Do men actually like the idea of “coaching” a woman through life and why?

InjectAdrenochrome · 2023-08-24T18:11:04+00:00

Men like being teachers and introducing women to new things. I don't know why. Buy they do.

chalkandapples · 2023-08-24T18:48:22+00:00

I'm not a guy but I grew up with a lot of guys and watched them grow up and go through romantic experiences and have a theory on this.

I feel like compared to girls, guys don't feel as strong of an inherent sense of sexual worth. Many women feel some sense of sexual worth (objectification or ONLY having sexual worth is a thing but a separate issue to this) just for being female. Men don't seem to have the same confidence in their sexual worth just for being male.

Many men I see have some kind of desire to add or contribute other value to a woman's life in order to feel normal and secure. Obviously some men does this more than others depending on their personality and base self esteem. But I have seen men be overly alert and aware of their "value" to women and panic when they start to feel "useless"

This is just the feeling I get from male friends and my brother, and even my husband. Bad men usually project that insecurity on the woman and try to bring her down in order to feel better about himself, good men don't do that but can still feel insecure about it.

Even in internet spaces, things like SMV is something that men relate with and talk about more. Men seem to want to be able to see and understand their value in tangible terms in relationships compared to women, especially when dating hasn't been smooth for them.

It's not just romantic either. It happens in other platonic aspects of life and parenting. Maybe men are just socialized to actively demonstrate value and be competitive in that sense.

Soloandthewookiee · 2023-08-24T18:50:10+00:00

No, that sounds exhausting.

I like introducing people to new things, just like I enjoy learning new things. But coaching a partner through life? No thanks, I already have a child.

BigZaddyZ3 · 2023-08-24T20:00:36+00:00

Yeah. Men enjoy being a woman’s “savior”…. Her “Superman” if you will.

Part of that is being the person that she trust the most or the one she turns to for guidance or leadership.

Antisocialite99 · 2023-08-24T20:55:05+00:00

I like the idea of a couple learning from each other.

DrainTheMuck · 2023-08-25T01:52:47+00:00

My best friend is a genuinely good, helpful person who has ended up in a relationship with a woman who needs to be coached and hand-held through life. I truly do not think he sought out that quality in her. His last LTR was very competent and driven. His new gf is someone he met and gets along with well enough, but is a total spoiled princess. She will not do anything by herself, not even going to the store. She will make him go with her. She will not help with any chores such as doing dishes or cooking. It’s either he cooks or they get takeout, and then he does the dishes.

She’s basically the incarnation of weaponized incompetence, combined with some convenient excuses like anxiety. It’s really starting to bother me because my friend is simply a good person who has now settled into this situation where he’s expected to do literally everything for her.

I suppose my thoughts are: some men may like “coaching” a woman through life, but other men may become doormats and simply allow themselves to be manipulated into being the coach, without any specific gain from it.

thisreallyisnotok · 2023-08-24T19:14:27+00:00

I used have to make doctors appointments/phone in takeout for my ex and it got old quick

sine120 · 2023-08-24T18:29:45+00:00

I'm not "men", just me, but no. I'd like to be with a partner who can pull their own weight. I don't make enough to comfortably support two adults and two kids off my income, I'd like a partner who can pull their weight and fill in the gaps of things I'm not as good at.

MotherPermit9585 · 2023-08-24T19:31:37+00:00

I think it’s a kink, like the whole step-family member dynamic trop in porn. Even if it doesn’t seem sexual it’s probably the underlying issue.

I had a FWB who was 11 years younger than me (he was 26 at the time) and it started out very normal, like platonic friends but we’d have sex too. Then he started asking me for small gifts (like stuffed animals) which I just laughed off. But then he started asking if he could pretend that I was his step-mom and I had to end it 😂

Submersiv · 2023-08-24T18:16:36+00:00

Why don't you ask yourself why it's so common that women call their sexual partners 'daddy' in bed and maybe you'll get it.

SeveralSadEvenings · 2023-08-24T19:02:14+00:00

Gross. I couldn't think of a worse hell than having to subject myself to some dude who thinks he can teach me some shit just cause he has a dick.

I had a dad, he was a great man, I don't need another one.

jonascf · 2023-08-24T19:27:24+00:00

I do like the idea of coaching a woman through life, not helping her do basic things like any adult should be able to do but more like using me life experience to help her navigate her own life better.

And there is an element of coaching or mentoring in my relationship with my girlfriends. They are both very close to me in age, but they have very little insight into their own psyche and emotional state and I have spent a lot of time helping them navigate that and understanding what they need to feel better when it comes to their mental health.

kunell · 2023-08-24T20:29:36+00:00

I like offering advice and having it be useful. Idk it makes me feel like I have some sort of worth I guess.

Also Im an older brother so...

Welllarmedhippie · 2023-08-24T21:09:47+00:00

That is goddamn weird and I've had men try to do this to me. They just want to be helpful I guess but it's actually super disrespectful.

Shoddy-Donut-9339 · 2023-08-24T21:18:31+00:00

Spouses are coaches even if they are the same age. You are a team. Nobody has all the answers already. You help each other.

No-Introduction411 · 2023-08-25T00:47:37+00:00

Men like to feel useful, capable, needed. Simple as that. No need to insert negative or bad intentions.

TSquaredRecovers · 2023-08-24T18:32:54+00:00

Definitely sounds like a parent-child dynamic, which is incredibly disturbing. Anyone who specifically targets much younger women with these sort of intentions—to “mold” her and teach her about life—is either mentally unwell or a predator. I will add that I don’t think all age-gap relationships are like this, but I’m willing to bet that it‘s not terribly uncommon, either.

wtknight · 2023-08-24T18:15:06+00:00

Men don’t mind younger women if they are receiving a sexual benefit. This is basically what it comes down to.

babazuki · 2023-08-24T18:36:15+00:00

The Aladdin "I can show the world" phenomenon. Yeah, a lot of women are attracted to guys that can guide them through new experiences and it's fun for the guy to do it. It's cute. You're trying to make it weird.

Opening_Tell9388 · 2023-08-24T18:47:23+00:00

Nope. I need a functioning adult partner.

Dull-Laugh-4037 · 2023-08-24T20:25:21+00:00

Yes, this is absolutely true. We like to lead and be leaned upon. When our woman comes to us for advice, instruction, etc, it shows she values our perspective and trusts that we can guide her. It helps affirm our role in the household to be the leader. Also, since most men find their women to be physically attractive, it builds up our self-confidence when our beautiful woman depends on us. It reminds us we are valued.

stromyoloing · 2023-08-24T19:13:42+00:00

Mansplainer’s wet dreamz

Safinated · 2023-08-24T18:59:55+00:00

Because you’re in control and have power

Labayaccount123 · 2023-08-24T19:56:26+00:00

Contrary to what people are saying here, it doesn't feed the man's ego or a superiority thing. if he is able to give the woman an experience she hasn't had before, it gives the man a sense of purpose and meaning because all men are servants, we want to serve our women and give them everything. That's why women who's been around the world done everything is unattractive because an average man cannot give her a "better" experience(aka life) and makes HIM insecure because why would she pick him if he can't compete with the past men in her life. Insecurity makes a man scared. And scared dogs bite(men becoming toxic). This is also a part of the reason high body count is unattractive because chances are He cannot compete with and 6 foot Chad athletes who could fuck her for 2 hrs straight in the past.

Hatefuleight-36 · 2023-08-25T00:18:25+00:00

I personally don’t. Maybe I’m fine with teaching a girl some things and her also introducing me to new things that brighten up my life, but just being some starry eyed father to my girlfriend sounds weird.

TopNYJeweler · 2023-08-24T18:31:38+00:00

Just as women want to be coached, being opened door for, being helped, etc. men also love doing it. I think the dynamic is natural.

Sure, women may be more immature on some things you mention, but also they are more nurturing, they know more about what looks better, how to organize the house and other dynamics.

Spare-Estimate5596 · 2023-08-24T19:59:24+00:00

Coach her into being a good wife and mother. Clearly because most women do not understand how to do that

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harmonica2 · 2023-08-24T19:18:52+00:00

I'm in a relationship with a woman who is significantly younger than me but I don't feel I have to coach her through life. There are some new things I've introduced to her, like say my photography skills but even a woman my own age can learn that if she doesn't know.

mrcs84usn · 2023-08-24T19:30:03+00:00

Personally, I like being a resource for stuff, whether the inquiry be from a male or female.

I think part of the protect/provide thing is mentorship, and I don’t think it would “get old” so long as the person is catching on. If you have to continually tell them the same shit, then yeah it would suck.

Side note, mortgages & taxes aren’t exactly cake walks if you’re trying to do things for maximum benefit.

johnnybayarea · 2023-08-24T20:07:15+00:00

It makes sense as it is likely the easiest way to avoid confrontation. There are usually many ways to "skin a cat", some better some worse. Maybe your way is better for some reason only you hold, while their way is better for a reason you don't value. Now you are in a multi hr "fight", rarest occasions you convince the other person of your way, mostly likely there's some compromise and no one gets everything they wanted originally.

Now you are in a situation with a coach/leader; situations go much smoother. You just have to trust the coach is doing the right thing, and fairly considering the other's needs as well (not always the case).

Most adults do not know how to do taxes, mortgage, investing, money in general.

I like to keep my relationship in a silo of coaching. Split dominance on as many things as possible. So you can defer tasks and responsibilities to each partner

lolthankstinder · 2023-08-24T20:07:49+00:00

Tbh, I think it’s more men don’t mind it, not that they like it. Women aren’t biologically attracted enough to men to want to coach a man through basic aspects of life so they’d rather just be single than be in that situation. So, across millions of relationships, men are more likely to not mind and enter a ‘coaching’ dynamic.

odd_cloud · 2023-08-24T20:25:54+00:00

Because of hypergamy. It’s similar to short women. Men have more chances with short women, because these women would like them with a higher probability. The same thing happens with life experience. A woman is more likely to like a man if he had more life experience. So this man prefers a less experienced woman.

RedPillDad · 2023-08-24T20:47:46+00:00

I think the coachable trait comes from an employment perspective. When you hire someone, if they aren't coachable they won't evolve.

Traditionally, men were the vessel and women the water. A feminine woman has the ability to flow into a man's life and find many ways to support and contribute. Some modern women reject this and will not flow.

Alexander Grace released an interesting video where he shared that men are islands and women are boats. Some modern women want a finished luxurious island they can land upon so they can gorge upon the resources. Consuming without contributing.

tired_hillbilly · 2023-08-24T21:07:59+00:00

I LOVE helping people. I got great grades through school, but that didn't make me proud, I didn't feel anything about it. What did make me proud, was seeing the students I tutored get great grades. I was fucking thrilled to get my pupils on the high honor roll.

Fusiontron · 2023-08-24T22:08:16+00:00

From age 15 up until recently I would've preferred to have had a slightly older girlfriend who would coach me. I am on the tail end of the male distribution in one way, so I assume that yes there are many guys who would like to be the coach for their younger girlfriends.

Sure-Vermicelli4369 · 2023-08-24T22:16:49+00:00

Nope learned my lesson on that. You gotta have your shit together now.

Remote-Classic-3532 · 2023-08-24T22:51:49+00:00

The biggest defining trait of masculinity is competence. Women are typically attracted to competent men, and men derive the majority of our self worth from the feeling of competency. Doesn’t really matter what area it’s in. And there is no greater measure of competence than the ability to teach, guide, or coach.

profstarship · 2023-08-24T22:54:05+00:00

No, it's quit annoying. The last girl I date who was significantly younger was a major headache. Once we lived together she just did so many boneheadded things I'd learned not to do cause I'd lived on my own for so long, this was her first place not with her parents. I didn't get angry because it was mostly mistakes I'd made before also, just was annoying to relive them all over again.

The reason why younger women are more desirable comes down mostly to agreeableness. If she fucked something up and I explained how to fix it, she would just listen and do it and not argue or try to justify her mistakes. It's like we both see you fucked up, here's how not to fuck up next time, moving on.

hockey_psychedelic · 2023-08-24T23:46:32+00:00

It's more about control.

ElbowStrike · 2023-08-25T01:12:25+00:00

Men like to feel valued. Being in a teacher role makes a person feel valued.

-AvatarAang- · 2023-08-25T01:15:53+00:00

Very much yes. It allows me to express my paternal instincts, which I already have inside of me and which I deeply wish to direct towards a woman. I want to kiss the top of her head, I want to spoon her at night and rub her tummy in a circular motion with my hand until she falls asleep, I want to brush her hair, do her makeup and occasionally spoon-feed her. Not in a creepy, fetishistic way, but simply because I like the idea of taking care of a human being that I love. It gives me a sense of purpose. It lets me express compassion. It reminds me of the existence of something outside of myself that matters as much as, if not more than, myself. It's deeply intimate to care for another human being, while they allow themselves to completely relax and be taken care of by you. It's a bonding experience.

I don't have many life skills yet but when I get them I'll also be interested in the other, "life coach" aspects you mentioned, like teaching them to how file taxes and so forth.

dumbbitchcas · 2023-08-25T01:21:54+00:00

As a woman I crave a man like that, but it’s probably the parent issues

Barely-moral · 2023-08-25T02:42:27+00:00

I value sharing first experiences. So I do value the opportunity to coach my partner through life.

In reality, the charm would wear off very quickly dealing with someone who doesn’t know how a mortgage works, how to file taxes or set up bills, or how to navigate an airport.

In reality I have practically unlimited patience and I don't get tired of doing something I like to do.

It’s also interesting to look into what happens when a parent child dynamic is introduced into a romantic relationship, (assuming both parties come from stable normal childhoods), that dynamic will quickly kill off chemistry and end in a dead bedroom.

Then I guess the solution is that at least one of the parties involved needs to have a non stable non normal childhood. Problem solved.

People generally don’t want to fuck their kids, or the parent that they’re totally dependent on

See above.

grown_folks_talkin · 2023-08-25T04:11:35+00:00

Me, in small doses but not consistently, it would drive me crazy.

I was in a circle with guys that were sugar dating for a time and this was a WHOLE LOT of the draw for the men and women involved.

Desperate_Farm_8010 · 2023-08-25T04:15:48+00:00

No. Just no

Da_Famous_Anus · 2023-08-25T04:28:05+00:00

Nope. They don’t want to listen. They’d rather listen to astrology or literally anything else even if whatever it is happens to be the very area of your expertise, advanced degree, accomplishments, everything. All that shit. I will never attempt to help a woman with anything ever again at this point because they’re rude, they might accuse you of ‘mansplaining’ and they don’t want to listen anyway. They’re ‘independent’ ‘bosses’ that don’t need no man. Have at it.

Flat-Historian-1057 · 2023-08-25T04:53:02+00:00

This sounds like the literal definition of grooming

Flat-Historian-1057 · 2023-08-25T04:56:34+00:00

If all he has to bring ti the relationship is more life experience he doesn’t actually bring anything to the relationship.

ZukeIRL · 2023-08-25T08:58:22+00:00

This is why I wish I was a woman

Hopeful-Big2544 · 2023-08-25T10:58:44+00:00

Men learn the truth teach the truth and protect the truth that’s our job

No-Rough-7390 · 2023-08-25T15:00:30+00:00

People, in general, tend to enjoy new, exciting experiences. The first time doing things tends to have more of an impact for women than others. See:

Travel to a new place Buy a home Wedding Having kids Bedroom experiences (not saying sex, in general. I’m talking about powerful experiences)

The “been there, done that” effect is super strong, so if you are not the first one to do one of these things with her then it simply won’t mean as much down the road and won’t have the same impact.

It’s just the way the machine works.

FutureBannedAccount2 · 2023-08-25T16:23:51+00:00

Absolutely not. If I wanted to coach someone through life I’d go adopt a kid.

lighthub · 2023-08-25T18:29:42+00:00

Not surprised at all that older men like these say Creepy things like this and wanting a parent-child dynamic. yuck

justforlulz12345 · 2023-08-26T04:19:46+00:00

“Coach”? The fuck I’m not being paid to coach shit. I’m not a one man cheeseburger apocalypse.

Do men actually like the idea of “coaching” a woman through life and why?

Comments

I don’t. It’s daunting and teaching humanities constantly or basic ambition is tiresome to say the least with women.

Title	Do men actually like the idea of “coaching” a woman through life and why?
Author	Ill_Inspection5225
Upvotes	28
Comments	269
Date	August 24, 2023 6:07 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1609gqc/do_men_actually_like_the_idea_of_coaching_a_woman/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-men-actually-like-the-idea-of-coaching-a-woman.1229602 https://theredarchive.com/post/1229602