Non redpill individuals what advice would you give to an average dude having trouble with women

poppy_blu · 2021-07-21T20:38:09+00:00

Stay off Reddit

CHOLO_ORACLE · 2021-07-21T19:39:44+00:00

Get in shape. This can be difficult given your employment/financial circumstances but the truth of the world is that being healthy is attractive. I'm not saying you need to be cut up at 5% body fat but you ought to be able to help your friends move without getting winded. Even if you don't necessarily think it's important for relationships, do it for yourself. Cheaper in the long run (especially when healthcare is a mess in this country)
Bathe regularly. Groom yourself. Take good care of your teeth. I feel like this doesn't need saying but boy, do people surprise me.
Learn to dress yourself. Easier said than done, I know. This will require experimentation and a lot of feedback from your friends. Learn to take joy in this experimentation - fashion is a playground, and while we might be aiming to achieve something with our play, ultimately we must learn to enjoy engaging in it, otherwise we will never put in the practice to get good at it.
Engage in hobbies. Not just ones that you think will impress people, but ones you yourself enjoy and are excited about. If all your hobbies are indoor nerd hobbies, maybe try something new out for a change.
People can smell desperation from a mile away. Learn to accept that not every social interaction will end with you as the star, nor will they all end with you as a complete fuck up. A lot of the time social interactions will be very ho-hum, and this is ok.
Don't just focus on talking to people you're interested in when you go out (whatever this means for you) - talk to everyone. In order to cultivate an easy casualness and confidence you must exercise your sociability. If people in general find you amicable, your interest in particular will likely find you amicable as well.
Don't feel as if you always need to know everything or need to always behave smoothly. We all make mistakes during the course of social engagement and being able to acknowledge and improve upon ones own missteps is a sign of emotional intelligence that people respect.
Be desirous. By this I don't mean be sexual. I mean think about the attributes and qualities of this person you are attracted to and express (preferably in plain language) your appreciation or desire of it. Their conversation, their charm, their humor, their point of view, their skills, and so on. Your body will likely be subtly (and subconsciously) communicating romantic interest in a number of ways, no need to clumsily hammer the point with overt sexual advances when simple desire will do.
Learn to cook from scratch. You don't need to have that many recipes in your repertoire - I'd argue that learning and focusing on a few dishes, learning to make them properly, with quality ingredients, and panache, is superior to learning to make a wide variety of dishes. Note that one of the things you learn to make should be a dessert.

Note also that I can give this advice without once bringing weird sexism into it. I didn't even explicitly name a gender.

parahacker · 2021-07-21T19:03:52+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Local-Coast3182 · 2021-07-21T21:51:52+00:00

Yes, all the stuff that TRP wants their new members to start with is just tried and true self-help advice, they want you to start with it because it works, and then you will be more inclined to believe their crazier theories. I'm a guy by the way, but the advice works for women too. Both genders like fit and healthy people who have boundaries and know what they want.

ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2021-07-21T20:08:51+00:00

I am a man and I'm not RP. But some of the advice i will give overlaps.

First and foremost, if you are underweight, eat more. If you are overweight, eat less; exercise at least 3 days a week and preferably daily. 72% of American men are fat, and only 20.7% exercise at the level the FDA recommends. Fat men are unattractive. Plain and simple. Skimpy men are unattractive. Plain and simple. If your body looks bad, why should anyone trust your mind?
Do more social things. If you're extroverted, great, you're already doing things. But if you're introverted, you have to fake it. you have to pretend to enjoy going to clubs, bars, baseball games, concerts, raves, whatever. That's where you meet people - both friends AND potential dates. Confidence comes along with this, the more people you talk to the easier it will come to you.
Get the FUCK off of Online Dating, where only 4% of women participate. This is where i deviate from RP strongly -- saying AWALT is actually true! But true... In what population sample? Oh, yes. In the high sociosexual women they go after. In the online daters, and the hookup queens. Disregard tinder and other OLD, it's a sausage fest and hooker fest.
Work on your career and intellectual pursuits. Quit gaming. Quit it yesterday. Pick up BJJ, MMA, chess, reading/book clubs, hell, anything that involves other people IN PERSON. This includes career, to maximize dating success being a software engineer who WFH is a shoddy career choice. Get an MBA and go in to engineering management, etc.

Those are some initial steps that will help with dating, they aren't a panacea, but since you self describe as average, I'm imagining an average face and average height, as well as average net worth. If you're not horrifically bad on any of those then following those above steps will get you much more success than you have now.

Start with diet and exercise.

Feisty-Saturn · 2021-07-21T18:56:18+00:00

I feel like the advice you like from redpill is also given in dating advice subreddit. But often I think the advice is not worded in the way it’s worded on TRP.

For me I would say make yourself valuable to the women you want to date.

I feel like I often see men who complain on Reddit about expecting a woman to just accept them with their flaws. And if she doesn’t then she’s a shitty individual. Why would you want to be with someone who isn’t making and effort in their life? Why should a woman settle for that? Would you settle for that in a woman? And if the answer is yes then you need to increase your self worth because you should be dating someone that brings the same thing to the table as you.

I would also say be independent. Men often talk about how women want someone rich. I saw some stat on this subreddit that said people actually date within their economic class. Unless you want someone who is dependent on you to take care of them make sure you are well off to be able to get someone who is also independent.

TotalTravesty · 2021-07-21T19:49:19+00:00

Mind the company you keep. If all your friends are chronically miserable and unsuccessful, you will be too.

LaurenLayla · 2021-07-22T02:45:00+00:00

Don't come here that is for sure. At twenty I've dated three times and had sex once.

Being funny and in good shape is a must

Goals, I don't want a bum who just sits on the couch

Interesting, nothing makes me less interested than someone who can't hold a conversation about anything

That is about it. I'm not looking for a alpha, nor the opposite. A normal guy who is cute and funny.

flamingoinghome · 2021-07-21T20:29:51+00:00

So first of all, an "average virgin man in his early 20s" first needs to face at least one thing: he's not average. At least in this department. Average age of virginity loss is 17. This fellow is a late bloomer, and he ought to own up to that. It'll give him perspective.

I'd tell him to socialize more. Even when it sounds lame. Even when he's tired. Even when he doesn't want to. It'll take time. Maybe even a lot of time. But most men don't have a big enough social circle, and could use more friends. Try and find a social activity you enjoy, and can even be passionate about--a sport, a music scene, building things, art, whatever.

I'd tell him to find someone he admires, someone charming, someone cool, and try to act like you think this person would act in situations where he might otherwise feel awkward. Just literally imitation.

I'd tell him to avoid swipe apps--if he must use one, make it Hinge or Bumble, never Tinder or, heavens forfend, POF.

I'd tell him to ask women on dates. If you get to chatting with a woman and she seems kind of cool, ask for her number and ask her on a date. If she says no, shrug it off--many others out there. If she says yes, go somewhere casual, but nice--like a friendly neighborhood pub, or a family-run ethnic restaurant. Tell her she looks nice when she arrives.

Look for women you have stuff in common with--a shared hobby, or you went to the same school, or you have friends in common. Do not obsess over weird meat markets.

If you're bold, consider joining the kink scene and going to their happy hours. You won't be judged; all kinds of sexualities are welcome in that scene.

SaBahRub · 2021-07-21T19:02:09+00:00

All red pill advice was already present and utilized prior to its adoption

reluctantly_red · 2021-07-21T19:17:56+00:00

Don't be fat. Nobody likes fat guys. Fat women get passes. Fat guys don't.

SuperSupremeKai · 2021-07-21T19:08:15+00:00

mAn Up, tAkE a ShOwEr, DrEsS wElL aNd GrOoM yOuR hAiR.

Go To A gYm, GeT bUfF, etc

AntifaSuperSwoledier · 2021-07-21T19:18:39+00:00

Don't be fat. Get braces and take care of your teeth. Don't let yourself go bald. Lift and get muscular. Don't stop your education at high school, go for a master's degree minimum.

Learn hobbies women are involved in and get really good at them. Do enough interesting and exciting things to make yourself a very interesting person: travel a lot, live in a foreign country, learn a new language to fluency. Learn improv, comedy or some kind of performance art.

Don't drink, don't smoke, don't take drugs.

For Tinder: take a lot of selfies and put them on a photo rating app. Pick the best photos for your profile.

DatingVX · 2021-07-21T20:17:22+00:00

To be honest, Red-pill or not, I do believe our overthinking and analyzing this shit is our main problem at the moment. Regardless if attractive people have more success quicker, social awkwardness and not having the balls to even approach is a bigger issue. Even as a 6/10.

I remember back when I wasn't as good-looking as now I got girls purely from approaching the ones that looked my way, in class, at work fast with no fear. Just striking convos with no purpose in the beginning. The game, to keep them comes after.

John_Oakman · 2021-07-21T20:25:11+00:00

Coming from a place of not privilege (being technically a first generation immigrant and east Asian), my advice would be to focus on financial and economic stability until that's achieved and by that time you're probably not so driven by testosterone, which means that the prospects of becoming a beta providers doesn't look as bad.

At that point there's plenty of single mothers ex hoes that would like to latch onto a beta provider, and go from there...

The truth is some, if not most males, just don't have that raw sexual attraction. But with enough money he can still fulfill social obligations and provide for those in more unfortunate financial and economic circumstances.

Luciansleep · 2021-07-21T20:25:54+00:00

Learn what clothes fits you best and dress better.

Get into the gym and you don’t have to look like a gym rat but 3 times a week could be enough.

Take care of your skin

Learn how to talk to ANYONE

Learn what you like and don’t like Anna partner and vet for that

Don’t be a pushover but do be kind to people

Learn to let a woman come to you at her own pace

Be more social. Talk and make friends with people

Be driven towards a job and hobby

Vet for friends and make great connections with them.

TheMailmanic · 2021-07-21T21:34:39+00:00

This is what that punching morpheus sub tried to do and it failed miserably

Why?

Because most of trp advice actually works (not all tho)

beigesun · 2021-07-21T21:38:00+00:00

Ex redpill here, find a hobby that’s active if u absolutely can’t stand the gym. Recently I’ve discovered rec soccer, great cardio & way to meet people

helloiamheretohelp · 2021-07-21T22:39:29+00:00

Probably the best ‘non-redpill’ advice for your situation is to get on dating apps. If you manage to get dates off it, it allows you a low-social-risk environment to get more comfortable expressing your sexuality/hitting on women/the mating dance.

It’s too high-risk to learn this within a closed social circle environment. You will fuck up a few times (basically by hitting on someone who isn’t into you — by the way, for clarity, no means no and a pressured yes also means no) which craters your status in the group. Also in the group you have to operate in the subtext and can’t express your sexuality openly, which for me was a big step in terms of getting comfortable and then learning to operate smoothly in that subtext.

Ballface8020 · 2021-07-22T02:54:04+00:00

Oh man, I dunno. It *really* depends on the guy and why he is struggling. Not all guys who are struggling romantically are struggling for the same reasons.

However, I would say that RP advice is going to lead most men to *less* success with women. I'm not talking about morality, I just don't think RP tactics are going going to be effective for the most part. Absolutely don't simp and don't be a pushover and maybe even be a bit more assertive about what you want if necessary, but there is a difference between that and going full blown RP, which I believe will be counterproductive.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2021-07-22T02:54:18+00:00

First of all what woman do you want to get?

Then figure out what that woman would look for in a guy

Try to be that guy

Find out where the type of women you want to meet would most likely be

Go there

Don't be a doormat. If the juice isn't worth the squeeze leave.

*before someone accuses me of leaving out attractiveness. Proximity gets you into the neighborhood. Making the looks threshold gets you in the door. Personality let's you stay.

techr0nin · 2021-07-22T06:26:06+00:00

In order of importance:

Be attractive.
Be tall.
Be strong.
Be lean.
Be confident.
Be not bald.
Be funny.
Be rich.
Be stylish.
Be clean.

Some of them you can’t change. Some of them you can improve. Mostly it’s about getting past the initial attraction filter.

Algoresball · 2021-07-22T13:07:54+00:00

That overall gender issues aren’t as relevant to your day to day life as Reddit makes it seem.

SnowHatesWome · 2021-07-21T19:22:44+00:00

If you’re having trouble with women and don’t wanna RedPill the only alternative is MGTOW. Women will continue to LARP and say that the growing percentage of men struggling is a male issue.

junk_mail_haver · 2021-07-21T21:35:47+00:00

You have two option:

It's over
It never began

Choose either and move on. It's pointless discussing shit here.

qaadeleted · 2021-07-21T18:59:44+00:00

Depends what trouble. If it's the virginity just go to hooker. It's not that different from casual hookup expect she knows what she is doing.

"but she doesn't want me"

believe me, her acting prob feel more like wanting than the awkward random girl who lays there like death fish.

2021-07-21T19:04:18+00:00

I think the first step would be to take an assessment as to why you think you may be not having the best luck.

What do you look like?

Are you average weight? Do you dress decently? Do you shower? If OLD, do you have professional photos taken?

What kind of job do you have?

Are you studying? Do you still work fast food?

What can you offer the woman besides your dick?

Do you know how to cook? Are you more romantic? Are you a good listener? Do you like kids?

Are you looking for casual sex or an LTR?

What kind of woman are you wanting to attract? Because this will tell you what actions you should take to increase your chances of finding a woman.

Avoid OLD. Meet people IRL. It just doesn't work for average to below average male unless they are willing to settle on looks.

thatguyfromrichmond · 2021-07-21T21:09:24+00:00

Ask yourself, why would someone date me. I know it sounds gaslighty and women are legit trash in their standards these days, but hear me out.

If you have nothing to offer then it's kinda hard to date, additionally if you're tall try to have a personality besides your height.

Dont be fat, or too skinny.

Know what you want in a partner, this is important for a few reasons, 1 you look less desperate aka more desirable, 2 you don't waste time on subpar women (like 80% of women are not dateable material IMO.),

If you want casual sex then you need to do everything you can to maximize your looks, for relationship still try to maximize looks but also try to be more social etc.

Reflect on your self and what you offer and do what you can to better it is all you can do.

Urasahrue1 · 2021-07-21T19:17:47+00:00

When it comes to dating and relationships as a man, 99% of success comes down to your physical appearance. Personality, hobbies, temperament, values, confidence, etc are all irrelevant.

Real advice:

Be tall, be handsome, and be physically fit.

If you're short, look into leg lengthening surgery.

If you're ugly, look into plastic surgery.

If you're out of shape, start lifting and look into steroids.

TheBookOfSeil · 2021-07-21T19:09:12+00:00

Find out what people want and give it to them. Most are just looking for care and connection in today's isolated world, and I mean real care and connection, not the appearance or illusion of it, even though some people will settle for the fake stuff because they're starved of it.

OpinionHavR · 2021-07-21T19:09:18+00:00

Be decently attractive. Don’t be a creep. Don’t be a fat. Be able to hold a conversation. Bonus for being funny

headguts · 2021-07-21T20:09:59+00:00

Most women like confident men. To dumb women, confident means the loudest, most stubborn one with complete disregard for anyone besides himself or someone in his pack. To intelligent women, confidence still matters. I wouldn't worry about the dumb women (unless you are only trying to get laid and don't care about consequences). Women tend to live via social cues dudes can easily miss. Walk tall and lead with your chest--like you're headed somewhere important and you're important because of it. Speak from your diaphragm and project. Don't end too many sentences with upspeak. Don't fear eye contact, and don't avert your gaze.

If you do that and look clean, you're going to break through the biology that might make a woman dismiss you immediately...and then you should be interested and interesting.

Fake it till you make it.

The worst that can happen is rejection, leaving you where you are now...but with experience for improving your next try.

If you're overweight/ out of shape...you're decreasing your chances with women by 80-90%. If you're not disabled, this is the easiest and most possible change you can make outside of those habits mentioned above. It's hard to exercise/ eat better...but so is being alone and lonely. If you don't like that and want to dismiss it, think about the last time you were turned on looking at someone while you simultaneously thought she was out of shape/ overweight.

gimpgirl555 · 2021-07-21T19:04:31+00:00

I’m really curious to see what advice is given and how it contrasts or is similar to redpill beliefs

Germany. FKK. Pay for it. Try at least 10 different girls.

You need to equalize the experience gap between you and women.

Make sure you fuck girls that are hot. This will give you the "psychological advantage" when you date civilian girls. You can always tell yourself that you've already fucked hotter girls.

Always be willing to walk away if a girl doesn't please you. Remember that millions of women turn 18 every day.

Also remember that the girls that you like today will turn into fat moms by 30. Don't write a check against a depreciating asset.

If you date civilians find a game that works for you. For example my man's game is tradcon preppy boy. He tends to get mainly femcels and weirdos, but he gets something to pick from anyway.

You're probably not going to get the girls that you want. That's what paying is for.

NPCFactChecker · 2021-07-21T19:38:31+00:00

Put a leaf on your forehead and say it gives you "sexual powers" Then just pretend you're Chad

lmc80 · 2021-07-21T21:27:33+00:00

(F) I don't really get the whole pill thing.. my advice is: stop seeing relationships as a battlefield. Forget about dating apps, they're designed to caste people as disposable. Find someone you connect with, through mutual interests, etc. And see where ot goes.. it's not about all these "stand offish" tricks the red pill ( I think) would have you doing, or about being 6.6.6... it's about ya'll seeing your partners as individuals not the homogenous group of 'women'

reignoferror00 · 2021-07-21T21:52:36+00:00

To the average virgin man in his early 20's - you already know you're below average in many ways. The hardest and most useless advice on the face of it you'll get is to "socialize more". Odds are you have few friends - and most if not all of them are more like acquaintances you have minimal trust with, plus you are quiet and introverted. Make the most in either your post-secondary education or workplace in making some sort of friends - preferably ones more outgoing than you are. If you completely throw yourself into your education or work you're going to be in a similar situation to what you had in high school (which very likely sucked).

Others that are more social, weren't "late bloomers" and already have some degree of success - will in their opinion and actions make it seem (and say to you) socializing and finding a woman is easy. It is not for you. It is going to take some work and various forms of failure (and likely humiliations) - you are going to trust people that aren't trustworthy, you'll likely be used by so called friends for finances or transportation at the very least, and talking to women (especially in loud bars) is going to be difficult and disheartening. While cold approaches in bars will work once in a blue moon, meeting friends of friends (or acquaintances or workmates) might be a bit better. Build upon small successes and try to better learn how to read people. As long as you are getting a bit of success and having a bit of fun the failures will hurt less - at least in some ways.

If you miss the boat in your 20's, you'll likely make bigger and more costly mistakes in your 30's.

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omegaatlas · 2021-07-21T19:01:08+00:00

What type of women do you find attractive and want to be in a relationship with?

Work on the following: interpersonal/social skills, communication/conversational skills, be interesting by actively participating in life, take care of your physical health, groom yourself well, set healthy boundaries for yourself (don't accept entitled behavior from women).

manfrom-nantucket · 2021-07-21T20:00:22+00:00

Take a deep breath
No one has ever died not chasing a woman - Stop Pedestalizing Pussy
Look at your wardrobe and overall appearance - make an effort
Relax and don't get obsessed with pairing up, women are like public transport buses, there will be another one along presently
Work on the things that interest you and develop hobbies that you genuinely like.

no_user_ID_found · 2021-07-21T20:31:08+00:00

M here. My advice: don’t be readily available at all time for her. Be vague about yourself in the beginning. Don’t put her on a pedestal. Make sure you have a nice life and have your own shit together.

It’s you who must be happy in your life without her in it, with her in it you’re a bit more happy.

Heal yourself and don’t rely on others to heal you.

quiturbitchn · 2021-07-21T20:55:25+00:00

Don’t look for a woman to take care of you like a mother. Women don’t want adult children they want partners

JameisBong · 2021-07-21T21:04:21+00:00

Just be yourself ! (sarcasm)

Kentucky_Supreme · 2021-07-21T21:14:11+00:00

TRP advice is just looks, money, status. Sure that stuff helps but we can all go to the local grocery store and see plenty of couples where the guy isn't gigachad.

The only consistent thing I've noticed with guys that get girls is luck.

Nation_of_Two · 2021-07-21T21:40:21+00:00

It depends on the individual, and my advice would be based on him.

mindsanitizer · 2021-07-21T22:40:21+00:00

JUST TAKE A SHOWER

DreamsOfWishes · 2021-07-21T22:42:27+00:00

I would want a picture and to ask you a bit about your life and first figure out what your problem areas are.

And then I would probably ask you to compromise on the type of women you want and tell you: based on your looks and lifestyle, this is the type of woman that is going to be into you. If you don't want them, change something.

PrincessaRusalka · 2021-07-21T22:45:38+00:00

I can’t say I’m either pill but here goes:

Why? Ask yourself that question and you will know. Keep asking over and over and be honest with yourself.

all_is_love6667 · 2021-07-21T23:07:37+00:00

You don't have problems with women.

Just look people straight in their eyes and talk as if they were men. Go from there and where it leads.

Heidimoss1 · 2021-07-21T23:15:42+00:00

Biggest problem is probably communication which I’ll address below with some other sub-points that could help? And these are all just my own opinion on what I would want as a woman in my 20s

1. Communicate Well Don’t hog the conversation but also don’t sit there in silence and be awkward. Have good eye contact, and listen properly. Don’t disrespect the people you are talking about and especially don’t disrespect the Persian you are talking to. Don’t kill the conversation but also know when to let it die. Talk to all sorts of people, not just those in your group. Try to find out more about the other person but DO NOT turn it into a questionnaire
(some guy did this to me once, by asking me so many questions in a group setting, (basically ignoring everyone else, while I kept trying to steer the convo back to the group) and I felt attacked and didn’t like it, but it turned out he just wanted to get to know me better and asked me out a few weeks later. But it was too late by then…he meant well but the previous interactions just felt a little too much like an interrogation. He just had really bad communication skills and it really turned me off. When we talked, it also felt like I was the only one carrying the conversation and it was exhausting. Anyway, sorry about that side tangent)

2. Be mentally, emotionally and physically strong (this is just my personal criteria on what kind of person I want to date)

// Mentally // be able to hold your own. Have an opinion on important topics and be able to articulate them. Intelligence is attractive. Being witty and charming and funny is a plus, but not at the cost of hurting anyone you’re making fun of. Do the right thing even when no one is watching.

// Emotionally // don’t be a baby, don’t be selfish, be able to resolve conflicts maturely and be strong in a crisis.

// Physically // be muscular, not fat and not skinny. Be strong enough to princess carry me with ease (that’s a joke but not gonna lie, I would love that lol)

3. Have your life together I would not date anyone before they had the following sorted: Has a job, can cook all their own meals, can dress appropriately, good hygiene, clean teeth, is polite, is not needy, is wise with money, is honest.

These 3 points are just my own advice and they are very broad and unlikely that anyone will be able to be everything I mentioned but that’s just an idea of what might help via what I personally would like.

OnlineProfile69 · 2021-07-21T23:40:35+00:00

Look as good as you can. Gym, fashion, grooming
Approach women

TrueStorms · 2021-07-22T00:15:09+00:00

I can’t really answer without knowing more about appearance background and personality. My advice for a mental cel is different than for someone not conventionally attractive or who is very autistic.

PlayfulLawyer · 2021-07-22T01:11:03+00:00

35 yo male, I'd say

Focus on your goals not women
Get in good physical condition, be it heavy lifting or cardio and toning
No simping
Dress as the best version of YOURSELF
Learn another language

tangerinedreamwolf · 2021-07-22T01:44:18+00:00

I’m a woman.

The first thing I’d ask you is are you having the same trouble with women you want to date, as you might with women who are friends? What about men who are friends? Ask yourself why any of those relationships or interactions are easier or harder.

Second, come to terms with your expectations. And this is true for men as well as women. Most humans aren’t knock-out attractive. Yet they still manage to couple up. At the same time, most humans aren’t repulsively ugly. Try to “uplevel” your appearance but also be comfortable with who you are, who you can be and who you attract.

Be interesting. I don’t mean be interesting for the sake of dating. I mean get off Reddit, get hobbies, make friends, meet people. This is not just so you have stuff to discuss on a date (which is how some people approach it and is a mistake in my opinion). Getting out into the world helps you develop social skills and perspective. You learn how normal real world people react to your jokes and maybe that isn’t as funny. You learn how to make a good first impression. You learn how to ask questions and listen and ask follow up questions. I think where some TRP/incel men fail is they have a bad experience in the real world and then withdraw. That only hurts you.

All of the above is table stakes I think. To make yourself “attractive” - Be fit (yes this matters) - Have a good stable job and career. Not because women are gold diggers but because no woman worth her salt wants to date a loser in a dead end job - Be charming. Yes you can learn to be “charming”. There are common traits of charming people and one of them is how they make OTHERS feel. I think Redpill is completely wrong on this front (among many others). You don’t attract people by being aloof and closed off. You attract them by being charming. Sometimes that means vulnerable. Sometimes that means not saying too much. In the end it’s about making the other person feel like they matter more to you and that you genuinely care about what they have to say and what they think. It’s hard to fake this IMO. Humans are quite good at picking up on fakes.

That’s my 2 cents.

Gilmoregirlin · 2021-07-22T02:57:10+00:00

F (43) no pill married at 36 dated online a ton before. I was one if those women that got 30 plus emails a day and I eventually met my husband on EHarmony after getting off all the other apps. I’ve helped out a more than a few guy friends young and old find love for what it’s worth none of my advice is going to be what was listed above.

The biggest thing I always say is date the women who want to date you. And I think if you open your eyes and look around they are out there. The first part is be aware, interact with people. Say hello to people make eye contact with women, put your phone down. Get out and do things. Go to events, go to parks, if a friend is having a get together go. You are young the pandemic is over there should not be a single weekend you sit at home alone. But don’t make it all about women. Have fun with friends join meet up groups and let people know you are looking to date. Be yourself people will think hey I know this great guy when a friend says they are single. It’s just like getting a job. Most jobs are gotten through networking in competitive fields it’s about who you know. There are a ton of qualified candidates. If you cold apply like say you are on maybe or bumble you don’t stand out.

Second part of that is set reasonable expectations. If you do date online only email the women that you would have the confidence to approach in person. Do not reach out to the top 20% they are not responding to you. Then look at her profile and see if you are what she is looking for. Following the email all women platform never works. Go on all the dates you can and do speed dating in person practice makes perfect.

Next surround yourself with women are not attracted to and learn about them interact with them. A lot of men struggle with social interactions with women but hanging out even with female family members helps tremendously.

Don’t act angry it shows just don’t be angry and bitter we can tell. Don’t lead with sex.

Good luck!

AlfaRed2000 · 2021-07-22T03:14:19+00:00

Women already have a vagina so they don't need a pussy.

unkle_Rico1 · 2021-07-22T03:17:21+00:00

Strive to be ambitious, funny, and confident. Try not to get hung up on one girl until you are in a committed relationship with her. I’d say the biggest thing would be: Don’t compare yourself to others, just focus on improving yourself.

thegr8profiter · 2021-07-22T05:25:45+00:00

Self improvement. If you can't attract women, then you cant attact women. Instead spent time on something worthwhile to improve other aspects of your life. Look your best, wear your best. Pursue activities. Live life.

Get off social media completely. It's a cesspool.

Do not settle for someone you are not attracted to. It will kill you from inside. No pussy is worth that trouble.

And if you really really want sex, hire a quality escort. Just that part of your life a secret.

Crafty-Particular998 · 2021-07-22T07:21:46+00:00

Woman here, and make sure you have a great sense of humour.

chingness · 2021-07-22T08:31:19+00:00

Hi I’m a woman 👋 I’d advise them to take up hobbies that have mixed gender and make sure they don’t “other” women. Once they become friends with women they’ll start to realise that women have individual likes/tastes/qualities they’re attracted to the same as men.

Don’t treat all women as a target for sex/relationships. You’ll be seen as creepy and no woman wants to be the one you settled for when you shot your shot with everyone. Plus if you actually make genuine friendships with women you’ll understand more that we’re not SO different and other women will have more trust for a man who has women around that like him/will vouch for him but who he’s not sleeping with.

Stop trying to scientifically observe women and extract magic algorithms as to what they want/lol.

Please listen to women and don’t take any of this awful advice that women either don’t know what they want or always lie about what they want.

There are literally millions of average men who have girlfriends or wives and not all of them are unhappy (usually when I see this men just shout that they’re all miserable, beta bucks, alpha windowed or cucks). Women don’t all want stoic hard to read men (but yes plenty do for some reason).

Women are just people. We have our own individual insecurities, worries about dating, likes/dislikes

Try listening to female dating advisors. Listen to what women are asking them and what they worry about. Just remember we are human beings too. We are adults, not children. We want a mutual relationship not to be tricked into being your plaything.

Lotus_82 · 2021-07-22T09:11:37+00:00

Keep track of how you make people feel when they interact with you. When people talk to you do they walk away feeling more relaxed, feeling good? Or do they walk away feeling stressed out and emotionally drained?

Learn to pay attention to body language as well. It’ll help you decipher non verbal cues that women give off when you talk to them.

Master your emotions and never let anger or sadness make you do or say something you’ll regret tomorrow.

Ian_Campbell · 2021-07-22T09:12:35+00:00

Conquer life brother. Make yourself a part of something eternal. If you think about who you could become but fear the precarious maintenance or the unknown, know that the worst thing to happen to you is if you never truly lived, because death is certain anyway. If you address this with your life successfully, you will 1. Feel great and show it, act with purpose toward your goals which you believe in yourself about, and if that is really true, then 2. Rejection from someone else won't be such a big deal once YOU have actually accepted yourself, and if she doesn't want to share her life with yours, then why would you want a captive? Never be afraid of showing who you really are because that is the only thing you have to live with.

Things like how to exercise, eat better, dress better, that's really just a natural consequence of a healthy person succeeding when the internal battle is won. You can address the surface level stuff and it's better than nothing, and it might be a concurrent part of setting the stage for success, but if you have that surface stuff but are at conflict with yourself, internal chaos, women will read self-doubt and your chances won't be as good. Same thing with shame about who you really are.

Zpointe · 2021-07-22T09:36:55+00:00

Can someone ELI5 the red pill blue pill thing so I can answer accordingly

2993838383838382 · 2021-07-22T10:08:26+00:00

Spend time working on yourself. Become exceptional at something, ideally your career. Develop an interest in fitness and take good care of yourself. Soon, dating will feel like shooting fish in a barrel.

TheStr8Dope · 2021-07-22T12:49:12+00:00

Tinder is not always evil. I’ve matched my past two girlfriends. I am 5’6 and black. (Just letting you know I’m not dealing with an “ideal” hand). My face is “cute” or “handsome” around the older ladies. I am less skinny than I used to be when I skateboarded.

The key red pill doesn’t tell you is that it’s mostly personality and compatibility. I’ve been down the black pill rabbit hole—the main thing that held me back at that time was my own self.

I could either:

a.) wallow and lament my lack of perceived successes

b.) go for less conventionally attractive but fun, cool women to hang around who expressed desire for me. And women who I’ve thought of as incredibly cute have told me they’ve felt invisible in terms of quality attention. (read: not blatant fuck offers on tinder).

Relationships haven’t been perfect per se and I’m still growing and learning—which you should always be doing. But it’s a lot easier when the yoke of ideology is lifted from your sociosexual identity.

Best advice on the surface level for most guys: get a professional level haircut (find a lady stylist and get her recommendation) and some clean looking clothes. Learn how to hold a conversation—learn when to lean in and when to back off.

protaganistic · 2021-07-22T14:44:12+00:00

I don’t consider myself RP (guy), but obviously doing what you can to increase attractiveness is a no-brainer. But what’s more important than that is that you socialize with strangers. Not even just girls.

Try to expand your social circle. This comes pretty easy to me, but I understand it doesn’t for everyone. But if you’re not meeting new people, you’re not giving yourself a chance.

Now let’s talk about the abundance mindset. What this mindset lets you do is take risks. You need to take some risks when you’re flirting. Like teasing them or sharing a risque opinion. If you feel like this is your only chance, you may be too afraid to take risks, because then you’re back to square 1.

But the truth is you’re at square 1 anyway until you make some progress flirting with them. So it doesn’t matter if they don’t respond well. You’ve gotta take chances.

And as some others have said, if you don’t value yourself highly, you don’t have a chance. You need a solid foundation to drown out all the external noise.

itzReborn · 2021-07-22T16:30:36+00:00

Anyone have advice for a quiet/introverted/nerdy guy. Everytime I try to put myself out there it feels like a mental block is stopping me. I don’t think I’m ugly but I do have some confidence/self esteem issues(too afraid to even post pictures of myself online)

I’m have a regular body(not buff, not fat and not too skinny)

jack_Me_hoffman · 2021-07-22T17:03:04+00:00

Go to the gym, chase your bag, and learn how to be the effective leader your wife and your children need.

Main take away is be the example that other men wish they were. We wish we were ripped. We wish we had more $$$ so that if an emergency happened we could cover it. We wish that we could be better dad's than what we had. So you must become that.

Once that is out of the way start approaching women. Adopt Jeff Lebowski levels of chill. If she ain't with it? Cool. I found that the women I had the best relationships with (and my current one) came from hitting girls up in the most random circumstances. I met my current girlfriend by pointing her out that she was cute in a female friend's sc story, so I slid in the dm and bam. Had no intention of dating her but she was just such a great woman I couldn't let it slide.

Other great success came from approaching women at a Starbucks while the mixer was being fixed standing in line, along with the few successes from Tinder. Treat your social media like an ad page for yourself. Utilize all the tools you can to aid you in getting women. I found that whenever I got to a level that women approached me more often, and my approaching of women was more successful it became worth it but I'mma be real until I was 15-20% body fat, good hygeine, dressed well women hardly looked at me. Forget a relationship. Just to feel seen for something that isn't my personality.

Lufiti · 2021-07-23T11:29:01+00:00

young female here

i think you are overthinking it. many times i notice that when people have a hard time finding a date they start to take a rather impersonal approach in the way they interact with potential partners.

maybe try just getting to know some women in a friendly casual way and see if anything blossoms.

find women who share your interests and who you have things in common with.

many ladies are a bit cautious about accepting romantic advances right off the bat and need some time to get to know you first. look for cues from her that show romantic interest and then ask her out.

dont worry so much about what women want. if you focus on making friends im sure you will find someone who will take interest.

trying to force things will probably make finding a date harder. an agressive approach can scare women. slow and steady wins the race.

FreeMRausch · 2021-07-23T20:49:50+00:00

In the US?

Study hard at college and earn academic credentials for a white collar job or work hard at developing a trade skill and a good job, clean your shit up (no drug or alcohol problems, have a place of your own, be in shape, no criminal record) and look to Eastern Europe or Asia for a good woman who is willing to settle down. As someone who married an Asian woman from Siberia and as someone who is friends with Russian women and Asian women, if I had moved there when i was 18 and avoided the 5 years of b.s. here regarding the American dating scene at university (met my wife in university at the end of it but it was 5 years of b.s. leading up to it) i would have had a way easier time. I taught English in Russia for a short time and if i had been unmarried, would have easily had dates and a relationship. Women over there seemed to put more emphasis on hard working guys who are educated and have jobs and their own place.

mindsanitizer · 2021-07-21T20:13:13+00:00

JUST BE YOURSELF

omegaatlas · 2021-07-21T19:14:52+00:00

[permanently deleted]

superlurkage · 2021-07-21T19:34:59+00:00

Use your brain and eyeballs

AbbreviationsHot1200 · 2021-07-21T19:51:47+00:00

People don't have a problem with red pill philosophy, they only have a problem with the men who follow it

KurkTheMagnificent · 2021-07-22T14:19:25+00:00

Move to a developing country

Title	Non redpill individuals what advice would you give to an average dude having trouble with women
Author	omegaatlas
Upvotes	44
Comments	341
Date	July 21, 2021 6:48 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/oowaoo/non_redpill_individuals_what_advice_would_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/non-redpill-individuals-what-advice-would-you-give.794141 https://theredarchive.com/post/794141

Comments

What do you look like?

What kind of job do you have?

What can you offer the woman besides your dick?

Are you looking for casual sex or an LTR?