpha males
women like sigma males
women like beta males
women like character
character doesn't matter because women prefer looks
looks don't matter because women prefer substance
substance doesn't matter because women prefer character
Be bold, act shy, be vulnerable, be strong, be everything, don't do anything.

DRW0813 · 2023-05-16T13:39:46+00:00

Rule 1- don't be stupid Rule 2- look at rule 1

Good rules for dating and life

q_dice · 2023-05-16T15:58:37+00:00

I was jus told b urself, starting and building a relationship on a lie is a bad start. That was rly about it outside of wat OP said about being nice

PersimmonFar9646 · 2023-05-16T16:02:26+00:00

"Be yourself" is literally the summation of advice I got. And I get it. I'm not gonna ruin women for a 13 year old kid. If we actually gave young men actionable advice about women, go into how you're crazy 3/4 weeks a month, and we disclosed all detail to them, we'd scare them away from dating.

Most men's knowledge of women comes from trial and error.

DeJuanBallard · 2023-05-16T17:49:57+00:00

Literally everyone tells you that. Women tell you , other men give that advice and it never works.

Apprehensive_Boat_70 · 2023-05-16T18:40:44+00:00

I am hispanic but i moved to the states at a young age,I was told many things by family, older female cousins, my family is quite big, also hearing older women of my family complaining about men made me feel motivated to be a better man whenever i grew up and not follow the same steps of those guys, my family particulary on the female side always told me stuff like, "expect women to make the first move because otherwise you bother them, always shower them with compliments and make them feel like queens, treat her as superior, she is the lead of the house, she is always right, women should be in control, dont be violent, be a nice boy, make her gifts, show her that you have good intentions towards her and they will choose you, try to look past looks, dont be superficial, be attentive, be kind, be courteous, be easy to get, dont drink alcohol, get good grades etc and you ll be the best boyfriend women dream off" combined with stuff like "you should feel lucky if a woman looks at your direction so treat her as such, women are the fairer sex, men are untrusworthy by nature so you have to prove yourself, men owe years of suffering to women" and my favorites "women wont like you if you do X (always something associated with being a bad boyfriend). Those are the ones that i can remember and boy you can guess how that turned out for me.

Im sorry but thanks to that horrible advice i suffered so many traumas, many women took advantage of me and i didnt expect it because i was always told women always had good intentions towards men, that it was us men the ones who took advantage of us, of course these women were bad but i wasnt able to see it mainly because i was told that "if she cheats on you then you werent nice enough, if she is like that towards you thats because you did something to hurt her".

Ever since i was a kid i was always the one who took one for the group, everytime we played hide and seek and there was a disagreement over who should seek i would always offer myself so kids would stop fighting and keep playing, whenever we were decidind who would go to the store to buy candy i would always offer myself so my group would stop fighting, moving on to my teenager years in highschool, i always used to do favours for this girl whenever she asked me because i was a bad at saying no specially to women, when i was a kid if i refused to do something for my older female cousins they would call me a bad boy, that i should be a gentleman and always help women, so i carried that to my teenage years, so fast forwarding i once overheard this girl talking with her friend group saying " i got that idiot (me) by the balls, he does everything i ask him to do so" when i heard that i was extremely hurt, specially because it came from a woman, you know, the trustworthy beings who would never do such a thing, i wasnt expecting her to fall for me or something but at least i was expecting some respect or friendship, while guys who were down mean to hear she would call them attractive, that she liked them, that they were hot etc, the point is she showered them with praise, meanwhile i got this kind of humiliation? When i stopped doing favours to her she started to bully me and i couldnt retaliate because the older kids who i have to clarify were 10 inches taller than me would jump and beat me up to a pulp, meanwhile everybody mocked me because "he cant defend himself from a girl".

Another adventure of mine to share, you see in my country all boys bring candy to the girls to celebrate womens day, so one day in the states, it was womens day, so my parents told me to gift candy to all the girls of my class, when i did all the boys got mad at me and started to call me names, threatened me, calling me a fgg, and forced me to bring candy to them the next day, one would think the girls would defend me, but not, they didnt, instead they joined the train and even some made bullshit excuses for them, from that time i said never again. From there, i eventually stumbled with the redpill when i got terribly heartbroken and i got some romantic experiences which also ended horribly bad, dont feel sad for me, i finally got over it and i can at least live mentally at peace but man im still surprised how i didnt end up losing it all.

jpla86 · 2023-05-16T19:46:51+00:00

I never got any advice about dating women aside from my mom telling me to be myself and be a nice, decent guy. Typical stuff every parent tells their son. Well, decent guys don't attract women, looks do.

Aside from that, I've never gotten any comprehensive dating advice and to me, I feel most guys growing up had friends that helped give them confidence or coached them when it comes to girls and I never had friends like that. I knew nothing about talking to girls or just females in general when I was growing up.

ass-thetics · 2023-05-16T20:52:14+00:00

When I was in high-school the whole "we respect women" meme was in full swing and guys would unironically say it to girls

SpiritualBlob · 2023-05-16T21:01:52+00:00

“Train a six pack and women will be very kind to you”, nobody told me when you don’t have it, they will also turn nasty at you.

abaxeron · 2023-05-16T21:12:22+00:00

"A man [of the family] just must be slightly cuter than a hellspawn"

"You are fine-looking" / "You look terribe" - my mom, within a span of maybe a month.

Royal-Tip4585 · 2023-05-16T22:19:56+00:00

My mom: don’t trust women they’re evil

Literally. You think I’m sexist ? Talk to an African mother.

2023-05-17T00:58:53+00:00

Basically treat them like they are the best thing ever. They can do no wrong.

AloneOnTheStrange · 2023-05-17T02:28:13+00:00

It's generally that I was given very little advice, and the advice I was given was more about keeping me alone and "innocent", so those that could abuse me could continue doing so.

Eg. A girl I was friend zoned by telling me I shouldn't work out, and getting really upset when I did. My mother telling me I should respect women's boundaries and not bother them or escalate with them.

My father was very strict about manners and politeness. Super against vulgarity or anything he deemed "inappropriate". Naturally that translated to being boring and unexciting to women.

KingOnixTheThird · 2023-05-17T14:03:36+00:00

I was taught that women have a low sex drive and they aren't visual by nature so looks don't matter all that much for them.

Carthex · 2023-05-17T15:21:47+00:00

Mom actually offered good advice, sometimes bordering on misogyny but otherwise good advice. Things like:

Don't be a doormat, be aggressive, women like that cause they young and most are stupid. But also read social cues, don't get attached to avoid heartache, look good, do sports. Education was important but having a social life was way more important cause they were raising me to be a leader and not some worker bee. etc. Very hard on me and sometimes toxic they were, but good advice nonetheless

Affinity4186 · 2023-05-17T17:43:58+00:00

"You just need to be more confident bro" - both men and women

RealAmericanWeasel · 2023-05-17T23:57:11+00:00

I wasn’t told anything. I don’t think parents are equipped to help their children in that realm. Dating is just not that similar for different generations or across eras. Even I if I had great luck growing up, I don’t see how I’d be able to advise a teenager or person in their early 20s today.

throwaway316stunner · 2023-05-18T19:20:10+00:00

I was told that because I was such a sweet and nice guy and that because I was myself, I’d have no problem getting girls to want to date me when I got older

LIES.

mandono123 · 2023-05-19T12:29:41+00:00

absolutely nothing

Title	What exactly were you told about dating women growing up and who said it?
Author	RainbowHydrangeas
Upvotes	53
Comments	221
Date	May 16, 2023 11:56 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/13j32qa/what_exactly_were_you_told_about_dating_women/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-exactly-were-you-told-about-dating-women.1219430 https://theredarchive.com/post/1219430

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