In the old days (disclaimer: this post reflects customs in Western societies) the tools of women's oppression were things like "you can't get a credit card or your own bank account" or "there's no such thing as rape in marriage." Today it's "let's not put a label on things" and "we're just talking,"

We've come a long way in terms of material progress in independence and security, but the emotional entrapment is actually more secure than ever. In a dating culture that gaslights us into thinking rules and standards are "uptight," "demanding," and "controlling," we live on the same precipice of fear that our foremothers did--we have no more fundamental sense of security in our relationships than they did.

But our increased ability to achieve material gains (not discounting this is uneven across racial demographics) creates an atmosphere of "what are you complaining about? your grandmother would have killed for the life you have!" She would have, you're right. But I'll bet you dollars to donuts that my emotional misery inside a relationship is identical to hers because the fundamental dynamics haven't changed.

Men have found a new way to make us feel always insecure, always wondering if we're good enough, always afraid he'll cheat/leave. The expectations of women are always climbing higher--beautiful! climbing the career ladder! pinterest mom! always up for sex! While the men are always carefully managing our expectations of them downward, and normalizing the lack of relationship labels, boundaries, and customs.

This is true across the entire relationship length spectrum, from talking online all the way to marriage, and it's a way of denying us dignity. We no longer get to say "we're dating" because that's uncool and threatens him. We no longer get to withhold cohabiting, much less sex, until marriage, because that's so uptight. We no longer get to shame porn use, because sEx pOsItIvItY and "every man does it." We no longer get to assume monogamy as a baseline reality of being in a relationship because "poly is cool." We no longer get to expect a man pays for a date, or brings us flowers, or any modicum of effort because "50/50." We have been deprived by society of every traditional means of expecting men put in effort and adhere to some kind of moral code of respect and care for women.

It's way subtler than the abuse our mothers and grandmothers took, but it's still hellishly damaging. It breaks down our confidence and well-being in exactly the same way their poor treatment did to them. Ten bucks says by the time millennial men hit 80, they will have normalized dumping their wives in nursing homes the moment they need anything (like as small as a cane or a grab bar in the shower) and dating other women even though they're still married, because "she can't function as a wife anymore."

My feeling is that if this backlash of eliminating all dating/marriage customs and labels because it relieves men of emotional and material responsibility continues, we will eventually be forced to be available to men for sex and physical and emotional labor like candy in a vending machine. OLD is perilously close to this as it is--pick a girl from the catalog and order her up! One day shipping just like Amazon!

Fight back, ladies. Stay solo rather than take this sh*t.