Men empathize with lonely women. Women are disgusted by lonely men

illusoryfindings · 2023-12-24T23:26:32+00:00

Some people emphasize with lonely people, others don't. This isn't a gendered thing. You're right about women losing attraction to pitiful men, but plenty of them will still empathize, especially if they're kind. They just won't want to fuck you, because it's not attractive.

You said it yourself. You've felt sorry for pitiful women in your life, and treated them well, but you'd never consider pursuing a relationship with them, no matter how much they'd want it, because you're simply not attracted, maybe even a little grossed out.

I'm sure plenty of fat or ugly women have noticed the men they like being visibly disgusted by them, but still ultimately treated them like they would any other friend or acquaintance.

You still treat these people kindly despite not being remotely interested, because you believe that's the right thing to do. There are plenty of people just like this, across both genders.

The only reason why nasty people stick out to us is because our brains are hard-wired to remember negative experiences more than positive ones. You know there have been plenty of times where a girl hasn't reciprocated your interest, but still treats you nicely, and even empathizes with the situation.

TSquaredRecovers · 2023-12-25T00:18:52+00:00

Is this a joke? How often do you hear red-pilled guys rant away about how single women over 30 are “bitter and surrounded by cats and boxes of wine”? Or how those guys shame and mock older women for taking antidepressants?

I’m sure there are genuinely kind men who don’t verbally degrade lonely, single women, but those men are certainly not participants within the pilled spaces.

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2023-12-24T23:44:11+00:00

Sounds like you friendzoned her. Women do that to men all the time. And then men get mad about it.

I think you’re confusing empathy with wanting to fuck. I feel empathy for a lot of guys on this sub because it seems like their plight is real and painful. That doesn’t make them fuckable

AriesProductions · 2023-12-25T03:00:50+00:00

I empathize with anyone is is lonely. Male, female, conventionally attractive or not.

The only time I take issue with a “lonely man” is when they make it my (or another woman’s) problem/fault. Whether it’s blaming women whose standards he doest meet (for whatever reason) or me for firmly rejecting sexual advances & ending the friendship if he doesn’t accept that gracefully, men who blame others, often in incel/RP tropes and toxic language, for his loneliness no longer deserve empathy.

Ich_Habe_Genug · 2023-12-24T22:26:45+00:00

Men usually mistake sympathy, or really any kind of attention or kindness, for sexual or romantic attraction.

Sharp_Engineering379 · 2023-12-25T01:56:31+00:00

Women have this bizarre mentality that an unattractive man liking her means she's ugly because the ugly man thought that he had a chance

No, it’s just inconvenient and often ruins a platonic friendship. It has nothing to do with disgust, it’s just uncomfortable since most women know he’s likely to push and make things unpleasant instead of quietly getting over it.

AceOfSpadesGymBro3 · 2023-12-24T22:27:12+00:00

Why do you guys cling to your loneliness like it's some kind of virtue?

Mitago1 · 2023-12-25T00:18:42+00:00

Unfortunately a lot of lonely men get automatically coupled/grouped in with incels, so when some people hear of lonely men they assume that they are incels (which are rightfully seen as toxic, sexist etc.), even though majority of lonely men don't share the toxic views of the incel community.

Plus a lot of people have "Us Vs them" mindsets, so when lonely men vent their grievances, they feel like they're being attacked directly. This also happens when lonely women vent about their struggles and grievances.

pssnflwr · 2023-12-25T08:22:37+00:00

in my experience, whenever a male friend has had unreciprocated feelings for me, it doesn't stop at the point of rejection. I've tried every which way to deal with male friends that catch feelings - from trying to let them down gently and still maintaining the same level of friendship to being intentionally cunty so they would both get the message and maybe not like me anymore - and for too many, none of this works. there have been too many where if i keep them in my life at all, they will continue with their advances and guilt tripping and just making my life generally miserable because they aren't getting the pussy they want. the only way is to cut them off, and even then I've had men complain to mutual friends about me being a bitch when all i want is for the advances to stop. one of them even sexually assaulted me and i got blamed by some members of our mutual friend group because "he just loved you so much" and I needed "to realize what i looked like and what people were gonna want from me." his feelings for me were more important than my autonomy and humanity and unfortunately this isn't a rare thing. even when it hasn't come to sexual assault, I've had to deal with so much social pressure for not giving a guy (not all but too many) what he wants from both friends and family members. sometimes when people think a guy is nice enough, his desires become more important than my existence as freethinking, automous human.

i don't view a man's unwanted attention as an attack on my desirability. fuck my desriablity at this point. i view it as a threat to my general safety and my social peace.

Suspicious_Glove7365 · 2023-12-24T23:10:55+00:00

Are you kidding me? The amount of vitriol women receive by being single is crazy. Part of the problem is that men don’t even BELIEVE that women CAN be lonely so they’re not even acknowledged.

Safinated · 2023-12-24T22:39:35+00:00

“Women can’t be incels”

“Women are only lonely by choice”

“Women live life on easy mode”

“Women get everything handed to them”

“Women have infinite options”

“Every woman has orbiters”

“Women are inherently valued”

Etc

In other words, “uh huh, suuuuuure”

Edit: OPs very empathetic comment

“In my experience, cat ladies are only mocked because they spent years turning down men if they didn't check off every single box of their huge laundry list of qualities that they are looking for in a man.”

WilliamWyattD · 2023-12-25T02:10:35+00:00

Goes too far. But there are gendered patterns. The flip side of the kind admiration women have for capable men is a kind of basic disgust for incapable ones, yes. But this is not an overwhelming feeling and can be overcome. However, men are also hardwired to be looking for a certain kind of admiration/respect, so when empathy does not come with that, men will feel that they haven't been empathized with. But while someone can give you their pity, they can't give you that kind of respect.

There is also the issue that in some ways men are the sexual hunters and women are the sexual prey. Even a low value, incapable man is more than capable of lusting actively after a woman, and even acting on that unreturned lust with force. Lonely, low value men can be the most dangerous. And generally what they want, and are constantly thinking about, is a woman's sexual desire not her empathy. Women know that, too.

Hour-Diet-4247 · 2023-12-24T23:41:38+00:00

Most lonely men hate women. Look at how many lonely men joined trp/manosphere to vent about women. It’s an echo chamber of other hurt lonely men to feed their wounds. The comments are an example btw

Uglypostwall · 2023-12-25T03:33:39+00:00

Men are even disgusted with lonely men

bruhholyshiet · 2023-12-24T22:42:27+00:00

LOL no they don’t. Men have spent years laughing at the archetype of the spinster and lonely cat lady, they’ve never hesitated to throw this is the face of women whenever they stepped out of line, taking great glee in it. Only male loneliness is considered a “epidemic” that society must bend over backwards to fix because everyone is afraid you’ll violently lash out like disgruntled toddlers if you aren’t appeased.

Edit: So you want women to lead men on? What do you mean you are treating her well? Men interpret kindness as attraction, they can only understand blunt rejection anything else will just give them false hope. But at the same time they view any form of romantic rejection from a woman as a sign of hatred and aggression which leads them overdramatize these situations.

thisreallyisnotok · 2023-12-25T00:49:02+00:00

Men usually lack the awareness to see how attractive women can be lonely. They usually can’t tell which women are vain and like superficial attention and the women who are sick of it. Whether unattractive women are lonely or not is beside the point to most men.

KikiYuyu · 2023-12-25T05:52:27+00:00

I'm constantly told I can't possibly be lonely simply for the fact that I have a vagina. Any time I try to say I'm lonely here, I'm told that it's my fault, that someone out there will want to fuck me so my feelings are invalid, and that I'm just picky because I don't sleep with the first man who'd have me.

Many, many women unfortunately do not sympathize with men, it's true. We're bombarded with the idea that men have it all, and women can do no wrong.

So yeah, women generally don't sympathize. But don't tell me for a second men do.

WANT_SOME_HAM · 2023-12-25T03:02:12+00:00

"Men know what it's like to be unwanted. I definitely do. "

WHAT A SHOCKING TWIST

HERE I WAS THINKING YOU WERE POPULAR AND SEXUALLY FULFILLED, THEN BOOM

RIGHT IN THE SURPRISED PART OF THE BRAIN

apresonly · 2023-12-25T03:12:44+00:00

> Despite how badly she wants me, I still treat her well

most men are happy to sleep with women they know they don't want and then ghost her

> It's unfortunate that these women can't seem to take it as a compliment

why would it be a compliment that some stranger likes you?

he could be a pos?

> since men don't view a woman's interest as an attack

bc women don't attack men as much as men attack women.

that's it.

that's what's causing this.

threw352 · 2023-12-25T01:25:54+00:00

red pill men constantly weaponise the idea of lonely childless women who have hit the wall to bolster their claims that women should settle for less. Even among normies the trope of the single lonely women being pathetic is pervasive, in the Anglophone world there are spinsters who are cold and bitter because they never got a man, in East Asian countries there are women who forget to be women or forgotten women who are social outcasts, there must be tropes that are similar elsewhere.

BananaHuszar · 2023-12-25T08:29:31+00:00

I am a woman, not only I empathize but have exclusively dated lonely men my whole life. Just because all your generalizations come from being on the internet on forums instead of outside, or reading actual research, that they are true. You think you're logic but you're letting anxiety control control your thought process.

FatalCartilage · 2023-12-25T01:08:02+00:00

Based on my life experience this is all completely wrong. Women typically emphasize with lonely men and then the rejected men are toxic.

Meanwhile lonely women are typically ignored.

captainhowdy82 · 2023-12-24T23:09:27+00:00

As always, sweeping statements about men do X and women do Y are usually based on the poster’s personal life. Did a woman “turn her nose up” at OP’s loneliness? Then all women are guilty of this.

SilentFroggy · 2023-12-24T23:15:30+00:00

I don’t think men really empathize women. Women don’t find the average man attractive so it’s not going to solve their loneliness problem because you want to be around them. And you’re usually usually doing it to form a romantic relationship let’s be real.

Sadsad0088 · 2023-12-25T09:04:15+00:00

Don’t generalise, lots of men will Reeee when women complain about loneliness accusing them of whatever like having too high standards and being fat.

Lots of men would fuck a lonely woman they don’t like and be ashamed of being seen with her the next day.

And as far as lonely men, it’s dangerous to show sympathy IRL because it seems to irate men like yeah you’re sorry for me, why don’t you fuck me? Other conflate friendship and kindness with interest and others don’t have the social awareness to understand interactions and when they’re being inappropriate hence the label creep.

Third_X_the_A_charm · 2023-12-25T03:55:44+00:00

This can happen, but for the most part, women are more subtle with their rejections because they don't want to hurt your feelings.

Osmotico323 · 2023-12-25T03:58:48+00:00

I sometimes feel that I'm being tooooo tolerable

Eauxddeaux · 2023-12-25T16:26:03+00:00

There are many ways of seeing human dynamics. This is a very jaded and angry perspective, and that’s honestly what this sub should be called (talking to both sides here, btw).

The way you framed this is understandable, but so is the idea that it’s easier for men, in the position you’re talking about to be magnanimous because most women don’t pose a physical threat to them. It’s true that women can wreak mental havoc on men often and easily, but most men are a genuine potential threat to the life and physical safety of most women.

Does that mean that most men intend women harm? No, of course not, but those fucks are out there in non-trivial numbers.

What you laid out here can (and does) happen, but it’s a narrow, bad faith view of the whole

iassureyouimreal · 2023-12-25T17:02:48+00:00

This thread proves you right

MistyMaisel · 2023-12-25T04:19:32+00:00

Being cold, rejecting, and dismissive towards men you are not interested in is the empathetic response actually. Men perceive anything else as hopeful or them having a "chance".

It's is empathy to treat them this way because it shows understanding of their mind state and how it will evolve, and takes the position of it in order to deduce that the correct approach is to push the man away via a very mild cruelty in order to spare them from future heartbreak and foolishness. Anything else encourages him.

The reason men can treat the women they aren't attracted to with greater warmth is because most women can hear no and accept warmth as purely friendly, not an invitation to hope for romance. (Obviously not all). So in turn, you are displaying empathy of the feminine mindset.

And no, most of us don't think an ugly man approaching us makes us ugly. We understand why he'd want us, and we understand he's got the insanity or balls to think that could be mutual.

There isn't much of a compliment in the majority of approaches made by men. Let's not pretend there is even to sell this bridge. I'm not taking anything for granted because there's so little here. And yes, most of the attention we receive is both undesirable and not very particular to us. And it is kind of creepy.

Why don't men so this so much? Pretty obvious. Because a woman's attention is rarely so commonplace or so indiscriminate even if it's for a less desirable woman.

Men aren't being saints on this, they're correctly deducing the difference as women are. And yes, they do often view these women as sub-human. They talk about it very often especially in parts like these.

And to be quite blunt, if you cannot understand this core dynamic difference, then you cannot have empathy for female loneliness. And I don't think you're ignoring them for their own good so they can move onwards and upwards.

Cell-Based-Meat · 2023-12-25T07:05:24+00:00

This is the second weirdly misogynistic post you’ve made on here.

Not all women do this lol. Most of the time women back off because they think they’re friends with a guy, the guy likes them and gets the wrong idea, and then encroaches on her boundaries.

My best friend was in love with me for years. I did not want to date him. But I loved him, as a friend. We remained friends, but there were times where he did not get the message and overstepped his bounds. It uncomfortable, and most people can’t maintain a platonic relationship with someone once it is known that romantic feelings are involved in either side. Women can do the same thing.

Aromatic_Ad5473 · 2023-12-25T17:27:49+00:00

This whole post is a tire fire of generalizations and assumptions

Some people are more empathetic than others. Gender is irrelevant.

Cethlinnstooth · 2023-12-25T02:29:09+00:00

Yeah whatever. They only empathize until it becomes obvious you don't want their dicks up you. Then they turn right around and spew bile. That's not empathy. That's not liking you. That's just anticipation of getting their dicks wet.

lvoncreek · 2023-12-25T08:32:19+00:00

Men absolutely dont emphatize with lonely women, what are you talking about? Most men just dismiss if a woman claims she is lonely because WoMeN CaNnOt Be LoNeLy or they just call her a CraZy CaT LadY. Whats with the made up scenarios in this sub? You literally made this up and called it reality.

BananaHuszar · 2023-12-25T08:31:42+00:00

some Lonely men shoot up schools and post on the internet they think raping is ok. Including here. Thats why they don't approach, you walnut. Not everyone wants to take the risk of being nice and ending up fucking dead.

notmyrealnamepapi · 2023-12-25T08:46:09+00:00

Most women are not like this with lonely men. Not even close.

That's not true. It's just not true, lol. This whole post is just not true.

LillthOfBabylon · 2023-12-25T09:31:19+00:00

women empathize with men who are actually lonely and arent assholes.

Economy-Shake-1448 · 2023-12-25T02:20:51+00:00

Men constantly shit on and shame lonely women for having standards that are too high. And your friend that is in love with you that you’re still kind to and friends with? If the genders were flipped men would be going on huge rants about the friend zone. Men humiliate and mock women who are 30 and single and alone. Men constantly shame women who struggle with dating by insisting that if they can just have sex with random men on tinder and therefore have no right to complain.

Yomzie_hun · 2023-12-25T01:14:03+00:00

K.

Next!

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2023-12-25T11:47:25+00:00

I have never heard men here to complain they are lonely, I just hear them complain they have nothing to stick it in. They don't want real human connection, they just want something to stick it in. So that's why. I barely hear about genuine loneliness from men, all they are talking about is sexlessness.

AdEffective7894s · 2023-12-25T05:56:04+00:00

Thats solid projection.

I think men would be disgusted by truly ugly women. Like a kind of ugly where it seems like they are deliberately trying to look worse, active making decisions to be less attractive.

Now after spending time with them they might develop some sympathy because interacting with them humanizes them. But as a baseline its gonna be disgust at worst or neutrality at best.

Women are much the same. Except to them atleast 20% of dudes are ugly. and because of hyperagency see men as responsible for their own ugliness and misfortune to an unusually high degree.

They will treat men like right wingers treat the poor. Callous indifference, disgust and disdain. And they will never have to spend time with them long enough to humanize them

SnooMarzipans6929 · 2023-12-25T09:57:04+00:00

No. I think lonely men are sweet. I've dated a self proclaimed ex-incel before. We only broke up because he became an alcoholic and he put my life in danger while he wasn't fully there. Otherwise I would have married the guy. He was very sweet in his own awkward way and he needed a wake up call of me leaving to get clean.

I hope he's doing ok these days.

That said, I would have never met my current fiancé, who is a homebody but not someone I'd consider lonely per se. So all works out for the better , but I generally don't agree.

I think you just need to pick better women tbh

Jack_Hobbes · 2023-12-25T17:53:01+00:00

Nah.

Men don't acknowledge the existence of women they find unattractive and certainly don't empathize with them.

But they don't hate them until they show up as an annoying dmv bureaucrat or cockblocking best friend to the girl you like.

Jake_Barnes_ · 2023-12-25T02:14:53+00:00

Women are disgusted by weakness, it’s by nature. They can empathize but it does not equal affection

PapayaSubstantial672 · 2023-12-24T23:02:42+00:00

Lol no they don't. The majority of men, myself included, don't even believe that women can be lonely. I mean how much do you have to fail as a women to end up alone?

The only epidemic when it comes to loneliness is with men.

MateriallyRetarded · 2023-12-25T04:57:57+00:00

Just don't be a fucking loser. Just figure it out. Abundance mindset.

Don't trip over some woman who would've never given you a chance when you were young and unestablished.

If there are men out there that love you as a person then there are women who love you as a person, too.

Glittering_File_6990 · 2023-12-25T04:29:51+00:00

sometimes women find out guys only befriended them to get into their pants when the woman only wanted friendship it's a pretty fucked up ulterior motive. even worse when you reject them and they get mad about it. then it becomes a safety issue. also men don't believe lonely women even exist and they certainly shit on the girls they reject, are you kidding me?

bluepvtstorm · 2023-12-25T10:05:28+00:00

That’s absolutely not true. Women remain friendly and nice to lots of men who express attraction to them. Where do you think the nice guy trope comes from? It’s there.

Women know when men are attracted and still continue to retain some semblance of friendship with these men and do the absolute best to not lead them on. However in their mind, being friends is not enough. They want more and it’s her fault that she won’t give more. Regardless of attraction or compatibility.

The OP has moved a women into the friendship track and no one sees any problem with that because he isn’t attracted to her but for some reason if a woman does that to a man it’s a problem.

Women don’t think men who are lonely are pathetic or losers. They just don’t want to be obligated to give them a relationship they don’t want beyond friendship.

szclimber · 2023-12-25T01:21:13+00:00

I don't think they do. I only empathize with a small minority of women who actually have difficulties outside of their control. I ignore fat or crazy lonely women. Having said that I always am positive and give fat people compliments in the gym to encourage their progress.

Revolutionary_Law793 · 2023-12-25T12:18:08+00:00

If you are nice to them, they take it as an invitation to sex

EmuEquivalent5889 · 2023-12-25T00:57:42+00:00

Lmao I could never empathize

Dertross · 2023-12-24T23:32:54+00:00

I don't empathize with lonely women. When a man is lonely it's because he failed to build himself up. If a woman is lonely it's because she either failed to maintain her value or is overestimating her value.
It's easy to feel sympathy for the born pauper. It's harder to feel sympathy for a wastrel, particularly a wastrel who used to be wealthy but through sheer incompetence lost it all.

watercress__ · 2023-12-25T10:14:27+00:00

Stop emphasizing with the other gender lol nearly 2024 wake up

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RinoaRita · 2023-12-25T11:03:46+00:00

I think the usual trope is she tell him she wants to be friends and gets upset when he decide no? And then justify that he just wanted sex because if it really was about her as a person he’d like her as a friend because it’s better than nothing.

Title	Men empathize with lonely women. Women are disgusted by lonely men
Author	rejected-again
Upvotes	287
Comments	274
Date	December 24, 2023 10:19 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/18q58ec/men_empathize_with_lonely_women_women_are/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/men-empathize-with-lonely-women-women-are.1241577 https://theredarchive.com/post/1241577

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