Guys who say “I want to REALLY be desired” and “I just want consistency” often reveal that they see relationships as the cost of sex, not the goal itself.

And before the inevitable “ugh, you always assume the worst about men”, men here should try presenting themselves better.

For example: I recently had a conversation with a guy who accused me of strawmanning. Instead of saying something reasonable like “most men prefer not to be stepdads,” he said “men don’t want women with baggage like kids or trauma” and then denied dehumanizing children, even though he literally compared them to luggage. You can’t expect women to sympathize with you when your framing makes it sound like you want to use and manipulate women, not love them.

Now let’s look at another argument I hear, basically:

This is an insane framing.

Imagine trying to shame women for wanting to get to know a man before sleeping with him, and insisting that if she doesn’t want to have sex with a stranger, she must not be attracted to him.Also, that men lack self-respect for sticking around, as if a woman taking time to build trust is some humiliating ordeal for men to endure. Huge red flag if your sense of respect depends on women knowing less about you before sleeping with you.

Then there’s the whole “I just want consistency” line—which is also bullshit. If you want a hookup, just say you want a hookup. Otherwise you come off manipulative, pretending to want a relationship when you clearly find dating itself tedious. You are not interested in a relationship if you see getting to know someone as an obstacle instead of the point.

This comes off as seeing relationships as work and sex is the payment. And it’s funny seeing guys saying “I’d be fine if she made other guys wait” because it doesn’t make them look better. They look insecure as hell trying to find validation in vaginas. Men, are you benchmarking your self-worth against other men’s "access" to her body? If you’re fine with waiting, who cares if she had hookups in the past and changed her mind now? Sounds like you weren’t actually dating her because you wanted a relationship, which is most likely the point of her waiting to have sex. 

If dating women is truly that dreadful, perhaps it's time to give that up.