Do you have any male friends?

Buggy1218 · 2021-12-10T13:40:31+00:00

I have one male friend. We met at work and got to know each other because, well, we work together. He’s HV through and through. Talked about his wife like she hung the moon and stars. Raised 5 daughters and was very respectful of women.

We would go get drinks as a group with coworkers. After a few outings he asked me if I’d like to get drinks with him and his wife because he thought we’d have a lot in common. And I love them both. They’re the HV goals couple in my life. My husband and I spent a lot of time with them before they sadly moved 8 hours away to be with family.

I especially miss them because I know they are the exception to the rule. It’s so difficult to find other couples to hang out with that aren’t toxic.

ariesgalxo · 2021-12-10T14:54:46+00:00

My male friends are mainly gay

LonchuraStriata · 2021-12-10T11:20:19+00:00

If I really think about it I would call two men my friends (I'll exclude relatives like my late father and my uncle who has been a father figure to me here):

my cousin (who is gay and happily married to another man since pretty much forever, so I don't know if he counts). We have very similar interests and personalities and always got along very well. Though, I don't know if friend is the right word here because he plays more of an "older brother" role in my life (I don't have any older siblings or brothers myself).
a university friend turned business partner and close ally whom I have known for 10+ years. We made the decision to join forces when we were unemployed graduates instead of competing and have never regretted it. There has never been a single romantic or sexual moment between us and we have supported each other through plenty of tough times. He even met his fiancee through me. Nevertheless, our relationship is different than what I have with my female friends, even though I trust him in a similar way, maybe rather on a "completely trusted ally" level.

elainejay82 · 2021-12-10T14:19:51+00:00

I used to have a ton. They all tried sleeping with me eventually. These were men (boys) I had been close to for over 15 years.

I have dropped every single one of them and will never try for male friends again.

wondertarget · 2021-12-10T11:01:23+00:00

I have two gay male friends that ironically practice FDS without being in, or knowing about the FDS community. I have 0 straight male friends because every every single male "friend" I've had tried to sleep with me. One was the brother of my ex.

thanarealnobody · 2021-12-10T17:05:21+00:00

I used to have a lot of male friends but slowly, one by one, they showed me who they were. Most of them used me for free therapy and cleaning services. A lot of them just ghosted me when I no longer provided a service to their life.

Honestly a lot of men don’t know what it means to be a friend. They don’t remember birthdays or check in or offer to help out in small ways. A man has never washed my dishes after I made a meal. Or defended me when men were being gross.

One of my best male friends was still in good terms with my ex after he had been abusive to me. Bro code, I guess. He’d known him for a few months and known me for years and he still chose him over me.

SayNad · 2021-12-10T13:16:44+00:00

Growing up, I am that awkward obese girl who men (and shitty women) either treat me like shit or like I am invisible. So I am mostly alone with a very few friends.

Never have male friends, I don't even speak to men most of the times unless absolutely necessary.

I did feel jealous seeing people easily making a big group of friends and woman having many male friends - it seems like they have many men looking out for them.

That is, until I got close to a male friend during my undergrad. Damn he is exhausting, conversations always turn into a debate and him complaining about one thing or another. Can't even joke about some petty things - he will try to "win" and neg me into oblivion.

Now I want to revert back to not talking to men unless absolutely necessary. I just rather talk to a wall at this point.

Sweetlikecream · 2021-12-10T12:09:44+00:00

Absolutely not and I have no interest. Every single, and yes every single male friend of mine that I had, made it known that they were sexually or romantically interested in me. I'll pass.

BananaSlugGhost · 2021-12-10T17:31:01+00:00

Most men will pretend to be your friend to bed you. Most men don’t love women, they only desire us as validation giving, caregiving, sexual objects. They save their real love for themselves and other men.

I would not be close to any men except for a taken HVM who wants me to know him and his wife as a unit.

albahe12 · 2021-12-10T10:40:43+00:00

the old me/pre-FDS was all about having male friends and believing PlAtOnIc friendships can happen between men and women but I know better now. Thinking back, all those 'friendships' were hella shady and very much felt like vultures on prey. I never felt fully safe and relaxed. Even with the male acquaintances I have now (through a mutual hobby), I keep the interactions very dry at the risk of being the bitchy one (my female friend in that same group is very the cool girl popular one) who's never invited to parties/chills but I don't care. I'd 100% rather be at home anyway and only interact with them when needed thru that hobby

Sweetlikecream · 2021-12-10T12:14:51+00:00

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apommom · 2021-12-10T13:36:54+00:00

Yes, and I used to have more male friends than female. Since FDS I realized all of my friends of both genders are LV.

gingerandlime · 2021-12-10T15:08:07+00:00

So, there are men that I'm friends with, although for the most part they are not as close of friends as women that I'm friends with. Most are more like "friend group" friends, and their behavior towards me is always being vetted... like everyone else in life, frankly. Now, for the most part, these men who are friend-acquaintances might very well not have my phone number, that sort of thing. Some do, but we don't text often. Most of them are married and I know their wives well and am closer with them than the men. It's very rare that I would meet up with any of them individually rather than in a group. If one of them is rude to me (they are NEVER inappropriate with me), I ignore him going forward.

Probably the least FDS thing I do is text with an ex from college. We were friends first, then got sexually involved, which turned out badly for a wide variety of reasons. We were not in touch for many years, then got back in touch essentially to apologize for how that went, then were not in touch for many years again. Then he reached out a few years ago to say hi and talk politics, and since then we text occasionally about politics, world events, career topics, very occasionally we talk about how dating is going for each of us. I understand this is not in line with the handbook, we all make our own choices. For me, it's a friendship that brings value into my life in many ways, and actually he has been better about supporting me in having appropriate standards in my dating life than many people I'm much closer with.

I am 100% NOT advocating that anyone follow my lead. It is very unusual to have the kind of large friend group that I have as an adult and unusual that there be a social norm to be as respectful as the men I associate with.

entpgirl415 · 2021-12-10T17:08:47+00:00

I also believed in platonic friendship with men before going on FDS. None of my male friendships have ever been genuine. Just like everyone else’s stories they either tried to hit on me or use me to debate against them or teach them basic feminist concepts so they can level up as a person. More recently I had a cousin (he’s my cousin through marriage) that I’ve been friends with since I was a kid admit to me he has had “feelings” for me since he was FIVE. So I learned that friendship with men in general doesn’t exist, if there’s a way they can sleep with you you bet your ass they’re thinking about it all the time they’re around you!

DivineGoddess1111111 · 2021-12-10T11:36:59+00:00

I used to have male friends and a male bestie when I was a pick me.

Men don't do real friendship with women. That is because a lot of them don't see us as fully actualised human beings like they do with other men. We are objects to be sexualised and squandered for our free labour.

I will never do male friendship again and I greyrock all my male work colleagues apart from one who is high value.

DarbyGirl · 2021-12-10T16:29:47+00:00

I'm in my 40's and I don't have many friends in general. I have people I talk to and chat with, but I don't have anyone I hang out with or comes over to hang out with me. I have a male friend in one of my community groups, he's married, speaks the world of his wife. We hang out in group settings though, I'd never hang out one on one. He's a bit more of a father figure I guess.

I have one friend I've had for 20 years who is male. We chat a bit on messenger and he's always been my movie buddy, I love going to movies by myself but it's nice having someone to go with sometimes. He has had a crush on me forever, and knows I'm not interested so he doesn't try, we just have good conversation and take turns buying tickets.

Friendship in adulthood is definitely not what I thought it would be. Movies and TV shows are full of shit.

BBQCoolRanchQueen · 2021-12-10T15:12:35+00:00

Absolutely not. I learned that lesson in my late 20's. Every time someone got word out that I broke up, my DMs lit right up with scrotes feigning concern. It was like there is some sort of collective watch on which woman is single at any given time, as this happened to every woman I've ever known. I got rid of my old social media accounts and now only either have family or women I personally know on my friends list. I don't count friends' male spouses as my friends. They're acquaintances, nothing more.

Sewud · 2021-12-10T14:33:12+00:00

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LizardInFirst · 2021-12-10T18:54:53+00:00

No, I don’t, and for good reason - they inevitably try and make things sexual. It can’t remain platonic with them. I’m very close friends with a couple of gay men, however.

thatshadywitch · 2021-12-10T14:08:44+00:00

I've found that since joining FDS my male friends have basically disappeared, meaning that I can't be bothered to be around them anymore. I used to give them the benefit of the doubt because "boys will be boys" and other bulls*it, but now I can't stand their emotional immaturity and scroteness. One of them in particular turned out to be a huge asshole who is desperate for sex and women's attention. I just can't anymore. Also, all of my MaLe FrIeNdS tried to get in my pants at some point, so...

rorozansta · 2021-12-10T14:05:23+00:00

My male friends are all gay. When a straight man wants to be “friends” you just know he’s got a girlfriend or is into you and wants something or something nefarious. Straight men do NOT want or need female friends.

melon_bun · 2021-12-10T15:37:23+00:00

I just got burned yesterday for not following this rule. A guy friend I met a year ago, said that he didn’t see me as a woman at ALL. This was probably because he wasn’t attracted to me… therefore… I no longer was a woman…

Turns out straight men often see you either as an object, or a sexless being. Pick one.

myeggsarebig · 2021-12-10T15:03:23+00:00

No. They either want to fuck me or want to take advantage of my femininity. I’m middle age and btdt - it never works.

Educational_Sorbet_3 · 2021-12-10T15:00:33+00:00

I have a very close male friend. He is been nothing but an amazing respectful supportive friend to me. There is absolutely no flirting, no sexual interest between us, nothing shady or manipulative. It’s a very respectful relationship. We do business together now and he helps me a lot when it comes to any career advice I have or goals that I need to reach. I see him as my older brother. He met my family and I met his and honestly he thinks so highly of women. I see how he treats his wife, mother, sisters. How he never defends shady men. He doesn’t have any male friends that cheat or lie to their wives or have no class. He doesn’t keep people like this in his life as it’s against his values. Never lies to his wife or cheats on her. He never talks badly about her and is so respectful. You can see the love and respect between both of them and they have been together for 15 years. (His wife is 6 years older than him). He is definitely one of the highest quality men I ever met. Obviously I don’t talk to him about very private things as I have my gfs for that. I wouldn’t talk to my partner about everything either. But he is an example of a good man and it’s a breath of fresh air to find someone decent like this in this shitty society of ours where most men are just 🗑

PinkPetalCdistbeauty · 2021-12-10T13:32:47+00:00

Not a single one. I’m older than many here, 40ish, but I’ve had hardly any ever, and cut any few male “acquaintance” friends out over last few years.

tuberosetears · 2021-12-10T10:50:10+00:00

I don't think it's possible for a straight guy and woman to be close friends without one or both parties being attracted to each other. I think you can be acquaintances with the rare respectful guy, definitely. But close friends? Nah. The question in my mind is always "why" when someone says "my guy/girl best friend" like why even mention their gender if it's so chill? And since you are so close, why not date?

night_glitter · 2021-12-10T16:31:08+00:00

I have 2. They both live out of state (one is from my area who moved, the other was an e-penpal who I met once, earlier this year). I think male friendships can work, but it’s rare. I’ve known the first guy for more than 15 years and the second about 8. The friendships formed due to having interests in common - I used to go to concerts and sporting events with the first one, and the second one bonded with me over our shared hobby of watching mma, which isn’t a common interest. I am really into watching sports, and most women I meet aren’t. Take note that I vetted the second guy for 7 years before meeting him! I probably wouldn’t have visited him had I not gotten divorced, and he was always fine with that, but yeah, those guys are few and far between. Best advice I can give if someone wants male friends, be mindful of how they respect your boundaries over a long period of time. Caveat: I’m 40, so a lot of younger FDSers simply aren’t old enough to have vetted potential male friends very long compared to me.

scorchedsouI · 2021-12-10T14:18:28+00:00

No woman in this world has male friends, although some are dumb enough to think they do.

notochord · 2021-12-10T18:45:04+00:00

I have a couple male friends and I always hang out with them when their wives are around and am friends with their wives.

thewetdog_ · 2021-12-10T13:10:54+00:00

I have one since teenage years but since FDS I’m not as close to him, he is an amazing and well connected professional, and very based guy who gives great advice so he adds value for my life.

As for his personal life I couldn’t give a f but ask to be polite and make small talk, but we mostly talk about life/business/strategy for things. And not that often either. Maybe every two months unless something comes up.

Acquaintances and group friends I have a bunch but I never call to check in on them or anything, we just meet when the group meet. We only text in group chat, and If we talk one on one it’s because there’s a specific item on the agenda.

VS377 · 2021-12-10T15:22:45+00:00

No. I’m not a very social person in general, so the friends I keep are limited anyway. The closest person to a male friend I have is my boyfriends best friend, because sometimes we all go out to dinner together/hang out, but I don’t text him or hangout with him one-on-one.

I used to have a few male friends but it turned they were using me, either as a stand-in therapist or as someone they wanted to have sex with. Specifically had a male “friend” who sent me nudes when he knew for a fact I was already in a relationship. Yuck.

OL_SONF_VORSG · 2021-12-10T14:42:02+00:00

When I was younger I had quite a few male friends until I realized that close friendships between men and women just can’t happen. Every single male friend I had would seem to really appreciate me and respect me…and then they would confess and ghost me once I didn’t reciprocate. Men cannot have friendships with women without seeing them as potential sexual partners.

Even on the other side. The guys I dated when I was younger had close friendships with women and for the life of them could NOT establish clear, respectful boundaries. They always wanted to blur the lines between friend and girlfriend.

Men have confessed that they don’t even need to like you, to be physically attracted to you to have sex with you. Men see basic kindness and friendliness as flirtation and invitations. Men feel entitled to your time and affection because they think they’re a great catch and will even become violent to obtain it.

I see absolutely no value in being friends with men.

The_Cat_Empress · 2021-12-10T19:06:44+00:00

I have one male acquaintance at work but my last male friend was also my “BFF” and after of while he got lazy with keeping in touch after he got a GF. So I ditched him. I wonder if I did the right thing because I’ve been lonely lately, but I’m just tired of these men showing no effort and popping up randomly. Better off just not bothering.

Sewud · 2021-12-11T01:24:29+00:00

I'll echo what other people have said here. Every one of my male friends eventually confessed to being in love with me. Huge betrayal.

Similar-Tart-4848 · 2021-12-10T14:35:33+00:00

Pre having children I had more male friends than female. Now they kinda look like babies to me 😂 so naive and unfettered

oddcharm · 2021-12-10T14:36:54+00:00

I have one from university but tbh I keep him a bit distant because I believe he has feelings for me. Regardless, he is a good listener and will help me if I need it. If we fell out, I don't think I'd pursue another friendship with a man though

dollymyfolly · 2021-12-10T15:27:25+00:00

No way, I don’t even talk to men (besides my husband) without a third party present. My choice, not his.

Not sure why this is being downvoted. I learned my lesson when my male “friend” of 15 years tried to rape me. Every male I’ve ever been close to has tried to proposition me. I’ve had a man just working in a grocery store see me and find me on social media and DM me. I make my life easier by not even giving them the option to be close to me.

Ocean417 · 2021-12-10T12:50:21+00:00

I have a few. They are all in relationships. I make it a rule that I will only hang out with them with their girlfriend present and I make an effort to prioritise and get to know the girlfriend more. So now I’m actually closer friends to the girlfriends than the guys. If I even hear a whisper that she feels weird about it I’m out of there because her gut is telling her that the male can’t be trusted (and I don’t want people like that in my life) and it’s just simple respect.

I will never understand the pickme women who hover around men in relationships hoping to be picked. Have some respect for the other woman and for yourself

aquietsword · 2021-12-10T21:04:12+00:00

I have one. It happened naturally pre fds for me and I think I just got lucky. We have a weird amount of overlapping interests, and I can talk to him about fashion and makeup if I felt like it. One thing that's different for me is that I feel like I can be physically closer to my girlfriends. We're a bit of a hug-y, cuddle-y group and I just wouldn't do that with a guy friend. Also, there's a specific kind of girl talk that will always just be for the girls, at least for me.

I will say I don't see myself adding male friends to the list though. I don't have faith in men out there.

Partypuppers · 2021-12-11T14:04:30+00:00

I have two male friends and whenever we message or meet in person we never talk about anything sexual, there is never any flirting and we also refer to each other multiple times as "buddies", for example, if I were to message one I'd say "hey buddy", or "hey mate" and they also greet me in the same way. I make it very clear we are friends.

Edit: I also don't dress up around them. I can be very sexy and attractive when I want and I literally do the least, I don't put my sexual self forward when I hang out with them. These are boundaries I maintain to ensure there is no confusion about my intentions.

fudirtbagjon · 2021-12-11T15:38:26+00:00

I know this is rare, I have one male friend who I've know since grade 7. He's like a brother, and has never made any inappropriate moves towards me. We set boundaries early on in our friendship dynamic and no lines are blurred. I trust him to give me honest perspective from a male mind, he's given trustworthy/ valuable advice, physical help, protection and respect. His wife and I get a long great, I treat her like a sister-in-law, making sure she's comfortable with me by showing her as much respect as possible, I don't hang out with him alone, so she's never feeling threatened by our friendship. I look forward to meeting and babysitting their new babies as a bonus auntie in their family.

SatanicSuperfood · 2021-12-10T11:40:09+00:00

Many men are perverts who only want female friends as they want sex or attention.

This is exactly the kind of man I avoid being friends with at all cost. I have a good amount of close HVM friends and none of them are like this. Having HVM friends is fun, it's a reminder of what I could expect from other men and it scares away LVM because they know I know what to expect from men.

LeaveMeAlone__308 · 2021-12-10T12:18:39+00:00

I do have one male friend and we hang out 1:1. Like get dinners or watch movie even. Now, so far in my 24 years I hadn't had ANY male friend who'd make me comfortable enough to hang out with them in such close setting but this guy is exceptionally HV. I totally believe he'll make a great BF or husband for some woman. There is no awkwardness with him at all, and I'm actually rather blessed to have met him!! I have zero feelings for him romantically (like no chemistry) and I am sure he feels the same way!

Edit : I read the other comments and would like to make some additions! The reason I think he's HV is because he actually treats women as equals, is highly responsible and career oriented, kees his house so clean it sometimes puts me to shame lol, offers to pay and take care of women (me so far!). Honestly, this guy gives me hope that actually HVMs do exist!. Do you ladies think I'm missing something? I sincerely hope not!

Edit 2: we have been friends since the beginning of the year, not too long like 8 months?

nothingt0say · 2021-12-10T13:44:09+00:00

Yes we grew up together we hang out with a group of friends. Occasionally will hang out one on one w certain ones. Any of them will help me if I need it. One is divorced, the other never been married like me.

But yeah. 2. And I'm 44, they been vetted by me since we were teens

toast4breakfast · 2021-12-10T15:26:46+00:00

Yes, but they’re gay. No drama here with any of them.

marshmellowsmoothies · 2021-12-10T16:52:43+00:00

Yes. One male friend from high school. He’s been in a long-term relationship and they have a child together. We don’t get to talk as much as we used to because life etc. but when we do talk we start off from out last conversation without missing a beat. Also, we don’t call each other after business hours and are respectful of each other’s personal lives. But that’s it.

girly_minimalist · 2021-12-10T16:58:24+00:00

I used to, but I’ve come to the conclusion that heterosexual men and women can’t be “just friends”. One person always ends up falling for the other or there’s some ulterior motive usually from the guy in my experience. I only have one gay male friend.

ExistentialJelly · 2021-12-10T20:26:30+00:00

I used to from the age of 13-27. He dated a really scary chick and she made him delete all female friends (married, single, elderly etc) and he disappeared. Even his mother and sister weren't allowed to call him unless she was present. They were on and off for a few years until he just packed up and left. She moved another guy in the next day.

Then he just seemed to keep getting involved in weird stuff and weird relationships and disappeared. I stopped trying... been over a year now.

ciciplum · 2021-12-10T23:23:06+00:00

I have a few, but they're partnered and me and their partners have no qualms hanging out together. Then there's another that I catch up from time to time with and we watch series. He tried to make a move when we met, I declined. We became friends instead. And it is an actual equal friendship, no weird tricks or schemes.

I used to be a "one of the guys" type, and was fuckzoned by pretty much every male "friend" I ever thought I had. Now I preach and live FDS wherever I go, which in itself is a good filter.

I will say I don't talk to any of my male friends daily, and we mostly share benign things. We fill each other in on our personal lives but don't include each other in them if that makes sense. Now that I have close female friends, I'd much rather confide in them than in men. Their capacity just isn't the same.

oscine23 · 2021-12-27T13:23:35+00:00

All of my male ‘friends’ wanted more and just accept Ed friendship as a consolation, or they thought they were slow-walking me to the bedroom. The one guy I really loved (as a friend) ghosted me after 20 yrs of friendship when I told him I was getting married. (I’m not anymore but he doesn’t know that because he stopped talking to me). Guess he got tired of pretending to be my friend.

katiekat0214 · 2021-12-10T14:47:29+00:00

I've had male friends my whole life, and to me this is entirely possible. I get the point of most men just wanting sex or access to women, but I just don't see much point being so separatist that men ultimately get pushed into "other" territory. Men who want sex or access to women as objects never get far with me, as in they get weeded out the first time I ever talk to them, so no loss.

What we find "other" we hate, despise, fear. I get that for millenia women have good reason to fear men, but my rationale is this: I start off treating everyone like they are a basic human: good, kind, decent, understandinging, with quirks, talents, strengths, weaknesses. "Othering" people leads nowhere good. Critical thinking, judgment, high standards, YES, but please no othering. People either weed themselves out or show their value the more you talk to them.

Some people really vibe well, others not so much. I'm open to getting to know all different kind of people and I also realize that it's unrealistic to expect to be BFFs with 99% of the population on earth. Just realize that you can know people in many different registers: work, community, hobbies, etc. Some you click with, some you don't, and such is life.

thinktwiceorelse · 2021-12-10T17:58:33+00:00

I had. They were either gays, or childhood friends, or cousins. We're not friends anymore now, when I'm an adult.

throwaway_332191 · 2021-12-10T18:52:45+00:00

My best friend is male. We worked in a traumatic work setting together (male dominated feild) and have a lot of friends in common. I am not really interested in overly girly things (fashion, make up) and he doesn't have overly masculine interests. But I helped him when he was recovering from alcoholism and he helped me when I lost my parents. There is nothing sexual at all, he is like an adopted brother.

I do think working in a heavily male dominated field influences it though.

Ok-Performance5997 · 2021-12-10T11:48:56+00:00

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Guyincognito9876 · 2021-12-10T19:57:58+00:00

I only have one male friend, he is very much gay! I no longer have ‘friendships’ with straight men, they never turn out to be true friends. There is always an ulterior motive.

kansascitydream · 2021-12-10T21:22:45+00:00

I am friendly with men. However, I have always found…… That they just want to date me eventually and are not true friends. When I was younger, I would have close man friends. I want more genuine friendship these days. So, I do not even bother any more. An exception would be a gay man, or if I ever met a man that doesn’t want to have sex with me or date me.

Madholley · 2021-12-10T11:45:58+00:00

For me, there is so much more I want to discuss than makeup and fashion trends. I vet my friendships just like my relationships. High value men are rare but I absolutely have platonic male friendships that I value. I am in a male-dominated industry so to not hang out one-on-one with other men would deprive me of valuable networking opportunities. Listen to your gut, and vet, but yes, I do have friendships with HVM.

xfelugirlx · 2021-12-10T19:12:00+00:00

I have two (one hetero, one lgbt) , that’s all i need. I don’t trust my other “male friendships” becausw they always keep pushing inecessary compliments or surnames😷

lostmillenia · 2021-12-10T19:14:16+00:00

I have about 2 male friends. One has been downgraded to acquaintance over time.

Years ago I was on the fight team at our MMA gym so we'd have training and sparring and go to tournament and fights together. Like 5-7 of us any fight team practice. It was pretty male dominated but I was always fine. One of my coaches is a woman.

I used to date this guy's friend briefly, but I was in my alcoholism so obvi that didnt work. Before FDS i thought why not, and at one point had said, "oh maybe one day if we are both single."

Funny, this friend and I also ended up in the dance community.

I had my latest 3 year r ship and whatnot. During the pandemic I went to this friends house to help him with something and he spent the entire time trying to convince this girl via messenger she should make an only fans and trying to sleep with her. Yikes.

So i left and deleted him off FB.

I needed a partner for dancing this fall after LV ex moved out.

I asked this dude to be my partner because hey its the devil you do know.

Ive had other dance practice partners before who were sketchy and wanted to do things like get me to join their relationship (yuck. And I was like 22)

Its been fine. We have great dance energy. We went to an event a few towns over and there's a girl he knows he was smooching on after peeping someone's lingerie pics in messenger a moment before (i walked up behind him as he approached the girl in real life).

The other night we had a dance event. He asked me to get food after. I told him no and I work in the morning. Id never hang out with him. Itd be a waste of my time. Then he said he had a question for me. Said I was hard to read but asked if I'd be interested in FWB 🤮 (and I know he has been exposed to genital herpes... as we pretty much all have since they never test for it... but yeah no)

Very respectful of my answer but yeah. Id never do that. He isnt a rapist but he's scummy and not worth a deeper friendship.

The other male friends I have are not close and we have been family friends since I was in high school and the oldest brother was in my friend group. They are evangelical christians. Their youngest son confides in me about his ex gf so there's emotional labor from me there. I dont live there any longer though so I dont talk to/see them much.

Im pretty much in the "no new male friends" camp. I dont trust my best friend's bf or my sisters'. One has a very trumpy bookcase...

I also tend to bond well superficially with gay men and we have a rockin time, but sisterhood comes first.

Once you see it you cant unsee it.

FDS-MAGICA · 2021-12-10T17:01:41+00:00

My best friend is a gay male.

I also have an ex-BF who is currently my friend, but we were friends before starting a relationship. I broke up with him. In some ways, I'm thankful that he doesn't make advances or act weird when we're together, but that's another "the bar is in hell" aspect of men: I have to be tHanKfUL that he doesn't harass me after dumping him. Ugh.

sittingstillisfun · 2021-12-10T11:24:40+00:00

I’m into rock climbing and I have “friends” who I climb with, it’s not a sport you can do solo. Most of my main climbing partners are women but I keep male “friends” as a back up. I have a partner and brother so I have no need for male friends. Men are always after free emotional labour and my time is not free.

poppy03 · 2021-12-10T13:11:37+00:00

I have one male best friend. We both like video games and we’re both ambitious and have ‘high power’ jobs. He’s also really emotionally intelligent so we talk about a lot things with each other. We are very supportive of each other. I love him so much as my friend and whatever girl gets to marry him will be really happy.

JoanGreenCat · 2021-12-10T16:06:40+00:00

I think the real friendships I have with men are online ones or people I hang out with in high school. Back then we had a group of like 5 couples and even after most aren't together we are still friends, catch up and it's pretty normal to ask opposite sex to go for a drink or just talk on the bench in a park. But every straight male I met after I was adult was my "friend" because he was hoping that eventually I will sleep with them. And once I asked a guy if it's true they are only friends with females because they want to sleep with them he said yes, unless she is very ugly then they will try to get from her all the information how to get pretty girls.

melympia · 2021-12-10T16:41:49+00:00

When growing up, I had a couple of gay male friends. They were great. Sure, they were not perfect (because nobody is), but they sure as heck were neither misogynists nor trying to get in my pants (during my teens). One of them knew more about make up than me and was seriously into fashion - also more than me. He was my dance partner. ;)

The other one was a childhood friend who loved to play with Lego and Barbie or build serious cityskapes in the sandbox just like me. (Yes, I like to build things. I also like Minecraft, what a surprise. It's like Lego on PC, but without having to search through at least one box full of Legos for the perfect piece - only to find that you've already used them all.)

Patita3 · 2021-12-10T16:51:07+00:00

I've just recently discovered this sub, but I wanted to share my experience with a few male friends that I would say I'm pretty close to and think they're HV. I feel grateful I have these close guy friends who I feel safe around, and I can share similar interests with, but when meeting new people (and I'm about to start somewhere new) I'm going to keep vetting and applying what I'm learning in this sub. It's hard being a woman at times, you can't let your guard down. I was in a male dominated field in college and I had some bad experiences where I thought they were my friend and clearly they had other motives. I feel naive thinking back to those days, and to even recently, some guy I was friends with for a while and cut off a few months ago because I got weird vibes. I now see the red flags I initially missed.

High school friend, we dated for a few months and then broke up and stopped talking, but then became friends again in college (we went to different colleges, I just meant when we were both college aged) and we would run together over summer break. We're still friends and I hangout with him one on one, if I'm back home or near his area. He's met my boyfriend and they get along, they have similar personalities. I've never gotten any shady vibes from him and I think he's a very genuine and caring person. I enjoy talking about our hobbies and just going out for beers.

My college friend, we met through a mutual friend, we've been friends for years now. He's married, I knew him before that and we were always just friends. We've stayed in touch through the years and go hiking together or just out to eat. Now we do it as the four of us. We share career advice, we're all in the same field and we have other similar interests. I recently went on a trip to his home town, out of the country, and met up with his parents again and my parents also met his. He had recommended hiking for me to do in that area.

My third close male friend, I met through work, he lived with my boyfriend and I while he got settled into the area. He was from out of state, he's been our close friend for the last two years and I also hangout with him one on one, and have a great time. He has a gf now and when she's not working (her hours are longer and sometimes she works weekends), she hangouts with us too. I also think he's a great guy and I've met his parents and really enjoyed them.

Like I said, these are my experiences, but I agree we have to be very careful and it's hard to know people's true intentions. If I were to have a red flag come up with any of my male friendships I would probably cut them off, I tend to be very open with my parents and boyfriend so I have them for support if I need to discuss something that doesn't feel right.

SnoopDoggnYay · 2021-12-10T17:17:32+00:00

I tried to have male friendships but inevitably their wife/gf gets jealous or sore and it’s gotta end. I’m no super model, but more importantly I have never done anything to disrespect their relationships nor would I ever. I’m just always like, why do you think I’d want to be some side piece to this guy? You may be in love but to me he’s just a homie 😂

otter_bott · 2021-12-10T18:24:00+00:00

I have one left. He’s on thin ice. He was in love with me years ago, told me directly, and we had an honest conversation where I clearly stated that I don’t feel that way. He never broached the topic again or made me feel uncomfortable, and went on to date other women and ultimately settle down with a long term partner. Yet I still have a nagging feeling he’s attracted to me and she picks up on it and is jealous. Its weird and it now makes me feel awkward and shitty, which I think makes the whole thing LV.

2021-12-10T22:23:06+00:00

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frustratedanon123 · 2021-12-11T01:32:46+00:00

I have one real male friend I've known since I was 15. Aside from my brothers he is the only man I'd ever hang out with 1:1. The rest are merely associates.

Thereismorethanthis · 2021-12-11T01:36:21+00:00

Yes, I am very close to one man and have been for years. He lives across the globe tho.

chainsawbobcat · 2021-12-11T02:38:20+00:00

Yes I have quite a few from my college cohort, they are still close friends.

I'm not hanging out on Saturday nights since with these friends, most live elsewhere - we catch up on the phone. If I were to see them it would be inclusive of their girlfriend or spouses, or in a group reunion of all our friends.

But as a 33 year old smoking hot single woman, no Im definately not make a new male friends.

To be fair, I was not this hot in my 20s. But also to be fair, the 10s were pretty rough for fashion.

dancinqqq · 2021-12-11T02:39:15+00:00

I have quite a few aquaintences, but we all hang out in a group setting and not very often.

I only have one very close guy friend. Me and him are 21 and have known each other since we were in 7th grade. Im very close to his family. Whenever i started dating, I was very transparent about our friendship with all of my all boyfriends from the beginning(including my current). They did not have an issue with it due to my transparency.

I think a close and healthy friendship CAN work, but only if both parties agree that it is STRICTLY friendship. Exes being friends do not work. FWBs being friends do not work. I also think a discussion on boundaries is needed in terms of when either party gets into a relationship. We both spoke about it and how our partners and their comfortability comes FIRST.

Peak_Tree · 2021-12-11T03:20:39+00:00

A couple. One I know because of a medical procedure we both had to have and other because a girl friend introduced us ( a girl friend that is not a pick me off course).

They are nice but I never got as close to them as I am to my woman friends (I've always been good at making woman friends since forever, so those cool girl in a group of men triangulation techniques never worked on me ) and I've had NO incidents of innuendo, or anything that gives me a whiff of second intentions...the moment that changes they'll be ex friends.

EDIT: I've always seen them only in mixed group setting and I'm not planning to change that ever tbh.

enchantedglow · 2021-12-11T04:08:35+00:00

No. And I haven’t had one in years lol

Not_2day_Baby · 2021-12-11T08:24:55+00:00

My male friends are the reason I don’t trust men. 😂

intergalacticanon44 · 2021-12-11T09:59:57+00:00

Too many male friends will see you as a potential gf/hookup/fwb. No thank you. I’m perfectly fine with my brothers LOL

goatismycopilot · 2021-12-11T13:09:12+00:00

In general, no. I do have a few male aquaintances that I have some degree of friendliness because we cross paths through a few activities done locally. I am pleasant when I see them but rarely socialize with them outside that activity.

Based on past experiences I do not see the piont. All my close friends are women and I see no reason to change that.

cheezbrod · 2021-12-12T01:45:34+00:00

I am very picky when it comes to anyone I keep around - I have maybe 2-3 male friends that I can name off the top of my head as good friends I trust. One of them is gay, another I’ve known for years, and the third I lived with (with other roommates). They are completely respecting of women and boundaries and have never given me the slightest hint that they’ve been into me. Ever.

Even after moving across the country and being in multiple relationships (as well as them being in relationships) they still kept contact and remain supportive, steady friends.

I attribute this to just being lucky in who I got to meet. Have I had male “friends” who have just wanted to get with me - absolutely - and they lacked a lot of the traits that these friends have.

One of my male friends works in healthcare and I ask for a lot of advice and guidance that he is more than happy to give. All in all, our personalities across my male friends is just simply very similar. We jive - platonically.

To this, I think it comes down to my sexual orientation. I like women too - I understand how a friendship should work outside of attraction and things to look out for when it’s not just a friendship someone is looking for because I recognize that in myself and my own actions, feelings, and motivations.

Partyavoider29 · 2021-12-12T09:54:42+00:00

I'll only be friends with them in a group setting or an online space. No 1:1s. I keep the scope of conversation pretty narrow. And maybe I should, but I don't really care if there's an underlying attraction to me. That's their problem.

motokos_ghost · 2021-12-12T15:12:10+00:00

i have one male friend, i've known him for about 12 years. i think the reason our relationship works is because we're not attracted to each other. we aren't each others type and there are boundaries in place we have never crossed. he also grew up mormon, (he isn't anymore) so he isn't porn addicted and has a generally HV look on life. we don't act super close, give each other gifts, or confide in each other on deep topics. we do complain about our crazy parents and banter though. that's it.

Title	Do you have any male friends?
Author	fireforestfairy
Upvotes	246
Comments	123
Date	December 10, 2021 10:29 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/rd5t5v/do_you_have_any_male_friends/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/do-you-have-any-male-friends.1087642 https://theredarchive.com/post/1087642

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