What is something in a woman’s control that makes her higher value to you?

Solondthewookiee · 2025-01-16T21:54:55+00:00

Being fit, being ambitious and successful, making me laugh, being a nerd.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2025-01-16T21:56:37+00:00

Kindness and relatability. From the first time i met my wife I noticed she had this way of making you feel comfortable and easy to talk to just and easy vibe.

It’s not hard for her to just meet someone at an event or on a plane and by the end the person feels like they just made a new friend.

Haej07 · 2025-01-17T04:09:37+00:00

Kindness, respect, empathy, gratitude, dare I be greedy and ask for enthusiasm and affirmation? Don’t be grossly obese.

Seriously if you can be a decent ‘friend’ to a man that’s 90% of the relationship and I put it in quotes because I know somebody is going to try to strawman that otherwise. That doesn’t mean that you have to come play pick up basketball and chest bump me but there’s clearly (typically) a self initiated boundary people establish for their friends on how well they should treat them. Oddly I find that I have to remind women that I’m a human being in a relationship too. That I have desires and feelings just as deep as them, it has also been my experience that this repulses them. I’m not just taking this off experience I’m taking this from every terrible dating advice / misused therapy terminology video created by women for women that is forced into my social media algorithms.

DietTyrone · 2025-01-16T22:55:20+00:00

Her exes. Water finds it's own level. Who a women chooses to be with tells you about her as well. If a women says a bunch of negative things about her exes or men she's been with, that's a major red flag.
Empathy. How she treats and talks about others. I like a woman whose nurturing and kind.
Self control. Should be someone who thinks before she acts. Not just talking about sex but also not saying thing that could come off the wrong way mindlessly, and not obese. Can work with slightly chubby if she has a good personality and willing to hit the gym with me. Add not having kids outside of wedlock to this list.
Accountability. Doesn't immediately blame everyone else when things go wrong, assuming she participated in those events.

Inevitable-Log9197 · 2025-01-17T03:49:32+00:00

Being smart, interesting and open-minded. I want a partner that can initiate engaging conversations themselves, not just react.

RapaxIII · 2025-01-17T14:51:32+00:00

Not letting politics dictate everything you do. My relationship is larger than that

MaxDureza · 2025-01-16T22:19:03+00:00

Weight. Just being thin almost automatically put you in the top 20%.

Tywinlol2 · 2025-01-16T21:51:57+00:00

Character. Be honest, consistent and kind.

Combatenjoyer23 · 2025-01-16T22:17:06+00:00

Be level headed and recognize when you are being overly emotional/unreasonable.

LoopyPro · 2025-01-16T22:22:53+00:00

Not making my life more chaotic by being kind, not being adversarial, being able to control her emotions, etc. When I come home after a long day of work, I don't want to deal with another boss.

Her taking good care of her body and dressing up nicely will increase sexual satisfaction, which is beneficial for the relationship.

If I suck at a certain household task, it would be nice if she excels at it. By returning the favor, we can compliment each other.

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shadowrangerfs · 2025-01-17T10:28:38+00:00

High value isn't the right term to use here. "High value" means that you are in demand but in short supply.

But to answer the question anyway, stay in shape, be drug free, treat me well, be honest, loyal and faithful.

Artistic_Speech_1965 · 2025-01-17T15:39:16+00:00

I don't like the term high value but I will say, a nerdy girl with a kind heart and who can make me laugh is great. No need to be the most intelligent person in the room. If you're open minded and can exchange intellectually you're high value and hot as f.

awakening_7600 · 2025-01-16T21:51:01+00:00

First priority is controlling your mental health. I feel more women i meet than don't do NOT have their mental health in check. Most commonly, unmanaged anxiety they try to find their answer to in the bottom of a bottle on the weekend, depression either about recent events, current results of your life, or failed promises, and certainly not last, a version of BPD. I call it "camera syndrome" for a lot of reasons. Essentially, you are not the person you act like when someone's watching.

Secondly, judgement. I see way too many women who are far too comfortable with needlessly judging men and certainly their partners. I do not want to hear from my girlfriend or wife on how my hobby is a time suck or a money suck. Are you happy? Do you have the clothes you like? Are the bills paid? Do we cuddle every night on the couch with a cooked meal? Do you have time for your hobbies? Are the kids doing well?

If the answer is yes to all of those which it is more often than not, i don't want to fucking hear it. I like my race car in the garage and if you can't handle me racing it on a Saturday night 10 times a year, you're not for me.

Quiet_Firefighter_65 · 2025-01-17T03:36:03+00:00

Being warm and kind, being responsible and accountable, being fit, having a low body count, dressing modestly.

Luigis-Biggest-Fan · 2025-01-17T02:42:17+00:00

Being fit, kind, and chaste.

KamuiObito · 2025-01-16T22:53:12+00:00

Nothing. Pure luck of the draw.

0kayz00mer · 2025-01-17T02:23:50+00:00

The women I've dated historically have always been much more desirable and attractive than the women I normally get chances and attention from. A desirable woman with realistic standards that gives chances to more average men will be very high value to those men and more worthy of serious long term consideration vs just another mediocre option.

Clean-Luck6428 · 2025-01-17T09:18:58+00:00

Understands “high culture” and acts with class.

A woman with class is elegant and will take the air out of the room…. But she is not gaudy nor does she try to draw attention to herself. She gets the attention by being effortless. And when she does put in “effort” toward something it is deliberate and with grace and poise.

She has a decent grasp on world history, art, literature and film. She is a conscious consumer and is not enveloped by pop culture.

She is worldly and has an expansive palate. She eats healthy and not disordered. Consumes alcohol/smokes (if she does) in moderation and displays self control. Doesn’t get sloppy.

Has humility and can have an argument without becoming overwhelmed. She can stand her ground with people she disagrees with without losing her cool: especially around other men. Relentlessly authentic and feels no peer pressure to conform. Sting’s lyrics about being a man I think also apply to being a classy woman:

“If “manners maketh man” as someone said He’s the hero of the day It takes a man to suffer ignorance and smile Be yourself no matter what they say.

Confront your enemies, avoid them when you can A gentleman will walk but never run”

She sets clear and healthy boundaries that delineate her relationship with you from friends and family. She treats the couple as a unit.

She dresses well. While it need not be modest, she needs self awareness. You do not wear a mini skirt in the middle of winter or at least not without tights or pantyhose. You look stupid. And you can also dress sexy without looking like a bimbo. The shitty Chinese instagram dresses don’t fit anyone’s bodies. Can be trendy, but also has to have some timeless fashion.

Do I want a woman to act like that all the time? No. Do I want a woman who knows how to act this way? Yes

GKilat · 2025-01-17T20:00:12+00:00

The more compatible we are and have things in common, the higher the value she is to me. For example, I am open to what people would say are supernatural so a partner interested and open to it is a fun and compatible one. When it comes to physical attributes, I am not shy to say I like beautiful women in general. Busty and for some reason I like shoulder length hair women.

Klutzy_Charge9130 · 2025-01-17T21:05:18+00:00

Be interesting.

DiligentRope · 2025-01-17T22:15:13+00:00

Body count

catdog8020 · 2025-01-18T07:34:43+00:00

I was gonna say have sex with me a lot lol 😂

ta06012022 · 2025-01-16T21:56:59+00:00

College educated and financially independent

In shape

Well informed

Reliable

Good sense of humor

Good taste

edit- Rethinking this, I’m not sure if sense of humor is necessarily something a person can fully control, so maybe I would cross it off the list. That’s why I didn’t list intelligence. It’s not really controllable.

Parrotsandarmadillos · 2025-01-16T22:42:55+00:00

Being sweet and chill. Women who are high energy and super extroverted really aren’t my thing.

Spirited_Cod260 · 2025-01-17T05:31:28+00:00

A pretty woman with an education and career >>> broke ass pretty woman.

DumbWordsmith · 2025-01-16T22:02:34+00:00

I don't care about cooking, because I really enjoy cooking and don't eat a typical diet.

So other than that, probably the following:

Develop a warm personality
Practice humility
Prioritize health
Kick the social media addiction
Have interests outside of gossiping, makeup, and shopping

19whale96 · 2025-01-16T23:19:14+00:00

Intelligence and decisiveness. I gotta trust she can make good choices without my input.

growframe · 2025-01-17T00:47:36+00:00

Staying in shape is obvious. Fitness makes anyone, man or woman, more attractive.

Being in control of your emotions and knowing when sublety is required.

But that doesn't necessarily mean being meek and agreeable all the time. It's a balance between being subtle and somewhat reserved while still being self-assured, knowledgeable and generally independant.

Being able to pull off coherent looks and styles is good too. I'm no fashionista and it doesn't have to be super elaborate but the way I've seen some women dress and style themselves is just baffling.

Then there's some "character creator" aesthetic traits that are ultimately just down to preference. Stuff like some guys liking blondes, or brunettes or redhead etc. having hobbies that the guy relates to, facial features etc.

I don't think being a cook is all that high up on the list. It can't hurt but it's not something I'd be on the lookout for.

wtknight · 2025-01-17T01:05:00+00:00

Having a pleasant personality. Women can control when they smile and when they don't and how they treat their partners.

AssPlay69420 · 2025-01-17T05:55:20+00:00

We’re the princesses that need saving these days.

Schleudergang1400 · 2025-01-17T08:48:10+00:00

Learning to control and regulate her emotions.

Reading non-fiction that inspires her to start interesting conversations or add to them

have a daily social media screentime of <30m

drop the "passenger princess" attitude and contribute meaningfully

learning to have good posture

becoming fine with me making out with other women

Anti_Thing · 2025-01-19T08:02:46+00:00

-As you said, good cook & in shape are obvious

-Devoutly Christian in the same way I am (many of the following points are directly related to or at least correlated with this point)

-Similar political beliefs to me (so hard-right compared to society around us)

-Wants a big family, wants to be a SAHM

-Virgin (unless she was raped, I obviously won't hold that against her)

-Like to be treated like a lady BUT not greedy or materialistic

-no hard drugs, no psychedelics, never gets drunk

-Absolutely no smoking, especially not marijuana

-Doesn't identify as feminist, doesn't put pronouns in bio

-Classy in every way

-Loves and respects her own culture

-Doesn't deny major genocides such as the Holocaust, Holodomor, Armenian Genocide, or Trail of Tears

-No or few tattoos, no or few piercings (except for earrings & rings in 1 nostril, those are cool)

-Short hair, good dress sense

-Nerdy/intellectual type BUT doesn't look down on people without uni or college degrees

-Not on tons of psychiatric meds

ExternalBarracuda292 · 2025-01-19T22:03:57+00:00

One of the most significant ones is being fun to be around. As I've noted previously in other posts, one thing that guys overwhelmingly want in a partner is for her also to be a good friend (largely because most men don't have many friends, so they want their girlfriend to also fulfill the "close friend" role).

Of course, "being fun" is kind of vague. It's essentially a collection of many different personality traits, some of which are controllable and some aren't.

One of the most directly controllable ones is to generally try to have a positive outlook. People generally enjoy the company of people who are positive and upbeat rather than dour and complain a lot. Obviously, certain external factors may impact your mental state in ways that cause negativity, but there are a lot of good resources out there on how to improve your overall mental wellbeing and be more positive that will significantly increase your charisma.

Another one that is somewhat controllable is to be open to trying new things. Men generally like women who like things that they like. Obviously, you can't force yourself to like something, people have different interests and even men can tell if someone is not really having a good time. But there's a ton of different things out there and your partner will almost certainly have some interests that you haven't been exposed to before. It's completely possible that you might try something out and not like it, but they'll probably appreciate that you at least made the effort. By the way, this goes both ways. Guys will typically be happy to be included in something you like since it shows them you value their friendship.

KissMyAsthma-99 · 2025-01-20T19:52:00+00:00

Being fit, happy, adventurous, amorous, and peaceful.

giveuporfindaway · 2025-01-17T02:18:44+00:00

Wow an actually practical thread.

Women mostly need to STOP doing things.

They don't even need to DO things.

Here's a STOP list:

STOP destroying your natural skin with ugly drawings called tattoos.
STOP having metal shit implanted in your face.
STOP eating shit.
STOP fucking a lot of men.
STOP getting pregnant.

Wow a whole five things every woman can do by literally just being born.

Here's a DO list:

DO lift weights.
DO cardio.
DO wear high heels. Not 1" heels.
DO grow long hair.
DO wear dresses or skirts only.
DO wear makeup.
DO learn to cook.

Goonerlouie · 2025-01-16T21:36:03+00:00

Confidence. You can show confidence in what you wear.

A good cook is over rated. Maybe I’m different but that would be towards the bottom of my sought after traits

Pro-IDGAF · 2025-01-16T21:43:30+00:00

likes to cook and well kept is about all thats under your control. even career stuff is hard to improve on since its a personal thing in what you do but atleast be motivated in contributing. the amount doesnt matter all that much, just do your best.

if she was a slob and didnt shower but had everything else, i’d pass.

if she was a horrible cook, i can live with that, i cook. but as long as she can learn to be my sous chef.

everything else is internal.

ArmorAbsMrKrabs · 2025-01-17T01:13:20+00:00

Being fit, intelligence, and having open-mindedness and empathy.

Although I'd say being fit on its own is not enough. There are women who are fit that I don't really find that attractive. But a woman more than very slightly overweight is almost always unattractive to me.

FuuraKafu · 2025-01-17T11:40:10+00:00

A willingness to listen to men's struggles, having empathy for male sexlesness specifically, and a willingness to accept that women are generalizable and put pressure on men.

Yea, I'm going for a life of celibacy.

Doesthisevenmatter7 · 2025-01-16T21:36:22+00:00

Being a good cook, being in shape, being pleasant to be around all in a women’s full control. This next one is in your control but difficult, providing value that another cannot/will not provide.

Now I can’t really describe that one cause it would be on individual circumstances but providing a value that others wouldn’t goes a crazy long way. A personal example is I’m applying to grad school my girlfriend read through all my applications, helped me edit them, did mock interviews with me etc. She didn’t have to do that but she knew it was important to me and you best believe i appreciated it beyond belief.

LapazGracie · 2025-01-16T23:33:17+00:00

Don't be fat.

Be fit.

Know how to dress.

Know how to apply make up (too much is bad as well).

Be feminine.

abaxeron · 2025-01-16T22:45:25+00:00

Being a good, enthusiastic, thankful, attentive lover.

Dry-Ad3452 · 2025-01-16T23:02:59+00:00

Promiscuity and dressing modestly are both well within a woman’s control, and I certainly hold a woman who does both in higher regard.

funfacts_82 · 2025-01-17T10:41:13+00:00

Not being obese, being useful and generally being a net positive in my life.

M3taBuster · 2025-01-16T22:03:28+00:00

Yeah, I'd second being a good cook and staying in shape. To elaborate on that latter one, specifically not being fat, and also I think a lot of women could benefit from heavy weightlifting, particularly with a lower-body focused routine.

I'd also add sexual modesty, keeping piercings and tattoos to a minimum, growing your hair long, styling it in a way that's flattering, and keeping it a natural color, adopting hobbies that are popular with men (like video games, anime, TTRPGs, cars, sports, etc.), being kind, pleasant, and non-argumentative. Idk to what extent values and beliefs are within your control, but the political divide between men and women is real, and if a woman was willing to be open-minded, hear out opposing views, and deradicalize/distance herself from far-left politics, she'd have more options in men.

Obviously different men have different preferences, but I can comfortably say that if a woman made all those changes, she'd have broader appeal.

SilentFroggy · 2025-01-17T17:09:28+00:00

Saving her virginity and making men wait

MisterFunnyShoes · 2025-01-17T01:31:43+00:00

Being fit and loyalty

Advanced-Ad8490 · 2025-01-17T06:53:00+00:00

I had a girl who was an amazing cook. It was amazing. But her food ruined my health and routines. So my answer now is only fitness and helping my routines or atleast just let me be so I can focus.

Would also be great if she helped with finances but then I feel I would be asking for too much. 😅

Being fun, pleasant and adventurous is super important. Positive energy and attitude.

Now I am currently very sexually adventurous party person and would like a girl who can participate in that. I want to capitalize on my amazing fitness and finance after all.

So basically I want poly/swinger a baddie who's also rich 😅

nightcall379 · 2025-01-18T02:37:16+00:00

Being a virgin, and having a "non-promiscuous" personality

Meaning, she shows personality traits of not being likely to become promiscuous in the future

A woman's sexual past is by far the highest priority for all men

Those men who say they don't care are lying, since they understand that they're not high value enough to attain a high value woman anyways

TheGloriousEv0lution · 2025-01-16T23:47:00+00:00

To qualify as a basic adult: relatively in shape, respectful, can cook

You don’t have to be Sydney Sweeney but you should take care of yourself. Being respectful to others is basic, knowing when to say thank you goes so far for a man. Lastly - man or woman - you should be a decent cook. It’s good that women no longer feel obligated to cook, but you have to be able to do more than air fry chicken nuggets and fries as a grown ass adult

High value qualities: kind, modest, good emotion regulation, can communicate, honesty

These are straightforward, but you’d be surprised how few women meet these criteria

babazuki · 2025-01-17T00:00:30+00:00

Listening when other people speak would be good. I'm not sure about that being in a woman's control tho

Intelligent-Scar8042 · 2025-01-17T02:29:37+00:00

Being charming and funny is not within a man’s control. What a ridiculous idea like we are all video game characters that can turn our charisma scale up at will. Delusional view of personality and persona human development.

James_M_Croft · 2025-01-17T19:39:58+00:00

Weight. (none is asking you to be fit, just not a blob).
Be pleasant (or if not, at least quiet)
Be peaceful (it doesn't take much to not blow up every time some minor adversity shows up).

Title	What is something in a woman’s control that makes her higher value to you?
Author	operajunkie
Upvotes	24
Comments	240
Date	January 16, 2025 9:25 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1i2ztbb/what_is_something_in_a_womans_control_that_makes/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-is-something-in-a-womans-control-that-makes.1541394 https://theredarchive.com/post/1541394

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