Would you break up with your partner if she put on 25-30kgs/55-66lbs?

Wattehfok · 2023-07-05T09:57:32+00:00

If my partner put on that much weight, something would have to be seriously wrong - which would be a far more significant cause for concern that the weight itself.

Is she horribly depressed? Is this some kind of binge eating disorder? Has she developed some kind of hormonal condition?

obviousredflag · 2023-07-05T15:59:10+00:00

First i would get to the bottom of WHY she gained weight. Then i would address this issue together with her so that she is free to change her behavior and lose the weight, or at least change the way she deals with the issue away from eating to something healthier. Then i would assist her in staying on track for losing the weight. I don't need to tell her that her body is less attractive to me to the point i don't want to be with a person of that weight long term. She knows that just as well and is likely not happy at all with that weight change. I'd use the focus on fitness and diet to get into even better shape myself, so she gets a more attractive partner too, and doesn't feel alone on the weight loss train.

Ok_Vermicelli_5938 · 2023-07-05T14:54:58+00:00

Genuinely not to be mean, yes? It depends on how serious the relationship is. If we're in it for the long haul, I would've probably tried to mitigate it or address it before it got to that point, so if it's still happening I lean towards yes but id probably be gone before then.

Short term? Without a doubt.

Again, not to be mean, but people in this country (the US) need a hard reality check on what is healthy weights and body comps and what isn't. Everyone is different blahblahblah I know, but unless you are a 1/1000 genetic outlier, you are probably not an exception.

I know losing weight is hard, when I was 19-20 I weighed 330lbs. I also know how many bad decisions every day, of every week, of every month, for YEARS it took to get to that point.

I'm 6'4" 195lbs right now, and pretty muscular. I can trace veins from my wrist through my delt in my shoulder. I workout 5-6 days a week for 2 hours a day of weight training, and do probably 30 miles of low intensity cardio a week. I think anyone who sees me even just in a T shirt would go "that guy definitely works out". I try to take care of myself, I have good size and definition along with vascularity.

I want a girlfriend who does the same. But my bar is like, comically low. I don't expect abs and rippling muscles. Literally just do not be fat. That's it. Don't have a bigger stomach (size wise) than me. Like I am a fucking BIG guy size wise, I have a very large frame that holds my weight very well, mostly favorable muscle inserts, etc. There's virtually no part of you other than maybe quads on some ripped short chick, that should be overall bigger than me. I don't mean this from a place of insecurity, just more so that if you are at all as big as me in any way there's probably a tremendous amount of fat.

It fucking KILLS me when I see all these women online be like "well not that its my fault I gained a little happy weight during the relationship" and they mention like 50lbs in 6 months on someone that's 5'3" and people are like "That's perfectly fine!!!".

I looked fat as FUCK at 230lbs while working out regularly. I can assure you with absolute certainty, you being 165lbs at 5'6" and not exercising leading up to that gain means you are very overweight. Seriously, at 6'4" 35lbs is the difference between ripped vs a gut with man boobs.

Like I cannot fathom some of the mental gymnastics I see/hear when people talk about whatever woman weighing nearly what I do, while being over a foot shorter, and pretending they somehow don't have fat rolls while standing up. Yes women have a higher bodyfat percentage, but considering i'm 6'4" and workout like it's my job (because it is), you should not even be remotely within spitting distance of my weight. Unless you're close to 6ft as a woman, or are straight up ripped, there's no excuse to weigh that much.

I sound hateful and I admit I have a dislike for obese people, but it's genuinely partly out of wishing they would take care of themselves for themselves. I remember being 330lbs, 270lbs, etc. It didn't feel good. Physically or mentally. I missed out on so many life experiences because of my insecurity revolving around my weight. So much of my personality and who I fundamentally am felt locked away because I couldn't show it through how fat I was and felt.

Like there's so much joy in life that is seriously locked away if you are overweight or obese, so many activities I enjoy and find fun I would find absolutely miserable if I was stuck with a overweight chick, and that's not even getting into the confidence/insecurity issues they usually have in those situations.

It takes so many years of bad decisions and lack of self love to get to that point. Outside of the .1% mentally ill, I truly do not believe anyone is completely happy with themselves when they're like that. At least I never was able to be. And i'm happy for that, I'm not happy with how I am right now and doubt I ever will be, but I love the process, I love taking care of myself and seeing progress on my journey with no end.

TheGreatBeefSupreme · 2023-07-05T14:00:22+00:00

“In sickness and in health” includes weight-related issues, so no.

AreOut · 2023-07-05T09:29:31+00:00

for a woman to put on so much weight there would have to be significant change in her life that would affect our relationship way more than the weight itself

Zealousideal_Cat_644 · 2023-07-05T14:30:10+00:00

If she became from slim to chonky, good. If she becomes a blob of fat from chonky, bad. If she's a faithful & loving wife, + a good mother to my kids. I would just expect her to be physically fit and love her the way she deserves.

Green-Quantity1032 · 2023-07-05T14:59:29+00:00

tbh my partner wouldn't do that, I'd ask what's up a lot before that..

+ girls I dated for a long time really care about their looks and don't need me to supervise that

angelicasinensis · 2023-07-05T16:13:46+00:00

Uhhh of course not I’m Married 🥰

Impossible_Reason_84 · 2023-07-05T11:03:59+00:00

I mean, that's not THAT bad. I kept gaining and losing 70-80 pounds in my life. I have 3 Planet Fitnesses each about 10 minutes away so we can definitely hit it off together. Also, a 60 pound increase when you're 5'10 is away different than the same amount while you're 5'2. It's not the end of the world unless she says that she doesn't wanna change at all then....yikes

AutomaticMeaning3844 · 2023-07-05T09:32:49+00:00

Not immediately but if she can't get to a healthy BMI relatively soon, yes. It would cast doubts on her ability to stay healthy or have bare minimum discipline in the future.

Skragly · 2023-07-05T15:57:17+00:00

Hot garbage

MrQuiteLimited9 · 2023-07-05T18:59:14+00:00

Unless it’s because she’s pregnant, I’m ending things. I put a lot of effort to stay in good shape and would expect the same from a romantic partner

100PercentNattyBrah · 2023-07-06T05:15:39+00:00

Yeah probably, 10-15kg though? That's the sweet spot.

Any chick I date is gonna gain weight at some point because I'll be cooking and taking them out for food.

steliogural · 2023-07-06T05:52:48+00:00

YES. I'd lose attraction and can't be in a relationship anymore. Any normal guy would feel the same

Genetic_Prisoner · 2023-07-05T15:29:17+00:00

I would be out of there at the 15lbs mark. I workout 6 days a week and all i ask from you is dont be fat. If you cant even do that then we are just not compatible.

MasterTeacher123 · 2023-07-05T16:25:05+00:00

Absolutely because I wouldn’t be attracted to her

DumbWordsmith · 2023-07-05T13:17:06+00:00

When I was younger? Nope. I'd help her lose weight (I did that, actually) and sort out her life. It's an indication of a much deeper issue.

Now? I'd leave, just like she'd look for a replacement if I lost my job, fell on hard times, or met a more attractive man willing to commit. I'm not a sucker for love anymore. I sacrificed too much time and money, and learned my lesson.

bootyhunter69420 · 2023-07-05T14:59:13+00:00

50 pounds is a lot. If it's due to her being lazy and stuffing her face all day, yes.

purplish_possum · 2023-07-05T15:28:12+00:00

If most of it went to her booty we good.

DerayRevan · 2023-07-05T09:29:17+00:00

I won't break up with her but l'll communicate how unattractive she's gotten and if she cares about her partner's attraction then she'll do something about it

Guilty-Instruction60 · 2023-07-05T10:47:03+00:00

I would drop her for much less, just like i would expect her to dump me if i stop becoming the guy she was initially attracted to.

abaxeron · 2023-07-05T11:15:30+00:00

What? No. I'm that guy, we're still together and raising a kid.

NeveruseTren · 2023-07-05T12:18:34+00:00

She would be gone before she could even get to the point of gaining 55 pounds. At about 20 we would be having a serious discussion and if she didn’t make an effort to lose the weight she just gained she would be out of here.

IfitsAsix · 2023-07-05T11:26:02+00:00

If you are questioning being with this person because of the weight then you need to move on. If you feel you don’t care about her enough to see past the weight then that’s ok, just don’t force your ideals in her.

WingclippedBirdman · 2023-07-05T12:32:42+00:00

Id leave. I also would have intervened long before she hit 55lbs of extra weight though. I would have said something at the 15lb mark at the latest.

obviously this may affect your attraction to her

It would outright kill it.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2023-07-05T12:38:28+00:00

I dint think my wife’s 5’1 frame could put that all on. Although she did gain a significant amount of weight one year. But then the baby was born so, you know,

KayRay1994 · 2023-07-05T13:53:06+00:00

depends on a lot of factors - ex. was I still able to maintain my current state of health? how long were we in the relationship? is she willing to work though it? is this weight gain a result of a mental or physical health issue?

General_High_Ground · 2023-07-05T16:18:37+00:00

Women are pretty brutal about their preferences and standards and what they find attractive.

If I already had to pass 23756543133456 ↑ ↑ ↑ ↑ ↑ 9478151 shit tests and requirements to date her (and so that she can find me attractive), she better be the best version of herself inside and outside, and yes that includes her looks too.If she can't keep up, I'm bailing and looking for something better.

OTOH if I manage to find a woman that actually looks at me as a human being rather than a checklist then that woman would've received more understanding and support from me in return too.But those kind of women are basically non-existent.

Inevitable-Log9197 · 2023-07-05T09:37:05+00:00

Short answer - yes.

Long answer - it wouldn’t get to that point. Because I would break up with them not because of the weight per se, but because of their character.

I’m inherently dating a person who inspires me, and whom I inspire. And if they see how I work out in the gym and gain muscle weight and improving my aesthetics, they’ll feel inspired by that, or at least a little pressured by that (in a good way) to work upon themselves too.

But if they don’t, that means I inherently chose a partner who doesn’t want to reciprocate in any way, which would show how little they appreciate my hard work. So yeah - in that case I would break up with them. But not because of the weight, but their actions.

Workaholiconew · 2023-07-05T11:24:59+00:00

Depends.

What made me choose her as a partner to begin with?

If she only has sex as a significantly positive trait to offer and build no positive bond with their partner like 90% of women. I would just leave intantly.

If she has other traits who are significantly positive. I would give some tolerance depending on what that is and how positive that is. Like. If she is a good mother for my kids I could tolerate her for a few years before leaving (considering nothing is changed) and if she is an excellent and hard working mother for my kids and wife and just happened to get fatter with age... I probably will die before I leave...

But I doubt I will ever find such women

RandomRedditGuy322 · 2023-07-05T12:37:48+00:00

Yes.

bobby995557 · 2023-07-05T13:23:58+00:00

Nearby-raceeraser-26 · 2023-07-05T13:28:44+00:00

It would be a problem for sure. Relationship probably wouldnt last long

Blueice607 · 2023-07-05T13:29:32+00:00

Without a doubt

bryansodred · 2023-07-05T14:16:30+00:00

If were married, no. If we arent married, hell yes.

bobby995557 · 2023-07-05T14:22:35+00:00

Yes. Would you break up with your man if he started earning 25-50% less money?

Bouldershoulders12 · 2023-07-05T15:11:05+00:00

Yes. I would give her one opportunity to workout and diet but if she refuses to lose it i can stay . Only exception is a medical condition but that super rare and an anomaly (people use it as an excuse )

For reference I lift 5x a week so I expect someone in shape and she knows this . Her parents even tell her to workout with me and stay in shape which I love

EverVigilant1 · 2023-07-05T15:29:28+00:00

Yes, I sure would. Or if she stopped having sex with me, or became a bitch.

Just like she would leave me if I put on that much weight, or lost my job, or got depressed and couldn't get better, or she just found a more sexually attractive man willing to commit to her.

Poor_OverSexxxed_Me · 2023-07-05T15:42:17+00:00

66 lbs is a lot. If she refuses to lose it, and/or seek help, instant dump. If I become super broke financially and was homeless, I’d expect her to dump me too

Stunning_Thing4208 · 2023-07-05T15:46:54+00:00

Yes. Yes I would.

Faykenews · 2023-07-05T16:53:34+00:00

Tried working through it. They didn't want to prioritize their health. It's a big shared priority for me. Had to leave them.

This is a standard I won't compromise on

bread93096 · 2023-07-05T17:22:10+00:00

Yes. Physical attraction is the foundation of a passionate relationship, once that goes, it’s basically over unless you’re 65+ years old and have spent a lifetime together. It’s also a values thing. Your physical health effects your ability to perform basic tasks, to travel, go on walks/hikes, and experience the world together. Personally I have never been more than 20 pounds above my ideal weight without making serious changes to my diet and activity level in order to get back where I like to be. I plan to remain physically fit and active into old age, it’s a higher priority to me than making money, having kids, or just about anything else.

sayittentimesfast · 2023-07-05T19:16:14+00:00

No, I'd cheat first.

KirthWGersen · 2023-07-05T11:04:49+00:00

If you are not sexually attracted to someone, you can't have a sexual relationship with them, so I would convert the sexual relationship into a friendship.

However, women know I am like that, and also that I am not monogamous, so if they want to continue to have a sexual relationship with me, they don't get fat (or act unreasonably, etc.).

This is one of the reasons that committing to a life-long monogamous relationship seems crazy to me. It points the incentives in the wrong direction and encourages people to get lazy.

therealcosmicnebula · 2023-07-05T13:42:15+00:00

Yall stay delusional.

Couples usually get fat together.

Not apart.

sexualdeskfan · 2023-07-05T10:40:36+00:00

I don’t think any couple is just going to suddenly find themselves in this situation assuming you aren’t including pregnancy. My wife would probably be lucky to weigh 60kg so I don’t think we would be waiting for her to be halfway toward doubling in weight before we had a conversation about it

For argument sake though I think we would split up. I look after myself, watch what I eat and am not attracted to overweight people. I really don’t see myself staying fit for a partner who doesn’t care about their health or appearance.

wtknight · 2023-07-05T11:13:53+00:00

I wouldn't break up with her, but I'd probably constantly be trying to convince her to lose the weight.

duenebula499 · 2023-07-05T14:47:38+00:00

Honestly I’d prefer if she did, she’s currently veryyyyy small at 95 lbs and I’d probably prefer if she gained a little.

_demidevil_ · 2023-07-05T16:15:24+00:00

I’d be more concerned that something is wrong with them.

Neptune-Jr · 2023-07-05T17:40:41+00:00

Probably not.

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MajesticMaple · 2023-07-05T14:26:39+00:00

I know I should leave her, but idk if I'd have the heart to actually do it. People will leave you for far less so it doesn't make sense to not hold people to some standard of "you must be entertaining to me" side from obvious "sickness" excuse. I think a lot of the guys saying they'd leave have never been in that situation. Sunk cost fallacy, emotional attachment, family entanglement, the comfort of not having to find a partner etc. And that's not even mentioning the obvious empathy you have for someone you've spent so much time with. Idk how people leave relationships so easily, for me it's very tough thing to do and I'd need a good reason to justify it to myself.

Complex-Hat1875 · 2023-07-05T14:51:37+00:00

Purely for gaining a bit of weight? No. I don't put too much pressure outside of not being morbidly obese. However I'd certainly have a talk about it. I put on that much weight over the pandemic, the forced sedentary lifestyle, the depression that followed from it and a bad breakup from the pandemic straining our relationship, it's easy to let it creep up on you if you go from an active lifestyle to not without giving a shit what you're eating so I know full-well they don't feel good about it and might just need a helping hand to start losing it.

50-60lb's doesn't look that bad, but if it goes unchecked it's extremely worrying that something is wrong and they're coping. I really don't want to deal with seeing my partner killing themself, my mother is obese and all of the health complications she has had as a result has been a living hell on my family and once in a lifetime is enough for me.

LocalCap5093 · 2023-07-05T16:19:35+00:00

Btw if it offers insight to anyone- this happened to me & my husband. A year and a half ago I started gaining about 1-2 lbs a week then it went to 3-4 and then I was 60lbs over.

Around the 30lbs mark since we were both worried we got a new medical team etc and they discovered I had a slight tumor (I think that’s the correct name) and it was causing all sorts of irregularities. I’m tumor free now but working on losing the weight- it was a nasty road here due to the way I felt my weight restricted me.

As someone else said- honestly the loving thing imo is to check in with your partner… ask how they’re doing (is it a mental health thing) or help them seek help (doctors etc)

Hoopy223 · 2023-07-05T19:57:11+00:00

If she starts gaining weight due to bad habits - and doesn’t want to change - its probably over. Once that ball gets rolling it never stops.

CLyD3_H3ffalump · 2023-07-05T20:14:12+00:00

Probably. Happened to me in an early relationship, it hurt in the moment sure, but I understood why. And as long as I'm able I won't be approaching that BMI again. Granted, there'd be the conversation of getting that weight off, cause from experience I know it can be done in a couple months with minor dietary changes. But 55-60 is quite the trend that developed so I doubt there'd be the drive to lose the weight. It couldn't be "for me" either. If my partner didn't want to lose the weight cause she felt she looked the way she needed to; it's the end of the relationship.

Main-Leek7908 · 2023-07-05T20:30:42+00:00

That depends on if she was willing to put in the work to lose it again. If she went to the gym with me and was being more conscious about her diet and going to the therapy she probably needs, that’s a stick-it-out situation. If she says “fuck off” every time I invite her to work out with me or just sits around shoving food into her mouth all day, I’m out.

PartyVariety1308 · 2023-07-05T21:15:09+00:00

Ill force her to go to the gym and force her to eat less

captaindestucto · 2023-07-05T21:56:48+00:00

No I wouldn't. But being honest, I'd prefer they didn't.

The people claiming it's an inevitable consequence of childbirth should take a look the obesity rate over 40 years. This wasn't normal in the '60s. There isn't anything inevitable about that kind of weight gain, it's 80% lifestyle. That's fine. People's bodies are their own, but others don't have to find it attractive or have no opinion on the appearance of someone they're in relationship with.

AMDisappointment · 2023-07-05T22:01:29+00:00

Yes. I'm not attracted to obese women.

MonumentousDukie · 2023-07-05T22:01:35+00:00

No. My wife gained 85 lbs during pregnancy. I still desire her, but she won’t engage sexually bc she feels disgusting. It’s rough. Life is hard. When I was single I chose not to have sex. I won’t let her insecurities and my lack of sexual behavior determine my self worth. I’m worth love and a good life. It just looks different in different seasons.

AbsolutelyNobody0 · 2023-07-05T22:27:11+00:00

It wouldn't get that far without being addressed. If it was addressed and still continued to that point, then she'd be out the door.

Veloci-Tractor · 2023-07-05T23:06:43+00:00

if yr girls not gaining weight when shes w you yr not treating her right

GlasgaAccentfurYanks · 2023-07-05T23:12:12+00:00

Nah, I'd let her break me. Death by Snu snu.

FutureBannedAccount2 · 2023-07-05T23:41:42+00:00

It depends. Some women look good when they're a little more thicc.

If It's the case I don't find her attractive then I would try to get her to come to the gym with me. If she's happy with the weight but I'm not then we'd probably break up

Nihi1986 · 2023-07-06T00:25:37+00:00

Not necessarily if it's 25-30, most likely would stop finding her attractive if it's more than that, and first and foremost, I'd worry about her and try to help her because clearly she's going through something dangerous like a really bad depression or physical health problem.

I wouldn't break up without seeing what she's going to do about it and definitely not before telling her that I have an issue with that and how important it is for me. I'd be patient and give her enough time for treatment to work.

If she's suffering and struggling and it's caused by a serious health problem (depression included) I'd give her extra time or simply accept it and try to be less shallow, to just support her and love her for her other qualities, our story together and who she is.

If it's happening because she no longer gives a shit about how she looks to me and she likes sugar and carbs way too much without any kind of disorder, though...probably a good time to break up then.

Long_Cause_9428 · 2023-07-06T00:30:40+00:00

Depends on the reason. I'd probably try and get her to go to the gym/work out with me first, but if she's just being lazy than it's over.

SleepLivid988 · 2023-07-06T01:30:32+00:00

Am I to assume that all the people answering are not overweight themselves? Because my ex gained 110 pounds while we were together while I (already “not skinny”) gained 20 pounds, and he left me for some other chick because I was “too fat”.

liferelationshi · 2023-07-06T01:50:26+00:00

Yes, if she wasn’t losing it right away.

pandasloth69 · 2023-07-06T01:52:52+00:00

I love how for the rest of the world, gaining weight in a relationship is a sign of happiness and comfortability, but this sub, it’s a sign of the end times. Fascinating.

Abadabadon · 2023-07-06T02:11:12+00:00

Absolutely not, but I've been with them for several years.

Widerace9 · 2023-07-06T02:46:46+00:00

I broke up with my boyfriend of four years because he gained 5 kg which put him in the overweight category. I told him how that made me lost all my physical attraction to him and he lost the weight in a month but after two more months he gained it all back. He couldn't keep the weight off because he kept stress eating.

There's something about men with not flat stomachs that make them look like ugly fat women, it's repulsive.

Embarrassed-Tune9038 · 2023-07-06T11:13:01+00:00

I'd have a thin woman lined up ready for bailout.

It is easy AF not to gain weight. I weigh 210. I have never weighed more than 230 and I have weighed less than 180 just a few years ago.

I eat what I want but, but not to excess. I got a job that makes me walk about ten miles a day.

I haven't been to a gym in 20 years.

It is easy AF not to be a fat, disgusting pig of a human.

Mundane_Potential454 · 2023-07-06T14:45:25+00:00

Most likely, yeah

jimRacer642 · 2023-07-06T15:20:32+00:00

#pierseBrosnanWife

Gilmoregirlin · 2023-07-06T16:35:48+00:00

My ex did and no I did not leave him. I knew that he knew he had gained it, he was stressed and going through grief. I just supported him. He lost some of it but not all. I was okay with that. He on the other hand was not okay when I gained 15 pounds over the course of 7 years! Now if someone gained weight to the point they were bedbound I think that's totally different and yes that would change your lifestyle. But based on pure aesthetics, no way.

Bucephalus-ii · 2023-07-09T06:16:03+00:00

Definitely

Title	Would you break up with your partner if she put on 25-30kgs/55-66lbs?
Author	Illustrious-Line-996
Upvotes	53
Comments	210
Date	July 5, 2023 9:17 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/14r5dyr/would_you_break_up_with_your_partner_if_she_put/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/would-you-break-up-with-your-partner-if-she-put-on.1224228 https://theredarchive.com/post/1224228

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