In conversations about gender roles man constantly lament that women have looser gender roles and that men want looser gender roles as well. Many men say they are deemed unattractive when they lean into more feminine gender roles. This is largely because said men try to lean into the more passive and inactive gender roles women take.

Men who take on the active parts of women's gender role are generally sought after. For instance men who plan social events and gatherings, who maintain close relationships with multiple people, men who cook, who are great listeners, etc are more sought after than the identical man without those traits.

Moreover, some men seem to be misenpereting the assertion that men don't need to fit 100% of gender stereotype to mean men don't need to embody ANY masculine characteristics. This is just incredibly naive.

For heterosexual women, a man needs to have some masculine attributes in order to be appealing. That's not some secret and no it doesn't contradict what women have been asking for in men. It's nuance, which men apparently struggle with mightily.

As an example, when feminism became adopted women took on some of men's roles but they did not abandon everything feminine about them either. Women have always understood if there was **nothing** feminine about them they wouldn't have any sexual and romantic appeal to men. Men seem to adopt an all or nothing approach and are increasingly failing to understand that.

Women are looking for partners who do both; who have some feminine traits and some masculine traits. And the most successful marriages have men in them that can do both. Neither women nor society are saying in earnest that men can abandon each and every masculine traits and still be sexually appealing to women