Weekly FDS Check-in

BBQCoolRanchQueen · 2021-07-12T14:32:47+00:00

I'm very proud of myself. I saw one of my LVM exes yesterday when I was on my way back from an evening walk with my toddler and HVM husband. My anxiety spiked and I felt nauseous. We were walking across a small pedestrian bridge and we were forced to be within 5 feet of each other. I hadn't seen him in years. I didn't let my anxiety show. I didn't engage. It took everything in me not to react in front of him (shake, flip him the bird, tell him off, point him out to my husband, etc). He never raised a hand to me but his words could surely cut one to ribbons. To the point I quit guitar (and my performances), drawing, singing, dancing, and seeing my friends. He cut me down about my height, makeup, face, gaslit me about my weight, etc.

It took years of therapy to get over what he did to my mental health and self-esteem, "nice" guy that he is. Amidst all of that, I remembered in that split second, what would FDS do? I paid him no more mind or time glancing at him than I would a stranger on the street. I walked be him like I didn't know him. We made it home and I took a few minutes to pause, breathe, and get through the flashbacks. The temptation to drink alcohol cropped back up after being sober a few years. I'm not gonna drink over a scrote, so I put a kettle on for tea instead. After about 15 minutes, I was back to my regular happy self, because I'm not going to give him a space in my head rent-free.

I wrote a journal of the sighting, time, date, location, in case he ever comes back. I doubt he will, but never underestimate a scrote and cover your ass. Thank you, FDS, for helping a sis level up her reaction. The best reaction is no reaction.

GiraffeLibrarian · 2021-07-12T16:38:18+00:00

Can we talk about how many men consider their obese bodies a “dad bod?” I didn’t realize how common of an excuse to be disgustingly out of shape it is becoming.

AngryTiger69 · 2021-07-12T16:00:27+00:00

I just wanted to complain and get some things off my chest. I often find myself feeling bitter over the notion of men constantly trying to manipulate me into having sex with them. When I was 20, it at least used to flatter me even if I wasn’t interested because it validated my ego that I’m an attractive woman. Now I’m 30 and I don’t find this shit flattering at all. Like it isn’t a compliment to me that men want to sleep with me. I just want them to leave me alone and stop pretending to be one of the “nice ones”.

The nice ones don’t actually claim to be “nice” and they show they are nice by actually being respectful of your boundaries (in the context of male friends in social situations/ group settings)

HoneyBouquet · 2021-07-12T16:06:34+00:00

Have decided when I start dating again in a few months - I will establish a one month no touching rule. This will include hugs, any kind of kissing and so forth. I will use this time to vet the guys properly and see if an emotional connection is established first.

I am not compromising looks wise - this stays the same of what I find physically attractive or intelligence wise - if they can't keep up with me conversation wise I get bored.

I have 3 weeks now until my big move from London to UAE! Please send me lots of prayers and love sisters!!!

Suspicious-Judge-380 · 2021-07-12T16:58:50+00:00

my cousin who used to be my best friend got engaged to an absolute scrote last night. there are so many things wrong with this and my heart is aching.... she’s 20 :/

anotherdamnloser · 2021-07-13T01:38:10+00:00

I got a promotion!!!!! I never thought I’d be where I am today. It feels good, to have a real job that is a career and getting me somewhere. A decent salary, some stock… perks. I am still in awe that I did this!!

Any_Indication_2754 · 2021-07-12T16:17:22+00:00

Hypothesis: LVM and LVW use "I have to find out if we're sExUaLlY CoMpAtIbLe" as an excuse to use women for sex or to get a man to pick her, early on.

Mighty_Wombat42 · 2021-07-12T19:53:37+00:00

Currently my main focus is leveling up my education. I have been accepted into multiple universities to complete my bachelor’s degree! Two of them are both fairly prestigious in my field, both with excellent post-graduation employment rates and projected salaries, both with opportunities for internships, networking, and help with getting started in my career once I graduate. Both have also offered me pretty significant scholarship packages.

I’m really excited to have gotten this far, a few years ago I never thought I’d be able to be a full time student again and here I am! But I’m having a hard time choosing between the two schools. I’m used to having to pick the lesser evil basically so I’m trying really hard to consider what is truly best for me and not be in that scarcity mindset. Anyone have advice for how to choose between two good options?

mamadgaf · 2021-07-12T14:35:19+00:00

What is considered an age gap? Someone commented on a post I made about me (mid-40’s) vetting a man who is 50. She said FDS doesn’t support an age gap but wasn’t able to define what an age gap is when I asked for clarification. For me, 50 is the top of the age range of men I am dating (I’m basically looking at 40-50).

So, is it 2 years, 4 years, 6 years? What’s within the appropriate age range?

I feel like a decade is a definite age gap. I feel like 2 years is not. But in between 2 and 10, what is the acceptable range?

fleuretpomme · 2021-07-13T03:47:58+00:00

I'm feeling sad today. Leveling up can be lonely. I reconnected with an old college friend. She has a (seemingly) HV boyfriend who is good looking. Now she's a sweet person, but she has her share of issues or negatives... she can't drive, has never been able to hold down more than a part time job, has untreated mental illnesses, dropped out of college, and has a lot of college debt. But yet she has a bf who loves her to the moon. Then there's me, who will give someone the shirt off my back and has worked hard to build a life and career, and the only people who approach me are polyamorous dad bod types. No joke. I have got to move from where I live. Whenever I travel anywhere, I get higher quality across the board matches

warinmymind94 · 2021-07-12T20:31:22+00:00

I went back to OLD! this is a way to dip my foot in the water and sort of practice FDS. I haven't had much luck finding open events that aren't at bars.

Also RSVPed to my cousins wedding. no date, no plus one. My uncle was nice about it. It made me happy. He said "just you?" And I said "yes" and that was it he said okay and we talked about other stuff. You do NOT need a DATE to attend anyone's wedding. I think bringing along someone like a sister /bff should be more normalized if you really don't want to go alone.

I'm spotting red flags quickly on OLD

The amount of men that are 30 and still asking to snapchat is disturbing. I responded back to 2 "snapchat? I haven't used that in years" and then cue the boundary pushing and negging to which I blocked. Now I immediately just block. One of the guys seemed okay to talk with as he brought up stuff from the OLD bio and made effort for an interesting convo. Then he ruined IT by throwing in "Can I add you on snap?" 😑

Old pickme me would have stopped what I was doing and ran to the bathroom to fix my hair /makeup quick and practice angles in the mirror 🤡

Also, I put in the effort. None of these scrotes bother to read the bio OR the match guide which literally spells out how to talk to me. There is a flood of low effort messages. Hi and "how r u". Mfs can't event spell out "are" and "you". This isn't 2009 and high school, we aren't limited to a basic cell phone with no keyboard.

I practiced energy matching/mirroring to test that too. Its funny because these scrotes will go back and forth with the low energy one words "lol" "right" "nice" "cool" hoping that I am the one to do the legwork and fuel the convo. They just get blocked.

If they would read they would see i clearly stated a bunch of my hobbies, mentioned the general field I work in, moving, and mentioned a place I traveled to. Its so easy for me to make convo in real life or old because I would ask like "I saw you like this sport. Are you a fan of the team, how's the stadium?" Or "it looks like you've traveled to X, I've heard such and such about it, whats it really like?"

Theyre freaking THIRTY YEARS OLD. Making conversation is not that hard. Yet I get generic boring ass small talk "ask me anything" and "how r u" and "good morning" and "what are your hobbies?" ...uh read my damn bio.

Where do the blue collar guys hangout? Honestly, they've been better experiences. They tend to have a good work ethic, value their time and money, be better with money, and tend to like "being the man" and "taking care of a woman". I always look around when I take my car in but the dudes that take care of me their always are older and have rings on.

Golden_Lavender · 2021-07-12T16:02:08+00:00

Disclaimer: Nuance. What irks me about the boundary issue is how people have no accountability for their actions and use their boundaries as an excuse to belittle or disvalue others. I recently saw on a archived post on another sub about relationships where a woman talked about how she wished that her husband would acknowledge that even though they're working on repairing their relationship from past issues, she wished that he would acknowledge that he had hurt her regardless of intent and it's difficult to move past without acknowledgement of the damage he caused her. Another person on that thread said that she was "putting herself in a victim mindset" because she wanted acknowledgment for her feelings. Needed to change her "interpretation of his actions as a reflection of how he feels towards her and instead change it to how she views herself" regardless of the intent behind said actions " and asked her "why does her husband have to acknowledge her pain".

People go on and on about how self worth and validation have to come from within and sure to a certain extent, but humans are social creatures and they are shaped by their interactions at all stages of their life not just childhood. Even as an adult you need safe relationships to feel validated and that validation is not exclusive to children. I see this trend of people who act like they have absolutely no effect on you whatsoever and that any hurt you do feel comes from a place of deep seated insecurity and they did not contribute at all to your current state of mind. Even well adjusted adult individuals need validation not want but need. This is why the Gottman institute said that relationships in which partners turn to their bids of attention are always so successful. Its an unpopular opinion to say but to an extent finding self worth does come from other people in how they treat you.

Like even if you didn't mean to hurt someone you should still be aware that there are consequences to your actions, not necessarily a punishment or something but at the very least an apology. Negligence or ignorance can still hurt and you shouldn't be trying to excuse what you said or did as not a big deal "because that's not what you meant". It doesn't matter what you meant your actions hurt someone. Unintentional harm without acknowledge and active change is manipulation at best abuse at worst.

A lot of people will tell you that what your feeling is your responsibility, which is true that you are responsible for how you react, but to completely ignore the fact that someone put you or you to someone else in an uncomfortable position because of words or actions regardless of the intent behind is manipulative?) We see it all the time in relationship threads that if you feel negatively about a situation then it's your fault for your insecurity but its your partners fault if you experience happiness. That is not how it works, its possible for people to affect you self esteem, mental health, cause you to feel jealous or insecure and you are not wrong for feeling that. People contribute to a healthy and safe environment to each other, we are interdependent. You can self validate all you want and pretend that words don't hurt you but that will literally never be true.

MissouriBlue · 2021-07-12T18:16:38+00:00

I’ve a mini-update on the guy I recently removed from my life.

I’ve had a family member of his confirm that he’s either a narcissist or a sociopath. And a lifelong compulsive liar. And their father was actually committed to a mental health facility at one point. (50% of sociopaths are genetic, 50% are environmental)

His pattern is to line up the next victim (bigger, better deal) while future faking his current spouse. (So my watching his network traffic on Adult Friend Finders dot com, was accurate — and he was gaslighting me about it only being a pop-under link.)

This explains a LOT! of the behaviors I witnessed. I’m glad to have the answer. Now I can read up on it and reinforce that it wasn’t ME, it was his SOP.

After Wednesday, he will be blocked/deleted and this nightmare will be concluded.

Time to turn the page on that chapter!

candyfox84 · 2021-07-12T20:26:39+00:00

I just want to share a tip on self care. I used peppermint oil in my bathtub this weekend (just a few drops). I also rubbed a bit on my neck and shoulders (this particular essential oil was safe for skin). The combination of the cool tingling peppermint oil with the hot water was so divine! Also, the fragrance was fantastic for opening up your breathing with the combination of the steam from the water. You could also use eucalyptus (although it's poisonous to pets FYI).

catsarepawsome · 2021-07-13T21:36:54+00:00

not doing so great this week. I set a firm boundary with someone a few weeks ago, and he wanted some time to think it over. I think it's clear the answer is not going to be one I'd want to hear, which is why I haven't heard back. It sucks and I miss him.

Partypuppers · 2021-07-13T13:22:29+00:00

Does anybody in the UK watch Love Island? It's fascinating to see all the dynamics from an FDS lens - most of the boys make decisions based on 'muh penis', there are a number of pick me girls and I've spotted sooo many red flags it's like a communist rally in that villa.

virgoran · 2021-07-15T07:08:34+00:00

Holy. Fuck. Girls. Have I dodged the largest bullet of my life? I have been on three dates, THREE, with some guy that was masking as HV. HE just sent me a text telling me he applied for some government job, and listed me as his partner. What the actual fuck? I'm fuming.

spiderunderweb · 2021-07-13T04:29:19+00:00

Went to a Zumba class on Monday. It was so much fun to dance and excersise at the same time. I really like this gym where the classes are held at. The other women hold me accountable to workout with them. I have also been drinking more tea each day to improve my water intake. Additionally, I applied to some more jobs taking an extra step to ring up a few companies beforehand. FDS has also taught me to vet companies too. So far a few companies kept the location of the employment vague on their website. turns out some are 2 hours away from where I thought it would be. I also checked which companies would line with my university schedule. I am putting my education first, so it is Important to me that I can find work in a company that complements my commitments too.

At the end of this week my gym trial ends, however I am trialing a second gym for a week before deciding which gym to go to. This week I plan to apply for jobs each day as this is the area I want to level up the most at the moment. At the end of the week I will look at my university readings and get started on those!

the_ghost_of_ · 2021-07-13T01:46:36+00:00

What do you do when you feel so torturously lonely?

luvmyvulvaxoxo · 2021-07-15T14:35:25+00:00

I'm so fucking sick of men on Reddit whine about male abuse. There's an 'unexpected' video where a woman swats at her husband for drunkenly dancing with a performer.

That lady is older. She's a woman. She's clearly not lifting weights. And she doesn't even really make contact with him! She looked like she was hitting a fly!

Yet all the scrotes are going on and on about how sad it is to see this type of abuse blah blah blah. While there are MULTIPLE subs dedicated to men beating the shit out of women, either in an aggressive way or a sexual way.

Go cry on those subs fuckwads. Why do you not give a fuck about that????

lilac-hiraeth · 2021-07-12T14:29:42+00:00

I finally went no contact with my ex after months of abusive, gaslighting, trauma bonding sex and told him to contact me when he has legal representation to set up parenting plans and debt repayments plans (lol like this one will ever happen)! I let him back and forth because of the kids but also because I wasn’t ready to let go. It wasn’t smart, it didn’t provide stability for the kids, it didn’t let me start to forgive myself for allowing his abuse so I made the cut. It was hard. I had to talk myself out of calling him several times; including when my son was feeling rough after his covid shot and I wanted the emotional support….but I didn’t, and every day it gets easier.

I’m exhausted from single parenting and full time work in the summer but otherwise I don’t even notice the absence of whatever benefits I thought my ex brought to my life. I got my dad to come babysit this weekend and took myself out on my first solo date (an evening river walk and some cultural connections). This was the first time I’ve done something on my own in nearly 20 years and I enjoyed myself! I talked to interesting people on the way and it was such a good refresher that life goes on and I can be happy on my own! Definitely going to keep up the time out and by myself!

Independent_Tank_233 · 2021-07-12T18:23:01+00:00

I’m not even looking to date at this point in my life. This sub and podcast have changed my life though. I had never have people tell me that it was ok to not prioritize others over myself before. I love Female Dating Strategy for the self improvement and focus on physical, mental, financial health and so much more.

2021-07-13T14:20:11+00:00

My dear FDS-Sisters,

this will be my last comment on this website because I have decided to delete my Reddit account after being on this hellsite for over 8 years now.

This has nothing to do with this subreddit (matter of fact it is THE reason I still stayed here), I just don’t want to spend time on this website anymore. But Reddit as a whole has become so unbearable (misogyny, which was always there but ever since I stopped being a ”cool girl” I just can’t ignore it anymore, censorship, the push to turn Reddit into another Facebook, the godawful re-design getting shoved down our throats and so much more) that I always leave this site feeling miserable.

Also, I will soon go to university in a new country/city with new people and I don’t want to repeat my past mistakes of letting people and experiences get away by spending so much time on this garbage website. I found Reddit when I was really young (16) and at a time where I was most impressionable. Some of the stuff I learned on several subreddits helped me become a better person (esp. here :*), but a lot of content used on this website was also just a crutch for me to help justify my antisocial behaviour. Also, some parts of Reddit shaped me into the pickme I was until I found this community.

Before I leave, I want to thank all of you, from the mods to the participants (and even the salty male lurkers) for existing and making this subreddit so wonderful. When I found this subreddit (back in 2020) I was a Lockdown-NEET with nonexistent self-esteem who was on semi-speaking terms with my ZVM ex (I had blocked his number and all of his socials, but we still shared one group chat on Facebook and pickme-me didn’t want to remove herself from the chat because she hoped that he would reach out to her and apologise in the group chat 🤮. Well, FDS gave me the courage to make that final cut and leave the group chat, and would you know it was the best decision I have made. Haven’t spoken to him since, and have focused on me and me only.

Funnily enough, a Dating subreddit helped me find my self-worth and got me to level up personally. Who would have thought that a Dating Strategy could extend to “dating yourself”?

This is already super long, so I‘ll come to a close now: thank you mods, for providing us with this much needed women-only space, thank all of participating here for showing me the light, and thank you for providing me with the dating skills and strategies that my pickme mother never taught me.

I‘ll still be active in the FDS-Forum, but you won’t find me here anymore. I did an experiment last week in which I didn’t spend a single minute on Reddit for a whole week, and what can I say: it was one of the best weeks I had in a long time.

Without wanting to sound like a scrote: it’s not you, it’s me! XD

With this said, /u/LePetitChibi out!

Love you all!

TL;DR: my next step in levelling up is leaving this website. Thank you all for everything!

ZumaQueen · 2021-07-12T16:40:14+00:00

I’ve only discovered FDS two weeks ago, but it’s already helped me so much reflecting on my personal relationship standards and red flags. It has also helped me to enforce boundaries in my current relationship, even though that will still need some getting used to. Yesterday, my partner pushed one of my boundaries which I calmly but firmly told him. Even though he apologized immediately and said said he was ashamed, I felt really guilty about it and almost apologized to him for mentioning it. I’m sure the more I do it, the less I’ll feel guilty about standing up for myself.

queenbqb · 2021-07-13T04:09:09+00:00

I have been a huge fan of FDS for like 1 year but never felt a need to join Reddit to post. Well that changed today... I showed a male family member the homeless guy interview and was like 'wow... That's so dumb, I'd never do that. Imagine having such low self esteem' and he lost his marbles 😭😭 bro literally went on this whole rant about how I was being super judgemental. I stuck by it and said it's a stupid decision to marry someone who will drain your finances. (These were the ONLY 2 comments I made on the subject and they provoked a 10 minute rant from him 🙄)

Not kidding he LEGIT SAID "How is that any different than me saying you can't marry a woman? You're discriminating." KNOWING that I am bisexual 🤦‍♀️ I told him that was an offensive comment and he just doubled down and kept saying I was basically being homophobic??? 🙄🙄 I said that he, in fact, is the homophobic one in this situation for comparing centuries of violence and discrimination that LGBT people have faced to... Not wanting to date a literal homeless guy who was late to your 'bench date'?? I have confided in him about homophobic abuse I have faced in the past so it's not like an ignorance thing either. omg.

Anyway I just left and told him he needed to apologize to me for that comment and I wouldn't be engaging with him until he did.

Y'all were right... Men get SO butthurt when you assert a single boundary that doesn't even involve them. I was so stunned that he would say something like this. And he got SO OFFENDED. 🤣 Nothing that I said was offensive. He was legit red in the face huffing and puffing 🤡 Also I am very glad that I have been reading this sub for a long time, because six months ago I would have just sat quietly and ignored his comment instead of asserting myself. So I'm quite proud of how I handled the situation really. 🙂

Edit: he realized he was in the wrong and apologized. Extra proud of myself for insisting on that boundary now!

originallykoko · 2021-07-15T15:27:09+00:00

I'm not going to blame myself for this, no matter how much I want to. I don't. Started dating this guy back in March. I was hesitant to date him bc I knew it would be a risk in terms of family. My parents wouldn't approve of him since he was a cop and drank alcohol (we're Muslim). But still I dated him because I was a 26 going on 27 year old woman at that time who could make my own decisions.

I don't know how, I don't know when, but somehow I started falling in love with him. After all, he did all the right things that a boyfriend is supposed to do. Which is probably the bare minimum looking back. I was a virgin before I met him, and I lost my virginity to him thinking he was my person and thinking he was the one.

This dickweed breaks up with me the morning after we come back from Miami, our first trip together. His reason: I just didn't feel the connection I wanted to feel. He didn't feel that connection throughout the whole relationship and never brought it up to me. Instead he would say things that would make me fall more and more in love with him.

I'm hurt and broken. First time I've ever loved someone despite dating and being in relationships before. It's not my fault, I know it isn't.

It's so hard this time not to reach out to him. I'm trying so hard not to post subliminal posts on social media. I am hurt beyond belief.

callmebubbles92 · 2021-07-17T11:20:41+00:00

I think a big reason LVM do not want to take women out on actual dates (they try to make it sound like they will if she gets pass the ~*pre-date*~, but that's just to make themselves sound higher in demand than they are) is because they don't actually like doing things. They're annoyed they have to leave the couch. It's why the only dates they can think of are walking, coffee, or drinks, when there are other ideas out there that also wouldn't cost a lot of money. For example, there is an ice rink near where I live that has free skate for $10/person. That's not fun to them, because it's not video games, Netflix, Reddit, etc.

AutomaticNopeMachine · 2021-07-12T14:19:48+00:00

Ladies, any of you know why some posts are only visible on my reddit feed/home tab and do not appear on the sub itself?

ThornySpirit95 · 2021-07-12T20:15:46+00:00

Whats everyones favorite ways to stay active and fit? I've always just done cardio and weights at the gym but thinking of trying some yoga for flexibility.

lovessourbeer · 2021-07-13T22:29:40+00:00

I (just turned 28F) went out for a date with 36m on Friday. He was smart, successful and very attractive, and we had a nice conversation; I had another event to get to after 2.5 hours and left. We ended cordially and texted once, but otherwise he hasn’t contacted me since. I realized that this made me feel a bit weird (battling pickme urges), but it was a good lesson that the age gap “means something”—while he was respectful, the age gap threw off the power dynamic in a weird way.

queen_azulaa · 2021-07-15T03:27:59+00:00

This doesn't deserve its own post so Ill just put it here. My LVMX who is a physician has a photo of him in a pathetic joker cosplay on the internet when you search his name. 🤣🤣🤣

I like to google my own name to make sure its hard to dox me and reflexively did so to all my family members and him. His name shows up, where he works, physician ratings, typical physician stuff... Images show a headshot of him... and next to it is a full makeup joker costume selfie 🤣🤣. The image doesn't show on the google search page on desktop mode but it does on mobile. Did I thought about telling him to make sure his professional image is not tarnished especially with interview season coming up? Nah. I didnt 🤭🤭.

Anyway if youre reading this make sure your full name is not on your soundcloud playlist and dont use your college clown ass cringy selfie as a profile pic 🤣🤣.

Cheers to my new contact photo of him🥂🥂. Imma see a clown when I see his ass trying to lure me again.

deadinsidelol69 · 2021-07-13T18:32:20+00:00

I'm so happy, my sister FINALLY dumped her NVM scrote. Words cannot describe how much I hated the guy, and how despicable his behavior was. She finally woke up, after he yet again verbally abused her, and told him it was over. She now understands she was trauma bonded to him, and how awfully he treated her. (She finally admitted he never once told her he loved her, without her having to beg him to do it. The guy hated her.) And she even told me he was beginning to physically abuse her as well. I was terrified she would have never gotten away and he would have killed her.

I'm so glad she's out and away from him. He's not even in the same state as her right now, and won't be for another week. Plenty of time to make her safe from him.

ello-motto · 2021-07-17T22:27:20+00:00

Normani - Wild Side ft. Cardi B is trending on YouTube.

Yet again, another music video using porn tropes and visual cues into the choreography and outfits.

The thumbnail is two naked women holding each other in an embrace. Obviously, they're both straight women singing about dick so this is just performative lesbianism for the male gaze. 🙄

Sick of this pornified bullshit in mainstream media.

Bong-I-Lee · 2021-07-13T10:18:20+00:00

This whole week has been hectic af. And it's going to be the same till August end. I'm working on my Masters Degree's mandatory dissertation. I'm putting in the work and my supervisor is so patient and helpful (luckily), so I just hope it all pays off in the end in terms of grades.

TumbleweedForeign699 · 2021-07-13T21:15:50+00:00

Just wanted to vent.. I blocked my NVX over a week ago and he reached out to me on a form of social media I hadn’t blocked on. For various reasons I can’t go complete NC yet and so he called today me to let me know we’re finished. I knew that anyway as I had blocked him 😩 but it still annoyed me that he was trying to do some sort of power play with me. Waiting for various contracts we share to end soon so I don’t have to worry about it anymore

numbers213 · 2021-07-15T11:51:07+00:00

I was seeing this guy that I thought was HVM. Turns out he wasn't. I was playing resident evil 8 on my ps4 at his house. He just kinda flipped and stopped texting me claiming to be depressed. Very rude. Not what I thought he was. I'm PROUD of myself because I didn't try to reason with him. I just left it. I went on my vacation and enjoyed it. Made important plans for my best friend to move in with me. AND I followed up on my promise to myself that when I got home I would ask for me ps4 back and discuss nothing else. I also asked his roommate to deliver to him. I shut down any type of side conversation. it might not seem like a lot but it's something that was always hard for me to do.

honeybeeroll · 2021-07-16T05:02:27+00:00

So looks like my friend is going to be getting divorced....im so disappointed in and angry at her husband. They have had cycles of problems since they have been together, but they always "got through it." Well, they didn't, they really just ended up shelving it for later, because they'd have fights about the same stuff again some time later. It seemed like they were getting better though, that they were approaching some understanding. But apparently it's just been getting worse.

They have some major cultural differences which tbh I think they could have handled if he wasn't insanely insecure and jealous. The kind of jealous where he blames her for the sexual harassment she faces from the disgusting men in her neighborhood everytime she leaves the house. He doesn't like that she has friends w/ bfs or husband's. She started her own business and although he's never said anything bad, she said she can tell he doesn't care for it and is annoyed she has it. That got me so mad; she loves her business and does beautiful work and he's so fucking insecure that he can't be happy for her.

She's aware he's passively trying to control her - he does this shit cuz he doesn't want her to be independent. I really think he wants her to be like all his exes, who were fine being subservient to men. She has never been like that, not when she married him and not now. Maybe he really thought he could get accustomed to the fact that she's a normal modern woman. Or maybe he assumed she'd change into what he preferred. Maybe she incorrectly estimated his capacity for accepting her independence.

The part that really, really upset me and makes me feel so bad for my friend is she said he no longer looks at her like he loves her. keep thinking back to their wedding day...she has a lot of good memories with him, I have good memories with them both. I remember when she introduced me to him, he gave off such good vibes. And now he's always negative and just making my friend so miserable that shes seriously considering basically running away in the middle of the night w/ the kids w/o telling him. If I was in her shoes I'd do that too. She hates her city and now her home life sucks too? Nobody should live like that.

I'm so fucking mad at him for not even TRYING for her. He is SOOOOOO lucky my amazing, intelligent, talented, beautiful, kind friend chose him, and yet he can't even be bothered to respect her. She does everything in the house and with the kids, takes care of him, and he can't even fucking be nice to her. No, instead, like a typical fucking man, rather than deal with his emotional problems (insecurity), he's demanding his wife rearrange her entire fucking life and give up her independence to accommodate him. Fuck that.

In the last year+ I stopped dating, hung out on this sub a lot, and now I like living alone so much I don't even want a bf, much less to be married or have kids. I posted to this sub months ago about how we should all remember that being beautiful and alone (instead of settling) makes you unobtainable and thus adds to your beauty. My friend today said she just wants to be beautiful and alone and I told her about that realization I had months ago. I guess it's kind of sad that we're on the same wavelength now. I thought this sub made me a bit extreme/paranoid cuz my attitude became dating men - even ones who come highly recommended by friends - is pointless because it's just a matter of when the other shoe is going to drop w/ them, being alone is way calmer and better. But....now my friend who was married for years and really loved this man feels the same way. I guess I'm not being extreme after all.

But yeah...just wanted to vent somewhere anonymously about this. I have so much respect for my friend for the way she approached this. She's intelligent and unafraid and doesn't fuck around. She doesn't fucking deserve to be in this situation.

radfemmd · 2021-07-14T22:42:10+00:00

Has anyone been following the Britney conservatorship trial today? I’m so proud of Britney standing up for herself. Her strength is so inspiring!

ello-motto · 2021-07-15T14:10:38+00:00

Has anyone else noticed LV men overusing "big words" and "industry jargon" to sounds smarter than they actually are?

I was browsing LinkedIn earlier and saw some posts and comments by a particular guy that sounded like he really wanted to come across as an intellectual.

These days, the rule of thumb for good communication is to use words and sentences a high school student or young kid could understand. He was using really obscure complex phrasings that didn't need to be used.

No idea why some guys want to be purposefully obtuse and esoteric with the concepts they're explaining when you could just ELI5 and everyone would get the message quicker.

jenn6354 · 2021-07-15T17:41:12+00:00

I know dating apps are against the handbook, and I’m off them now, but I can’t stop thinking about things I saw and read when I was on them. One of them I can’t get out of my mind is dudes who would write in their profile “I don’t swipe right very often” or “I have high standards and I usually swipe left more than right here” eye roll

Meredeen · 2021-07-17T03:35:24+00:00

This guy kept saying my name in conversation when I was at my cashiering job today (we wear name tag), it kind of weirded me out, is this some tactic to make conversation feel more personal or something?

licoricespicedtea · 2021-07-17T22:14:18+00:00

Today I realized that every single one of the 11 guys I’ve had sex with has raped me. 7 of the “was planning on having sex earlier in the evening but was too drunk to consent when it happened” variety, 4 were more than that. And one guy I dated but didn’t have sex with sexually assaulted me.

I’m fine, somehow I didn’t find any of it particularly traumatic. It’s just weird to think about. Like these were all very different guys, some had clear red flags, but not all of them. All the ones my parents met they loved. Most of the ones my friends met they loved. It’s just weird what the norm is.

Ladyofblades · 2021-07-18T08:26:42+00:00

Anyone else just find most men’s body parts physically unappealing? (And yes that body part)

I don’t body shame, say anything or go out of my way to, but sometimes when friends share sexy pics involving men or men they’re dating I just have a visceral “no” gut reaction. I don’t see the attraction for most males or their bits at all.

Some men are beautiful (see the Friday pics) and my partner is amazing to look naked at plus super clean and neat. But most pics involving most guys and their body parts are just not my cup of tea. Women are just way more attractive

Bezzazz · 2021-07-15T02:22:02+00:00

Hey ladies! I have a quick question.

So I know another woman who has mentioned that she has an easier time talking to and interacting with men than women, especially professionally. She says she feels like she doesn't have to worry so much about the men taking things personally, or being offended easily. Like she can tease the men and they won't get as offended.

What is y'all's take on this?? Are women more complicated to communicate with in professional environments??

I've been equally frustrated with both genders in my work environment. I feel like gendered dynamics play a part in some specific frustrating behaviors, but I don't necessarily favor one over the other or find one less difficult. Frustrating is frustrating.

walrasianwalrus · 2021-07-15T19:46:20+00:00

What do y’all think about liking first on online dating profiles? Like on Hinge where you can send a like? I know FDS is generally anti online dating… but I’m giving it a try and would love to know people’s thoughts…

junehunters · 2021-07-15T23:37:37+00:00

Considering getting a second dog soon and I have found the perfect name and I'm super excited to bring a new puppy home but part of me is wondering if it's the "right time" and if I really want a second dog with all the added stress/responsibility... I have flip flopped back and forth almost every single day but my heart keeps going back to how much I love working with my pets and they make up a lot of my hobbies/free time already. So here's to being unsure about stuff haha

loraren · 2021-07-17T21:59:36+00:00

I just finished listening to this week’s podcast episode. Can someone please send me the link to the post discussion? I can’t find it. Thanks!

the-only-green-zebra · 2021-07-12T18:16:13+00:00

Ooo there's an FDS spotify playlist? I'ma go check that out

Hhjjuuy · 2021-07-13T18:33:13+00:00

Men and the women who cater to them are delusional.

throwaway_head_ache · 2021-07-15T00:54:58+00:00

Tips on multidating? I am very okay with having high standards and am finding that - while I'm getting likes - I don't match with many men in OLD. I am in my early 30s now so I dont know if thats affecting things. I'm also finding that the men I do match with and have good phone based conversations doesn't seem to translate to a real date. Thoughts? Tips?

IAmMissingNow · 2021-07-17T20:49:46+00:00

Ever since I’ve started talking out about my abusive ex and setting boundaries all his female ‘friends’ have started blocking me, giving me the cold shoulder and talking shit about me. It’s making me wonder if I made the right choice or going to the extreme.

By friends I mean woman fb friends he talks to maybe once a month online. They are also cosplayers that post half naked pictures online that he liked to look at while we were dating. I was constantly compared to them because while they are comfortable showing off their body in a cosplay that’s just not me. I was always pressured to dress up like that or as a ‘kitten’ and when I did-after years of pushing-I was told that I needed to lose weight.

Idk, his female friends have really made me question whether or not my logic is right here.

afab_100 · 2021-07-19T11:23:37+00:00

My boyfriend talks "bro talk" with his friends. He also gets a kick out of degrading me. Is it valid for me to feel uncomfortable about that?

Valeria_Venn · 2021-07-13T22:13:33+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Valeria_Venn · 2021-07-14T00:26:51+00:00

[permanently deleted]

MadamePotpourri · 2021-07-17T06:45:41+00:00

Is fine AF Fridays dead? I noticed there were no posts today.

Say it aint so!! 😭

Title	Weekly FDS Check-in
Author	Unlikely-Marzipan
Upvotes	94
Comments	177
Date	July 12, 2021 1:19 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/oir3of/weekly_fds_checkin/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/weekly-fds-check-in.791000 https://theredarchive.com/post/791000

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