Q4W: Have you ever lied or concealed parts of your sexual past in order to have a man like you more, or make him feel special? If so, why? Did it work out?

yamb97 · 2022-08-02T10:39:05+00:00

I never lie but definitely always avoid any discussion about size, it’s touchy subject for men

ProseccoIsLife · 2022-08-02T12:53:49+00:00

Never. I am very open on the dating stage with the fact that I have been with other people and that I'm a kinky person. I have pretty graphic items in my bedroom and lots of toys which I'm not shy to propose to look at/use with the other person (all kept clean and sterilised). I don't have many past sexual partners, but I've done some unconventional things and if my partner would be prudish about it, I wouldn't want such a person in my life - it's completely okay tho, if it's just not their cup of tea, I'm completely happy with vanilla sex life too.

Lysa_Bell · 2022-08-02T07:50:39+00:00

I never lied. My first bf knew I was a virgin. My current bf knows my experiences. He knows my n-count. He knows what I did before. It was important for us to know each others past so we can top it and make it 100x better. I never had to lie about my sexual history with any of my partners.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-08-02T07:39:24+00:00

I've never lied. I did learn to shut up about my limited (or I guess nonexistent then) experience before a certain point though.

Miserablemermaid · 2022-08-02T08:14:08+00:00

I have no reason to lie. Their reaction to my past tells me if we’re actually compatible or not.

Stop_Maximum · 2022-08-02T07:41:00+00:00

I didn’t lie but I’ve also try to keep quiet. Some people will want to be your first or give you a good time. They’re straight talk I found

Cobra_x30 · 2022-08-02T10:17:33+00:00

I avoid disclosing that I'm a virgin early on. It works out by allowing me to select for men who don't see their partner's virginity as something they're entitled to.

delight-n-angers · 2022-08-02T19:52:53+00:00

Your premise is a little shaky don't you think? why would women who lie admit to lying?

To answer your question though, no I've never seen a need to either embellish or hide my sexual past. i don't bring it up, but if a partner (guy or girl) asks, i tell the truth. I vastly prefer my relationships operate on radical honesty.

no, i've never been broken up with over my sexual past but most of the people i have/had sex with are friends first so they already exist in a social bubble that shares my values.

ReferenceImpossible2 · 2022-08-02T15:53:35+00:00

Seeing a lot of women posts similar to “Well I’ve learned to hide the fact that I’m actually a virgin.”

Just in case anybody needed further confirmation that the women on this sub are a TERRIBLY inaccurate sample set of the entire female population.

EulenWatcher · 2022-08-02T07:38:16+00:00

...I have n-count of 1 and he's my husband. I have no idea what I could hide from him in this regard even if I really wanted to.

I think there's a subset of people who intentionally hide certain parts of their past, so they wouldn't lose their current partner. I don't think there are a lot of them though, as generally people tend to date partners who have similar experience. Low-n count people prefer low n-count partners and vice versa.

Lying about his skills is probably more common and it seems quite a lot of women have issues with communicating what they like in bed. I think it's getting better with time though, as the ideas of open communication and women getting "theirs" are getting more common.

Diddy_1978 · 2022-08-02T08:41:24+00:00

I am not going to tell someone ‘by the way, I have had sex with n guys before you’. I’d be annoyed if asked but I’d answer honestly. Then, if that’s the hill they wanna die… I don’t pretend I am inexperienced or shy.

DXBrigade · 2022-08-02T13:32:54+00:00

I was a late virgin, I lied about being more experienced than I actually am.

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2022-08-02T15:16:32+00:00

I've never lied or concealed anything. Telling the dude I was a virgin made him uncomfortable but I appreciate he was still willing to try eventually.

My partner knows about my limited but kinky sexual history. I think he may have a nagging fear I just don't know any better. But I'm happy.

10cennt · 2022-08-02T15:42:58+00:00

Nope. If he can’t accept your past, there are many other things he will critique you in the future. It’s better to come clean 🧽

ug476 · 2022-08-02T17:32:14+00:00

With all due respect this kind of topic is stupid The only women who will answer are: - women who have never lied - women who have body counts

You should have asked : “ Did you know a friend who lied about her sexual past “

No accountability to take, you will get better answers.

Bekiala · 2022-08-02T13:08:05+00:00

I don't know if this counts but I have lied about being married. I have worn a wedding ring since I was about 27. I have never married.

2022-08-02T14:49:22+00:00

In all honesty, I have yet to meet someone who is worth the effort. Lying is so much admin

Katatonicsnake · 2022-08-02T11:52:03+00:00

Most women don’t really feel obligated to offer a full report on what they did with their previous partners. Mostly because they don’t want to do those same things anymore, and it has nothing to do with their current partner. For example, they tried anal and didn’t like it, so there’s no reason to talk about it.

When I was a virgin, I didn’t tell the man I was going to have sex with. Our mutual acquaintance told him later, which really pissed me off.

WaffleBurner96 · 2022-08-02T11:11:56+00:00

I used to sugar date. At first, to make myself more marketable, i would lie about my n count to clients. Eventually I realized that the men who cared the most were not men I wanted to spend time with, and that if a real relationship ever came about from the sugar dating, it would be best to be honest from the start. So I stopped lying about it. I told my husband everything and he is fine with it all. He feels special because he knows he is the best out of many.

mcove97 · 2022-08-02T11:23:52+00:00

I want people to like me for me not some idealized fake version of me. Ain't got no time for fakeness or fake ass relationships. I've been super real with the man I've been dating later and I think it's part of why he really liked me. I don't sugar coat shit and I'm fully open about my past sexual relationships. If anything, my openness, bluntness and transparent honesty should make him feel special because it means I actually respect him so much that I won't lie or hide or omit anything.

AstronautLoveShack · 2022-08-02T13:51:32+00:00

I’ve never needed to lie about my past, though obviously every serious long term partner I was with had the greatest dick on earth for the period of time we were together.

CatchPhraze · 2022-08-02T15:11:13+00:00

If a guy isnt into me unless I lie, why would i want him?

lady_ven0m · 2022-08-02T13:44:27+00:00

Nope never, but I haven’t really been outright asked often, maybe once or twice.

Why would I lie to make someone feel special? That’s like faking an orgasm and I don’t do that either. I’m not in the business of stroking anyone’s ego, and I only give out genuine compliments or none at all.

Boring-Repeat4530 · 2022-08-02T15:41:19+00:00

Are guys really asking? Like just straight out "what's your count?" That's crazy to me. I've never been asked but if I was I wouldn't lie. I also wouldn't answer

eveleaf · 2022-08-02T23:26:58+00:00

No, it doesn't make sense to lie. I want a partner who likes the person I actually am, and telling the truth is the only way to achieve that. Who wants to live in the hell where your partner likes a made-up person instead? That would seriously mess with your head.

Laytheblameonluck · 2022-08-02T10:37:17+00:00

When my N was low I deliberately his it from men - because I really dislike men who are into low N women.

Now it's at a medium range I'll tell them if they ask but I'll also be really suspicious if they ask and see it as a red flag.

I have exchanged funny sex stories with all my partner's and it's all in good fun.

Cupcakelover1985 · 2022-08-02T11:42:35+00:00

I’ve never needed to but I advocate for other women to depending on what it is. Men lie to women all the time and they’ll fake entire personalities if it gets them what they want. So the way I see it. No harm no foul.

I always tell women no matter what happened in your past relationships every guy treated you amazing and spoiled you rotten. Men fall to the expectations of the worst man you dated so unless he’s proven to be empathetic and can understand personal growth and development then you tell him every man you’ve dated was great and treated you excellently.

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Willow-girl · 2022-08-02T10:17:27+00:00

No.

Both my current and previous partner knew me online for a long while before we actually got together IRL, so they knew exactly what they were getting into.

Brave fuckers, aren't they?!

2022-08-02T09:10:16+00:00

Yes I don’t told a guy I was a virgin at 25 bc I was ashamed and didn’t want to come of as a prude

throwaway264757 · 2022-08-02T11:37:56+00:00

I have lied to various people by leading them to believe all my past partners were more Chad than they really were.

But I sort of see this lie through the lens of a mentally ill incel. They must of been Chad in some way for getting chosen at all. Right? 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

I definitely do this out of shame. Because I don't want to admit I 'overlook' a lot of features people shouldn't. I purposefully targeted those features actually. In order to sleep with someone vulnerable. I'll still tell people sex experiences but I'll leave out parts where he's cripplingly shy or ugly.

Once I accepted I was a r@pist (I sometimes say sadist for the delicate people) I got over this a little. But I had to identify the fact that what turned me on the most was when a person didn't really like or enjoy what I did to them.

Mentally ill incels (part of why I love them) will prop up my pov further too. By saying he must be especially lucky for getting chosen despite his 'short comings'. Even though he was purposefully targeted for them in the first place.

And that's how I lie.

When I admit to some of the stuff I've done more honestly I definitely have had men freak out and say stuff like "wHaT iF a MaN dID tHiS TyPe oF sTuFf tO a WoMaN?!?!" Which happened not too long ago in a thread where I talked about how many virginities I've taken. I just see those types of men as too fragile & delicate to stomach the very same things I target. When I replied that he'd have to put up with someone ugly to do it there was no reply in return.

TermAggravating8043 · 2022-08-02T07:56:35+00:00

No, it’s also not up to me to make him feel special at the dating stage, if I’ve got more experience than him (highly unlikely since I’m not like that) I could understand him feeling intimidated

But I don’t understand this concept of “firsts” Everyone goes through the same stages roughly at the same age say 15-20 some people are slower than others some are not. But if a guy was expecting me to delete my firsts so he can replace them or pretend they didn’t happen or worse yet, Shame me for having them because he failed when he was growing up I would probably climb out the bathroom window at the restaurant (after paying my half cause I’m not giving him a reason to chase me)

I’m a human being, not a second hand product

Previous-Tangerine87 · 2022-08-02T12:17:18+00:00

All the time because most men can’t handle the truth (downvote me all you want idgaf)

Dolphin_Moon · 2022-08-02T13:06:52+00:00

I have 0 reason to lie cause men who mention body count immediately means they have an agenda

NationalistGoy · 2022-08-02T17:12:13+00:00

Do women regularly embellish their perceived sexual past

Yes, they do.

in order to please the men they like?

They don't do it to please men, they do it because they know a promiscuous past has negative repercutions, it makes women less desireable for a long term relationship, at least for most men it does, that's why they hide it. If it didn't have negative repercutions, they would not need to hide it.

An NYC Surgeon divorced his beauty queen wife after finding out she was an escort.

There is overlooked aspect of promiscuity. A woman that is known for being promiscuous takes away status from a man. Do you really think a spine surgeon, or a man in other respectable fields want to marry promiscuous women? Hell no. You want a high value man, you have to be a high value woman.

Otfd · 2022-08-02T15:04:59+00:00

I have kinda lied. I try not to lie and instead just withhold the truth a bit.

Typically, because it's when I get a feeling it's bothering her. My count is 18, which I guess is a lot. Also, I do it sometimes because I don't want to be considered just sex (unless I do)

I wouldn't lie during a FWB situation, more for dating.

However, my current girlfriend knows my past as I wanted to try being honest (not that I feel it caused a huge problem in the past) I just wanted to because I am getting older and want to last so I figured say it now over later.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2022-08-02T15:10:40+00:00

Who are these people asking? It’s creepy

I have never sat down a partner and said let me tell you stories of every dick I have seen.

Stuff has come up when we talk about likes dislikes have you ever tried etc.

I don’t hide who I am, if you don’t like me you are not the one for me

Marzipan-Happy · 2022-08-02T15:17:39+00:00

Noooope. My n. Count is really low, never lied to my husband about anything previous. There was a few instances of hilarity when he had to explain something to me.

2022-08-02T15:55:40+00:00

I don't go around yelling about it, but I tell when asked if it's relevant. Honestly, I've only had 2 people ever care and one was a guy I wasn't seriously dating (though he wanted to; it was an age gap thing and I realistically knew it'd never work out) and another was my first college boyfriend. He was fine with it for a while, then slowly got more insecure because he was gaining weight and I was working out, and he started getting retroactive jealously. Eventually I transferred way across the country so it didn't even matter after that.

No other guys who I've been with care. If they did, they're very good at hiding it. Without exaggeration, the only men that seem to care are religious men, traditional men, guys online, and men who have low n-counts/virgins. That's not me trying to wield any of those terms an insult. Those are the only groups I've encountered that care. And honestly the virgins don't care if it's just a lay.

I'd never date any of those groups, personally, so I've never cared nor will care. I don't tend to like men from those demographics. Our values don't align. Any "normal" guy who cares isn't my kind of "normal" and we can go our separate ways.

sarkington · 2022-08-02T16:08:54+00:00

Sure. I pretended I knew more than I did, to avoid exploitation

MovingLikeBroccoli · 2022-08-02T16:24:09+00:00

I have lied to every partner about it yes

2022-08-02T16:28:08+00:00

Ghost_Boy24 · 2022-08-02T16:32:59+00:00

I don't lie, but I tried to avoid the topic if it's brought up, and I will stop seeing someone immediately if it's brought up outside of a relationship.

RocinanteCoffee · 2022-08-02T16:37:51+00:00

I am not proactively someone who kisses and tells but when he asks I tell him with all transparency while keeping out details (names/cities) as to protect the privacy of my previous partners. But it depends on the person who is asking and what they are asking.

He asked what were favorite things previous sexual partners had done with me and least favorite, so it came from a place of wanting to get to know my likes and dislikes based on my previous experience.

I have declined to answer questions now and again (who had the biggest dick) but have never been dishonest about my sexual past.

AreOut · 2022-08-02T16:48:27+00:00

Why would I lie?

Like with my current bf, we were friends prior to us dating. He has heard me talk about fucking other dudes before him. He knows. Why lie?

Vyrnoa · 2022-08-02T16:54:13+00:00

No, if you cant be honest and feel like they judge you then theyre probably not a good choice

Swaggy_Mcswagson · 2022-08-02T17:15:26+00:00

Not a women but I have a n-count of 1. Nothing serious just a Fwb for like 4 months. Personally I don’t want to know the n-counts or any details of a woman’s past because I know I’d be insecure and I assume it’s a high number and leave it at that. I see it as it happened before me therefore it does not concern me and I don’t need to know and that women naturally will have a much higher count than me in the vast majority of cases and I should get over it. It’s something better left unknown and in the past.

jotaros_honkers · 2022-08-02T19:23:21+00:00

Nope, I’m 100% honest I’m still a virgin tho so I don’t have much to hide 😭

neetykeeno · 2022-08-02T20:03:24+00:00

No

I don't discuss my sexual past (or deep insecurities or weird family stuff or mental health or debt or emotional hangups or...) In detail with strangers but I can honestly say every man I have had a relationship with knew what he needed to know about any of those things in time to break the deal comfortably without public humiliation or material loss if my experiences of any of those things were a deal breaker for a committed relationship.

Normal cautious adults are not open books. Normal cautious adults release info in a timely manner to people as intimacy increases. I strongly suspect most of the guys who are paranoid about having secrets kept from them are indulging in becoming infatuated with strangers at an abnormally fast rate. If you are thinking of her as your future wife and mother of your heirs after exchanging only a few thousand words of conversation with her, that's a you problem. Not only is she not obliged to give a detailed infodump on the first date, you clearly don't do that either... because if you were being honest about how fast you had moved on her emotionally she would run a mile.

Oh and yeah there's some secrets I keep a good long while because it is kind of foul not to. Waited two decades to tell guy 2 that guy 1 several years into the relationship confessed to me that once as a teen he had asked his mother to have sex with him then got sent to talk to his father.. I just thought it was unfair to put that one out there until guy 1's mother died. Guy 2 already knew plenty about guy 1.

throughmylense · 2022-08-02T21:24:07+00:00

I never lie but when I trust them & sex is about to happen or is happening I am open with men that most of my experience sexually has been with women

chingness · 2022-08-02T21:34:46+00:00

So I have never lied but it’s interesting to talk or omission. I mean does anyone want to sit down and discuss every single sexual act they’ve ever performed? Is it omission to not do that? I haven’t ever hidden anything from my partner. He has never asked (nor I him) about n count. The sex with him is the best and most adventurous I’ve ever done so there isn’t anything for him to worry about. I have been open about anything I think he specifically needs to know - for example my ex is in one of our friendship groups and my partner knows this. My ex has chosen to not tell his current partner that we have history which makes me uncomfortable but it’s his story to tell. I would not have felt comfortable doing that as I think it would be disrespectful to my partner for him to not know when everyone else in that group does.

GypsyRainCreate · 2022-08-02T23:40:29+00:00

I don’t lie. Personal policy. If I misspeak or make a mistake I want to know so I can fix it and apologize.

However, there are absolutely some questions that I flat out refuse to ever answer. Things like, what was the largest you’ve had. In my case it’s irrelevant. I’ve had reconstructive surgery and it’s a completely new permanent tightness. So, to ask if your the biggest or whatever. I won’t answer that. Ever. No. Matter. What.

Oh. And I never fake anything in bed. If I do and you walk away thinking you hit the spot, guess what spot your going to aim for next time. Yep. That’s right. The wrong one if I’ve faked it. So, fake it once and spend the rest your time with that partner trying to retrain him on where that spot really is. That, or joyless sex every time that has to be faked every time after. A very foolish thing for any woman who enjoys sex to do.

IcarusKiki · 2022-08-03T04:00:43+00:00

Most don't ask so no.

ohdiddly · 2022-08-03T07:39:14+00:00

Nope

2022-08-03T19:18:24+00:00

I don't lie, but I don't discuss it either. I don't feel the need to know a partners sexual history, and if it's super important to him we are not compatible. I think only one person has ever asked and surprise he was the super controlling type.

Ashamed_Track_3222 · 2022-08-30T15:10:36+00:00

Absolutely not, I believe if you're in a relationship your sexual past shouldn't be hidden or concealed. If a name is asked, you give the name no matter what. This is your current partner. You shouldn't be concealing things from your partner if you actually plan on being with them forever. The whole " it happened b4 you" doesn't matter when it's suppose to be your life partner. A name and quick explanation of what happened is enough. If you hide it or lie about it, somethings off.

Ashamed_Track_3222 · 2022-09-01T12:20:11+00:00

I'll spew anything about my past sexual history if asked. Names, year, short explanation idc, why? Bc they were my past; I have no reason to hide and protect them. So nothings ever happened of that. My s/o on the other hand keeps it hidden and I've never experienced anyone who hides who their past hook ups were. Has started a lot of fights because I just don't understand. I grew up with several brothers, my whole family was decently close for a long time. Not one of my brothers or family didn't tell their partners names and a quick wrap. My friends, they all have asked the same question to their partner. So I know asking for a name is not a non average question to ask when you plan on marrying them. In college they teach you to not hide they from your partner. My professor had 30+ people he got with, gave his wife every name and a quick wrap up so she would never think he was still attached to them/protecting them/still care for them. Better just to spill it out and move on.

_HEDONISM_BOT · 2022-08-02T14:41:33+00:00

Do women regularly embellish their perceived sexual past in order to please the men they like?

I absolutely lie. I tell them I've been married once, and leave it at that.

Why do I lie?

Because I don't want to tell men I've been with 400 guys. I don't want to tell men my sexual past or my "business". My STD results are clean, and it's none of their business, to be frank.

The men I date usually have a "don't ask/don't tell" attitude towards sexual past. I've gotten very good at filtering out men who have a chip on their shoulder about sexual partners. I typically ghost and block those guys. I typically date "don't ask/don't tell" men and when they do ask, it's typically to find out if I still have feelings for an ex. Usually I do, but lie about it, too.

I've been pretty good about keeping out "the wrong target audience", and if I run into one guy who has a chip on his shoulder about sexual partners, he's usually lying to me about a lot, and I dump him for "trying to investigate".

Besides.... my social media is clean, and I keep no evidence of prior sexual partners in my personal or professional life. I don't date coworkers, friends, or anyone from the community. All of my dates are from online dating apps, and I keep my professional/social life completely separated from my dating life.

malpaiss · 2022-08-02T14:45:44+00:00

Controversial, but I have only ever lied to my partner. He's never asked my n-count but whenever he's asked about my previous sexual experiences I tell him I was a virgin when we met, and ask 'is he trying to tell me there are other people besides him who have penises'?!?! He knows I'm joking, I'm nearly 30 with several LTRs behind me. I will never ask about his experiences, I don't want the answers in my head. He's more secure than me in that respect, but if he ever had an insecure moment I wouldn't want to have provided fuel for that fire. I only want him for the rest of my life. Anything that came before was nothing more than the journey which led me to him.

Ok-Zucchini-8056 · 2022-08-02T10:50:18+00:00

My wife lied about how many guys she’d been with before me, by A LOT. We have been married several years and she only started being honest about it over the last 6 months. And even then that honest has only come bit by bit. I’ve asked her the same question multiple times months apart and each time she forgot the previous lie and so she gave a higher and higher number of guys as she got more comfortable with the truth.

She admits she has no idea what is the actual number of guys that she has slept with, but it’s clear in the hundreds!

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