Q4M: Do you ever want to feel sexy just for yourself?

Aafan_Barbarro · 2024-02-13T16:47:31+00:00

This post managed to perfectly encapsulate the difference between sexes. I have never read anything I could relate to less than this.

Fan_Service_3703 · 2024-02-13T15:25:52+00:00

Sitting on the sofa watching TV at home? No.

But for the last few years I definitely have do an effort to be smart and presentable if I have to leave the home. Get a haircut every two weeks, and style my hair or wear a stylish hat if I don't have time. Buttoned shirt and smart shoes are the minimum standard for leaving the house. No tracksuits or trainers unless at the gym.

I'd be lying if I said there wasn't an element of hoping to be more appealing to women back when I was single, but since I wasn't going to be talking to women in my ten minute trip to get some milk, ultimately it was about feeling more presentable and therefore more confident, as well as having a personal style that is distinctly my own.

blarginfajiblenochib · 2024-02-13T15:31:35+00:00

Men are really only “sexy” if they’re tall, muscular and good looking and also saying/doing something women like, so idk, maybe after a workout when I’m like pumped? but usually I just want to shower lol I feel better when I look my best, so maybe when I have a fresh haircut, shave and am dressed in an outfit I like.

CraftyCooler · 2024-02-13T17:11:13+00:00

Nope. My body/look is just a tool - I care about my weight, health, clothes etc. but it is for practical reasons, it just makes my life easier. Looking at mirror and thinking - 'god i look great' is a silly concept for me.

shockingly_bored · 2024-02-13T15:22:31+00:00

What would be the point?

Tobor_Xes240 · 2024-02-13T15:28:05+00:00

Yeah I enjoy looking sharp on occasion.

ComfortableJeans · 2024-02-13T15:31:56+00:00

I've never felt attractive by myself, not ever. I don't know if it's a normal thing for boys. I don't think I can. I normally think of myself as quite unattractive, even though I've been hit on by a few women, and my relationships have come around from women making the first moves. It's unwanted, but I've had women come up and run their fingers through my long hair or touch my chest. I know these things that happened must indicate that I'm attractive, but I have literally always felt ugly.

I think it comes from my father. For the first 16 years or so, he would refer to me as fat, ugly, or stupid. I can't imagine even without that happening I'd ever feel that way. Honestly, I was just under the assumption that most boys didn't.

I've only felt attractive when my partners comment on me. When my girlfriends have called me handsome, or commented on my body, or through touching me, and so on. My ex would ask for selfies of me, then go and show them off to her friends. It was weird, but nice feeling, knowing that she found me that attractive.

But no, generally, I don't feel attractive unless it's a feeling given to me by a partner I'm in love with.

I go as far as to mainly go out and night and keep from packed areas so people can't see me sometime.

I feel as though, if I tried to look "sexy," I'd just look terribly awkward and silly.

It is what it is, I suppose.

wtknight · 2024-02-13T15:35:34+00:00

No. I’ll mentally stimulate myself if I’m in the mood to do something for myself. I have no desire to feel sexy for my own benefit.

odd_cloud · 2024-02-13T16:05:29+00:00

No. It actually interests me why women do all this stuff even if they are not looking for a man. A woman may be in a dead bedroom situation and still do the nails, hair, and wear sexy clothing. I don’t get why one would put effort in appearance if they aren’t going to sleep with someone.

ColbyXXXX · 2024-02-13T15:38:12+00:00

Yeah I will sit at home wash my face put on a face masque. Clean my nails and brush my hair and put on a durag. Then I sit in my robe and it is honestly really nice to feel all pampered.

Kind-Dare7852 · 2024-02-13T15:58:53+00:00

No. I don't think I could properly articulate the thought, but I feel like this difference in men and women says something about objectification.

babazuki · 2024-02-13T15:24:28+00:00

Sounds like narcissism. No, never do that myself.

SecondEldenLord · 2024-02-14T00:09:37+00:00

I call it bullshit. Women don't dress sexy and have makeup for themselves, period. Otherwise, they wouldn't be so obsessed with uploading photos, they wouldn't be so obsessed of getting ready for dates or for a night out with the girls and so on. Women do it to attract a mate or get attention ,period. And no, men don't do it for themselves either, whoever says they are, they are lying. Men do it for women, you think men want to get bigger muscles in the gym for themselves? No, of course not, they do it for attention too and they take gym pics and gym videos and upload it online for attention as well.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2024-02-13T15:41:24+00:00

No. What kind or narcissist BS is that?

EDIT: it’s fine for girls, but I cannot imagine.

TRTGymBro · 2024-02-13T17:57:31+00:00

I read through most of the comments here and it is NO SURPRISE that so many men struggle romantically. As I always say: infinitely more men suffer from delusions of inadequacy than delusions of grandeur.

If you don't feel sexy for yourself, how do you expect other people to find you sexy? People are followers. They take cues from you on how to treat you. If you treat yourself like crap, so will they. Waiting on others to give you clues whether you should like yourself or not by liking you or disliking you first is a losing proposition. Like yourself first and others will follow.

ArguesAgainstYou · 2024-02-13T19:00:27+00:00

Is it a well known fact that women do this for themselves? Sounds like a rationalisation for liking the positive attention by men. Like even if your girlfriends are like "Wow, you're sexy today" don't they mean "a heterosexual guy would like you more like this"?

So no, I'd like to feel sexy but I'd like to feel sexy for female attention, not for myself.

TheGreatBeefSupreme · 2024-02-14T12:25:06+00:00

If I do, it’s because I know, on some level, that I feel good because I know I’m attractive to women.

There’s no such thing as someone wanting to feel sexy for only themselves, in my opinion.

krackedy · 2024-02-13T15:17:56+00:00

I generally don't put effort in to look sexy for anyone, let alone just for myself haha.

I don't even know what I do to look sexy. Not like I can do much with my hair or wear makeup or wear revealing clothes.

Most of what makes a guy sexy is more about attitude/vibes (looks too, but he's along as he's average. it's fine).

Lift_and_Lurk · 2024-02-13T15:32:04+00:00

“A cheap suit is just a cheap suit. But a nice suit will make you feel like a million bucks”

Icy-Sprinkles-638 · 2024-02-13T19:44:12+00:00

It's well known that women do our hair, nails, makeup, shave, wear sexy lingerie, show skin in a sexy outfit, put on high heels, etc FOR OURSELVES.

No you don't. Because all of those things are only sexy because that's what men as a whole find desirable. You wouldn't do a single one of those things if men didn't find them attractive. The entire concept of what is and is not sexy is rooted in the opposite sex so your premise is at its core bullshit.

DarayRaven · 2024-02-13T15:32:26+00:00

so you're just gonna chill at home by yourself... Do you put in effort to feel sexy?

Nah, l'm getting on the game

Playing some overwatch

mobjack · 2024-02-13T15:35:57+00:00

I put on pants and style my hair if I am home by myself. That is more for feeling productive than feeling sexy.

Clothes don't really make guys feel sexier outside of just being presentable.

If guys want to feel sexy by themselves, they will pose in the mirror.

DzejSiDi · 2024-02-13T16:06:07+00:00

Not exactly 'sexy', but sometimes I feel good just after grooming myself and checking difference in a mirror.

But I am slightly narcissistic.

AlmostKindaGreat · 2024-02-13T17:57:18+00:00

It never occurred to me to feel this way by myself.

If I look in the mirror and feel sexy it's because I'm about to go out where people will see me and looking good gives me a confidence boost.

Or if I step out of the shower and see myself in the mirror and notice some more definition in the abs I think the ladies will think this is hot.

In other words, it's a brief imagining of how other people will respond to me and enjoying the idea that it will be positive. I may look at myself and think that I look strong and feel proud of the work I put in. But I never feel sexy without an observer, or at least an imagined/predicted one.

Edit: Frankly I am skeptical that women don't feel some version of this. Lingerie, high heels, and shaving certain areas is sexy because we know they are sexy from experiencing our culture. It is the knowledge that you are doing something known to be considered attractive by other people that gives a feeling of being sexy, even if there is no specific person you are imagining. Maybe some have particular atypical turn ons, like putting on a burlap sack or wearing a pot on your head makes you feel hot. But for most it's the idea that if you were observed you would be viewed as attractive.

It is no coincidence that every single thing you mentioned is something that is culturally considered to make women more attractive in the West. If it were not tied to what other people thought and how they perceived you, you would have a unique list that are not all from the Top Ten Things That Make Women Sexy according to the general public.

abaxeron · 2024-02-13T18:03:41+00:00

If I'm alone by myself on the weekend at home, then I'm naked with just a towel wrapped around my waistline. What's the point in wearing out the clothes.

IronDBZ · 2024-02-13T18:09:11+00:00

If I'm not going anywhere? Absolutely not. I'm more vain than the average guy, but I'm not that vain.

But if I'm going somewhere to eat? And I can get away with dressing up?

I go all out. I love to see myself look good.

It's just a lot of effort with no real reward, because women generally don't do anything. You can look like Prince Charming or a sack of potatoes, the way you look doesn't move the needle.

It helps you get out of your own way if you come up to someone, but I don't tend to do that anyway.

MisterFunnyShoes · 2024-02-13T20:18:05+00:00

Lmao no. What you’re describing is female sexuality behavior.

-snickerss- · 2024-02-13T15:30:09+00:00

There isn't much you can do for yourself as a man.

Quiet_Firefighter_65 · 2024-02-13T18:24:26+00:00

Yeah, sometimes I just try on a few different outfits at midnight when I'm by myself. It's fun.

KayRay1994 · 2024-02-13T15:45:15+00:00

Sure - i don’t wear the clothes I do, flex in front of the mirror in my bathroom or admire myself for nothing. It’s a simple concept, you feel sexy, you feel good about yourself. You feel good about yourself, you’re in a great, or hell, even sometimes just a slightly better, mood. Simple as that.

Baezil · 2024-02-13T17:07:13+00:00

I'm guessing what you are getting at is the whole competing for status dynamic.

Doesn't it go something like... women traditionally competed for status with their looks, so you doing all that stuff to make yourself look better makes you feel higher status.

The corollary for men isn't looks though. It's competing for status through their endeavors like sports or their career and acquisition of currency/material goods.

These things kind of overlap some though with smaller subsets of each sex preferring the other. So some women are more into seeking status through endeavors/acquisition and some men are more into seeking status through looks.

Crimson-Pilled · 2024-02-13T15:49:58+00:00

Nope. It comes down to solipsism. Women are internally-oriented, men are externally-oriented. Or more cynically, women are the ends seeking their means, men are means seeking their ends. We can't feel a sense of accomplishment flexing in front of a mirror all day. Masculine confidence comes from succeeding in competition against other men, knowing the walk can back up the talk. For women, self-preservation is more important.

Acceptable-Truck3803 · 2024-02-13T15:51:55+00:00

Going out and being more than halfway decent ? I enjoy it. I enjoy clothes and textiles which are clean cut and very presentable. Please note I’m not a fan of being a walking billboard. I guess hidden luxury is my fashion type.

99% of the places I do frequent daily don’t require this unless I’m in customer and business meetings. Otherwise I can easily get around with a decent and good fitting pair of comfortable jeans + clean shoes + fitting clean T-shirt.

Shave weekly as i hate being a captain neck beard, standard oral health.

Overall I pretty much enjoy being clean cut. The maintenance doesn’t bother me at all. it also allows me to be presentable on a whim notice unlike folks who need 4 to 5 hours. Thus being spontaneous is my personality.

Proudvow · 2024-02-15T03:26:34+00:00

No. That is a waste of time I could be using to do something more productive instead.

That aside, it's extremely difficult for men to believably be "sexy" to begin with. The range of men who women truly consider sexy is a lot smaller than the reverse. Playing dress up for an audience of none isn't gonna make me a 6'3 buff guy.

Soloandthewookiee · 2024-02-13T15:48:04+00:00

Absolutely. I work from home and I still wear athletic cut T-shirts and a nice watch just because I like how I look.

Barely-moral · 2024-02-13T15:33:46+00:00

No. I hav never done it and I have never feel the need for it.

If not, why not?

Because any effort that does not result in a benefit is wasted time and energy.

Sure I make an effort to be presentable and attractive but I do that because that gets me a benefit. It changes the way others interact with me.

When I am at home by myself there is no benefit in spending time and effort into the way I look. The day will be exactly the same whether I do it or not. Well... slightly worse if I spent time and effort in something useless.

Legitimate_Type_1324 · 2024-02-13T15:42:53+00:00

Why do you think we go to the gym and flex in front of the mirror?

Siliconmage76 · 2024-02-13T16:11:18+00:00

It is true for this male. When I look good. I feel good. I like standing out from other men in the room with my own unique style. It acts like a magnet for female attention and compliments, which is a huge ego boost.

It doesn't even require that much effort or expense as a man to do so. Hell I just put together a bad ass outfit for a total of $17 from Goodwill and got mad compliments.

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TotalTravesty · 2024-02-13T15:37:20+00:00

For like the split second I was in the best shape of my life, I tried. I don’t think there are as many options for men as there are for women. And men aren’t conditioned to think of themselves as “sexy.” But when I didn’t feel compelled to wear whatever basic crap would cover my body, I did explore more creative options.

But really, as has already been said, male “sexiness” is more in mindset than appearance. What I thought of myself far surpassed any wardrobe or grooming accessory I could get (though I was also more deliberate in my grooming). That’s why people keep preaching confidence to men who don’t want to hear it. The sexiest thing a man can do for anyone is to believe he himself is sexy.

untamed-italian · 2024-02-13T15:42:20+00:00

In general, vanity makes me feel like I am wasting my life and will never do the things I want to do.

But sometimes when I know I will be alone and other things have knocked me out of my routine... I'll dress up. Shave. Do the whole process of putting myself together. But not to look in the mirror, the process itself tends to help me get back in my routines.

Never really thought about doing any of that just to feel good about myself. If I want to feel good about myself I'll lift or make something creative or spend time with friends

silverhippo15 · 2024-02-13T16:22:32+00:00

I don't have to do anything to be sexy. I'm good.

ArmariumEspada · 2024-02-13T16:31:17+00:00

Sometimes I look in the mirror and my hair looks good or I feel handsome when wearing a certain suit or outfit. Is that what you mean?

TRTGymBro · 2024-02-13T17:25:21+00:00

HTML_Novice · 2024-02-13T17:45:46+00:00

I put tons of effort into my appearance, I put tons of effort into discovering what women like ( fashion, hair styles, the way my voice sounds ).

No, I don’t do it for myself, why would I? That’s dumb. I do it all to be sexy to women, that’s the goal. I want to attract pretty women

PMmeareasontolive · 2024-02-13T17:58:26+00:00

No because sexy for a man is appearing like a fucking viking and being ready to defend yourself at all times from everyone and killing half your personality in order to put up a stoic masculine front.

It isn't comfy or sexy to us personally.

jpla86 · 2024-02-13T19:03:23+00:00

There's absolutely nothing sexy about me. Any effort I put into my appearance doesn't mean shit. Looking in the mirror is a challenge in itself.

And it's funny because women would 'ick' at the thought of a man calling himself sexy. They all have this strange aversion to a man who thinks he looks good.

raldabos · 2024-02-13T19:24:33+00:00

No, they way I feel better with myself is fixing/creating/improving stuff, is almost as if women are usually the ones who put more importance on physicial appereance.🤔 But don't point that out!.

shadowrangerfs · 2024-02-13T19:29:09+00:00

No. Never. Not once in my entire life.

I question how many women are really doing those things for themselves. Do all that dress up and don't go out and don't post any photos of it. I don't buy it.

operatowers · 2024-02-13T19:30:10+00:00

No, because that seems like a lot of effort for nothing.

If I'm going to be home all day I won't even shave or brush my hair. Just brush my teeth and a quick shower.

Because who am I trying to impress? Myself? I already know I look somewhere between a 3 and a 5 based on effort.

SlowEffective8146 · 2024-02-13T19:44:37+00:00

I don't see a purpose if I'm home alone. There's nobody to impress.

Wattehfok · 2024-02-13T19:47:24+00:00

Just occasionally I look in the mirror and don’t hate my body. Does that count?

Yongaia · 2024-02-13T20:14:16+00:00

No.

However there is a certain vibe I prefer to give off even if sitting at home by myself. I like wearing robes for this very reason.

Friedrich_Friedson · 2024-02-13T21:01:48+00:00

Yeah

I will style myself so that what I'm seeing in the mirror is something i like. Same with my body etc.

It all boils down to how i want to look for me

ArtifactFan65 · 2024-02-13T22:17:59+00:00

I'm not tall and don't have a six pack so there's no point in trying to artificially inflate my appearance with add-ons

NuttintoCHear · 2024-02-13T22:18:48+00:00

Well I’ll start by saying that I am 100% NOT an attractive person.

That being said, I do fancy up every so often just to feel a little better about my butterface

Spyro7x3 · 2024-02-13T23:29:29+00:00

Insane question. No, either I am sexy or I'm not and it depends on the women that may or may not find me attractive.

For men being sexy is just being the most masculine version of yourself in MOST cases, some women like gays and Kpop dudes who spend times on their looks but for the most part a guy is just chilling at his peak sexiness at all times.

The difference is that women consider glamour to be sexy but to a man a woman sexiness just depends on what she's willing to do for you. Mens sexiness is based mostly on authenticity its less performative than womens sexiness

For instance a guy in uniform is super sexy for a lot of women IF he's actually got a reason to wear it, its all based on authenticity. Dudes who work at the Grocery store and wear suits casually are considered weirdos.

And yet for women all she has to do is dress like the stripper she doesn't need to actually be one and we consider her of equal attractiveness. At the end of the day womens glamour is kinda just fake but that's not necessarily bad its just the way it is

Eastoss · 2024-02-14T01:15:56+00:00

I don't need to feel sexy for myself I need to feel proud. That means achieve something, learn something, be good at something, win a competition....

The closest there is to what you're talking of is lifting weights to look beefy.

2024-02-14T14:29:50+00:00

It's quite sad that so many men don't feel this way. Personally, I don't have a body that will be attractive to the majority of women, but I still like to think that I'm unconventionally attractive, and I do want to dress up simply to feel good about myself. I don't need women to find me attractive, I don't care if the way I dress up turns off women, all I need is to feel that I'm attractive to my own eyes.

thisreallyisnotok · 2024-02-14T21:17:33+00:00

To balance it out, I do this. I dress up for no reason a lot.

Being overdressed can often be a flex.

Tokimonatakanimekat · 2024-02-14T21:58:15+00:00

Can't even imagine feeling sexy at that dwarf height

ThrowawayHomesch · 2024-02-16T02:43:40+00:00

I am a man and I relate 0% with this. The only thing that makes me feel sexy is a woman wanting to have sex with me…

Title	Q4M: Do you ever want to feel sexy just for yourself?
Author	Windmill_flowers
Upvotes	1
Comments	295
Date	February 13, 2024 3:11 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1apvput/q4m_do_you_ever_want_to_feel_sexy_just_for/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4m-do-you-ever-want-to-feel-sexy-just-for.1245309 https://theredarchive.com/post/1245309

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