Low effort first dates are based

grand_tiremaster · 2020-09-02T18:20:31+00:00

Bf and I went to a small mountain town (very country, very cute), walked around a lake, walked up and down the town's blvd as our first date. To end the day off, he ordered pizza and grabbed a bunch of blankets and pillows to put in his truck bed, and we hung out under the stars. It wasn't expensive or crazy (unless you consider walking around to be crazy), and it definitely wasn't as boring as a coffee date. It's technically low effort since he didn't spend much money at all, but I thought it was high value because of all that we did that day. We were able to learn about eachother and get a feel for eachother just fine.

IMO coffee "dates" suck.. luckily for me my guy doesn't like coffee lol

RedPill_is_a_cult · 2020-09-02T19:49:20+00:00

Low effort and low cost aren't the same thing. Low effort is lazy, and usually boring. A first date shouldn't feel like a job interview, you want it to be attention grabbing, and if you know anything about your date prior going out, something that shows an interest in what they like, or meshes with their personality. Thoughtfulness is 'high effort', at least in my personal experience.

My first date with my wife was sandwiches in the park, then MST3K at her place with wine, and I brought a laser pointer for her cats, and flowers (not roses, was a spring mix with sunflowers) for her. I already knew a little bit about her sense of humor prior, and it worked out. As a later follow up (one year dating anniversary), I had a stained glass lamp made for her in the image of the flowers I'd gotten for her on that first date.

Lavender_flow · 2020-09-03T10:00:25+00:00

IF you want to have low effort first dates, go right ahead- none is stopping you. But you don't have the right to get upset about a woman saying no to a date because she doesn't want a low effort date. You are allowed to have those dates, but women are also allowed to turn you down without you throwing a hissy-fit about it and verbally attacking them. Which seems to be a huge issue for a large majority of men. That is the whole issue right there.

I dont care about what others do in that regard, you want to have low effort dates, be my guest. But dont go around attacking women for wanting high effort dates, if you dont want high effort dates then move along.

Returnofthemack3 · 2020-09-02T22:25:49+00:00

If a woman expects a lavish first date all on the guys dime, she is not worth your time, period.

bskeevy · 2020-09-02T18:29:18+00:00

If it’s someone I don’t know at all, OLD or whatever, yeah I’d be pretty adverse to dropping $200 at a decent restaurant. That’s a huge expense if you’re doing that a few times a month. If it were a case where I already was acquainted with the woman, either through friends or work or whatever, and especially if there was already a bit of a spark going, I’d probably skip the coffee and go right to the more expensive option.

781234567 · 2020-09-02T18:20:11+00:00

Firstly what is based? I’m never sure when I see it.

Secondly I agree with you but disagree that having a casual first date sets the tone for nothing but casual dates. After a time you’re going to have to get more creative. I also don’t think a fancy first date means that from then on you’ll have to bring your a game constantly. That being said I like casual first dates because if things don’t click and he takes me on this extravagant date I feel guilty he wasted his time, money, and effort on me. I expect that kind of effort once we have already hit it off and know we like each other and want to impress each other. On a first date it feels inauthentic like why throw all this at a stranger?

the_twisted_mentat · 2020-09-02T19:28:39+00:00

I've never gotten a coffee date as as a first date. A coffee date is what I have with a girl I'm already seeing when we're both busy and can only squeeze in 10 minutes during the work day.

Why would you set yourself up for a 10 minute first encounter? Like how long does it take you to drink a coffee? Are you sitting there pounding them back like shots? the drinks gets cold, you're in a busy environment, it's pointless to just idly sit in a cafe? Plus now your breathe reeks of coffee.

At a minimum, pick a decent bar for cocktails or something. It's still not going to be expensive, assuming you're cheap, and it has way more of a chance of turning into a real date, if you decide you want food, or to move the party somewhere else.

nemma88 · 2020-09-02T19:20:15+00:00

I think theres a point is niether party spending beyond their means, what's expensive is relative though. But in the UK coffee places close at around 6 and there's a high % chance it's raining at any time.

2020-09-03T12:32:08+00:00

You say low effort, but really it sounds like you mean low budget. I’d say that’s relative to your lifestyle, if you can’t afford to spend 200 a couple of times a week then it’s indeed not the best idea to do it on the first date. But I definitely think I you should put in some effort if you’re asking someone out.

Expensive-Guitar3609 · 2020-09-03T06:33:51+00:00

First dates are first dates. Don't put too much of anything into it dude. Most of them never work.

stats135 · 2020-09-02T19:09:28+00:00

The title says low effort, but the body is describing low cost. Those two are not the same thing, and in many cases, the exact opposites. Paying for a date is, in its very essence, outsourcing the work required in dating. You pay for entertainment so you don't have to BE the entertainment. You can spend time making a picnic and put in the effort into being humorous enough to make her laugh, or you can just outsource that work by spending a bit at a restaurant or comedy club to have the professionals take care of the food and laughter.

We can all debate on which method is more efficient at getting you what you want out of a date and getting you laid, but the only real answer is that it depends. For financially successful people, paying for it is more efficient. For those that won the genetic lottery, where everything they do would be viewed in a positive light, doing things themselves might get them further.

GennyX · 2020-09-03T06:42:16+00:00

I wish more people went to the gym on a first date. You’d learn so much about each other, really fast.

phlegmdawg · 2020-09-03T06:58:02+00:00

I semi agree the the OP. I wouldn’t call it “low effort,” it’s more like “appropriate effort.”

You don’t really know this person or if you’ll even like them after the date. Be pleasant, curious, and frugal. Why overextend yourself for a stranger? Save your mental time and energy for those you’ve vetted and know are worth your time.

I do object to the idea that you should keep it low cost just because the other person may come to expect it if you splurge. If someone approaches dating with this fearful mindset, they need to work on themselves. Not everyone’s out to get you. And you should have faith in your vetting methods that you filter these people out before any significant resources are used on them.

It’s also ridiculous that the OP makes the faulty correlation between how much money is spent and sex. You’re not “being used” if you have unvoiced expectations and the other person doesn’t magically live up to them. Go buy a hooker if you want guaranteed results. Or learn to use your adult words and lay your expectations out at the beginning so the other person can jump ship if they’re not game.

CodeTamarin · 2020-09-02T21:27:35+00:00

Regardless of whether you're trying to get sex or not. Putting that aside, the "cheap" first date *is* the best thing to do. For a variety of social reasons.

It basically boils down to if things aren't working out, it ends quick and no one wastes time or money.

Basically the worst case scenario you spend 20 minutes with an annoying person and never see them again. Best case, you have an engaging date and you both want more. It also acts as a nifty filter for people who judge "cheap dates" and it's also good for women who worry about safety, since the setting is a very public place.

It's a win, all around for all parties. A simple, quick coffee to get to know them is plenty enough to know if you want to go forward or if you've seen enough.

ConsultJimMoriarty · 2020-09-03T12:38:45+00:00

My go to recommendation for a first date is Nandos.

Because even if it doesn't work out, you still got to eat Nandos.

MoroseAlsoLugubrious · 2020-09-02T21:00:30+00:00

Isn’t used “based” in this manner incel talk?

Also, many guys here will say that even having to choose a place coffee then having to converse is being an “entertaining monkey”

And finally, have you never treated yourself to a night out? Maybe you got a bunch of money and so you take your girl out to a nice steak dinner. Do you think she’s never going to except cooking at home again? Just because a person does one nice thing as a splurge they can’t go back to normal?

I don’t disagree with your premise but the delivery could be sharpened

ontherailstoday · 2020-09-02T19:11:51+00:00

I too agree that you should not try to sucker girls in with an initial appearance of high effort and generosity when the reality is you're lazy and parsimonious.

midwesternMD · 2020-09-03T04:26:21+00:00

The point of a first date is to get to know someone. Whether I take her to a fancy restaurant or a hole-in-the-wall restaurant depends mostly on 1) what I’m in the mood to eat, 2) how noisy the venue is, and 3) what I think might impress her a little without suggesting that I’m trying to buy her attention. But honestly, #1 and #2 dictate 90% of my choices. There’s no way for me to know if a date is going to turn out to be a dud. I try to make sure that even if there’s zero chemistry, at least I’ll have enjoyed the food. I’d prefer it if she did too, but that’s a secondary concern.

Coffee dates sound too low commitment though. I treat college applicants to coffee interviews. I don’t think I could do that with someone I’m romantically pursuing.

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-09-02T18:31:54+00:00

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Iluvalmonds83 · 2020-09-02T22:54:11+00:00

I would hesitate to promote low effort, and instead say low cost first dates are the best way. You can plan a fun, low cost date with some effort that is more valuable/meaningful for both of you than a high cost one

lilastr · 2020-09-03T00:22:20+00:00

That’s why you choose your women wisely OP.

Copperstoner · 2020-09-02T21:36:02+00:00

I think it really depends... If I already know her very well because we have mutual friends than I'm willing to spend more money on drinks. We might even go to a fancy restaurant, were she wears a hot dress and I wear a nice suite. So it's nice if I know her and I know that the attraction is already strong.

But if it's just a "I don't know you well, but I think you are cool date", than it's coffee and a walk through a park.

skullirang · 2020-09-02T23:05:24+00:00

Once went on a coffee date with a MILF in a downtown shop. She showed up in sweats and no make up and she complained about her ex-bf the whole time. She also had some mannerism that completely turned me off.

All I had to do was say I got something coming up and left. Texted someone else and hung out with them at a different coffee shop.

Low commitment first dates are the best. Low effort is not. If she put enough effort in how she looked and tried to be somewhat entertaining I would have given her a chance.

siberiansummer · 2020-09-02T23:36:09+00:00

Omg this is embarrassing. If my bf invited me to a park for the first date we wouldn’t be dating right now. This is also one of the reasons there is like 3:1 male/female ratio on old. It’s the numbers game for men that are trying to pump and dump at the lowest effort. Just how romantic: let’s go to a park or grab a $2 cup of coffee at a hectic coffee shop and then go home with the cheap scrote! Women are not into casual sex the way men are into it. Why the fuck I’d want to waste my precious time with a stranger looking to use me? Low effort date are the best indicator the guy isn’t all that interested and is just playing the field. The end

SaBahRub · 2020-09-02T18:11:28+00:00

Some people prefer transactional relationships, that’s all. Let people make choices

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2020-09-02T18:43:40+00:00

I never get nervous on dates and always aim to have fun/enjoy my time to test for superficial chemistry because what are we even there for? Coffee/lunch dates are boring. I don't want to robotically stare at some man interviewing about myself, uncreative. I talk more intimately about myself or flex the extend of my personality or complex "intellectual" discussions on a 3rd date if it makes it that far.

If the idea is long-winded conversation, this can occur anywhere, for me the ice-breakers usually does occur on the first approach where he makes me laugh, flirtation happens, and we chat a bit about a few topics, assuming the time was convenient and we have nowhere to be (luckily about %50 of the men were good at gauging appropriate time).

There are numerous free activities to do in the city. From art, waterfronts, to parks, trails, lakes, to free shows, to lectures (love where I live!) etc. You here sound boring and weird/neurotic to date with dating, like there is an imbalance/inner-battle with how you portray and share yourself with neurotic fears of the opposite sex on some first date so you must be "on high defense," as a protection mechanism just in case Le beta or le simp slips out. Now, I do not fear being "used" or scammed by the opposite sex on some first date as it is unlikely because it is not in my nature to be following my natural conduct and my expectations are within reason and adjusted in accordance to the type of man I am with (I know what pool I am taking a dip in).

Men that fear being "used" by a random woman on a first date only communicates to me a rebellion of his true nature, that is extremely vulnerable - such men instinctively "SIMP" eventually down the line and still find themselves in negative cycles once the woman expresses disgust to his inconsistency. What was the saying? "Assertion of this true is assertion of it's opposite." Now, the man's (obvious) true nature taking a peak later on once he is comfortable is not the fault of me, and women with this awareness will usually fake their own personas patiently to be wined/dined much later on. C'est la vive.

withrowsprings · 2020-09-02T22:53:43+00:00

Alpha males = donot have to put any efforts. Women will flock to him like moths to fire.

Beta males = have to pay for the dates. Impress the women with the wallet. Job, cars and all the other amenities he will provide.

Women = Just sit and relax.

NaturalQueer · 2020-09-03T00:22:04+00:00

Yeah my hubby took my to this weird like skiing thing, where people skies behind horses and we ate fondue. Cost like 20ish bucks. But it was interesting, and not high effort in the sense that we just drove there he didn’t have to set anything up just bought some tickets.

I always much preferred cheap dates cause I always brought money to pay for myself, never assuming they would pay, so I liked going to a place that I wasn’t going to upset if it doesn’t work out. Doesn’t always have to be boring either, I’ve done Froyo and a walk around the city, and gone to a free museum night, interesting dates that were and fun.

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Mrs_Drgree · 2020-09-02T18:07:43+00:00

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Mrs_Drgree · 2020-09-02T23:08:11+00:00

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762Rifleman · 2020-09-02T23:18:47+00:00

No disagreement

Sekina7 · 2020-09-04T14:07:15+00:00

You could just provide proof regardless as unfortunately I don’t care enough to bet my account and any “proof” you provide would be difficult to verify. Either way if you’re living your “dream” all good. One thing I am not is a hater and although I know where I “rank” and it’s not that cope revenge fantasy the average male poster likes to pain about FDS’ers , for security reasons I don’t be verifying that either . So, up to you.

electric_icy1234 · 2020-09-07T01:25:56+00:00

It’s not always about cost, it’s about thought. You shouldn’t have to spend $200 all the time on a first date, that’s fair. But I think you’re mistaking low cost for low effort. You can have a low cost date with high effort. Painting in the park, showing her your secret hide out spot, eating Wendy’s on a rooftop where you can see the view, going by the pier, even opening the door and making sure she got home safe shows effort. There are many ways to go about it that shows you put thought into it without having to be an expensive steakhouse. And also I think saying men don’t get laid they get used on the FIRST date sort of says a lot. You shouldn’t be using a date just to get into a woman’s pants in the first place unless you both decided that’s what’s going on beforehand like a fwb or a one night situation. If you’re trying to court her, you shouldn’t be going in with the mindset of spending lots of money and expecting her to sleep with you because of that. I don’t disagree with the idea of coffee dates as a first date. In fact, I think a lot of women actually prefer that because it’s a public place and they feel less pressure and can be safe as well, but I just want to make sure you realize that a) thought is different from cost and b) a man’s reason for spending money on a date shouldn’t be to get into a woman’s pants YIKES

catchaleaf · 2020-09-13T13:08:11+00:00

Every coffee date I’ve been on was like the same as interviewing for me. So when the guy followed up I declined. It did help with weeding out two weirdos though. I would say my best dates are thoughtfully planned out, can involve walking and a drink & food after. Still low effort but much nicer experience.

Doctor823 · 2020-09-02T19:26:28+00:00

Meanwhile as a woman you have to spend a ton of time getting ready, risk your safety, text your friends you are going on a lame park date (embarassing), wear clothing that may or may not be forever associated with meeting a creeper, and then go on the date with someone who doesn't even like you enough to want to do something special.

If you want to screen I'm all for facetime calls.

But I don't do park dates. It's the guy trying to get sex for the least effort. I'm trying to screen those guys out. I'll wait to go on dates w guys that want to impress me.

Lots of low quality dates are great for men.

Only a few quality dates are whats great for women.

Sultmaker_9000 · 2020-09-02T20:38:33+00:00

Too many women are available for a few drinks and fuck to make it worth your time to do much more.

In fact usually I drive, let her loosen up with a couple of drinks, and then agree its best we go back to mine so we can both drink.

Childsplay

TazeThemAll · 2020-09-03T00:14:16+00:00

First date Netflix and chill is based. Everything else is hardcore simping.

MasterTeacher123 · 2020-09-03T10:26:02+00:00

First dates should be cheap as hell

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-09-02T18:15:47+00:00

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crookedsummer2019 · 2020-09-02T22:36:17+00:00

I 100% agree. As a female, an expensive dinner for a first date feels awkward and put on. The atmosphere of fancy restaurants also contributes.

When was I single and dating, I much more enjoyed dates that were low key and showed me who he was, and I found that those guys were much more relaxed. I especially liked if they took me to a favourite cafe of bar of theirs or a low key activity that they enjoyed. Seeing a guy in his element like that is nice. The date should be fun for him too, I feel like a lot of guys forget that.

thetruthishere_ · 2020-09-03T00:49:22+00:00

I would only do some sort of more 'expensive' or extensive date with a man I know already a bit as we've met in real life.

And really A $100 dinner whipty do, I can cook better than that. I dont find it impressive, more wasteful.

Id rather go bowling and have bar food at the alley. LOL

If it were a first meet I want low key like a coffee so we are not stuck in some dinner for hours or something extensive. I dont want either of us to feel stuck. Meet first then see if we want to go further.

hsdropin · 2020-09-02T21:04:21+00:00

Women deserve less nowadays anyway

Haywood_Jablomie42 · 2020-09-02T20:26:26+00:00

I do low effort first dates because no woman is worth effort. I'm too old to waste energy and money on a high maintenance bitch.

Edit - Obligatory "Crying and mashing the downvote button without being able to make a counter argument is your admission that I'm right".

DangZagnut · 2020-09-02T18:32:22+00:00

For men, absolutely. For women, meh, they generally aren't looking for anything cheap. They consider it a red flag and not based at all.

They'll all claim they love a walk in the park and all that, but unless you're dripping with Chadwick pheromones, give that one up.

In college or high school, sure, minimal cost and effort can get by.

_swallowedtheredpill · 2020-09-02T22:00:58+00:00

No woman is going to be interested in someone who plans an elaborate first date. It would go against their nature.

madchendesu · 2020-09-03T01:38:58+00:00

Find a nice ice cream spot and relax. That’s my type of first date. (I’m a girl who loves ice cream)

ArchaeoAg · 2020-09-03T13:53:01+00:00

Never thought I’d agree with anyone who says based but yeah. My husband and I’s first ‘date’ was walking around our college campus late at night and jumping in all the fountains. Spent $0.00 but it was super fun and obviously I stuck around.

2020-09-03T15:52:26+00:00

Agreed. This should be the norm.

DoneDrinkingPoison · 2020-09-03T03:05:38+00:00

Agreed. $50 is a top budget for a first date. 90% of them are wastes of time anyway and, despite all of this equality, women never pay.

And, that’s only if we’ve hit it off on a phone call or two. If not then a quick drink and 30 minutes tops is all I plan for.

Title	Low effort first dates are based
Author	locomotivity
Upvotes	171
Comments	344
Date	September 2, 2020 6:00 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ilbvp2/low_effort_first_dates_are_based/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/low-effort-first-dates-are-based.217091 https://theredarchive.com/post/217091

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