Why do women participate in the hook-up culture if they aren't getting the outcomes they want?

sniper1905 · 2022-09-06T17:33:25+00:00

Some women feel fine having casual sex, some are peer pressured into it, some use it as a coping mechanism, some use it for validation, some do it for the thrill. It all boils down to whatever that individual has going on, what issues they have, etc. This isn't exclusive to women either.

AstronautLoveShack · 2022-09-06T17:45:25+00:00

It makes that particular woman, your friend, feel used and undervalued and perhaps she should not have flings. Others of us know what we're getting into and temper our expectations and don't get overly traumatized because Tyler at the bar didn't want a long term relationship. We expect that from Tylers.

Bekiala · 2022-09-06T17:38:06+00:00

From what I can tell, many women do not participate in hook up culture because like your friend, they do feel used and undervalued. Men seem less likely to feel this way so there is an ongoing gender disparity in participants of casual sex. Men who want casual sex often seem to suffer from the shortage of women who are willing to participate.

vanishingly-orca · 2022-09-06T18:18:10+00:00

If someone is participating in hook up culture, they're getting the goal, the hookup.

If you're participating in hookup culture for a relationship, you're stupid. If you're participating in relationship culture and just hooking up, you're stupid.

They are completely different games.

This is why you separate people you casually fuck, from people you marry, as they are totally different goals.

CosmicBioHazard · 2022-09-06T17:42:05+00:00

Can’t say anything definitively as a guy but more than a few woman have told me they’d slept with a guy quickly in the hopes that good sex would bleed into a commitment. Often it doesn’t work because quick sex like that gets interpreted as casual and he just goes and bangs another girl after that, but since I am a man I can confidently say that the strategy isn’t necessarily stupid, because I can tell you about a scenario where it will work from the man’s perspective;

They’ll hook up. It’s casual, he thinks so too, and he might not even think she’s relationship material. He’ll go looking for his next hookup, but you and I both know casual sex isn’t easy to come by. He thinks “hey, I already know that one girl is attracted to me and had a good time. Maybe she’s up for a repeat?” One repeat turns into an FWB and she just, builds enough rapport with him stimulating his oxytocin receptors until he can’t bring himself to disagree when she introduces him as the boyfriend.

It’s a gamble but I’m assuming that the women who admit to trying this are in fact seeing the success stories in maybe their friend groups and wondering why it doesn’t work for them, hence feeling used.

Gigamon2014 · 2022-09-06T19:20:53+00:00

I’ve been in 2 relationships now where the woman had a plus 30n. Both times it was a nightmare dealing with their emotional baggage. If you’re not willing to work through that with them then definitely steer clear. Most women with a high n count in their young to mid twenties have done so out of trauma, neglect, and/or validation. That’s okay. But I would never do it again. A high n count at such an age completely warps their idea of men and what a relationship is.

2022-09-06T23:43:39+00:00

From what I understand (I don't do hookups myself), young women have sex early in relationships because they believe the lies that men tell them, and then they get dumped. Then, after a few years of this, they wise up and stop having sex so easily. At that point men start criticizing them for making them wait when their previous boyfriends didn't have to. Shitty cycle.

no_usernameeeeeee · 2022-09-06T17:33:05+00:00

Some women feel used by it, thinking men will value them (even platonically) if they have a sexual relationship.. then they realize many of them don’t and it’s not what they want

Some women are completely aware and OK with the dynamics and are satisfied by it

Some women don’t participate at all

Women aren’t a monolith

63daddy · 2022-09-06T18:01:55+00:00

People talk about a growing hook-up culture but study after study shows people are having less sex, but more.

https://amp.wbur.org/hereandnow/2022/03/31/sex-decline-americans

wtknight · 2022-09-06T18:33:56+00:00

It’s mostly validation for women that they are sexually attractive to higher value men, and our current culture tells women it’s feminist sexual freedom. Some women do get what that they want out of it, but others who have ulterior motives beyond validation (good orgasms, a FWB, a possible boyfriend, etc.) often have trouble satisfying those motives, which is why the practice is problematic and leads to women complaining about men.

medlabunicorn · 2022-09-06T21:21:28+00:00

A lot of women try it, and then quit. This is not rocket science.

tinasnow-poty · 2022-09-06T18:12:25+00:00

When she’s horny and lonely a hook up sounds like a good idea for some intimacy but when it’s over she probably realised that it didn’t fulfill her the way she hoped it would. It sounds like she isn’t well suited for casual sex. It can be hard to grapple with your sexuality and emotional needs, but she is probably best staying celibate until she finds someone she can feel emotionally validated with.

Other women only take positives from FWB relationships. To be honest I think a small amount of women are having most of the casual sex

AnUnstableNucleus · 2022-09-06T17:31:32+00:00

It creates a false idea that they're valued. Women are often raised and believe their only worth comes from their body, and as long as it's wanted by men, they'll feel some sense of value.

python834 · 2022-09-06T18:11:23+00:00

Women control the dating market, so if hookup culture is prevalent, its because women wanted it that way.

Women who are capable of casual sex are having casual sex. The average woman is talking to 5 men at once, and having sex with at least one of them on a regular basis.

bunnakay · 2022-09-06T17:30:51+00:00

One, why are you assuming all women are like your friend? Granted, I've never done FWB because sex is not important enough to keep someone around just for that.

Two, whether we participate or not, the reality is that men will still value us primarily for our bodies.

mlo9109 · 2022-09-06T17:39:35+00:00

It's not something that I do, but in observing my female friends, we think that somehow we'll change him and he'll come around if we're "good enough" and settle down with us. Hookup culture is how folks date today, so we think that if we do all the "right" stuff, we'll get that ring. See also the lyrics to "WAP" - "I don't cook, I don't clean, let me tell you how I got this ring."

ruboyuri · 2022-09-06T17:38:35+00:00

How will you know you won’t like it if you don’t try it?

2022-09-06T17:41:55+00:00

I guess most women don't actually participate in it, PPD women are a very special subset of women

Lift_and_Lurk · 2022-09-06T18:14:35+00:00

Sex feels good. Hookups are exciting feel good times.

Hefty-Wolverine3675 · 2022-09-06T18:17:37+00:00

Hook up culture mostly benefits men that women think are High Value. Some women have used hookup culture to skyrocket to the top like Mia Khalifa. Women like Mia start to experience problems finding a decent guy though

Serendipity187 · 2022-09-06T19:56:50+00:00

It’s not complicated. Sometimes you’re crazy horny and haven’t been laid in ages, and masturbating just isn’t doing the trick anymore, so you give it a go.

Then you remember that casual sex usually sucks and isn’t even fun, let alone fulfilling, so you swear not to do it again, and you don’t, for quite a long time, until you’re in your next dry spell and horny and think… ehhhhhh maybe this time it’ll be fun.

At least that’s how it went for me.

RealNiceLady · 2022-09-06T18:04:55+00:00

Women do casual because it's the culture we live in.

napthaleneneens · 2022-09-06T19:51:21+00:00

The problem is your friend doesn’t understand the rules of engagement in hook-up culture. She admits to using men for sex and enjoying their bodies but doesn’t like it when it’s done to her. If purity culture ceased to exist maybe she wouldn’t be crying but it’ll be awhile before we see the day. Until then women are going to have to brave a bit of animosity if they want to participate.

Antonija_Blagorodna · 2022-09-08T04:18:12+00:00

Why do women participate in the hook-up culture if they aren't getting the outcomes they want?

Because they are idiots.

FlyV89 · 2022-09-06T23:55:00+00:00

Because they don't have any options to feel human conection with a man in these days, and despite what they say in the internet, they still want to feel some kind of conection to a man.

The thing is, men don't want to feel like they are "losing" by offering commitment to a woman that, more often than not, has casual sex with other men.

If what men want is sex, then in a culture of casual sex the man that commits to a woman to get sex is the one that lost the game.

Women's reassoning is the reverse. They think they lose in casual sex, and win only in a relationship, and that is the reassoning behind why women don't do as much casual sex as men. They even say so here in the PPD.

What is the problem?

That women have casual sex now, and men noticed this.

So what do men do? They just seek casual sex. What do women do? Well, they just don't have any other option.

It doesn't make it any good that women have casual sex with only very good looking men, and I mean, it's logical to me actually, I understand them. If they are going to get only casual sex, then the best is to look for the more good looking man you could get.

But this adds ANOTHER problem.

The guys that don't get chosed for casual sex now think they are going to lose X2 if they get in a relationship.

What PPD doesn't get yet is that no one is to blame here, but casual sex, and the problems we are seeing in the dating game are problems caused not by individual actions but a new cultural scheme where colective decisions reshape the individual analysis of cost-benefit.

No one wants to feel like they lost. No one wants to risk it all for love.

To put it simply, NO MAN is going to give women the benefit of doubt if what everything he sees around is women slutting it up.

And then what are the choices left for women who DO want a relationship? Well, joing to the slut party or just stay alone for the rest of your life.

The sad part for women (and some men) is that there is no way to fix this, and I would venture to say it's going to get worst over time. Relationships are a form of conection in rapid extinction.

The old romantic ideas we had about love, affection, relationships and what not, are for the most part dead.

This is why our grandmas slutshamed, and why men shamed promiscuity and "guarded" their daughters.

It's called collective trust. It's one of the first social pacts of communities, it's a moral Code you just follow "because", without making a fuss or making any questions.

The same way in small towns people keep themselves in check and have an eye on every stranger that arrives to town. Have you visited a small town? You see how people startes at you in a very unconfourtable way?

It's because they are protecting their collective trust. You'll see that people in small towns and cities sleep with their door unlocked, they let their bikes with the keys on, they lend other neighbours money without thinking twice, they invite lots of people to their houses and help each other without demanding a reward, women and children walk alone the streets without fear of being robed or raped...

But then, when someone commits a fault, the same community turns it's back on that individual and he/she becomes an outcast.

Small communities are actually the most severe with social ostracism, and they punish bad behaviour more harshly. They are more judgmental, more opinionated about individual behaviour and private matters of other people, they are quick to judge others based on trivial aspects and even stereotypes, and don't follow this "mind your business" mantra, hell no, whatever happens in town, be it good or bad, it's the entire town's business.

Because THEY UNDERSTAND it only takes one man or woman to do something wrong to RUIN the trust individuals have in their community.

In large cities, where you can't possibly know every individual, and where most crimes and faults go unpunished and there is no social ostracism because, well, a criminal can just move places... People are, logically, less trustful of other individuals.

The same happens with promiscuity.

Why do you think people from small towns slutshame the most?

Because they understand if enough women engage in promiscuous behaviour, then men will stop commiting.

This is the reasson why WOMEN are the ones who slut shame the most actually. Because women want to get MARRIED, and if enough women slut it up... That ain't happening for ALL of them.

And when lots of women engage in promiscuous behaviour, what are the men going to do?

Well, they just take the easy route. They become players and manwhores.

Now you tell me... What was the sexual revolution all about?

purplish_possum · 2022-09-06T18:01:52+00:00

They're getting exactly what they want. Time with hot guys.

2022-09-06T19:03:02+00:00

I don't know about others but I liked casual sex. I finish easily which is rare for most women, and I wasn't looking for a relationship, though almost all of my hookups/fwb wanted to date at some point. I did enjoy the novelty of different types of guys n gals.

People who use casual sex to feel valued or get a relationship are doing it wrong, imo. Have sex because you want sex, not because you want something else and think sex will help you attain it.

PMmeareasontolive · 2022-09-06T17:51:39+00:00

I think it's a rite of initiation for women.

BeepBeepSaysTheJeep · 2022-09-06T17:53:46+00:00

I don't know any woman who's having lots of casual sex and complaining about feeling used. If having casual sex makes them feel bad, they just stop doing the thing.

If they're hoping to get a commitment from a fling, that only works on certain types of men, and they have to read their audience to keep them coming back for more.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2022-09-06T18:14:43+00:00

I cAn not answer for all women but I did it because it was fun. I do not regret any of it. But it’s not for everyone.

No one man or woman should ever feel they should be having casual sex if they do not like it or feel comfortable

hungrychick404 · 2022-09-06T18:28:29+00:00

I have friends who enjoy it, but I also have friends who tried it because they thought they had to in order to get a boyfriend and ended up hurt

andrejusilva123 · 2022-09-06T18:31:28+00:00

Mental health problems.

Valuable-Marzipan761 · 2022-09-06T18:39:27+00:00

I think those three reasons pretty much cover it. Want sex but can't find someone they want a relationship woth/ don't want one at my all.

why not wait until you're in a committed relationship or married?

Sounds great except the waiting part. Not many people want to go the first 5-10 years of adulthood without sex.

Sure-Vermicelli4369 · 2022-09-06T19:23:28+00:00

Fatherless activity.

mrgoodbarxxx · 2022-09-06T19:46:18+00:00

I think it is just normalized. The sad part is that I think that is precisely what is keeping them from meaningful commitment and relationships. Guys are after sex, so if they are getting it, they don’t need to commit.

I will also say hooking up is a red flag for me personally. Not because of slut shaming or anything like that… I just think that it is indicative of the fact that you might not be ready for a long term relationship.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-09-06T20:14:21+00:00

For the most part, they don't participate it. Most who do participate in it do so because they like it and, unlike other women, see just having sex abd leaving as a desirable outcome. Others are pressured or have some kind of trauma.

Salt_Mathematician24 · 2022-09-06T20:23:20+00:00

I think pressure from a hyper-sexualized society, being too nice and unable to say no, or feeling they can feel or find love through sex. Also, some reasons similar to men's like validation or to curb loneliness.

Gigamon2014 · 2022-09-06T23:10:55+00:00

It's a fair question. When I was single I was not only using dating sites but hookup apps meant explicitly for NSA stuff or for swinger/fetish types. Whilst it was a pain for the average guy, it was apparently heaven for women/couples. A bevy of all manner of men at your beck and call with any and all attributes to be enjoyed. Tall? Available. Buff? Available. Huge dick? Right there.

With the lopsided ratio in mind, it often meant men who didn't either have the requisite looks or attributes or dudes who didn't know how the entice women with the right lines would lose out. I won't pretend there aren't plenty of male timewasters on those dating and hookup apps...but it hits different having your time wasted as a man compared to your time wasted as a woman. Being a guy meant that you often had to pick up where you left off building rapport and comfort with a whole new prospect. For women? Many would complain about time wasters whilst my desperate ass was there the same time night the guy absconded. It was that easy for them to find replacements. I'm not crying about that. I get us guys desire sex more than women...but it end making me increasingly disinterested in the experience outside of the sex. Many guys got on using their game, I had my looks and physique. However, I found myself disinterested in actually entertaining these women beyond anything physical. Why? Because I felt the very nature of the choice women enjoyed made them increasingly lacking in respect for the very thing that made me desirable in the first place.

Redpill dorks may say it ad nauseum, but it is true. Hookup landscape/NSA communities really do allow women to push the envelope in terms of the quality of man they can acquire. Any women who participated pretending she didn't exploit this is a straight up liar. I don't really blame them for doing it either. But the issue is that same culture often creates an illusion of choice. Whilst they often are able to sleep with increasingly desirable men, I feel many of those same women treat those men like the average/below average dudes they commitment from. In turn those desirable men become increasingly jaded and unwilling to provide anything more than the most arbitrary/degrading/one sided sexual experience. I tended to find swinging was a little better with men more committed to at least ensuring the women would reach orgasm, but even then many of the single men on that scene laughed at the idea of taking single women on there seriously. Especially if those men were desirable to the other women. I can't count the amount of BBWs I smashed, but pretty much all I did fucking them doggy and not even entertaining a sensual, mutually enjoyable sexual experience. It was really me masturbating with a woman's body.

So for women, I think its a bit like being a kid in a candy store. Its starts off great but doesn't take long to start dealing with the indigestion and bloat that comes with a diet of confectionary and sweets.

prizefighterstudent · 2022-09-07T00:22:36+00:00

Most women I've hooked up with / do hook-ups go through phases of it. After a dude burns them post break-up, young and on vacation -- you'll rarely see a girl sleep around consistently over years and years. It's just tiresome, I feel like most guys wouldn't be able to do that physically nor emotionally despite how much they say they'd like to.

Women have these "spurs of the moment" just like men, where they feel lonely, horny, whichever -- the only difference is that any woman is capable of capitalizing on these periods. Most men will either have to settle for less than they actually want / settle for lower caliber than they want, where the juice isn't worth the squeeze for many.

MountainNine · 2022-09-07T00:40:51+00:00

Out of my entire close woman friend group, including myself, none of us have ever hooked up casually with anyone or been in a FWB situation. We're very open with our sexual lives with each other and trust one another with our intimate stories.

We don't have casual relationships because we don't want to - not because we feel "undervalued" by them. I believe that women only feel undervalued in hook up culture when they do not know who they are, are insecure and lack emotional intelligence.

PS - Where are you finding women where "almost every woman" has been in a casual situation?

anonymousUser1SHIFT · 2022-09-07T02:50:42+00:00

A huge part of it is that women don't even make the first move. So as men move into their batchelor faze and want to hook up, the ladies go for the hookup in hopes that it will happen again and again there for leading to a relationship.

This was actually covered the "The Dating Project" documentary.

moresleepy1 · 2022-09-07T07:44:03+00:00

because women get enough of what they want from hookup culture.

They get to sleep with attractive men.
They get male attention and desire.
some get prizes and trips and dinners without paying for them.
they get to try new sexual things they may not want to in ltrs (bdsm threesomes)
they get a distraction from their shit lives.

Trying in a real relationship where you are connecting with another person is more difficult and messy it also has not guarantee to win hook up culture is easier.

the causal market is like going to the casino and playing the slots for a quarter they give you free booze if you lose its not that much money and you had a good experience if you win you hit the jackpot.

warramite · 2022-09-06T18:16:40+00:00

Golden Pussy syndrome, they think that THEIR pussy in particular will be enough for the High Value guy to "settle down" with them

Most women would rather be the 700th wife of King Solomon or Chris Hemsworth than the 1st wife of an average guy

Lisavela · 2022-09-06T20:24:10+00:00

I think some people feel peer pressured into sleeping around because it’s the norm but study’s say people are having less sex so I’m not sure who everyone claims to be sleeping with

2022-09-06T21:16:24+00:00

another mystery showcasing women dont make logical sense

JumboJetz · 2022-09-06T21:34:58+00:00

Women are adept at being professional victims.

Yes women want relationships but they also crave sex so they resolve this by having sex and then bashing men for not wanting relationships.

It’s fine that they have sex but the constant complaining is tiresome.

supershotmd · 2022-09-06T23:08:52+00:00

How else would average (or more commonly slightly above average) women get regular sex from super hot guys?

Of course those guys, combined with their income/career, will then dedicate themselves to a woman "better" than her.

2022-09-06T23:40:31+00:00

*it benefits the top 5% of men.

riverden · 2022-09-07T01:37:15+00:00

For those of us who argue against casual sex or hook up culture should not be singling out women because even men are negatively affected by casual sex to there are studies that show men get post coital dysphoria. This isn't a gender issue it's a social issue. So I noticed that a lot of these women are what I call hook up culture warriors people who defend this specific concept of sex and relationship vehemently. I am not saying only women defend hook up culture as if it's their God, even men worship this new god. I use god here to be poetic not literally just wanted to add some spice. What I am trying to say we who are critical of hookup culture or against hook up culture are not going to find a meaningful discussion around here. But I will give you my personal perspective and thoughts. I would like to come from a scientific and systemic approach rather than rely on individual experiences and scenarios because liberals and hook up warriors will deflect these things easily.

A lot of these hook up warriors or casual goers to me are reflect of the modern economic system of hyper individualism and atomization. Due to the busy nature of our social system, need to develop careers and separation of sex from romance, commodification of romance and sex, the ideology of casual sex emerged from society.The conditions we face as young people is that we are told that we don't know what we want, we aren't financially stable for a family, we have time to consume consumer goods as fast as we want and as many as we can. These conditions allowed us to buy this narrative of having casual sex as young people and then we settle down when we have stable career and realize casual sex was fun but meanigless. And the defense for this narrative are the conditions that I have stated for you and believe that these conditions are eternal part of humanity. The commodification of sex and romance is what seperated the two. The commodification of romance through marriage is what is delaying romance since it's dependent on stable career and the commodification of sex through porn industry and prostitution demands sex be seperated from romance in order to be consumed quickly and leave people wanting more and more, almost like YouTube videos.

The way that hook up culture warrior defend their God is belief that young people are incapable of forming serious relationship since they lack stable career and relationship maturity to form stable relationships, and need to seek variety so they don't cheat on future spouse. This is palatable to most people because of rampant divorces and toxic relationships which are used to paint relationships as cages. Surprisingly the server rigidity between friends and romance also plays a role in this in which friendship is minimized. Friendship nowadays means casual acquaintances for convince in which we don't feel connected or bonded with friends hence the lonliness epidemic both men and women yes women face lonliness too. So what the hook up culture does it takes the old idea of flings and repackages it as a this cool new hip invention friends with benefits. What hook up culture is doing is not selling casual sex it's selling an idea for consumers to consume. It's not just about casual sex but it's about setting up norms of when it's appropriate to get married, and have kids. When people hear about 20 year olds they are pessemestic about it or find it strange you cannot deny this happens. So op I think the better question to ask why is hook up culture becoming the norm and why do people participate in? Looking things systemically is interesting.

Op I am too tired to write a genuine critique or analysis of hook up culture and provide a meaningful solution to this dilemma but my big take away is that hook up culture might not be a huge human crisis but it's a symptom of a decaying and dying society that is in denial of its own toxicity and shallowness. The solution involves eliminating the conditions that allowed hook up culture to thrive. Let me be clear hook up culture might have existed in past but it's different in present and it's growing into mainstream culture as we speak. The hook up culture warriors are more vocal these days and they rely on arguments and beliefs systems of what they think the human condition is to persist into mainstream.

I know the hook up warriors here will call me a conspiracy theorist or try to antagonize me by calling me an incel or even provide shallow response like providing anecdotes that disprove me or say "let people do what they want" to shut down meaningful conversation. But Op I hope I could provide you some useful ideas here 😊 and I hope you have a good day

Poisongirl5 · 2022-09-07T02:29:40+00:00

Some women started withdrawing from hook up culture (FDS) and men became enraged, calling them femcels for wanting commitment before sex

Caring_Cactus · 2022-09-07T04:03:54+00:00

For most people, what we're all really searching is for a greater connection in wholeness with ourselves, essentially security in self. Maybe for a lot of women and men sexuality is an easy (and addicting) escape to emotionally feel alive and validate themselves, of course though how we feel is ultimately determined by the individual, and not some dependent other to live through.

Edit: I would say most of this is both an emotion regulation issue and an esteem issue.

globeaute · 2022-09-07T04:26:10+00:00

For almost every woman who does this it’s a cope. There are the rare ones who genuinely like screwing random men on the regular, but most want to feel empowered instead of used. So they tell themselves that they are fine with being rammed for 10 minutes without any climax by some dude who probably has a cocktail of STDs, and who sees them as a literal thing to fuck and discard.

DXBrigade · 2022-09-07T09:20:32+00:00

Women who feel hurt by casual sex are the ones who seek love at the wrong place. They are also men with he same issue but the validation they get compensate it.

Plenty of women want to sow their wild oats.

dbz19_kai · 2022-09-07T10:17:07+00:00

A minority of women do enjoy sex with randoms and get what they want out of it

boring-shenanigans · 2022-09-06T18:13:27+00:00

It's also peer pressure: it seems like sleeping around is the norm and if you don't do that you're a prude, so you participate in it because everyone else is doing it and saying great things about it.

2022-09-06T18:51:50+00:00

They get to have sex with men above them on the mate-value hierarchy.

_revelationary · 2022-09-06T20:41:46+00:00

For those of you saying men or our culture do not pressure women to have casual sex, they do it on their own because “hypergamy” or whatnot…you are absolutely wrong.

I was raised in a strict conservative home and told that I needed to be a virgin until I got married. In high school and early college (basically until I decided religion wasn’t for me) I AGONIZED over this. I 100% believed that no man would ever accept that I wanted to wait for the right person. I was convinced I’d die alone. And I for sure isolated more than I should’ve and avoided things socially. And I got called prude and “uptight.”

I think all women have their own motivations and reasons to partake in casual sex/hookups, and some of them have very positive and affirming experiences with this. But you can’t ignore that there is HUGE pressure to have sex quickly or lose out on men in the dating pool.

Any-Bottle-4910 · 2022-09-06T19:07:43+00:00

I think it’s weird how much we (men) are concerning ourselves with womens’ sexual activities. I’m more concerned with being honest with people about risks. Health, reputation, and satisfaction.

Other than that, it’s no one’s goddamned business. Give them the real (not aspirational) information and step away.

Specialist-Action-33 · 2022-09-06T19:39:24+00:00

A lot of times women want to claim that its fun to live the best experiences in their lives. I can't really fault them completely for this reason.

I was talking to a female friend recently, and she told me about all the FWB relationships she had and how hard it is to find someone for relationships and marriage. She broke down crying and told me she wanted to feel valued and that when she had flings, she didn't get the value she wanted out of it.

Another reason is because women are hoping that it would manifest into a relationship with the guys they are sleeping with. When they become upset that things don't go as they wanted, they fail to understand what it's called when you do the same thing over and over but expect a different result up until they meet that one person with potential but will pretend as if they don't view sex the same way as she did during her hookup days.

2022-09-06T20:06:10+00:00

Keeping that notion above, if women are good with having sex with one man, especially with one man who knows how to throw it down, why not wait until you're in a committed relationship or married?

Because sometimes it's not a good time for a relationship. For example, after you've just got out a LTR and want to be on your own for a bit, or you're super busy with work or you simply have a lot of shit going on your end.

Casual sex (can) get your needs met without the emotional energy or responsibility.

resultsmatter1 · 2022-09-07T03:32:40+00:00

Because women are full of shit

_Duriel_1000_ · 2022-09-06T18:44:34+00:00

If the hook-up culture is making women feel used and undervalued, why participate in it in the first place? Why have casual sex?

Because the women need to feel validated. They need men's attention.

Ancient-Inevitable47 · 2022-09-06T23:20:14+00:00

Women work on feelings and men on logic

Its amazing you expect logic from women. Its like asking men 'How do you feel bro?'

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Ainsleygz · 2022-09-06T21:24:23+00:00

I enjoyed having casual sex and fwbs because I get most of my pleasure from giving pleasure. Experiencing the variety of what others wanted was fun and exciting. So the nature of it all made that easy, fulfilling and pleasurable for me

MGTOWManofMystery · 2022-09-06T22:06:21+00:00

Some enjoy it; others must compete for those top men who all women want.

LotBuilder · 2022-09-07T00:01:45+00:00

Who says they are not getting the results they want?

jayval90 · 2022-09-07T00:50:29+00:00

Because our culture values short-term pleasure over the long-term good. It's sweet to the mouth and bitter to the belly.

This applies to its effects for both men and women, even if it's a little different in the details. And anyways, even if it only damaged women, it would still come around to the male gender in the form of trying to pair up with damaged women (or ending up mutually alone).

ElectricBugs · 2022-09-07T00:58:01+00:00

Well hook up with a person who is great at sex is amazing. But the issue is that we are social anal and desire a level of security and intimacy. You get lonely at times. The trick is to find other things that fill that area of your life and not rely o. A man to do it, as a woman. I don't need men but sometimes I get lonely and want companionship.

mcove97 · 2022-09-07T01:28:19+00:00

Because dude, I might never get into a committed relationship and I don't want to get married.

If I don't find a dude I wanna be in a relationship before in 5 or 10 years I'm not gonna lose out on sex and have no sex for years until I find the perfect guy. Like my hot years I wanna enjoy being hot and enjoying sex, even if I can't find the right one.

Main-Leek7908 · 2022-09-07T01:30:43+00:00

Why not wait until you’re in a committed relationship or married?

Because people have libido to satiate, sex feels good, and there is no reason not to have casual sex as long as it’s legal, consensual, safe, and you’re not an idiot that hamsters herself into feeling “used” afterwards.

busy-mom-life · 2022-09-07T04:35:02+00:00

As a woman, I like variety. FWB never worked because the guy wanted a relationship. Everyday I see people that look yummy but I very rarely know anyone I want to keep around. Life is sooo much easier without a man to juggle.

figuringMylife · 2022-09-07T12:41:44+00:00

IM A SLUT. my libido is psychotic. sex is enjoyable. if i could have sex multiple times every day i would.

that’s easier in a relationship/marriage and we can live together so that’s better too. but i participated in casual because i was just going with the flow and never really found a guy i like until boom im in a relationship.

i just date whoever’s in close proximity that’s cool enough.

shadowofdoubt13 · 2022-09-07T14:05:04+00:00

Female liberation

melody_of_ · 2022-09-07T14:26:47+00:00

Because they are getting the outcomes they want.

Participation for women isint like men where it's a light switch of (ugga uggs me get sex) or their stuck as sexless for years at a time.

Its more of a spectrum. Ranging from being able to secure a really valuable dude. To just having amazing sex with attractive people to having sex that really is not up to your standards. But in all of those cases your getting varying levels of intimacy pleasure and validation.

Any and all changes in the dating market are in response to the desires of women not men. So if you ever hear men saying some variation

"why do women do X if it's actually bad for them"

They are probably missing some critical piece of information that's preventing them from having a more accurate picture of things on the ground.

Aimeereddit123 · 2022-09-07T17:23:22+00:00

I agree with a lot of your comment. Casual sex tends to be harmful to women. However, how does a woman know a man knows how to ‘throw it down’ if she doesn’t have sex with him before marriage?

Teflon08191 · 2022-09-07T18:57:28+00:00

Because it's trendy and women follow trends often without thinking too deeply about how it might be detrimental to them.

IcarusKiki · 2022-09-08T03:23:04+00:00

Bc prisoners dilemma

HobbitShaker88 · 2022-09-08T03:53:26+00:00

Because she was hoping they would lead to a relationship. Most of my sexual encounters have led to relationships.

However, some women feel fine with casual sex. They are less likely to discuss this with you though, as society judges them.

hostility_kitty · 2022-09-08T06:12:36+00:00

I have sex with a guy outside a relationship to see if we’re sexually compatible. If we are, then I’ll ask him out. It’s a waste of my time to be with a guy for several months only to find out that he’s bad in bed and having to break up with him.

tictacti1 · 2022-09-08T18:21:47+00:00

I was not attempting to participate in "hook-up" culture. Almost every man I slept with lied to me or mislead me into thinking he wanted something more serious than he did, with the exception of the 6 people I ended up dating long term. There were a few occasions where after our initial encounter I ended things, but it was much more common the other way around.

Railgunner79 · 2022-09-09T09:20:24+00:00

Because feminism and modern society have them believing that they are all 10’s and should only sleep with men that are 10’s. When these guys of course don’t stick around feminism tells them that it’s ok because the sex was good so continue doing it.

no_bling_just_ding · 2022-09-10T16:29:09+00:00

I was talking to a female friend recently, and she told me about all the FWB relationships she had and how hard it is to find someone for relationships and marriage. She broke down crying and told me she wanted to feel valued and that when she had flings, she didn't get the value she wanted out of it.

she wanted those flings. she is now rationalizing post-hoc what she did. and if a woman doesn't want a guy, she just doesn't interact with him: ask incels.

WorldlySample5112 · 2022-09-15T22:55:52+00:00

I may have a perspective in the, somewhat, opposing direction. I (35F) am choosing a casual arrangement even though it's not what I want long term.

It is a long story with many details, but I will try to boil it down to essentials. I have never been interested in hook-up culture, one night stands, - I want to be in a committed relationship. After 12 years being single I started dating my (ex) boyfriend early this year. We agreed it was exclusive, monogamous. After 34 years I though I found the right person and he knew I was a virgin at that time. We slept together - once- and he never touched me again. Five months in I found out he had been emotionally cheating the entire time and left. I was humiliated to say the least.

A guy I had met a year ago reconnected with me a few months after the breakup. He had always been upfront - only wants casual. I was just as honest- my one and only experience left me feeling like I couldn't be a satisfying sexual partner. I wanted to explore my sexuality with someone I respected and made me comfortable. He was happy to oblige as he has always wanted to guide someone in this way. Our first 'session' together was amazing. I have never felt more secure with myself and respectfully - disrespected.

We set ground rules. We live too far apart for late night booty calls so all the 'session times' are planned in advance. I guess in that way it doesn't make me feel under valued.

It's a very specific case that is working for me. I still have no desire to have many partners and will be happy for my next partner to be my last. When it ends, we might never speak again, but I will be forever thankful to him. He has given me a confidence that no amount of therapy could.

Particular_Still_719 · 2022-11-13T15:35:10+00:00

i personally know a girl who's into hook up culture. there are many reasons why girls are into hookup culture:

she's a nympho and loves penis of attractive men and sometimes regardless of who's attached to it, she sees men as a set of penis and balls only

she was molested or raped as child and has no self esteem or regard for her body, using sex for validation

she's been hurt in the past by men who dated her just for sex and has low self value thinking all men are the same in just wanting sex and nothing more

she treats sex like it's nothing intimate and treats it as a way of relieving herself of her carnal desires without much or any restraint whenever she's in the mood (she's always in the mood) and when penis is available or presented to her

To sum it up, girls who are into hook up culture are truly lost souls who aren't really aware of themselves in a standard moral way. They really don't know what they want in life in general, just going with the flow with no concrete morals or blue print on where they want to go in life. ALOT OF THEM have issues such as being an addict to drugs or alcohol, being bi polar , having PTSD due to being molested or raped as a kid, personality disorders etc... they likely have daddy issues where they grew up with no father figure, have dead beat single moms with no male role models in their lives such as a dad, older brother or male relative. to them, when they're feeling horny, they'll give a bj to some random stranger just because they're feeling it at the moment, without an ounce of the feeling of losing any decency. most girls wouldn't do this, but to them, it's completely normal and okay. there are such things as EASY girls. girls into hookup culture fall into this category. they love to share their bodies with all types of men.

Title	Why do women participate in the hook-up culture if they aren't getting the outcomes they want?
Author	theorangesmile
Upvotes	91
Comments	202
Date	September 6, 2022 5:26 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/x7ge9e/why_do_women_participate_in_the_hookup_culture_if/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-do-women-participate-in-the-hook-up-culture-if.1129852 https://theredarchive.com/post/1129852

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