Q4Men: an average or below average looking woman matched with you on tinder. She messages you that she is trying to escape an abusive boyfriend and wants to crash with you in exchange for sex. What do you do?

Superannuated_punk · 2025-07-06T21:27:33+00:00

Refer her to the domestic violence support services in my area. They are equipped to deal with her situation. I am not.

meisterkraus · 2025-07-06T21:22:42+00:00

RayAP19 · 2025-07-06T21:25:10+00:00

Absolutely not. There are way better things she could do than ask randos for room and board in exchange for her kitty, and there's no way I'm putting myself in a position to have to deal with her psycho bf

IgorXY · 2025-07-06T21:22:25+00:00

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ComfortableJeans · 2025-07-06T21:29:58+00:00

Regardless of her level of attractiveness, I would not be interested in any form of sexual relationship with someone who seems to be under some form of pressure to do so for their own safety.

Personally, I'd be worried about my own safety and as to whether I could even trust a person I'd met on Tinder to come live with me, the same day, due to the myriad of ways this not only could, but would, go catastrophically wrong for me.

AMC2Zero · 2025-07-06T21:33:49+00:00

That should be a question for the police department, not dating apps.

There's ways of escaping bad situations without potentially putting an unprepared 3rd party at risk.

yourfavoriteblackguy · 2025-07-06T21:51:21+00:00

Never...I don't exchange safety for sex. If she wanted to stay with me. That's fine. Otherwise NO! Also chances this is a scam and her boyfriend is going to stop by and rob me.

py234567 · 2025-07-07T01:04:07+00:00

We are not normalizing that shit as a society shut that down. Nobody should have to enter another relationship to free abuse. I’ll help her find whatever resources are in the area

kopdjernigan · 2025-07-06T21:32:30+00:00

No and those type of men are the type of men that have little play and social experience in the first place. I’m sure there are men who would do this, I’ve seeen Craigslist ads for cheap rooming situations but has to be a woman of a certain age. Those type of men are weirdos and not desirable(yes even average men can be) either ways.

ZaneBradleyX · 2025-07-06T21:41:22+00:00

Tell her to call the police and stay with family, friends, or a shelter. Then wish her good luck and block. Not my problem to solve..

Gravel_Roads · 2025-07-06T21:34:50+00:00

I would refer her to a shelter

growframe · 2025-07-06T21:29:07+00:00

I'd direct her to the domestic abuse hotline and move onto my next match

catdog8020 · 2025-07-06T21:58:37+00:00

I wouldn’t believe her and think I am being set up like tom cruise in risky business. Ain’t no woman gonna do that nowadays, maybe if it was in the 1960s. Women don’t need to

WebNew9978 · 2025-07-06T23:05:57+00:00

No.

1: I’d be taking advantage of someone during a vulnerable time in their life.

2: While they need a safe place, they also need a lot of other things besides safety that I can’t provide. I don’t have the tools to do that. Places like police departments, shelters, shoot even fire departments (temporarily) can provide the safety she needs.

3: Although we’ve matched on Tinder, I still really don’t know her. And I would be getting into a business of a stranger. Business that I shouldn’t be in the first place.

4: I also have to think about my safety as well. If her current BF is crazy, having that woman in my house puts my safety in jeopardy as well.

5: There’s also the idea that this could all be a scam. There are a ton OF models in these sites to try and get you to buy their page.

Logos1789 · 2025-07-06T21:26:52+00:00

Ignore her

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qwertyuduyu321 · 2025-07-06T21:31:36+00:00

Q4Men: an average or below average looking woman matched with you on tinder. She messages you that she is trying to escape an abusive boyfriend and wants to crash with you in exchange for sex. What do you do?

I'd politely tell her to call the cops unless he man/bf was about to kill or (seriously) hurt her. Then I would maybe offer my apartment as one night of shelter.

In short, it depends on the circumstances. Her being hot or not so hot is completely irrelevant, though.

Neglius · 2025-07-06T21:31:42+00:00

I'll provide my obligatory answer of an additional, no, just so we've covered all pilled and social class bases. No, for multiple reasons.

wtknight · 2025-07-06T23:04:24+00:00

Even if I were not already married, I'm not interested in sex with strangers, and I don't think that I'd trust someone whom I barely knew to be my roommate.

r2k398 · 2025-07-07T01:37:56+00:00

Hell no. I'd give her the number of a battered women's shelter.

-Kalos · 2025-07-07T01:45:42+00:00

Not me. But I also don't think abused women should escape through being a hobosexual on Tinder. You aren't going to get matches who actually care about your wellbeing or want to make your life better, you're going to get weirdos who want to control you sexually in exchange for shelter. Basically prostitution except you're getting a much shittier deal and living with the person who thinks they own you. Whoever said that gave shitty advice and nobody should do this

Redditcritic6666 · 2025-07-07T01:46:26+00:00

tell her to seek women's shelters, reach out to resources in her community, or call 911 for help. Society has multiple and strong support for women who's abused by her male spouse. The same can't be said for men when it's abused by their female spouse.

SherbertDense1415 · 2025-07-07T03:15:19+00:00

Then the crazy boyfriend shows up and attacks and tries to kill you. Happened to a friend of mine. Smashed through his glass back screen door, luckily friend has some martial skills and managed to choke him out (because the guy was high on top of it all)

Clutterboxx · 2025-07-07T04:31:57+00:00

Direct her to a homeless shelter what the fuck? I'd either assume this was a scam or the boyfriend would rob me in my sleep.

outrageousVoid07 · 2025-07-07T05:18:35+00:00

No

People aren't a homogenous group. Don't think what idiots say online as the overall agreed upon answer

abaxeron · 2025-07-07T06:25:39+00:00

What do you do?

Block and ignore, it's a scam bot.

Multiple men told me that going on tinder to find a new man to live with is a realistic solution for women experiencing abuse

I am not digging into your whole history, but the last person you were discussing it with told you that abundance provided by Tinder allows women sufficient variety of high-quality potential partners to get into non-abusive relationship in the first place; not to escape one. I know, semantics.

Colt_Master · 2025-07-07T06:40:02+00:00

My gut reaction would be mistrust. I wouldn't take the offer because I don't want to be robbed nor have my organs harvested nor anything like that.

midnight_blue77 · 2025-07-07T06:45:06+00:00

I would turn my phone off and read a book.

"how many men would be good Samaritans for a random woman."

Only the stupid ones who think with their penis and cannot fathom for one second that it might be a scam, a prank, or the FBI trying to catch a perv or sex trafficker.

Podlubnyi · 2025-07-07T06:54:05+00:00

I'd never let a random woman I met online into my house. For a start, why not just go to a DV shelter? Moreover, she could refuse to leave, accuse you of abuse and get you arrested, let her pals in to rob you, or her psycho husband might show up and beat the crap out of you. No sex is worth that.

Environmental_Day558 · 2025-07-06T21:33:03+00:00

Idc how much I'm incelling or how she looks, no way I'd let a random woman live with me for any reason. My first instinct is that this is a setup and she's working with some guys to backdoor me (this happens). I'd just Google nearby women shelters and send her a number to call then unmatch.

On another note I did read this post on reddit where this guy admitted to letting a homeless woman stay with him for sex so I guess there'd be guys that would do it.

petellapain · 2025-07-06T21:35:18+00:00

Not a good Samaritan if I'm just exchanging shelter for sex. That said, sure. Free average snatch. Cut her loose the moment she brings any problems with her

TubularBrainRevolt · 2025-07-06T21:35:42+00:00

I would find it suspect and ignore her. Then I am not that trusting of dating apps anyway.

Certain_Process_7657 · 2025-07-06T21:38:59+00:00

Definitely not, especially if she's pitching this proposal even before meeting in person. Red flag city.

the_1st_inductionist · 2025-07-06T21:41:02+00:00

Multiple men told me that going on tinder to find a new man to live with is a realistic solution for women experiencing abuse.

If you broaden that to all dating apps, then maybe a woman could make it work if she didn’t have any other options. But it would involve more like finding a guy good enough to date rather than looking for an altruist or a sleezeball (someone who would accept sex as payment in that situation).

DarkNo7318 · 2025-07-06T23:01:29+00:00

This is literally just prostitution without money changing hands

shadowrangerfs · 2025-07-06T23:08:29+00:00

I'd think it was a scam. Does this woman have no family or friends or coworkers that she can go to? Why does she need to ask a stranger on a dating app for help? Under no circumstances would I tell this women where I live or agree to meet her. I'd tell her to call the police and keep calling until they do something.

Whatever person told you that a dating app is a way to escape an abusive relationship is an idiot.

DelDivision · 2025-07-06T23:10:08+00:00

You can if you want to, you better know how to put someone to sleep permanently, else you'll be in the ground and she'll go back sleeping with him like nothing happen.

Don't let these feminist fool you into sacrificing your life for nothing

Steakman1 · 2025-07-06T23:14:06+00:00

The multiple men who supposedly told you this are lacking brain cells. Sure there’s a possibility you could quickly find some chump that would take you in. But it’s also possible you will just find another abusive person. I suppose theoretically you could go on Tinder, hide your current relationship, and secretly try to build something new with another guy, and then leave your current relationship. But that’s something that would take time and very calculated moves.

Even when I was red pilled, I never heard a talking point like this before. So if these guys did actually say something like that to you, then their opinion is in the minority.

Zabadoodude · 2025-07-06T23:15:50+00:00

I dont understand why she would have to resort to prostitution. She could just go to one of the numerous women's shelters that are specifically designed for giving women escaping domestic abuse a place to stay.

If she really wanted to stay with some man she was having sex with, she could easily find a guy willing to let her spend the night after they hooked up. She doesn't have to bring up her abusive ex. I have certainly had women spend the night at my place before.

Albedo200 · 2025-07-06T23:17:09+00:00

I would try to help her instead by contacting domestic abuse support or the cops on her behalf or would support her if she wants to do that herself but i wouldnt want to have sex with someone who has a bf, especially if they are unhinged.

Expensive-Care1746 · 2025-07-06T23:18:04+00:00

Yes lmfao wtf. You said find a man, that is certainly possible - is he old af ? Probably, unattractive to you? Probably but you will find some guy willing to take that deal.

Would I personally do it in exchange for sex? Only if she gets a new phone and blocks her ex. The. It’s cheek clapping time.

SerpentStercus · 2025-07-06T23:22:01+00:00

That is totally absurd. There are trained professionals and resources for women in that situation; that Tinder solution is the definition of taking advantage of a bad situation.

MetalHead794 · 2025-07-06T23:32:52+00:00

Say no and tell her to contact the women shelter. It’s not my job to help her and she is better off with professional anyway

Werkgxj · 2025-07-06T23:33:04+00:00

I would never agree to such an arrangement.

I will not use someone elses emergency to have sex. Just thinking about that makes me sick.
I am no lawyer. But I am quite sure such an arrangement could get me in trouble with the law.
I am generally distrusting when it comes to letting strangers enter my home.

An arrangement I could live with:

no sex
I have known the person for more than just a few days.

OddRemove2000 · 2025-07-06T23:39:02+00:00

Yes. In fact I already have. But I did know her. I didn't even demand sex as payment. She rejected my offer cuz I lived in a different city and she wanted to stay near her abusive BF who she eventually got back together with. She still occasionally gets abused today even.

People do weird things for ... Love?

Livid-Log7463 · 2025-07-07T00:22:37+00:00

All she’d need to do to escape abuse in the first place is break up with him, then after that she could find a guy to stay with if she wanted after without even needing an app, but she obviously has to leave first.

Not only this but she would likely still find a man willing to do this.

SteveSan82 · 2025-07-07T00:50:22+00:00

I’d block her

Kreeps_United · 2025-07-07T00:54:04+00:00

Where did men tell you this?

flexible-photon · 2025-07-07T00:55:32+00:00

Nope. I've turned down offers of random sex with strangers plenty of times. I generally don't trust women that give it up easily if they are strangers. No way am I getting involved in her domestic drama.

Ultramega39 · 2025-07-07T01:22:15+00:00

Tell her that I don't want sex and ask her to contact the police.

I don't have sex with people who I am not in a long term committed relationship with. Plus allowing someone that I don't know to stay at my house probably isn't a good idea. If I was friends with her then sure I would let her stay over at my house.

El_Hombre_Fiero · 2025-07-07T01:53:03+00:00

I go on Tinder to find women to date. I'm not a charity. I'm not opposed to a transactional relationship. However, it should never be with someone who is doing it out of desperation.

Offering your place in exchange for sex is an easy way to lose your domicile when she reports you to the police for "abuse".

NockerJoe · 2025-07-07T02:02:17+00:00

Generally speaking these kinds of people don't lay their cards on the table. They go on one or two dates and say they have an ex they're trying to escape and then they see if they can make it work. Nobody is putting it all out there like a contract.

Alone_Ambition_3729 · 2025-07-07T02:35:52+00:00

Would be very sussed out and assume she and her (not ex) boyfriend were teaming up to rob me or worse.

We all pay a ton of taxes to have good police and well funded shelters and stuff. She needs to use them.

BigMadLad · 2025-07-07T04:57:32+00:00

There’s a difference between matching with me on a dating app and running up to my door banging on asking for help. The second seems to be genuinely a distressing scenario where she needs an immediate help, and then that I would tell her she can come inside and we can call the police. Matching on a dating app just seems like it’s not that pressing, as well as the wrong order of operations. She should call a domestic shelter or her friends or family,not a stranger on a dating app. It’s also stupid because if the guy catches her on the dating app it’ll only make it worse.

So in concept, I would help, but the actual method in which she sought help would imply she doesn’t need that much help and I would immediately distrust it as a potential scam.

Prismatic_Symphony · 2025-07-07T09:20:38+00:00

You've commented about men advising this, but what men, where, are advising women to do this? That sounds far-fetched. And it's well-known that there are plenty of women's shelters and the like, and the police, which is easier than finding a stranger and offering him sex.

Were it me, I'd be tempted for a moment, sure, but I'd tell her to call the police and/or go to a shelter. I wouldn't trust the free sex, or worry about retaliation from the abusive guy, since she might choose to go back to him. People are crazy, you know?

I actually have housed a pair of women I didn't know once before, but there was no sex agreement. They payed me a reduced rent rate.

No-Rough-7390 · 2025-07-07T10:09:42+00:00

Blocked.

Friedrich_Friedson · 2025-07-07T12:16:14+00:00

id ask her info to call the domestic abuse services and the police.

Fickle_Friendship296 · 2025-07-07T12:39:38+00:00

Sounds like a good way to get shot for no reason.

SeemedGood · 2025-07-07T14:37:26+00:00

In rural and in poorer communities this happens all the time, just not with randoms through Tinder. It’s usually with a very casual acquaintance (sometimes where the acquaintance has been made specifically for that purpose), almost always with men with few to no other options than to white-knight, and typically ends with those men getting their hearts crushed when the women move on to another guy to whom they are actually attracted. Rinse and repeat.

MistaCreepz · 2025-07-07T19:11:13+00:00

Not my problem. I'd figure it was a scam, and even if it wasn't I don't want some psycho showing up at my house looking for her.

Chicken-samosa · 2025-07-08T06:34:32+00:00

You talk of multiple men telling you that going on tinder to find a new man to live with is a realistic solution for women experiencing abuse.

Why not ask those "multiple men"?

And no to your answer because it's a common known scam in my country.

And why make things so complicated by involving tinder? Just leave the man. Unless he has locked her up (in which case he won't be giving her a communication device) or she is financially dependent on him (get a job woman).

James_M_Croft · 2025-07-09T18:13:44+00:00

I would unmatch, it smells a lot like a very obvious scam or someone going after my kidneys. but even if it is true, I am not getting involved into another person's drama, I am in tinder for casual flings, not drama. I have my hands full with my own issues.

Multiple men told me that going on tinder to find a new man to live with is a realistic solution for women experiencing abuse.

Have you actually or have you heard from random man hating group of women retelling something they found on the internet? that doesn't sound like men at all. At best it sound like someone trolling them on the internet.

It is more common for women to build entire relationships with random guys and rely on them for everything, including living space. which is the normal heterosexual relationship. But meeting a rando who will exchange sex for a place to sleep? thats abnormal as fuck.

Comfortable-Dare-307 · 2025-07-16T20:18:06+00:00

I have heard women say men and boys going through domestic violence is funny or they deserve it. Even if they were a 11/10 I would say no. There are no domestic violence shelters for men or boys over 12. Would you do the same if a man and his son were trying to escspe an abusive woman?

goofypp · 2025-07-31T12:11:28+00:00

Nice strawman, and you keep questioning men who say no go to a shelter about this apparent solution you’ve “heard”

Hard_Corsair · 2025-07-06T21:33:24+00:00

Assuming we rewind the clock back to when I was young, dumb, single, and had my own place? Yeah, I'd go with it. No, I wouldn't want sex as a formal exchange, but would do dinner and drinks and we could see how it goes.

As someone older and wiser, I would probably decline to house any strangers due to concerns of possibly getting robbed. I would instead point her towards other resources.

throwaway73737828 · 2025-07-06T21:48:02+00:00

Yeah many women do this, you can change your life that easy by swiping right and meeting with the person. Women exchange sex for it and then they live a brand new lifestyle just like that.

In womens dating life its normal, most of them have that main guy in their head. Then when shit is not going right they go on dating apps and use the guy who she swiped on tinder as a side dude.

For me personally if I knew the context I wouldnt do it but lets be realistic no women tells the context so I would probably do it (if she is 5 outta 10, if she is below 5 I wont)

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