Men being single isn't a problem to be solved

Findol272 · 2025-07-08T06:26:19+00:00

This type of post baffles me.

Just the lack of empathy and humanity of it. You talk about women having the right to choose who they want to date or not, but somehow, men don't have the right to be unhappy about being single or to think it's a problem for them.

I just don't get it. I've always thought, "If women are doing well, men will be doing well too, and if men are doing well, women will be doing well too." Both genders need to pull each other up for the best of everyone instead of pushing each other down.

You live in society. If men aren't doing well, this will have an impact on you, just like the opposite is true. But you seem to have this smug gleefulness about dismissing men, like it gives you pleasure to dismiss their issues, it's very strange. It's even more strange because women are more vulnerable in general to changes in legislations and politics, and I would assume you want people to be doing well and for men not to be completely alienated that they vote for populist parties that will in turn, have a direct impact on women's lives.

I would honestly advise you to reconsider the way you think about this and ask you: Isn't it better when everybody is doing well?

Podlubnyi · 2025-07-08T14:26:33+00:00

It's funny how whenever an issue affects women, it's society's problem that we all have to fix urgently, typically requiring special programs, govt departments and millions of taxpayer dollars. But when men have a problem, the response is "get over it"/"deal with it yourself"/"that's not even a problem".

Valuable-Marzipan761 · 2025-07-08T08:10:31+00:00

Something doesn't have to be lethal to be a problem, and pointing out a problem doesn't not automatically mean enslaving people to solve that problem. If something negatively impacts certain people, it is a problem, at least for them.

Trancetastic16 · 2025-07-08T13:23:23+00:00

Recent research suggests social isolation can cause and/or worsen depression and anxiety and even trauma (especially if related to social exclusion/discrimination/oppression from society) and be as damaging to health as smoking and obesity.

Personally I equally advocate for healthy changes for what I believe are unhealthy western societies and cultures that we live in to help with the healing, recovery and growth of family/friendly/romantic and community relationships specifically and in general as just one of any other mental, emotional and physical quality of life for any normal, decent human, because I sincerely believe every normal, decent human deserves access to healthy social relationships in their society if they have the ability and desire to attempt to meet other’s to make those connections.

And while the loneliness epidemic is mostly less family/friendly/community relationships, romantic relationships are a part of that - having children and/or adopted spousal family is familial, your romantic partner being your best friend is platonic, and befriending other couples and families is community.

It is good that our modern western societies have brought women more choice than ever, but there are areas where gender equality activism have been lagging behind for men (less men going to University than when the imbalance was an issue when it was women, unfairly distributed DEI scholarships for women and not enough for lower income men, less open gender roles for men, etc.) that I believe our unhealthy society have neglected and would help with both men and women’s dating prospects in general.

Taking it a step further, I also believe overhauling car/city-centric design, lobbying for government funded dating websites with free Census filters, a Google Maps style opt-in screen of your postcode and more third spaces of a variety of categories with social equity activist campaign signs to encourage open gender roles for men and informing men and women that only a minority commit crimes but to seek assistance if you need it, and a Universal Basic Income, would also be beneficial.

Emergency_Title1521 · 2025-07-08T12:59:26+00:00

Yet women are complaining in the Guardian, Medium, Yahoo, CNN that there are not enough economically and interesting (basically just means sexually attractive) men for them to date. Suddenly omen’s problems are everyone’s problems.

No-Consequence-6513 · 2025-07-08T04:51:33+00:00

But let me guess, the "unrealistic" beauty standards set for women by the "patriarchy" is a problem to be solved?

Technical-Minute2140 · 2025-07-08T06:05:35+00:00

If that’s how you feel. I’m single and can’t get a date though, so to me it’s an issue because I’m personally affected by it and other men I know are affected by it. It’s what I want, and I won’t be satisfied until I get to experience love just once like normal people get to. I won’t care about society until I do either, frankly, because problems with society are at fault just as much as my personal problems. I won’t care about your problems either, by extension, or anybody else’s here.

Yes, obviously women’s autonomy should be protected. That doesn’t mean there aren’t other options to make it easier for guys like me to get a date. I for one advocate for classes to help guys like me become datable and attractive. Increasing our pay and helping us get better jobs could also help.

hylander4 · 2025-07-08T04:51:47+00:00

Actually it will kill them. Lonely people die sooner than not lonely people. And before killing them, it will cause pain and sadness. That matters.

ViolentShallot · 2025-07-08T09:25:28+00:00

It's certainly not a problem to be solved.

But that moves men from wanting to be more to... not.

I want to get a promotion to give my wife a better, safer life. And I want children down the line. That pushes me to get promoted, to work harder, to contribute more to society.

If I was all by myself in a permanent way? Why would I aspire to give more to society? More videogames, less work, less progress, less taxes paid.

Hell, I pay taxes because I am doing a career. With my skills I can always charge cash and not pay a single dime.

Now, even if you were (are) a psycopath with no empathy for literally half the population, you like your freedom. You like your cozy workplace. You like your social security, your contributions from the taxpayers, your DEI initiatives...

All that makes you free and comfortable comes from men pushing to contribute more to society.

Now, best case scenario, you would have to deal with a society where half the men have very little drive past "existing". Because "doing well" is mostly geared towards family or children. Maybe women do like the glory and the recognition and having money for trips, and a big decorated house. But a guy? A place to sleep, a hobby, and that's pretty much it.

And a society where that happens isn't a comfortable or a safe one.

And that's again the best case scenario. It's quite funny how you can state this and at the same time wonder why would anyone vote for extreme conservatives.

jejunum32 · 2025-07-08T05:53:35+00:00

It kind of is though.

Birth rates are declining globally.

Society is falling apart.

If you don’t care about the human race or think it’s a scourge on the planet, which is a legitimate position, then yes male singleness doesn’t matter. If you want a stable society then yes it is a problem to be solved.

The same would be true if roles were reversed and there was an epidemic of singleness among women.

RycerzKwarcowy · 2025-07-08T08:28:30+00:00

It's very simple. If people don't want to hire you, you'll be jobless. So unemployment isn't a problem to be solved!

DrRockMaxwell · 2025-07-08T12:39:23+00:00

I would love to know, at what point are people’s desires considered unrealistic? My answer to this was always “…when it doesn’t align with reality”. If men are widespread saying that women’s expectations are unrealistic and aren’t aligning with reality and is causing people to be without long term partners in their later years and causing societies to fail because of birth rate drops, then what else can they do?

Kreeps_United · 2025-07-08T04:57:43+00:00

Can I ask you an honest question:

Do you ever see men told that it's wrong for them to reject or rule out dating certain types of women?

abaxeron · 2025-07-08T12:39:13+00:00

Women not being presidents isn't a problem to be solved.

It's very simple. If people don't want to vote for you, you will not be a president. Voters have the right to reject women and basically every proposed solution besides "make women more electable" to fix the "problem" of unelectable women not being presidents is advocating for voters' autonomy being stripped.

Women not being presidents isn't going to kill them. They don't need to be presidents to be happy. if anything, the problem that needs to be solved is the push for them to be presidents.

DiscombobulatedTop8 · 2025-07-08T05:00:27+00:00

I would only accept this if you were to replace "men" with "women above 30" and still felt fine about it.

shourwe · 2025-07-08T05:02:08+00:00

Good luck getting replaced by the Amish and the Mormons, muslims , Indians all races and culture which gives women much less rights (or should I say misuse of rights ) than the west.

And Im a indian so it isnt race baiting.

Former_Range_1730 · 2025-07-08T05:19:22+00:00

I agree completely.

Let the top 20% men get all the women. Look, they deserve it. Many of those 20% had to work really hard to go from zero's to Chads. Some of them had a lucky start, some didn't, but they endured the women and society telling them as teens, how unvaluable they were. Until these men turn 30+ and far surpass the very women who looked down on them.

But here's the thing. These top 20% men have reversed the roles. Just as women look down on the 80% of men, the 20% of men look down on almost all women for not being desirable enough to marry. So they have sex with several women a week, and change them out for the next batch when they want new women. Leaving women wondering, "why won't you invest your life into me"? Not realizing they have never had to ask themselves, what can I do to be valuable to a man besides look cute and have sex.

So what do the 80% of men do? Why work super hard to get nowhere, when you can work a simple job, get paid just enough to afford awesome videogames, and enjoy triple X media to entertain yourself with? Women ask for way too much of men, without even reaching a high standard they ask of men. Why bother with that when you can enjoy your life free of the stress of trying to jump through hoops for women?

So, more men will focus on entertainments. More women will either date other women, or share top quality men who will never marry them. And only a really tiny number of men and women will be a match for each other. And birthrates will drop until there is no society left.

SherbertDense1415 · 2025-07-08T09:28:27+00:00

They don't need to be in a relationship to be happy

I disagree. If you know any men, you would know that is a stupid assertion.

DetoxUpside · 2025-07-08T11:00:51+00:00

shouldnt everyone have equal opportunities?

Soft-Neat8117 · 2025-07-08T12:59:19+00:00

They don't need relationships to be happy, but they do need sex to be happy.

Any-Photo9699 · 2025-07-08T13:08:54+00:00

It definitely does on a societal level and could push a collapse. But not so much on a personal level I guess, except for cases like suicide. But then again, if a tree falls in a forest with nobody to hear it, did the tree actually ever fall?

Sure-Vermicelli4369 · 2025-07-08T14:47:02+00:00

It's certainly not a problem to be solved.

We come up with solutions to problems when they affect women.

WebNew9978 · 2025-07-08T05:45:18+00:00

It also isn’t healthy for any man who’s not aromantic to go through their whole never having a romantic life. Go talk to the 50+ men who’s never been on a date and are still KHHV, you’ll see never experiencing has had a negative effect. Yes I know a woman’s sexual freedom is more important over anything else but let’s not ignore how a man going through life never experiencing romance is hell for him as well. We can certainly acknowledge that and wish that it wasn’t the case for anyone right.

JoshyJay95 · 2025-07-08T05:15:55+00:00

Sure, but hearing women complaining about being with deadbeat baby daddies. drug addicts, unhappy relationships, unable to find good man...ect is annoying. You don't want to be relationship with allot of men, then don't complain about anything when you are literally ignoring amazing guys out there.

Be happy single like OP said lol. Also, if you have too much baggage prepare to be not as wanted by man and do not complain either.

StoicKoal · 2025-07-08T07:18:59+00:00

If you are saying all this is the defence of women’s autonomy. Then my question would be. What does women’s autonomy contribute to society and the development of humans.

Ruztomski · 2025-07-08T05:07:20+00:00

I'm 100% opposed to stripping women of their autonomy. If someone suggests that, oppose that suggestion and that person.

Having said that, are the only real problems those that kill people? Is everything else on hold til we cure death?

And maybe let people decide what makes them happy. That's what autonomy means. Becoming happy is each person's job and some won't succeed, but it's not for you to name the terms.

caption291 · 2025-07-08T06:38:05+00:00

1.just because you don't like the solutions doesn't mean something isn't a problem.

2.Women don't need autonomy to be happy or alive. So according to your own logic there should be no problems with men stripping away women's autonomy either. I think you're just rationalizing your lack of empathy for men.

there are plenty of proposed solutions that don't require striping away women's autonomy.

LordShadows · 2025-07-08T05:45:15+00:00

Suffering is a problem

The suffering of a big part of the population is a societal problem

And, whatever you think the cause is, a big part of men are suffering right now

And lonliness is a very likely part of this problem

Feeling rejected as individuals because they are men too

Feeling that their problems are ignored because they are men, too

And problems that are ignored, populations with problems that are ignored, tend to go badly historically

Blue__Ronin · 2025-07-08T05:02:57+00:00

Sure, but i mean, a lot of men look to relationships due to lack of real intimacy in their life as a result of gender norms. And though we are fighting these norms, they won't be completely dead until at least 5 generations.

In that meantime: what will you have men do?

"make men more desirable" to fix the "problem" of undesirable men being single is advocating for women's autonomy being stripped.

How is men making themselves more desirable to women, an infringement on women's autonomy

kevkaneki · 2025-07-08T05:15:20+00:00

It’s not just men that are single these days. Women are mostly single too, they just don’t tend to realize it until they hit 30 and reality starts to settle in.

Birth rates are declining, marriage rates are in the toilet, and divorce rates are at an all time high. The concept of the nuclear family has been completely abandoned in our postmodern society. 2 parent white picket fence households are viewed as more of a charming fantasy rather than the societal norm.

Our kids are growing up with huge gaps in their psychosocial development stemming from dysfunctional parental relationships where one parent either tries (and fails) to take on both maternal and paternal roles, or mom and dad simply coparent poorly which is just as confusing and counterproductive for the kiddos.

All of this ultimately stems from the same fundamental problem of men and women not getting along like we used to. Men being single might not be a problem per-se, but men and women not being able to work together to create functional families, happy homes, and well adjusted children certainly is a problem, and it would appear to be a rather large one if we actually look at the statistics...

Schleudergang1400 · 2025-07-08T06:37:41+00:00

Men being single is also a women's problem. Women also want to be in relationships, and when the pool of possible partners is much smaller, a lot of women are going to not get a committed partner as well.

They don't need to be in a relationship to be happy.

Yeah, not while they are below 25 or maybe 30. Try being single all your life. Same goes for women.

coiled-serpent · 2025-07-08T05:05:04+00:00

Why do you think women need autonomy? Do men need autonomy? Does anyone actually have autonomy?

You are not independent, you rely on other people to survive, we all do. You really don't have self-governance. Choices are being made for you all the time, often by reality itself, but also by lesser authority figures. Did you choose to come into existence? No, you've been taken for a ride against your will, and are hanging on for dear life.

Autonomy isn't a real construct, it doesn't actually exist. It's an abstract concept that possesses people, a "spook". Why is it worth defending? Go ahead, convert me to your religion of "muh autonomy".

AutoModerator · 2025-07-08T04:46:19+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

AutoModerator · 2025-07-08T04:46:19+00:00

Hi OP,

You've chosen to identify your thread as a Debate. As such you are expected to actively engage in your own thread with a mind open to being changed. PPD has guidelines for what that involves.

OPs author must genuinely hold the position and you must be open to having your view challenged.

An unwillingness to debate in good faith may be inferred from one or several of the following:

Ignoring the main point of a comment, especially to point out some minor inconsistency;

Refusing to make concessions that an alternate view has merit;

Focusing only on the weaker arguments;

Only having discussions with users who agree with your position.

Failure to keep to this higher standard (we only apply to Debate OPs) may result in deletion of the whole thread.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Parrotsandarmadillos · 2025-07-08T06:16:19+00:00

Ok then why not help make them more desirable?

Livid-Log7463 · 2025-07-08T07:53:21+00:00

It will either kill them or be far worse than if they died.

BobtheArcher2018 · 2025-07-08T09:26:07+00:00

It is not that simple. Female autonomy--and male for that matter--is nested inside a type of society that provides it. Those societies have to function and compete with societies that take other approaches.

Nothing is certain given modern technology--we are in somewhat uncharted territory. That said, this doesn't mean everything we have learned from history is irrelevant, either. So if you want male singleness rates to be a non-issue, start figuring out how to run a competitive society with extremely high male singleness rates. Maybe there is a way. I don't know. But you have to think of things in this way.

I am also against starting with ideas that rebind the genders which focus on creating female need for men rather than voluntary desire for men. Let's start there. But the idea that no amount of male singleness could be a problem is naive beyond reason.

3stun · 2025-07-08T10:25:27+00:00

Okay, I'm in. Push me into a relationship.

Majestic-Aardvark-47 · 2025-07-08T20:15:41+00:00

It's certainly not one Trump and his like want to see solved.

Money_Sink_4126 · 2025-07-08T06:11:43+00:00

There's no incentive for men to treat women with any decency or respect when you see how the vast majority of them operate. All that be kind and respectful crap is just Disney fantasy. You will get far better results treating them like crap so long as you're moderately attractive

freekin-bats11 · 2025-07-08T10:50:58+00:00

Wait, why are they booing you! Youre right!

Morgoth_Worshipper · 2025-07-08T05:41:03+00:00

I agree. Men being single is their problem, not ours. It is not our fault that some of them are so undesirable. The bigger issue we have on this planet is rampant sexual abuse, rape and murder of women by the hands of angry men who cannot control themselves.

onlyaseeker · 2025-07-08T05:28:37+00:00

What is an "undesirable man"?

And how does one become "desirable"?

And what if one is or becomes desirable, but still can't find a good relationship despite their best efforts?

dejamintwo · 2025-07-08T04:56:47+00:00

It is a problem because we need more relationships and a higher birthrate if we don't wanna be replaced by people like the Amish.

Logos1789 · 2025-07-08T05:06:30+00:00

No, women’s autonomy being stripped isn’t done with words. Unless you actually get forced to date or have sex with a man against your will, then your autonomy as it pertains to sex and dating is not being infringed upon.

Neglius · 2025-07-08T05:08:39+00:00

Thanks, twin! I’m cured. TS never gon bother me again. 😊

Patient_Recording_96 · 2025-07-08T06:33:34+00:00

True. What needs to be solved are the falling birthrates. Most likely, governments will soon take more drastic actions. I have no idea how they would look, maybe more financial support for newly weds etc etc.

throwaway73737828 · 2025-07-08T07:36:38+00:00

It is a problem to be solved, however women cant solve this. (They could but they wont). It is solved by men making themselves better and changing their mindset. Understanding that old days are gone, you cant be average, you have to grind your ass off. You cant be the normal dude, the lazy dude or the relaxing dude. You have shit to do or you will be missed out.

Also average guy in relationships have more confidence to average single guy. The guy in relationships have more sex, the guy in relationships has more opportunities to enter just because he has a gf etc. so it’s definitely a problem that men has to solve. Crying about it will never fix it. The only way is to improve.

Comments