Your opinions: Men using their vulnerability as a sh*t test?

Mark_Freed · 2022-01-18T15:11:04+00:00

fancy of you to assume most guys have so many options that they need to "weed" out these women.

But seriously? you don't need to fake it, every guy has real stuff they can share and should share so yeah it is a good test. I guess I might use a fake one to check before actually exposing myself to pain.

But only a few girls reach that level where I feel the desire to be that vulnurable to them, by that time I know them pretty well. Often the issue if you are vulnurable too early. If you take your time and your taste is not shit I don't think girls are that rude in thier reaction.

It does kill their attraction towards you, they will just walk away ime.

For red pill guys here the approach of being stoic and not showing it might actually work, so why shit test if you plan to maintain "frame"?

nicethingyoucanthave · 2022-01-18T14:35:52+00:00

I have an example saved from this very subreddit of exactly what you're talking about:

a lot of them cloak their feelings of disgust in terms like "trauma dumping" or "emotional labor".

Here it is

/u/Technical_Block1172 says that her husband had trust issues stemming from past relationships (i.e. vulnerability) and that she helped him overcome them.

/u/GoldandGlowing (an FDSer, btw) sarcastically characterizes this help as "free therapy to build him into a non-woman hating bf"

TardisCat2020 · 2022-01-18T14:43:14+00:00

I'm against shit testing as a rule. If something happens naturally in the course of a relationship, and I really don't like how my partner handled it, then I'll either give one more chance or dump them. Gotta have that abundance mentality otherwise youll get stuck with the kind of low tier women we complain about here.

-passepar2t- · 2022-01-18T13:37:19+00:00

It's like when racists perceive normal behavior by black people as threatening; they can't see their own bias on the matter.

This is good, I like this.

I don't use vulnerability to test women but it is a good tool to get rid of a woman while making her think that she's the one who dumped you.

flamingoinghome · 2022-01-18T14:35:27+00:00

I don't like the term "shit test," but I do like this idea. Screening for someone you can trust, who will be supportive and compassionate if something gets rough, is just good sense.

LittyKitsune · 2022-01-18T13:57:03+00:00

Eh not a fan of tests of this nature in general. More often than not it comes off as a way to get around the work of tough, honest conversations and actually taking time to get to know someone. Plus, many people can see right through them and will just give the answer they think you want to hear.

Like I remember an RA post where a girl was getting her dates to watch a certain movie and then judged his views on women based on his thoughts. Then after they were together for a long time she found out that her BF was entirely aware of her "test" and even coached another dude on how to answer it.

Fishyinthemiddle · 2022-01-18T18:29:34+00:00

I'm not a fan of shit tests in general, but as they go, this one seems pretty good. Having a partner you can be authentic with is essential for long term happiness.

GridReXX · 2022-01-18T13:20:52+00:00

I like that my female friends have other friends so when we’re commiserating (or I guess some would call it “trauma dumping” — I’ve never related to it as such) I don’t feel like the weight of her “traumas” or emotional pain is solely on me. She has a support team and everyone in her support team has support system. It’s embedded and curated resilience.

It often appears to women who date men, that he has no one else he’s expressing to except her (his SO). Which is his prerogative, but for the reasons I listed above, is a less emotionally resilient practice for all involved.

Barneysparky · 2022-01-18T13:56:51+00:00

It depends on what the emotional vulnerability is.

Guy A is a gamer who hates his job and tells you about those feelings, but doesn't look for a new job. He's jealous of a sibling who makes more than him, and tells you about that. Is concerned you have a larger N count than him, and tells you about that, thinks he's not as good as other men, tells you about that.

Guy B hates his job, tells you that, but is actively looking, gaining skill. Loves his sibling and admires him, want to work to succeed like them, tells you about that. Tells you sometimes he worries you will leave him, but actively listens when you tell him how valuable he is to you.

Which one would be a turn-off?

Chiyuki_Fujiwara · 2022-01-18T15:51:50+00:00

It sounds judge-y to call it a test and may be a bit too straight-forward. But in principle, I've recommended this to most of my guy-friends, too, actually. Despite how girls perceive guys and the stereotype of girls maturing faster, this is a pretty good tell if she's actually emotionally mature (do mind it's because I'm pretty young, so this is generally good advice for the demographic I'm talking about. Especially if you do have issues, it's important that the other party is ok with that).

ex_red_black_piller · 2022-01-18T18:04:50+00:00

Women don't want a partner, they want a terminator.

razormachine · 2022-01-18T13:28:43+00:00

I just take for granted that showing emotions to women is a big no-no, so there is really no reason to shit-test those.

EDIT: showing negative emotions

Blightning421 · 2022-01-18T13:46:02+00:00

Wow I'm surprised this whole thread didnt get deleted by mods, since its critical of women

I've experienced "trauma dumping" when a girlfriend of mine saw me crying after I recieved a call telling me my friend had died. Less than 24 hours later, my gf was on dating sites looking for my replacement

Male vulnerability is a huge turn off for women. Any percieved weakness is. The only thing you can test for is tolerance for that "weakness"; it will never actually be truly accepted by women

Harambe-2036 · 2022-01-18T19:39:08+00:00

Never heard of doing this but will probably start doing it early in relationships.

I want to date a high value woman who understands that men have emotional needs and worries.

I usually drop that I’m in therapy during the 1st or 2nd date. If she takes it well, it’s a good sign.

And before anyone tries to flip the script and says “women don’t trauma dump that early” I’ve literally had women share with me on the 2nd or 3rd date that they’ve been raped and are still dealing with the mental side effects of that. If I can handle something that intense ladies, you can handle a guy with depression/anxiety issues.

Whynotbebetter · 2022-01-18T23:49:21+00:00

You mean like women first complain about men not showing emotion, but when you show'em, they complain about the emotional labour they have to do? Or what exactly is it you're saying? 😅

UnIntelligent_Local · 2022-01-18T13:53:29+00:00

If you ever want to break up with your girlfriend, but you're afraid to tell her you want to break up... Just be emotionally vulnerable in front of her and she'll do the breaking up for you. Until next time! *Sprints off into the darkness

divingrose77101 · 2022-01-18T13:31:37+00:00

I’ve been in group therapy with men and women. Any time someone shows vulnerability, it automatically increases my affection and love for them. This is the same in the dating world as it is in the therapy room. A woman who doesn’t like your vulnerability isn’t able to process her own emotions in a healthy way. Red flag.

Im_The_Daiquiri_Man · 2022-01-18T13:41:29+00:00

I actually like to do this after we’ve already had sex at least a few times and I know she caught feels and generally when I’m indifferent to whether she stays or goes.

If she is disgusted, it will be near impossible to hide if we are fucking, whereas she could easily grit her teeth and pretend to be okay with it and string me along for months otherwise.

This way, she’s got to come to terms with it one way or another.

If she bails, all the better. Already had sex. Buh bye.

I will say, that even with female friends you can tell they are just not built to truly listen to male problems. They get bored or suddenly want to talk about their even worse situation to bring the topic back to them asap.

Only women in my immediate family have ever truly given a fuck enough to listen and help me through my shit.

Ohmaygahh · 2022-01-18T15:15:14+00:00

Lol. Most men will never be sophisticated enough to use vulnerability as a filter.

DerekMorganBAU · 2022-01-18T13:59:41+00:00

I’m 99% sure it comes down to how you do it. You can cry and shit but act like you have some nuts. None of that shivering and shaking with mucus streaming down your face. No one likes that. Have that silent tear come out.

Though I will say women seem to be more tolerant of a man expressing his hurt through anger and rage than through depression and sadness

Notanothrshitthrow · 2022-01-18T13:30:22+00:00

but when they're confronted with it a lot of them cloak their feelings of disgust in terms like "trauma dumping" or "emotional labor".

I've only really seen FDS type women express this, and they're to be avoided. I've only encountered good things when expressing vulnerability to my current and former GFs (barring one, who had BPD....also something to avoid).

mitigated-disaster · 2022-01-18T13:45:35+00:00

I've done this before.

Keep in mind. I didn't want to date her. She was adamant about being my friend, seriously she wouldn't leave me alone. So I figured 'fuck it'. Let's play a game.

I told her I had some trauma and because of this I hated being called 'good boy'. This was a lie...

A few weeks later, I decided to purposely piss her off, to see her response. I already knew what she would do but wanted to confirm it.

And as expected, she got pissed off and she started calling me good boy with the intention of hurting me. (it didn't bother me, I was lying the entire time) After she calmed down, she didn't even apologise, just sheepishly approached me to see if I was hurt by her actions and subsequently angry at her.

So men do have to be careful revealing emotions to a woman. Shitty women won't see vulnerability... They see ammo. But of course men do it to. But I'm a man who deals with women so I speak from that perspective.

wtknight · 2022-01-18T13:25:30+00:00

It’s silly to do this. It’s like admitting to messing up at previous jobs to an employer that one is doing a job interview for. Once a guy has established himself as a solid partner in other ways than a woman might be more understanding of vulnerabilities.

Most men would prefer women don’t have issues either. It’s just that they are so sexually thirsty that they often don’t care. Women don’t have the sexual thirst and scarcity that most men do, and most women don’t have relationship thirst either, so the chances that she’ll be forgiving of a new partner are small. The chances that she’ll be forgiving of an existing, established partner that she has already created a strong emotional bond with are better.

Daunt02 · 2022-01-18T16:07:29+00:00

These kind of tests fail for most men unless they already have a level of attraction. Sympathy is in short supplt for most men.

Maxarc · 2022-01-18T17:34:43+00:00

There are nuances to be found here. I think you can be someone that is against trauma dumping, while also being in favour of vulnerability in your partner.

A big reason men trauma dump is because society doesn't allow them to be vulnerable, which then makes all that pent up steam release into a person they trust, usually their parents or their partner. This means that trauma dumping is not actual vulnerability, because it's the safest way to express yourself without judgement. To the contrary, even. It's usually precisely a consequence of not allowing yourself to be vulnerable enough. But hold your horses before you start judging guys over this, because I have a thing or two to say about that as well.

Can anyone really blame men for doing this? The only time someone should be allowed to give this critique on men is when they did everything in their power to weed out backwards ideas about how emotions relate to masculinity. And I can tell you, it's still way too rare. If this is not the case, it's wise for them to shut the fuck up as they are part of the problem they claim to be against, actually. I feel like we can use a little bit of compassion here. Instead of shaming men for doing this, let's actually address the underlying root cause of this problem, which is the complete lack of social support when men express difficulties.

CFinCanada · 2022-01-18T18:19:03+00:00

The notion is amusing to me, I must admit.

I mean, what are the men even vetting for in that case? I found my boyfriend's opening up about his tough high school experience and crying on our fifth date to be moving and it made me feel protective of him, but I'm certainly no tradcon, I'm an "ew, gender roles" type. A traditionalist woman who wants a provider man may have found it off-putting. And I get the impression that's what all of the men on the internet are after, is a pickme who wants a stoic "man's man," or whatever, in exchange for letting the man cheat and making him sandwiches.

Flightlessbirbz · 2022-01-18T18:44:38+00:00

The problem with “emotionally vulnerable” men is when it’s all one-sided. They want you to listen and have compassion for them, which is fine, but then when they tables are turned they have zero interest in listening to you. It’s not always a gendered thing, there are plenty of female “friends” out there who will act this way, too. But very few men are good listeners. So that can be reason why a woman seems more compassionate with her friend, mom, sister, etc. than with a male partner. Emotional vulnerability is not a turnoff for me, but a man who barely ever listens when I speak who suddenly wants me to play therapist? That’s a turnoff, yes. This is often the issue with so-called “soft boys.” They play the part of this sweet, vulnerable guy, but are actually quite manipulative and don’t really give two shits about you. Someone who is constantly complaining but refuses to do anything to improve their situation is also frustrating, regardless of gender.

Romantic partners should be able to share secrets and provide mutual emotional support to each other. They also both need other people outside the relationship to supplement that support. Otherwise, one or both partners will end up drained.

SteveSan82 · 2022-01-18T23:01:11+00:00

Never reveal personal stuff to women. She just uses it to hurt you later or as an excuse to branch swing.

levelboss · 2022-01-18T23:33:30+00:00

I broke up with an ex girlfriend because she was too fragile and weak. Like i’m all for being there for your partner when things are tough but I can’t tolerate my partner not being equipped with handling the setbacks of life lol

Swine_Prince · 2022-01-19T09:37:39+00:00

Weighing in here, yes I have absolutely observed this. As men are pushed and encouraged more to be emotionally open and develop their emotional intelligence, this is, I feel a logical next step.

Women are encouraged to be supportive of men when they open up, but are not told how or what to do when it happens, so inevitably they are so poorly equipped when he does that it causes oftentimes new damage and runs the risk of him never opening up again as a result.

It's a beautiful thing personally, that we've progressed from men opening up and being called 'whiny', 'insecure', 'weak' before, and being met with everything from pity to disgust, to where we are now. It is a brave thing to be vulnerable to and for someone and absolutely I can see this as a type of shit test.

Calling it a shit test however isn't a term that fits with the vibe. This is about trust after all. Having to 'weed out' certain women this way may be fine but if you're already in a negative headspace by perceiving that then you'll come to resent sadly, which will only do you more harm than good.

Things like these come up naturally during a relationship. We open up, we observe, we move a little more, we make our moves based on what happens next.

The difficult part admittedly is not becoming bitter if you are 'rejected', and chalking it up to dating a woman who is not mature or has genuine issues and bias, even subconscious.

This is a good post that can expand upon mental wellness I think.

dysonRing · 2022-01-18T13:19:30+00:00

I made that mistake recently, I am human and was triggered and babbled like a moron, knew immediately the mistake I made, but probably have to cross her off the list, dating is such a minefield.

Intrepid_Place5390 · 2022-01-18T13:35:16+00:00

Women want their man to be open and vulnerable with them.

they don't however, want their men to be really emotional, like crying or complaining/whining. I know some of you women will say, Oh, I love when my man cries. Trust me, you are NOT the norm.

Crying with death of loved one, fine, it's expected.

Crying because the steelers got their butt kicked, no, not good.

There's a fine line with being an emotional rock/stoic and a robot with no feeling also. The other is being vulnerable and overly emotional.

With me, this has never been a problem, finding the middle ground.

Women are usually emotional creatures, so having a guy who is more stoic is a balancing affect. That's the way I look at it. Why women (generally) don't like emotional men, can't say. But it's absolutely true.

KirthWGersen · 2022-01-18T14:42:21+00:00

I've done that: after knowing a woman for some time I will reveal a vulnerability I don't actually have. If she reacts supportively at the time, but uses it as ammunition the next time she is pissed off with me, I know I can never trust her and our relationship will be limited.

FPSzero · 2022-01-19T00:37:03+00:00

Tests are a nope for any gender...

I'd leave right then and there. I have turned around and dropped off girlfriends who tried this shit. And mostly it ends up the better decision.

F34r-L0ath1ng · 2022-01-18T15:54:43+00:00

I’m not fan of these tests. They are childish and deceitful, I honestly think anyone “failing” them has also dodged a bullet - it’s building a relationship on whether or not someone passes or fails a test usually set up for them to fail. In this test your vulnerability is performative, you can’t accurately gauge how a women is actually going to react when you are being vulnerable for real.

The issue with vulnerability is that some men aren’t great at knowing when’s appropriate and how much is appropriate. I’ve had many men be vulnerable with me and have had many experiences. Some men are great and open honest conversations about his struggles have strengthened our relationship - I think this vulnerability is important. However other men aren’t so great they have opened up too much too soon, or too regularly, or they are the type who only allow themselves to be vulnerable and avoid situations when I need to be vulnerable.

Being vulnerable with your partner or someone who may become your partner should be strengthening, it’s important. But it’s important you learn how to be appropriately vulnerable, you can’t treat your date like a therapist, or dump a load of your past trauma on someone while your meant to be having a nice lunch, or get all awkward with her when it’s her time to open up.

Now I can’t speak for other women, only myself, as someone who’s been with men who have been great at opening up (being vulnerable in all the right times) and others who have more or less used me as free therapy - I know the difference between healthy vulnerability and trauma dumping. If someone is suggesting you are trauma dumping or that you being vulnerable is emotionally laborious for them, I might reevaluate how you go about being vulnerable and when you choose to be.

pubgmisc · 2022-01-18T18:24:37+00:00

Men don’t shit test and if you have masculine issues, then talk to your male friends only. If something bad happens, tell her you’re gonna fix it and go to your male friends

billsull_02842 · 2022-01-21T05:41:58+00:00

i believe women go for doctors not patients.

LillthOfBabylon · 2022-01-18T14:12:29+00:00

Most women don't seem to believe that they have issues with male vulnerability,

They dont. There’s a difference between having a vulnerable moment and never shutting the fuck up about his problems.

"trauma dumping" or "emotional labor".

Treating people like a free therapist is AWFUL. Would you want to be around someone anyone who does nothing but cry to you?

It's like when racists perceive normal behavior by black people as threatening;

And this is how I end up not caring about people’s “problems”. If you have to compare your “problems” with more serious problems, that means your own “problems” arent legitimate enough to stand on their own. Hence, you have to appeal to people’s emotions other ways.

Fusiontron · 2022-01-18T17:05:37+00:00

Mate . . . this is the sort of thing that determines who gets the ring. It is the ULTIMATE test. Otherwise . . . what's the point?

Unfortunately, the woman who most recently passed the test and I also completely disagreed on how many children to have (her: 0 me: 4) so we were incompatible.

But it's not something I have a schedule for, it's just whenever we naturally progress to that point and I take the plunge. You have got to be willing to take the risk you get hurt.

King8Kaista · 2022-01-18T18:44:01+00:00

So a test that they’re bound to fail? An emotionally vulnerable man is repellent to women and that’s not a bad thing. Women have to seek strong men for the sake of their survival and their offspring’s survival, which is why they naturally use shit tests themselves. We should stop criticizing women for this instinct.

poppy_blu · 2022-01-18T16:35:14+00:00

Two things:

Men absolutely do play the emotional card to get into a woman’s pants. It’s only going to work in certain circumstances with certain women, but it does work. I used an example of a comedic depiction of this in boomerang, where Eddie Murphy gives a nice girl a sob story about being left at the alter by his one true love. That sultmaker (or whatever) guy tried to tear me a new one, insisting that this never happens cUz giRlz dUmP u wHeN I cRyez but most people have seen this work at least once in their lives. A parallel of this is men who pretend to have progressive values to get woke type girls to sleep with them.
Consider the source. The predominant form of vulnerability/emotional expression among PPD seems to be whining and complaining. Which is all the more annoying when its coming from men who seem to be unaware of their own privilege. When they talk about being dumped for showing emotion I’d bet that “emotion” is similar to the bitching and moaning they do here. A man who cries at a deeply emotional moment is not unattractive. A man who whines about how unfair it is that feminism allowed women to fuck who they want will never be attractive.

mandoa_sky · 2022-01-18T14:27:31+00:00

it all depends on how long i've known you for as well.

close friends I've known for a long time? not a problem

someone who is still technically an acquaintance? kinda weird for you to do that mate.

what the problem is ....? well honestly bud, i already pay to see a therapist myself. i'm wholly unqualified re some issues to be able to help anyway.

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Karmanger · 2022-01-18T14:48:31+00:00

Depends on when you do it.

First date? Terrible Idea, who wants to be with someone who dumps their insecurities on them right away. The only exception to this rule are ridiculously attractive people (google the tinder pedophile example)

3rd or 4th date? Sure that would be the optimal time where you can assume certain things about their personality and any insecurities would be more "interesting" then after you know who they are.

pussandra · 2022-01-18T15:12:48+00:00

Trauma dumping and emotional labour aren't just issues in female/male romantic relationships. They're issues with all kinds of relationships, including platonic, and describe people bringing up heavy traumas in inappropriate moments, in relationships that are underdeveloped emotionally, or with people who share similar traumas and are triggered by them being mentioned. Not some inherent bias against vulnerable men at all, rather an aversion to be used as a therapist and emotional punching bag.

Dealunbreaker · 2022-01-18T15:17:21+00:00

i find it to be kind of manipulative to intentionally create an emotionally charged issue/moment for the sole purpose of testing your partner. from either gender cuz i know women do that shit too.

that said, i guess if this tactic has been used on me i've always passed because all of the boyfriends i've been with have always been comfortable with vulnerabilities like that with me. my husband has always been a crier about very emotional things and it's never bothered me.

toasterchild · 2022-01-18T15:32:19+00:00

When are you doing this? Just randomly early in dating as a test? Or in a moment when the conversation really made sense?

If someone I've recently met and started dating dumps something really deep and emotional on me out of the blue in going to probably assume he's emotionally unstable.

If we're having a conversation that gets there naturally sure but I'd expect to have known him for a while before it gets so deep.

People who move a relationship into deep places to quickly tend to have some sort of personality disorder so it makes me weary at best.

chiriklo · 2022-01-18T16:18:48+00:00

Showing vulnerability is a valid way to get to know someone, often they'll do it back. Using this as a "shit test" is fucked

I think it's super gross to be vulnerable with someone (this is the kind of brave behavior that tends to foster genuine human connection) purely as a "shit test"

Gah. This fucking sub my fairy godmother.

Smithersink · 2022-01-18T16:37:21+00:00

I don't think there's anything wrong with being vulnerable to test the other person, regardless of sex; but you do have to accept when the other person is taken aback and loses interest. I've had girls tell me stuff that made me lose some interest in them and vice versa. If she doesn't accept your shit, either you dodged a bullet, or maybe you need to work on yourself more.

1962_beta-simp · 2022-01-18T17:42:17+00:00

Wtf?

dante42lk · 2022-01-18T18:00:17+00:00

I think most of the time it would just lower the attraction for you. Considering the scarcity of average man's choice in partners it's a suicidal-like move. But a worthy tactic for a chad to get the best woman if those exist ofc :D

GoodApollo506 · 2022-01-18T21:25:29+00:00

Wouldn’t work….

In todays dating market, women don’t need to put up with anyones “shit” because a better guy is just a swipe away.

Apprehensive_Boat_70 · 2022-01-18T21:59:26+00:00

I really see no reason to share with my SO how miserable my life can be, i can share hard situations but i dont like to complaint, "opening" up about my miseries only stresses me more, i look for solutions not paths on my back. IMO doing this is the equivalent of woman making up lies about how much of a slut she used to be with douches who didnt gave a frick bout her and only used her as a cum dumpster, and then rubbing that on your face to test how much you "love" her, if you stay you love her but if you leave then you dont really love her, you see the problem with that logic? U can love her a lot but the moment she tells you that your opinion of her may do a complete 180°, not for something they usually lie the other way around....

Women are repulsed by weakness and thats okay, if we a analyse it deeply, weak men would have meant the death of the whole tribe back in the hunter-gatherer times, even if women didnt exist, in those ruthless times crying and complaining about how hard it is wouldnt have filled your stomach, grabbing a spear and hunting a prey is what kept you alive even if you had to chase it for 5 hours.

I ll happily be a strong man, but of course, thats a privilege that is only given to certain women...

ThisBoringLife · 2022-01-18T23:00:01+00:00

While I haven't heard of this, here's my current mindset on the matter:

There's nothing wrong with vulnerability. Just don't use that as a reason to be an ass. I can deal with someone's doubts and problems. I won't deal with "bullshit" that's piled on top of that.

NoMarriageNoKids · 2022-01-18T23:34:50+00:00

Never drop your emotional trauma on a woman. She's the wrong person's shoulder to cry on.

RunsWlthScissors · 2022-01-18T23:41:03+00:00

This idea is about as useful as a cardboard canoe. Could it work for you sure, are both of you gonna sound crazy for both sharing and not being slightly weirded the hell out? Absolutely. You are just gonna set your relationship dynamics as being extremely needy and with someone that eats that up if they stay which is a huge yikes.

We ALL have some type of trauma and being a little more emotionally needy as a man is nothing to be ashamed of. That said, you are better learning these things about someone over time even if the effects are clear because it means you’re grown enough to try to move forward and you understand you don’t force trust.

The prospect power washing and staining a deck is awful f*** that, the prospect of power washing and staining a deck in a house I’ve lived in for a year is a basic necessity.

neetykeeno · 2022-01-18T23:42:13+00:00

I have no problem giving emotional support.

The problem I have is being treated like an emotional support robot not a person who is emotionally supportive

Here's an idea. If I walk in the door...then you should say hi and check my body language and expression and tone of voice for how I appear to be going then make your decision as to download your emotional shit on my right now, how much to download, or leave it to later or ask me how I am going instead. Same with after every issue you talk about. Check how the other person is going too.

Because y'know...if you download five or six trifling complaints on a person as if those are the end of the world...doing so fast and hungry for validation allowing no time to pause or change topic...and that person has an actual real problem right then they wish to discuss that blows your complaints out the water in terms of seriousness...and they spend half an hour just letting you run your mouth non-stop like a drowning man gasping for air while they wonder if you gonna be too pissed if they say "hey I kind of had a bad day see I went to the doctor to get a script renewed and I showed her a spot on my leg....now I am booked to have it removed first thing in the morning and will probably lose half my calf muscle" then that is going to damage the relationship.

Zerofication · 2022-01-19T00:01:24+00:00

I think it's unreasonable to shit test women with one's vulnerability as most would inevitably fail and for something that's involuntary. Of course she can choose to stay despite feeling disgusted, but why would you want to stay with someone who feels that way towards you? You don't really need to share your vulnerabilities with anyone to begin with, but if you have to, then do it with close friends or even strangers.

Puttix · 2022-01-19T01:24:53+00:00

It's like when racists perceive normal behavior by black people as threatening

umm... what?

MrSuction · 2022-01-19T03:13:21+00:00

This is actually a great idea, both for what you propose, and/or at least getting yourself a major black-pill.

Reminds me of that post where someone suggested that high-N women freely admit their sex partner counts to dates, to weed-out “insecure” men who they wouldn’t want to be with anyway.

Laytheblameonluck · 2022-01-19T03:28:21+00:00

The male equivalent of shit testing would be how prison inmates test "fresh meat" to see how weak they are.

So, this would only work if you show some vulnerability, and then see if the woman shit tests you.

HydrogenDoesntMatter · 2022-01-19T04:39:08+00:00

Shit tests? The point of the getting to know one another stage slowly fullfills the same purpose without being some weird loops and hurdles for a judge of character. Also if your making up a vulnrability it can set off a weird vibe and a women will probably think your just trying to manipulate her.

Some guys use vulnrability, and actual genuine vulnerability to guilt trip someone into an emotional connection. Sometimes not even for sex as you would think but solely to act as an emotional leech. Both genders do it. For example : oh I'm so lonely I'm gonna kill my self because I'm so ugly oh no I just want to be a friend and I also want a girlfriend and a therapist.

Some girls do look down on actual vulnrability but some guys look down on equally bad things difference is the guys want to bone and will look down on you and not even say it due to that

ExtremeNihilism · 2022-01-19T11:04:00+00:00

I began doing this and it really opened my eyes to the general lack of empathy and compassion most women have for men, and how they essentially view men as things to be used. Vulnerability is a very good way to test bullshit women out, since it's easy to be honest doing so.

elidiomenezes · 2022-01-19T12:07:30+00:00

Men bottle up and usually avoid drama, because it's unmanly

That being said, when things go past certain thresrold, we just blow up, and it's never pretty.

Swans-r-cunts · 2022-01-18T14:22:42+00:00

There's certainly a happy middle.

I've had a partner who never cried and rarely showed emotion - other than agitation and humour.

I've also had a bf who constantly spoke about his feelings and cried frequently. I found it overwhelming and even self absorbed.

Both relationships dwindled because both caused me stress in the long run. It's stressful not knowing what your partner is feeling through his 'frame" and it's exhausting having someone constantly talk about themselves and being their emotional tampon.

I've had boyfriends who told me they were unhappy/sad and they would cry when something serious happens (death, someone moving away etc) and that's the person I want to be with.

And it works both ways. I know some women who cry all the time and the men who date them are always losers. They never nail down a high or even medium quality man.

Vtridolla · 2022-01-18T15:14:49+00:00

Yah idk. If it’s like the second date and your crying about how your nan died when you were 8 I would probably think it’s a little weird. Just depends but from what I’ve seen women always respond mad positive when I get emotional.

Dogecoin_trader · 2022-01-18T16:35:23+00:00

Didnt like it at first, but I actually think its a good idea, a lot of women are sociopaths and will use any vunerability you tell them about as a weapon later on, and I think if one did it to me I couldnt resist beating her for it.

Title	Your opinions: Men using their vulnerability as a sh*t test?
Author	No-Border680
Upvotes	198
Comments	387
Date	January 18, 2022 1:11 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/s6x7ov/your_opinions_men_using_their_vulnerability_as_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/your-opinions-men-using-their-vulnerability-as-a.1096906 https://theredarchive.com/post/1096906

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