Preach it 👏🏻

Maude2010 · 2021-04-09T23:47:44+00:00

Men will use women for practice or just as placeholders until they find who they want. Sometimes they know who they want even while they’re doing this.

I knew one woman who was dating a guy for a few years. He proposed. He bought “them” a house, let her choose everything she wanted to renovate and furnish it. Then when it was perfect and ready for them to move in, he ghosted her, blocked her on everything, and moved in someone else who he married a few months later. Posted all the pics all over social media where all of his and the placeholder’s mutual friends could see them.

I think only a sociopath could do something like this, yet I hear these stories all the time.

M1nette · 2021-04-09T23:14:16+00:00

These men didn’t change for who they wanted, they saw something they wanted and are now keeping up an act to keep having access to it. In a few years time, they’ll be treating her exactly like the others. LVM never change.

GreatOrchidAmbition · 2021-04-09T21:17:59+00:00

[deleted]

missangel89 · 2021-04-09T22:45:45+00:00

ALL actions are indicative of character. If men selectively treat people well, that's not a HVM.

Being a good person in all ways is paramount in a partner.

Watzoo · 2021-04-10T02:23:13+00:00

I always say this. I'm sure the men who stalk this sub probably think I'm "craaaazy" because I think men who do this to women are fucking sociopaths

If he isn't talking about marriage after one year, LEAVE. Do not let some psycho male steal your best years. Men do not fucking care. I find it so alarming actually that MOST men would actually be capable of wasting a woman's best years just because they find it more convenient to have a live-in bangmaid while they level up.

Also, remember, men view women as significantly less valuable when we age...only inc*** will actually say it, but most men thinks our value begins to plummet after age 30. So, these men who deceive their forever girlfriends and then dump them to move on...be aware that what they are doing to the woman is EVEN worse in their own minds. To us, the dumped forever girlfriend is ultimately going to be fine, so what, she is 30, she can heal and find love again. The man who disposed of her is under the impression that he just tricked her into giving him her only precious window to find a good man and settle down. He thinks he has just condemned her to being lonely or having to accept a lower quality of life. This doesn't matter to them because men dehumanize women they consider as less than beautiful. Hurting them gives men pleasure. It boosts their ego.

Dehumanizing and using humans as tools, the classic sign of a sociopath. I only repeat myself because the male-controlled society doesn't acknowledge this. You're not allowed to call a spade a spade when it comes to men's sexual activities, basically. Anything men do, as long as it is to service their peepees, is forcefully normalized and anyone who goes against it is ostracized. Like how anyone who criticizes p0rn is ridiculed, accused of being "jealous", accused of being "crazy."

ENFP_Canadian · 2021-04-09T22:55:52+00:00

If they're narcs, they do not change. They just learn how to manipulate the next target for supply even better during the idealization phase. It will look like they have changed until the mask drops when devaluation begins.

randomgirlimok · 2021-04-10T01:45:53+00:00

She’s wrong, they don’t change. They all go back to their old ways eventually.

fdssavedmylife · 2021-04-09T21:31:40+00:00

Hmm I’m pretty sure this isn’t set in FDS stone, but I’m in the camp that LVM never change (or at least not in six months post relationship). But explaining why you’re upset to them does make it easier to fake it with the next woman. He didn’t “change for the right person.” There’s nothing about the next woman that makes her more special than you. But of course I agree that we should never “teach” men how to treat us right. If they wanted to, they would.

ETA: it seems like she’s saying, “break up with him because you’re not good enough for him (and that’s why he’s treating you poorly)” whereas I’d prefer to simply preach, “break up with him because he’s treating you poorly.” That’s all ya need to know.

LavaDogged · 2021-04-10T03:05:29+00:00

Best friend dated a guy that strung her along for ten years. He kept adding “conditions” on her for him to be ready for marriage and kept giving her excuses even after she met said conditions (lose ten pounds, make this much money, own a home, etc). He fully well knew she wanted children and was planning for it. They broke up and within six months he had married someone else and got her pregnant right away. My friend was 37 when they split, is 40 now and still recovering from the trauma dude caused her. Fuck guys like this, for real.

catchaleaf · 2021-04-10T00:42:57+00:00

Sorry no, a guy doing this is a LVM, he never really changes. He only fakes it. Really hate narratives like this. She is being a pickme, please change the flair. This isn’t good advice to women it places a burden on women like they aren’t enough, when really LVM trick women and the cycle repeats.

NottodayScrote · 2021-04-09T22:19:41+00:00

No. I thought the same thing about my ex and his mistress the first couple weeks because he did the same bs. Until he started asking me for bjs and begging me to take him back wherever she wasn't around. He also became abusive to her after a bit too. I had to call the cops on him because I heard her screaming and walked in on him trying to force her out of her clothes. Don't be fooled by a lvm scam

MadamLeFay · 2021-04-10T00:10:04+00:00

After I typed a giant wall of text about my personal stories, I realized I could just get to the point instead.

Men who either marry quickly or do every single thing they wouldn't do for you are in it for something. Money, place to live, access to someone's children because they're a pedo, etc. A lot of them put on a great big show because they have to prove that it wasn't them, it was you that was a "problem".

Monstermagnetmarye · 2021-04-09T21:32:32+00:00

No a lvm will stay lvm. He will trick her but than once locked will turn into his lvm self again. HVM will not stay in a relationship they do not want.

notstrongenoughyet0 · 2021-04-10T12:14:05+00:00

"Because you're not the woman they want to be with." "People change for who they want." NO. NO. I don't like this message. At all. I've been seeing it in this sub for a while and, to be honest, sometimes I feel like I need to distance myself from this group because some of the things said here are borderline offensive and an example of victim-blaming.

Let me start by saying this. You could be doing everything right. You could have a great job, you could be the most beautiful woman, the most social person out there, help tons of people and still fall victim to a narcissistic man. This is the dangerous parts about domestic abuse: the fact that, no matter how much you watch out for red flags, for proof that he's committed, that he values you, there is still a chance that it is only a mask that he will take off the second you exhibit vulnerability.No, queens, not only "pickmes" fall and stay with abusive men. It has been scientifically proven that these relationships affect the same parts of the brain that heroine does. It is not an excuse, it is not stupid: it is a serious addiction and in most cases you're not even aware of it because of the brainwashing of society.

Second of all, I honestly don't understand how you can be naive enough to believe that a man marrying someone is an example that he's changed and is a better person now. If anything, it perpetuates the notion that he is a narcissist who gets off of all the pain he knows he is inflicting on the woman he has been decades with granting another woman everything she wanted from him. It is a clear example of triangulating behaviour. A good man doesn't discard you for the new shiny thing that comes along. Dangling marriage like a carrot into someone's face is manipulative, deceptive, and part of the series of tactics narcissists use to control you. You're delusional if you seriously believe that he just found his soulmate and decided to stop being a shitty person and become high value.

Why am I so sure of this? Just look at what is underneath his actions: entitlement, lack of empathy and a depersonalization of women. Seeing them as things that bring you more or less utility, with no qualms on moving onto anything that seems more exciting. Because excitement is all that they crave. They don't "want" these women more than they wanted you. They want the rush they get from chasing them, the eagerness to please and adapt from younger women, the attention they get, the status they acquire from someone "prettier", the rush they feel from discarding you and leaving you broken and destroyed. It is a game for them. Their actions do not respond to rationality, but impulses and cravings. They are immature and emotionally stunted. Do not make the mistake of thinking their choice is anything but part of the game they themselves have created to feel important.

Because the game never ends. A marriage doesn't mean living happily ever after. They still crave the look of confusion on their partner's face when they gaslight her. They crave the rush from triangulating her with other pretty women. They love the game of, slowly but surely, stripping their partner away from confidence in herself, from loving herself. They love the rollercoaster of idealization and devaluation they put their partners through: it's all they can do. If they have no problems, they'll create them. Endless justifications that come from their ingrained need of control and domination. These people can't change, ladies. They are truly damaged and too addicted to the privileges that come with controlling your partner to let it go and become a better person.

I know what I'm talking about. My ex proposed to me after being together for less than two years when he had been with the mother of his kids for over 9 years without marrying her. Did he suddenly become Prince Charming once he found a naive girl half his age? Not at all. He only got better at using his mask and targeting his preys. He abused me as well, isolated me from friends, triangulated, gaslighted, anything in the book. I'd be damned if I seriously believed that I'm better than the mother of his kids because he proposed to me, or that he wanted me more, or any of that bullshit. No, ladies. Her and I are wonderful, kind people who happened to fall in love with a narcissist, and the only things that separate us is that I had the luck of not getting pregnant and the privilege of having a family who did not give up on me.

I'm honestly tired of this narrative that makes some people think they are better than other women and that anyone is an abusive relationship is a "pickme" and is at fault for having low standards or "letting men get away with x thing" because this denotes a lack of understanding of domestic violence dynamics and basic psychology. Apologies to the OP if I sound harsh and this message definitely isn't only directed at her, but other attitudes that I see in this sub every time I log in. A part of me thinks this is some kind of a coping mechanism some ladies here make for also being victims of abusive relationships. They feel more comfortable if there is something they can control and start believing that, somehow, they could've avoided certain things if they had been "high value". But the truth is that sometimes it's a matter of luck not to cross paths with a psychopath. There is little to do to avoid it from happening and the emphasis should be placed in empowering women from leaving abusers or to love themselves enough to acknowledge when they deserve better.

Anyway, sorry for the rant. I'll probably take a vacation from reddit altogether because this is one of the few subs i'm in and feels triggering sometimes, but I want to let you know, whoever you're reading this, that you're wonderful and you're more than enough and men that have been trash will always be trash because they will not be willing to drop the privileges they get from these attitudes. For more info/references, I recommend reading "Why does he do that?" by Lundy Bancroft and "Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare" by Shahida Arabi. Arabi has also great videos in youtube, so I recommend her and Dr. Ramani.

spicyspa · 2021-04-09T22:33:44+00:00

I don't like her framing because it motivates women to contort themselves to be acceptable to a fickle man. It's a pointless pickme strategy. Plus she's talking about something that occurs short-term. 6 months is the honeymoon stage meant to get the new love interest hooked. Then he pulls the same shit on the 2nd.

After that, the new gal is the ball and chain and the former gal, if she wisely blocked and deleted, unknowingly becomes the one who got away. Now the scrote becomes vexed and miserable. If gal 2 is wise, she'll dump his ass too and now he has 2 "ones that got away." He will be doubly vexed.

Here's where it gets really good. Gals A and B run into each other, swap stories and warn all the other gals to avoid the crumbly ass scrote. That's when he will reach the vexing trifecta ad infinitum. Neutralized.

eviewevie · 2021-04-10T00:08:40+00:00

Her dress is giving me 'when you've got a work meeting at 4 but getting married at 6'

Confection_Efficient · 2021-04-10T00:23:38+00:00

I also think some men are just incapable of change and have no desire to change for any woman.

souredskittles · 2021-04-09T21:19:19+00:00

~~Straight facts~~ Isn’t this the same lady who created the picktok where she said whoever wants to be a queen should treat him like a king? 🤔🙄

~~Nonetheless, great clip.~~ Edited

copperhead96 · 2021-04-10T04:57:50+00:00

I honestly think that you ultimately cannot control how someone treats you. I think women get the blame for everything lmao. Even a man's actions (or inaction). Marriages might last or not. A man can love a woman one minute and then completely leave her the next one. I don't even think that is necessarily time wasted. People are good for what they are.

But I am sick and tired of people blaming a woman for a failed marriage/relationship. There isn't any definitive signs to see most of the time. The only thing that is completely beyond our control in life is how someone decides to treat us. That is the reality/risk of engaging in relationship (whether romantic or platonic) It is just how you react to it once it occurs. As the great president once said: it is what it is.

exhalefierceness · 2021-04-10T03:30:02+00:00

Mmmm, I don’t exactly agree with what she said at the end. If a man “changes” for a woman, just know he’s changing his tactic to be able to manipulate her better in order to get what he wants

If a man treats one of his partners poorly, you can bet he will treat his future partners the same or worse

missisabelarcher · 2021-04-10T01:36:49+00:00

I really sometimes dislike this kind of tone in self-help/advice, where it fronts like being "tough love" but it's actually borderline abusive and blaming. I got gaslighted, blame-shifted and overburdened with responsibility enough by men, I don't need to take it from a self-styled relationship guru.

That said, it's easy to fake being a HVM in the early stages of a relationship, because of being high on happy hormones and everything is shiny and new. Or they're a narc and lovebombing. You don't really truly know one another and haven't had to navigate any real challenges together.

Come back to the show in a few months or years after you've been "caught" and it takes genuine skill to keep a relationship thriving. Honestly many just check out when they get to the point where relationships feel like "work" or a "chore" or just some sludge they have to get through to get what they want: sex, housekeeping, an ongoing date, etc. Once you stop doing all the emotional labor and start asking them to participate, bring something to the table or just invest or CARE, they leave. It's just too hard for them.

If they end up staying, it's likely because their partner is probably willing to fall into the role he wants filled. I think most men think about the role they want filled and try to find someone to fill it, whereas women find someone (anyone!) they love, for better or worse, and are conditioned to accept what they get from them.

In many ways, maybe it's not a bad thing to think of romance like a man: I have a role I want a man to fill in my life in a certain way, and if he can't live up to it, forget it. You will get men crying about how they just want to be accepted for who they are, but I've found as I get older and see long term life partnerships play out around me, rarely do they extend the same spirit of genuine acceptance to their female partners.

bizzybumblebee · 2021-04-10T00:08:41+00:00

ok but what is that outfit 😂

hippiepotomus · 2021-04-10T00:03:35+00:00

content aside, I'm so confused and disturbed by that dress...

ragingchump · 2021-04-10T02:04:50+00:00

Fuck this.

Men leave LTRs for fantasy land bc they are cowards.

Not bc they do things they wouldnt for you bc they dont want you......but bc you were strong enough and adult enough to state your needs...and emasculated them or wtf-ever.

Come the fuck on

PurpyPops · 2021-04-10T03:31:13+00:00

Ugh, this is so true. Unfortunately my children have had to come on this ride with me. Abusive, alcoholic, low value dad becomes hard working, successful fiance and father figure to his step kids.

PearlEarringGirl · 2021-04-09T23:47:20+00:00

Him doing all of these things with someone else means that he registered those things in his mind and knew that they would make you happy, so he deliberately chose not to do the with you because he didn’t think you were worth the effort. Who would like to be with something (yeah, someTHING) like that?

Emergency-Feed8216 · 2021-04-10T15:13:52+00:00

The speaker makes a great point about not being a forever-gf, but leaves out how the asshole eventually reverts to original asshole form after marriage.

I was the unwitting "beneficiary" who got the proposal and princely act. Even before learning of the long term gf and how she'd been treated, I sensed something wormy, two-faced and delusional. Learning of the former gf just confirmed it. I took myself out of the picture quickly and of course it turns out later the guy was a worm to every woman he was with.

No decent human being robs 5/10 years of someone's life and strings them along like that.

allergictoscrotes · 2021-04-10T02:25:31+00:00

This woman has a history of stealing other creators content word for word. Herspective on tik tok covered it a couple days ago (highly HIGHLY recommend following her if you don’t already).

Wildestrose1988 · 2021-04-10T07:32:38+00:00

Okay first of all that's a show.. what she saying is partly true but what's actually going on is a form of narcissistic abuse. They literally do this to manipulate and drive their ex insane.. it's mostly fake and behind closed doors their new relationship is probably a nightmare as well

ThrowRA_lantern · 2021-04-09T23:23:40+00:00

This is probably only valid if the woman is toxic or LV and he’s stuck in an toxic/abusive cycle with her. Like obviously her demanding “better treatment” would not be worthwhile and he’s better off finding someone better that he feels safer and happier with.

But I don’t think this video applies where HE is LV because those kinds of guys will never move on and treat the next girl right. That’s a complete lie- they don’t change. They just pretend to treat the next girl better just to peeve their exes off and convince himself he’s actually a HV guy. But he’s probably just the same LVM behind closed doors.

ComfortableHead3 · 2021-04-09T23:30:14+00:00

Dayumn...

throwaway32132134 · 2021-04-10T14:32:23+00:00

So I just made this comment on another post and I think it's worth noting here. I think reframing the situation is important in these kind of situations. I think looking at what he's doing for the new girlfriend and how it compares to you (atleast in my case) makes you feel like you aren't good enough. Instead of comparing (because how he treats people is out of your control) I think we should look at it as he didn't meet your standards so he's not a part of your life. How he treats others is irrelevant. Whether he met her standards and not yours doesn't matter. What matters is that your standards we're not met. It's not about him, it's about you. What matters is how he treated you. You deserve to be respected, valued and cherished. Anyone that can't do that shouldn't be a part of your life. I think we as women really need to shift our mindsets from "what I am bringing to the table?" to "what is he adding to MY life?". Either your standards are met or you are out.

2021-04-10T02:24:53+00:00

Stop making excuses for a man when he won’t even make excuses for himself. If he wanted to he would no question. Don’t beg for anything. Start replacing “cant” with “won’t “ and you will see who they really are.

M1nette · 2021-04-10T06:44:47+00:00

Don't blame the victim

akashyaboa · 2021-04-10T11:00:52+00:00

That's the same lady that said to normalise marrying a non financially stable man...

EucalyptusLeafJuice · 2021-04-09T23:20:53+00:00

👏👏👏

aquietsword · 2021-04-10T04:24:07+00:00

Can't upvote this enough. This shit is like wanting a prepared meal but ending up with one of those Blue Apron boxes. And instead of giving it away immediately and getting what you want, you put all this work and time into it. But then you get too tired of the process and just hand the full ass meal to someone else. Except this is worse because men will purposefully be shitstains and never apply what you said because you called them out on their inadequacies and now they're angry and pretty like children.

They like to act like women just wanting to vent is sooo dumb because they are the Problem Solvers and if you have a problem they can't help but come up with A Solution as if they are uniquely gifted in that arena. So, if there's a problem and he can't identify and solve it, move on. Because that's a stupid man. Operating below the capacity of your average male. And who wants to date a stupid man?

cellard00r18 · 2021-04-10T16:01:57+00:00

That’s on periodt

throwaway32132134 · 2021-04-10T17:52:05+00:00

Am I the only one that feels like she talks like a news reporter in her tiktoks?

deudeo · 2021-04-11T15:01:24+00:00

If he wanted to, he would

Title	Preach it 👏🏻
Author	German_girl97
Upvotes	2003
Comments	128
Date	April 9, 2021 9:14 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/mnqusp/preach_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/preach-it.763798 https://theredarchive.com/post/763798

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