Making women feel safe around you is apparently the biggest factor in attraction?

mix_taken · 2023-07-03T19:47:51+00:00

You have to make them feel safe and ALSO be attractive dummy

LoopyPro · 2023-07-03T19:52:59+00:00

It's a double edged sword. The 2X comment you're referencing is misleading.

Yes, being an immediate danger to her will not do you any favors. But being the complete opposite of that doesn't automatically make her more attracted. Safe guys are often boring guys, and boring guys are not interesting. Being very cautious and too focused on making her feel comfortable will just kill her attraction and arousal.

I guess that like always, the sweet spot is somewhere in the middle.

TheRedPillRipper · 2023-07-03T21:17:35+00:00

feeling safe

The issue is ‘feeling safe’ is subjective. The immediate comments following then list all the relationships that women ‘didn’t feel safe’ in. Yet one was in it for 6 years. The next is still in it.

Safety is an important factor, but keeping what people say, and what people do, in perspective, is beneficial.

Godspeed and good luck!

TelevisionGloomy5458 · 2023-07-03T23:31:38+00:00

I’d say it’s super important and I lost attraction for someone I was crazy about because he had anger issues and would rage and me out of the blue. Just snap. Damn I miss the sex, but I also want to live

Poor_OverSexxxed_Me · 2023-07-03T21:10:15+00:00

It just so happens that all the ugly, unattractive men all happen to make women feel unsafe.

Opening_Tell9388 · 2023-07-03T20:06:42+00:00

You know what really makes women feel safe around you? Having other women around. Always keep homegirls around. Idk why manosphere spaces don't talk about making friends who are women. They will put you on, inform you, and just create a cool dynamic in a group of friends.

redguard_crime_stats · 2023-07-03T21:58:35+00:00

I have never met a thug that doesn't get bitches.

Chad_Thundercock717 · 2023-07-04T00:28:06+00:00

Some of you don't seem to get it. Feeling safe is more than feeling physically protected. Women have to trust you. They have to know you're not going to slip them a Mickey. No silly r-worded pickup lines. You have to be normal.

throwaway164_3 · 2023-07-04T00:20:37+00:00

Every woman who friendzoned me said she felt safe around me.

Every woman I slept with did not say that about me.

It’s good to be a “safe guy”, but you need to be the “attractive guy” first. Women will gladly fuck a man they find attractive even if they don’t think he’s safe.

Still it’s good to be a safe guy and not a creep,

lolthankstinder · 2023-07-03T20:52:32+00:00

I think wording it that way is confusing. Making her feel UNsafe is the biggest factor in UNattraction. Feeling safe around a guy is bare minimum.

Feeling safe from other guys is also a factor but probably not the biggest. That’s why women like height. Being taller than 84% of guys (6’) helps you fight off other guys if needed. It’s very annoying tho because it’s like a nuclear arms race for height. Women keep sexually selecting for height to feel “safe” and then create even taller guys that make women feel even more unsafe. Just sign a treaty already and stop creating more nukes.

lolmastr13 · 2023-07-03T19:56:36+00:00

Feeling safe ≈ social proof/Preselection. Some level of it is essentially a necessity, like the majority of women will not start a relationship with the majority of men if they’re complete strangers.

It might be the biggest factor for initial attraction but I don’t think it holds up long term

FlyV89 · 2023-07-03T22:35:31+00:00

I would say next to being good looking, not looking like a serial killer is the most important thing to make a woman attracted to you.

The soft spot is a dude who LOOKS dangerous but give them this vibe that it's not on his plans to hurt them.

Speaking as a 6.3' 200lbs jacked, tatted dude with a "biker" vibe here.

Honestly, I put a lot of effort in being friendly and portraying myself as chill and warm around strangers, because even men would freak out and feel intimidated around me sometimes.

It doesn't help that my eyebrows, eyes and overall demeanor gives these "psycho-killer" vibes that make me look quite terrifying, something women have pointed out several times (in fact, my friends say I look like a villain stright out from a fiction, the bad guy of The Punisher series or Wolverine are comparisons people bring up constantly).

So since I feel pretty conscious about this, I put doble effort in being friendly and chill when socializing...

Still, women prefer the "badass" me to the friendly big dude.

When going on dates, talking just the necesary, engaging a bit and not showing all my cards is what has brought me the most sucess, to the point is really noticeable I mean. For a while I tried to be friendly and showing intrest with women, but like 3 out of 10 would pass from a second date, and only like four of them, may be a handful if I was lucky, would turn into something more down the road.

Now that I've changed my overall attitude when approaching the dating world, whenever they ask what I do for a living for example, instead of telling them I own a small business brand I tell them "oh you don't want to know, but I can make a living don't worry" and brush it off.

And like 8 out of 10 dates I go on turn out hook ups.

AgeOfReasonEnds31120 · 2023-07-04T04:25:42+00:00

Misandry and anti-black racism have so much in common, I swear.

asdf333aza · 2023-07-04T07:48:03+00:00

If they wanted safety so many of them wouldn't have stories about dating drug dealers, felons and whatever other form of local bad boy they like the get involved with. If women desired safety, they would pick safe guys and we wouldn't have an epidemic of single mothers and bastards running around.

Brilliant-Hornet1916 · 2023-07-03T22:55:41+00:00

Chris Brown beats the shit out of women and is one of the most desired men in the world. He can send out a tweet of his location and have a mile-long queue of attractive women outside his hotel room within an hour.

The idea that "safety" is what's separating the men who get laid vs those who aren't is laughable. Not coming across as a violent dangerous psycho is just a bare minimum requirement, which most men can manage without much problem.

Men who get friend zoned by women are literally considered the safest men on the planet, hence why women actively keep them around and choose to spend time with them, telling him what a sweet guy he is and how any woman (other than her) would be lucky to have him. She'll simultaneously be getting fucked by a guy who calls her at 1am when he's horny, and you think what's separating these 2 men is the one she's fucking is "more safe"? Please...

There's also the elephant in the room of the halo vs horns effect. Women interpret unattractive men as dangerous by default and see attractive men as more trustworthy by default.

renfsu · 2023-07-04T06:28:22+00:00

Two x is a bad example, it's a retention pond of women who are upset with men. A circlejerk of unattractive women and pump and dumped victims. I could never date a girl in that sub. But that's another discussion.

The issue isn't how wrong the comments are (I feel safe, he's so hot). It's the issue of perspective.

A woman can date a murderer (they're quite popular). Since he hasn't killed her she feels safe. Because everyone else is afraid of him chopping their head off. From her perspective he makes her feel safe because no one will ever mess with a murderers girlfriend.

Not only that but many women speak emotionally, not logically. "He's nice and makes me feel safe" will get up votes. It's like talking to politicians.

The "he makes me feel safe" top comment is simply a grab at attention towards women who've dated violent men.

Hackars · 2023-07-04T00:08:55+00:00

When women say they want to feel safe around a man, they don't mean a man who is harmless but one that can kill other men and yet remains gentle towards her. It's euphemism for a civilized beast.

toasterchild · 2023-07-03T19:40:47+00:00

I'm not sure attractive women tent to attract really superficial men. Superficial people aren't always known for being the most stable.

96tillinfinity_ · 2023-07-03T23:14:14+00:00

Its about being unpredictable, fun, spontaneous but she is safe when she is with you

You are the bubble that shields her from danger while being everything I described above (and attractive to her)

raldabos · 2023-07-04T04:06:08+00:00

Yeah, that's why there are not abusive man nor abusive relationships. Because women don't like that.

eonus01 · 2023-07-04T04:45:59+00:00

Making women feel safe around you is a good way to be come friends with them, yes. But read that aloud - "friends".

itm4l2000 · 2023-07-04T05:50:48+00:00

A woman has to earn my vibe of feeling safe with her. She isn't entitled to it. Men shouldn't be entitled to women bodies and men are not obliged to make women feel safe.

This is the next battle in the gender war.

You wanted to destroy the Patriarchy now fend for yourselves.

obviousredflag · 2023-07-04T06:53:08+00:00

As always, women leave out the part where the man needs to meet her attractiveness standards. Just being super safe for the woman will not make her super attracted. But, as a secondary needed requirement, safety is the most important. This is in line with other studies where "consistency" came out as the most important quality of an online dating profile. Inconsistency was a sign of not being able to trust a man's statements/pictures, not feeling safe, not being able to predict a man. Unpredictability is also the main cause for feeling creepd out or seeing a man as being creepy. Unpredictability is a risk for safety.

Whereas the most attractive women may have so many safe options that it's not a really factor for them.

What you say here is that for the most attractive women, safety is also a very important factor, as they ONLY select from a group of safe options, disregarding super attractive but "unsafe" men.

Safety is also the reason why on the scale of super masculine to super un-masculine faces in men, the optimum is not at the most masculine face, for testosterone-aggressiveness interaction (among others).

I am an attractive guy and i could see how my success on online dating peaked once i realized that making the women feel safe with me, showing trustworthyness, was more important than seduction and aggressive flirting.

As always, traits are on a spectrum and neither end of it is the maximum for what women want. 100% safe is boring as fuck.

rogueman999 · 2023-07-04T07:03:22+00:00

Yeah, which is why abused women dump the guy every time, and never go back to him or ever expect him to change.

I mean, there are myths and myths, but few are so easily falsified.

nsquared5 · 2023-07-04T10:29:59+00:00

Don't listen to what they say, watch what they do.

That sub is full of women dating assholes. They preach whatever, but go on dating and marrying toxic assholes.

The thing I have seen work consistently on women is hot and cold game. Cycles of lovebombing and withdrawal. It's unfortunate that it works so well.

ratboi34 · 2023-07-03T19:59:18+00:00

Certain things that make her feel safe, can make you attractive:

Calmness (usually your voice is deeper when calm, calmness indicates confidence)
being tall, strong (visual attraction)
being protective (allowing her to let go and makes you seem dominant/assertive)

It is really important to lower a woman's anxiety on dates

purplepillowed · 2023-07-03T21:26:28+00:00

Not ‘safe’ as in you are ‘safe and not threatening’. She wants you to make her feel protected.

taller and bigger than her
handle situations, lead
competent and assertive
protective but not mate guarding
preselected by other women
stoic, she doesn’t need to deal with your feelings

Of course, all of this is on top of physical attraction, it goes without saying.

LouisdeRouvroy · 2023-07-04T02:51:22+00:00

If feeling safe was a factor of attraction, then women wouldn't leave men because they're boring or there are no tingles.

OP's link is just another case a women's double speak and why you shouldn't take what they say at face value but look at what they do. They're emotional junkie and that's why they go for bad boys.

Feeling safe comes into play at 34 when she's been dumped and badly treated by her tenth bad boy boyfriend who was mysterious and gave her goosebumps...

AstronautLoveShack · 2023-07-03T20:14:07+00:00

Yeah, most women are not going to be comfortable alone and naked with a man she does not feel safe with.

BrummieAMN19 · 2023-07-04T00:45:36+00:00

No its building attraction first then comfort, nice guys finish last because they do the opposite. However a woman won't sleep with you first date or ONS or even bust a nut if there isn't enough comfort in majority of cases in an initial interaction and if she does buyers remorse is increased. These I regret sex situations women have was because those men did not build comfort enough.

But if you don't build attraction then the convo will fizzle out and she'll find a way to fuck off or you're friendzoned. This video is the best explanation on the subject I've watched https://youtu.be/utgs4PFOrQM

social_mules_alt · 2023-07-04T01:40:20+00:00

Attraction is the biggest factor in attraction. Yes, it really is that simple.

horonlapsi · 2023-07-04T02:18:52+00:00

its kinda yes but woman would rather choose to stay single than date an ugly guy that makes them feel save so making a woman feel save wont make you more attractive to her

Lv99_Slacker · 2023-07-04T03:20:29+00:00

Hence the height thing.

caption291 · 2023-07-04T05:00:11+00:00

This is a classic example of women taking for granted all the other standards they have and then declaring the thing that allows them to separate between the options that are left the "top priority".

"The most important thing when selecting a brand of cigarettes is health." Is not wrong...but it takes for granted that you are smoking which is obviously very unhealthy. So health is definitely not your top priority overall.

A lot of the things women want are things that aren't consistent with desiring safety. Being boring is one of the safest thing, being analytical instead of emotionally driven is very safe, Being realistic/insecure instead of confident is very safe etc...

And given that the statistically most likely guy to hurt a woman is her partner...the desire for a strong partner is also indicative of not caring about safety all that much.

Safety is a priority once all the actual priorities have been taken care of.

caption291 · 2023-07-04T05:19:00+00:00

Btw, the keyword is FEEL. Women want to FEEL safe around a guy.

Being safe and feeling safe can be wildly different things. Most people don't feel safe when they are in very safe situations. The feeling of safety often requires a contrast with exposure to danger.

To pout it simply: I've seen more Women feel unsafe when a short unattractive guy talked to them than I have when a 6'2 drug dealer invited them back to his place after a 10 minute conversation.

bootyhunter69420 · 2023-07-04T12:06:20+00:00

But a lot of women like thugs that put them in danger

Emotional-Day8685 · 2023-07-04T00:23:53+00:00

Your theory makes sense. Though even if I don't have a lot of options, I would still go for someone who I feel safe and comfortable with and who I'm attracted to, which is subjective because women have different opinions on what they find attractive in a person

BigVulvaEnergy · 2023-07-03T20:03:13+00:00

Yes.

I'll keep repeating.....attraction isn't the first or the only thing in dating.

How you make someone feel (safe or even horny) matter most.

What's attractive is subjective. Focusing too much on attraction is causing so many obstacles.

JumboJetz · 2023-07-03T22:45:46+00:00

For what it’s worth, I’ve had a lot of luck lately explicitly asking for consent. I.e “is it ok to kiss you?” Etc.

Society is changing. I think women appreciate this now whereas a decade ago they’d think it was unconfident and a turnoff.

tinableuu · 2023-07-04T00:35:43+00:00

i would like to feel safe around a guy that im dating its important to know if something happens I can be safe w him

Tricky_Dog1465 · 2023-07-04T02:44:53+00:00

I think men don't understand why we want safety so badly because they have never had to deal with being unsafe as often as women do.

Why would you understand? Guys don't often go through people going from loving to violent near as often as women do. Over half of my own relationships have been abusive in one way or another. I've had my throat slit, been stalked, been given broken ribs, hands, pelvic bone, I've been hit so hard I've passed out, I've been sexually assaulted, my money stolen or controlled. The list goes on.

Unless you have lived through it you have no reason to fear it.

WilliamWyattD · 2023-07-04T05:29:29+00:00

Men seemed obsessed with finding the quantitative source code for female attraction. But there really isn't one. Quantifying things is important, especially at the macro level, but even then you have to know the limits. At the individual level, anything beyond very rough quantification is probably counter-productive.

Sure, there are strong wide-scale patterns in what women find attractive, and its important to understand them, though this can also be done intuitively. But individual variance is high. A lot of women can even have a 'type', and sometimes those types can defy most of the big picture logic. It's also important to know that what can make a woman ultimately choose a man and what drives more primal desire can be different, and that may matter to you. Male status and resources are still the biggest predictor of male reproductive success, by far. And yet that doesn't mean those factors necessarily lead to the hottest bedrooms these days.

Specific to the OP's question, what does 'safe' mean? Physically safe from others? From him? Emotionally safe? Safe from life challenges such as scarcity? The impact of various types of 'safety' feelings on female attraction is complex if you drill down on it. Comfort of a certain kind can be the opposite of attraction. But if there is already enough raw attraction, a lack of sufficient comfort can get in the way of that attraction being able to truly manifest and bloom. I think you just gotta feel this out, like most things.

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Dunkman83 · 2023-07-04T01:35:18+00:00

no it isnt....

James_Cruse · 2023-07-04T02:11:01+00:00

The problem with asking people these questions is lack of nuance AND most people aren’t very articulate.

When they say they want a man that’s safe, they mean SAFE in all aspects of the word:

= Makes me feel safe (much larger + stronger than me)

= Makes me feel SAFE around other men (is bigger, stronger & tougher than other men)

= Makes me feel safe when with our social circle (he’s the leader + makes his own decisions for us & our group follows him)

= Makes me feel safe with a safety net (he has a strong & successful group of friends that he’s the leader of)

= Makes me feel safe for survival (he has money now and/or will in future)

= His presence makes me feel safe (he’s calm, relaxed and follows his own lead)

= He makes our life feel safe (he has high status that will continue into future)

= He makes me feel like I’m safe (He’s the dominant one who makes decisions and I just go with his decisions - and they usually turn out well)

Etc. Etc. Etc. The list goes on

fakingandnotmakingit · 2023-07-04T03:18:40+00:00

Making a woman feel excitement and arousal while also being safe and stable.

This depends on the woman and her risk taking levels. The less risk averse she is, the less safe and stable you need to be

MasterTeacher123 · 2023-07-04T04:16:54+00:00

Well yeah you got to give her the tingles first

RinoaRita · 2023-07-04T05:08:30+00:00

It’s like the lowest bar to not be a serial killer. I mean there’s the dangerous bad boy who might break your heart and Ted bundy might end up in a ditch.

Actually I was talking to a bunch of teenage boys who were discussing pick up line. It’s the end of year after finals so I just let them chill with games and puzzle worksheets etc.

I was like you know there’s no magic line that’ll impress a girl. If she doesn’t like you the smoothest approach will results in a polite “awww…I’m sorry but” at best and a “ewww how does he think he has a shot with me” at worst.

But the flip side is if she already likes you there’s no way you can mess up. If you’re super awkward but attractive she’ll think it’s so cute and sweet that you’re nervous. I told him if she’s already decided she likes you from your looks, knowing who you are and what you’re about the only way to mess it up is if some how you give off serial vibes.

One guy was like no way if you stammer and your voice cracks she’ll be like what a loser and I’m like nope, it’ll be cute if she found you attractive. The only way to ruin it is saying something that gives off “Ted bundy vibes”.

Anyway safe isn’t #1. That’s like saying the number one things people look for when getting a home is that it has heat, plumbing and electricity. That’s like the basic basic that no one even thinks about unless they’re dodgy.

Responsible_Ice3149 · 2023-07-04T06:27:13+00:00

Feeling safe as " you are no danger to her" and " you will handle things well, whatever happens"

But not feeling safe as " i have him in my pocket, and he will do everything I want"

Financial_Chemist286 · 2023-07-04T07:13:31+00:00

The most attractive trait a woman has for a man is his strength. That what defines masculinity. It means not only being physically strong but also mentally and emotionally.

Automatically you have the strength of your body, mind and can control your emotions then you will make a women feel safe and she will be attracted to you.

Especially when she is in your Popeye arms.

turbokek13 · 2023-07-04T08:22:36+00:00

It's absolutely basic thing that girl must feel safe with you to be able to let her guard down. It isn't about being chad, being strong or tall, it's about being sure that you won't hurt her in any way. Without that it's very hard to let her to know you. You supposed to learn that when you're a kid, just from interactions with others.

TheOrangeGhost · 2023-07-04T08:53:27+00:00

This is why personality plays a HUGE role in attraction for both genders. Certain personality traits are more likely to be found in people with other personality traits. Funny people are more likely to intelligent. Empathetic people are more likely to be caring. Relaxed Confidence shows that a person is less likely to be a creep. When you aren't confident your signaling to the other person that you nervous and importantly that there is something to be nervous about.

Puzzleheaded_Aside_3 · 2023-07-04T13:15:48+00:00

DUH, how do men not know this?

It’s literally the biggest reason as to why i even get the chance to date women. Hell most of the time, it’s the reason as to why they even dare to ask me out

Drive-By-Cuckers · 2023-07-04T13:24:32+00:00

Feeling safe from the guy they’re seeing isn’t what they mean when they say that (obviously that’s important too) but they want to feel like you could keep them safe from external factors as well

A bunny is safe but it isn’t going to protect you walking home at night. It also isn’t going to be able to support you if you lose your job or get pregnant.

Most people want security and safety when it comes to long term relationships, physical safety is no different. I think it’s more so so the appearance of physical safety than actual physical safety though for a lot of people ie: most women would rather date a tall muscular guy who looked like he could defend her than an average guy who carries a gun around even though that guy is realistically more likely to be able to stop a mugging

Although I do think that people walking with taller more muscular people are probably less likely to be targeted for crimes to begin with since a criminal isn’t going to know who has a gun and who doesn’t

HazyMemory7 · 2023-07-04T14:07:46+00:00

I'm sure plenty of men have been around a nice goofy like nerdy guy they feel extremely safe around but have zero attraction to whatsoever.

It's important but nowhere near the biggest factor. I don't think it's even the 5th biggest factor. Looks, game, money, status, being good in bed are all more important.

The top commenter in that thread is BSing her ass off

relish5k · 2023-07-04T14:27:08+00:00

She means she wants a man who she feels will protect her and provider for her. a man whose behavior is trustworthy and predictable, who shows good judgement.

So in other words - tall, strong, financially stable and traditionally masculine. The usual.

Nihi1986 · 2023-07-04T15:26:55+00:00

I don't think so, though of course you should make her feel safe.

FigSubstantial2175 · 2023-07-04T15:55:00+00:00

Rapists have much more consensual sexual partners than an average man, so I'd call bs on this

Ordinary_Ad_7742 · 2023-07-04T15:55:28+00:00

I disagree. Yes, you have to make women feel safe by not being a danger to her, and also being able to protect her from harm. But they’re only attracted if they feel unsafe about having you. What I mean is that you need to show them you have a lot of other options and will walk away at any moment if your boundary is crossed.

AlmostKindaGreat · 2023-07-04T16:52:13+00:00

Feeling that a man is not a threat is at best a prerequisite for attraction. It does not produce any attraction by itself, but being perceived as a threat will usually disqualify him immediately. Feeling protected by a man does produce attraction, but I don't think that's what we're talking about.

I say "at best a prerequisite" because even that standard of feeling a man is not a threat can be relaxed in certain circumstances if the guy is hot enough. Not sure how often this happens, but some women will ignore a lot of red flags, including for safety, for the chance to be with a top guy.

Far_Significance2023 · 2023-07-04T17:30:41+00:00

If this war true, nerds would be swimming on pussy as they are harmless.

Women feel safe around strong men, men who are not awkward, etc. so you have to be attractive and tall and so on to make women feel safe.

dyngladfel · 2023-07-04T22:14:17+00:00

As a feminist once I know a guy "gets it" regarding mutual values it certainly gets a fedora tip from me, but yeah he needed to be attractive already.

VividlyDissociating · 2023-07-05T01:56:03+00:00

if i dont feel safe around him, i dont want him.

i need to feel like i can trust him. like he isnt going to his me or belittle me. i need to feel like i can be myself around him, be vulnerable. all that falls under "feeling safe around" someone.

i dont need to feel like he can fight off someone for me, but i need to feel like he will fight with me.

SillyMushroomTip · 2023-07-05T15:34:52+00:00

"feeling safe" is woman code for "hes attractive and Ill let him fuck me"

Literally a older woman brought me home to her house and let me fuck her in the kitchen on the first date, while her kids were home doing homework. I guess she felt safe lmao

Flightlessbirbz · 2023-07-05T19:09:20+00:00

I wouldn’t say it’s the biggest factor in attraction, but I would say women are far more likely to go on a date with a guy they feel safe around, typically because he is connected to their social circle. A lot of times women have an “automatic no” response when a guy is a total stranger to them. Like one of my friends recently started dating my partner’s best friend, and she hadn’t dated and was celibate for a long time after her last relationship. The fact we know him is exactly why she was interested and gave him a second chance even after he totally screwed up their first date. She is obsessed with him now despite the fact he’s a very awkward person. If he’d just come bumbling up to her randomly, she probably would’ve rejected him.

Title	Making women feel safe around you is apparently the biggest factor in attraction?
Author	SnickMahootie
Upvotes	69
Comments	170
Date	July 3, 2023 7:32 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/14psgl9/making_women_feel_safe_around_you_is_apparently/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/making-women-feel-safe-around-you-is-apparently.1224268 https://theredarchive.com/post/1224268

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