Should you show your weaknesses & vulnerabilities to women that you are dating?

Freelovehighway · 2022-07-02T14:38:35+00:00

It's not so simple. I always feel compelled to give brutal realisation awakening answers but I think that belies the reality and says more about my insecurities/worldview than what things are like. However, vulnerability has to be combined with respect. The girl has to have respect for you, if she grows not to then your vulnerability will be weak. You don't gain respect by being virtuous, it can be but not necessarily. You might be a guy that can get many girls, you might be rich, you might be able to fuck her good, whatever it is, she needs to respect you. Then vulnerability is allowed. But being vulnerable and weak(in her eyes/perception), No. She will run a mile.

Siukslinis_acc · 2022-07-02T14:49:22+00:00

If you are dating for a while and/or see the other person as an ltr prospect, then yes. Sooner or later it will come out. And it's better if it doesn't destroy the building of who you are to her by making her realise that the building is built up on lies.

wtknight · 2022-07-02T15:10:42+00:00

The longer that a guy is with someone and shows his strengths to her, the more he can get away with also showing his weaknesses.

Drive-By-Cuckers · 2022-07-02T14:34:21+00:00

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wrathofkalima · 2022-07-02T14:46:26+00:00

It depends how you do it.

Don’t do it on the first date. Wait until you’re in a relationship.

It’s okay to vent but if you’re frequently dumping your insecurities on her then she will lose attraction. Women want a strong problem solver (but not a robot with no feelings).

I’ve never dumped a guy for revealing his weaknesses but I’ve dumped guys for their actions that are a result of their weaknesses: jealousy, defensiveness, negging etc

If a guy was open about his weaknesses and actually wanted to improve then I would have more respect for him. I value introspection and self awareness.

SirTruffleberry · 2022-07-02T14:44:49+00:00

General rule for saving time while screening: Get dealbreakers out of the way first.

If something is not a dealbreaker, i.e., it can be overlooked for the sake of the rest of the package, then reveal it more gradually.

As for your questions, I don't think opining about the probabilities of eventual rejection is very useful. Most vulnerabilities will surface in a LTR. The only variable you can control is the timing. As I said, a dealbreaker should be revealed early because, by definition, the probabilities don't change by learning about your other traits or having nice experiences with you.

Failfellow · 2022-07-02T15:12:42+00:00

I cried on my first date after over 10 years. She slept with me that same night... there's no hard and fast rule on this. Showing vulnerability isn't a sign of weakness, whereas showing infallibility can be a sign of weakness

Pole2019 · 2022-07-02T15:59:43+00:00

If you want an actual relationship yes. Some girls might not like it but you shouldn’t be with a bad partner who doesn’t care about your feelings anyways.

Opening_Pattern_301 · 2022-07-02T14:46:37+00:00

Vulnerability and weakness is for example showing that you are interested in her since you re putting yourself in a position where you can be emotionally hurt, vulnerability isnt telling a woman how miserable your life is nor treating her as a therapist...with that said, you should only do that after you have gotten to know her better and she has earned the privilege of seeing that side of you, cuz doing that with someone you barely know feels weird and out of place and in the worst of cases you gonna end up in an undesirable situation.

goatismycopilot · 2022-07-02T14:44:59+00:00

I think some men will do a big information dump too early on because they often have nobody to talk to and so they think it is a good idea to start talking deep dark secrets on date one or two. Then they get mad and say women will reject you for being vulnerable.

I have also had a few male aquaintances dump all this trauma on me when I hardly know them and it DID make me back off because they never asked about me. It was too much.

I think sharing vulnerability works fine for men in a relationship where some trust has been established.

I have a female aquaintance who turns people off trying to turn everybody into her personal therapist. People are not great at deciding who and when they should be vulnerable.

Dafiro93 · 2022-07-02T14:36:14+00:00

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Electrical_Coat_8714 · 2022-07-02T15:37:09+00:00

I'll tell you only one thing: girls can smell fake shit a mile away.

So, either be honest with yourself or be VERY good at deception.

A middle ground is simply to be discreet and aloof. You don't have to open your closet to girls just because. You can keep whatever you want to yourself as long as you aren't pretending to be someone else.

NockerJoe · 2022-07-02T14:56:17+00:00

I've had women leave and women stay. Its not a universal law but it is a thing to watch out for. Its usually not hard to figure out which ones fall in what camp before that though with a bit of social accumen if you pay attention, though. Its just that getting that accumen is a long and painful process.

I will say though a big issue wjth this discourse isn't if you should or shouldn't, it's that no matter what community you're on there's always throngs of women feigning naive horror that another woman would dare do such a thing while they're hyper supportive of their boyfriends and these women must be low value and bad(not like them) and that obviously you should do it so you can find a woman comparable to them, the de facto gold standard.

Most men, IME, tend to be grounded about these things if they have a little dating experience. Its not a rare thing to happen even if it isn't universal. Most women though see this as an opportunity tk show that most women are wonderful and that they are extra wonderful.

NeighborhoodVeteran · 2022-07-02T14:51:13+00:00

Yes, eventually and if you trust them.

-passepar2t- · 2022-07-02T14:57:16+00:00

"Should" is for you to decide. There's no universal "should" in my world.

Now, is it good to be aware that showing vulnerability will cause many women to lose some respect and/or attraction for you? Yes, that's good to know and prepare for, because it is a thing that happens a lot.

You can decide to reveal your vulnerabilities in spite of that, either to test if a woman will stick by you or because you're too Chadly to care what some bitch thinks of your inner pain.

Or you can keep your vulnerabilities concealed and deal with them on your own time, with friends or therapists. That's a good option too.

2022-07-02T15:25:22+00:00

I think it depends on what that looks like, Ive known guys that use the appearance of vulnerability as a manipulation tactic, Ive literally had a guy tell me that the reason he used to cheat on all his girlfriends (he had a reputation) was because he was depressed and had low self esteem. Turns out he had a girlfriend the whole time a knew him.

Thats just to say theres a certain level of emotional maturity one has to have to be comfortable expressing emotion and vulnerability in healthy ways that will bring two people closer. Yes, sometimes it can backfire with the wrong person or execution but I don't think thats exclusive to men.

In a relationship where both parties are mature and serious ideally you should be able to share your past and be soft with each other and support each other otherwise the relationship is not worth being in. If you cant be vulnerable with your partner thats your fuck buddy and it will be short lived.

ChrimsonChin988 · 2022-07-02T16:04:15+00:00

It's very dependent on the girl and also your other behaviors. Is she emotionally mature (heads up: most people aren't), what is she looking for in a partner, etc. If her perception of you is a dominant man and that's what she's looking for, and suddenly you start behaving like a baby, she will ditch you. If, on the other hand, you are a feminine guy who doesn't lead the relationship, it's probably less of a surprise.

Nevertheless, my view is that if you start showing significant weakness for a prolonged amount of time it will end basically any relationship, or at least kill all attraction if there ever was any. People in general don't want to be around losers that suck their energy.

Personally, I never cried in front of women, share my dark thoughts or problems because I instinctively understand it will put many of them off. In addition, I don't believe discussing these things with women will solve the problem in any way, so there's no point.

Yokowi · 2022-07-02T16:10:28+00:00

I've never rejected a guy for that. Only once I got angry at my husband for that,and that's because he tried the "Oh, you're depressed? I am depressed too,and more!" but now it's all good,we both share at appropriate times. Hopefully we can keep on building up :)

Perfect_Promise_943 · 2022-07-02T18:10:53+00:00

I don’t know. I’ve had bad experiences here. With my ex, about 5 months in and had known each other for years, the moment I opened up to her about how I was raped as a child she started treating me differently and seeing me differently. Maybe it was something else I did? But so far the only thing I can think of is this. The day after, she started treating me differently and never changed back.

coolboy_24278 · 2022-07-02T19:40:08+00:00

i dont want anyone who dates me to view me a sa superhuman. i want to be seen as a normal human being with strengths and weaknesses. if she views me as some lower human life form because i show my weaknesses and flaws then i dont want her

SeulementPourToi · 2022-07-02T20:05:28+00:00

Well the only woman that that was understanding of my trauma, also didn't care. I told her I have PTSD from child abuse and after she got viscious with me and emulating the person's facial expression and anger(amongst other things) that beat me as a kid, she wiped the tears from my face and I told her about how her anger affects me, a second time. She said that she won't work on her anger or get rid of it for anyone because it makes her a strong woman. A little evil I think.

edwardpuppyhands · 2022-07-02T15:52:32+00:00

Nope I’m sorry but every women I’ve dated who I had been valuable in front of lost respect for me that day some of them even told me. They said they couldn’t see me as a strong protector anymore. All their attitudes changed they started insulting me, ignoring me, some even cheated on me. I learned my lesson if I need to be vulnerable I’m going to my friends not just girlfriend.

Barneysparky · 2022-07-02T14:37:08+00:00

If your weaknesses and vulnerabilities are worrying that she will cheat on you with Chad, force you to raise Chads kid, then divorce rape you then you certainly should tell her.

You will get dumped, but that's inevitable anyways for guys with that level of insecurity.

Vtridolla · 2022-07-02T14:35:16+00:00

I have literally never had my vulnerabilities looked down on, or used against me.

I would say things that not a lot of people would know, or your touchy subjects. I’m a big loud fit dude with a full beard and a fuck ton of tattoos, and I’m sensitive af. I be crying during movies n shit and women always eat it up. Songs will make me cry, shit earlier this ear i was at an art exhibit and this painting made me cry. Which was crazy I’ve never experienced something like that.

Fat_Papaya · 2022-07-02T14:50:36+00:00

I often hear about guys that do that and have it backfire hard even in LTRs. Usually she just dumps him soon after giving him the cold shoulder for a bit. It would be nice to open up with your loved one, but women have an incredibly low tolerance for anything they receive from men that bothers them even slightly (ex. Divorce rates, my above point, etc...) so the likelihood of getting dumped is quite high.

SnowHatesWome · 2022-07-02T16:16:51+00:00

Hell no, never. Was dating a girl and thought someone close to me dying would be a time I can be vulnerable with her. Soon as I shared I was sad she left. If your dad go to your bros. Cyndi Lauper wasn’t lying. Girls just wanna have fun

Valuable-Marzipan761 · 2022-07-02T15:47:12+00:00

no, not that early. you should still just be having fun together, not getting too deep into your personal issues.

Peacesquad · 2022-07-02T18:36:42+00:00

Lmao no

WOPR-1983 · 2022-07-02T18:37:12+00:00

Women want men to be "emotionally connected" because emotional connections are how they get into people's heads.

They do not want "displays of emotional vulnerability".

The whole point of the man not being vulnerable is so she can afford to be.

SwaySh0t · 2022-07-02T18:50:06+00:00

Rookie mistake. Pressure is built for shoulders not hips. Women are not equipped to deal with a man’s problem. If u need to vent, vent to your boys and not her because she WILL use it against you later at some point.

WarezMyDinrBitc · 2022-07-02T18:55:30+00:00

Definitely not. Women can't handle it. Even if they encourage you to completely open up, if you run your mouth too much they with end up holding things against you and resenting you for it, or they will throw them up in your face at the first major argument.

They aren't able to just appreciate that you bared your soul. Can't be objective about it and not hold things against you. Even if they don't hold things against you, they will always lose respect and attraction for you.

Women always think they know what's best for the relationship and they can't help but judge you. These things can add up and lead to a break up that may never have happened if you had just kept your mouth shut in the first place. All you're doing is giving her ammunition and changing her mind. There is no mystery anymore. Let her wonder about you.

A friend of mine's brother put it best. "Don't say things to women, DO things to women." That's what women do already, I realized. If they get mad, it's on them.

CocoBabeNYC · 2022-07-02T21:30:45+00:00

What mot guys think of vulnerability is in fact being a pathetic oversharer. Throwing up your guts and telling a woman that you are a pathetic loser instead of the confident and well adjusted man you pretended to be to get into her pants will get you nothing but scorn and disrespect. And the biggest reason is because men are deeply ashamed of their vulnerabilities. Men who are not ashamed of them, actually connect with women very well because guess what? Women have a ton of flaws and vulnerabilities themselves.

I tell women I am shy and can't get it up all the time. They never believe me!

Physical-Pie748 · 2022-07-02T21:49:24+00:00

no. because if you do that youre a weak beta male

Stunning-Spirit5275 · 2022-07-02T23:20:59+00:00

Weakness: mental and emotional are easy to spot. Once a woman notices these, she will question the relationship and potentially end it. Vulnerability such as insecurities and deeper fears may be harder to spot, but most women can be forgiving. It’s a question of the extent to which a mans maladaptiveness potentially affects a woman’s comfort, provision and security. Best advice is that if a man isn’t 100% going into a relationship, he will come out having lost 200%.

Toughen up buttercup

SolidusMonkey · 2022-07-03T00:10:04+00:00

Never. I literally had a girlfriend rapidly lose attraction to me and break up with me because I cried in front of her twice about my dad dying, once on the day he died and the other a month later.

You're just better never opening up to a girlfriend in my experience, unfortunately. There's a rare chance it could work out but it's just not worth the risk, sadly. Save that for your bros or your therapist. Or Reddit lol

feminologie_ · 2022-07-03T01:23:16+00:00

I'm a woman. A male friend once cried hysterically in front of me after he found out his girlfriend had cheated on him (we were just friends and was I not attracted to him to begin with). If I'm being 100% honest I felt disgusted by it. I don't know why. There was some primal part of me that instantly lost respect for him when I saw him in that state.

I've never been in a relationship where my SO cried in front of me. I am not one of those girls that encourages men to "open up" and be more vulnerable. I don't want that at all. If he opens up, I will be supportive and be very careful not to make him feel bad. But I will never encourage it because I learned from the situation with my friend that I can't handle when guys are emotional wrecks.

BTW, I don't think men should be emotionless robots. Of course they can show emotions, but they should always be in control of those emotions. For example getting teary eyed during a sad moment vs losing all composure and ugly-crying. The former I am okay with, the latter I cannot handle.

Personally I'm really attracted to stoic men. I like strong men who are resilient in the face of difficulties. I think a man should not fall apart emotionally in front of his woman. He should turn to his friends, family or a therapist to process those strong emotions. In my case, I will probably lose respect and attraction if he breaks down in front of me. I don't know why but that's just how I feel. I'm sure there are women who are not like me and who will be accepting of their man's vulnerability. There's no way to know for sure, so men should proceed with caution

ValentPerspective · 2022-07-03T02:27:18+00:00

Absolutely not

Ohms2North · 2022-07-03T04:01:03+00:00

I’ll never forget the look of confusion and disgust on my then wife’s face when I shared some of my fears with her. That was about 10 years into the relationship. Maybe I should have waited a bit longer

Azraphale89 · 2022-07-03T08:27:40+00:00

The only woman you should ever be vulnerable to is your mother, because she is the only women who will ever actually care, and the only one who won't judge you for it.

lostwanderer28 · 2022-07-03T08:41:13+00:00

Question for women - Have you ever rejected a guy after he has told/shown you? If yes, what is the biggest deal-breaker?

There is no way for women to answer this question without getting scolded. If they answer "yes" they will be told how brutal and heartless women are. If they say "no" they will be told that this is not the common experience of men.

I suppose, be honest with your emotions and intentions but try not to show any weakness. A "keep your tears for yourself" sort of approach is advisable, I guess.

Women want a man whom they can rely on. Just the physical presence of the man can be enough sometimes. Though in general, logically, women usually will demand more.

Excellent_Trouble_97 · 2022-07-03T09:18:16+00:00

if you break a rib you should admit that, but other than that women do not tolerate any other weakness.

LappenX · 2022-07-03T18:54:34+00:00

Why do you feel the need to actively show your weakness to people? They - including your partner - will notice your weaknesses anyway, they probably see and accept many weaknesses the first time you meet, and that is completely fine. You're just adding to the list of weaknesses by actively seeking attention and asking for recognition for your problems. This is a point you should consider even completely independent of your partner.

bison5595 · 2022-07-02T15:13:52+00:00

There’s no reason to express or show vulnerability. Work those issues out on your own or with a therapist. If you need to go to a therapist, you shouldn’t be in a relationship.

Lysa_Bell · 2022-07-02T15:21:12+00:00

Its okay to be vulnerable. It's not okay to use your partner as emotional crutch and therapist. Get your emotions together. You can't talk about that you are dealing with heavy stuff. But you actually have to deal with it.

CruelAngelGradThesis · 2022-07-02T14:47:02+00:00

Any weakness that isn't accompanied by violence/destructive tendencies is perfectly fine in my book.

Crying? Okay. Crying that culminates in punching a fucking hole in the wall? Dealbreaker. No second chances. And of course I have no doubt that there are plenty of men who would blame getting dumped in the latter scenario on "opening up" or "vulnerability."

801735 · 2022-07-02T14:54:42+00:00

Should you show your weaknesses & vulnerabilities to women that you are dating?

Depends. Do you want to continue the dating or not?

EulenWatcher · 2022-07-02T14:59:54+00:00

Have you ever rejected a guy after he has told/shown you? If yes, what is the biggest deal-breaker?

Nope, but I've also never dated anyone besides my husband. And he did share some of his worries with me on one of our first dates, but it wasn't anything crucial like death of a close one or childhood trauma, just everyday stuff.

Overall I think there are different level of trust and different levels of vulnerability you can show depending on the stage of dating you're in.

gladusgates · 2022-07-02T19:01:59+00:00

How many times must we go through this talking point? Absolutely NOT. Women cannot control what something like this will do to their attraction for you. Attraction is non-negotiable.

throwaway164_3 · 2022-07-02T16:22:09+00:00

Not until you’ve had sex and fucked her brains out multiple times. You need to establish that primal masculine energy before opening up your feminine/emotional/vulnerable side.

-Ivar-TheBoneless · 2022-07-02T15:22:09+00:00

This is just a horrible idea. You never show weakness ever.

I worked as an EMT before. I seen guys that really caught a bad one, like having an accident, or got injured. I always noticed how their girlfriends turned on them or just looked at them with disgust. Absolutely no support just disgust for seeing them in a moment of weakness.

Like Rollo said this kind of shit is beta bait. It's to trick the beta into revealing themselves so she can disqualify him.

IcarusKiki · 2022-07-02T16:08:34+00:00

you shouldnt hide them but you shouldnt accept them either. Work on them.

MickIsBlue · 2022-07-02T15:29:37+00:00

As a general rule. There is a balance. Don't be so forwards sharing vulnerabilities but don't always be so quick to hide everything. If you are going to vulnerable. Talk vulnerable but don't act vulnerable. I.E. crying, low self esteem, emotional.

King-SAMO · 2022-07-02T20:47:53+00:00

Back when I was gambling, one thing I worked real hard at was refining two different “tells”, or more accurately I practiced a fake tell and started exaggerating one of my more obvious natural tells. It helped; one guy threatened to shoot me after I took all his money on a bluff that wasn’t a bluff, but he was fine.

my point is that eventually I started trying to do this in my dating life, divulging traumatic shit that was only sort of true when it was time to open up heart to heart [usually when the relationship approaches the “meet each other’s parents” level, for the record]
mileage varied, some girls ate it up and a few called me on my shit.

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Lower-Let3422 · 2022-07-02T15:49:46+00:00

Nope, too risky.

PlayfulLawyer · 2022-07-02T16:00:21+00:00

On certain things and in certain moments sure, now that being said I'm not just the puddle of goo who's going to cry at every single thing that's just not how I'm wired, and before you show a certain level of emotional vulnerability should make sure the woman is worth it

figuringMylife · 2022-07-02T16:25:16+00:00

no women are EVIL

The9thElement · 2022-07-02T16:27:02+00:00

Obviously not at the beginning of a relationship. When you become committed and serious, sure.

Philip8000 · 2022-07-02T16:41:10+00:00

I've learned it's often not a good idea to do in general. I suffered from depression for a lot of years for various reasons and even now, I've found opening up to people often makes them not want to be around me. Even if they've opened up more than I have and I tried to be supportive.

If you're in a committed, long-term relationship, I think you can afford some vulnerability. I wouldn't do it when you first start dating, though.

meteorness123 · 2022-07-02T16:52:57+00:00

You get to a point where you don't care as a man. If she doesn't accept my vulnerabities, she can always walk out and look for another dude and I'll find me someone who will accept me. No bad blood either, just compatibility.

You guys are still in this qualifying mindset. You're qualifying yourself for the women. Ask yourself what you want from your partner and if emotional intimacy (without it being constant, one-sided burdening), than screen for those women and don't accept anything else.

cherrysoupsux · 2022-07-02T17:12:26+00:00

At the start, absolutely not. Amd in a ltr, not all of them. Same goes with women. Dont give someone complete power over you, ever.

KayRay1994 · 2022-07-02T17:36:29+00:00

The key is to show vulnerability without showing weakness, and problem is a lot of guys view the two as one in the same so both are expressed at the same time - obviously, in a hook up/fwb type scenario, don’t show any - y’all aren’t there to emotionally support each other, so there is no need. When you’re friends/consistently dating - be vulnerable, but also keep your head above your shoulders, don’t be weak - that’s the key thing

kblkbl165 · 2022-07-02T17:45:41+00:00

I always do. It's a great way to veto shitty women.

Of course how much I show hinges on how comfortable I'm with them and for how long we're seeing each other but I tend to open up ASAP in order to gauge their reactions.

moosemc · 2022-07-02T17:47:48+00:00

And then you graduate.

And none of this applies.

LUCKYMAZE · 2022-07-02T17:53:27+00:00

if you’re good looking it doesn’t matter, it’s all based on looks

Clean-Huckleberry750 · 2022-07-02T18:09:17+00:00

I know way too many girls who hooked up with a guy after he publicly cried about his life failures in an AA meeting to believe that vulnerability is universally unattractive. But they drunks so

Det_Steve_Sloan · 2022-07-02T18:14:27+00:00

How do you respond to shit test aimed to show them?

I don't respond to shit tests. I'm too good looking. The majority don't do it, so why put up with an arrogant little fuck at all, if two more are going to be sweet?

Zcuzz · 2022-07-02T18:30:19+00:00

Never. They will use it against you eventually without fail.

2022-07-02T18:36:15+00:00

I personally don't date without already having a pretty personal and special bond with someone, and part of that is that we've both been comfortable in sharing things with one another, core issues and whatnot. So its pretty important to me that the person I'm with can feel comfortable being vulnerable with me.

This doesn't mean I'm necessarily going to take everything in stride. But those are usually pretty big extremes. Like if they have an explosive anger issue they can't control historically that is violent, no. Nuhuh. Nada. Or more on the criminal side if they admit they are a paedophile or something. All of those are pretty much deal breakers. Thoughts of being polygamous or cheating? Sorry, goodbye. I've been cheated on once and it will not happen again. But most everything? Insecurities, concerns, familial issues and rough pasts or things that they have phobias over or just can't handle well because of trauma, I'm here for that, I'm not gonna drop someone for that kind of thing. Especially because if we're even dating that means we've been friends for a long time already.

Everyone has their limits, that's not exclusive to women and it shouldn't be taken that way.

FireGodGoesSeeknFire · 2022-07-02T18:38:16+00:00

If you can do it without being a wetsop or passive aggressive its better to do it early. Don't overwhelm her with a grand tour of your subconscious damage but when they're relevant don't be afraid to say things which might clue her in or outright reveal your less well finished sides.

mayoissandwichpus · 2022-07-02T18:49:37+00:00

Having weaknesses and vulnerabilities doesn’t make you weak or vulnerable as a man. It is perfectly possible to convey confidence power strength resilience hopefulness ambition but still be open and honest about insecurities and weaknesses. It’s OK to miss your mom as a grown ass man. Girls are afraid that you’re actually a broken person inside or that your insecurities are the actual you, and the confidence that you portray is the fake you.

HazyMemory7 · 2022-07-02T19:32:36+00:00

If you want her to lose all respect and attraction for you, sure.

nedinator3000 · 2022-07-02T19:56:58+00:00

Only if you’ve been around each other for a while. Being vulnerable is unattractive to women if they don’t feel like they earned it.

chalkandapples · 2022-07-02T20:06:44+00:00

I'm a woman, and I only reject guys for "weakness" if it shows that they're fundamentally a bad person based on how they reacted to the situation. Or if it is so concerning it borders on having mental health issues. I am very unqualified to deal with people with mental health issues, this includes friends. I can't relate to a lot of my friend's vents because I just don't understand their traumas.

I feel like if I was a man, I wouldn't want to live with a person that I had to hide my true feelings from the rest of my life.

Character-Current-57 · 2022-07-02T20:45:29+00:00

Never

herefortheparty01 · 2022-07-02T21:38:41+00:00

Dating no. Absolutely not. If she’s your wife or you have a decade with her. Sure

divingrose77101 · 2022-07-02T22:19:06+00:00

A man can be vulnerable with me on the first date and I will like it. Just don’t be fake. I can’t handle fake people.

trail22 · 2022-07-02T22:35:08+00:00

I think expressing weakness in a way where it makes the women feel like its her repsonsibility to fix it, is more the issue. Whether or not you have a handle on it. But I think thats true for men and women.

EviessVeralan · 2022-07-03T00:59:22+00:00

If youre casually dating, no. If youre looking for a long term relationship/marriage i would say yes, mainly to make sure the woman youre with isnt a heartless jerk. A woman who truly loves her man would try to comfort and support her man when he has a bad day, not tear him down.

Bad-DPS · 2022-07-03T01:14:38+00:00

Well, since I will probably leave my bf because, even after 6 years, he refuses to do so, I would say yes.

Artistic_Chip · 2022-07-03T01:36:46+00:00

True strength and confidence is being vulnerable to a girl you like. It's honesty, which is harder to do than to lie

oniialiani · 2022-07-03T02:23:59+00:00

it depends. it WILL turn me off if

it’s extremely early in the relationship
+ he’s not all that attractive
it happens too often

i’m in a long term relationship right now and my bf is very masculine and emotionally strong. but i love when he shows vulnerability or when i catch it. it makes me feel protective over him and my love grows stronger. but it’s bc he’s hot and nothing turns me off about him maybe

2022-07-03T02:59:23+00:00

If you're hiding the fact you're weak and vulnerable it will come out in the end.

chilumibrainrot · 2022-07-03T03:34:25+00:00

i think it depends, theres no clear cut answer for this. it depends on the vulnerability youre sharing, it depends on the time and point in the relationship youre sharing, and the manner you share it in. if you want to express a weakness (for example, an insecurity about a physical attribute) with a girl its fine to do so but you need to evaluate your relationship beforehand. were you both talking about insecurities or did you bring it up out of nowhere? how long have you known her, and has she shared any insecurities with you? if she hasnt shared insecurities with you yet, i wouldnt't start.

ValentPerspective · 2022-07-03T04:06:50+00:00

We all know that most communication isn't verbal. You can be upfront about your vulnerabilities without seeming insecure if that makes sense. As long as you're not too neurotic about it then you should be fine. That being said, don't disclose too much as the man and don't put the burden of your emotional state on the woman.

iLiveInAHologram94 · 2022-07-03T04:46:05+00:00

It depends on timing. If it's really new, then no. Just mention you're going through a hard time but I don't think you should delve too deeply. This goes for everyone gender regardless and sexual preferences regardless. The reason being is early on you should be still getting to know one another, making positive impressions, and keeping it kind of lighter.

Later into the relationship you absolutely should. It shows trust and maturity. Nothing makes me feel closer to my guy then when he opens about some of his vulnerabilities and skeletons. We are nearly two years into dating and over two years of knowing one another. But I actually did reject him the first time for basically the "question for women" bit. We were pretty new into talking, like a month maybe two and he started telling me everyday how miserable he was and it was all he talked about. Everyday. I was still trying to get to know him and figure out where I saw this going and he showed me he was a person who was miserable and was doing nothing about it. He wasn't even listening to my day or making it about his miserable day. I lost my attraction to him and eventually didn't want to even talk to him because I didn't want to hear about it anymore. I broke things off with him for a few months and eventually he reached back out. Had changed a lot of things in his life and is a lot happier. Still a bit of a grump but he's my grump. I'm impressed by his motivation to improve and grow as a person. He actually just moved in with me officially tonight. :D

There were two other guys who I rejected similarly. They had shown me their vulnerabilities: both had just gotten out of abusive relationships, and were clearly REELING from them. Still upsets me to think about. I didn't see a future with one guy but we had a nice date anyway and I wished him well. I think he had a nice time as well but he knew and kind of expressed he was trying to just get back out there and talk to new people. He knew he was reeling.

The other guy didn't seem to know he was reeling as much as he was. I don't think he even realized how abusive of a relationship he was in. I really liked him and I think if we had met at another time we really could have been something. But he was not in a good place, and I just realized I couldn't help a stranger out of it, and maintain and grow an attraction, and all while I was having a hard time myself. I deal with depression and anxiety and it wasn't in the best place when I met him, but I was in the process of healing. I just realized I couldn't save him and myself, and I wanted to be with someone who was more stable. I didn't express all this to him as much, it was kind of sudden my change in feelings and I really regret not explaining myself better to him. I think I may have given him some whiplash and that's my fault. I didn't even get why I was feeling the way I was, how I could be so into him one minute and by the end of the date not into him at all. It gave me whiplash and even made me upset at the time, I cried a little out of confusion. It was so weird. He had come over my place for the first time and we were making out and then had some heart to hearts and then he started really talking about his ex and I realized he kind of wasn't over her or was far from healing. He also hadn't showered before he came over and I just kind of lost my attraction for him. Idk it sucked, I didn't want to feel that way. I hope he took the time to heal and prioritize himself. I still think of him from time to time and hope he's doing alright.

Jonesw16 · 2022-07-03T11:12:09+00:00

No, you must never show your weaknesses. A king doesn't tell his people about his weaknesses. You're made as a leader not an unstable follower.

NateHate1402 · 2022-07-03T11:21:08+00:00

To a point and in certain instances.

Chemtrails702 · 2022-07-03T11:23:38+00:00

Every time I have shown weakness it has ended badly and been used against me in arguments. I struggle with mental illness and emotional regulation so it can be hard for me to not be authentic/ hide my emotions. This has been a struggle for me as it makes me feel like being neurodivergent makes me unworthy of being in a relationship.

zabrak200 · 2022-07-03T13:43:07+00:00

So discussing vulnerability is typically something you do with someone you trust greatly like a close friend or a family member.

The relationship you describe is not that close. Yet. Officially Date for a few weeks maybe even months. Then its much safer to open up about these things.

Assuming your partner isn’t a misandrist then your gonna lose no matter how little emotion you show.

daproest1 · 2022-07-03T13:47:08+00:00

No. Never.

AncientLamborghini · 2022-09-14T06:19:58+00:00

Absolutely not

Title	Should you show your weaknesses & vulnerabilities to women that you are dating?
Author	SecretPepeMaster
Upvotes	78
Comments	349
Date	July 2, 2022 2:29 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/vpt0d2/should_you_show_your_weaknesses_vulnerabilities/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/should-you-show-your-weaknesses-vulnerabilities-to.1121716 https://theredarchive.com/post/1121716

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